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Playoffs Predictions and Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 18 June 2021 16:33
Published: Friday, 18 June 2021 16:33
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I regret to inform you that the regular season has come to a close. What was once a season full of potential and promise for everyone, has now given way to the harsh realities many teams faced as the season went away. Injuries, players who just never showed up, teams failing to mesh together quickly, bad luck, and other reasons are why so many things went wrong for so many teams over the last two months.

 

               And now, the real fun begins.

 

               That’s right! The race for social co-ed football immortality officially begins this Saturday, as we dive head first into the Topper Sports Spring 2021 Playoffs. We started with 60 teams this season, and we’re already down to 50 as we head into the weekend. Granted, 4 of those are Breakfast Club teams who started their playoffs last weekend, but they’re racing for immortality nonetheless.

 

               It’s been said before, but the last few weeks are more telling than the first few. Teams are figuring out how to win together, and they’re hitting their stride at the right time. We’ve seen that recently with University Wealth Management winning their last two games, or Why So Serious just beating Public Enemy. These are just two examples. On the other side of things, Bullet Club is on a 7 game losing streak after being a couple plays away from a 4-0 start or Graves Bros, once the D6 favorites, sit at 5-4 after a 4-2 start, and the only win was against Juiced. Juiced would struggle against a group of toddlers though, so you can’t be too excited about that win.

 

               And those are just a few examples before we really get into the meat of this article. This article is always a long one, so if you want to Venmo Topper some tips for my great work please do. I’m kidding, don’t actually do that. I forget this league is full of people that would. But joking aside, thank you to the VERY HIGH number of teams that reached out when Topper asked for some information from everyone. I get a lot of emails throughout the season, but it’s always good to hear from those squads that I don’t talk to often, if at all.

 

               This is it. This is the playoffs. Who has the best chance to win? Who’s GOING to win? The truth is, we always think we know, and we never do. And that’s the true magic of the TSL Playoffs: Anyone can win. Except the Freeballers.

 

Let’s get into it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 41, Sloppy Seconds 20

Why So Serious? 48, Public Enemy 43

 

               Yeah, you saw that right. Why So Serious decided to wait until the last week of the season to win a game, and boy was it a doozy. Public Enemy misses out on their customary bye and will have to play in the first week of the playoffs for the first time since 1996 (probably). Tight Ends walked through Sloppy Seconds as pretty much predicted to wrap up the #1 seed and home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Eyes Downtown took home the other bye this year with TEIM, which means they get one less week of football than everyone else so maybe they AREN’T the winners here. As we go through the games please recall that all “Points For, Points Against” things are the DIVISION averages, whereas the TSL Rank is for all 60 teams (it includes the Breakfast Club teams which is hilarious and awesome).

 

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Tight Ends In Motion (3-1)

Public Enemy (5-1)

Eyes Downtown (7-1)

Sticky Bandits (20-1)

Why So Serious (21-1)

Sloppy Seconds (30-1)

 

               It’s incredibly hard to bet on anyone but Tight Ends this season, but its also incredibly hard to forget them cracking under the pressure in the championship last year too. Even in a down year, PE is the “favorite” to beat the TEIM juggernaut, even as the 3 seed. New Eyes Downtown have been a revelation, but there’s still a couple kinks to work out that make me think this isn’t the year. Sticky, Why So Serious, and Sloppy Seconds “bring up the rear”, and while they’re all capable of winning a game in the playoffs, I can’t imagine them beating any two of the top three on Championship Saturday.

 

#3 Public Enemy (6-3) vs #6 Why So Serious? (1-8)

Points For: PE – 32.11 (3rd), WSS – 21.88 (6th)

Points Against: PE – 28.33 (2nd), WSS – 42.00 (6th)

TSL Rank: PE – 20th, WSS – 58th

Past Games: PE 33 - WSS 17 and WSS 48 – PE 43

Official Line: Public Enemy (-9)

 

The Analysis: On paper, Why So Serious gets blown out of the water. But, stuck in the back of everyone’s minds for this game is what we just saw last weekend: Why So Serious 48, Public Enemy 43. WSS had it’s entire team for the first time all season, and it lead to a big win that sets up this rematch. Add into the widespread chatter about who PE is going to be missing this weekend and there’s a very real chance that the upset is about to happen. On top of that, Asian Pete (Which again, that’s how HE signs his emails to me, I just call him “Pete”, and I don’t even think we have another Pete of note in the TSL. Its 2021 Peter, get woke.) emailed me to specifically say that he “actually tried” this week which, along with Terrell Bolden playing was the catalyst for the upset. Are we going to see history “Re-Pete” itself? (Buckle up kids, this is going to be a long article full of these puns)

 

The Prediction: I want to bet against Public Enemy. I do. But historically that has gone so poorly for anyone in TSL history. Until they’re actually dead, I can’t bet against them. Ask Tight Ends about that. It’s a respect thing for me. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 3.

 

#4 Sticky Bandits (4-5) vs #5 Sloppy Seconds (1-8)

Points For: SB – 28.38 (4th), SS – 27.67 (5th)

Points Against: SB – 32.00 (4th), SS – 39.89 (5th)

TSL Rank: SB – 35th, SS – 52nd

Past Games: SB 54 – SS 16

Official Line: Sticky Bandits (-3)

 

The Analysis: The story line headed into this season was how Dave Baker spurned the Sticky Bandits, leaving them for dead as they moved up to D1 because he couldn’t get over his own ego and had to lead the team HE created to a championship. The irony is that in the first round of the playoffs, Sticky gets to play Sloppy Seconds, a team full of very nice people that Jeff Krol brutally cut from Sticky Nation and left them for dead. While Sticky is looking for revenge on Tight Ends and Dave, they also have a team full of people looking for the same revenge against them this week. The problem with this, is that Sticky replaced Baker with an Older, Faster, More Talented version of him in Kevin Zack and then for good measure also added a Younger, Faster, More Talented version of Baker in Dean Thompson. Believe me, they’re not hurting for talent, and as Jeff Krol wrote to me this week: “If you write one thing about us in your end of season recap, it should be how much we fucking love playing with those guys.What an endorsement. Sloppy isn’t a team full of slouches either mind you. There’s a LOT of talent over there with Alex Buchlis throwing, Ben Stack and Garrett Beesing receiving, and they have Amy Taylor kicking some tail too. But with most new teams, it takes time to mesh well, and doing that in D1 makes it a little bit harder.

 

The Prediction: Give me the stability of the Sticky Nation all day, every day. This is a team that has played together for 360 years and has risen to the ranks together. It’s nothing against Sloppy. I truly hope they keep it going, as more time to mesh as a team together will yield some better results on the field sooner than later. STICKY BANDITS BY 13

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 34, Slytherin That End Zone 32

Losing Streak 62, XTC 14

Scared Hitless 28, A&A 27

When Dove Cries 41, Passed Our Prime 28

Mountain Dew Me 45, Bullet Club 36

A&A 43, When Dove Cries 22

 

               Peachy finishes at the top of the table with yet another come from behind victory over SITE, who snatched yet another defeat from the jaws of victory. Losing Streak continues to put up their impressive offensive numbers in a thrashing of XTC, who was giving Eric Flynn a go at the QB position for the last time ever. Scared Hitless was down 27-0 before JONNY F’N FOOTBALL stepped in at QB (or so I’ve been told, Jonny didn’t return my emails to confirm this) to lead SH to a 1 point win over A&A. Topper was missing a good chunk of his team this week and still went 1-1. Mountain Dew Me overcame an early deficit to run (literally) past Bullet Club as well.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

This is the spot where we highlight our teams that have left us too soon, and they’ve already been eliminated from the playoffs.

 

#10 Passed Our Prime (1-8) – A rough season from POP after such potential coming out of the indoor league. But that roster had players like Robin Makula, Stoner Dave, Chris Nelson, and Ralph Finney, all of whom have ties to other teams during TSL Proper. Unfortunately for Jeremy, the replacements he made to his roster ended up not showing up much, if at all (Hi Bloomfield!) and it cost them in the end. But you know who DID show up? Keyon Elias should be a legitimate D2 MVP candidate, even for a 1-8 team that missed the playoffs. And Jeremy made it a point to email me to give Amanda Paolucci a shout out for playing some of her best football of her life, and this is apparently after not playing for 5 years. I truly hope this isn’t an exaggeration. The present for this team seems dismal, but the future looks brighter, especially if they can get their roster there. A few more games from some key players and they’d have made the playoffs. This team had the 3rd best offense in the division, but it was that defense that really hurt them.

 

#9 Scared Hitless (2-7) – The defending D3 champions made the jump up to D2, and while it SEEMS like it was a lost season, there’s a lot of be proud of here. We said it before the season: this team’s hopes relied on the continued growth of QB Dylan Day. While Hitless was last in the division in offense, the defense was great and kept them in a lot of games, finishing 6th in the division. They also held Losing Streak to 22 points, which is impressive. There’s a lot to grow on here. They’re talented on both sides of the ball, and when your girls are the 1A and 1B that is Cat Peters and Jaimie Warren with Carly Deweese right there to step in at any time, Hitless has one of the top female groups in D2. I look forward to seeing what they can do in the Fall.

 

THE ODDS:

 

Losing Streak (4-1)

Peachy Platoon (6-1)

A&A (7-1)

Mountain Dew Me (9-1)

When Dove Cries (12-1)

XTC (20-1)

Slytherin That End Zone (20-1)

Bullet Club (20-1)

 

               Losing Streak opens the playoffs with the best odds to win a very competitive D2. They were the only team to beat Peachy Platoon, who hasn’t looked as Peachy the last two weeks. A&A still boasts incredible amounts of talent across the board, even with the hiccup to Scared Hitless last week. Mountain Dew Me can score, but their defense is a little worrying. You can never fully count out Topper, especially when he has his full complement of women on the field. XTC, SITE, and Bullet Club are all capable of upsets here, but with the way their seasons have gone it feels pretty unlikely any of them will go on a run.

 

#1 Peachy Platoon (7-1-1) vs #8 Bullet Club (2-7)

Points For: PP – 35.11 (5th), BC – 27.78 (8th)

Points Against: PP – 25.33 (1st), BC – 36.56 (8th)

TSL Rank:  PP – 4th, BC – 46th

Past Games: PP 41 – BC 16

Official Line: Peachy (-7)

 

The Analysis: While Peachy Platoon hasn’t looked great in the last two weeks, Bullet Club hasn’t looked great in the last two months. Peachy has overcome deficits of 16-0 and 18-0 to win the last two weeks, the former being against Bullet Club. Josh Thompson wrote me to give me the heads up that the Platoon will be shorthanded again this week, and Tommy Nolder will sub in to join Dean, Josh, and Zak along with the three headed monster that is the Peachy Ladies. Joy Thompson, Marissa Thompson, and criminally underrated Teresa DeLabio are fast, sure handed, and they’re arguably the best female group in the entire league. On the Bullet Club side of things, it wasn’t too long ago that we were talking about how they could’ve been 4-0. Stop me if you heard this before, but Chad Griffin showing up is usually the catalyst for these games, but he’s been largely absent yet again. Scotty Dro might have thrown a few bad interceptions, but when his receivers are dropping the ball as often as BC has been, he has to take some chances. Rawdog has proven to be a great signing, and Zach Newberry has had a nice season as well, but there’s not too much to get excited about over here. I

 

The Prediction: It sounds like there will be key players missing on both sides of the ball here. Peachy has been “not great” in the first half of games, where as Bullet Club tends to take early leads and blow them. This has all the makings of an early BC lead that Peachy promptly erases in a come from behind late victory. PEACHY PLATOON BY 6.

 

 

#2 Losing Streak (7-2) vs #7 Slytherin That End Zone (3-6)

Points For: LS – 42.22 (1st), SITE – 25.56 (9th)

Points Against: LS – 25.44 (2nd), SITE – 30.89 (5th)

TSL Rank:  LS – 10th, SITE – 44th

Past Games: LS 43, SITE 28

Official Line: Losing Streak (-11)

 

The Analysis: Gary was nice enough to tell me what the hell is wrong with SITE this season. They returned essentially the same team, but they’ve been relatively awful this season. And his answer makes a ton of sense: attendance. I know it’s an awful reason to be awful, but when your QB misses half of the games, and just about everyone else on your team has missed 2 or more games, there just isn’t any way to create some team chemistry. What does that mean? It means a full SITE roster could be that 7 seed shocking the world this weekend. . . .If they were playing anyone else. Losing Streak is the best team in D2, regardless of record. They beat Peachy, and their only two losses were to some Topper Magic on his final drive and A&A demolished them, the only real hiccup for this season. They can score, we know this. Losing Streak has run up the scoreboard on many teams this season, and I don’t mean that in a malicious way. They’re just operating at a VERY high offensive level. Jordan wrote me to say the biggest reason is because they’re playing as a TEAM. And what a team they’ve been. Besides having Anna and Rylee as female studs, they boast D2 Male MVP candidate Ralph Finney and underrated Joe Robison killing on offense. When your other guys make Chris Nelson look like Seann Nelson and he becomes your 3rd best player, you know something is going absolutely right. I didn’t even comment yet on how well Jordan has been slinging the ball this season, and that’s because the numbers just do the talking for me. Losing Streak, even if they somehow lose this game, has shattered the “Game On teams would get destroyed in anything above D3 at Toppers” narrative. That’s something to be proud of.

 

The Predicition: This is a story of one team absolutely slaying it on the field, while the other is just hoping everyone shows up. Losing Streak is a well oiled machine playing as a team, where as SITE is a group of 10 individuals who wear 10 different shades of green. When you can’t even get two people to agree on what shade of your team color to wear, that’s a problem. LOSING STREAK BY 17

 

 

#3 Mountain Dew Me (7-2) vs #6 XTC (4-5)

Points For: MDM – 35.33 (4th), XTC – 30.00 (7th)

Points Against: MDM – 32.89 (7th), XTC – 36.88 (9th)

TSL Rank: MDM – 16th, XTC – 38th

Past Games: MDM 35, XTC 26

Official Line: Mountain Dew Me (-8)

 

The Analysis: When these two teams met in Week 1, I don’t think anyone expected them to have gone off in such opposite directions. Mountain Dew Me acclimated themselves to the D2 game very quickly, as Joey Batts gave them a bit of order and knowledge on offense that was more than “Just go be fast as hell”. It goes unlooked on the knowledge and talent Jill Battaglia brings to the table as well, giving MDM a damn good female who has chemistry with their new QB off the bat. The “under the radar” signing though was Matt “Glasses” Voyer, who is just a safety valve that can get 8-15 yards per play as teams continue to underestimate him. And then you get into the McGregors, specifically Jordan, who has just been a complete terror for opposing defenses. MDM’s defense isn’t too special, and they allow a good amount of points, so if they can’t keep up with a great offense, they’re in trouble. Don’t believe me? Their two losses were to Peachy and Losing Streak (who put up 55). That shows they need to shore up the defense to really make a title run. XTC got the band back together this season with some mixed results. They’ve done some good things on offense, but even with the re-addition of Flynn and Joe Russell, the defense hasn’t done them too many favors. They’re the definition of the “smart and talented team that can beat you if you sleep on them”, and they’ll have the female advantage this game with Katie Keller and Kelly Mazur ready to go.

 

The Prediction: The problem with what I just said is that Joey Batts will make sure MDM doesn’t sleep on XTC. He knows what they can do, and looking ahead in this division is a fool’s errand. I fully expect MDM to be ready for this one, but I can’t imagine them getting much further in the playoffs. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 9.

 

#4 A&A (6-3) vs #5 When Dove Cries (5-3-1)

Points For: AA – 36.22 (2nd), WDC – 31.00 (6th)

Points Against: AA – 25.89 (3rd), WDC - 28.67 (4th)

TSL Rank:  AA – 18th, WDC – 22nd

Past Games: AA 43, WDC 22

Official Line: A&A (-5)

 

The Analysis: OH ITS SO ON! The TSL gods up above have given us this fantastic first round matchup. Matty Ice vs Topper is a TSL QB battle for the ages. The amount of home décor Topper might buy for Travis, Val, and Matty could reach the tens of thousands if he pulls off a big win here. The numbers suggest A&A is under ranked as the 4 seed, but their performance as of late hasn’t been the best. Yes, I’m well aware that A&A just beat WDC by 21 points last week. But that was Topper’s 4th game, where he didn’t have any of his girls, and he didn’t have Drew either. Honestly, we just can’t go off of that game. All of these players know each other really well, and this is going to be the most fun game of D2, hands down.

 

The Prediction: On the most recent podcast, Travis sounded a lot like he was already looking for his next team. That makes me feel like A&A isn’t really invested in each other, which is something that really matters for the playoffs, especially in a game that feels as close as this one. Championship Week would be weird without Topper playing. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 6.

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 48, Top Shot 33

Grey Hair Don’t Care 37, The Angels 33

Wolfpack 20, All We Do Is Quinn 6

The Angels 44, All We Do Is Quinn 18

The Untouchaballs 31, Vaspian 6

 

               Frodo beats Top Shot and sort of shocks the world. Grey Hair takes its like 3rd straight game against the Angels on a late drop. AWDIQ is either REALLY playing possum for the playoffs, or it’s a wrap for the former contenders. Wolfpack continues winning. The Untouchaballs take an easy one from a depleted Vaspian squad.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Top Shot (2-1)

Frodo Swaggins (2-1)

The Angels (10-1)

Grey Hair (10-1)

Wolfpack (12-1)

The Untouchaballs (20-1)

All We Do Is Quinn (25-1)

Vaspian (100-1)

 

               100-1 odds is a lot, but Vaspian would have to beat Top Shot, and THEN Frodo, and THEN the Angels/Grey Hair most likely so it just doesn’t seem possible. Top Shot and Frodo receive top billing here. These are the two most clear cut teams, and the QB Power Rankings taught me the fun fact that Frodo HASN’T LOST A GAME WITH GARRETT AT QB. I can’t believe it, but Garrett is QB of the Year for D3. What a world. The Angels and Grey Hair are evenly matched, regardless of Grey Hair going 3-0 against them this season. Wolfpack has been one of the hottest teams in the TSL the second half of the season. Untouchaballs have been nice, but this isn’t their year. Quinn is a weird enigma and I can’t figure out what’s wrong with them.

 

#1 Top Shot (8-1) vs #8 Vaspian (1-7)

Points For: TS – 39.22 (1st), Vaspian – 19.63 (8th)

Points Against: TS – 18.67 (1st), Vaspian – 33.00 (7th)

TSL Rank: TS – 2nd, Vaspian – 53rd

Past Games: TS 39 – Vaspian 15, TS 37 – Vaspian 6

Official Line: Top Shot (-26)

 

The Analysis: There’s not much to analyze here, sadly. Top Shot has been awesome on both sides of the ball thanks to the play of Dylan Jaloza at QB, and Adrian Cannon everywhere else. Oh, and they have Chris Nelson on their roster too, so yeah, this team is absolutely stacked. How is this a D3 team again? Cant we swap them for Sloppy Seconds? Anyway, once you add Jackee Thompson to the mix too, there’s just little anyone can do to stop this team. And I didn’t even get to mention Frank or Blasé yet. IT’s a good team. Very good. Vaspian has been the victim of attendance issues and being a division too high. QB Brian is coming along quite nicely, but word is that the team is trying to transition from Drew and prepare for life without him. Anything that helps them spread the ball and improve all across the board is a good move. Last season Vaspian took the #1 seed to sudden death overtime in the playoffs in a similar situation though, so they’ve been here before.

 

The Prediction: This one is about as slam dunk-y as you can get. As much fun as it would be to entertain thoughts of an upset, I can’t see it. TOP SHOT BY 18.

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (6-3) vs #7 All We Do Is Quinn (3-5)

Points For: FS – 32.22 (3rd), AWDIQ – 24.50 (6th)

Points Against: FS – 32.44 (6th), AWDIQ – 29.25 (5th)

TSL Rank:  FS – 21st, AWDIQ – 41st

Past Games: FS 41, AWDIQ 40

Official Line: Frodo Swaggins (-13)

 

The Analysis: Frodo is a hell of a team, that’s for sure. Garrett continues to sing the praises of his team, calling them the best group of people in the world. You love to see it. On the field, they’ve been dominant, although their losses have come during some weeks with attendance issues, so the numbers are off. Nick and Tammy Buczek are both stars in their own right, although I think I heard Tammy broke her hand. It doesn’t matter thought because Emily Schilling, Sarah Hunt, and Kristen Daniels are all there to pick up the slack. Josh Schneider continues to be one of the league’s best kept secrets as well. As for Quinn, well, it’s been rough. Vince is still a good QB, but the talent around him has decreased. Rawdog graduated to D2, and last year’s MVP candidate Troy Boller isn’t playing this year. Mike Gelz can only do so much for one team. At least Kasey Thur has become a bit of a bar regular.

 

The Prediction: I remember when I was writing about this game as a predicted championship preview. Unfortunately for Quinn, these teams have gone in opposite directions since those days. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 12

 

#3 Grey Hair – Don’t Care (5-4) vs #6 The Untouchaballs (4-5)

Points For: GH – 27.33 (4th), UB – 26.89 (5th)

Points Against: GH – 25.44 (2nd), UB – 27.00 (3rd)

TSL Rank: GH – 27th, UB – 34th

Past Games: UB 24, GH 22

Official Line: Untouchaballs (-1)

 

The Analysis: This is about as close of a game as a game can get. Even with Grey Hair showing a better offense and defense, it isn’t by much at all. Untouchaballs (also, UB is the best I can do for an abbreviation) beat Grey Hair this season, and they’re coming along nicely. They have the best female in this game in Melanie Linsmair, formerly known as Sticky Hands Blonde Chick. Grey Hair has Jon Von however, and they have loads of experience.

 

The Prediction: A really, really close game. I saw this matchup on Monday and had The Untouchaballs penciled in as one of my “upsets”, but naturally the TSLQBPRC (who makes the lines) favored them instead. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 1

 

#4 The Angels (4-5) vs #5 Wolfpack (4-5)

Points For: The Angels – 35.44 (2nd), WP – 20.44 (7th)

Points Against: The Angels – 34.44 (8th), WP – 27.44 (4th)

TSL Rank: The Angels – 29th, WP – 32nd

Past Games: The Angels 35, Wolfpack 32

Official Line: The Angels (-2)

 

The Analysis: The Angels have given up the most points in the division this season, as they get acclimated to D3. Emily Curry wrote me to give the girls shout outs specifically for being the first gender team to go to D3. It’s understandably been an adjustment, but Margo, Nikki Kedron, Katie Salisbury, and Taylor Pagano have been killing it out there mossing dudes. Add in Casey being faster than anyone else, and Val Bernal exploiting mismatches and its been a good season that they will only improve on. Not to mention Matty came back, and then left, and is back again. Wolfpack started off 1-5 but have since gotten into a groove, winning 3 straight games and being one of the hotter teams in the league. The biggest reason is how QB Ward Blewitt has properly adjusted to the pace of the game. Garbacz took the time to email me to not only give Ward props, but his whole team. Cindi Bell has hands like glue, as she compliments Rachel Parker, Liz Farley, and Dorene Major to give Wolfpack a hell of a female contingent. When you add in the play of Jake Dunn, Russ, and yeah, even Joe Z, it’s been quite the second half that has turned Wolfpack from an afterthought in D3 to “Oh man, I wouldn’t be surprised to see them pull an upset”.

 

The Prediction: While I really like how Wolfpack has played recently, I’m sure they have the proper personnel to take out the Angels, especially with Matty back at QB. Like him or hate him, he’s a winner, and “Playoff Matty” is something else. “Playoff Matty for the Angels” is even better. Unless the entire Angels roster gets lost in Ward’s eyes (which cant be completely discounted), I don’t think they’ll be able to score enough to keep up. THE ANGELS BY 6

 

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Itches and Ohs 37, Practice Squad 22

Buffalo Vice 51, Woodpeckers 38

Jabronies 28, Freeballers 21

Jabronies 21, Cunning Stunts 0 (forfeit)

Buffalo Vice 51, Freeballers 34

Cunning Stunts 29, TOX 22

 

               Itches and Ohs beat Practice Squad to take the D4 regular season title. Buffalo Vice jumped back into the scene with back to back 51 point games to remind everyone just who they are. The Jabronies take two wins last week, though one was by forfeit. The Woodpeckers lost, but gave one of their best showings of the season. Apparently the Freeballers went 0-2 and during the process made a QB change? That seems like the move just before the playoffs. That was sarcasm for those of you not catching on.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

#10 – Woodpeckers (1-8) – The Woodpeckers had one crazy year. They started in D6, beat TMA, and were promptly moved up to D4. And then they proceeded to get smacked around a bit as they adjusted. While the roster went through some changes and some infighting midway through the season, they started to gel as a team as things went on. Even in the 51-38 loss to Buffalo Vice last week, Woodpeckers could have won, but they did that with Joe B playing iron man defense. Imagine if he didn’t have to do that! Joe was nice enough to write in, and explained that they also suffered from only having their two main females together only twice. It’s hard to win in this league without your top girls all of the time. I don’t know where this team goes from here, but at the very least, we got some interesting and fun new people in the league and that’s always a good thing.

 

#9 – Not So Sticky (1-8) – Not So Sticky was formed pretty late in the offseason when a team dropped out. They were the epitome of a fun time. They chugged alcohol at halftime, they ran a bunch of fun trick plays, and they were always having a good time. This translated to very few wins for Jeff Krol’s passion project. The goal was never to focus on wins anyway, but to focus on friendships and fun. They nailed that.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Buffalo Vice (4-1)

Itches and Ohs (4-1)

Cunning Stunts (5-1)

Practice Squad (5-1)

Jabronies (8-1)

Freeballers (12-1)

Cobblestone (20-1)

TOX (25-1)

 

               It’s a 4 team race here in what is actually the most competitive division in the TSL this year. The Jabronies would be right up there too, but word is they’ll be without Joe Miano this week, and that can only hurt their chances. Freeballers dropped a bit due to the rumored infighting over the QB drama as well.

 

#1 Itches and Ohs (7-2) vs #8 TOX (2-7)

Points For: IOs – 30.89 (5th), TOX – 23.00 (8th)

Points Against: IOs – 33.11 (8th), TOX – 29.78 (5th)

TSL Rank: IOs – 6th, TOX – 48th

Past Games: IOs 32, TOX 31

Official Line: Itches and Ohs (-8)

 

The Analysis: Itches and Ohs QB Steve Moser has been under fire from many within the league for his in game antics, yelling at his own team (even when winning by a bunch), complaining about the refs, and blowing off podcast appearances. However, you can’t deny what he’s done on the field. He went 7-2, only losing to Buffalo Vice and then the infamous 51-0 loss to Freeballers they called early. Since then, he’s beaten the Cunning Stunts (only team to do so without a forfeit) and Practice Squad, both of whom were considered the D4 “favorites” as recently as 3 weeks ago. . . before they played Steve. Say what you want about him, he wins football games. Itches boasts the best “non-gender team) girls in the division with Laura Streeter, Rylee Moser, and Lauren Moser making plays all over the place. Jeremy Streit keeps getting better as time goes on, and Robert Lee has been very good as well. On the TOX side, Topper is always good, but they’ve had their own attendance issues as well. They haven’t had Aaron and Harlan in the same game in quite some time, but that changes this week. Add in Tommy Hughes, and that’s a pretty formidable offense, which will sadly be missing Dave Walter this week as he’s on yet another vacation apparently.

 

The Prediction: This is going to be closer than you think. Itches is the hotter team right now, but TOX is going to have its full lineup, which makes them dangerous. What it’s going to come down to is the girls, and Itches’ females are light years ahead of what TOX brings to the table (with the exception of Leslie, who is amazing, of course). ITCHES AND OHS BY 4

 

#2 Jabronies (7-2) vs #7 Cobblestone (3-6)

Points For: Jabronies – 33.75 (3rd), Cobblestone – 28.38 (7th)

Points Against: Jabronies – 24.75 (3rd), Cobblestone – 23.50(2nd)

TSL Rank: Jabronies – 7th, Cobblestone – 42nd

Past Games: Jabronies 27, Cobblestone 23

Official Line: Jabronies (-5)

 

The Analysis: The job Joe Miano did for the Jabronies in taking a relatively new team who hadn’t played together and forming them into a hell of a squad is nothing short of amazing. Cobblestone played a very condensed schedule and it has me wondering if they’re a lot better than a 3-6 team. Honestly, look at that defense. Cobblestone has been awesome on that side of the ball. The biggest piece to this puzzle is that Joe Miano isn’t going to be there this week. Or so I’ve been told. If that’s the case, there’s nothing more to talk about here.

 

The Prediction: Jabronies live and die by Miano. His absence combined with Cobblestones stout defense AND Darryl’s magic is going to give us a big upset here. COBBLESTONE BY 7

 

#3 Cunning Stunts (7-2) vs #6 Freeballers (5-4)

Points For: CS – 39.38 (2nd), FB – 30.67 (6th)

Points Against: CS – 31.88 (7th), FB – 22.56 (1st)

TSL Rank: CS – 9th, FB – 25th

Past Games: CS 43, FB 19

Official Line: Cunning Stunts (-2)

 

The Analysis: The Freeballers couldn’t have pulled a worse matchup for them for the playoffs. Especially now, as there’s a huge QB controversy apparently. While the Ballers have an excellent defense, the Stunts dropped 43 on them last time. Joey Batts is a smart QB, and he knows that his girls might all be better than every single female on the Freeballers. That creates mismatches no matter what you do, and as we saw before, he can exploit that. Regardless of the inner turmoil happening to Freeballers, this is just a bad matchup for them.

 

The Prediction: For the Freeballers to win, they need all be on the same page. Even if they are, they’ll need to force a turnover or two to really make this happen. It’s not impossible, its just feeling improbable. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12

 

#4 Buffalo Vice (7-2) vs #5 Practice Squad (6-3)

Points For: BV – 40.75 (1st), PS – 32.00 (4th)

Points Against: BV – 30.25 (6th), PS – 25.67 (4th)

TSL Rank: BV – 11th, PS – 19th

Past Games: BV 41, PS 13

Official Line: Buffalo Vice (-7)

 

The Analysis: This is a great matchup. What a game. Buffalo Vice has been crazy good on offense, averaging OVER 40 POINTS. Andy Clark, we see you. Dan Gonzalez can be routinely seen catching long TDs, and Caitlyn Mason is an absolute speed demon. They match up so well with anyone. Even if their defense is a little lacking due to some missing players, Buffalo Vice’s best defense is their offense. Practice Squad showed they can hang with D4 for sure, but there’s a reason Team Lantz is the 5 seed and not higher. They might just be a small step behind the rest of the field. Could they win D4? Yes. Could they lose by 28 tomorrow? Also yes. This season has been fantastic for their development though, and no matter what happens this season is a win for them.

 

The Prediction: When it comes down to it, I just cant envision Practice Squad keeping up on the scoreboard with Buffalo Vice. They’re an offensive juggernaut, and almost impossible to slow down. Practice Squad will give a hell of an effort, but they’ll succumb to the points explosion. BUFFALO VICE BY 14

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Breast Friends 21, Zack Attack 0 (forfeit)

Puckett All-Stars 32, ILF 20

The Bambs 46, Wasted Potential 30

UWM 29, Show Me Dem TDs 6

 

               Another week, another forfeit win for Breast Friends. Puckett asserts their dominance on ILF. The Bambs continue to run “Sekuterski on a post deep” and it continues to work. And UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT IS PEAKING AT THE RIGHT TIME BABY!

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Puckett All-Stars (4-1)

Zack Attack (5-1)

Breast Friends (6-1)

ILF (12-1)

The Bambs (14-1)

Wasted Potential (20-1)

UWM (30-1)

Show Me Dem TDs (50-1)

 

               Puckett has been very good all year, and combined with their lack of forfeit wins, takes the top spot in the odds. Zack Attack’s stellar defense has them right there with them though. It’s hard to gauge Breast Friends when they didn’t get to play 3 games this year. ILF and The Bambs could pull an upset or two, while the rest of the division will struggle to win 3 games to win the title.

 

#1 Breast Friends (7-2) vs #8 Show Me Dem TDs (1-8)

Points For: BF – 34.83 (1st), SMDTD – 23.25 (7th)

Points Against: BF – 24.50 (2nd), SMDTD – 32.58 (7th)

TSL Rank: BF – 5th, SMDTD – 54th

Past Games: BF 21 – SMDTD 0 (forfeit), BF 34 – SMDTD 0

Official Line: Breast Friends (-11)

 

The Analysis: Even if its hard to gauge what BF will look like against the other top teams in the division, that 34-0 win against SMDTDs is telling for this one. Travis is a smart QB, and he’ll know exactly how to navigate this game against a team that’s running for the bus. While SMDTDs had the season from hell, according to Jon Senn, its almost over. They had 7 players on IR this season. The fun part was Jackee Thompson throwing for them, but that’s a small bright spot in tough season. Senn did say he’s working with Missy Keem on a new team for the Fall “that might have to move to D3”. That’s a teaser folks.

 

The Prediction: Not much to really say here. SMDTDs is sort of in shambles and focused on the next season already. BREAST FRIENDS BY 19

 

 

#2 Zack Attack (7-2) vs #7 University Wealth Management (2-7)

Points For: ZA – 23.63 (6th), UWM – 20.22 (8th)

Points Against: ZA – 18.75 (1st), UWM – 31.22 (6th)

TSL Rank: ZA – 8th, UWM – 50th

Past Games: ZA 38 – UWM 0, UWM 37 – ZA 8

Official Line: Zack Attack (-6)

 

The Analysis: These two teams have a fun little rivalry going on here. One team is on a two game winning streak, and one is on a two game losing streak. I wouldn’t have guessed who is who, that’s for sure. It’s awesome to see the Keller clan having a nice little run here, but unfortunately they seem to have peaked too early! Now they can’t surprise Zack Attack, who HAS to be wanting some revenge here. Either way, one has to assume that they’re ready for UWM, and UWM is more focused on the 3rd and Schlong Eggplant Bowl at 4:00.

 

The Prediction: It’s hard to imagine lighting striking twice here. I think we’ll be seeing the Zack Attack from the first 6 weeks of the season than the one that limped to the finish. ZACK ATTACK BY 15

 

#3 Puckett All-Stars (7-2) vs #6 Wasted Potential (3-6)

Points For: PAS – 33.89 (2nd), WP – 32.00 (4th)

Points Against: PAS – 25.56 (3rd), WP – 35.89 (8th)

TSL Rank: PAS – 14th, WP – 43rd

Past Games: PAS 42 – WP 8, PAS 34 – WP 33

Official Line: Puckett All-Stars (-16)

 

The Analysis: Puckett has been so good this season, as Topper has said almost weekly on the podcast. TJ Ferguson has been playing at a high level for YEARS now, and the league as a whole still doesn’t recognize them enough. Ashley emailed me to give me a fun tidbit: They’ve been playing since the Mill Middle days, which I believe was back in 1873. She said the best thing about the team is that they don’t have any “star” players. Its that everyone on the team knows their role and they play it to perfection. I made her name some people anyone, and she said Tim Graffam and Elisha Reimers have been awesome on both sides of the ball. But Ashley is too modest to talk about herself. That’s why Dan Graffam emailed me specifically to say that Ashley is one of the stars of Puckett, but she won’t ever say that about herself. The reason Puckett is successful is because they’re not afraid to throw it to their girls on any down in any situation. He also names Elisha, by the way, so she gets double points. As for Wasted Potential, well, the former Passless Chaps has had their share of ups and downs this year. Coach Jay has done well in leading the offense, but with him unable to play D, they just can’t stop anybody. Ricky Booth certainly gets the job done, but he needs some help.

 

The Prediction: When it comes down to it, it doesn’t feel like Wasted Potential will ever be able to get a stop on Puckett. The All-Stars will more than likely score on every possession, so unless WP can keep up on the scoreboard, they may not have a chance in this one. This is evidenced in their two games this season. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 13

 

#4 International Lightning Falcons (5-4) vs #5 The Bambs (4-5)

Points For: ILF – 32.22 (3rd), The Bambs – 31.00 (5th)

Points Against: ILF – 29.11 (4th), The Bambs – 30.63 (5th)

TSL Rank: ILF – 26th, The Bambs – 37th

Past Games: ILF 42 – The Bambs 38, ILF 32 – The Bambs 0

Official Line: International Lightning Falcons (-5)

 

The Analysis: Not much separates these two squads. Yes, you see that ILF won 32-0 two weeks ago, but that was a 9:00 game that The Bambs sort of forgot about. We can’ t use that to judge. No, it seems we’re in line for a 42-38 type game. Dave Baker has been very good as the QB for ILF in his first season. But it’s not without help. Besides the fruit of his loins, Alex Baker, doing everything on both sides of the ball, and Andrew Kicak excelling at everything except for being a QB, ILF has had contributions from its entire roster. Jason Neth has really come on this season, and is a front runner for winning the TSL Bachelorette. Sticky Bandits cast off Karl Smith is always there to make a big play. I’ll give a shout out to Liam Elinski too, who apparently loves the article. Most importantly, from Andrew: Rebecca Dominesey is a lover of Jack and Coke who once broke a girl’s leg in a powderpuff game in high school. Competitive AND an alcoholic? No wonder she fits in just fine in the TSL. Anyway, that was specifically for the “Taller, younger men out there in the league”. Good luck Becca! As for The Bambs, Anthony Buono has been slinging it very well, as per usual. Joe Cena (he’s the Cena you CAN see) wrote in to talk about how great his blonde hair is. After that it, its all about how “meh” the season was, and the various follies they’ve committed: missing the 9:00 game because of drinking too much, blowing 20 point leads, etc. But he made sure to complement the, wow this is really a name here, Mlodozeniec brothers? They’re the “Ms” from now on here. Anyway, between them and the stellar play of Marissa Padilla, Michelle Snodgrass, and Brooke Guay (and her ‘kankle’ that’s been with her since 2018!), The Bambs have had a pretty nice year.

 

The Prediction: These two teams really made me laugh with their emails, so it was hard for either to sway me to either side. This feels like a true toss up, so I’ll flip a coin. THE BAMBS BY 6

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Graves Bros 41, Juiced 37

TMA 45, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Blitzkrieg 31, Travis Henry’s Kids 28

The Bi-Polar Express 61, Victorious Secret 35

Spinelli’s Plumbing 31, Tater Tots 22

Victorious Secret 44, Travis Henry’s Kids 36

 

               Spinelli’s beat the Tots in the “this is for first place in the season” game, which is a hell of a way to end the year. Tommy Hughes lead BPX to a win in the gender matchup against Victorious Secret, who then proceeded to hand THK their second loss of the day. THK also lost a close one to Blitzkrieg earlier on. TMA took advantage of some drops to walk away with an easy win against Lenny’s Ladies, and Graves Bros held on to squeak by Juiced.

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

#10 Juiced (0-9) – Juiced was the only team to not win a game this season, which is a bummer after they were cool enough to move down to D6 from D4 when we discovered the Woodpeckers were all 6’7 giants. I know it was hard on them for having their girls ghost on them right before the season, which can only make things difficult for the year. I hope they get things together in the offseason and come back better than ever in the Fall.

 

#9 Victorious Secret (2-7) – Jordan Lawson’s gender team had some lowlights, but they also had some highlights, such as the last second win against Juiced and this weekend, where they stopped THK on 6-0 with under two minutes left, got the ball back with 26 seconds remaining, marched down the field and scored to take the win! VS really got better as the season went on and they adapted to the TSL game. When you have stars on your team like Anna Lawson, Des Wagner, Kay Schwann, and Trish Esposito (just to name a few), you’re going to be in every game. They didn’t make the playoffs this year, but I have a feel this will be the last time that ever happens.

 

THE PLAYOFFS:

 

THE ODDS:

Spinelli’s Plumbing (3-1)

Tater Tots (5-1)

TMA (5-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (10-1)

Graves Bros (15-1)

The Bi-Polar Express (15-1)

Blitzkrieg (18-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (25-1)

 

               Spinelli’s gets the top billing after beating the Tots this week. The Tots and TMA are the other team teams with very good shots at winning this championship as well. THK slides back a little from the pack after a down week last week. I have no idea what’s going on with Graves Bros, but it isn’t good. They’ve been awful down the stretch, and almost lost to Juiced as well. You can never count out BPX, Blitzkrieg is also a nice sleeper pick. Finally, Lenny’s Ladies bring up the rear, but if they have their full team they can beat you if you look past them.

 

#1 Spinelli’s Plumbing (8-1) vs #8 Lenny’s Ladies (3-6)

Points For: SP – 40.44 (1st), LL – 22.56 (10th)

Points Against: SP – 24.44 (3rd), LL – 38.22 (8th)

TSL Rank: SP – 3rd, LL – 45th

Past Games: SP 38, LL 16

Official Line: Spinelli’s Plumbing (-18)

 

The Analysis: Spinelli’s has been so good on both sides of the ball, as Peyton’s squad has finally shown up for an entire season. QB Nick Hawes has been money slinging the ball, and they have a star in Katie Swanson for the girls as well. Nothing has really gone wrong for Spinelli’s all season, save for a Week 3 loss to TMA. The Ladies have had an up and down season, mostly related to attendance issues. When they can trot out Robin Makula, Christine Krol, Joy Thompson, Jaimie Warren, Katie Swanson, and Caitlyn Mason all at once, that’s a hell of a rotation. Joe K has made strides as a QB as the season has gone on, and, according to Joe K’s email, I don’t believe they’ve had a full team once this season, which happens with gender teams. They spent a good chunk of the season learning how to play defense, which has improved a bit as well. They were up 16-0 on Spinelli’s two weeks ago before the wheels fell off.

 

The Prediction: This game depends on how many Ladies show up, but even then it’ll depend on how well they play defense together. Spinelli’s won’t take them lightly this time around. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 18

 

#2 Tater Tots (7-2) vs #7 Blitzkrieg (4-5)

Points For: TT – 31.44 (6th), BK – 25.00 (8th)

Points Against: TT – 18.33 (1st), BK – 26.33 (4th)

TSL Rank: TT – 13th, BK – 36th

Past Games: TT 38, BK 6

Official Line: Tater Tots (-9)

 

The Analysis: The Tater Tots just blanket teams with their defense. While Mark Harzynski has lead the offense most of the season, he’ll be absent this week. But never fear, Dylan Jaloza is there to take the reigns, and that almost feels like an upgrade. Part of the reason that defense is so good is the addition of Chris Schuster, according to team captain Dave Marcus. He also credited the addition of Jill Dibble for shoring up the female side of things, and gives credit to Meg Mallon for improving “greatly” this season, AND achieving her goal of getting an interception! Sadly, she broke her hand and will most likely be missing the playoffs. Blitzkrieg should be better than they are. They were more than overdue for a breakout season. They have one of the best females in the division in Allie Metzger (who may or may not be out with an injury) and with Tom and Light Red Hoodie Guy, they were poised to take the next step. And then they just didn’t. But, a 4-5 7th seed isn’t someone to take lightly, and if you do, BK will 100% make you pay for it.

 

The Prediction: I love me some Blitzkrieg, but the reality of the situation is that I feel like they’re going to struggle to move the ball against this suffocating Tots defense. They won’t be able to keep up. TATER TOTS BY 15

 

#3 TMA (6-3) vs #6 The Bi-Polar Express (4-5)

Points For: TMA – 32.56 (4th), BPX – 32.67 (3rd)

Points Against: TMA – 21.00 (2nd), BPX – 32.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: TMA -17th, BPX – 31st

Past Games: TMA 31, BPX 25

Official Line: TMA (-7)

 

The Analysis: When these two teams met, it was in the middle of a rainstorm that washed away an early BPX lead. There’s a nice little rivalry here of course, but nothing really came of it last time, so why now? Well, besides the playoffs. Bi-Polar’s roster is stacked with talent. Jess McAndrew, Cat Peters, Steph Czaja, Emily Belfield, and Rachel Grampp highlight a very, very good roster. These are smart girls that can beat anyone, and we’ve seen it before. TMA feels different this season. While they still have their typically great defense, their offense is finally catching up. It’s nearly impossible for opposing offenses to to get anything going with Val Testa rushing and then trying to force passes into a defense that trots out Nick Primerano, Nick Smith (the tall guy), Rob Rummings, and Rich Turner. It creates lots of turnovers, that’s for certain. The offense has been good regardless if its been Johnny Dio or Ryan Henery throwing the rock. When you have weapons like Brian Ferger and Ron Webber out there, it makes it easier. Not to mention Diana Bernal has developed the best hands in the family. Add in other great complimentary pieces like Lauren O’Brien and Brent McKenzie, and you’ve got one hell of a team there. The biggest thing about TMA this season? There’s no noise or drama coming from them, like there has been in years past. Nobody is getting into arguments or getting heated. They’re just showing up and playing ball. They’re the only team to beat Spinelli’s AND the Tots, and don’t forget that they lost a game to the Woodpeckers in Week 1. They’re even better than they seem.

 

The Prediction: Because I said there wasn’t any attitude or drama, I’m sure we’ll get some this week. This game is going to be a good one, but I’ll take that TMA defense any day. TMA BY 7

 

#4 Travis Henry’s Kids (5-4) vs #5 Graves Bros (5-4)

Points For: THK – 32.56 (5th), GB – 35.56 (2nd)

Points Against: THK – 29.67 (5th), GB – 34.67 (7th)

TSL Rank: THK – 23rd, GB – 28th

Past Games: THK 46 – TMA 39

Official Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-4)

 

The Analysis: THK QB John Langley can absolutely sling it. I’m not entirely sure who he’s slinging it to, but THK has been great this season. I can’t imagine last week was “the norm” now, and it was more of a slip up. Graves Bros hasn’t been great for a month or so it feels. Something just isn’t right, and I think it starts with having Gronk rush. It doesn’t feel like the two girls dropping into coverage is helpful, and teams are more than likely exploiting that mismatch. Graves can chuck it on offense, that isn’t the problem The problem for them is stopping anyway.

 

The Prediction: This is a matchup of two teams on a slide. The difference, as I said, is that one did it for one week and the other has been doing it for a month now. It’s amazing to see Graves Bros go from title contenders to first round playoff exiters, but here we are. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Will it rain? After gloating about how great the weather has been, it seems the forecast in Buffalo is looking like it has a chance to rain a bit. Here’s hoping it doesn’t, as I’d hate for the playoffs to be decided by the weather.

 

2. Who will be allowed to use the Eggplant from now on? THE 3RD AND SCHLONG VS NOT SO STICKY EGGPLANT BOWL SPONSORED BY BS BROTHER IS AT 4:00. The loser has to change their logo. I love it.

 

3. Who has the most pressure on them this Saturday? The answer is Public Enemy. They lost to Why So Serious last week, missed out on the bye, and now they’ll be missing players this weekend? If this is the end of the “Chris Cole Era”, as is rumored, this would be the worst way for it to end.

 

4. Who has the best “upset” potential Saturday? Cobblestone upsetting the Jabronies would not shock me at all given the circumstances. If that isn’t good enough, All We Do Is Quinn rallies to take out Frodo Swaggins and shocks the TSL world.

 

5. Which #1 seed has the best chance of losing this weekend? Itches and Ohs only beat TOX by one point this season, and with TOX getting their entire team back for this game, there’s a good chance at an upset.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. The best games to watch each hour:

               9:00 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time vs The EMigos

               10:00 – Public Enemy vs Why So Serious

               11:00 – A&A vs When Dove Cries

               12:00 – Grey Hair vs The Untouchaballs

               1:00 – Buffalo Vice vs Practice Squad

               2:00 – Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management

               3:00 – ILF vs The Bambs

               4:00 – 3rd And Schlong vs Not So Sticky

 

2. Breakfast Club Predictions:

               Peanut Butter Kelly Time 35, The Emigos 32

               Great White Clarkes 46, Keller Whales 22

 

3. Absolute Shout Out to the TSL and raising over $2000 for Garrett Beesing’s sister for her MS Walk. As a result, Garrett will be shaving his head on the fields either this weekend or next!

 

4. My Predictions for the Champions: Tight Ends In Motion, Losing Streak, Frodo Swaggins, Buffalo Vice, Puckett All-Stars, TMA

 

5. Gender team with the best chance to win a title: Cunning Stunts

 

6. Thank you to the many, many, many of you that reached out with an email about your team this week. I hear from a good chunk of you regardless, but it was nice to hear from some newer teams! If you want me to talk more about your team just email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .

 

7. Please remember that this is indeed the playoffs, but to keep your heads. Referees will be calling things how they see fit and they won’t let more stuff “go” just because it’s playoffs. Don’t cheat. Don’t get mad.

 

8. Remember to brush up on your “playoff overtime rules” as well. That goes for teams AND refs.

 

9. The magic of Day 1 of the playoffs is always the shocking surprises we didn’t see coming. I’m excited to hear about what those end up being. We never go “chalk”.

 

10. Congrats to Jeff Krol and Christine Krol on their second wedding last Saturday. Granted, they don’t count as a “TSL-caused” marriage, but we’re pretending we did it anyway!

 

 

THE RACE FOR SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL IMMORTALITY OFFICIALLY BEGINS RIGHT NOW.

 

GO GET IT. THIS IS WHAT YOU SIGNED UP FOR. HAVE FUN!

 

-GF

Week 8 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 11 June 2021 12:58
Published: Friday, 11 June 2021 12:58
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 8

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it is with great sadness that I present to you some awful news: This is the last week of the TSL Spring 2021 season. It will be the last week that we’re all together, having a blast, as we race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. While the ride has been wonderful and exciting, this is the last week of football for 10 of our 60 TSL teams.

 

               It’s always bittersweet when we get to Week 8. The only way to win that championship, to really cement yourself as TSL royalty, means that the season needs to end too. Once the games are played and the banners are raised, it’ll be a long two months before you trot back onto the hallowed grounds behind the Rose Garden to Alba Fields. (No, they’re not officially called Alba Fields. Especially since Lenny wouldn’t like that name, and would prefer something like “Lenny Land”, which is better anyway.) When that happens, teams will be different. Players will change teams once again. Divisions will get realigned. Woodpeckers will get a new QB. Travis will switch teams because he can never be in the same place for too long. He’s a real. . . Wanderer. People will be husband and wife. Some will have new babies. TSL Life will just be different.

 

               And that’s part of the fun of a football season. Every single session is its own little story, and no two football sessions are ever the same. They’re unique and exciting, chock full of moving parts that will never duplicate the results. That’s why, when you step onto the fields this week, you should cherish the moment, because you’ll never experience it again.

 

               Speaking of cherishing the moment, how great was Lenny and Rameer Day? It was awesome flying into Buffalo last weekend and seeing the TSL in all of its glory. I got to watch some football games, listen to the band for a couple of hours at the bar, listen to people around me talk about how “I heard the Godfather was in town this week, I wonder who he is?” and the speculation began, Cookie and Elmo were there, and everyone was just having so much fun. I was so happy to be there, and yet I was so sad to know that I don’t get the full TSL experience every single week. Okay, maybe it’s jealousy.

 

               But you, Dear Reader, get to spend your Saturday with the greatest extended family you’ll ever have. If you ever doubted that statement when you’ve heard it before, Lenny and Rameer Day should have put any of those doubts to rest.

 

               Thank you to all 60 of our TSL teams. Enjoy the final act of the regular season together.

 

               Now we get into the football part of things. I had Topper clarify the various tiebreaker rules for me this week so I can give them to you:

               1. Points (The 3 for a win, 1 for a tie Pts, NOT Points For or Differential)

               2. Head To Head (Fairly simple. Have the same amount of points as another team, the team that won their matchup is ahead)

               3. If more than 2 teams are tied, it’s ‘Head to Head AND Score Differential against common opponents’. (This is the one that can get weird)

               4. Games Played – Less games played, thus higher winning percentage. (I don’t like this as it could encourage teams to NOT play games, but it’s hard to get through the other tiebreakers anyway)

               5. Score Differential overall

               6. Points For.

 

               Don’t sit there and argue it. It’s not perfect, but these are the options the program gives Topper to choose from. Yes, he actually uses a program and doesn’t just do standings math every week. Shocking, I know.

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Tight Ends In Motion 31, Public Enemy 26

Eyes Downtown 42, Sloppy Seconds 31

Sticky Bandits 51, Why So Serious? 16

Eyes Downtown 33, Sticky Bandits 22

 

               Tight Ends beat Public Enemy again, although once again both teams were missing key players. It’s safe to say the FINAL BATTLE between these two will be better when they’re both at full strength for the playoffs. However, don’t look now, but with two big wins last week Eyes Downtown is the team currently sitting in first place in the division. Sticky Bandits continue to get a little better and better every week, and their first ever TSL D1 season will end with them sitting at 4-5. I don’t think they’ve ever been more proud of a sub-.500 record.

 

What’s At Stake: The two byes are up for grabs currently. Even with Eyes Downtown sitting in first, they can be passed by TEIM and Public Enemy if both win this week. Neither should really have a problem doing so either.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sloppy Seconds (+22) – Ho hum. Another week, another Tight Ends win that should give them the top seed in the playoffs, and avoid that second round date with Eyes Downtown in the playoffs. TIGHT ENDS BY 20

 

Public Enemy vs Why So Serious? (+24) – Same scenario, barring some Pete magic (who gets bad juju for losing his orange breakfast club shirt as he so nicely emailed me about last week) PE should waltz into the bye. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 41, Bullet Club 16

Mountain Dew Me 41, Passed Our Prime 36

Losing Streak 43, Slytherin That End Zone 28

Mountain Dew Me 34, Scared Hitless 22

A&A 57, Passed Our Prime 56

 

               Peachy Platoon overcame a 16-0 deficit just before halftime to waltz to a win versus Bullet Club, who finds themselves potentially missing the playoffs. Mountain Dew Me had an easy double header, Taking on the bottom teams in the division. Losing Streak continues to show its dominance, and I keep getting emails about how good Ralph Finney really is. Chris Nelson who? Finally, A&A won a WILD one with POP who showed that they can ball with anyone when they actually have a team show up.

 

What’s At Stake: Two teams miss the playoffs. While that has the potential to be exciting, there’s only one spot currently up for grabs. Bullet Club is currently the 8th seed, at 2-6. Their two wins however are against Scared Hitless and Passed Our Prime, who are in 9th and 10th respectively. POP ends up screwing themselves by not playing all 9 games this season (two wins this weekend would’ve given them the playoff spot, which undoubtedly meant that we’d have seen Bloomfield for one day to get those wins) but they’re only scheduled for one. So even if SH or POP win and BC loses, they would lose the Head to Head tiebreakers. However, if BC loses and BOTH SH and POP win, then it gets interesting as the “points differential between common opponents” comes into play. That’s when it’ll get weird. Stay tuned.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs When Dove Cries (+8) – Word around the Dunk Tank was that Topper is going to be missing a decent chunk of his female roster this week, which can never be good for anyone. A&A BY 14

 

Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone (+16) – Peachy has their eyes on finishing first in the division while Slytherin is really just hoping to get anything going their way this season. It’s been a rough one for SITE, but that’s just how it goes some sessions. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

 

Losing Streak vs XTC (+12) – Losing Streak is just on a roll. They’re the only team to beat Peachy this season, and they’re a last minute Topper win followed by an A&A loss away from being undefeated. What an absolute great showing from this team in their TSL debut. LOSING STREAK BY 8

 

A&A vs Scared Hitless (+13) – A&A’s second game of the day sees them pitted against Scared Hitless, who is NOT going quietly. Hitless comes out and competes every week, and again, I hope they plan to stay in D2. Things will continue to get better for them. Just not this week, even if this is a playoff game for them. A&A BY 17

 

When Dove Cries vs Passed Our Prime (+8) – Team Topper looks to put POP to rest, but with a down week, POP might bring the house. They’ll know by game time if their playoff hopes are dead or not, but if Scared Hitless pulls off the A&A upset, look out WDC. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 3.

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Bullet Club (+11) – Mountain Dew Me has acclimated so well to D2, and its been great to see. Bullet Club needs to win this game in order to guarantee the playoffs, and for like the 20th time they’ve been facing off against Joey Batts in this scenario with mixed results. BC will know before the game whether they need to win this one or not. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 2.

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Wolfpack 31, AWDIQ 20

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, The Angels 28

Top Shot 39, Frodo Swaggins 21

The Untouchaballs 38, Frodo Swaggins 25

Top Shot 37, Vaspian 6

 

               Wolfpack with an awesome win over Quinn as they’re really starting to look good lately. Grey Hair took on the Angels for the second time in a couple of weeks and pulled out another victory. Frodo was missing a lot of people for a wedding last week which led to some unfavorable results. The Untouchaballs took home a victory though, which you love to see. Vaspian was without their QB this past week, so there’s not much to say about their performance. And yeah, we get it Top Shot. You’re good at football, not so good at hopping over fences.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing. Everyone makes the playoffs. Top Shot won the division. Some positioning is there for the playoffs but nothing special.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Top Shot vs Frodo Swaggins (+7) – The best two teams in the division give us a championship preview. A loss by Frodo could drop them down the standings though, which feels weird to think about. TOP SHOT BY 13

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Angels (+8) – A third matchup between these teams is the magic of the ladder match week. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 6

 

Wolfpack vs All We Do Is Quinn (+1) – Wow. This is essentially the same schedule. It’s weird how that worked out. Quinn needs to wake up. Who are they anymore? WOLFPACK BY 4

 

The Angels vs All We Do Is Quinn (+3) – Quinn is not in the greatest spot and they’re not playing like we’re used to. Then again, neither are The Angels. One of these teams can really use a feel good win right about now. THE ANGELS BY 8

 

The Untouchaballs vs Vaspian (+6) – There’s been some nice growth by both teams here. Not a bad way to end the season.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 3

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 36, TOX 6

Jabronies 46, Woodpeckers 20

Jabronies 32, Buffalo Vice 23

Practice Squad 34, Not So Sticky 7

Itches and Ohs 51, Cunning Stunts 24

Itches and Ohs 37, Not So Sticky 24

 

               So, don’t look now, but Itches and Ohs is the top team in D4 after their dismantling of the Stunts in pretty impressive fashion. For those that look at the standings and don’t understand why they’re on top, here comes the weird 3rd tiebreaker. Bottom line, they beat the Stunts and everyone else (Practice Squad) lost to them, so they end up on the top. Freeballers cruised against TOX. Don’t look now but the Jabronies are piling up wins and making a name for themselves. They’re way too under the radar even still. Practice Squad dismantled Not So Sticky. But everyone really does that.

 

What’s At Stake: This is another division where two teams miss the playoffs. Sadly, there’s not any real excitement. Not So Sticky already played all of their games to go 1-8 and they’ll miss the playoffs. And even with a Woodpeckers win and TOX loss, TOX wins the tiebreakers. There’s absolutely zero way to predict who’s ending up in what position though. The standings can easily be shaken up this week.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Itches And Ohs (+2) – If Itches and Ohs is for real for real, they’ll win this game. I know Steve Moser is on his way to becoming the next great villain in this league, but you can’t take away the results he’s been having with his team. On field attitude can use some work apparently, but let’s take a second to be impressed with how he’s brought his squad to the top. With that said, Practice Squad is still very, very good. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 4

 

Buffalo Vice vs Woodpeckers (+13) – Buffalo Vice could weirdly use a win heading into the playoffs. They’re just 4-2, and they have the double header this week, but it just feels like we haven’t talked enough about them. They’re kind of laying low, which maybe that’s what they want to do. BUFFALO VICE BY 18

 

Freeballers vs Jabronies (EVEN) – This is an awesome game and I have no idea who’s going to come out on top. Give me the team with the better QB. JABRONIES BY 1.

 

Buffalo Vice vs Freeballers (+2) – Same as above. What a hell of a double header for the Freeballers though. They’ve always wanted more respect and I think walking away 2-0 this week could really do that for them. Somehow though, I feel like 0-2 is more probable. Prove me wrong. BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs TOX (+18) – TOX might’ve bit off a little more than they could chew in D4. Then again, they’re a few poor Topper throws away from a much better record. Anyway, the Stunts are more than angry about their loss last week to Itches, so I wouldn’t want to be TOX this week. CUNNING STUNTS BY 20

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 34, Wasted Potential 33

ILF 32, The Bambs 0

Puckett All-Stars 42, The Bambs 40

Breast Friends 34, Show Me Dem TDs 0

University Wealth Management 37, Zack Attack 8

 

               UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT 37, ZACK ATTACK 8. THAT’S AWESOME. The magic of Lenny and Rameer Day was in full effect with this one as Lenny 100% powered the Kellers to a win. Puckett continues to win, albeit very, very close ones. ILF dominated The Bambs but I had heard there were attendance issues on the Bambs side of things. Breast Friends actually got to play a game, even though Show Me Dem TDs may have been better off forfeiting.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing. Everyone makes the playoffs. And considering the 8th seed can beat the 1 seed with no issues now, ANYONE can win this division.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All Stars vs ILF (+6) – Two closely ranked teams, but Puckett has a slightly better defense. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 3

 

Wasted Potential vs The Bambs (+2) – This is a game that can go either way, but I think Wasted Potential can score a little better here. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 8

 

University Wealth Management vs Show Me Dem TDs (+1) – Hard to not make UWM the favorites here after a huge win. Let’s make it two in a row! UNIVERSITY WEALTH MANAGEMENT BY 3

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg 30, Juiced 6

Tater Tots 22, Graves Bros 20

Travis Henry’s Kids 38, The Bipolar Express 24

The Bipolar Express 19, Lenny’s Ladies 16

Spinelli’s Plumbing 38, Lenny’s Ladies 16

TMA 54, Victorious Secret 8

 

               Blitzkrieg gets back on track with a win over Juiced. It was nice to have Allie email me about how well Light Red Hoodie Guy and Tom played, but it wasn’t nice to hear that she might be sidelined for the playoffs. That can’t possibly help BK to be missing their biggest weapon. Dave Marcus from Tater Tots also emailed me, excited about the Tots first ever win over Graves Bros. He specifically gave Meg Mallon the shout out for her game winning TD catch with less than 2 minutes to go. It was a defensive battle as well. THK just scores, and they did so yet again. TMA just scores, and they did so yet again. BPX went 1-1, as Gordon got a win over Joe K with a late TD throw. Lenny’s Ladies then went out and took an early lead before falling to Spinelli’s.

 

What’s At Stake: Nothing much here either. Two teams miss the playoffs, but the Top 8 have already clinched their spots. Juiced and Victorious Secret will miss the playoff fun.

 

This Week’s Games:

Graves Bros vs Juiced (+13) – I don’t know what’s been wrong with Graves Bros lately, but this is the game that can help cure it. GRAVES BROS BY 17

 

TMA vs Lenny’s Ladies (+8) – TMA is getting a few gender games to prep for the playoffs. They seem locked into a first round matchup with Graves Bros, but with the way GB is playing, that might be exactly what they want anyway. Lenny’s Ladies made the playoffs, and could technically get as high as 5th seed with a win and some other losses by other teams. That would place them in a first round matchup with. . . . TMA. That’s fun. TMA BY 19.

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Blitzkrieg (+10) – Two red teams face off (seriously, someone bring a different color) but THK is just a little better on both sides of the ball here. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 8

 

The Bipolar Express vs Victorious Secret (+7) – A fun Gordon vs Jordan matchup, as these two may have some sort of rivalry. This is a fun gender matchup to close out the season. THE BIPOLAR EXPRESS BY 3

 

Tater Tots vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (EVEN) – The D6 regular season title is at stake here for home field advantage throughout the playoffs. Spinelli’s scores more, but they also allow more points. The points differential is literally 132-130. That’s crazy. Big matchup to end the season. Defense wins championships. TATER TOTS BY 2.

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Victorious Secret (+17) – THK is rolling and they’ll be able to put up numbers whenever they want to in this one. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 20.

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Who’s going to shave Garrett’s head? I’ve already heard that we’ve cleared the $2000 plateau! Congrats to everyone that’s donated to a good cause! All bids will be counted throughout Saturday in order to reach the GET GARRETT A TSL TATTOO tier of $5000! If you’re considering donating, please do it by the end of the day on 6/12!

 

2. Who are the teams that people are still sleeping on? I think it’s pretty clear that people aren’t paying enough attention to the Jabronies and Puckett All-Stars.

 

3. Will we have any upsets heading into the playoffs? After the Zack Attack loss, anything is possible. The only real upset would be in D2, if Bullet Club loses and Scared Hitless and Passed Our Prime win. I think technically BC could miss the playoffs even though they beat both teams in the three way tie. Drama!

 

4. Who is going to win the Breakfast Club championship? I know the Great White Clarkes are the heavy favorites, but Topper always has some magic in that noodle arm of his in odd years.

 

5. Even with Boccio as a QB now? Regardless of what you heard, Boccio wasn’t that great. Mr. Thompson bailed him out with his 3 (or was it 4) touchdowns. He made him look good. Brian is still the better overall QB.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Let’s make sure we keep things fun and light. I know that playoff spots are on the line, but that doesn’t mean to be jerks to each other. Keep each other safe, thanks.

 

2. Lenny and Rameer Day was so incredibly awesome. The wheel was spun, we had giveaways (shout out to our Bachelorette for getting some cool merch), and the band played even longer! We need more bands!

 

3. Speaking of the Bachelorette, if anyone has any info on the future contestants for me, I’d truly love to know about it.

 

4. Breakfast Club Predictions:

               Robin’s Nest 34, Keller Whales 27

               The EMigos 40, Valkyries 30

               Peanut Butter Kelly Time 28, Drive Me CURRazy 26

               Great White Clarkes 51, Steph It Up A Notch 24

 

5. The Top Games of the Day:

               9:00 – Peanut Butter Kelly Time vs Drive Me CURRazy

               10:00 – Itches and Ohs vs Practice Squad

               11:00 – Puckett All-Stars vs ILF

               12:00 – A&A vs Scared Hitless

               1:00 – Jabronies vs Freeballers

               2:00 – Mountain Dew Me vs Bullet Club

               3:00 – Show Me Dem TDs vs UWM

 

6. Giving an extra shout out here to Garrett Beesing for really stepping up to raise money for such a good cause. His willingness to shave his head and get a tattoo have been impressive.

 

7. The podcast this week was ridiculous with how many people were on it, but I still want to hear from some more new people who haven’t been on. We haven’t even heard from some classic guests like Val Bernal either. Either way, its been a fun listen this season, and I’m glad it’s back. Makes my Monday (or Tuesday sometimes) go faster.

 

8. If you’re willing to referee, PLEASE take a moment to email Topper or Coach Jay to let them know. The more refs we have on standby the better it is for the league!

 

9. I really hope we have Breakfast Club in the fall for once. I know we try to avoid it to save the fields, but it feels like more people enjoy BC than they do their regular teams.

 

10. Excellent work on everyone who did NOT drive home drunk from the bar, be it last week, or any week. And shout out to those that prevented others from doing so as well. This might be the first time we’ve gone through an entire season without the bar hating us for something. Don’t ruin it this week. Be safe.

 

And there you have it. Week 8 is here, and it’s the last time we’ll have everyone at the fields to have a good time together until next season. Enjoy it and have fun. I’ll see you next week. Until then?

 

I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF.

Week 6 Thoughts, Picks, and Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 28 May 2021 15:46
Published: Friday, 28 May 2021 15:46
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 27

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL, NO, the JKSL Universe, we are about to enter one of the craziest, weirdest weeks the TSL, JKSL has to offer. For those newer to the league, our Spring sessions always run have run through May. What this means is that we always play during Memorial Day weekend, which always proceeds to give us some weird upsets and games that will shake up the standings that normally wouldn’t happen during a “normal” weekend.

 

               With so many TSLers JKSLers absent from the fields, teams won’t look like their normal selves, which is always the recipe for interesting results. While some teams are smart and just take this week off ahead of time because they know they’ll have spotty attendance, others just plow ahead with a patchwork roster that can sometimes be 40% players that were picked up off the street (or off of the Universal Sub List). I use to joke with Rameer that this weekend was the start of the Fall Session’s tampering period, with so many teams casually asking players they’re trying to woo away from another to “fill in” and “see how they like playing with us”. Trust me, this happens a lot more than you realize. These hoes ain’t loyal, or something.

 

               And for those not in on the joke, one of those people that won’t be there this week is Topper. As you may have seen on the league’s Facebook page, there’s a fun “Joe K Sports” logo up there. What that means is that Joe K (and Jeff Krol, DOUBLE JKS!) are going to be in charge at the fields. All that means is that you can bring all of your gripes and complaints directly to him and you better let Topper enjoy his week off from you animals.

 

               Topper also told me to tell you all to give him the “full Topper treatment”, meaning you can buy Joe K a Corona and take a picture with him this week, so he can truly understand how difficult it can be to be the “Face that runs the place” every week. Enjoy your week off Topper. I’m 73% sure things will be fine.

 

               Memorial Day weekend also stirs up memories of those that we’ve lost in the TSL. If you haven’t seen the announcement yet, next Saturday, June 5th, is a *big* day for us. June 4th, for those that don’t know, will be the one year anniversary of when we lost Rameer to cancer. It’s also Lenny’s birthday, and since we never got to fully mourn this most recent loss together as a family, well, now we’re going to. Topper has a band lined up to play from 12-3, and there will be all sort of fun shenanigans. So please clear your calendars for that day if at all possible so we can celebrate their lives together. If it helps, there’s a hot rumor that I may or may not be there for that weekend.

 

               Finally, late last night I got an email from one Garrett Beesing. Garrett has been a part of this league for about 435 years, and he was most recently on the podcast a few weeks ago pointing out his love of the TSL. He’s usually available to help with refereeing, he’s watched the COVID gate to help out, and he’s always down to help with other shenanigans the league has put forward (such as being on the bachelorette). Well he came to me with the hope that I could put the word out for him for something and I think it’s a good cause, so I’ll help him out here. Excuse me if I get some details wrong, but Garrett’s sister was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis in 2006, and she’s raising funds for a cure, as she’s been doing. Garrett is looking to his TSL family to donate to her MS Walk page if at all possible. It’s very clear this is important to him, since he went out of his way to contact me about it. In fact, this is what he sent to me to show all of you:

 

“Hello TSL!  Garrett Beesing here, lend me your eyes for a moment.  The person I am most proud of in my life is my big sister Emily.  She is successful, driven, compassionate, and the best Mom I have ever seen.  Part of what makes me so proud of her, is the time she dedicates to raising money and awareness for Multiple Sclerosis.  As the link provided details, she has been battling MS since 2006 and has been involved with raising money and awareness ever since.  I want to help her out, and I thought the TSL would be a great and fun way to do that.  To help her raise awareness I will be playing barefoot again for my breakfast club game on 6/12.  I had an accidental great time when I was forced to play barefoot once years ago, I am excited to try it again.  I don’t have a specific goal in mind, but if you donate please put “Topper sports” or “no shoes” in the name section, so my sister can track it.  I will be donating $100 to get things started but if TSL donations reach $1,000 by 6/12, I will play barefoot and in my underwear.  The barefoot part is fun, my pale chicken legs swinging in the breeze sounds awful.  Let’s make it a win-win by getting the donations up to 1K to raise money for a great cause, while subjecting me to some early morning embarrassment!  Love you guys, thanks in advance for your support!”

 

I’m also really hoping to get him to agree to shaving his head if we raise enough, or, most importantly, getting him to get a TSL tattoo if we reach a certain goal. My request has gone unanswered, but again, this came through last night and I had to add it to my mostly written article.

 

So if you want to donate to a great cause AND embarrass Garrett, donate here:

https://secure.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR;jsessionid=00000000.app30052a?px=18314451&fr_id=31717&pg=personal&NONCE_TOKEN=BACA4DE9380DA0A8DCB9195D131EF372

 

and remember to put “TSL” somewhere in the name section so we can keep track. Thank you.

 

Anyway, you’re really here for some football chatter, so let’s get right to it:

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Sloppy Seconds 39, Why So Serious 16

Tight Ends In Motion 35, Public Enemy 1

Tight Ends In Motion 40, Why So Serious 23

Sticky Bandits 36, Eyes Downtown 26

 

               Shout out to the big win by Sticky over Eyes Downtown! They’re consistently improving and that was probably the biggest win in franchise history. D1 is slowly getting more interesting as the year goes on. That’s also in part due to Sloppy Seconds’ first D1 win as well. Things are trending towards the D1 playoffs being more interesting than previously thought, and that’s a good thing. Okay, Why So Serious is in shambles, but everyone else is trending up! And I don’t want to completely ignore the 35-1 win that TEIM had in their “Super Bowl” against Public Enemy, but once I heard that PE was missing a lot of players, including All-Universe QB Chris Cole, I just dismissed the victory like many others did too. Disappointing we didn’t get that true matchup, but it makes me want it more in the title game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Public Enemy vs Sticky Bandits (+22) – Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it starts early at 9:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 20

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+20) -  Sticky gets a week from hell here, and it continues at 10:00. Sticky is improving, but this is another level they’re not at yet. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 20

 

Public Enemy vs Sloppy Seconds (+24) – The parade of giant lines continues, and despite Sloppy’s improvements, this is the same “upper tier” vs “lower tier” of D1 matchup that we’re seeing with Sticky. They’re just not there yet. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 17

 

Eyes Downtown vs Why So Serious (+28) – Even with a loss to Sticky Bandits, New Eyes Downtown are trending upwards and Why So Serious couldn’t be in more trouble. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 22

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

XTC 40, Bullet Club 32

Losing Streak 22, Scared Hitless 20

A&A 44, Bullet Club 10

When Dove Cries 36, Slytherin That End Zone 22

XTC 46, When Dove Cries 40

Passed Our Prime 43, Slytherin That End Zone 21

 

               XTC were the big winners of Week 5, going 2-0 and just about cementing their once questionable playoff status. Wins over Bullet Club and When Dove Cries was exactly what the doctor ordered. Yes, that’s a Dubey pun. Yes, I’m proud of it. On the other side of the coin, Bullet Club looks like they’re paper tigers as they lost the close one to XTC but were simply outclassed by A&A. While their two wins against the teams below them in the standings should help sneak into the playoffs, I’m not sure they’ll win another game. Losing Streak and Scared Hitless had a hell of a battle, and shout out to the Hitless defense for slowing down that lethal LS offense even in a losing effort. And finally, PASSED OUR PRIME IS ON THE BOARD! A big win against SITE for POP means D2 won’t have a single team that doesn’t win a game. With a loss to WDC as well, SITE hasn’t looked great in the games with Newman at QB, perhaps a midseason change is in order? Dawson seemed capable, and Seth is still on the roster. This could be interesting.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

A&A vs Mountain Dew Me (+1) – We’re getting robbed of Matty vs Joey. Everyone knows that. Travis has slowly been transitioning into one of the league’s better QB’s, despite his reluctance to just go QB completely. This is going to be a fun game, can A&A keep up with MDM? Actually, they can’t. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 3

 

Peachy Platoon vs Scared Hitless (+17) – Scared Hitless is performing much better these days, but Peachy is another level for them in D2. Peachy has much better guys and QB, but honestly, Scared Hitless has them beat in the female department. That’s hard to do. But until they get these ladies some help, they can’t hang with the Peachy machine. PEACHY PLATOON BY 18

 

XTC vs Slytherin That End Zone (+4) – One team went 2-0 and answered questions the league had about them. The other went 0-2 and raised a whole lot of “oh man what’s up with this team here?” questions. I’ll take the trend here. XTC BY 8

 

Losing Streak vs Bullet Club (+2) – Losing Streak continues being impressive, taking another victory last week. Meanwhile, Bullet Club looks in disarray, and now their playoff lives might be in trouble. Bullet Club needs this game more, but reports of QB Scotty’s “bland” offense has many worried about what could happen here. LOSING STREAK BY 4

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Passed Our Prime (+9) – Great to see POP get that first win, but good luck keeping up with the Swedish Speed Demons (It doesn’t matter that they’re probably not Swedish.) and Joey Batts. The McGregors seemed to have been cloned in a lab, and Joey has them on the right track. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 13

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak (+3) – Well, now MDM runs into a team that can for sure keep up with them. So when a team can equal them in speed, and they’re taller, that is a mixture for doom for MDM right? LOSING STREAK BY 7

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

The Untouchaballs 38, Vaspian 29

Top Shot 38, The Untouchaballs 19

The Angels 35, Wolfpack 32

Top Shot 40, All We Do Is Quinn 14

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, Frodo Swaggins 7

 

               The Untouchaballs show that they’re a very solid, middle of the division team, winning the game the should win against Vaspian, and then losing to D3 favorite, Top Shot. The Angels were Mattyless, but they still went out and beat Wolfpack. It’s fun to finally see the Angels in their competitive comfort zone where they just aren’t always blowing teams out left and right. Top Shot went up and beat up on Quinn, which is of course the quickest way to make people question how fair Blasé’s roster really is in D3. Grey Hair went out and beat up on a shorthanded Frodo, but regardless, GHDC has been sneakily one of the better teams in the league as of late, and someone the top teams need to look out for.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs The Untouchaballs (+9) – Quinn is old news now. Just kidding, but they definitely don’t feel like the sure things anymore. Frodo and Top Shot have risen over them in the “D3 title rankings” and AWDIQ can really use the big win to remind everyone who they are. It starts here. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 18

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Vaspian (+13) – Frodo looks to have their team back this week, which isn’t a good sign for Vaspian. Even with Drew playing, Frodo shouldn’t have much of an issue. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 14

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Wolfpack (+9) – Like I said earlier, Grey Hair is playing pretty well, and Wolfpack might be D4 bound for next season. I really think GHDC has figured out their game, so this one could be ugly. (Okay, the Wolfpack could never be called ugly.) Grey Hair takes out the pretty boys. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 17

 

Top Shot vs The Angels (+11) – Quite the intriguing matchup going on here, but based solely off of feel, Top Shot seems to be handling D3 a little better than the Angels right now. This one will be close, but I think Top Shot pulls it out. TOP SHOT BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Cobblestone 32, TOX 8

Practice Squad 32, Freeballers 23

Freeballers 32, Not So Sticky 20

Cunning Stunts 44, Cobblestone 36

Cunning Stunts 44, Not So Sticky 41

Cobblestone 30, Woodpeckers 0

 

               Darryl goes 2-1, Cobblestone moves to 3-3, and inserts themselves in the mix for the D4 title. The world is happy! Being in the mix in D4 doesn’t mean much when the Stunts are running through everyone though. They’re on track to join the Angels in D3 as soon as next season perhaps. Please. But first they have to get through a very game Practice Squad team that may have D3 aspirations of their own. Freeballers went 1-1 and continue to show marked improvements across the board, and they might be a QB change away from really doing some damage. Not So Sticky continues to have a lot of fun in losses, so there’s that. TOX and the Woodpeckers continue to lose, nothing more to see here.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Itches and Ohs vs Freeballers (+1) – I think the off week will hinder Itches a little bit, and the Freeballers will take home a victory they can be proud of. FREEBALLERS BY 3

 

TOX vs Woodpeckers (+13) – I’m not sure who’s throwing for TOX with Topper not around, but whoever it is will still be winning the QB matchup in this one. TOX BY 8

 

Cobblestone vs Freeballers (+8) – The Freeballers have never battled someone as magical as Darryl Carr QB Superstar, but they’re going to learn first hand this week. COBBLESTONE BY 8

 

Buffalo Vice vs Not So Sticky (+24) – Hey Andy Clark. 24 points is the spread. You can beat that. I know it. Not So Sticky might be in trouble against one of the league’s better defenses. Wait. There’s no “might be” here. BUFFALO VICE BY 31.

 

Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad (+1) – MARQUEE MATCHUP ALERT. At least, I think it is. I really hope we don’t get duped out of a great game because people are too busy camping or selfishly spending time with their families. Shout out to Kenny Lantz (secretly the best Lantz, very, very secretly) for dropping me the Practice Squad report. We know a ton about the Stunts, but the Squad is chock full of people other than B and Renee. Ashtin Fiegel is still one of the best kept secrets in the league, and she’s so good that it forces PS to keep her brother Kyle on the team. Part of the reason the defense is so good? Jamie McCabe and Kyle Geertman (that’s a fun name to be saddled with your entire life) have been playing safety together for so long (literally during the PS rise to power) that they finish each other’s sentences. They’re good enough that Mike Blanchard is relegated to #3 safety, and he actually played in college. On top of all that, Sean and Amy Hayden have been around since the beginning, and both are perfect utility players that can do it all, so whenever PS is missing someone, they have the ability to fill the holes. Oh, and they even have hot new prospect Emily Wyse who has unlimited potential as she learns the game. Bottom line? Practice Squad is good, improving, and they’re set up NICELY for the future. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 6

 

Itches and Ohs vs Woodpeckers (+16) – It’s just hard to really pick the Peckers in any game right now. ITCHES AND OHS BY 10

 

Jabronies vs Cobblestone (+2) – A quietly fun matchup between two teams that have been good, but not great. At least not yet. Jabronies are rounding into form, but it seems Team Carr is a step ahead in that department. This game is going to go to the QB who blinks last. Look for a late Darryl interception to end this. JABRONIES BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars 42, Wasted Potential 8

The Bambs 28, Show Me Dem TDs 16

ILF 34, UWM 14

 

               Slow week in D5, but a very telling one. The sleeping giant that is Puckett is waking up. They absolutely demolished Wasted Potential, who was just getting some confidence as a potential contender here. The Bambs got a nice win over Show Me, and didn’t look like they had much trouble doing so either. ILF overcame a rough first half to ruin the Spring debut of Scott Keller Sr, like a bunch of jerks.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Breast Friends vs Show Me Dem TDs (+3) – I can’t imagine a world where this team figures out how to beat a gender team just yet. Hopefully Timmy Z has been scouting on the sidelines to get some idea in how to do it, but this feels like a matchup between two teams going in opposite directions. BREAST FRIENDS BY 13

 

Wasted Potential vs The Bambs (+2) – I have to think last week was an anomaly for WP, but I also know that they won’t have Coach Jay this week, so that kind of worries me for this one. Look for The Bambs to pull the upset. THE BAMBS BY 8

 

Puckett All-Stars vs ILF (+8) – ILF is becoming a very good team, and it seems like Andrew Kicak has multiple interceptions every game, according to various sources (including himself). But like Topper said on the podcast this week, maybe Puckett is in a division too low. They just keep flying under the radar. Well, no longer! PUCKETT ALL STARS BY 6

 

Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management (+18) – Blood bath going to ensue. The best team in the division versus the not best team in the division. ZACK ATTACK BY 23

 

Zack Attack vs The Bambs (+4) – The Bambs offense is going to struggle against the suffocating defense of Zack Attack. ZA rolls to another 2-0 week. ZACK ATTACK BY 17

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Graves Bros 51, Victorious Secret 34

Lenny’s Ladies 51, Juiced 41

Spinelli’s Plumbing 55, Travis Henry’s Kids 24

TMA 31, The Bi-Polar Express 25

 

               Graves Bros overcame a slow start to come back on Jordan and the girls this week. A week after getting beat up by the Tater Tots, Lenny’s Ladies rallied back and put up 50 points of their own in a win against Juiced, who are starting to show a little promise. In the big game, Spinelli’s rocked THK and firmly planted their flag in the “D6 title contender” mountain. What a thrashing I wasn’t expecting. And TMA took on their old friends in the Bi-Polar Express, coming back from a multiple score deficit to win yet again.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Graves Bros vs Lenny’s Ladies (+7) – While Lenny’s Ladies continue to show improvement (especially when they have their roster show up, which I’ve been told is a little issue), they struggle with teams like Graves Bros still as they continue to learn how to play defense. Graves shouldn’t have a problem here. GRAVES BROS BY 16

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Victorious Secret (+15) – Spinelli’s is on a tear right now, and I can’t see anyone derailing them right now. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 28

 

TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+2) – TMA has been very good, but so has THK. I really think we’re at the point in the season where we get too excited for the TMA D6 Championship chatter, and they lay their egg in a game you didn’t expect them too. Yeah, here we are. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 13

 

Blitzkrieg vs The Bi-Polar Express (+1) – It really feels like we’re close to seeing a few more wins from BPX. Gordon seemingly has a more consistent roster that’s been playing well, but they’re JUST missing out on a few wins. Blitzkrieg is also coming up short a lot this season too. This should be a very good game, but I like the mild upset, even if Allie won’t play for BPX. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 4

 

Tater Tots vs Juiced (+23) – Tots good. Juiced not good. TATER TOTS BY 32

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. How will the JKSL fare in its first week of existence? This might be the first time in league history that one of Lenny, Topper, or Rameer won’t be at the fields. It’s a very scary place to think about the league without Topper, but let’s see how things go as we get a glimpse into the future. It’ll be fine, right? Right?

 

2. How many people will miss for Memorial Day weekend? Attendance at the fields and the bar is always a pretty record low for this holiday weekend. I really hope Brent is there at least to make everyone smile.

 

3. Who else can referee in this league? Coach Jay has done a great job with the refs, but sadly we’ve had some issues with staffing because of real life things like vacations and whatnot. Thank you to those who already volunteer their time to ref and help the league, but we could REALLY use a few more people to be “on call”. If you’re interested in helping out occasionally, email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let him know!

 

4. What will the fields be like this week? I was faxed lots of complaints that the fields were too hard. Of course, when I checked the weather for tomorrow in Buffalo (60 degrees, party cloudy by the way) I noticed that its 42 degrees and raining today? I don’t miss living in Buffalo, it’s too erratic. Wow. Either way that should soften up the fields.

 

5. What’s the absolute best game of the day if everyone shows up? Cunning Stunts vs Practice Squad is going to be awesome. I really hope they’re both at 100%. Don’t let me down.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS ABOUT SATURDAY:

 

1. Breakfast Club Predictions: Stone Cold Kellers 34 – Valkyries 30, Great White Clarkes 42 – The EMigoes 27, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 27 – Drive me CURRazy 24, Steph It Up A Notch 33 – Robin’s Nest 31.

 

2. Here are the best games to watch this week, every hour:

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits

               11:00 – A&A vs Mountain Dew Me

               12:00 – Freeballers vs Cobblestone

               1:00 – TMA vs Travis Henry’s Kids

               2:00 – Practice Squad vs Cunning Stunts

               3:00 – Mountain Dew Me vs Losing Streak

 

3. We could definitely use more dogs at the fields, which will lead to more pictures of said dogs.

 

4. Speaking of, the podcasts are sounding better since Topper got a bunch of podcasting equipment but we need a better intro AND we need to not hear the dogs constantly running around in the studio. The dog tags jingling can be pretty distracting. At least to me anyway.

 

5. I’m getting excited thinking about who’s going to be on the TSL Bachelorette this upcoming offseason. Hopefully we find Lauren true love, or at least someone with nice muscles.

 

6. I have this feeling the Cunning Stunts would beat the Angels 2 out of 3 games if they played a 3 game series.

 

7. With Lenny and Rameer Day on the horizon, send out invites to as many TSL alumni as you can to get them to the fields next week! Let’s make it a party!

 

8. Am I correctly hearing rumors about certain pink teams QB’d by Jeff May returning. They better call B’s Brother. That’s all I’m saying.

 

9. The bar has been rocking and every week we see more and more newcomers finally hanging out and understanding the full “TSL” experience. It’s really awesome to hear about!

 

10. I say this a ton, but thank you to everyone that takes time out of their day to support the league. Whether you’re in “management”, you referee, you clean up the fields, you help out wherever it’s needed: Thank you. It always takes a village, but its even better when the village couldn’t be more helpful.

 

Enjoy your holiday weekend, and have fun out there. Stay safe, wear sunscreen.

 

-GF

Week 7 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 04 June 2021 14:41
Published: Friday, 04 June 2021 14:41
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 13

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe! Hello!

 

If you’re reading this, chances are it’s June 4th. This date, as many of you know, is our first official TSL Holiday. Honestly, if all of you could get a paid day off of work today, we’d do it for you. For those that don’t know, June 4th is our beloved Commissioner Lenny Alba’s birthday. While that enough would be reason to celebrate, this day gained even more importance a year ago.

 

You see, it was on this date a year ago that we also lost our Director of Officiating, Rameer Green. It was another crushing blow to the TSL family, and to make matters even worse, COVID prevented us from properly mourning together as a league. I know many TSLers feel the same: We never truly got to say goodbye to Rameer. It was just one more thing that COVID took away from us.

 

Enter: Lenny and Rameer Day. It will be a full day celebration of the lives of two of the most important people in league history. We will have a band playing at the bar from 12-3. We will have a dunk tank, which is open for any of our fun TSLers to get into. You want to make a name for yourself? Jump in. Allegedly, from what I’m hearing, our TSL Bachelorette said she’d do it. That’s the quickest way to gain (or lose) potential suitors. On her side, by the way. Once she sees some of you guys throw, you’re probably eliminated on the spot. We will have a bunch of other events too, and maybe we can even convince Topper TO BRING OUT THE WHEEL! Hopefully we see Cookie and Elmo. Lenny would want a clown. Rameer would want B’s Brother to not be there. (Which he is on assignment scouting locations for TSL Atlanta, so he won’t be gracing us with a surprise appearance). And everyone, tell your teammates:

 

**WEAR ORANGE FOR RAMEER**

 

I loved that idea on the podcast this week, and from what I can tell it’s a go. Let’s Orange Up the Rose Garden. If you need an orange shirt, Travis has 3,732 extra ones. Spread the word!

 

So, it just hit me. We have so many new TSLers (and we love every single one of you) that might be asking themselves “Who are these people?”. It’s a fair question, so let me inform you.

 

Lenny Alba was blessed with being Topper’s best friend. During the “great divide” where they left a league run by someone else, Lenny and Topper started Topper Sports. They gathered many teams, and Lenny helped turn this league into the insanely fun place that it’s become. Lenny had a larger than life personality, and he always made time to talk to anyone that approached him. He would talk a mile a minute (and swore he wasn’t on cocaine) and if you were ever on his good side, you’d be trapped into 45+ minute conversations whether you liked it or not. If you became text friends? He’d blow up your phone. He truly cared about people and their feelings, and he enjoyed taking anyone that the league viewed as a “villain” and bringing out the best in them. I miss getting an email Saturday night/Sunday morning about EVERYTHING that happened in the league the day before. It was a lot easier to write this article when Lenny gave me all of the info needed to write a 250 page book on a single day in the league. Lenny made you feel included when maybe you felt like an outsider. All you had to do was walk up to him and say hello, and before you knew it, he was cooking up a plan to have a professional archer shoot an apple off your head.

 

Rameer Green was the yin to Lenny’s yang in a way. Rameer wasn’t the showman that Lenny would be. Whereas Lenny would use fireworks and loud explosions, Rameer was significantly laid back. Rameer had a cool demeanor all to himself. He started as a player in the league, and through his love of the TSL “worked” his way up to become the Director of Officiating. That helped him become the “third man” in the TSL, basically becoming the tiebreaking vote whenever Lenny and Topper were at odds about something, be it hairbrained schemes or rule changes. Rameer was the guy who would see a new person in the league that he didn’t recognize, walk up to them, and say “who are you?”. He’d make you feel included almost instantly. He’d take the time to get to know you. Rameer acted like he was this big hardass a lot of the time, but once you got to know him you realized that there’s a big hearted softie underneath that “I don’t like fun” exterior he liked to put up. That’s why so many people loved Rameer. He cared about you, and he looked out for everyone in the TSL family. If he didn’t like you, or something you were doing, he let you know. But he never made it a thing, and never made it about him.

 

The fact that these two butted heads so often was almost surprising, but its because of this that the league really thrived. The fact that Topper once joked about Lenny taking Rameer up to heaven on his birthday is beautiful. There’s a piece of all of us that knew them both that Lenny welcomed Rameer to heaven smiling just to say “My birthday present is here!”. These two men were absolutely amazing human beings, and they’re giant parts of why you get to play in the best Social Co-Ed football league there is. They’re the reason why we’re all a family. Like I said above for both of them: They made you feel included. They were welcoming, each in their own way. You could go from “someone’s cousin’s friend who played one game” to a TSL celebrity in no time because of how they made people feel.

 

All of this, the league, the football, the great times, the friends we’ve made, the family we’ve made, those of you that have found your life partners in this league. . .we owe a lot of this to Lenny and Rameer.

 

So on Saturday, June 5th in the Year of Our Lord 2021, as you take the field to continue your quest to Social Co-ed football immortality, the wind will be coming from the southwest, 15 mph. It will be partly cloudy. Take a look up to the sky, take a deep breath, and smile. This weekend is about so much more than football. It’s about celebrating the lives of two amazing men who helped make everything we have today possible.

 

Wear Orange. Meet a new person from the league you haven’t. Make new friends. And get ready to laugh. It’s going to be a good one.

 

With that, I know you came here for some football stuff, but there’s no need for it this week.

 

Just kidding. Here we go. . .

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 43, Sticky Bandits 34

Tight Ends In Motion 51, Sticky Bandits 24

Public Enemy 44, Sloppy Seconds 43

Eyes Downtown 34, Why So Serious 33

 

               Somehow, D1 is exciting again, but for real. Sticky Bandits went 0-2, playing the top two teams in the division back to back, but fared much better this time around than earlier on in the season. Sloppy Seconds only lost to PE by a single point, and Why So Serious was a game winning 2 point conversion away from beating Eyes Downtown. All of a sudden, D1 is getting much better, and now the idea of an upset heading into the playoffs becomes more prevalent than ever.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy (+2) – It’s so weird to see PE getting points, but based on the last time these teams played, I get it. This is the potential Super Bowl, which means one or both teams will be missing key players and it won’t be fun. Just for spice, PE takes this one. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 7

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sloppy Seconds (+13) – These two teams have been playing close games with each other, and I find it hard to believe that ED would win by 13 points. Sloppy will keep this close, so I don’t think ED will cover. But they’ll win. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

Sticky Bandits vs Why So Serious (+5) – Both teams are improving, as noted above. This will be a close matchup, but I feel like Sticky has been improving for a bit longer. STICKY BANDITS BY 8

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+10) – On paper, this seems like an Eyes Downtown win. I get it. But in the spirit of keeping things fun, I smell the upset. STICKY BANDITS BY 2

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Mountain Dew Me 44, A&A 37

Peachy Platoon 24, Scared Hitless 19

Slytherin That End Zone 20, XTC 17

Losing Streak 38, Bullet Club 26

Losing Streak 55, Mountain Dew Me 22

 

               Losing Streak goes 2-0 and puts up almost 100 points again and cements themselves as D2 title contenders. Mountain Dew Me beat A&A before losing to LS to show that they’re also for real. SITE stole a win against XTC, Peachy was undermanned but took a win from Scared Hitless, and Bullet Club continues to keep losing.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Peachy Platoon vs Bullet Club (+11) – Bullet Club needs to find a win somewhere in the last two weeks to ensure they make the playoffs, but I’m not sure this is it. Peachy is just incredibly good and playing at a much higher level. PEACHY PLATOON BY 14

 

Losing Streak vs Slytherin That End Zone (+9) – Something just feels off about SITE this season, and I’m not sure what it is. Meanwhile, Jordan has Ralph and Joe and they’re just on fire right now. LOSING STREAK BY 17

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Scared Hitless (+13) – Both teams are talented, and Scared Hitless can definitely run with MDM. Hitless may even boast better girls. But it comes down to Joey Batts vs Dylan Day and, on paper, Joey should give the substantial advantage here. Should. SCARED HITLESS BY 3

 

A&A vs Passed Our Prime (+13) – POP has only played 5 games? What are they doing, pushing all of their games to next week to bring in Bloomfield for one week, but gets 3 games? They only need to win 2 of their next 4 for a shot at making the playoffs. Right now though, I can’t see them getting past A&A who could use a win after a slight upset last week. A&A BY 12

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 30, The Untouchaballs 24

Frodo Swaggins 27, Vaspian 23

Wolfpack 32, Grey Hair 23

Top Shot 56, The Angels 25

 

               Top Shot is very good, we know that. They’re the favorites now as they’re overpowered for D3. But, Frodo still exists. Frodo is also playing at a very high level, and they have a really good chance at taking down TS. And what about Quinn? They’re still there, lurking, but perhaps not being the focal point of the division each week takes the pressure off of them? Wolfpack got a nice win and they’re starting to come together. Look for them to be a tough out. The Angels are mortal, finally, but they’re right where they belong. They’re going to keep getting better because they have so much talent, so don’t dismiss them ever.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Wolfpack (+11) – I know I just said that WP is playing better, but I think this is going to be the game where people remember who Quinn are. (I can keep saying this until I’m right, right?) ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 17

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs The Angels (+4) – Last time these two met, Grey Hair took the win in what was Bro’s first game as a gender QB. Look for improvements across the board, and for the girls to get a nice win on Lenny and Rameer Day. THE ANGELS BY 9

 

Top Shot vs Frodo Swaggins (+5) – Championship preview here! This is more than likely going to be the Game of the Day, right? TOP SHOT BY 2

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+8) – The Untouchaballs still struggle with defense, which does NOT bode well for them here. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 13

 

Top Shot vs Vaspian (+21) – This is a pseudo D2 team vs a pseudo D4 team. It isn’t going to be pretty. TOP SHOT BY 28

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 51, Itches and Ohs 0

TOX 28, WoodPeckers 21

Freeballers 30, Cobblestone 22

Buffalo Vice 42, Not So Sticky 37

Cunning Stunts 43, Practice Squad 32

Itches and Ohs 34, Woodpeckers 28

Jabronies 27, Cobblestone 23

 

               The Freeballers had themselves a day, going 2-0 and sneakily placing themselves just outside the edge of the true D4 contenders here. Their defense has been amazing. Seriously. Speaking of contenders, the Stunts took on their toughest challenge yet in Practice Squad and had no issues in disposing of them. Buffalo Vice had more than enough trouble with Not So Sticky, but they prevailed in the end. Itches and Ohs didn’t have the best start to the day, but they got their act together in beating the Woodpeckers. Speaking of the Peckers, they’re SO CLOSE to getting that first D4 win, and they’re also a team that’s starting to figure it out. Losing to TOX hurts their playoff chances, but a win or two in their last couple of games means they have a shot to sneak in. That would be fun.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Freeballers vs TOX (+5) – Is TOX good? I have no idea. They’re a very up and down team that really depends on the day which team you’re going to get. Any game against Topper is a “marquee” game for a team, so look for the Ballers to be ready. FREEBALLERS BY 4

 

Jabronies vs Woodpeckers (+13) – Jabronies continues to be a sneaky good team that people aren’t giving enough credit to. JABRONIES BY 10

 

Buffalo Vice vs Jabronies (+1) – This is the measuring stick game for Jabronies though. A win here would be HUGE against that dangerous Vice team. I think they come up a little short. BUFFALO VICE BY 3

 

Practice Squad vs Not So Sticky (+21) – NSS isn’t in the same stratosphere as PS. I’m sorry Jeff Krol. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 20

 

Cunning Stunts vs Itches and Ohs (+13) – Considering how things went for Itches last week, there’s no way they’re prepared for the Stunts. CUNNING STUNTS BY 20

 

Itches and Ohs vs Not So Sticky (+5) – This is going to be a pretty fun game. I think both teams have a realistic chance at taking this one. Look for the upset to make the playoff race a little more spicy. NOT SO STICKY BY 3

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Breast Friends 21, Show Me Dem TDs 0 (Forfeit)

The Bambs 46, Wasted Potential 26

Puckett All-Stars 43, ILF 30

Zack Attack 38, UWM 0

Zack Attack 31, The Bambs 22

 

               Zack Attack just continues their dominance over the division, as the TSL’s #1 ranked team (according the Toppermetrics) went 2-0 rather easily. Wasted Potential dropped below .500 on the season with a loss to The Bambs, who have been looking good as of late (even in a loss to Zack Attack, but everyone loses to Zack Attack). Puckett All-Stars continue to cruise as they can no longer fly under the radar now that Topper is letting the cat out of the bag on them on the podcast. UWM was at the fields this week, allegedly.

 

This Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars vs Wasted Potential (+11) – One of the hottest teams in D5 against a team still figuring it out. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 12

 

ILF vs The Bambs (+3) – Probably the top game in D5 this week, These two teams both score as many points as they give up. This one is going to be a close one regardless of what happens. THE BAMBS BY 1.

 

Puckett All-Stars vs The Bambs (+13) – The second game for both of these teams, but one is playing better than the other. Puckett is better on offense AND defense. No chance for the Bambs. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 20

 

Breast Friends vs Show Me Dem TDs (+14) – When was the last time Breast Friends even played? Should I assume another forfeit? BREAST FRIENDS BY 21.

 

Zack Attack vs University Wealth Management (+33) – If UWM manages your wealth the way they manage football games, you may want to look elsewhere. Dear Zack Attack, the bar is 40 points. Can you win by that? ZACK ATTACK BY 40.

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Lenny’s Ladies 42, Graves Bros 38

Spinelli’s Plumbing 58, Victorious Secret 24

Travis Henry’s Kids 25, TMA 18

The Bi-Polar Express 42, Blitzkrieg 34

Tater Tots 44, Juiced 12

 

               Girl power was on display last weekend as BPX and Lenny’s Ladies took home victories against some good competition. Graves Bros are slowly fading away from being title contenders with that loss, and Blitzkrieg really has some soul searching to do as well. THK scored near the end of the game to give them a win over TMA in a really awesome matchup. Here’s hoping they can run it back in the playoffs. Spinelli’s and Tater Tots are the current “best teams in D6”, and they both easily won games they should have. It all checks out.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg vs Juiced (+14) – Well, if there’s any remedy for curing what ails you, it’s a game against Juiced. Look for Blitzkrieg to get it together this week. BLITZKRIEG BY 7

 

Tater Tots vs Graves Bros (+11) – I was excited for this matchup, but the way these two teams have been playing lately makes me think Graves isn’t on the Tots’ level. TATER TOTS BY 10

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs The Bi-Polar Express (+8) – THK’s ascension in the TSL has been fun to watch from afar. It seems like these guys can play for sure, and if the deep ball is working for them, look out ladies. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 12

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs The Bi-Polar Express (+2) – Joe K vs Gordon in a gender team matchup is exactly what Lenny would want his namesake team to be in on Lenny and Rameer Day. This is going to be a fun one, but look for the team with more experience to walk away with a win. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 6

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Lenny’s Ladies (+19) – Spinelli’s has been stomping just about everyone that they play, and I can’t see a different result happening here. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 28

 

TMA vs Victorious Secret (+5) – TMA seems to get all three gender teams late in the season, which is a good way to prepare for what’s ahead in the playoffs. Victorious Secret is very good when they’re on, but any gender team is going to have problems with the height of TMA. TMA BY 13

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Are you sticking around for all of the festivities this week? That’s the only question that really matters. Lenny and Rameer Day is going to be an awesome time, and I’m sure it’ll be a yearly TSL event akin to the wine tournament and the banquet. Wear Orange! (I’ll keep repeating that, because why not?)

 

2. Can Zack Attack be stopped? Seriously, they’re doing so incredibly well this season, so that means they’re destined for playoff failure. Its not on them, its just how this league works. (Cue Puckett All-Stars’ music)

 

3. Will the Woodpeckers ever consult the TSL Universal Sublist for a QB? Look at the available QBs for them there: Jordan Lawson, B, Tommy Hughes, Johnny Dio, Ricky Austin, Jeff May. . . all great players that could help them get the wins they need to make playoffs. Just saying.

 

4. Who else wants to referee? We had a lot of new refs step up this week, and while there were some issues, yes, we also heard about many other people who would’ve stepped up if they knew we needed some more volunteers. Please, if you’re interested in being a backup ref, tell Topper or Coach Jay right away!

 

5. Who’s getting in the Dunk Tank? AND WHY AREN’T TEAMS MAKING BETS ON THE LOSER HAVING TO GO IN THE TANK? BREAKFAST CLUB? WHERE ARE YOU WITH THIS? Slackers, all of you.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. I truly hope people who don’t usually stick around at the bar do this week. Lenny and Rameer would’ve thrived in that scenario to get to know you, and I hope the current “usuals at the bar” TSLers reach out to those they don’t normally see at the bar to make new friends in the spirit of our fallen friends.

 

2. I heard on the podcast about Travis Henry’s Kids QB John failing at throwing Goal Line to Goal Line after the games last week. Is there anyone out there that can do it? Anyone who thinks they can out throw him? Loser goes to the Dunk Tank.

 

3. Absolute classy move by the TSL to immediately donate to Garrett Beesing’s sister’s MS Walk. We’ve already hit $1000 in donations, which means Garrett is playing in his underwear this weekend for Breakfast Club. **REMEMBER, IF WE GET TO $2000, WE CAN SHAVE HIS HEAD. $5000 RAISED MEANS HE WILL GET A TSL TATTOO!**

 

4. I didn’t want to steal any thunder from the opener of the article, but I too will casually be in town and at the fields this week to celebrate Lenny and Rameer. I look forward to those of you trying to figure out who I am.

 

5. This week is going to be all about fun, next week is all about business. There are going to be a lot of playoff spots on the line, it’ll be fun to go over all of them in the article next week.

 

6. Paul Scinta cheese platter day for Lenny and Rameer Day? Someone tell Paul ASAP!

 

7. With all of the fun that is going to be had this week, PLEASE continue to be respectful of the bar. Also, if you get too drunk, do *not* drive home! Let’s be very safe this weekend please!

 

8. Sadly, I’m forced to report that Travis has tied Topper in the Steak Dinner Weekly Bets Challenge, and nobody is happy about it.

 

9. Here are your games of the week:

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy

               11:00 – Grey Hair vs The Angels

               12:00 – Top Shot vs Frodo Swaggins

               1:00 – The Bambs vs Puckett All-Stars

               2:00 – The Bi-Polar Express vs Lenny’s Ladies

               3:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Itches and Ohs

               4:00 – Itches and Ohs vs Not So Sticky (It’s also the only game)

 

10. Breakfast Club predictions:

Stone Cold Kellers 47, Drive Me CURRazy 22

Peanut Butter Kelly Time 36, The Emigos 32

Robin’s Nest 42, Valkyries 30

Great White Clarkes 50, Steph It Up A Notch 17

 

 

This is a big week for the TSL, so let’s make sure we make it the best we possibly can, as a family. I look forward to being at the fields for the fun of it all, its been way too long for me. Wear your orange, meet new friends, donate to Garrett so we can make him get a tattoo, and HAVE FUN.

 

We love you Lenny. We love you Rameer. You’re going to hear us partying up in heaven tomorrow.

 

-GF

Week 5 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 21 May 2021 13:21
Published: Friday, 21 May 2021 13:21
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 29

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’re in the thick of the regular season, and teams are really starting to stand out one way or the other! The bad news? We’re at the halfway point of the season, so while the games and players are going to get a bit more intense as the playoffs get closer, it means that we’ve only have half a season left!

 

But let’s not dwell on that right now. What we need to focus on is how well things are going across the board for the league. We’ve had some excellent weather, some great football, and from what I’m hearing some great times at the bar too.

 

The halfway point of the session is always a good time for me to reflect on what’s happened so far, and of course, accurately predict the unpredictability of the rest of the TSL season. Let’s get right into it!

 

D1:

Last Week’s Games:

Sticky Bandits 54, Sloppy Seconds 16

Eyes Downtown 48, Tight Ends In Motion 29

 

               Only two games for D1 last week, but damn they’re quite surprising. Sticky gets its first non-forfeit win of the season, while Tight Ends is taken to the woodshed by the New Eyes Downtown. I don’t think anyone had both of these accurately predicted at all.

 

The Contenders:

Public Enemy (4-0)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (3-1)

 

The Pretenders:

Sticky Bandits (2-2)

Why So Serious? (0-4)

Sloppy Seconds (0-5)

 

               I don’t think you can really argue with this. Eyes Downtown’s big win over TEIM has moved them up into contender status officially for D1. Do I think they’ll win it all? No, because imagine a world where you have to beat Tight Ends In Motion, and then immediately have to beat Public Enemy? Not likely, for anyone. PE remains at the top of the mountain until anyone is brave enough to come in and knock them off. I do think TEIM just had a hiccup last week, and they’re the top contender to beat PE. It was probably the wakeup call they needed. Sticky Bandits are probably ecstatic with their big win over Sloppy Seconds, which is a roster made up of a lot of people that they know well and/or have donned the Sticky jersey in the past. Sloppy has looked to be improving before this upset, so it’ll be interesting to see how they respond to it. And Why So Serious? is here too. I know they’ve struggled with roster issues already. Last time I left them for dead, they made a nice second half run. Here’s hoping they do it again.

 

Prediction: Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion, the revenge matchup we all want.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sloppy Seconds vs Why So Serious? (+9) – There’s no time quite like the present for both of these teams to battle for their first victory. Clearly, that means they’re going to tie. While they have a combined 0-9 record here, one team is looking a lot closer to competing in the division right now than the other. SLOPPY SECONDS BY 10

 

Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion (+4) – TEIM’s loss last week to Eyes Downtown was probably the worst thing that could’ve happened to PE in their off week. With the sting of that loss fresh in their minds, Tight Ends is going to be more focused than ever. This is the game both teams have been waiting for. There might be blood. But it’s hard to go against the champs until someone knocks them off. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 8

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Why So Serious? (+25) – If TEIM loses to PE before this game, I’m going to feel very sorry for WSS. This could get very ugly. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 23

 

Eyes Downtown vs Sticky Bandits (+14) – Eyes Downtown is riding high right now, but so is Sticky Bandits. Both teams are coming off big wins, but it’s a lot more impressive to beat Tight Ends In Motion than it is to beat the collection of people who weren’t good enough to stay on the TEIM roster. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 13

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 26, A&A 20

Slytherin That End Zone 30, Bullet Club 26

Mountain Dew Me 36, When Dove Cries 22

XTC 38, Scared Hitless 30

Mountain Dew Me 36, Slytherin That End Zone 30

Losing Streak 84, Passed Our Prime 29

Scared Hitless 46, Passed Our Prime 40

 

               Peachy and A&A went head to head in a great game that saw Peachy take a one score game against two of the best teams in the division. SITE and Bullet Club played another great game that saw a dropped TD on the game’s last play end it. MDM ran all over Team Topper and cruised to an easy win. XTC held off Scared Hitless to get their first win, and then Scared Hitless went out and beat Passed Our Prime to get theirs. MDM and SITE played another very good back and forth game that ended in one score. And finally, Losing Streak obliterated Passed Our Prime. I guess there were MULTIPLE pick 8s in the game’s final minutes.

 

The Contenders:

Peachy Platoon (4-1-1)

When Dove Cries (3-1-1)

A&A (3-1)

Mountain Dew Me (3-1)

Slytherin That End Zone (2-2)

Losing Streak (2-2)

Bullet Club (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

XTC (1-3)

Scared Hitless (1-4)

Passed Our Prime (0-4)

 

               There seems to be a line in the standings right around the 7th and 8th teams. Unless POP magically gets their roster to show up for the second half of the season, they’re missing the playoffs. While it’s awesome that XTC and Scared Hitless got their first wins, they got them against the other “bottom 3” teams. One of these teams will make the playoffs though, and honestly now that I’m hearing Scared Hitless finally got female star Jaimie Warren back who missed the whole season before last week, look for them to be a much tougher out. They can sneak into the 8 seed, but I don’t know if they can compete with a Peachy Platoon just yet. Peachy sits atop the division, benefitting from playing an extra game so far. When Dove Cries is right behind them, showing that last season was more because of the players who didn’t play than those who did. A&A sits in 3rd place, although it seems Matty Ice is going to miss some time to rest his injuries. That puts Travis behind center, but also takes him off the field at receiver. Mountain Dew Me had an excellent week last week, and I’m VERY interested to see how the second half of their season goes. Joey is doing some excellent work here. SITE sits at 2-2, but they’ve only had their starting QB for all of one of those games. Losing Streak continues to have a very good first TSL season, most recently asserting their dominance over POP. When this team is on, they’re ON. And they have the bonus of the other teams not really knowing them as well just yet. Bullet Club is hard to figure out. On one hand, they’re two plays away from being 4-0. On the other hand, their two wins came against the bottom two teams in the division. I have no idea what kind of team they really are just yet.

 

Prediction: The last time that Peachy, Team Topper, and A&A lead the division, none of them made the championship game. In an extremely close division, I’m going to say we’ll see Losing Streak take on Slytherin That End Zone in the finals.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Bullet Club vs XTC (+2) – XTC hasn’t had the easiest go of things this season, but it’s not as though they magically forgot how to play football. You can’t take them lightly, even in a “down” year. While BC still perplexes me, I want to lean towards them being better than they seem right now. This game will go a long way in showing that. BULLET CLUB BY 7

 

Losing Streak vs Scared Hitless (+11) – Not the best timing for Scared Hitless here. While they’ve seemed to find their offense lately, they run into the division’s highest scoring team. Scared Hitless’ biggest problem right now might be figuring out how to stop teams on defense, and this isn’t the team to try to work on that against. LOSING STREAK BY 16

 

A&A vs Bullet Club (+5) – The biggest story of course is going to be the lack of Matty Ice behind center for A&A. They already struggled a little to score points and losing one of the game’s best wont help that. Where they shine is on defense, and this game will come down to if A&A can stop Scotty Dro and Co. A&A BY 3

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs When Dove Cries (+2) – Another matchup of two closely matched teams. The biggest questions are on the side of who’s going to show up for each team? Will we see Newman? Will Topper’s newest weapon Devin return from injury? Lots of questions, no real answers. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 3

 

When Dove Cries vs XTC (+1) – I understand the love for XTC considering they’re awesome people who’ve played this game for 100 years. 1 point feels wrong here though. WDC is just better. Assuming Topper isn’t awful. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 7

 

Slytherin That End Zone vs Passed Our Prime (+9) – Until I see Bloomfield show up for POP, it’s hard to give them a win against any of the other teams in the division. SITE BY 17

 

Mountain Dew Me vs A&A (+1) – While we’ll miss the Joey Batts vs Matty Ice matchup we all want, it’s going to be very interesting to see if A&A can slow down the much speedier MDM. This isn’t an upset because they’re giving points, but this is the game MDM officially announces themselves as D2 top contenders. MDM BY 9

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Frodo Swaggins 45, Matty’s Angels 33

Vaspian 49, Wolfpack 9

Grey Hair Don’t Care 33, Vaspian 7

Grey Hair Don’t Care 42, Matty’s Angels 27

 

               Matty’s Angels have gone straight to Matty’s Ankles as his injuries combined with a lot of drops had the girls in trouble all day. With Matty on the mend, Bro Kleckler steps into the QB role and it’ll be fun to see how that goes. Frodo Swaggins is the best team in D3, and they continue to prove it. Their offseason roster changes led to them being a more complete team, as some of the newer players are much better than the old ones I’m told. Vaspian grabbed their first victory of the season, followed by getting beat up by Grey Hair. Grey Hair then went on to beat the Angels to go 2-0 on the day.

 

The Contenders:

Frodo Swaggins (4-0)

Top Shot (3-0)

All We Do Is Quinn (2-1)

 

Almost There:

Grey Hair (2-3)

Matty’s Angels (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

Vaspian (1-3)

Wolfpack (1-4)

The Untouchaballs (1-3)

 

               It’s weird not saying the Angels aren’t a Contender, but for the first time in a long time it feels like they’re needing to adjust and learn how to win in D3. They can do it of course, but it’s okay that there’s a learning curve. I mean, they don’t need reinforcements or something, they have the roster they need to win the division, I just see it happening next season. Frodo Swaggins is flourishing with Garrett at QB, and it’s becoming clear they’re the team to beat in the division. Top Shot would like to have something to say about that, but I want to see a little bit more out of them before awarding them the title. And of course, you can’t count out AWDIQ, where they only lost to Frodo in a game they could’ve won. The top is heavy in D3. Grey Hair looked impressive last week but we need to see them do it against the better teams. Vaspian, Wolfpack, and The Untouchaballs all have some work to do to be considered anything more than a “virtual bye week” in the playoffs.

 

Prediction: Frodo Swaggins takes on All We Do Is Quinn in the finals. A true rivalry game befitting a D3 championship that both want and deserve.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Vaspian vs The Untouchaballs (+2) – The rise of Vaspian may continue here as they come off a big win last week. This is another winnable game for them as it seems like the Untouchaballs cant quite get it together yet. This one will be close, but VASPIAN BY 3

 

Top Shot vs The Untouchaballs (+9) – Rough week for Untouchaballs. Top Shot has been cruising against lesser competition and I expect that to continue. TOP SHOT BY 18

 

The Angels vs Wolfpack (+17) – Wolfpack can’t get anything going on either side of the ball. They’re the worst offense and defense in D3. They’ve attempted QB changes and everything. It’s just not working out for them, which happens with a new team. They may be better situated for D4. No Matty, No problem for the girls this week. THE ANGELS BY 24

 

Top Shot vs All We Do Is Quinn (+3) – NOW WE’RE TALKING. This is a big time matchup between two title contenders. We can see just how “for real” Top Shot is, as they take on the perennial playoff chokers in Quinn. We all know regular season Quinn is the best version of them, and I’m excited to see this big time marquee matchup. Give me the team that’s played together for forever. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 1

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+8) – With Grey Hair having a nice week last week, they won’t be able to catch Frodo off guard in this one. Every vibe I get from Frodo is that they’re very focused and they want that title. They can’t sleep on Grey Hair though, who has to look at this game as a statement one for them. Let’s see if they answer the call. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 43, Woodpeckers 20

Buffalo Vice 28, TOX 27

Jabronies 34, Not So Sticky 13

Itches and Ohs 32, Cobblestone 30

 

               Practice Squad continues to hum along here in D4, this time disposing of the overmatched Woodpeckers. Buffalo Vice is the class of the division, but it took Topper overthrowing a game winning 2 point conversion for them to escape TOX. Jabronies continue to learn how to play with each other, this time getting by Not So Sticky. And Itches and Ohs come up with a nice win against Cobblestone in a very close contest!

 

The Contenders:

Buffalo Vice (3-1)

Cunning Stunts (3-0)

Practice Squad (3-1)

 

Almost There:

Itches and Ohs (3-1)

Jabronies (2-2)

Freeballers (1-1)

Cobblestone (1-2)

TOX (1-3)

 

The Pretenders:

Woodpeckers (1-3)

Not So Sticky (1-3)

 

               Realistically, I can only see one of the top 3 teams walking away with the D4 title this session. Buffalo Vice, provided they can beat their nemesis in the Stunts, look very good this season, new jerseys included. It truly feels like its their time. But the Stunts haven’t lost a game yet and they look great now that the band is back together after an off year because of COVID. It’d be a great story to see them take D4, and then walk up to D3 to battle the Angels next season. Practice Squad fits in perfectly in D4, and moving up was *not* an issue for them at all. B has them humming along on offense, and their defense looks like it can hold its own against anyone in the league. Itches and Ohs sit at 3-1, which is pretty nice when you consider that they needed to patch together a roster last second. They have *extremely* underrated girls, and Steve Moser can sling it. They don’t feel as complete as the other three teams above them however. A strong second half can fix that. Jabronies are another team that’s getting used to each other and as a result, find themselves in the middle of things. Joe Miano is sliding into D4 QB of the Year chatter as hes taken a new roster and is getting better each week. I don’t know what to think of the Freeballers. That’s not a knock on this team, its just that they’ve only played two games: a 30-0 win, and a 43-19 loss. They have like two games a week for the rest of the season, so we’ll learn quickly if they’re a contender or a pretender. We just don’t have enough data yet. Cobblestone is still shaking off a little bit of rust, and if they right the ship a little bit, they can climb the standings. They’ve only played 3 games in two weeks so far, it’ll be nice to see how high this team can go. TOX is 1-3, but they’ve lost two games going for the game winning 2 point conversion on the final play (including the 1 point loss to Vice last week). If Topper wasn’t the only QB in the world that can overthrow Aaron, they’d be 3-1 and most likely in the “contender” category. They have male talent for days, but their females are the weak point here. They’re one decent to good woman away from really being the class of D4. The Woodpeckers came in like a wrecking ball and now they’re just wrecking themselves. D4 might’ve been too high of a jump up for them, but D6 wasn’t the place for them either. They need a better QB and they could probably do some damage, but it doesn’t look likely that it’ll happen this season. Not So Sticky is Jeff Krol’s passion project, but the team that’s there to have fun isn’t really doing too much on the field yet. I’m not 100% sure if they’re trying or not. That’s not a jab either, I just don’t know how much they’re valuing “fun” over “playing well”.

 

Prediction: Buffalo Vice takes on their old nemesis in the Cunning Stunts in the finals. It’s chalk, but it’s a great storyline too. Can Vice overcome?

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Freeballers (+10) – The answer to “who are the Freeballers?” comes quickly for D4 as they take on a very capable PS team. Renee has “the Squad” looking good in D4, and while I’d like to know more players on this team, I can’t without a lovely “this is the Practice Squad update” email from someone there. (This has to be you Kenny. Come on.) This game will be fun, I think. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3

 

TOX vs Cobblestone (+1) -  Darryl vs. Topper. That’s all anyone ever wants in this life. There’s nothing else that needs to be said here. Break out the Coronas. TOX BY 3

 

Freeballers vs Not So Sticky (+14) – The Freeballers are going to take this game much more seriously than NSS, and I can see them walking away with one here. FREEBALLERS BY 17

 

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+7) – The Stunts are just on a different level here right now than Cobblestone is. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

 

Cunning Stunts vs Not So Sticky (+20) – The Stunts are just on a different level here right now than Not Sticky is. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

Itches and Ohs vs Woodpeckers (+18) -  Itches has been playing quite well this season, while the Peckers have not. I can’t envision the upset here, though I do expect to see the Peckers turn around their misfortune as soon as they get on the same page with each other. ITCHES AND OHS BY 4

 

Practice Squad vs TOX (+11) – 11 points feels like the right number when you look at the records, but currently this game should be touted as the best in the division this week. Look for a fun back and forth battle, that comes down to the wire. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1 WHEN TOPPER OVERTHROWS AARON ON A GAME WINNING 2 POINT CONVERSION.

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Breast Friends 43, University Wealth Management 28

Puckett All-Stars 44, Show Me Dem TDs 34

Wasted Potential 55, ILF 33

Zack Attack 31, Wasted Potential 30

 

               Wasted Potential is not living up to their namesake as they smacked around ILF and then took the division leaders to the wire, losing by a single point to Zack Attack in an awesome game. Breast Friends took care of business on UWM, and Puckett walked away with a solid victory over Show Me. Not a ton of action, but lots of good games and interesting outcomes as we hit the halfway mark in D5.

 

The Contenders:

Zack Attack (5-0)

Breast Friends (4-2)

Wasted Potential (3-2)

ILF (3-2)

 

Almost There:

Puckett All-Stars (2-2)

 

The Pretenders:

The Bambs (1-2)

Show Me Dem TDs (1-4)

University Wealth Management (0-5)

 

               Zack Attack is the current #1 team in the weird TSL overall rankings that the standings page does. Their defense is tremendous, but they showed this week they can score if they need to to win. They feel like the most complete team in the division that is still improving with each week. Breast Friends are very good as they’re coming together as a team. As we know, any gender team that’s firing on all cylinders is a tough out for any Co-ed team. Wasted Potential might be the most talented team in the division overall, even as they’re still putting it all together. They look better in the minds of most everyone else than they did last week, with a dominating win over ILF and the 1 point loss to Zack Attack. Would anyone be surprised if they took the title? Nope. ILF has rapidly improved under Dave Baker, but there’s still some holes they’re working on overall. They’re definitely in the mix, as it’s impossible for them not to be with some of the players they trot out on the field each week. Puckett All-Stars doesn’t quite feel like they’re in the tier of the other 4 teams I mentioned, but they don’t quite feel like “pretenders” either. This veteran team has proven before that they can win in the playoffs as a low seed, so if they get rolling as the playoffs approach, I don’t think it would be surprising to see them take an upset win. The Bambs haven’t adjusted to the higher division just yet, though I do think they’ll acclimate themselves by season’s end. Look for them to be big in the division in the fall for sure. Show Me Dem TDs can score with the best of them, but they have no idea how to play defense, which it turns out is a pretty important part of football. They need to figure out what they’re doing when they don’t have the ball before they can truly compete here. UWM needs a QB. They know that. Granted, they don’t have much help on the defensive side of things either, but it doesn’t matter if you can’t score. Of course, we’re getting closer to the return of Scott Keller Sr, which means they’ll instantly become championship contenders as soon as that happens.

 

Prediction:  Wasted Potential meets up with Zack Attack in the finals, which is a must watch for everyone at the fields that day.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Wasted Potential vs Puckett All-Stars (+11) – Two teams that are playing well take each other on in this battle. The problem is that while both are playing well, one is playing well in a higher tier. I think we see a closer than you think game here, but the better team overall pulls it out. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 3

 

ILF vs UWM (+13) – The battle of the long names I don’t like typing out each time. These two teams are currently playing on two different levels. It’ll be hard to fathom a surprising upset here. ILF BY 18

 

The Bambs vs Show Me Dem TDs (+6) – These two teams seem closely matched, but like I said before, I’m not sure SMDTDs can stop anyone ever. The Bambs dig the long ball and they should be able to score on every possession. THE BAMBS BY 10

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

Travis Henry’s Kids 46, Graves Bros 39

Victorious Secret 43, Juiced 42

TMA 28, Blitzkrieg 27

Tater Tots 52, Lenny’s Ladies 0

Spinelli’s Plumbing 45, The Bi-Polar Express 34

Graves Bros 27, Blitzkrieg 23

Spinelli’s Plumbing 40, Juiced 19

 

               Travis Henry’s Kids continue to impress as they walk away with a win against Graves Bros. The New Kids on the Block show they’ve got the right stuff, as they take each game step by step and they’re always hanging tough with any opponent. Victorious Secret got their first win in awesome last second fashion! That’s really cool, extra shout out to Melissa for her play on that game winning 2 point conversion! Good work! TMA snuck out a nice win against Blitzkrieg as they have another game go down to the last drive. The Tots beat up on Lenny’s Ladies to the tune of 7 interceptions. Everything the Tots did seemed to work for them this week. Spinelli’s took a win against BPX who had Tommy Hughes throwing for them. Spinelli’s is right in the thick of things for the D6 title picture. Graves Bros went 1-1 on the day as they took a 4 point win from Blitzkrieg. BK, on the other hand, went 0-2 but only lost both games by a combined 5 points. Lastly, Spinelli’s played again and took an easy one over Juiced.

 

The Contenders:

Tater Tots (5-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (4-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (3-1)

Graves Bros (3-2)

TMA (3-2)

 

Almost There:

Blitzkrieg (2-4)

 

The Pretenders:

Lenny’s Ladies (1-3)

The Bipolar Express (1-3)

Victorious Secret (1-3)

Juiced (0-5)

 

               It’s crowded at the top, that’s for sure. The Tots continue to improve since they started being a franchise, and they find themselves *very* close to a championship. Spinelli’s has really figured things out this season themselves, and they just feel different this season. I don’t know what it is, but I’m looking forward to see how they progress this year. Travis Henry’s Kids just injected themselves straight into the D6 title picture from out of nowhere. It’s awesome to see how well they’re playing. Graves Bros can’t be counted out at 3-2. There’s a reason they’ve been title favorites for a few seasons now. TMA can’t be discounted either. Remember, there’s a world where they could be 5-0 right now. They’re playing some very good football, and if they get their defense back to where it usually is, look out. That’s not to say its bad, they’re just allowing a few more points than we’re used to seeing. Blitzkrieg SHOULD be in the contenders, but they’re just missing out on the marquee wins they need. They had two shots to get one last week, and came up short both times. Hence, almost there. It’s a fair ranking. Our pretenders give us all three of the gender teams in the division, as each team is dealing with its own issues. There is improvement, sure, but I don’t think any of these teams can be considered contenders. Juiced is there too, and they have a lot of work to do on both sides of the ball still.

 

Prediction: Travis Henry’s Kids take on TMA in the D6 title game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Graves Bros vs Victorious Secret (+5) – Graves Bros can absolutely use a “statement” win to get them back on track. Enter Victorious Secret, who looked awesome last week in their win. Jordan isn’t going to make this easy for Graves. GRAVES BROS BY 2

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+1) – A big time D6 battle that is must see TV this week. Both teams have looked excellent so far, but right now THK is playing at a higher level on defense, so I’m going to run with that. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 4

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Juiced (+1) – Two teams that could really use a feel good win right now face off in D6. Juiced had Victorious Secret right where they wanted them and let it slip away last week. Lenny’s Ladies never really had the Tots where they wanted them and things slipped away quickly last week. This game should be close and entertaining. Give me the girls here. LENNY’S LADIES BY 3

 

TMA vs The Bipolar Express (+3) – This is a game that always leads to fireworks. Historically, BPX would lose a good chunk of their roster to TMA since they shared girls. That’s no longer the case, so this game should be more fun with both teams trotting out full rosters. It feels like these teams are trending in opposite directions currently though. TMA BY 8

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Can Tight Ends In Motion upset and dethrone Public Enemy? They *can* but I don’t think they will. Public Enemy still has the better QB, and the better girls overall. It’s CLOSE though. If TEIM wants to win the D1 title, it’s probably better for them to lose this one and catch PE sleeping later on.

 

2. How will A&A and The Angels fare without Matty Ice? It’s a shame to hear about Matty’s injury, but at least it isn’t more serious. This will hurt A&A more, not because they’re in a higher division, but because taking Travis off the field is a downgrade. If A&A limped into the playoffs, I wouldn’t be surprised. The Angels don’t get “better” per se, but having a healthy Bro throwing to them can only help, provided he figures out the gender game.

 

3. Who’s the best “long shot” odds to win one of the division titles? Honestly, I think Mountain Dew Me has the potential to win it all in D2 with how they’re playing. They’re going to improve as time goes on. As for a little “deeper”, Blitzkrieg is close to really making some noise D6, and you can get nice odds on them currently.

 

4. Who’s going to win the Breakfast Club title? Predictions for that? It seems as though the Great White Clarkes are the class of Breakfast Club this time around, look for them to play Peanut Butter Kelly Time in the finals.

 

5. Any current front runners to win the upcoming TSL Bachelorette? I’m not sure of who the contestants are going to be just yet, but I have a feeling we’re going to get some of the best TSLers coming out of the woodwork for this contest. Lauren might have her hands full with this one. That fool.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

1. Here are your best games to watch each hour:

               9:00 – Robin’s Nest vs Great White Clarkes

               10:00 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Public Enemy

               11:00 – Bullet Club vs A&A

               12:00 – Cobblestone vs TOX

               1:00 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Top Shot

               2:00 – The Bambs vs Show Me Dem TDs

               3:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Grey Hair Don’t Care

 

2. Breakfast Club predictions: Great White Clarkes 44 - Robin’s Nest 36, The EMigos 27 – Drive Me CURRazy 21, Peanut Butter Kelly Time 38 – Valkyries 31, and Stone Cold Kellers 28 – Steph It Up A Notch 27.

 

3. It’s looking like, from what I’m hearing, that Lenny and Rameer day keeps getting better and better. I think there will be music. Topper, Dunk Tank?

 

4. Even as COVID protocols are slowing everywhere around us, we’re still continuing our processes at the fields until we’re told otherwise. Keep this in mind, and thank you for your cooperation!

 

5. The Topper vs Travis betting spectacular continues, and Topper is dominating Travis. Yet again, I didn’t get the bets for this week, which makes for an uninteresting topic for me to tell you guys about. Woo.

 

6. Yet again, if you want more publicity in this article, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. today! Tell me about your team!

7. Looks like the Power Rankings Committee couldn’t get their shit together this week, still haven’t seen a sniff of an article from them. Don’t they know that Friday is Godfather Day? There’s a reason this article is the most “must read” thing on the website for the last decade. Then again, I’ve been doing this so long that I know how to properly get these things done on time.

 

8. I think we need a TSL Talent Show. Could you imagine having some judges (Joe K, Topper, Darryl Carr, and a female come to mind) while we finally get to see which Bernal is the best singer? Or we found out that Dave Walter is actually a mime? Did you know JZ could juggle? I’d love to see what else our TSL family can do.

 

9. Thanks to those who bought Topper a Corona and took a picture with him. A lot of you didn’t send me your pictures though, and I’d love to see them! Send them to me.

 

10. Billy Gunn is the best referee we have. Don’t @ me.

 

There’s less than 24 hours before you guys get to descend upon the Rose Garden for some more awesome TSL fun! Be safe out there and keep taking care of each other!

 

I’ll be in the cut.

 

-GF

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