And we’re off! Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the Race has begun! After a near perfect Week 1 (not that it was hard to beat the Week 1 last spring) that saw its fair share of thrilling games, beautiful weather, and “it’s good to be back” smiles all over the place, the calendar has turned to September and it’s time to “lock in”. 

It’s true, every season at about this time I get to remind you that the first couple of weeks of any TSL season doesn’t matter. It’s never about how you start, it’s about how you finish. You know the drill by now: it takes a couple of weeks for most of the TSL to get into form. Week 1’s big winners are tomorrow’s “upset in the first round of the playoffs” teams. If your team is brand new, added new players and didn’t practice all summer, is full of players who need to stretch in the morning just to make sure they don’t hurt themselves stretching in the afternoon, chances are you didn’t put your best foot forward last week. So many teams need a few weeks to get on the same page, or work themselves back into “top game shape” that it’s hard to recognize what’s real and what’s not at this point. And let’s not forget the excuses that I’m sure we’ve all heard by now: “Our QB wasn’t there!”, “We were missing our best players!”, “Half of our team forgot the season started last week and didn’t show up!”. You get the idea. 

That’s where I come in. I’ve been watching this league from my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa for decades. I have a talent to sniff out what’s real and what’s not at the start of the season. 

 

WHAT’S SUPER REAL: 

-Buddy Lee. He rolled out of bed on Saturday morning, smoked The Malones like it was nothing (hanging 66 points on them in the process), and then casually went 2-0 with PWI without even really trying. He might not be the overall best QB in the league, but he’s on his way. 

-Eyes Downtown heading to the D1 championship game. I’m not ready to crown them champions, but they barely broke a sweat handling the Legends in Week 1, and they’re only going to get better. 

-Darryl’s Roster. Right? They have to be. 

-The Blue Ballers. They’re just going to do that thing they’ve done every season so far. Win. 

-Grey Hair Don’t Care is going to waltz away with an easy D3 title win, because all of the other top teams went to D2. 

-Speaking of, D2 is going to be a weekly firefight no matter who is on the field. 

-Victorious Secret might’ve thrown a damn near perfect game in D5 last week, but that is more than likely going to be the norm going forward. Jeff Krol can see the torches and pitchforks heading his way in the distance already. 

-New teams? No problem. Cat-astrophe and the Bengay Bandits get off to fantastic starts, expect them to be there at the end of the season too. 

 

WHAT’S KIND OF MAYBE REAL:

-Casual reminder that BQI are only two seasons removed from losing in the D5 playoffs. Being 0-2 isn’t a complete surprise, so maybe let’s pump the brakes on the “they’re WAY too good for D2” whining. 

-The Flying Balls might be back up to their old tricks. 

-The Sticky Laces are cursed by some old gypsy woman that now binds them to only playing one point games. This is Kyle’s fault. 

-Fall Blitzkrieg might not be as good as Spring Blitzkrieg anymore? 

 

WHAT’S SUPER DUPER MEGA NO WAY NOT REAL:

-The Legends aren’t dead, they just don’t care yet. Jaded from winning so much for the last decade I guess. 

-Darryl’s roster. Right? 

-Thinking that B or the Stunts are just going to let Grey Hair walk away with a title. 

-That Buddy Lee won’t throw for PWI all season. Over/Under “T-Time” games this season is currently at 1.5. 

 

That about covers it. 

At the end of the day, anything that happened so far doesn’t mean a thing. So tell your hyperactive dude bro blowing up the group chat to chill. This is Week 2, a brand new week, and a brand new opportunity to change your team’s narrative. 

For better or for worse. 

 

D1

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

STICKY BANDITS 48, CAN'T TOUCH THIS 43
FREEBALLERS 66, THE MALONES 28
EYES DOWNTOWN 33, LEGENDS 16

Well, D1 wasted no time reminding us why it's the top division. Can't Touch This showed up to their D1 debut and went toe-to-toe with Sticky in a 91-point slugfest, and just like Rocky Balboa, they too lost to Apollo Creed, but they sure earned some respect. They'll be just fine in D1. Eyes Downtown, meanwhile, look every bit like the champs, handling the Legends in a way that has to make the rest of the division a little nervous. But the game everyone's still talking about? The Freeballers dropping SIXTY-SIX on the Malones. Don’t get me wrong, The Malones world beaters on defense to begin with, but if that's the real Freeballers, D1 just got a whole lot more interesting. And if you're the Malones, giving up 66 has to sting in a way no amount of "it's Week 1" can fully explain away.

EYES DOWNTOWN VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+7) - The best thing that could happen to the TSL would be Frodo Swaggins walking in a week late to the party, and punching the champs in the mouth. It would instantaneously make D1 an “anyone can win this division" division. But Eyes Downtown looked so damn good last week. Frodo keeps them on their toes but blinks first at the end. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4

STICKY BANDITS VS THE MALONES (+10) - The Malones sitting at 10 point underdogs feels soooo 2023. But with rumored QB issues, and the defense they ordered still stuck in transit somewhere near Toledo, the reality is that they are very very not back. Sticky calmly outlasted Can’t Touch This last week, and somehow out of the 7 teams in D1, they’re making the least amount of noise. Just how they like it. STICKY BANDITS BY 12

FREEBALLERS VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+4) - It’s apparent that when Garrett walked into Jeff Krol’s office at TSL HQ to request off from his position of Referee Wrangler for Week 1 for his darkness retreat, Mr. Krol smiled, approved the request, and then because he can see the future, scheduled Garrett in a doubleheader against the hottest two teams in the division. Nobody announced their arrival louder than the Freeballers did last weekend, and now it’s on them to prove it wasn’t a fluke. Unlike the Freeballers teams of the past, this one will actually do it. FREEBALLERS BY 10

CAN'T TOUCH THIS VS LEGENDS (+1) - Sometimes the odds maker just makes me laugh. I get it, the Legends looked unlegendary last week while CTT looked like they belonged in D1 (which everyone in the TSL except them has known for a minute now). But to make them slight favorites is a little too much until they earn it. I’d wager my hard earned Topper Bucks on the Legends here. Either I'm getting points with the 2nd best team of all time, or I’m getting some fantastic “WE SHOWED YOU” emails from CTT. LEGENDS BY 8

 

D2

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

BULLET CLUB 35, BQI 25
PWI 45, LET'S GET RECCKED 28
PWI 48, BQI 46
THE SYSTEM 29, D-GENERATION X Y AND Z 15

The "new" D2 came out swinging, and the early headline is fairly easy. PWI IS BACK! Two games, two wins, including a nailbiter over BQI that told us everything we needed to know about how quickly this team would be able to shake the rust off. Speaking of BQI, an 0-2 start was not on the bingo card for them, but that's the thing about this D2: everybody can play, and there are no nights off. The good news for them (incoming theme of the article) is there's a lot of football left and the offense clearly has juice. The System looked the part in a comfortable win over the Kellers, and they’re only going up from here.  

 

PWI VS BULLET CLUB (+2) - Two old rivals meet again for the first time in a while. Both teams looked good against BQI, but in different ways. PWI couldn’t stop scoring (or allowing points) while Bullet Club really played well defensively overall, while not being too shabby on offense. I tend to lean towards the better defensive team getting an extra stop or two in these situations.  BULLET CLUB BY 1

LET'S GET RECCKED VS D-GENERATION X Y AND Z (+1) -  It wasn’t quite a storybook beginning in D2 for LGR, but with the new players they added it makes sense that it’ll take a minute for them to really gel. That’s not a problem for DXYZ, however. If Damian can channel his grandfather’s amazing QB skills that are still laying dormant inside of him, DXYZ could really go places. D-GENERATION X Y AND Z BY 3

THE SYSTEM VS BQI (+7) - One bad week does not a season make. BQI’s 0-2 start is a top TSL headline, but that’s only because of how it caught the public off guard. What matters the most is that BQI improved in their second game, and they’re going to be even better this week. The System was in cruise control for most of week 1, but they’re going to “get up” for this one and they’re not going to make it easy on Bridget whatsoever. Last year’s loss still sits in their memories. This week’s loss is really going to bug them too. BQI BY 8

 

D3

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE 41, CUNNING STUNTS 27
BUFFALO VICE 21, COBBLESTONE 0 (FORFEIT)
GREY HAIR - DON'T CARE 42, MIKE'S DETAILING 24

I said Grey Hair - Don't Care would win this division and they spent Week 1 making me look like a genius, going 2-0 and taking care of both the Cunning Stunts AND Mike's Detailing in the process. That's about as good a start as you could ask for. The Stunts and MD both had their moments but couldn't close, which is going to be the D3 story all year in this reshuffled bunch. And then there's Cobblestone. Darryl's mystery roster of ringers was so mysterious that it didn't actually show up, handing Buffalo Vice a free 21-0 W. I said I'd believe it when I saw it, and well, I still haven't seen it. Vice, for their part, will take the easy win and the return to a division where they can breathe a little easier after a rough season last season.

BUFFALO VICE VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+1) - Buffalo Vice is back to their winning ways in their return to D3. Both of these teams should have a chip on their shoulders to some degree. Yeah, Vice didn’t have the best of seasons last season, but that doesn’t mean they weren’t just playing in a tougher division and things should be “easier” (for lack of a better term) for them. And the Squad might not have Kenny to save them anymore, but they still have a crotchedy old rocket armed QB who has never met a slight he didn’t turn into motivation. Not to mention the rest of the talent on the roster (Hi Renee!) still exists. Yet both teams feel like D3 afterthoughts. Not for long. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

COBBLESTONE VS MIKE'S DETAILING (+1) - MIKE’S DETAILING REVENGE GAME! Maybe. If Cobblestone shows up. Cobblestone knocked MD out of the D4 playoffs in an upset last season, and now both teams are up in D3 to rekindle the budding rivalry. I know that Darryl Carr QB Superstar is sitting on an amazing team, and he’s going to prove the doubters wrong this week. COBBLESTONE BY 8

 

D4

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

BLUE BALLERS 45, BALLS DEEP 25
POWERPUFF GIRLS 39, I'D RATHER BE GOLFING 20
NOT SO STICKY 36, I'D RATHER BE GOLFING 25
FLYING BALLS 38, SKELETON CREW 35
GREAT VALUE TATER THOTS 43, POWERPUFF GIRLS 23

The champ-vs-champ opener was a little anti-climatic,  with the Blue Ballers reminding everybody that back-to-back titles weren't a fluke, handling the reigning D4 champs in Balls Deep. The Tater Thots came back to the fall session and immediately dropped 43 on the PPG, because of course they did. Poor I'd Rather Be Golfing drew a double-header from hell and went home 0-2 through no real fault of their own, losing to the PowerPuffs and to Not So Sticky. And give it up for the Flying Balls, who edged the Skeleton Crew in a fun one to kick off both teams’ new QB eras.  

 

BLUE BALLERS VS COOCHIE MONSTERS (+8) - When we last left the Coochie Monsters, they were among the front runners for the D4 title and then everything went sideways. Their welcome back present? The freight train known as the Blue Ballers. There are absolutely better ways to start a season. It’ll get better for the Coochies. BLUE BALLERS BY 18

NOT SO STICKY VS BALLS DEEP (+14) - Balls Deep might be the first team in TSL history to win a championship, stay in their division, and end up as double digit underdogs within a week. I don’t love this line, and I’d take the points regardless, as Not So Sticky doesn’t usually light up the scoreboard, they just do what they need to to win. NSS controlled their game with IRBG last week, and expect more of the same here. NOT SO STICKY BY 7

POWERPUFF GIRLS VS BALLS DEEP (+11) - I want to be clear, Balls Deep is a good team. They’re smart, athletic, and they possess some legitimately underrated females in the TSL that if Rameer were alive today, he’d already be in their DMs trying to steal them away for his next D1 team that fails. But they’re not the PowerPuff Girls. The PPGs are working towards full strength, and for anyone who forgot, they’re absolute killers when they get there. And they’re getting there. POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 10

 

D5

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

VICTORIOUS SECRET 59, PIT HARADE 18
TMA 32, ROOM 40 22
COME FROM BEHIND 30, WET BANDITS 14
716ERS 28, BLITZKRIEG 20

I told you Fall Blitzkrieg is a different animal, as the 716ers knocked them off their pedestal right away, which was surprising. Victorious Secret announced themselves to D5 by hanging 59 points on Pit Harade, which is exactly the kind of thing that will make lesser teams start to whine more. TMA slid up from D6 and looked comfortable against Room 40, and CFB did CFB things, grinding out a win over the Wet Bandits. 

 

BLITZKRIEG VS ROOM 40 (+7) - Blitzkrieg may have just had an off week last Saturday, and if that’s the case, we’ll find out here. BK had next to no problem with Room 40 last season, and if they struggle here, then it’s time for concern. As for Room 40 right now, it’s “new name, same concerns”. Let’s see how they look this week. BLITZKRIEG BY 12

TMA VS BLITZKRIEG (+5) -  BK then gets an immediate test in the D6 defending champs, TMA. This one should be a good one, as TMA seems to have picked up right where they left off last season. TMA BY 4

COME FROM BEHIND VS PIT HARADE (+10) - Come From Behind had a lot of things go their way last weekend, while Pit Harade was more of the opposite. Pairing FA signing Garrett with former MVP Quentin Holliday could be the cure to what ailed PH not just last week, but last season as well. CFB continues to just get the job done no matter who they have on the field. This should be a good test for both teams. COME FROM BEHIND BY 3

VICTORIOUS SECRET VS TMA (+3) - Victorious Secret could not be stopped last week, which had to give Jordan that old familiar feeling he had in the minors when anything he did turned to gold. TMA should provide a much stiffer test for them, and TMA knows how to use their ladies to keep pace with the gender teams. TMA gives them a run for their money but ultimately falls short. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 13

VICTORIOUS SECRET VS 716ERS (+8) - The 716ers made a BIG statement last week, smacking Blitzkrieg around and announcing themselves as contenders for the title. If they truly are title material, this will be the game where they find out. They haven’t played a gender team yet (I don’t think), and there is definitely an adjustment period for that. I’m not sure how good the 716ers ladies are, but they better be on top of their game or else. VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 17

 

D6

 

LAST WEEK'S GAMES

IRISH GIANTS 39, SELECT 36
BENGAY BANDITS 45, BLITZED AND CONFUSED 6
CAT-TASTROPHE 24, STICKY LACES 23

The preseason favorites in the Irish Giants got the job done against a Select team that, as always, plays a close game. But the real story of D6 are the new kids on the block: The Bengay Bandits brutalized BnC, while Cat-Tastrophe snuck out a 1 point nailbiter over the Sticky Laces! Let’s Go Trophes! 

CAT-TASTROPHE VS RAW MILKERS (+3) -  The Trophes came into the TSL and immediately made their mark with a one point win against a solid Sticky Laces team. Up next for them are the Raw Milkers, a very solid team in their own right. The Milkers have been teetering on the edge of glory for a couple of seasons now, and they’re LONG overdue to have that breakout season. Now is the time. RAW MILKERS BY 3

RAW MILKERS VS SBG (+9) - Following up with that theme, the Milkers are cruising into a double header, but they get SBG, a team that got so shook in D5 last season, half of the team lost the love of the game and retired from sports as a whole midseason. At least that’s what I was told. But they’re back, they’re in D6, and they’re looking to get after it. It’s just hard to back them right now. RAW MILKERS BY 9

STICKY LACES VS SBG (+12) - To make matters worse for SBG, they get a doubleheader against a Sticky Laces team that’s already been taken by surprise by a team they underestimated. They won’t make the mistake again. I think.  STICKY LACES BY 12

BENGAY BANDITS VS SELECT (+9) - The Bengay Bandits are either the superstars of D6, or they got to play a team that literally was Blitzed and Confused last week. I’d like to think that type of dominance was more of a fluke, and we’ll get a better judgment of how good they are this week against a Select team that gave the Irish Giants a hell of a game last season.  SELECT BY 1

 

 

TSC VS THE GODFATHER

 

LAST WEEK'S RESULTS:

The Godfather: 17-5 SU, 15-6-1 ATS
The TSC: 13-9 SU, 11-10-1 ATS

The Man once again asserts his dominance over The Machine. For now. 

 

THE TSC'S PICKS:

D1
EYES DOWNTOWN VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+7) -- EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4
STICKY BANDITS VS THE MALONES (+10) -- THE MALONES BY 1
FREEBALLERS VS FRODO SWAGGINS (+4) -- FREEBALLERS BY 6
CAN'T TOUCH THIS VS LEGENDS (+1) -- CAN'T TOUCH THIS BY 3

D2
PWI VS BULLET CLUB (+2) -- PWI BY 4
LET'S GET RECCKED VS D-GENERATION X Y AND Z (+1) -- D-GENERATION X Y AND Z BY 2
THE SYSTEM VS BQI (+7) -- BQI BY 1

D3
BUFFALO VICE VS PRACTICE SQUAD (+1) -- PRACTICE SQUAD BY 2
COBBLESTONE VS MIKE'S DETAILING (+1) -- MIKE'S DETAILING BY 8

D4
BLUE BALLERS VS COOCHIE MONSTERS (+8) -- BLUE BALLERS BY 5
NOT SO STICKY VS BALLS DEEP (+14) -- NOT SO STICKY BY 12
POWERPUFF GIRLS VS BALLS DEEP (+11) -- POWERPUFF GIRLS BY 6

D5
BLITZKRIEG VS ROOM 40 (+7) -- BLITZKRIEG BY 9
TMA VS BLITZKRIEG (+5) -- TMA BY 2
COME FROM BEHIND VS PIT HARADE (+10) -- COME FROM BEHIND BY 7
VICTORIOUS SECRET VS TMA (+3) -- VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 1
VICTORIOUS SECRET VS 716ERS (+8) -- VICTORIOUS SECRET BY 10

D6
CAT-TASTROPHE VS RAW MILKERS (+3) -- RAW MILKERS BY 1
RAW MILKERS VS SBG (+9) -- RAW MILKERS BY 11
STICKY LACES VS SBG (+12) -- STICKY LACES BY 14
BENGAY BANDITS VS SELECT (+9) -- BENGAY BANDITS BY 6

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• The Freeballers hung 66 on the Malones in an impressive win. Is that a genuine sign that this is finally their year, or just a fact you’ll be using in your playoff article on why the 2-6 Freeballers COULD MAYBE UPSET their first round opponent? You know how rebuilding teams in the major sports leagues slowly add an impact player or two every season and before you know it, they’re just in the favorites section? I think the Freeballers have finally added enough impact pieces that it’s time for them to cash in. I don’t know what a Jurrien Mitchell is, but word is he may be the best player in the TSL already. If Buddy Lee can find him open more than a few times a game, 66 points might not be an impressive outlier, it might be the norm. 

 

 

 

• BQI opened 0-2 as a preseason co-favorite. Is it panic time in that camp yet, or is the offense good enough that they climb right back into the D2 race? The entire theme of this article is that one week does not make a season. BQI has two people on that roster who are crazy and obsessed with winning and they hate to lose: Bobby and Girl Bobby. If you think they didn’t have 3 practices this week, even in those torrential downpours, you’re the crazy one. 

 

 

 

• Both brand-new D6 teams that won (Bengay Bandits and Cat-Tastrophe) looked way better than a first-week roster should. Which one do you actually believe in going forward? Can the answer be both? Both wins were impressive regardless of how you look at it. Sure, the teams had players on them who’ve played in the league before, so they weren’t COMPLETELY brand new, but they looked like they belonged, and that’s what matters. 

 

 

 

• We've got a loaded D1 slate this week with Sticky-Malones, Frodo-Eyes Downtown, Frodo-Freeballers, and CTT-Legends on the schedule, but every D1 game should be must-see TV. Which Week 2 matchup across the rest of the league are you most excited for? There are so many good matchups this week, at least on paper. There’s a reason to be interested in every single game, which is rare. I’m going to cheat and give you two: TMA vs Victorious Secret, and the Blue Ballers vs Coochie Monsters. I have to go before I change my mind. 

• Last but not least, we see the return of Fall Breakfast Club! The season starts this week, who do you have winning it all? It’s still fantastic to see that the TSL Universe willed this to happen. After being sent the rosters, it’s very, very hard to pick against Steph Infection. Plus, Steph is kind of due to win again anyway. They win over Carly-fornia Dreaming. 

 

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

 

• There have been more than enough complaints from people about “teams being too good for this division or that division”. It’s not as though there’s an exact science to this. Topper and Lenny used to debate for weeks about who should go where, and naturally, you’re going to get something wrong. This league has seen more than its fair share of “super good teams way too good for their division” not win it all. Play the games. 

 

 

 

• GAMES OF THE DAY: 

• 10:00am - Bullet Club vs PWI

• 11:00am - Freeballers vs Frodo Swaggins

• 12:00pm - Blue Ballers vs Coochie Monsters

• 1:00pm - TMA vs Victorious Secret

• 2:00pm - BQI vs The System

• 3:00pm - Balls Deep vs PowerPuff Girls

 

 

 

• BREAKFAST CLUB PREDICTIONS:

• Steph Infection 33, D’s Nutz 20

• Missydemeanor 37, Meagan It Happen 27

• Carly-fornia Dreaming 28, Megoonsta’s 26

 

 

 

• I was told that next Saturday, 9/12,  around 4:30 after the games is when Garrett Beesing is hosting his annual Blind Draw Dart Tournament at the bar if you’re interested! Reach out to Garrett if you’d like to partake! 

 

 

 

• It’s looking like another gorgeous day for football: 74 degrees and Partly Sunny. Enjoy it while it lasts there in Buffalo, it could snow by next week. 

 

 

 

• We’re getting to the point again where the TSL is overflowing with talented females in every single division. The last time this happened, we ended up with 4 gender teams playing at once, to the point where the league had to consider making one specific hour per week where only the gender teams played. We’re already up to three (Stunts, PowerPuffs, and Secret) and we could easily roster a 4th. I wonder who could be up to the task? 

 

 

 

• Remember, don’t bring outside alcohol to the fields, and also the Rose Garden once again has bar specials for Week 2!

 

                   

 

• If you’re reading this on the website, check out our other fun media/articles: 

 

 

-The TSL QB Power Rankings, our look into the top QBs in the league this season ranked by a group of long time TSLers! 

-The TSC, a rogue AI that Topper created on a wine bender that now watches the fields, trying to understand what the TSL is, and discovering what teams are good or bad. It also picks the games (as you can see above). 

-The Lenny Alba Variety Hour, a brand new TSL article that is written by YOU, the TSL universe. If you want to write something about the league that you’d like to say, this is your spot. Consider it like a Voice of the League type article that can literally be about anything you want to get off your chest or look into. ANYONE can do it, and if we get more than one article a week, we’ll just post them all. The more the merrier.

-The TSL Podcast, our weekly podcast that has been running strong for nearly a decade. Joe K, Dorene, Tino, and whatever TSL guests they can acquire as they talk about the current events going on in the TSL Universe and discuss the players and games!  You can listen to it on the website (at the bottom of the page) or on Spotify. They’re always looking for new guests, so reach out to Jeff Krol or any of the hosts asap! 

 

 

• You have to wonder if the real reason Darryl didn’t submit a roster last week was because he was smartly waiting for NFL cutdown day that came a day after we played our first games. Now that he’s had his pick of the litter from those players, he should be showing up with the Monstars. 

 

 

 

• There’s nothing like the feeling of hearing a happy Jeff Krol on the other end of the phone letting me know that the day went relatively smoothly, without anything too crazy happening. Week 1 always seemed to have fireworks in one way or another the last few seasons, so getting through it unscathed is a win in itself. 

 

 

Pay your referees, get there on time, and have fun. 

 

-GF OUT