Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday, October 15th in the Year of Our Lord 2022, the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality will finally begin! The regular season of the TSL Fall 2022 session was just a preview for the games that really matter. 46 of the TSL’s 50 teams are still alive for the chance at Co-Ed Football Glory. It was a long, interesting road to get to this point, as we had a lot of surprises (The Untouchaballs went 3-6? Frodo Swaggins beat Tight Ends?) along the way.
But, the slate is wiped clean. While poor offenses and defenses will more than likely stay that way, it’s the teams that hover in the middle that really make Playoff Saturday one of the best days of the sports calendar year. It’s been compared to March Madness opening weekend many times, and for good reason. The only thing we actually know about the TSL Playoffs is that there will be exciting games, and unexpected upsets that will cause MANY “WE PROVED YOU WRONG!” emails in my inbox around 4pm Saturday once the alcohol starts flowing. I look forward to them every season.
And once you add into the fact that the Fall session tends to give the playoffs some extra “weather” induced fun, you begin to realize that nobody is safe this weekend, unless you had a bye week. According to the local Iowa weather stations, Buffalo is looking at a 60 degree day on Saturday (nice!), but with winds from 20-25 miles per hour (not nice!). It shouldn’t be raining though (nice!), but it appears it’s going to rain in the days leading up to Saturday (not nice, maybe). The point is, bring your cleats, shorts, winter gear, a raincoat, sunscreen, an umbrella and/or TSL approved sideline tent, and just be prepared for anything. It’s why you play the games.
Speaking of the games, while 46 teams are still alive, only 40 of these teams will be playing this weekend. We have a mostly “Terrific Twenty” games for you to enjoy, but before we really dig into the teams that are playing this week, let’s take a moment to remember those that we’ve lost much too soon.
IN MEMORIAM:
TOX (1-8, 10th in D4) PF: 17.33 (10th), PA: 39.89 (10th), TSL Ranking: 48th, Future Projection: D5
I don’t love having to write about TOX every single season in this space, but the team themselves are a little hamstrung. They SHOULD be playing in D5, but then it would create conflicts with a decent chunk of their team and they just end up stuck. They have a collection of some of the best people in the TSL: Dave Walter, Leslie Cook, and perennial “How does Topper overthrow that guy?” award winner Aaron Balcerzak are just a few of the great players on this roster. Unfortunately, they just couldn’t put it all together. I hope this team comes back in some shape or form, and we get them to a spot where they can start winning some games. Imagine the party at the bar after a TOX championship. Stomach pumps for everyone! We’ll get there someday, it’s just not today.
Cobblestone (2-7 in D4) PF: 25.67 (8th), PA: 34.67 (7th), TSL Ranking: 46th, Future Projection: D4
To make matters even worse for the playoffs, Darryl Carr, QB Superstar is also on the outside looking in. After a season in which Cobblestone had some really good luck with players showing up and performing, this season was the opposite, as roster struggles really did Darryl in. When the team is all at the field, they’re a force to be reckoned with, but the inconsistency really showed, and despite winning last week to put the pressure on other teams to win to get in, they didn’t get the help they needed. We’ll see Darryl in the Spring, and he’ll be better than ever. I know it.
And that wraps it up for the In Memoriam section. Yes, only two teams were lost in the Race to the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality, which is the benefit of having more evenly divided divisions. But enough about who we’ve lost, let’s talk about who’s here. Remember, in the coming predictions, the “Points For” and “Points Against” rankings are from their division, not the whole league, while the “TSL Ranking’, which is formulated by Topper’s Super Secret Standings program is the overall ranking in the league.
Enough talk, let’s get to it.
D1:
Odds To Win The Championship:
Tight Ends In Motion (3-1)
Legends (3-1)
Eyes Downtown (5-1)
Sticky Bandits (6-1)
Scared Hitless (20-1)
Grey Hair Don’t Care (20-1)
Passed Our Prime (50-1)
Teams On Bye: #1 Legends (8-1)
The Story: The Legends and Tight Ends In Motion stand out as the cream of the crop in the division, more than likely on a collision course for the D1 title. Eyes Downtown and Sticky aren’t too far behind, and both are capable of pulling off the upset if one of the top seeds get caught looking ahead to the championship game. While it was nice to get to 7 teams in D1 this season, we were basically at 4 again as the new editions of Scared Hitless, Grey Hair Don’t Care, and Passed Our Prime really took their lumps and growing pains this year.
#2 Tight Ends In Motion (7-2) vs #7 Scared Hitless (2-6-1)
Points For: TEIM 38.11 (1st), SH 30.78 (5th)
Points Against: TEIM 20.56 (1st), SH 37.78 (6th)
TSL Ranking: TEIM 7th, SH 43rd
Past Games: TEIM 44 - SH 14
Line: Tight Ends In Motion (-20)
Tight Ends In Motion started out 7-0 and they were the toast of the town, but they absolutely crumbled down the stretch. Losing to the Legends is one thing, but getting beaten by Frodo in a D1/D2 Crossover game is another. Perhaps they just can’t beat Sean? Despite the last two weeks, TEIM still boasts the best overall offense and defense in D1, that’s gotta mean something. QB Bro has been very good all year, consistently in the “Top QB” conversation. When you have weapons like Derek Bongiovanni, Kyle Conniff, and Katie Salisbury, that makes things a lot easier too. It wasn’t the dream scenario Scared Hitless drew up. Jonny Football can’t be happy with a 2-6-1 record, but this team still trots out stud girls in Melanie Linsmair, Jaimie Warren, Carly DeWeese (perennially underrated as she’s stuck in the shadows of the other two), and you even get a Cat Peters sighting now and again. Dylan Day has the weapons, it’s just on him to figure out how. He’s done so in D3 and D2, so D1 is next. It’s just not this year. This is why you avoid adding Mike Rawdin to your team. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 17
#3 Sticky Bandits (5-3-1) vs #6 Grey Hair Don’t Care (2-5-2)
Points For: SB 34.22 (4th), GHDC 28.89 (6th)
Points Against: SB 27.89 (3rd), GHDC 37.44 (5th)
TSL Ranking: SB 15th, GHDC 41st
Past Games: SB 48 - GHDC 32, SB 31 - GHDC 31
Line: Sticky Bandits (-8)
The Sticky Bandits proceed to make the title game last year, and everyone just forgets about them. Perhaps, for this season anyway, rightfully so. A slow start led them to a weird 5-3-1 record, but when you consider the losses were to the other top teams in the division, you realize maybe they’re a lot closer than you realize. QB Mike Thomas has proven by now that he’s one of the top QBs in the league, and with weapons like Adrian Cannon and the ageless Kevin Zack, the Sticky offense can make things happen. Let’s not forget they trot out Laura Streeter as well, and they have “much better than you think they are” girls in Christine Krol and Nicole Sharick. Grey Hair made the jump up to D1 and while 2-5-2 looks bad, it really means they were two plays away from being 4-5 which would’ve been huge (and we’ll ignore that they were two plays away from 2-7 completely). Dave Eickhoff has got his offense down, and they’ve made some adjustments as the season went on. When you have a team that can trot out Nick and Kayla Voss, George Lombardo, and “probably should be in the conversation for best female in the league, why aren’t you paying attention Rankings Committee?” Amber Hay, you’re going to be pretty good. This was a great season to build on, and they’re going to give Sticky a game for sure. STICKY BANDITS BY 3
#4 Eyes Downtown (5-4) vs #5 Passed Our Prime (3-6)
Points For: ED 36.67 (3rd), POP 25.75 (7th)
Points Against: ED 24.67 (2nd), POP 38.38 (7th)
TSL Ranking: ED 17th, POP 40th
Past Games: ED 52 - POP 17
Line: Eyes Downtown (-14)
Eyes Downtown had themselves a year this time around, reminding everyone in the league that they’re not dead yet. Bobby McConnell (when he’s not skipping games to play flag football) continues to be a top QB after all these years, and the play of Eric Delecki and Ben Stack among the others have been why you see ED competing again. Rachel Grampp and Emily Belfield are great talents as well, but the return of Margo (no last name needed, you just know) can always swing a game, whether she’s scoring touchdowns or stabbing someone. POP is somehow 3-6 and somehow a 5th seed when they trot out the worst offense and defense in the division. I have no idea how Hogan does it. Brandy Clarke, Amy Taylor, and Elena Schratz form a pretty damn good core of females nobody in the league is talking about. And when Ralph Finney, Keyon Elias, AD, and Bryan Munro are all actually at the fields at once? This team is pretty damn good. The problem of course, is getting them all there. They have all the talent in the world at wide receiver. We just need to get them a quarterback. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10
D2:
Odds To Win The Championship:
Frodo Swaggins (3-1)
No Punt Intended (4-1)
The Untouchaballs (6-1)
DILFs (10-1)
Freeballers (12-1)
Buffalo Vice Retro (40-1)
The Replacements (Infinity-1)
Teams On Bye: #1 Frodo Swaggins (8-1)
The Story: D2 becomes “D1 lite” as most of the top teams should be up a division. Frodo Swaggins had a banner year, ending with an upset over TEIM in the crossover gamel. No Punt Intended is right behind them though, as they look to battle Frodo with a full squad for once. The Untouchaballs had a rough season with forfeits and close losses, but they’re a lot better than people are remembering. Same for the DILFs, who haven’t even had Dubey for most of the year. The Freeballers have an outside shot at making some noise. Buffalo Vice Retro can sneak up on you if you take them lightly. The Replacements can not.
#2 No Punt Intended (7-2) vs #7 The Replacements (0-9)
Points For: NPI 37.13 (1st), TR 10.75 (7th)
Points Against: NPI 29.00 (3rd), TR 48.00 (7th)
TSL Ranking: NPI 10th, TR 50th
Past Games: NPI 44 - TR 22
Line: No Punt Intended (-30)
Minus 30 is probably not enough, and if NPI didn’t have just about everyone on the team who had another game, they’d be able to hit it. No Punt Intended burst onto the scene at the last second, and they’re not the NPI you remember from D4. QB Kyle has a lot more wrinkles than he once did, but with that age comes wisdom, and he’s been excellent at QB. Of course, having Amber and Jaimie as your top females could even make Topper look good. But that’s where Kyle has some new entries in the league that have taken off. Shbend Betsa has been a hell of a find, and 8 foot 4 inch monster (so i’ve been told) Carlton Coatsworth is a force to be reckoned with, and even if he isn’t, he’s just bigger than you so it doesn’t matter. NPI is kicking ass with some new TSL names, which makes it even better. The Replacements registered as a football team for some reason. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 50
I’m kidding, sort of. The Replacements are led by Shawn Adamski who did the right thing and started up a new team. Sadly, he just chose the wrong division to start in. They’re not the first team to start way too high and get killed. Hell, they’re not even the first “The Replacements” in the league. I can’t really give too many props for this season, but I hope they come back in a much ‘safer’ division so they can have some fun. (D5, guys, start there) NO PUNT INTENDED BY 20.
#3 Freeballers (4-5) vs #6 Buffalo Vice Retro (3-6)
Points For: FB 31.50 (5th), BVR 19.11 (6th)
Points Against: FB 30.25 (4th), BVR 31.22 (5th)
TSL Ranking: FB 24th, BVR 35th
Past Games: BVR 20 - FB 13
Line: Freeballers (-6)
Let’s start with the obvious: D2 is a mess. The Freeballers are the 3rd seed at 4-5. Basically, anyone from the 3-6 seeds can beat each other on any given Saturday. Look no further than two weeks ago when BVR beat the Freeballers 20 - 13. That was a big win for BVR to get them “on track” but it also made the Freeballers know not to take them for granted. The Freeballers have had great seasons from Dylan Jaloza, Jared Inthavong, and league sweetheart/viper Talia Calabro. The talent is there to compete, but I don’t think, even with Dave Baker to help settle things down and give his 1,585,295 games worth of wisdom, that they’re on the level for a title. BVR trots out Seth at QB to go along with Caitlyn Mason and Rachel Parker, but after that, there isn’t a stand out male player that can win them a game single handedly. But, that’s the point. The males are deep (phrasing) across the board, and that makes it hard for teams to know who’s going to beat them. The Freeballers usually play better with a chip on their shoulder, so I’ll tell them they suck now, and because of that: FREEBALLERS BY 10. You’re welcome.
#4 DILFs (4-5) vs #5 The Untouchaballs (3-6)
Points For: DILFs 35.11 (3rd), UT 34.71 (4th)
Points Against: DILFs 35.33 (6th), UT 27.00 (2nd)
TSL Ranking: DILFs 29th, UT 32nd
Past Games: DILFs 48 - UT 46
Line: EVEN
If this game isn’t the best game on the schedule this weekend, it has to be in everyone’s Top 3. These two teams played a crazy game earlier in the season that saw the DILFs win on a Hail Mary with no time left. These two teams have talent all over the place, and you can’t let the records fool you. DILFs have future TSL Hall of Famer Brandt Dubey at QB, unless he doesn’t show up. Then they have Travis Cleavanger-Bernal running around back there instead. They have 742 years of experience with Eric Stegmeier and Rogo out there. They have the 3Ks of Katie, Kelly, and Kellie making plays all over the field. They’re the definition of a “veteran” team who knows how to beat you. The Untouchaballs, have Jeremy F’N Burr. He doesn’t do it alone though. Everyone knows about Mel Linsmair, but they forget about Joelle and Meg. Matt Helm has gotten some pub in the past, but people don’t know about Ryan Dombrowski. Add in Jamie McCabe and Handsome Greg and you’ve got yourselves a stud team. This game is going to rock, mild upset alert. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 7
D3:
Odds To Win The Championship
Mountain Dew Me (5-1)
Bullet Club (5-1)
716 (7.16-1)
Scott Senior’s Starting (8-1)
Can’t Touch This (10-1)
Get Schwifty (12-1)
Itches and Ohs (14-1)
Practice Squad (17-1)
Teams On Bye: No Bye Weeks are awarded in D3
The Story: The TSL’s most wide open division, as you wouldn’t be surprised if any of these teams walked away with the championship. Mountain Dew Me and Bullet Club come in as “co-favorites” based on their equal record and the fact that they played a game that came down to the wire. 716 is a step behind, as they’ve lost close games to both MDM and BC, but they always have seemed to be missing key personnel. SSS can compete with any of the above teams, but they’re in the middle of the usual slow finish after a hot start. The backend of the division is very “wild west-y” as all four teams have beaten up on each other but also can steal a win from the “top” half. Anyone can win this division.
#1 Mountain Dew Me (7-2) vs #8 Practice Squad (2-6-1)
Points For: MDM 29.11 (4th), PS 28.89 (5th)
Points Against: MDM 24.33 (3rd), PS 33.56 (7th)
TSL Ranking: MDM 6th, PS 42nd
Past Games: PS 28 - MDM 18, MDM 33 - PS 32
Line: MDM (-6)
A rivalry renewed yet again. Practice Squad has had their worst season in a long time, most of that is simply due to not knowing how to play against D3 teams, and learning about it. But that isn’t the case with MDM. These longtime rivals meet up yet again in a playoff game that will only further things for them. Practice Squad’s biggest loss since B became the full time QB was a D5 Overtime Championship loss to MDM. He’s thought about that for a few seasons now, and it drives him every time these teams meet. You don’t think getting a chance to be an 8 seed upsetting a 1 seed isn’t going to have him hyper focused? PS still has tons of talent with Renee Lantz and Kelly Liddle alongside Jamie McCabe, Ashtin Fiegel, three different Kyles, and Kenny Lantz too. This team can do some damage, and they have the speed to keep up with the speedy MDM players. The 3,402 McGregors combine with a couple of Mertzes to put together a solid, smart, and very, very fast squad that are tough to beat. But Practice Squad has done it before. It’s upset time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1.
#2 Bullet Club (7-2) vs #7 Get Schwifty (3-6)
Points For: BC 31.38 (3rd), GS 23.38 (8th)
Points Against: BC 23.13 (1st), GS 23.63 (2nd)
TSL Ranking: BC 9th, GS 37th
Past Games: BC 30 - GS 21, BC 21 - GS 0 (forfeit)
Line: Bullet Club (-7)
Bullet Club moved down to D3 and had a team revival of sorts, leading D3 for most of the year and only finishing 2nd based off a 1 point loss to Mountain Dew Me during the year. QB Jeff Easton looks like he did many years ago, and his weapons have been arguably better than ever. Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes provides a spark to this offense, as did long time Frodo player Nick Buczek. John Langley looks good as a wide receiver, Anthony Deak didn’t get hurt somehow, and the answer to the “Would Pete Wallbrandt be any good outside of D6?” question is a resounding yes. They boast above average girls across the board, and they’re going to be a tough out for anyone in these playoffs. Get Schwifty has been a bit all over the place this season, as Blase LaDuca got some of his family members together to start a new franchise. QB Larry has a super strong arm, and they have some height on the team too. Long time TSL veteran Dorene Major leads a solid group of females into battle here. These two teams are the top ranked defenses in the league, but at the end of the day BC should outscore Schwifty. BULLET CLUB BY 6
#3 716 (5-4) vs #6 Itches and Ohs (3-5-1)
Points For: 716 32.00 (2nd), Ohs 24.00 (7th)
Points Against: 716 28.89 (4th), Ohs 29.89 (5th)
TSL Rankings: 716 18th, Ohs 31st
Past Games: 716 35 - Ohs 9, 716 42 - Ohs 19
Line: 716 (-10)
Sometimes teams just have the other’s number, and that’s what we’ve got here. 716 has blown Itches out of the water twice now, mostly on the arm strength of Derek Pew. But when he’s got Nick Voss and Donte Ridgeway making some plays for him, it's easy to look good. Add in Eric Pochylski and James Celotto, and you have yourself a very good squad. 716 lacks a bit of talent on the female end of things though, and this has proven to be their downfall time and time again. It’s not that they’re bad at all, don’t get me wrong, they’re just usually at a disadvantage from the team across from them. Case in point, the deadly trio of Laura Streeter, Rylee Moser, and Lauren Moser on Itches and Ohs. It just hasn’t been the best of times for Itches this season, but it's impossible to fully count them out. They’re still one of the smartest teams on the field, it's just been an execution problem. I think a lack of overall team speed does them in, since 716 has the ability to turn this game into a track meet. 716 by 12
#4 Scott Seniors Starting (4-5) vs #5 Can’t Touch This (4-5)
Points For: SSS 35.33 (1st), CTT 28.00 (6th)
Points Against: SSS 33.33 (6th), CTT 34.44 (8th)
TSL Ranking: SSS 25th, CTT 27th
Past Games: SSS 42 - CTT 35, CTT 46 - SSS 44
Line: SSS (-6)
These two teams met last weekend, and Can’t Touch This turned in their best performance of the year, taking the victory by 2 points, and avenging a Week 1 loss to SSS. SSS hasn’t looked good for the second part of the year, despite trotting out 5 Kellers (6 if we count Stegs now) on the roster. Scotty Dro has been hit and miss all season as well, which only adds to the issues. Damien Keller gets a special shout out for his play this season, all reports suggest he has a bright TSL future ahead of him. By now, you know what the deal is with CTT. Ryan Dougherty has the strong arm, they have solid girls who can win them the game (as proven last season), and the supporting cast of gentlemen (led by Anthony Battaglia and Cool Beard Guy) aren’t slouches either. CTT feels ready to make some noise yet again, and SSS feels a bit off. CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 3
D4:
Odds to Win The Championship:
Cunning Stunts (3-1)
Puckett All-Stars (4-1)
Zack Attack (6-1)
Buffalo Vice (9-1)
Spinelli’s Plumbing (10-1)
Travis Henry’s Kids (12-1)
Vaspian (15-1)
Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (20-1)
Teams On Bye: None
The Story: The Stunts ran roughshod over the division all season, but so did Puckett. Zack Attack found some much needed offense this season, as did Buffalo Vice. Spinelli’s can still score, but they struggle to stop anyone. Vaspian has just been “okay” all season, but their defense is still top notch. ILF hasn’t been really good since Joe Miano got hurt. And Travis Henry’s Kids upset the Stunts to make the playoffs, which has to bode well for them.
#1 Cunning Stunts (8-1) vs #8 Travis Henry’s Kids (3-6)
Points For: CS 50.13 (1st), THK 28.44 (6th)
Points Against: CS 37.00 (9th), THK 32.44 (6th)
TSL Ranking: CS 1st, THK 38th
Past Games: THK 56 - CS 40
Line: CS (-8)
THK isn’t a normal 8 seed for the ladies this week. They were two one point losses away from a 5-4 record that would’ve put them into 3rd place instead (they would’ve had the tie breaker with Zack Attack). John Langley played a psuedo-playoff game last week, and he delivered. Is this a changing of fortunes? Perhaps. John also throws to Pete Wallbrandt and Anthony Deak, which really helps things too. Alex Corbelli allegedly, isn’t anything to shake a stick at either. Where things get tough for THK is on the female side of the ball, as Katie Garey and whichever other girls show up are decent, but to ask them to match up against the Stunts just isn’t fair. Joey Batts has his ladies team demolishing D4, and a promotion to D3 whether they like it or not is coming their way. You know the names here: Taylor Pagano, Kelly Liddle, Renee Lantz, Jill Battaglia, Jen Mertz, Brandy Clarke, etc. They’ve done this forever, and the Stunts are a who’s who for women in the league. The other thing they’ve done forever? Finish first and blow it in the playoffs. THK will give them a game, but the loss last week has them more focused than ever. CUNNING STUNTS BY 8
#2 Puckett All-Stars (8-1) vs #7 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (4-5)
Points For: PAS 42.89 (2nd), ILF 26.67 (7th)
Points Against: PAS 29.56 (3rd), ILF 31.67 (5th)
TSL Ranking: PAS 3rd, ILF 30th
Past Games: PAS 50 - ILF 35
Line: Puckett All-Stars (-9)
Puckett All-Stars are F’n Amazing. They are the best team in the TSL that nobody is talking about. After a close, Week 1 loss to the Stunts, Puckett has had their sights set on revenge against the Stunts, and right now they’d theoretically get it in the title game. How perfect. These aren’t quite your same old All-Stars I hear. Vince Taverna, the stud QB from Quinn, has taken over, and as a result Puckett has been beyond good. In fact *checks roster*Mike Gelz, Lauren Gelz, Joe Schwab. . . this is basically All We Do Is Quinn. Okay, it isn’t that serious, and a lot of the players on PAS have been there for a millenia (Hey Ashley!). Elisha Reimers has been good at football for years and the league still hasn’t taken notice. And I’m sure there are even some more additions that are killing it for them. Meanwhile, ILF is cooked, maybe. A QB injury derails a season like nothing else. Andrew Kicak does his best to keep it together, and even in the face of adversity you’re getting quality play out Jason Neth, Brett Feind, Alex Baker, and Karl Smith. Christina Nelson is a very good player, and you’re seeing some growth out of Becca Dominesey as well. This is a bad team by any stretch, it’s just not their year. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 13
#3 Zack Attack (6-3) vs #6 Vaspian (4-5)
Points For: ZA 33.67 (5th), Vaspian 21.00 (9th)
Points Against: ZA 22.33 (1st), Vaspian 25.13 (2nd)
TSL Ranking: ZA 12th, Vaspian 26th
Past Games: ZA 51 - Vaspian 22
Line: Zack Attack (-10)
D4’s top two defenses meet each other in this first round matchup. Zack Attack has spent years having a great defense but scoring points was always a challenge. Not anymore. Zack Attack added Sam and Anthony “Sam’s Husband” Lattuca to the mix, alongside Glenn Bird, ZA has looked really good. Zack Elphick has made strides as a QB, and his brother Jay continues to be a fantastic player. Add in a bunch of solid, but terrible dart playing females in Jenna and Kayla and you have yourself a team that could make some noise in the playoffs. Vaspian hasn’t had a great season on offense. Defense is still the name of the game here, but with too many missed games at QB, the offense hasn’t really settled in. Add into the fact that they’ve replaced essentially every girl from the “normal” Vaspian team and it's going to take some time to gel.
#4 Buffalo Vice (4-4-1) vs #5 Spinelli’s Plumbing (4-4-1)
Points For: Vice 35.89 (4th), SP 39.33 (3rd)
Points Against: Vice 31.11 (4th), SP 36.22 (8th)
TSL Ranking: Vice 20th, SP 21st
Past Games: Vice 54 - SP 54 (Tie)
Line: EVEN
In Week 1 of the season, these two teams played to a 54-54 tie. Since then, both teams have gone 4-4 and quite frankly not much separates these two teams. Vice scores slightly less, but they allow slightly less. Dan Gonzalez’s team has benefitted from Andy Clark playing Prodigal son and coming home. Adding that arm allows Frank Pizza to do his thing at WR when he can, and we all should know about Caitlyn Mason by now. Amy Denning has been good for a long time as well. This team can play. Spinelli’s got really, really hot the last few seasons, and they’re continuing that streak. But they have to learn how to stop someone and get away from the “Best defense is a good offense” mentality. Nick Hawes is probably the TSL’s yardage leader for the last three years, as he gets to throw to Ryan Rusin, Zack Estes, and yes, even Payton Spinelli. Katie Swanson is a name we’ve known for a decade, but don’t forget about what Kaely Kwitek, Chelsea Lepore, and Audrey Enzian can do out there. These ladies are all criminally underrated despite being a part of one of the TSL’s best offenses for a while. This one should be a shootout. Again. BUFFALO VICE BY 1
D5:
Odds To Win The Championship:
TMA (2-1)
Come From Behind (4-1)
Passing While Intoxicated (7-1)
Woodpeckers (10-1)
Today’s Feast (15-1)
Let’s Get Reccked (20-1)
Teams On Bye: #1 TMA, #2 Come From Behind
The Story: TMA dominated the entire regular season before a surprising hiccup at the end of the year to go 7-2. Come From Behind played incredibly well, only losing to TMA and PWI. PWI kind of looked lost for the first part of the season, but they’re locked in now, beating TMA and CFB in recent weeks, and giving D5 a legitimate third contender. The Woodpeckers also rebounded from a weak start to go to 4-4-1 on the season, and they’re right in the same spot they were last year before they won the title. Today’s Feast has a lot to be proud about in terms of improvement from years past. Let’s Get Reccked was a brand new squad that needed some to gel (and heal!) together.
#3 Passing While Intoxicated (4-4-1) vs #6 Let’s Get Reccked (2-7)
Points For: PWI 25.89 (3rd), LGR 19.67 (6th)
Points Against: PWI 24.89 (2nd), LGR 29.00 (5th)
TSL Ranking: PWI 22nd, LGR 47th
Past Games: PWI 30 - LGR 19
Line: Passing While Intoxicated (-8)
Passing While Intoxicated has their team on the same page and two straight wins over the teams on bye to show for it. I’m not sure who the QB is for PWI, as I thought it was Colorado Mike, but I believe we’re back to Alex Lee behind center. PWI trots out Ryan Dombrowski, A pair of Szumigalas, and Alex Dutkiewicz to go along with a handful of females who can beat you in different ways. Let’s Get Reccked was Ricky Recckio’s brainchild, and he’s got some pretty cool people on the roster. Jon Dean has been a winner on and off the field, and their QB’s name is Denver Macintosh, which might be the coolest name in the league. He also wears Bills Zubaz I’m told, so just hand him the MVP. Talia Calabro, Kayla Deth, Doreen Major, Becca Dominesey, and Carly Reeb round out a fantastic group of TSL ladies, so it's amazing that LGR didn’t win more. At the very least, they silly stringed Ricky on the field. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 11
#4 Woodpeckers (4-4-1) vs #5 Today’s Feast (3-6)
Points For: WP 22.22 (5th), TF 24.44 (4th)
Points Against: WP 27.33 (4th), TF 30.89 (6th)
TSL Ranking: WP 23rd, TF 39th
Past Games: TF 51 - WP 22, WP 45 - TF 8
Line: Woodpeckers (-2)
The Woodpeckers started off rough, as they struggled through some roster issues and getting their team to the fields. But once they started showing up? Whew boy it’s been a different team. Joe B’s team has been very competitive and he’s starting to look like the QB that captured D6 last year. Mark B is right there playing some of his best football as well. Ryan Hawkins, Jake Lewis, and William Su have more than made up for the missing Wrestler Dan Farinacci, who has apparently determined he’s too good for the TSL this season. You may not know the names Melissa Houghton, Rachel Szafarczyk, and Nina Komoninski, but you’re about to. These ladies have been fantastic all season, and they’re a big reason the Peckers upset TMA this year. Today’s Feast spent most of their careers being feasted upon. The move to D5 was smart, as they’re starting to figure out their offense a bit more, but right now, that defense is straight up yuck. Chuck Jackson has put together a decent team that will only get better, and they have a person named Simba on the team. Yes, like the Lion King. Look out Denver, we have a new coolest name already. Anyway, I don't know much else about this team, but they can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to tell me who’s rocking for this team. But, until then, WOODPECKERS BY 8
D6:
Odds To Win The Championship
Not So Sticky (3-1)
Blitzkrieg (3-1)
Superior Moser Squad (7-1)
Lenny’s Ladies (12-1)
Two Tuddies (15-1)
Punt Cakes (18-1)
Teams On Bye: #1 Not So Sticky, #2 Blitzkrieg
The Story: Not So Sticky moved down to D6 and they’ve pretty much dominated the division, winning it pretty easily. They’re more than likely going back up to D5 in the spring, win or lose. Blitzkrieg, same thing. These two teams were far and above the top two and it wasn’t even close. The rest of the teams just beat up on each other. Superior Moser Squad used a female QB the entire season, which was pretty cool, though there’s a nice debate about which one was the better QB (hint: it's Lauren). Lenny’s Ladies had their usual up and down season. Punt Cakes sometimes look like world beaters, and other times they look clueless. And the Tud Buds won two games last weekend to go to 3-6 which is pretty awesome, as they slowly, but consistently, improve.
#3 Superior Moser Squad (5-4) vs #6 Punt Cakes (2-7)
Points For: SMS 30.00 (4th), PC 31.13 (3rd)
Points Against: SMS 28.11 (3rd), PC 31.63 (5th)
TSL Ranking: SMS 19th, PC 45th
Past Games: SMS 33 - PC 25, SMS 60 - PC 22
Line: Superior Moser Squad (-7)
Superior Moser Squad tried something new and unique this season and it had some mixed results. A rotating female QB led to some really exciting games, but also a couple of blowout losses. Now, SMS is obviously led by Rylee Moser, with help from Lauren Moser as well. Steve Moser showed he could be a pretty good WR too if he wanted. The return of Jeremy Streit is going to prove game changing for these guys as well. Punt Cakes hasn’t had the best of years. We’ll ignore some roster trickery, but Baby Gronk put together a pretty fast team, but one that still needs to learn the ins and outs of the game. This is another team that I’d love for someone to email me about so I can learn who the rocker players are, because honestly? I don’t know. And neither does anyone else. Yet. But for now, 60-22 seems excessive, but it seems the direction we’re heading with this one. SUPERIOR MOSER SQUAD BY 13
#4 Two Tuddies (3-6) vs #5 Lenny’s Ladies (3-6)
Points For: TT 23.33 (5th), LL 18.11 (6th)
Points Against: TT 28.78 (4th), LL 35.44 (6th)
TSL Ranking: TT 33rd, LL 34th
Past Games: LL 20 - TT 12, TT 27 - LL 8
Line: TT (-1)
The Two Tuddies finally saw some of the fruits of their labor come to life as they went 2-0 last week. It’s one thing to beat the Ladies here, but it's an entire other thing to beat Blitzkrieg too. It seems that the Tud Buds are finally starting to learn how to play this game, and it’s coming at the right time. Ryan Miller has put together a good group of people, and Tim Arnold, Chris Wollcot, Kory Reid, and Christian Ferger can play and adapt. They’re still figuring out the girl end of things, but getting Sarah Palazza as a #1 is a good start. The rest of the ladies are still, like the team, figuring it out, but consistently improving. As for the Ladies, it was another season of roster turnover as has become custom for them. But once again, they lucked out. Besides Lenny’s Ladies OG Katie Swanson, Maddie Norton is an absolute gem, they get the First Lady of the TSL in Val Bernal, newcomers Hannah Rausch and Coleen Kaminski have been very good for first timers, and Kelsey Harrigan has been quite a find as well. As always, the talent is there, the key for the girls is learning how to play defensive positions they may not be used to. They’re going to be a tough out if everything clicks right. LENNY’S LADIES BY 2
FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:
1. What top seed is most likely to lose early? Well, I picked Mountain Dew Me to lose to Practice Squad early, but I’d still pick them only because they play in the league’s closest division.
2. Who are your top Dark Horses, overall and in each division? My biggest “Dark Horse” is the Untouchaballs because I think they can play with the teams above them. Other than them, the lower seeded teams to watch out for: D1: Grey Hair Don’t Care, D3: Can’t Touch This, D4: Buffalo Vice, D5: Passing While Intoxicated, D6: Superior Moser Squad
3. Okay, Predict the champions. Fine. D1: Tight Ends In Motion, D2: No Punt Intended, D3: 716, D4: Puckett All-Stars, D5: TMA, D6: Blitzkrieg
4. Not a lot of chalk there, how come? I think some of the teams are #1 seeds, so that’s chalk-ish to me. I went with Tight Ends based on how good they’ve been, and I can’t say that two losses by a combined 7 points means it’s all over. NPI can very easily lose to Frodo, but Garrett at QB in a big game has proven worrisome in the past. 716 has the pieces to put it all together in D3. Puckett is looking for revenge in D4, and the Stunts always blow it. The game, for the record. TMA has been too good to not win (D4 regardless in the spring?) D5. And I went with Blitzkrieg just because I love believing in them, and it's their time.
5. If you could only watch one game on Saturday, which one would it be? That’s a hard question. There are some really good matchups here. I almost went with Buffalo Vice vs Spinelli’s Plumbing, but the answer really is DILFs vs The Untouchaballs. That’s going to be awesome.
TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:
1. It's the playoffs. I know that tensions are going to run high during the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality, so it's your usual reminder to KEEP YOUR COOL. Don’t freak out on the refs, on your own teammates, on that squirrel running by, or the other team. Keep it together or you WILL be tossed. Ain’t nobody got time for that.
2. Breakfast Club Predictions:
3. The best games of the hour:
4. Three teams that have the best chance for an upset that I didn’t pick earlier: Vaspian, Get Schwifty, Buffalo Vice Retro
5. Three teams that are saddled with “Playoff John Langley” at QB this weekend: Travis Henry’s Kids, Bullet Club, Lenny’s Ladies. Talk about mortgaging the future. (My guess: John goes 2-1)
6. Most shocking upset that probably won’t happen, but it wouldn’t seem THAT implausible: Scared Hitless ending Tight Ends In Motion’s D1 hopes.
7. Pick your best bets over 10-1 odds: Grey Hair Don’t Care, Freeballers, Practice Squad, Travis Henry’s Kids, Woodpeckers, Punt Cakes. (I can’t actually bet Replacements at Infinity-1 because how does that work?)
8. Remember to talk to Emily Schilling about your participation in the Halloween Bowl! Its 11:00am on October 29th. There will be specials and everything!
9. Write down December 9th as the day of the banquet! More details will be coming shortly, I promise you.
10. I think if everyone asks Topper really nicely tonight and bombards him with messages, we might actually get him to come to the fields. But it only works if EVERYONE takes a second to message him. So get to it. It’ll be worth it.
That’s it! The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is on! Good luck!
-GF OUT