It’s pretty safe to say that was one of the wildest Saturdays in a long time.
I tried to warn you. There is no way that the calamity that is the Race for Social Co-ed Football Immortality ever goes “chalk”. We have blowouts, upsets, comebacks, buzzer beaters, and so much more, that our first round of the playoffs is ONLY rivaled by the first two days of the NCAA March Madness tournament. There are cinderellas and bracket busters all over the place, across all of our divisions. It is, in a word: Exciting.
A typical Saturday for me isn’t crazy exciting. I do a few things around the cabin, maybe run a few errands. Really fun stuff, I know. But this past weekend, I found myself on my phone, getting information on the games in the playoffs and really, really wishing I was there in person.
It started early. 9:41 to be exact. (Remember, Des Moines is an hour behind those of you in Buffalo). It was one simple email to start.
“Puckett is beating up on No Punt Intended pretty good. Looks like the upset of the day happened early.”
Naturally, this piqued my interest and I asked for more information. And, I got it. While I meant more about the Puckett/NPI game, another email came in a little later:
“Gryffindor just beat Marketing Mayors!!”
I fist pumped, not going to lie. Sorry Mayors, it isn’t you, it’s the story. And then another email 3 minutes later.
“Bullet Club came back from down like 20 points in the second half to beat SITE”
All of that action, and it was only the first group of games. And they were emails from three different people. The TSL was watching, and magic was happening. I was riveted, getting information about these games about this football league that I love that are states away. Before I knew it, the following emails piled up:
“I think you cursed Quinn lol. Sticky is pounding them.”
“EN FUEGO LOST TO COBBLESTONE!!!!”
“Dilf’s beat A&A”
“Tots defended against Fries much better this time, but still lost”
“GO DARRYL”
“End Game looked really good against Jabronies, won easily”
So much fun happened on the fields, and apparently some fireworks happened off them as well. This is what we play for. THIS IS WHAT SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL IS ALL ABOUT!
We’re down to our final 24 (Wait no, 25 still) teams. Who among them will take home the championship? Who will walk into the Topper Sports League Banquet on January 3rd (mark your calendars now) as the best of the best? Let’s try to figure it out. . .
D1:
Last Week’s Score:
(5) Gryffindor 36, (4) Marketing Mayors 28
Odds to Win The Championship:
Eyes Downtown 2-1
Public Enemy 3-1
Tight Ends In Motion 8-1
Gryffindor 15-1
Gryffindor got a win, and it was over the defending champions! There will be a new champion in the TSL’s highest division.
(1) Eyes Downtown vs (5) Gryffindor (+8)
Past Games: Eyes Downtown 48, Gryffindor 45
Eyes Downtown 35, Gryffindor 0
Okay, it was fun while it lasted. Gryffindor got their much needed win against a banged up Mayors squad, but now they’re going up against the main event here. Eyes Downtown has been the cream of the crop in the division this entire season, and while that means NOTHING in the playoffs, ED just feels destined to play in the D1 final this season. Expect to see more of the 48-45 game than the 35-0 game here, but I’ll take the division’s top ranked offense over it’s lowest ranked defense anytime. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6
(2) Public Enemy vs (3) Tight Ends In Motion (+3)
Past Games: Public Enemy 31, Tight Ends In Motion 22
Somehow, in a division of 5 teams, these two have only played once so far. That can’t be right. It doesn’t matter. Tight Ends boasts the division’s top ranked defense AND its second ranked offense. (PE IS 2nd and 3rd) They have the greatest point differential by far. So why aren’t they favored? Shouldn’t they win this game? Well, a deeper look at things shows us that TEIM went 0-2 against PE and Eyes Downtown, while they beat up on A&A, Gryffindor (3 times), and played the Mayors 3 times as well. The stats are a bit skewed here. That isn’t to say TEIM isn’t a great team. They are, and they keep getting better, but for now, they’re still relegated to “little brother” status with the big boys. This wasn’t Public Enemy’s finest season, as they’ve struggled through some attendance issues, and I think by the final whistle on Saturday, people are really going to remember just who they are. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 10
So, who wins? Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy is what I’m going with. These two teams hate each other, and it’s going to be awesome to watch them battle for the D1 title. By the time the smoke clears, I really think we’ll see Public Enemy finish the job that they couldn’t last season.
D2:
Last Week’s Scores:
(5) Bullet Club 45, (4) Slytherin That End Zone 42
(6) Dilfs 27, (3) A&A 22
(1) HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 24, (7) Energy Buff 14
Odds To Win The Championship:
HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 3-1
Peachy Platoon 5-1
Bullet Club 15-1
Dilfs 16-1
Things were a bit crazy in D2, that’s for sure. Team Topper handled Energy Buff, but still only won by 10 points. Bullet Club “upset” SITE, but I hardly ever consider a 4-5 matchup an upset. The story here was that SITE went up big early, before blowing leads of 24 and 22 points in the second half. Newman wasn’t supposed to show up, and then he did. Team Captain Gary took it upon himself to email me his side of what happened in this game, and he wasn’t happy with the Offensive Pass Interference call that took 6 points off the board for SITE, and gave BC the ball back for their final, game winning drive. He also told me to give shout outs to his lesser known players that are pretty great. Chris Shriver was just nominated for an award (Go read The Rant) at this year’s banquet, so he’s getting noticed. I’ve mentioned Dawson being important before, but a shout out to the “strong, big bodied, quick bald guy with the fantastic beard” named Lex too. There aren’t enough people named Lex in the world, so he’s easily the third most important Lex of all time, falling just behind Luthor and Luger. The Dilfs and A&A played a low scoring, weird game that was apparently 9-7 at halftime. The Dilfs scored right after halftime and before you knew it, A&A just couldn’t catch up to them. This all leads us to:
(1) Peachy Platoon vs (6) Dilfs (+9)
Past games: Peachy Platoon 31, Dilfs 29
These two teams played a heck of a game during the regular season. Now I’m hearing that the Dilfs are trotting out some “people who have been on the roster but haven’t actually played any games” heroes (hi Josh!) to help them in the playoffs. It’s legal, so there’s nothing wrong with it. The Platoon may still be reeling a little bit as Dean was seen on the sidelines last week still in some sort of hand contraption, so he’s still hurt. Travis is entering “Good Travis” and “Bad Travis” zones with his QB play, so a lot of this game will depend on if Dubey shows up, and if he doesn’t, which Travis plays. I still think Peachy is going to be just too fast for the Dilfs in this one, and they’ll walk away with this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 7
(2) HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs (6) Bullet Club (+12)
Past games: Team Topper 28, Bullet Club 6
The last game these two teams played tells us nothing, as it was the “Joe K had to play QB” game. If there’s anything here is that HOFBRAUHAUS only scored 28 last time they played, so if Good Ricky comes to play, maybe there’s a puncher’s chance for BC. Energy Buff also held Team Topper to a low 24 points last week, so maybe Topper’s 62 year old shoulder is finally giving out on him? Good Ricky or not, I can’t expect BC to keep pace with HB on the scoreboard here. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10
So who wins? Team Topper has the division’s best offense, and second best defense. Peachy is the opposite, being best defense and second best offense. They have the same point differential. This game is going to be VERY, VERY close, but at the end of the day, look for Team Topper to pull this one out.
D3:
Last Week’s Scores:
(8) Puckett All-Stars 36, (1) No Punt Intended 8
(2) Frodo Swaggins 44, (7) Vaspian 18
(6) Sticky Bandits 33, (3) All We Do Is Quinn 7
(5) End Game 39, (4) Jabronies 12
Odds To Win The Championship:
Frodo Swaggins 4-1
End Game 6-1
Sticky Bandits 6-1
Puckett All-Stars 8-1
Yes everyone, it’s THAT close. Puckett walked right up to the number one seed for the second straight season and smacked them in the mouth. It wasn’t even a close game, Puckett won this handily. Yes, NPI didn’t have Kyle at QB or Elena at all. But that doesn’t excuse losing by 28 points. I talked a bit with Ashley, the PAS captain. I wanted to know who the big stand outs are on this largely unknown team. She proceeded to tell me that there wasn’t one person to really name. That everyone knows what to do, and does their job. There’s a reason this team has won FOUR championships. (Don’t worry, I forgot they changed their name a few times too). She did say TJ the QB is CLUTCH in the playoffs though, and I mean, she’s not wrong. Frodo came out and beat up on Vaspian, making them the only “top” seed to move on in D3. That gives them the best odds to walk off the fields as D3 champs, but NOT SO FAST. Sticky Bandits and End Game are still alive in these playoffs. End Game manhandled the Jabronies in round 1, and they’ve been arguably the hottest team in the entire league in the second half of the season. Sticky is a much different animal. They’ve been messing around a bit at QB this season, largely due to the hand (finger?) injury to Alex. While most of the league assumed they’d go back to Mike Thomas for the playoffs (he was clearly the better QB between himself and Rags this season), it was never actually a given according to Jeff Krol (yeah, I emailed a few people this week, deal with it) who said it was never a guarantee (He would go on to say that Rags was an extremely effective QB before his injuries and that he will be again soon) that Mike Thomas starting in the playoffs as Sticky may have been “willing to take a beating to some degree” in the regular season as a way to figure out the optimal lineup for the games that matter. Well, we’re here.
(2) Frodo Swaggins vs (8) Puckett All-Stars (+6)
Past Games: Frodo 30, Puckett 20
Newsflash: This game is going to be a lot closer than you think it will be. Frodo has the, well, Swagger for this one. They know they got lucky with Quinn and NPI getting booted from the playoffs. Say what you will about Scotty’s off the field game, but his on the field game is very strong. He may not be as consistent as he’d like, but he’s one of the league’s best new QBs, regardless of anything else. Personally, I’m rooting for Puckett. It’s such a good story, and I won’t lie, the was Ashley spoke of her team to me this week won me over. They’re close knit, and that’s what we’re all about here in the TSL. This one hurts, but FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3
(5) End Game vs (6) Sticky Bandits (EVEN)
Past Game: Sticky Bandits 25, End Game 8
So, Sticky won the only meeting between these teams. It was much earlier in the season however, and it was before things on End Game seemed to really click. (Or they’re all using steroids and they finally kicked in midway through the season) Mr. Krol really raved about his safety combo of Dave Baker and Brian (I want to say Stevens?) and how hard they make things on opposing offenses. I’m hoping End Game can figure that out quickly or it may be a long day for them. The teams have similar offenses from the regular season (although Thomas at QB improves those numbers) but while Sticky’s defense has been good, End Game’s was still 2nd in the league and they proceeded to shut down the Jabronies last week. This is as even as a game can get, and the one I’d want to watch for sure. STICKY BANDITS BY 1
So who wins? The fans. Honestly when I make these predictions I really hope to go 1-1, but theres a 50% chance I went 0-2. This division was the absolute best top to bottom all year, and they’re going to go out with a bang. I will be 0% surprised at who wins this championship. All are deserving. But I have to pick one, and I truly believe that we’ll be partying down Main Street in Sticky Nation when all is said and done.
D4:
Last Week’s Scores:
Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 29, Full Throttle 6
Buffalo Solar Solutions 38, Mountain Dew Me 27
Odds To Win The Championship:
Matty’s Angels 2-1
Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 4-1
Cunning Stunts 5-1
Buffalo Solar Solutions 10-1
Not too much to see here this week. Uncle Rico’s has continued their run of dominance with a relatively easy win over Full Throttle. Buffalo Solar, however, had to earn their win against Mountain Dew Me. After talking to Dan, the captain of BSS, he let me know that this game was very close, and that MDM was winning this game halfway through the second half. A lot of that was their inability to stop the deep ball, and then they had issues with drops as well. After some adjustments, they clearly found the end zone a bit more.
(1) Matty’s Angels vs (4) Buffalo Solar Solutions (+8)
Past Games: Matty’s Angels 54, BSS 12
BSS 46, Angels 43
Let’s see here. BSS beats the Angels. The Angels get mad at beat the crap out of BSS for revenge. That was with Bobby at QB I believe, but either way, I expect the game to be closer than a blowout. We all know the Angels are great, etc, etc. They obliterated a whole bunch of teams this year. But BSS DID beat them in an even game. One of those reasons? Brett Cole. He’s “generally good for one or two picks a game and wins contested catches on offense regularly”. Another reason? Mallory, the unsung hero on defense. She just sells out on every play. The Angels are going to be pretty fresh and really ready to regain their title. Matty won’t be dying of sunstroke this time around, and he doesn’t have 15 games to play. As a result, Its just too hard to bet against them. MATTYS ANGELS BY 7
(2) Cunning Stunts vs (3) Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN)
Past Games: Cunning Stunts 52, URTT 27
URTT 62, Stunts 44
URTT 54, Stunts 53
Well, the first time these two met, the Stunts smacked around Rico’s pretty easily. And then the entire season changed for the Time Travelers. Since then, they’re on a incredible 6-0 run, with again, two wins over the Stunts. This game is only even because of respect for the Stunts, but they’re only 2-3 in their last 5, and both wins were by a point a piece. I can’t exactly say that they’re lighting the league on fire. I’m going with the hot hand here. UNCLE RICOS TIME TRAVELERS BY 2
So who wins? I don’t think we’ll be getting a gender battle rematch, even if that’s what I know the Angels are hoping for. With this year’s D4, we essentially saw every matchup multiple times. However, we didn’t get to see the Angels take on the “new” Rico’s. This is a game that you should bet the over, even when it’s set at 85 points. I think the Angels stand tall in the end, however.
D5:
Last Week’s Scores:
(1) Over Compensators 38, (8) Pink Pteratacos 26
(7) Cobblestone 26, (2) En Fuego 23*
(3) Hung Buffalo 47, (6) Come From Behind 12
(4) Practice Squad 40, (5) Hope N Ruin 30
Odds To Win The Championship:
Over Compensators 2-1
En Fuego 4-1
Hung Buffalo 8-1
Practice Squad 9-1
Cobblestone 50-1
Yes, there’s 5 teams remaining. And no, I don’t get to give you game predictions because we have no idea who’s playing who yet. Why? Well, as anyone in the league with a pulse will tell you, we had some, um, issues in the original En Fuego/Cobblestone game. Cobblestone beat En Fuego on their own. Apparently, there was a few roster checks that got thrown around and “yada yada yada”, now we have a rematch. I’m not entirely sure it’s fair to Cobblestone and their awesome victory to be taken away, but I’m not the powers that be, and quite frankly, it doesn’t matter what I (or any of us) think in this scenario. The bottom line is that for Cobblestone or En Fuego to win the title, they need to win three straight games. The OC cruised to a win against the Pteratacos, nothing too special there. Hung Buffalo blew out Come From Behind by 35 points. Practice Squad defeated Hope N Ruin in a closer game than the others, obviously.
So, who wins? The truth is that this was always meant to be The OC vs En Fuego. And then En Fuego lost, and in a last ditch effort to save their season, they got an extra life. Now the division has learned that they can be beaten with some man coverage and a little bit of magic. I’d love to see Hung Buffalo or Practice Squad take them out before they even get to the finals, just for the story. But this season has been mainly about how dominant the OC was. They’re my pick to win this one.
D6:
Last Week’s Games:
(1) Zack Attack 26, (8) Wild Oak Beard Co 20
(2) TMA 22, (7) The Replacements 21
(3) pAssless Chaps 23, (6) Tater Tots 20
(5) The Bi-Polar Express 44, (4) Graves Bros 38
Odds To Win The Championship:
TMA 3-1
pAssless Chaps 4-1
Zack Attack 4-1
The Bi-Polar Express 12-1
Zack Attack survived Wild Oak Beard Co, pulling out the victory late in the game and avoiding being another 1 seed to lose on Day 1. The pAssless Chaps got a much better game out of the Tots than they did the last time these two met. The Tots were driving at the end of the game to pull out the win, but the Chaps got a nice pick in the end zone to end the game. Bi-Polar Express got by Graves Bros on the strength of Tommy Hughes’ arm. Just kidding. It’s their great group of girls who truly know how to ball out, while I had heard that Katie Swanson, the Graves Bros’ best girl (and maybe player) missed out. Never a good recipe for beating a gender team. TMA squeaked a win out against The Replacements, but they were going to have to forfeit anyway.
(1) Zack Attack vs (5) The Bi-Polar Express (+8)
Past Games: Zack Attack 27, Bi-Polar Express 24
The last time these two met, it started BPX’s downwards spiral in the second half of the season. Zack Attack won, but not by much. These two teams are pretty close in offense (ZA 1st, BPX 3rd) and defense (4th and 5th). Zack Attack didn’t look wonderful against WOBCO, and they may be the weakest 1 seed (relative to their division) we have this session. However, BPX is at a disadvantage with having to play at the same time as TMA (the whole losing 4 players things). I would’ve picked BPX at full strength, but the roster losses may be too much. ZACK ATTACK BY 7
(2) TMA vs (3) pAssless Chaps (EVEN)
Past Games: pAssless Chaps 26, TMA 18
Let’s get ready to fire up this rivalry. These two teams don’t like each other very much, and there’s nothing quite like adding in the playoffs to throw some more gas on that fire. The Chaps beat TMA earlier in the season, and there’s good reason to believe that this battle is between the top two teams in the division. As long as Coach Jay can keep on truckin’ with the offense, the Chaps can win the whole thing. But, ‘can’ and ‘will’ are two different things. TMA has just FELT like the team of destiny in D6 all season. They have the best defense in perhaps the entire league, and when they’re at full strength its hard to stop their offense as well. If they can just stay out of their own heads and just play their game, they’ll be battling for the title. TMA BY 3
So who wins? I think the “real” championship game is the 2v3 matchup between TMA and the Chaps. I like Zack Attack, and they’re welcome for the extra motivation I’m tossing their way right now, but I just feel like the entire season has been about TMA finally getting on the same page and getting the pieces they needed to win it all. The Rose Garden will be rocking, and hopefully the moonshine will be flowing when TMA takes this home.
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY
1. How’s that weather looking? Too many of our Fall Sessions have ended with Championship Saturday having the worst kind of weather. Downpours, snow, wind…you name it, it’s happened. Yet, through the magic of Lenny Alba, you guys are looking at 56 degress and mostly cloudy. It’s not the warmest it could be, but it’ll be beautiful.
2. What’s the Game of the Day? Well, there’s going to be a few slobberknockers for sure, but I think the matchup between End Game and Sticky Bandits is going to be awesome in D3.
3. Could En Fuego or Cobblestone really win three games in a row? I don’t believe that Cobblestone would be able to win three in a row. They won’t have any breaks either. En Fuego is a great team themselves, but they may find themselves having trouble with Hung Buffalo in the second game when they’re looking past them at the OC.
4. What’s going to be the biggest upset to look out for? Puckett can upset Frodo. They’re just masters of slaying top seeds. Look out for Buffalo Solar to shock the Angels too.
5. Do you think it’s okay to ask for a Roster Check? Of course it is, it’s in the rules. Personally, I grew up playing sports saying I’d play the best team someone else could put out there. But there’s NO REASON to give someone grief if they ask for a check. When TMA asked at the beginning of their game, a few sideline watchers snickered and discouraged it, but they were well within their rights. That’s the proper way to do it by the way, ask DURING the game, or at least just before or after it. Everyone giving crap to En Fuego shouldn’t be, but I understand why asking a few hours later was looked down upon.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY
1. Here are your “Games of the Day” best viewing schedule:
a. 10:00 – Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion – Field 2
b. 11:00 – Watch the D1 final on Field 1
c. 12:00 – End Game vs Sticky Bandits – Field 2
d. 1:00 – D3 Final on Field 1
e. 2:00 – D4 Final on Field 1
f. 3:00 – D6 Final on Field 3
g. 4:00ish – Costume Bowl – Field ?
2. That’s right, don’t forget that the Costume Bowl is happening sometime around 4-4:30! Come watch the fun, or BRING YOUR OWN COSTUME AND JOIN IN!!! It’s a hoot, and it’ll be a great way to say goodbye to the season.
3. JANUARY 3RD IS THE TENTATIVE DATE FOR THE BANQUET. PLAN ACCORDINGLY.
4. So many people who haven’t played in Breakfast Club have asked about it this session. Let’s hope they keep that enthusiasm when Topper starts looking for sign ups in March.
5. I’d be willing to bet lots of money that there will be 1, maybe 2, TSL Wine Tours in the offseason.
6. Alternate Universe Championship Picks: Eyes Downtown, Peachy Platoon, Frodo Swaggins, Uncle Rico’s, Practice Squad, The Bi-Polar Express.
7. When you’re walking around the fields this week, give Topper a hug, and then IMMEDIATELY ASK HIM FOR PICTURES OF HIS ADORABLE NEW PUPPY JACKSON! He’s only 4 months old, and he’s cute as a button! Congrats to Uncle Topper, and welcome to the TSL Jackson!
8. Would you be interested in a TSL poker tournament this offseason? If so, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..
9. I’ll be sending an end of the season survey out to team captains in the next week or two. I’d really like a lot of the league’s feedback on a few things. Be sure to fill it out!
10. I’ve been writing this article for way too many years now, but I still love it. I had such a great time talking to new people about their teams this week, and I really hope all of you enjoy reading this as much as I’ve love writing it.
Good luck to everyone this weekend. Be safe. Wear sunscreen. Check Rosters. Enjoy.
-GF