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The Crumb Chronicles - The Mouse Vol. II
- Details
- Category: The Lenny Alba Variety Hour
- Created: Monday, 07 September 2026 18:12
- Published: Monday, 07 September 2026 18:12
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 372
The Crumb Chronicles
What is the best animal on our lovely blue planet?
Is it the Tiger? No, they are angry and too aggressive. Is it the Bull-Moose? No, they are too loud and Canadian. Is it the Eagle? No, they are bald and no one likes a bald creature. The best animal is the one that can hide, be in plain-sight, but not seen, to live in any environment, to eat and be satiated with just a simple little crumb.
Team: Buffalo Vice
Buffalo Vice has been around since 2003, making them one of the league’s true old-guard teams. They were also among the first to escape the dark days of “Miles Sports” and follow Topper to the Rose Garden when he got things rolling back in 2011.
Captained by Dan Gonzalez, who frequently shops at Wegmans, Quarterbacked by Andy Clark, and having original members of Dan’s brother Jason, Amy, and Matt McDonald. They have a D4 Championship around their belt and recently have been bouncing between D2 and D3.
After a close 33-34 loss to Practice Squad, the team was gathered together talking about the good old days; before they all had kids and could hangout on a weekly basis, at the bar, their homes, or at the beach. Those days might be harder to come by now, but the tradition hasn’t completely disappeared. Once a season, Buffalo Vice still makes sure to get everyone together for a team party, adding another layer of glue to a friendship that has somehow kept this group together for more than two decades.
As a team, they could not stop fawning over Caitlin Mason, who is their hidden gem, characterized as shift, dynamic, and very coachable.
She has one glaring weakness and it is being the slowest counter in the history of the league.
The problem has apparently become serious enough that Buffalo Vice discussed pooling their money for a Duolingo subscription in hopes of improving her counting skills. To try to get out of paying, Mark Brown asked a question to one of their players if their 6th toe was slowing them down on the field.
If you have ever been confused with “Wait, isn't there another Buffalo Vice in some other league?” The answer was yes, the Vice Family grew so large that they performed a football version of mitosis and set out on two different paths. That Buffalo Vice is now dead and gone, while the original one keeps growing, alive and well.
Team: Powerpuff Girls
Sugar, spice, and everything nice. These were the ingredients chosen to create the TSL’s 2025 Team of the Year. But Professor Kyle accidentally added an extra ingredient to the concoction: a bunch of girls who can catch, run crisp routes, and make defensive coordinators miserable.
Thus the Powerpuff Girls were born!
PPG has been one of the league’s most entertaining teams, winning both of the D4 and D5 championships in D4 and D5, at the expense ofTwo Tuddies. However, following a pregnancy pact, the original squad hit their endgame and a new batch of talent stepped in.
Enter Maddie, Kayla, Jill, Molly, Chloe, Jill, Bixby, and a few more.
The second generation of PPG who haven’t been as successful in the win column as years prior, but are just as fun to watch.
The Sidelines always have a large crowd, with audience members making comments:
“They have the top two girls in the league on this team!”
“Molly might have the fastest straight line speed I’ve ever seen”
“Is that Clyde Bixby’s wife?”
The other massive change to the team was adding Drew Butler from Eyes Downtown on defense in replacement of Cody Stumpf. Drew has been making it look easy with one handed interceptions in each of his games, trying to give himself another challenge.
When asked of their highlight, it was the team’s back to back championships and seeing Kyle Coniff win D4 QB of the year. The lowlight is when PPG used to be known as Father Baker, named after Dave Baker, who is a father and was the original quarterback, was shut out 26 to 0 in their first playoff game back in Fall of 2023.
The team is primed to take D4 once again as they routinely put up points. This week's matchup will feature D1 teammates vs D1 teammates, as Kayla Voss and Jill Fittry intend to show Jeff Krol and Mike Thomas who the real reason for the Sticky Bandits success is. Kayla Voss was overheard taunting Mike Thomas by exclaiming “I’ll teach you how to run a Post-Corner next week.”
Team Name: Balls Deep
A group of friends, family, veterans, newbies, and even more people who really don’t like Not So Sticky. That’s the recipe behind Balls Deep, a team roughly four years old that was founded in 2022 by Chris Twaragowski and quarterbacked by backwards-hat-wearing Chad Biersbach. For anyone who follows football news, you already know how analysts feel about quarterbacks wearing backwards baseball caps. Character concerns everywhere
Balls Deep doesn’t really hate Not So Sticky, but there’s definitely some unfinished business there. Mostly because Not So Sticky prevented Balls Deep from completing what could have been their own Infinity Gauntlet of TSL Championships.
Starting in D6, Balls Deep conquered it, after a while.
They moved up to D5… and Not So Sticky stopped them.
They moved up to D4… and conquered that too.
Two stones collected. One glaringly empty spot in the middle.
Following their close win over PPG, Chris complained that no matter how many championships Balls Deep wins, the mantle above his fireplace will always feel incomplete. There’s a D6 trophy. There’s a D4 trophy. But sitting between them is the empty space where that elusive D5 Championship should be. Somewhere, Not So Sticky is probably smiling.
The Skipworth Twins were quick to remind Chris just how far Balls Deep has come. It took the team a few sessions to really figure out the game, but once they did, they went from newcomers learning the ropes to legitimate championship threats. Now they find themselves with another opportunity to add some hardware and continue climbing the TSL ladder.
Don’t expect to find Balls Deep celebrating at the Angry Buffalo unless they actually win another championship. Apparently regular-season victories aren’t enough to get these people to the bar. At the fields, though, they’re one of the friendlier groups you’ll run into.
And if you happen to wander past their bags, keep your eyes open. There’s usually grapes and cheese in there.
Balls Deep truly has something for everyone.
- The Mouse
Welcome to the Lenny Alba Variety Hour!
- Details
- Category: The Lenny Alba Variety Hour
- Created: Monday, 31 August 2026 18:56
- Published: Monday, 31 August 2026 18:56
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 406
Let's try something NEW.
Every season we ask the TSL Universe what they're looking for in website content. And of course, we always get a hundred different answers back.
"You should bring back the Old Sentinel!"
"You should do receiver rankings!"
"You should do features on different teams and players!"
Whatever content we do try to produce though, the challenge is always making sure we have a consistent weekly product. Remember when the Sentinel started skipping weeks, and eventually got shorter and shorter? Or remember those brand new articles that disappeared after a few entries? (You probably DON'T remember them, but we've had half a dozen over the years). It's easy to get fresh ideas, but it's a lot harder to see them through week after week.
So we're not even going to TRY to do the same thing week after week. Welcome to the Lenny Alba Variety Hour!
We'll do something different every week, because why not? We're not bound to any particular format. Some weeks we can do spotlights on teams or players. Some weeks we do a Q&A with league management. Some weeks we might just feature the poetry of Tino Tomasello (he's good - you don't even know).
You'll always get something different here. And the beauty is, we don't have to do all the work! If anyone around the league has ANYTHING they'd like to contribute, feel free to send it in! You want us to publish a history of your team? You got it. You want to call out some rival and talk shit? Go for it. Our standards are low, we'll publish just about anything. There's no specific email address like This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it., but you can send things to either the Godfather or the League email (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) and we'll find a way to get it on the website.
So there you have it. Something new every week. And for our FIRST edition, we'll welcome someone who will hopefully be a regular contributor (though not weekly), our friend The Mouse*, who has interviewed TSL legends D-Generation XYZ, Freeballers, John Langley and Nick Voss to find out more about them.
(*Why is he called "The Mouse"? Does he have a secret identity??? I wouldn't say "secret" since he'll be out there interviewing people, but we won't spoil who it is here)
Thanks for writing in, Mouse!
***
One of America’s most well-known authors and cheese enthusiasts, Mark Twain once said “If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you do read the newspaper, you’re misinformed.”
That is the purpose of this contribution to the Lenny Alba Variety Hour, to inform you, the TSL Universe, of the teams, the people, the cheese and crackers of the league.
Team: Degeneration XYZ
Captain: Scott Keller Junior
Quarterback: Damien Keller
Degeneration XYZ is a rebrand of 3rd and Schlong, a team that existed more than 11 years ago, back when Topper was a regular at the fields, many of you were just discovering Minecraft, and the members of Degeneration XYZ were considerably less… aged.
The founding members of this particular infestation are the Kellers (Scott Jr., Scott Sr., Nicole, and Katie) and Scott Klussman, who used to be known as the 40-Year Plan Guy but has officially completed the plan and is now simply 40+ years old. Travis, Boccio, Val, and a few other familiar rodents have also been nibbling from the same block of cheese together in some shape or form for years.
When Scott Keller Jr. was asked for his Mount Rushmore of Degeneration XYZ players, the answer was simple:
“Me, Me, ME, and ME!”
Apparently, when you’re the Big Cheese, humility is optional.
Their greatest moment came in Fall 2025, when Degeneration XYZ won the D3 Championship after coming back from a three-score halftime deficit. The comeback became even sweeter after they watched Jeff Krol hand the opposing team a bottle of champagne before the game was actually over. Nothing motivates a pack of old rats quite like someone prematurely cutting the cheese.
The 2026 season hasn't exactly started the way the Degenerates hoped, but they would like everyone to remember one very important fact: They have the oldest roster in the TSL.
Nick Voss:
Nick Voss is a D1 Champion who currently plays for Grey Hair Don’t Care and Eyes Downtown, scurrying between two rosters and somehow finding plenty of cheese along the way.
Immediately, Nick was asked the most important question: Who is your favorite quarterback? Without hesitation, he answered “Dave Eickhoff.” Nick has been around the TSL wheel for quite some time. He’s been spotted wearing a Bullet Club jersey and, longtime league members may remember, played with 716 back in the day.
His favorite TSL memory came last Spring when he won the D1 Championship.
Away from football, Nick enjoys playing volleyball, sleeping, and participating in a family-wide game of tag, which sounds less like a hobby and more like something a family of mice would actually do.
When asked for his closing thoughts he said “He believes his adopted sister, Kayla Voss, is the best girl in the league.”
Team: The Freeballers
Captain: Scott Klussman
Quarterback: Buddy Lee
The Freeballers are an offshoot of the 3rd and Schlong Family Tree, established in 2020 by Scott Klussman and Pat McDonnell. And like all great football franchises, this one began with… a dog chasing a man on a bicycle. The story goes that Pat was riding his bike past Scott’s house when Scott’s dog, Spike, took off after him. Somehow, instead of this ending with an apology, an argument, or a tetanus shot, Scott and Pat hit it off and decided “We should make a co-ed football team together.”
Thus the Freeballers were born. The Original mice also included George Lombardo, Emily Schilling, Steph Czaja, Austin Weber, and Trish. Since 2020, plenty of mice have come and gone, and the roster looks quite a bit different today. But that's what happens when you've been nibbling from the same piece of cheddar for six years.
To address the changes, Captain Scott said "Teammates have come and gone, one thing that remains the same, good vibes and family. Once a Freeballer, always a Freeballer. Some have come, some have gone, but they have never left the family.”
The Mount Rushmore of the Freeballers are Scott Klussman, Matt Kieta, Pat McDonnell, and Jessie Kieta.
The Freeballers have had a bit of a Quarterback Charcuterie board with many, many QB’s over the years from Hogan, Jordan Lawson, George Lombardo, Sean Weisansal, Dylan Jaloza, Paul, Dave Eickhoff, and currently have Buddy Lee.
The Freeballers have won the D4 and D2 Championship.
John Langley:
If any of you cats… have stumbled on the standings page and scroll to the bottom, you’ll see the highly scientific system to determine how a team stacks up in a division. It starts at Best, Better, Good, Fair, Going to Game On, and finally… Langley Territory. Langley Territory is a place no one wants to go, but one man lived in.
Langley Territory is the darkest corner of the TSL basement. It’s where the cheese has gone moldy, the mousetraps have already been sprung, and absolutely nobody wants to find themselves. While some merely visit Langley Territory… One man lived there.
John Langley is from Baltimore, Maryland and that means yes, he is a Ravens fan. He came this way after moving to Syracuse and then attending college in Buffalo. Back in 2017 he joined Game ON and met the founders of his personal project Travis Henry’s Kids, formerly known as Philly Special and Perfect Strangers.
THK has been dead and gone, but they would dominate their division season after season, and unfortunately choke in the playoffs. This was a tale as old as time, they were regular season good. Season after season, these rats would feast on their division, stockpile the cheese, and convince everyone that this was finally the year.
Then the playoffs arrived. SNAP. The trap got them. Again and Again. This continued until 2024, THK and Langley won D5 and finally broke the curse and sent it elsewhere in the nearby football universe…
Currently, John plays on Frodo Swaggins making his D1 Debut and plays on Bullet Club in D2. Outside of football, John enjoys hitting the links, playing softball, and would specifically like everyone reading this to know that he is a genuinely nice guy. Which is exactly what a mouse would say when surrounded by cats.
Your faithful field mouse, sniffing out the stories nobody else will.
The Mouse
