“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid” – Terry Bradshaw

 

Welcome back to Week Eight of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Our most comprehensive rankings YET - yes, we've expanded AGAIN to show the Top 30 QBs this week
• League Offenses - All Divisions (Chart)
• Final Observations/Questions

 

QB Power Rankings

 

As much as we love expanding this to include more and more QBs (we're Power Ranking a record setting 30 this week), there's always the danger that the bad outweighs the good and we start offending people.  "What do you MEAN they're showing 30 Quarterbacks now and I STILL didn't make the list?!?!"  Sorry bro.  Send us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and plead your case if you think we've short changed you.  Having said that, we feel pretty good about our picks this week.

 

 

 

Note: "Next Week's Games" below are based on current schedule and subject to change; may not include all make-up games

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 49-48

Highlights:  Scoring 49 points in a W is a pretty solid day at the office.  Especially when your defense is suddenly terrible, and you need every one of those points to beat a new QB on a team that hadn't won a game all year before Saturday.  A win's a win, on to next week:  PUBLIC ENEMY VS EYES DOWNTOWN - WILL IT FINALLY HAPPEN?? 

Next Week:  Eyes Downtown

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Surviving COVID is a pretty good highlight.  Bobby's been gone so long we almost forgot Eyes Downtown is still undefeated when he plays... ALMOST forgot.  If he beats Public Enemy next week (assuming he's healthy enough to play), he'll reclaim the throne of TSL's Greatest Quarterback.  Unless of course the Angels somehow lose to Freeballers (they won't, but we'd have no idea how to rank Bobby if they did).

Next Week:  Public Enemy (Eyes Downtown), Freeballers (The Angels)

 

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Lost to TEIM 29-28

Highlights:  Marketing Mayors are now in fifth place after losing to D1 rookie QB Bro Kleckler and Tight Ends in Motion.  Attendance seems to have been an issue all season with these guys.  When they're all there, they can beat anyone (MM are the "1" in Public Enemy's "6-1") but they don't seem to be fielding their "A Squad" most weeks.  If they can get it together and win out next week, the #3 seed is probably theirs for the taking.

Next Week:  Gryffindor, Tight Ends in Motion

 

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to The Angels 53-35

Highlights:  Another high scoring loss for the Cunning Stunts.  Remember when they beat (Matty's) Angels in the title game a couple sessions ago?  They're 2-5 now with the second worst defense in the TSL.  Not Joey's fault (they're also the third best offense in the TSL) but we miss the days of D4 Girl Power.

Next Week:  Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious? (Gryffindor), Over Compensators (Cunning Stunts)

 

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 33-30

Highlights:  Do the Sticky Bandits really have the highest ranked QB outside of D1?? They have the second highest scoring offense in the division at 34.9 PPG (Jabronies lead with 35.2).  They have a VERY mediocre point differential (+2.6 PPG, fourth in their division).  But there are only three other teams with winning records in D2 between Slytherin, Jabronies and Dilfs... and Mike Thomas has now beaten them all.

Next Week:  Dilfs

 

#6 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 33-30, beat Peachy Platoon 48-42

Highlights:  If TSL had an ESPN Top Ten Plays of the Week segment (the Sentinel needs a full camera crew to record these; can we all agree to raise our fees by $6000 per team to make this happen?) half of them would be from Slytherin games this week.  SITE lost to the Sticky Bandits on a failed Hail Mary, then beat a DEAN THOMPSON led Peachy Platoon on a Hail Mary in the NEXT game.  Or maybe it was two Hail Mary's in that Peachy game... there were so many lead changes in the last two minutes it's hard to keep to track.  Huge, quality win for Newman.

Next Week:  Jabronies

 

#7 Brandt Dubey - Dilfs - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 49-34    

Highlights:  After dismantling Hofbrauhaus, the Dilfs are in prime position for the top seed in D2.  5 of their 6 wins so far this year are by double digit leads... and that would jump to 6 out of 6 if we included the 21-0 forfeit win over Marketing Mayors.  These guys aren't just winning, they're dominating.  A win (or even a tie) this week would lock up the #1 seed for the playoffs.

Next Week:  Sticky Bandits

 

#8 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 44-18 

Highlights:  The Jabronies were simply the better team this week, demolishing Bullet Club and reclaiming the highest PPG in D2.   Beating the #6 ranked QB next week would push Miano to his highest Power Ranking yet, but Slytherin is as complete a team as Jabronies.  We're expecting a classic.

Next Week:  Slytherin That End Zone

 

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  No, Vince didn't play this week, so Quinn's 22-20 loss to Vaspian is a LITTLE more understandable (Joe Schwab did his best as the backup, but it's tough to win when half your team gets injured).  We're not punishing Vince because AWDIQ lost, we're "punishing Vince" because two D2 QBs had 40+ point double digit wins this week.  There's no way we can't reward them for that.  We expect Quinn to be dominant again with Vince back next week, but will the loss of one of Kasey open the door for a Frodo playoff push?

Next Week:  Buffalo Solar Solutions (Crossover game)

 

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 16-13

Highlights:  The Moose has led the highest scoring team in the TSL all season, until now.  With a VERY un-Scotty-Ballgame-like 16 point game (albeit a win) Frodo drop behind Uncle Rico's and the D4 gender teams to become the FOURTH highest scoring team in the League.  Still pretty good, we know.  With all the cancellations that have happened recently it's been a few weeks since we've seen a Swaggins offensive explosion.  Expect two of them this week.

Next Week:  En Fuego, The Untouchaballs

 

#11 Tim Zielinski - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Beat Over Compensators 46-40

Highlights:  Speaking of the highest scoring teams in the League... Uncle.  Rico's.  Time Travelers.  At 42.9 PPG Tim is now your League leading QB in terms of offensive production.  URTT have scored 28 and 32 points in their two losses... and 44, 45, 46, 52 and 53 points in their five wins.  These are insane numbers.  Oh, and next week they play the single worst defense in the TSL.   Bet the "Over" on this one.

Next Week:  Family Feud and Some Dudes

 

#12 Andy Clark - Buffalo Solar Solutions - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Family Feud and Some Dudes 46-32

Highlights:  Andy still lags behind three other D4 QBs in PPG (all of which are, fairly or unfairly, ahead of him in the Rankings) but Buffalo Solar Solutions might be the most balanced team in the division.  They're the only ones that can play defense, and they're STILL undefeated when Andy plays.  The D4 playoffs are going to be a bloodbath, but BSS have GOT to be the betting favorites right now.  We'll see if the Godfather agrees next week.

Next Week:  All We Do is Quinn (Crossover game)

 

#13 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 29-28, Eyes Downtown 47-30

Highlights:  D1 midseason replacement QB Bro Kleckler made his first starts for TEIM, and immediately beat two of the best teams in the top division.  Sure, apply whatever asterisks you want.  Eyes Downtown was missing Bobby and others.  Marketing Mayors didn't have a full squad.  All true (which is why he's not in the Top 10 right now), but who cares?  Winning in D1 is hard, and Bro made it look easy.  Defensive play doesn't factor into our Rankings, but Bro is also the best two-way QB in our Rankings since Dean Thompson's "retirement".

Next Week:  Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious?

 

#14 Ricky Austin - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 44-18

Highlights:  Not a great week for Ricky Austin and Bullet Club.  Although they FINALLY got Joe K back after a long recovery period, they've now lost Zach to his own injury, which is the last thing this team needs as it tries to establish some kind of momentum before playoffs. Bullet Club can STILL finish with a .500 record this season, with only Morning Wood standing in the way (twice).

Next Week:  Morning Wood (twice)

 

#15 Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious? - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 31-22, lost to Public Enemy 49-48

Highlights:  Who IS this guy?  Apparently "T-Time" is a former D5 QB who's now throwing for Why So Serious (Pete's services are, understandably, needed at receiver).  The jump from D5 to playing D1's best two teams looked like no problem for Bolden, as he beat the still-Bobby-less Eyes Downtown and then scored 48 in a losing effort against Public Enemy.  People will make excuses and talk about who he DIDN'T face on Saturday, but who he DID face were some impressive athletes, and he looked fantastic.

Next Week:  Tight Ends in Motion, Gryffindor

 

#16 Aaron Ertel - Morning Wood - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 50-29

Highlights:  Morning Wood are a much better team when the unsackable Aaron Ertel is in there, and they proved it by blasting Peachy Platoon for a big win this week.  These guys are flying under the radar a bit in D2 this session, but if they can sweep Bullet Club on Saturday, they'll finish with a winning record and a shot at a high-ish seed, depending on tiebreakers.  

Next Week:  Bullet Club (twice)

 

#17 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Cody took the week off to avoid a Practice Squad rematch and keep all their fancy stats and streaks intact.  It worked!  Still undefeated, with a juicy game against Intentional Pounding on the schedule for this week.  Wait til you see the betting line on that one.

Next Week:  Intentional Pounding

 

#18 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - Hofbrauhaus Buffalo / TOX - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Lost to Dilfs 49-34 (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), beat Intentional Pounding 36-23 (TOX)

Highlights:  Topper continues to struggle against D2 competition, with his only win this season coming against the short-handed three girl Peachy Platoon squad a couple weeks back.  Remember when Hobrauhaus was in D1 for like five minutes?  Really there's no shame in losing to Dilfs, they're killing everyone lately.  And Topper DID get a win with TOX this week, although the final score would have looked more impressive if he hadn't thrown a pick two to Scott Keller Jr.  Perfect passer rating, defensive highlight machine... is there anything SK2 CAN'T do?

Next Week:  Peachy Platoon (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), Practice Squad, Cobblestone (TOX)

 

#19 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Beat En Fuego 44-30

Highlights:  Scared Hitless is one of three D3 teams with a winning record, and they're only three points away from having the best point differential in the division.  We've highlighted before in this article how skewed that last metric is after their 52 point annihilation of D4 Freeballers, and there are other reasons to think they MAY not be as good as their record suggests (debatably their greatest accomplishment this season was somehow avoiding playing both All We Do is Quinn AND Frodo Swaggins... how did that happen??).  But Dylan led Hitless to a big win over En Fuego this week, and that's enough for him to leapfrog Blase in the Power Rankings this week.

Next Week:  Vaspian

 

#20 Blase LaDuca - En Fuego - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 44-30

Highlights:  En Fuego fell behind big this week before clawing their way back into the game against Scared Hitless.  The end result was a lot closer than the score makes it look, as this one came right down to the wire.  Blase still has En Fuego at .500 with one week left in the regular season.  Grey Hair - Don't Care might be spiraling downward right now, but Frodo is still Frodo.  What a statement win that would be if Blase could take down Scotty Ballgame himself.

Next Week:  Frodo Swaggins, Grey Hair - Don't Care

 

#21 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 16-13 

Highlights:  From September 5th until this past Saturday, Grey Hair - Don't Care have scored 41 points (W), followed by 30 points (W), 24 points (L), 21 points (L), 14 points (L), and 13 points (L).  The way it's trending we're half expecting a Pick-1 on an extra point to be their only score against En Fuego this week.  Losing to Frodo by 3 points is nothing shameful by itself, but what happened to the offense?  Not sure what's wrong with with the former Holy Kielbasans/HK7s/End Gamers this season, they just don't look as sharp as we're used to seeing.  

Next Week:  En Fuego

 

#22 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat Intentional Pounding 26-6

Highlights:  We wonder how Practice Squad gets themselves psyched up for games at this point.  They know they're better than everyone outside of the McGregor family, and B is just going to beat up on whoever crosses their path until the Mountain Dew Me showdown in the finals.  Sucks to be TOX or Zack Attack right now.

Next Week:  TOX, Zack Attack

 

#23 Darrick Castronova - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  DNP

Highlights:  Looked like Sam and Dean saw action for the Platoon this week, so Darrick drops in the Rankings.  That was an easy one.

Next Week:  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo

 

#24 Lucas Kramer - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat All We Do is Quinn 22-20

Highlights:  Vaspian hangs on after running up a big lead and hands a depleted AWDIQ their first loss of their season.  Vaspian is trending up with two wins in a row after an 0-4 start (really 0-3 with a forfeit).  This was a team that many thought would take a big step forward this season, and for whatever reason it hadn't happened.  Maybe we're seeing it now?  Kramer and Co can still finish the regular .500 with a pair of winnable games on the schedule this week.

Next Week:  The Untouchaballs, Scared Hitless

 

#25 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Zack Attack 28-15

Highlights:  Zack Attack had no answer for the seductive power of Darryl's hair, and the best looking team in purple (sorry Quinn, sorry Family Feud) notches another big win this season.  Cobblestone's combined record against D5 powerhouses Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad: 0-2, outscored 62-2.  Cobblestone's combined record against every other team in D5: 4-0-1, outscoring their opponents 140-84.  Darryl's playing great... but are Cobblestone really contenders?

Next Week:  TOX, Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

 

#26 Larry Chruscial - Over Compensators - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Lost to Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 46-40 

Highlights:  The 6 point loss to Rico's can't FEEL good, but a one score game against a top contender in your division?  We've seen worse.  Sometimes when you move up a division you have to take a step backwards before you can take two steps forward, and this season looks like O.C.'s step backwards.  [TSLQBPR Committee Note: although we wrote about Larry in last week's article, we mistakenly included an early draft of the Power Rankings chart at the top with Joe Buscaglia in the 25th spot.  Our bad, Larry.]

Next Week:  Cunning Stunts

 

#27 Steve Moser - Family Feud and some dudes - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 46-32

Highlights:  The bad news for Family Feud?  They gave up another 46 points in a losing effort this week.  The good news?  That actually helped their average points per game against, which now sits at a League worst 50.8 PPG.  Steve has looked fine though on offense.  We wonder how this team would be doing if they'd entered D5 instead.  They'd be losing to Mountain Dew Me we're sure, but could they compete with Practice Squad?  Maybe?

Next Week:  Uncle Rico's Time Travelers

 

#28 Joe Buscaglia - Pteratacos - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 43-10, lost to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 39-26

Highlights:  Pteratacos lost by 13 points, then beat the same team by 33 points a couple hours later.  Football is funny like that.  It should surprise absolutely no one to hear that the Dew Crew and Practice Squad are #1 and #2 in points per game in D5.  #3?  That would be Pteratacos, who have improved tremendously since last year when they won their only game of the season in the final week.  Also, uh, what is the combined age of QBs in D5?  Asking for a friend...

Next Week:  Zack Attack

 

#29 Steve Miller - Graves Bros - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Beat the Bambs 46-32

Highlights:  Steve Miller makes history as the first ever D6 QB to be featured in our Power Rankings (or at least, the portion we share on the website every week).  And why not?  Graves Bros are in first place, no one can catch them, and they lead the division in offensive points per game (33.0).  This is a TIGHT division but Graves Bros hold a slight edge, due in large part to their quarterbacking.

Next Week:  The BiPolar Express

 

#30 Andrew Kicak - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Pteratacos 39-26, lost to Pteratacos 43-10

Highlights:  See: Pteratacos description above.  A win and a loss for Andrew Kicak this week as he makes his TSL QB Power Rankings debut.  Andrew has QBed four games this season, and he has beaten every team he's played against so far (he also has a 33 point loss against one of those teams, but we're stressing the positives).  The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (the greatest name in sports) were 0-4 to start the season, and it seems like a QB change was all they needed to find their mojo.

Next Week:  Cobblestone

 

League Offenses - All Divisions (Chart)

 

Alright, so we're a little lazier than last week.  Below is just ONE chart for all 44 teams in the League, sorted highest to lowest on offensive PPG.  We've colored each division to make it easier to see where you stack up against your peers.  As always, forfeit games have been removed from the math below:

 

 

Immediate thoughts (besides that you hate these graphs)?

 

D4 is unreal.  They have 5 of the top 6 offenses in the League, with one middle of the pack team (Over Compensators) and one offense (Freeballers) we'll say is "struggling", to be charitable.

 

D5 is where offense goes to die.  Mountain Dew Me is, of course, pretty good, 7th in the League.  Practice Squad is decent.  Pteratacos... respectable.  Then they have 5 of the 8 worst offenses in the League.  

 

D1 is more or less what you'd expect, except... how many people would have guessed Tight Ends in Motion were the top offense in the highest division?  Between Bro (2 games) and Alex Buchlis (4 games) they've put together some impressive numbers.  

 

The Bambs seem to have the highest scoring offense (16th in the League) of any team NOT recognized in the QB Power Rankings above.  And you thought YOUR team was unfairly disrespected by our Rankings!

 

What's the WORST offensive team above that we think has an outside shot at winning their division?  Hmmm... if Dean makes a miracle comeback we would say Peachy Platoon, but let's assume that doesn't happen for now.  Probably Practice Squad (low in the rankings but still second in their division) or Marketing Mayors if they bring their best squad (plus they're second in D1 in defense).  For teams below them on the chart?  We're not optimistic.

 

 

Final Observations/Questions:

• Last week we had three remaining undefeated teams, including Eyes Downtown, Mountain Dew Me and All We Do is Quinn, and TWO winless teams, including Freeballers and Why So Serious?  Now we are down to ONE of each going into the final week of the season.  Mountain Dew Me is your last undefeated team.  Freeballers are your last winless team.  Last season there were NO teams that finished without at least one win or one loss.  Will 2020 be different?
• The longest active winning streaks in the League belonged to Mountain Dew Me (7 wins) and Freeballers (5 losses) and neither team played this past week.  There are no other teams that tied either streak this week.
• Excluding two forfeit results, any guesses on how many shutouts there have been this year?  The answer is four.  Mountain Dew Me has two (30-0 over Zack Attack, 53-0 over Intentional Pounding), Scared Hitless has one (52-0 over Freeballers) and Practice Squad has one (30-0 over Cobblestone)
• What would our Top Ten look like if we ranked them based on speed instead of Quarterbacking?  Joey Batts #1 and then maybe Vince Taverna or Mark Dalfonso at #2?  What about if we ranked them on receiving ability?  Would Joey Batts or Mike Thomas be #1?  What about strongest arm?  Best looking?  Most likely to offer to drive you home when you drink too much at the bar?  Rankings are fun.
• Where would Travis be ranked if he consistently started for any one team in the League instead of subbing?  Top Ten, right?  Where would Joe Z rank, with his 0-1 record for Eyes Downtown?  Top Sixty?

 

 

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? we never finished drawing our fourth face on Mount Rushmore? not enough Tater Tots coverage?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?