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Week 5 Rankings

Category: Uncategorised
Created: Thursday, 19 May 2022 14:08
Published: Thursday, 19 May 2022 14:08
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2648


Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  


Last week we looked at the Greatest Teams in TSL History.  This week we look at the Greatest Female Players in the TSL (and we even have one of our fancy "Team Graphs" for you).  Next week we look at the Greatest Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL.  And of course, this week and every week we will also be looking at the Greatest QBs in the TSL (it's what we get "paid" for, after all).  





#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 38-16 (Legends)

There have been ten D1 games so far this session, excluding crossover games.  Four games been decided by 11+ points (more than one score).  All four were Legends games (three wins and a loss).  Cunning Stunts aren't exactly struggling either, though they didn't play this week.  Still #1 in your Rankings and in your heart, Joey Batts.


#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 49-48

Bobby moves up one spot in the Rankings with a nearly flawless game against the Sticky Bandits.  Eyes Downtown have won three in a row now against all three of their D1 opponents after starting the season 0-2.  Whatever was wrong with these guys doesn't seem like a problem anymore.


#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 49-48, beat Scared Hitless 33-30

Thomas is still the highest scoring quarterback in D1 and is just a few plays away from being 6-0 this season.  Of course he's also a few plays away from being 1-5 this season, so tough to know what to make of that.  The Sticky Bandits are the only D1 team to have not lost a game by more than 6 points so far this session (Legends will look to change that this week).


#4 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 54-14

There are only two teams in the TSL averaging more than 40 PPG right now: one of them is Notorious BNB, and the other plays in D4.  Bullet Club is struggling but 54 is a good day for Buchlis no matter who the opponent.  Notorious BNB is now the only team in D2 with only one loss in the standings (even though our website has them in 4th for some reason).


#5 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 27-8

It's strange when Passed Our Prime is NOT leading their division in scoring, but right now they're #2 to Notorious BNB (there's a chart below if you want to scroll down a bit).  Bullet Club is allowing the fourth most points per game in the League, so we're a little disappointed Hogan couldn't put up 50+ against them.  Must have been an off day.


#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 14-0, lost to Sticky Bandits 33-30 (Crossover game)

We don't care even a little that Dylan lost the TSL's first Crossover game of the season against a D1 team.  If anything it's impressive that they almost won.  That shutout loss against Grey Hair - Don't Care though... that was unexpected.  We know they weren't at full strength, but getting blanked is enough to drop Dylan a couple spots in the Rankings this week.


#7 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 38-16 (TEIM), beat Frodo Swaggins 47-46 (Buffalo Vice)

The Tight Ends in Motion offense is averaging 17.5 PPG in their last two weeks, both losses.  The Buffalo Vice offense is averaging 39.0 PPG in their last two weeks, both wins.  We suspect Seth is having more fun with the latter.  Maybe Dan Gonzalez is a faster receiver than Ben Stack.  Can we have them race?


#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Show Me Dem TDs 37-15

The Untouchaballs have the best record, best offense, (second) best defense, and the best point differential in D3.  Do they have the best quarterback too?  What's the highest a pure D3 quarterback has ever gone in our Rankings before?  We should look that up.  Next week will be the Battle of the 'Balls between Untouchaballs and Freeballers, debatably the next best team in the division, in what should be the game of the week.


#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 14-0, beat DILFS 40-39

Grey Hair - Don't Care started the season 0-3, and they're on a 3-0 tear ever since.  Shutout win over division-leading Scared Hitless, huge win (with absolutely zero controversy) over DILFS... Eickhoff has completely turned around his team's season over the past couple of weeks.  Grey Hair looks to be one of maybe five real contenders in D2 this season.  


#10 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Did Not Play

DILFS went 1-1 without Dubey this week.  We wonder how he would have reacted to the "Garbacz Incident"...


#11 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to Notorious BNB 54-14, lost to Passed Our Prime 27-8 (Bullet Club)

Hey how about those Freeballers?  They had a bye this week and they've only played three games this session.  We THINK they're still undefeated with Dylan quarterbacking, so that's pretty exciting.  Yes, there is absolutely nothing else to talk about with teams that Dylan quarterbacks, so let's move along to the next guy in our Rankings...


#12 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 47-46

Oh, Garrett.  You love the TSL so much that you're committed to giving the fans their money's worth every week as they watch the end of your games.  Never a dull moment.  Frodo seems destined to finish 4-4-1 with a +0 point differential.  We look forward to their quadruple overtime playoff games next month.  


#13 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Scotty lost one game against Untouchaballs and he needed a week off to regroup.  After two straight weeks of meditation and silent reflection, we expect he will never lose another game.


#14 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 46-29

We were ready to crown these guys as D4 champions a couple weeks ago when they were murdering everyone in their path.  Obviously it's too early to panic (they still have the best point differential in their division, and the best offense in the entire League at 42.6 PPG) but still, maybe they aren't as destined for the championship game as we once thought.  


#15 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Itches and Ohs game this week due to the weather situation for our 3 o' clock games.  Lucky for them, we hear they were missing Steve anyway.


#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 22-15

Fifteen points?  B, you're supposed to be better than that.  This was Practice Squad's first loss of the year (and against another undefeated team) so we'll let it slide and keep you in the #16 spot this week, despite all the pressure we get from your detractors to #MoveBdown.


#17 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Did Not Play

XMD is 0.5 PPG away from joining the elite 40+ PPG club.  Maybe next week Jeff!


#18 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Beat Zack Attack 32-17

We learned this week that before Puckett All-Stars were "Puckett All-Stars", they were "Cupcake" and "Go Fumble Yourself".  No word on whether TJ QBed all those iterations of this team, but we short-changed them on our All-Time Team Rankings last week by treating the four time champs as three separate teams.  Sorry guys... don't change names so much!  The combined Puckett All-Stars/Cupcake/Go Fumble Yourself Team has won two D4 championships as well as a D5 and a D6 title (good for #29 on our all time Ranking).  They're also tied with A&A for second most championships of all time, and if they win D4 this session they will tie Public Enemy for most championships in TSL history with five.  


#19 Blake Fisher - Red Zone Mafia

Last Week:  Beat Passing While Intoxicated 51-12

Red Zone Mafia had their second 50+ point game of the season on Saturday and they're one of three 1-Loss teams at the top of the D5 standings.  We don't factor in non-QB contributions to these rankings, but if we did Blake would be towards the top our list.


#20 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Sleezin Szn has only played three games, and Newman didn't make at least one of them, and they haven't won a game yet.  Slow start to this Szn!


#21 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Lost to Today's Feast 36-20

Joe Cool has had an up and down season for the Falcons, beating Spinelli's one week and losing to the Feast the next.  We're still not sure how good this team is, and they've been in the League forever now.  Lump them into that "dangerous enough that they can beat anyone, but also inconsistent enough that they could get rocked in the first round of playoffs" category.


#22 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 22-15

Vaspian is undefeated and yet they have only the 34th best points per game in the TSL.  The fact that they allow 16.0 PPG on defense is a huge part of their success, and frankly the reason Brian isn't higher on this list despite having a better record in his division than six of the quarterbacks ranked higher than him.  Is that fair?  We're not sure!


#23 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Beat Tater Tots 34-14

Cobblestone is #1 in the D5 standings with a 5-1 record after thoroughly handling the Tots this week.  They're a fairly balanced team this year boasting the division's third best offense and third best defense.  But their defense doesn't have famous hair and the offense does, so Darryl gets the credit.  Sorry LeSeaon.


#24 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This 

Last Week:  Beat Spinelli's Plumbing 46-29

Who is this guy?  We don't know much about Ryan Dougherty or Can't Touch This (if only they would e-mail us!) but after a miserable start to the season (0-3 and averaging 11 PPG) they've now ripped off two wins in a row against Practice Squad and... Spinelli's Plumbing?  Okay.  We'll keep an eye on these guys.


#25 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for John "The Arm" Langley this week.



Here's a quote from our very own Power Rankings Committee two weeks ago: "We've said many, many times in this article already that we didn't want to show team performance charts yet because it's way too early in the season for that stuff to have any meaning.  And that's true.  But screw it, here's a "way too early to mean anything" chart for you on each team's points per game (sorted by division).  And we added the Super Bowl era Buffalo Bills at the bottom as a comparison so you can see how much better (or worse) you are.  As always, forfeit games are excluded from the numbers below."


Well, it's two weeks later!  This is usually the cut-off in the season where most teams have actually played enough games for stats to have SOME meaning.  The average team has played 4.82 games so far (more than halfway through our season), and TMA has already played seven games somehow, so we're ready to actually start discussing trends.  Here's the same graph, but with more meaningful results:



So what have we learned from this?


Spinelli's Plumbing is still the highest scoring team in the League two weeks after they dominated our original chart, but their ridiculous lead over the next best team has dwindled from nearly 10 PPG to less than 1 PPG as Notorious BNB is right on their heels for best offense in the TSL.  Spinelli's and BNB are the only teams in the League scoring more than 40 PPG.


If 40+ PPG is the gold standard for great offenses, then 20 PPG or less should be considered the "gold standard" for terrible offenses.  And we've got several of them with TEN teams failing to average 20+ PPG.  We won't name them all (you can read a graph, right?) but TOX, Not So Sticky and Woodpeckers are currently battling it out for last place offensively.


The League is currently averaging 28.0 PPG, so if your team is scoring more than that, you're better than average.  The same works for defense by the way (which we haven't shown above), if your team is averaging giving up more than 28.0 PPG, you can throw a little blame on your defense.


D1 appears to be the most even division top to bottom with only 10.3 PPG separating the Sticky Bandits from Tight Ends in Motion (if you'd asked us pre-season for best and worst D1 offenses, we might have guessed it'd be these two teams but in the reverse order).  There's a lot more disparity in other divisions though:  D2-D5 all have more than 20 PPG separating the top from the bottom, and D6 is a story of two sub-divisions (three teams that can score, and three that cannot).


The teams leading their respective divisions in offense right now are a combined 21-8.  The teams that have the FEWEST points per game in their divisions right now are a combined 2-24-1.  Tough to win without a productive offense.


Untouchaballs are undefeated in D3 and they lead their division in scoring, which makes sense.  Vaspian are undefeated in D4 and they are 9th in their division in scoring, which makes... less sense.  


Nothing to do with the TSL of course, but the Bills' best two offensive seasons during their '90s run came in the years they got destroyed in the SuperBowl, and the years their offense wasn't as good were the years they almost won.  Go figure.



The Greatest Female Players in the TSL


Remember when we had all those championship statistics to support our "Greatest Teams of All Time" last week?  Yeah, we don't have ANY of that for what we're about to attempt.  Below are the greatest active female players in the TSL, as determined by our own panel of experts along with input from everyone that emailed us this week to weigh in.  We didn't take all of your suggestions (we don't even know who some of the girls we were emailed about are) but when you see the same names over and over again it's kind of obvious who the best really are.  It's also kind of obvious when we look at the names being submitted that we're going through an interesting transition period with females in the League, as many of the top names from years past have gotten pregnant, injured or simply retired since last season.  Robin Makula, Katie Salisbury, Emily Curry, Lindsay Stoddard, none of those girls are playing this session.  And holy shit, that was just the Tight Ends in Motion roster.  Damn, they were stacked.  Margo is gone, Taylor is a part timer / awesome ref, Val is pregnant, Maggie seems to be gone.  It's a whole new era for the TSL and time for new women to step up and fill some pretty big shoes.


So here's what we're looking for on our "Greatest Female Players" list:

  • Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best female players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
  • Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
  • They must be actively playing this session.  No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you're not playing regularly, you're not eligible.


So that's our criteria.  First, some honorable mentions of people that were suggested by MULTIPLE Power Rankings Committee members and/or write-in votes.  Sorry if you wrote to us to suggest someone we didn't include; if you were the ONLY one that mentioned her, you won't see her name below.  The following honorable mentions are not ranked, but in alphabetical order by last name:

  • Brittany Clarke - Cunning Stunts
  • Ashton Fiegel - Practice Squad
  • Amanda Paolucci - Passed Our Prime
  • Emily Schilling - Frodo Swaggins, Cunning Stunts
  • Elena Schratz - Passed Our Prime
  • Jennifer Stachura - Come From Behind
  • Katie Swanson - Spinelli's Plumbing, Lenny's Ladies
  • Amy Taylor - The Notorious BNB
  • Jackie Ufholz - Grey Hair - Don't Care, Red Zone Mafia


And now... your top Twenty Female Players in the TSL:


#20: Mackenzie Neary - Eyes Downtown, Blitzkrieg

The only girl in our League to play both D1 and D6 (how good to you have to be in D6 for D1 teams to start recruiting you?) Mackenzie Neary has never dropped a pass in her TSL career.  No, that can't be true, but it feels like it sometimes.  She's also a really solid route runner.


#19: Talia Calabro - When Dove Cries, Freeballers

Remember when Talia was just the really fun party girl everyone loved?  Oh she's still that girl, but somewhere along the line she got like 50x better at football, and now she's ripping it up in D2 and D3.  If we had a "Most Improved Player" award, she'd be one of our finalists.


#18: Renee Lantz - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts

Renee "Best Lantz" Lantz always seems to be diving for the ball on offense AND defense.  She must be fairly durable to be flying around so much and not break everything.  Renee plays like her hair is on fire and has great instincts and athleticism.  Every team would be improved with a Renee.


#17: Nicole Sharick - Sticky Bandits

Nicole Sharick is an elite pass rusher on defense and one of the fastest girls in the TSL once she reaches her top speed.  She's capable of turning a 5 yard out into a 20 yard run after catch, which makes her especially dangerous when teams try to cover her with another girl.


#16: Maddie Norton - Legends, Varsity Has Beens

The former Cobblestone star has emerged from Darryl's Hair's shadow (how many times did we hear "who is THAT girl and why isn't she playing in a higher division?") and is now making a name for herself on the best team in D1, as well as running her own team in D4.  Maddie's a baller.


#15: Kelly Liddle - Legends, Cunning Stunts

Oh of course Kelly Liddle was going to be on this list.  She's been playing for like twenty years (sorry Kelly!) but she doesn't look like she's even close to losing a step.  Combine brains with athleticism and speed (and sure, good looks) and this is what you get.  Always a terror to play against.


#14: Sam Lattuca - Red Zone Mafia

By far the TSL's all-time female leader in passing touchdowns, Sam has the arm to throw and the vision/decisiveness to always make the RIGHT throw.  Oh, she can do everything else too, tenacious defense, catch passes, whatever you need, but it's her passing abilities that truly separate her from the rest of the League.


#13: Cat Peters - Scared Hitless, Lenny's Ladies

This All We Do is Quinn legend has gone on to fame as part of the Scared Hitless three-headed dragon that every D2 opponent cries about after they lose.  Cat is fast as hell and often ends up covered by another girl which is a recipe for disaster for that team.  And she's super nice too!


#12: Brandy Clarke - Cunning Stunts

If we're underrating one player on this entire list, we are confident it's Brandy Clarke.  She could play with any team in any division and immediately excel, but it's harder to stand out now that she's only on one team and surrounded by other Stunts talent at that.  She MIGHT be the single best defender in our Rankings too (see: #4 on this list for her only competition).  


#11: Rachel Parker - Sleezin Szn, Lenny's Ladies

Her teams are a combined 1-6 right now but don't blame that on Rachel Parker.  She's still a bad-ass who demands male coverage or she'll absolutely torch your team (and she'll probably torch it even covered by a guy).  Speed, route running and hands, she's the total package.


#10: Misty Himes - Zack Attack, Lenny's Ladies

There's speed and there's speed.  Looking at our Top Twenty here there's maybe ONE girl who's truly "faster" than Misty Himes?  It changes the way teams play defense when they have to account for speed like hers.  How does Zack Attack not average 40 PPG when they can just dump it off to Misty and watch her run?


#9: Laura Streeter - Sticky Bandits, Itches and Ohs

Laura Streeter is one of the most well-rounded players in the League.  Speed and hands on offense, aggressive and smart on defense, AND the stamina to go both ways all day for two teams.  She's a big part of why the Sticky Bandits are suddenly competitive in D1, and we're pretty sure she's at least 60% of the reason Itches and Ohs won D4 last session.


#8: Amber Hay - Grey Hair - Don't Care, Legends

If Talia doesn't win our fictional "Most Improved Player Award", it's because it went to Amber.  Remember when she wasn't THAT good a couple sessions ago?  Well she's picked up a few tricks since.  The speed was always there, but better hands and route running and defense and general play-making have made Amber a real asset to her teams.


#7: Cheryl Julicher - When Dove Cries

This is what we wrote last year: "Cheryl may go down as the GOAT whenever she retires (does she ride off into the sunset with Public Enemy?), and she has been the standard for years on what a top female can be in this League.  Her speed isn't elite, but she has great hands, she's tough as nails, gets open, and always makes the play that needs to be made."  All still true, except she's downgraded from Chris Cole to Topper at QB!


#6: Rachel Grampp - Eyes Downtown, Freeballers

Bobby's best weapon in D1 and Dylan's best weapon in D3, Rachel is just a great athlete and seems to thrive at everything on the football field.  With the game on the line and down by 8 points, she's the one her quarterbacks will be looking to for the big play.  


#5: Heather Cepuchowski - Legends

Heather is the highest ranked Public Enemy girl??  How about that.  She's really thriving this season on Legends and has been their best girl so far.  Heather always knows how to get open short or deep, and always seems to make a play on the ball.  There was a lot of debate about the ranking of the #6-#20 spots (and honorable mentions) but Heather (and the girl directly above her) made nearly everyone on our Committee's ballot in their Top Five.


#4: Jaimie Warren - Scared Hitless, Lenny's Ladies

Jaimie is elite in just about every aspect of the game (though we're not sure we've ever seen her rush the passer; presumably she'd be great at that too).  Route running and hands are A+ caliber and she's constantly nominated for "Best Defender" awards at our banquets for a reason.  Scared Hitless, we hope you know how lucky you are to have three of the top 13 girls in the League.


#3: Katie Keller - DILFS, 4th & Something

Now we get to the Top Three.  Every single one of our Committee members that submitted ballots had the exact same Top Three, though in slightly different orders.  In other words, no one ranked Katie Keller lower than 3rd best in the TSL.  She isn't the fastest girl in the League (we'll get to her next!) but her playmaking ability and instincts make the pride of the Keller clan (sorry Scotty) a threat on every play.  


#2: Caitlyn Mason - Buffalo Vice, Lenny's Ladies

Caitlyn is the fastest girl in the League.  Top speed and quickness are two different concepts we realize, but Caitlyn might be the best at both.  How many times have we seen her take routine catches and turn them into massive gains by juking around the entire defense?  It's almost unfair to the rest of us.  It's impossible to imagine another girl covering Caitlyn with any success.  Oh and she's great on defense too.


#1: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs

Melanie Linsmair is the best female athlete in the TSL.  We ranked her third last year and said "you may not be aware of her yet.  You'll learn the name soon, we promise."  By now you must know who she is.  Teams KNOW the ball is coming to her and they still can't stop it.  Speed and toughness and hands and toughness (which we know we just said twice).  If you've played against her, you understand why she's #1.  She's also young and just seems to be getting started.  The future is bright.  


So now that you've seen our Greatest Female Players rankings and decided it's all bullshit ("Amber is way too high!  Kelly is way too low!  How is Katie Swanson just an honorable mention?!") we'll take this time to remind you that you HAD your chance to weigh in on these Rankings and you probably didn't.  We've been advertising this for months and sent a reminder on Facebook as well.  At this point there's nothing you can do about it... BUT you still have a chance to weigh in on the next set of rankings!  Next week we'll be looking at the Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League.  If you've got thoughts and want to highlight a male player that has stood out to you this season, let us know this week before it's too late.

Categories for the rest of the season are as follows:

  • May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
  • June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
  • June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers




That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  that random girl who caught a touchdown once on your team isn't in our Top Females list?  graphs remind you of how dumb you felt in high school?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!


What’s YOUR ranking?

Privacy Policy

Category: Uncategorised
Created: Wednesday, 08 December 2021 20:16
Published: Wednesday, 08 December 2021 20:16
Written by Super User
Hits: 5380
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Week 3 Thoughts, Picks & Stuff

Category: Uncategorised
Created: Friday, 03 September 2021 14:27
Published: Friday, 03 September 2021 14:27
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2871


Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, as you prepare yourselves for battle this weekend upon the hallowed grounds at the Rose Garden, I have one simple request for you:


Help Topper and Lenny’s friend Kathy.


You see, Topper asked me to mention that Kathy is helping with the “Stand Down” event to assist Veterans. In fact, to make this easier to explain, here is what Topper sent me for information on the event:


“On behalf of the Veterans One-stop Center of WNY, for the next two Saturdays we will be collecting items at the fields.  If you can please help out and pass this along to your teammates, it would be great for the TSL to come through in a big way for them.


Here is list of items that we could use for the Stand Down event. It is the 20th anniversary of the event in Buffalo and it is a resource event for veterans that are homeless or at risk of homelessness. It is open to all veterans though, because they’re great resources for all to know. If you wanted to do a collection at football that would be awesome, we’d greatly appreciate it. All of the items will still need to be in packaging.


We are in need of the following:


  Underwear- all sizes






In other words, Let’s get donating and really show a big friend of the TSL some love in her efforts for a really good cause. Kathy has graciously donated her time again and again to being Topper’s wedding date recently, so she’s really earned the TSL’s help here as she’s “jumped on the grenade” more than once for all of us. If that wasn’t enough to show you that she’s family, she also used to work for Lenny, and one time wore a Lobster costume for him and sang “Do You Know The Way To San Jose?” at his birthday request.


I truly can not believe I just typed that sentence out, but here we are. The point is, she’s earned her TSL stripes over the years, so if we can give back to a good cause for her, we should. Please share this with your team chats and see what you can do, if anything. If you don’t donate that’s okay too, it isn’t a prerequisite, but if you don’t you’ll be silently judged by the masses. Then again, that was probably happening anyway.


Let’s show the community why the TSL is the greatest football family in the world.


Anyway, with that said, let’s talk some football.




Last Week’s Games:

Losing Streak 32, Tight Ends In Motion 26


              Really dynamite stuff out of D1 last weekend, as Slob Kabombs bailed on their rematch with Public Enemy early Saturday morning. But the one matchup we did have was quite exciting, sort of. TEIM decided to put the schedule requests into the hands of known Potted Plant Assaulter Eric Kleckler who, instead of asking for the exact day of Bro’s wedding off, he just asked for “Week 1” off. You can see where this is going. A decent chunk of TEIM couldn’t be at the fields. They went up 26-0, but Losing Streak figured them out and got the big comeback win. Good for LS, who sit at 1-1 on the season. They lost a game they should’ve had when they were shorthanded, and got one when their opponents were. They fit in just fine here.


This Week’s Games:


Tight Ends In Motion vs Slob Kabombs (+13) – Assuming we don’t get another forfeit, TEIM should get their shot to wipe the floor with Slob Kabombs this week. You know they’re already going to be annoyed that they’re 0-1, so they’re going to make up for that this week with a big win. TIGHT ENDS BY 20


Tight Ends In Motion vs Sticky Bandits (+6) – Hey look! It’s Sticky Bandits, finally. Sticky Nation returns after properly requesting off for a teammate’s wedding to finally play their first game of the season. And what a game to return to. When we last saw these two teams on the field together, Mike Thomas was throwing a game winning TD to Dean Thompson in the semi-finals. Only, he wasn’t. He was sacked, allegedly, and TEIM would go on to win it all. Like they will here. TIGHT ENDS BY 8




Last Week’s Games:

A&A 39, When Dove Cries 30

A&A 41, XTC 38

The Notorious BNB 42, Passed Our Prime 39


              A&A beat two QBs who are a combined 352 years old last week to move on to a 3-0 record, tops in the division. They’re currently the #1 ranked team in the TSL according to the very mysterious “Topper Metrics” in the standings, but rightfully so. Meanwhile, The Notorious BNB is essentially a low-end D1 team hiding out in D2, and they stole a win from Passed Our Prime on a rather controversial call.


This Week’s Games:


When Dove Cries vs Bullet Club (+7) – The Topper vs Joe K rivalry has been going on for quite sometime now. I have to assume they have alcohol on the line. Right now though, I feel like WDC currently has the edge on Bullet Club, who may just be a D3 team hiding in D2. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 12


The Notorious BNB vs Top Shot (+7) – Top Shot attempted to go to D1, but eventually dropped to D2 when Chris Nelson broke up with them. BNB, as we said, is essentially a D1 team. So if Top Shot is looking to see how they measure up in D1, this is a good start. I’m already certain that this will be some dumb Dark Blue vs Black shirts matchup where nobody is smart enough to wear white. All jokes aside, this is a good measuring stick matchup. THE NOTORIOUS BNB BY 3


Scared Hitless vs XTC (+1) – Scared Hitless is off to a better start in D2 than they were last year, and now they get to play the “haven’t won a game since we added Joey Batts because he’s secretly trash” XTC. XTC is 0-2, but they’ve lost both games by a combined 4 points. They’re very close to being 2-0 and flipping the narrative. XTC BY 6


When Dove Cries vs Scared Hitless (+7) – These two teams are very similar. They both have great females and suspect QBs. It’ll come down to which group of guys are better, and right now I think it’s the team wearing orange. WHEN DOVE CRIES BY 7


Top Shot vs XTC (+4) – The second game for both teams as we have a lot of D2 action this weekend. XTC is smart, but the truth is Sean for Top Shot is a superstar. Dylan isn’t. Yet. This guy will win QB of the Year multiple times in his career. Watch. Give me the younger team with the best player on the field in the second game of the day. TOP SHOT BY 9


Passed Our Prime vs Bullet Club (+6) – Another D2 team with a double header as Bullet Club also goes up against Passed Our Prime this weekend. POP can score, that’s for sure. They struggle with defense though. Anyone who has seen Bullet Club for the last decade knows you can describe them the same way. This could be a really fun shootout. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 9


A&A vs Passed Our Prime (+7) – POP gets their real test in A&A, who are the cream of the crop currently. I’m looking forward to this game, assuming both squads are at full strength. This could be a fun one. A&A BY 5




Last Week’s Games:

Grey Hair 20, The Angels 17

The Untouchaballs 36, Show Me Dem TDs 8

Last Dance 48, Cobblestone 6

Show Me Dem TDs 32, Super Freaks 21

Cobblestone 30, The Untouchaballs 6

4th and Dong 38, Super Freaks 30


              Grey Hair continued their dominance over The Angels who lose a close one again. Meanwhile, Cobblestone lost 48-6 but then beat Untouchaballs 30-6, after Untouchaballs beat SMDTDs 36-8, who would then beat Super Freaks 32-21. My point is that D3 is a blender of ridiculousness that is must see TV since anyone can beat anyone on any given Saturday.


This Week’s Games:


Last Dance vs The Angels (+7) – If there’s one thing the girls want less in this world than having to wake up for a early game, its to hear JZ screaming at 10:02am. That alone is motivation for them to remind the TSL just who run the world. Girls. THE ANGELS BY 12


Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+6) – Garrett drops back down to play QB in D3 where he belongs, after a 72 interception performance in D1 last week. Frodo is weirdly just 0-0-1 this season. Do they have an answer for Jeremy Burr, Melanie Linsmair and the “look out because we’ve arrived except for that last game just ignore that” Untouchaballs? Yes. Yes they do. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 19


Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Super Freaks (+10) – The Super Freaks when 0-2 last weekend but they were in both games. Ralph Finney might not be a QB, but he’s too smart at this game to not figure it out fast. I think they’re going to be a very tough out as the season goes on. Grey Hair is just par for the course right now. 2-0, cruising along. They know what they need to be doing, and they do it. Like they will here. GREY HAIR BY 8


Freeballers vs Show Me Dem TDs (+10) – One of my esteemed informants gave me some information that Freeballers are moving away from George Lombardo at QB and going with Dylan Jaloza instead. It’s a great move when you consider Dylan is a better QB anyway, but George hasn’t been too shabby either. I mean, they did win D4 with him. I’m not entirely sure why, but it seems its work related. I’m still not sure what SMDTDs is yet. This is a good test for them. FREEBALLERS BY 11


Cobblestone vs 4th And Dong (+20) – It’s the summer of Darryl. 4th and Dong are nice people, but Cobblestone is clearly America’s team, and Darryl is looking to drop 37 points in the first half alone on 4th and Dong.*


*-this preview was sponsored by and paid for Darryl Carr, QB Superstar.




Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 34, Puckett All-Stars 22

Buffalo Vice 20, Zack Attack 14

Zack Attack 20, Puckett All-Stars 14

Itches and Ohs 51, Practice Squad 38

Gucci 26, Today’s Feast 22

Itches and Ohs 36, Breast Friends 35

Practice Squad 46, Breast Friends 35


              The Puckett All-Stars are in the middle of realizing that when you pick up All We Do Is Quinn players, you get their ability to lose in the regular season as well as they go 0-2 this past week. Zack Attack gets their first win in D4, a 20-14 tilt over Puckett after losing to Buffalo Vice by the same score earlier in the day. Eventually, the TSL is going to have to admit Steve Moser is good at football whether they like him or not. He took two more wins home, and has Itches and Ohs sitting as the #2 team according to Topper Metrics. Breast Friends had a tough day at the office, but I’m pretty sure Travis Cleavenger-Bernal was exhausted by the end of his 4th game in the brutal heat. Gucci takes home their first win in the TSL, giving Today’s Feast their first TSL loss as well. A lot of fun firsts!


This Week’s Games:


Today’s Feast vs Vaspian (+7) – I’m not sure if TF is the baller team from Week 1 or the team that lost in Week 2. They take on a veteran Vaspian squad that is still finding itself. Good times are ahead for Vaspian. VASPIAN BY 8


Cunning Stunts vs Today’s Feast (+8) – Things don’t get easier for TF as they’re thrown into the fire that is the Cunning Stunts. They’re just a great gender team led by a tiny QB with a big mouth. These girls know how to play, don’t underestimate them. CUNNING STUNTS BY 12


Practice Squad vs Puckett All-Stars (+3) – Two 1-2 teams who really could use this victory for tiebreaker purposes. Both teams are off to shaky starts, and they’re kind of in the same position, except that PS might have the worst defense in the league right now. They’ve allowed a ridiculous 44 points a game, which is just a trend that I can’t imagine continuing. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 8


Zack Attack vs Breast Friends (+3) – The two best teams from D5 face off in a D4 matchup this season. BFs got off to a rough start last week, but that shouldn’t be the norm. As for the Attack, they’re getting better every week. The defense is still very good, even if it isn’t as great as its been. This should be a fun one. ZACK ATTACK BY 2


Zack Attack vs Titsburgh Feelers (+10) – The only data we have on the Feelers is that they got their shit kicked in in their first game ever by Today’s Feast who may not even be that good. That doesn’t bode well for the newbies. Zack should roll in this one. ZACK ATTACK BY 16


Itches and Ohs vs Buffalo Vice (+1) – I really hope Seth shows up so we can have the 58-55 final this game deserves. It’s going to be high scoring, and it’s going to be exciting. These are two of my favorite teams and yes, this is a D4 championship game preview. ME. I AM THE WINNER HERE. ALSO BUFFALO VICE BY 1.


Falconies vs Titsburgh Feelers (+6) – I’m not 100% sure who either team really is yet. But I do know that Joe Miano is a star who is wasting his talents in D4. This should be his “secondary” team. FALCONIES BY 10


Cunning Stunts vs Gucci (+8) – If the rumors are true, and we have Gucci rocking their female QB, then this is everything we’ve ever wanted. A fantastic gender team vs a gender QB who could also be fantastic, I mean, we don’t know. Historically, co-ed teams try to get gender TDs to keep up with the girls teams. But what if you just get one star QB female? Let’s find out. CUNNING STUNTS BY 2



Last Week’s Games:

716 41, TOX 31

Not So Sticky 20, Wasted Potential 14

Lettuce Win 28, Come From Behind 16


               Perhaps the demise of TOX was a little overblown, as they hung in there with 716 before ultimately falling. Not So Sticky accidentally beat Wasted Potential, which just means they weren’t drunk enough. And Lettuce Win took a victory from CFB, who were making their TSL return!


This Week’s Games:


Wasted Potential vs Lettuce Win (+1) – I still need more data points on Lettuce Win to really give them the edge over a team in WP that I know can play very, very well when they want to. You know, when they play to their potential. WASTED POTENTIAL BY 8


Wasted Potential vs Come From Behind (+3) – CFB is a veteran team that knows what they’re supposed to be doing, even if they don’t execute it properly every time. But they’re smart, and that can’t be understated. WP not having Big Brain Coach Jay behind center brings them down a notch. And I’ll take brain power over athletes any day. COME FROM BEHIND BY 8


Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+8) – Spinelli’s is looking for their first win in D5, and TOX is a team that more than likely will give it to them. I know, I just said that perhaps they’re better than we thought, but Spinelli’s put on a clinic in D6 last season, and their girls are just much better than TOX’s. Look for Katie Swanson and Chelsea Lapore to just take over the game here at some point. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 8


WoodPeckers vs TOX (EVEN) – The Woodpeckers make their triumphant return to the TSL in the division they should’ve been in this whole time! Joe B has consistently given everyone in TSL management his updated roster, and currently it seems like none of the names involved have been recently cut by any NFL teams or major wrestling federations. WOODPECKERS BY 2


Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Come From Behind (+3) – I don’t know much about CFB in terms of if they’re a “new look” or we’re getting the same, um, classic roster. Spinelli’s is young and hungry, maybe, so I’m going to give this to them. Looking forward to being wrong here. SPINELLI’S BY 7


716 vs Not So Sticky (+8) – I don’t know if Not So Sticky is playing for keeps for playing for funsies this season. The Jeff Krol passion project rolls on against a 716 team that’s been impressive so far in D5. If 716 wants to make a name for themselves, winning this one will do that for them. 716 BY 7




Last Week’s Games:

TMA 25, Blitzkrieg 16

Graves Bros 48, Travis Henry’s Kids 47


               TMA continues to roll as the big fish in a small pond took out Blitzkrieg with awesome human being Johnny Dio under center yet again. TMA was at full strength this week and didn’t have much of an issue winning this one. Graves Bros beat THK by a point in a crazy fun game that both teams really needed to get their season on the right track.


This Week’s Games:


Lenny’s Ladies vs Blitzkrieg (+6) – Lenny’s Ladies had an impressive Week 1 win, even though Chris Cole played for them. Joe K should be back at QB this time around with his ladies roster that is very sneaky good. I’ve had 3 different people tell me how Lenny’s has a great roster that nobody realizes is good. Blitzkrieg really isn’t Blitzkrieg this time around as QB Alex isn’t playing and neither is superstar Allie Metzger. This puts other players in positions they may not be used to and they’ll be adjusting. LENNY’S LADIES BY 9


TMA vs Blitzkrieg (+9) – We just saw this matchup last week, but in a 6 team division you need to get used to that. TMA shouldn’t have much of an issue getting the same result here, as they looked very good with their full team intact. Teams that are true families always play better together. TMA BY 18




1. Are we going to start getting more bets in the league? It seems like the only time we really get some good bar bets is when Breakfast Club is happening. We need more captains calling each other out. Stop being weak.


2. Do you want to be a referee? Seriously, the TSL needs a few more people to sign up to referee. Shout out to those that already have stepped up to help the league out.


3. How many donations will we get for the veterans? Topper will give the team that donates the most a pizza party. He doesn’t know it yet, but I’m sure he’ll be fine with it. I’m excited to hear about how well we do.


4. What’s the biggest surprise of the season so far? That gender teams are a combined 3-4 this season, and that Lenny’s Ladies and Victorious Secret have two of those wins.


5. What’s the biggest disappointment so far this season? Practice Squad can not be happy with how many points they’re allowing. I’m disappointed in them. Topper told me its Kenny’s fault. I’m not sure I agree.




1. After two weeks of way too humid and hot weather, it appears that the weather has chilled out a little bit for you guys in Buffalo. This weekend should be a lot nicer.


2. As always, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to get your team its proper publicity. Don’t complain if you don’t talk to me. I actually have some emails to catch up on now that I think about it.


3. Did you guys see that “Top Female Receiver Rankings” part in the QB Power Rankings Article? I would’ve loved to have voted in that. I don’t know who the committee is fully made up of, but I have some questions about that. Like, how was Emily Curry not a unanimous top 10 vote getter? Or Margo? This is some nonsense. Melanie Linsmair is good for sure, but it feels like recency bias came into play. My Top 5, in some order, off the top of my head would be Robin Makula, Margo Jablonski, Jaimie Warren, Emily Curry, and Cheryl Julicher. For the record.


4. And no, nobody cares about the males for this stuff.


5. I think its almost a fair complaint that the “non-Godfather” TSL media has been off lately. The podcast still needs a new intro and its hard to listen to when nobody saw any games. The Sentinel at least got their information right this week. The QB Rankings just had that questionable female receiver list. The point is, you’re welcome everyone for yet again giving you the best social co-ed football media for 10 years running now.


6. Joe K emailed me to ask the TSL universe if anyone wants to be in the 3rd annual Leonard T. Alba III Memorial TSL Fantasy Football league. They need a few more players this season. Please see him at the fields if you want in, or if you just want more info.


7. Top teams that will fade out during the season: Falconies, Cobblestone, Eyes Downtown


8. Bottom teams that will rise up the standings: XTC, The Angels, Breast Friends


9. Good teams that will stay good: Top Shot, 716, TMA, Itches and Ohs.


10. Bad teams that will stay bad: Super Freaks, Bullet Club, Vaspian



And that’s going to do it for the article this week. Again, PLEASE tell your teammates about the donation drive for the veterans. I think you can do great things for the community with this! Week 3 is fast approaching, it’s going to be the best week yet. Stay safe out there.



TSL Business Contacts

Category: Uncategorised
Created: Sunday, 19 September 2021 12:19
Published: Sunday, 19 September 2021 12:19
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 8592

Real Estate






Spinelli Plumbing 716-239-8073

Payton Spinelli

This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.


Sports Injury & Therapy

Frequently injury occurs and is overlooked. At times it has gone away in the past, but that is not always the case. Chronic, repetitive, and traumatic injuries are common in all levels of football. Below are a few common football injuries.




Physical therapy can be helpful for addressing these injuries. Treatment includes strengthening, form work, strategies to reduce inflammation, and manual therapy. If you are interested in less pain and improving yourself on and off the field contact me, Ellory Roberts for an appointment or find me on the field for a free consultation. Go Bills!


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Orchard Park, NY 14127






Final Picks

Category: Uncategorised
Created: Friday, 23 October 2020 18:03
Published: Friday, 23 October 2020 18:03
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 10550



Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe:




It took a long time to get here, but we know that. We know what we’ve overcome in the #TSL2020 season to get to this point. But it doesn’t matter anymore. What matters is that we made it, and on October 24th in the Year of Our Lord 2020, the TSL will crown 6 New Champions. 6 teams will earn their place in history alongside their claim to Social Co-Ed Football Immortality. This one is special. It was unlike any other championship that preceded it, and (hopefully) will be unlike any of the ones that follow.


On this Saturday, the remaining 26 of the TSL’s 44 teams will do battle. All of D1 is still around, so if Gryffindor or Why So Serious? has any hope of winning the D1 title, it’ll take 3 straight wins to do so. Good luck.


And just when I thought this league couldn’t surprise me anymore, it did. The fact that there was only ONE “upset” last week is the most insane thing I’ve ever heard of. I thought Topper was messing with me when he told me on Sunday. That’s right, other than The Untouchaballs’ 21-7 victory over Grey Hair Don’t Care, every single higher seed won this weekend (with the exception of the play-in games, somehow).


That’s incredibly boring, and you all know it. And in the TSL, it feels almost impossible! We usually have a shocker or two that gets the league talking! But NO, not this season. And most of the games weren’t even close. The few that were, were VERY exciting. For example:


Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 – Scotty Dro let out an email to TSL brass last weekend, claiming how his team lets him down and he’s looking for a D1 team next year. . . Then he proceeds to not even show up for the playoffs. This resulted in Frodo having to have Garrett play QB, and they had to play 3 guys and 3 girls all game. That’s not ideal, unless you’re Vaspian. Vaspian, fresh off their win over En Fuego in the play-in round, stayed close all game before tying the game with little to no time left on the clock. They ALMOST won the game on the conversion, but failed. This brought us to OVERTIME. Vaspian struck first, scoring a gender TD but failing on the conversion. Frodo went to respond, and finally did, getting a huge gender TD to tie the game. But they were successful on their conversion, giving them a 1 point win.


Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31 – I’m starting to think that the Freeballers never “all had COVID” but instead proceeded to get some sort of PEDs to get them playing like an actual football team this week. After knocking out the Stunts, they took URTT to the limit. Uncle Rico’s was forced to score with no time left to take this game that you’d have guessed they’d win by 21. Rico’s moved on, but barely.


Slytherin That End Zone 24, Bullet Club 16 – A back and forth, defensive affair is the opposite of how these two teams play each other normally. After taking a quick 15-0 lead, SITE couldn’t do anything after that for most of the game. Bullet Club took a 1 point lead with apparently like 9-10 minutes left. After more back and forth, with SITE down to 5-1 not far from the endzone, Newman found Taylor Pagano for a gender TD with 29 seconds left to secure the win.


Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24 – Another typical close game between these two teams. Both were considered to be among the division’s best and even if this was a #1 vs #8 seed matchup, you wouldn’t have known it. BPX started coming together at the end of the season, but Graves Bros has been good all year and deserved this one.



But that’s it. FOUR close games. If there were more, its because nobody told me about it. What a boring league. Why do we even bother playing?


Oh, that’s right, because football is awesome.


So who’s going to win the TSL Championships this weekend? Well, Let me tell you:




Okay, I proceeded to give you all the “Round 1” games and breakdown last week, so if you want to read it, feel free to scroll down a lot to that article and remind yourself. And if you didn’t read it last week? FOR SHAME FOR NOT READING MY ARTICLE. All jokes aside, this is going to be an interesting wrinkle for some of these teams with championship aspirations. For the sake of having something to write, I’m going to use my predicted winners from last week for the matchups here. No offense to Gryffindor or Why So Serious?. Prove me wrong, it’s my favorite.


#1 Public Enemy (7-1) vs #5 Eyes Downtown (3-4)

Points For (Division Rank): PE – 33.38 (2nd), ED – 28.43 (5th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PE – 25.25 (1st), ED – 33.00 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: PE 3rd, ED 28th

TSLQBPRC Line: Public Enemy (-6)

Past Game(s): Public Enemy 28, Eyes Downtown 18


It’s on. Right? Don’t let the rankings deceive you, Eyes Downtown is a better team than they’ve shown this year. There may have been zero total games they’ve had their full roster, but I believe this week they’ll be at full power. But, how good are they? There’s a lot of new faces over there, including some females that have never played in a TSL playoff game before, much less one that they have to deal with Heather and Cheryl in. I’m giving the edge to Public Enemy for their experience and having continuity this season. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 9


#2 Tight Ends In Motion (5-3) vs #3 Marketing Mayors (4-4)

Points For (Division Rank): TEIM – 38.50 (1st), MM – 30.29 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): TEIM – 26.75 (2nd), MM – 28.00 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: TEIM  14th, MM 21st

TSLQBPRC Line: Tight Ends In Motion (-3)

Past Game(s): Tight Ends In Motion 29, Marketing Mayors 28


So, what a ride for Tight Ends this season. After an awful start, they’re finding themselves with the hottest offense in the TSL. It’s always a shame to say this, but the injury to Alex has once again become the best thing for them. “Bro” Kleckler came in, along with Robin Makula, and the offense is at a level never before achieved by TEIM. The hottest story in the TSL the last few seasons has been “How good would TEIM be with a better QB?” and now we’re seeing it. As good as the Mayors are, TEIM is just better right now. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 7


The End Result: Public Enemy brings out the best in everyone, but especially Tight Ends. TEIM is going to want this game badly, for obvious reasons, but “at the end of the day” (say that in B’s Brother’s voice please), the champs retain. PE just has a slightly more talented roster, and the best QB of all time. That gives them the edge in what will be an EXCELLENT D1 final. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 2



Last Week’s Games:


Jabronies 26, Peachy Platoon 18

Sticky Bandits 43, Morning Wood 28

SITE 24, Bullet Club 16


#1 Dilfs (7-2) vs #4 Slytherin That End Zone (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Dilfs – 33.63 (3rd), SITE – 31.11 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Dilfs – 26.00 (1st), SITE – 28.89 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Dilfs 5th, SITE 18th

TSLQBPRC Line: Dilfs (-9)

Past Game(s): Dilfs 35, SITE 22



The Dilfs have pretty much dominated this division all season. Their only losses have been to Sticky in Week 1 with a lot of players missing and a midseason loss to Jabronies. That’s it. Meanwhile, SITE’s 5 wins are as follows: HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, a Week 1 win against Jabronies, and two late comeback wins against Bullet Club and Peachy Platoon. Not exactly world beating. The Dilfs are just a little bit better than SITE in everything, except for being younger. I don’t think that comes into play here. DILFS BY 12


#2 Jabronies (6-3) vs #3 Sticky Bandits (5-4)

Points For (Division Rank): Jabronies – 34.33 (2nd), Sticky – 34.44 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Jabronies – 27.56 (2nd), Sticky – 33.22 (7th)

Overall TSL Rank: Jabronies 10th, Sticky Bandits 17th

TSLQBPRC Line: Sticky Bandits (-1)

Past Game(s): Sticky Bandits 39, Jabronies 28


I don’t know what it is about these two teams, but it seems like Sticky just always has the Jabronies’ number. It’s possibly because the Jabronies are made up of all of the players that weren’t good enough to crack the Sticky Roster. They play the same Krol-Baker offense, AND defense. Sticky has been doing this longer, and they tend to know what the Jabronies are going to do before they even do it. Logically, Jabronies should be able to score a lot more on Sticky, but they can’t. Until they start proving things otherwise, I’ll just go with what should happen, since that’s what this season seems to be about anyway. STICKY BANDITS BY 6


The End Result: Well, we’ve kind of just seen this game two weeks ago. Dilfs won 39-31. That’s not a “guaranteed” win for the Dilfs, but when it comes down to it, they’ve just been the best team in the division all season. Barring half the team needed to get a rapid COVID test in Syracuse or something this time (more on that one later), the repeat feels on. DILFS BY 7




Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 42, En Fuego 25 (Play-In Game)

Frodo Swaggins 39, Vaspian 38 (OT)

The Untouchaballs 21, Grey Hair 7


#1 All We Do Is Quinn (8-1) vs #5 The Untouchaballs (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 34.00 (1st), Untouchaballs – 27.13 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): AWDIQ – 22.43 (2nd), Untouchaballs – 27.00 (5th)

Overall TSL Rank: AWDIQ 7th, The Untouchaballs 29th

TSLQBPRC Line: All We Do Is Quinn (-14)

Past Game(s): All We Do Is Quinn 32, The Untouchaballs 28


14 points is too much in this contest. I get it, Quinn has been a wrecking ball all season (save for the one game without Vince), but they still only beat UT by 4 points in the regular season. Quinn might blow it in the playoffs every single year, but Untouchaballs have literally never been here before. I still don’t know who they are, but at some point I will. Maybe this is the time to make a name for themselves? Maybe not. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 8


#2 Scared Hitless (5-2) vs #3 Frodo Swaggins (5-2)

Points For (Division Rank): SH – 30.83 (3rd), Frodo – 33.71 (2nd)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): SH – 20.17 (1st), Frodo – 26.43 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Hitless 12th, Frodo 13th

TSLQBPRC Line: Scared Hitless (-3)



Game of the day potential right here. These two teams are VERY CLOSE to each other, so we’ll have to break it down to advantages. At QB, Assuming Scotty shows up, Frodo has a distinct advantage over Hitless there. Dylan is doing a fine job as he learns, but Scotty is an All World co-ed QB. For females, Scared Hitless has the distinct advantage because Jaimie and Cat are better than anyone on Frodo. So it comes down the supporting cast of males. Nick and an aging Garrett are nice to have, but the cupboard is bare behind them. Meanwhile, Scared Hitless boasts some impressive talent, most notably Jonny Football, Tristan, Brandon Farr and Cat’s boyfriend. I’m sure there’s some other guy I don’t know in there too. This is another place I have to give the edge to Hitless. It’ll be a good one, but SCARED HITLESS BY 12.


The End Result: I just want to be able to say “Man, don’t you wish Quinn had room for Cat’s boyfriend?” and give Hitless the win here. The truth is, these teams are pretty even across the board, EXCEPT at QB. Vince is just better than Dylan, and AS LONG AS QUINN DOESN’T FALL BEHIND AND LOSE THEIR HEADS BECAUSE THEY’RE PREMATURELY ASSUMING THEY’RE BLOWING IT AGAIN, that should be enough to give them the victory they’ve tried so very, very hard for. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 6



Last Week’s Games:

Freeballers 47, Cunning Stunts 9 (Play-in)

Uncle Rico’s 37, Freeballers 31

Over Compensators 46, Family Feud 15



#1 Buffalo Solar Solutions (6-2) vs #4 Over Compensators (3-5)

Points For (Division Rank): BSS – 35.25 (4th), OC – 34.63 (6th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): BSS – 28.00 (1st), OC – 40.75 (5th)

Overall TSL Rank: BSS 8th, OC 31st

TSLQBPRC Line: Buffalo Solar Solutions (-12)

Past Game(s): Buffalo Solar Solutions 42, Over Compensators 20


While these two teams have very similar offenses, the numbers show that one thing is very clear: the BSS defense will dictate how this game goes. If they play to their normal standards, BSS should walk away with the victory. However, a little birdie told me that there’s a chance that Defensive standout and potential D4 MVP Brett Cole won’t be playing this weekend. Whatever selfish reason he has to not be there (The ONLY allowed explanation is “he’s adopting a puppy”), BSS will need to overcome it. But on the OC side of things, they were talking to Topper about potentially moving around the schedule so they can have some more players make it. Considering that didn’t happen (I think?), The OC might be shorthanded as well. I’m not entirely sure they can afford to be missing players for this game, and that could allow Andy Clark to just carve up the OC defense. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10


#2 The Angels (6-2) vs #3 Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Angels – 40.13 (2nd), URTT – 42.00 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Angels – 33.75 (2nd), URTT – 38.50 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Angels 9th, URTT 16th

TSLQBPRC Line: Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (-8)

Past Game(s): Uncle Rico’s 35, The Angels 32


Well, first off, bet the over here. These two teams can score, and score they will. Uncle Rico’s has been one of the better teams in the league in the second half, and they had their “scare” last weekend against the Freeballers that should keep them focused in this game. I’m not entirely sure that The Angels have a way to stop Chris Nelson, and that may be their downfall. These aren’t your Matty’s Angels here, they’re missing some key players due to injuries/being a world famous video game streamer maybe so it’s a different vibe. They don’t have the confidence they normally do. And on top of that, a good chunk of the roster have 1-3 games to potentially play before this one. It all adds up to a shocking D4 final without a gender team. UNCLE RICOS BY 12


The End Result: Buffalo Solar Solutions and Uncle Rico’s are going to put on a nice show for everyone. It’s the top ranked offense against the top ranked defense. But if the rumors are true on the loss of Brett for BSS, that top ranked Defense goes down a notch. Jon Senn finally gets that title. UNCLE RICOS BY 3



Last Week’s Games:

Practice Squad 40, Intentional Pounding 0

Mountain Dew Me 35, TOX 13

Zack Attack 26, Pteratacos 12

Cobblestone 31, ILF 20


#1 Practice Squad (7-1) vs #4 Zack Attack (4-5)

Points For (Division Rank): PS – 35.50 (2nd), ZA – 25.00 (4th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): PS – 13.63 (2nd), ZA – 22.22 (4th)

Overall TSL Rank: Practice Squad 1st, Zack Attack 23rd

TSLQBPRC Line: Practice Squad (-20)

Past Game(s): Practice Squad 38, Zack Attack 15



There just isn’t much to say here. Practice Squad is a level above Zack Attack. But don’t let that skew your view on the Attack. They’ve played VERY well this season, and they’ve just fallen victim to having two titans in their division. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 18


#2 Mountain Dew Me (7-1) vs #3 Cobblestone (6-2-1)

Points For (Division Rank): MDM – 38.35 (1st), Cobblestone – 22.56 (6th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): MDM – 6.25 (1st), Cobblestone – 20.78 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: MDM 2nd, Cobblestone 6th

TSLQBPRC Line: Mountain Dew Me (-26)

Past Game(s): Mountain Dew Me 32, Cobblestone 6


I want nothing more than for Darryl Carr QB Superstar to walk onto the fields (five minutes late mostly likely) on Saturday, and slay the beast that is MDM. We all do. But it’s just not going to happen. Like Zack Attack, Cobblestone got stuck with two powerhouses in a season that they could’ve won a championship for sure. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 30


The End Result: It felt weird the entire time typing that PS was #1 and MDM was #2. I think the entire TSL knows that’s not true. I don’t say these things to take away from Practice Squad, but even with them on a higher level, Mountain Dew Me is even higher. It became apparent weeks ago that MDM was taking that title, and even I’m not a bad enough gambler to bet against them. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 11



Last Week’s Games:

The Bambs 38, PC Plumbing 16

TMA 26, Blitzkrieg 15

Graves Bros 29, The BiPolar Express 24

Tater Tots 39, Lenny’s Ladies 16


#1 Graves Bros (7-1) vs #4 TMA (4-4-1)

Points For (Division Rank):  GB – 33.38 (2nd), TMA – 23.00 (8th)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): GB – 28.38 (4th), TMA – 20.00 (1st)

Overall TSL Rank: GB 4th, TMA 19th

TSLQBPRC Line: Graves Bros (-2)

Past Game(s): Graves Bros 20, TMA 14


Maybe I just don’t give Graves Bros enough respect. Week after week, I expect them to be upset, but all they tend to do is constantly win again and again. No, they don’t kill teams, but they’re always solid and they win each week. TMA has been a much different team in the second half of the season than they were to start the year. Their defense is still elite. They can play zone or man without issue, and the pressure they get up front from their rusher forces teams into mistakes. They’ll do the same to Graves Bros. The issue will be the offense. If QB Ryan has a good day, TMA can take the title that they’re so overdue on. Honestly, if TMA can score over 20 points in a game, they’ll win. But I think it’s time to give some credit where it’s finally due. GRAVES BROS BY 6


#2 Tater Tots (5-3-1) vs #3 The Bambs (5-3)

Points For (Division Rank): Tots – 25.78 (6th), Bambs – 34.00 (1st)

Points Allowed (Division Rank): Tots – 22.56 (2nd), Bambs – 28.38 (3rd)

Overall TSL Rank: Tater Tots 11th, The Bambs 15th

TSLQBPRC Line: The Bambs (-2)

Past Game(s): Tater Tots 29, The Bambs 26


Another game with huge Game of the Day potential here. The Bambs’ offense has been magical this season, which is exactly what they’ll need to beat the Tots. The Tots have also been hot the second half of the season, but the teams they’ve been playing (2 games against TMA, 2 against Lenny’s Ladies) haven’t had the best of offenses to prepare for. The Tots are fun team, and they’re getting better by the minute, but I don’t think they have what it takes to keep up with The Bambs this time, and I’m well aware they already beat them once. THE BAMBS BY 4


The End Result: In what can be considered a topsy turvy D6 season where literally all of the potential finals matchups are very fun, we get Graves and The Bambs. This is going to be a higher scoring affair for sure, and I think its going to come down to the wire. Seriously, these teams are as even as you can get. The Bambs average 34 points a game, and Graves scores 33.38. Both teams allow an identical 28.38 points. It’s as much of a coin flip as it can be. So, I flipped one. THE BAMBS BY 1




1.      I ask this every week, but how will the weather play a factor? I see that it’s 75 degrees in Buffalo today, which is PERFECT weather for our championship games. But some overnight storms will make the fields soft, and you’ll be playing in 45 degrees tomorrow. These conditions mean that just about anything will happen. Sunscreen looks to be optional as opposed to mandatory.


2.      Can anyone in D1 win 3 games to take the championship? The short answer is yes. I don’t think I’d be surprised if I find out from Topper Saturday Night/Sunday that Eyes Downtown or Marketing Mayors won the title.



3.      Can All We Do Is Quinn slay the demons of their past and finally take the championship or were you just being nice? I think it lines up nicely for them, but I really, really think Scared Hitless can beat Quinn.


4.      Who’s the most slam dunk champion this season? It has to be Mountain Dew Me. They averaged only 6.25 points against! That’s insanity. I love Practice Squad, especially with B, but I can’t envision this going any way but MDM’s. If I had to rank my champions from above in order of confidence from most to least: Mountain Dew Me, Dilfs, Public Enemy, Uncle Rico’s, All We Do Is Quinn, The Bambs.



5.      If all of the teams in this session come back next year, and you were put in charge of who plays in what divisions for the Spring, what would the league look like? Okay, so we had 44 teams this session, which would be 4 divisions of 7, and 2 with 8. I’d want to make D6 only 6 teams, so we can have 3 divisions of 8, 2 of 7, and 1 of 6:


D1: Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors, Why So Serious, Gryffindor, Tight Ends In Motion, Dilfs (7 Teams)

D2: Sticky Bandits, Slytherin that End Zone, Jabronies, Peachy Platoon, Bullet Club, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Morning Wood, All We Do Is Quinn (8 teams)

D3: Frodo Swaggins, Scared Hitless, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, The Angels, The Untouchaballs, Grey Hair Don’t Care, Cunning Stunts (8 teams)

D4: Over Compensators, Practice Squad, Mountain Dew Me, Cobblestone, Freeballers, En Fuego, Vaspian (7 teams)

D5: Family Feud, Pteratacos, Graves Bros, Tater Tots, Zack Attack, The Bambs, TMA, ILF (8 teams)

D6: Blitzkrieg, Lenny’s Ladies, The Bi-Polar Express, Intentional Pounding, TOX, PC Plumbing (6 Teams)


These would be some pretty fun divisions. To be honest though, I’d love to get 4 more teams and have 6 divisions of 8 more than anything. Chances are we’ll have some divisions of 10 in the spring when people start coming back. But this is just using the teams that we have now.





1.      Absolute shout out to Travis, Dark Val, and Diana. I don’t know if you know this story yet, but I found it amazing. Apparently, last Friday they found out they *could* have been exposed to COVID, which meant no playoffs for them. Instead of accepting their fate, they found a rapid test center 2 ½ hours away, made appointments as soon as they opened at midnight, and drove the 5 hours round trip to get tested (and they were all negative!) and make it back in time for the games. That’s some dedication to the TSL!


2.      Well, I gave who I *think* will win, but here’s who I’d want to win this Saturday:


a.      D1: Why So Serious? (I mean, that would be amazing)

b.      D2: Jabronies

c.       D3: All We Do Is Quinn

d.      D4: Buffalo Solar Solutions

e.      D5: Cobblestone

f.        D6: Tater Tots


3.      Every champion from our last session is still alive. Public Enemy is still going in D1, The Dilfs are doing well in D2, Sticky acclimated to D2 just fine as D3 champs, The Angels are still around in D4, The OC is alive in D4 as well, and Zack Attack is alive in D5 as the D6 champs. It’s good to see that those who moved up are performing well. It’s not the end of the world to go up a division.


4.      There are currently 7 of the 8 slots for the TSL indoor league already taken. GET YOURS TODAY.


5.      If you’re at the fields this weekend, once again, buy Topper a drink. He deserves it for all of his hard work. Even if you’re out of the playoffs, stop by anyway!


6.      I look forward to Breakfast Club happening again in the Spring, we hope. In case you forgot, we were looking at record numbers and 8-10 teams as opposed to our usual 6. The secret is out.


7.      It doesn’t matter if it’s the last week of the season, the COVID protocols will remain in effect for the entire day. Don’t be that guy or girl.


8.      Congrats to everyone for (mostly) respecting the bar and not causing any problems! Good stuff right there.


9.      Assuming we can get back to normal next season, be prepared for the return of the usual TSL craziness you’re used to. Clowns, Podcasts, Dunk Tanks, drinking games, maybe an ice cream truck again, who knows?


10.   Finally, again, if you’re REALLY SURE someone on your squad should be nominated for an award or two, email the official Awards Nomination Collector Emily Curry at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and if she’s too intimidating for you, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. .



Good luck to all of our teams this week. Immortality is waiting for you.


Go get it.




So Uncle Topper sent me a note and basically said “GF I need you to do me a favor. I want you to handicap all (9) games for SITE. SITE is that really bad team in D3 with the really bad name. But they do have Gary who is our hero. Let’s see how Gary and Co will fare shall we…..



SITE +32 VS GRYFFINDOR:  Oh come on Topper WTF. It’s bad enough you left SITE in D3 but now they have to face the greatest TSL’er of them all and perhaps of all time in Joey Batts. To make matters worse The Gryff signed Jeremy Burr which means bad news for SITE. OK here’s what will happen. SITE will put 2, 3 and sometimes 4 guys on Burr. Because Joey Batts likes a challenge he will still throw to Burr with 4 guys on him and will hit 75% of his passes. Poor brother Tony will be on the other side of the field uncovered but Joey will not look his way once. SITE will try and will score a whopping 6 point this week in route to a 53-6 loss. The bad news is SITE loses bad the good news is Gary wins the first ever TSL Topper’s Wheel of Hope spin this Saturday at 2:00. The bad news is Gary decided to also spin the secondary wheel and it lands on “valet park cars in a florescent traffic vest for 1 hour” later in the season. GRYFFINDOR BY 47


-Unbeknownst to Gray the rest of SITE takes his $100 Angry Buffalo gift certificate won on the  Topper’s wheel of Hope this Saturday at 2:00. They do the un-thinkable and set up a secret meeting with JZ. The remaining members of SITE plead with JZ to take them back as they were never as bad as they are now.  JZ looks at them and tells them “I will get back to you.” JZ also adds everyone on SITE as snapchat friends.




SITE +11 VS UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS: SITE uses their brains this week. Fearing last week’s loss was on Gary they decide to have him serve his punishment during the game so while SITE is playing URTT Gary dons a flourescent traffic vest and must valet park cars for 1 hour. While he’s gone SITE plays the greatest game in their history and score at will. URTT has no clue what hit them as they can’t slow down SITE. The SITE defense looks refreshed as they slam the door on URTT as there are no longer gaping holes in their defense. SITE makes history and for the first time ever wins a game in week #2. They carry Jessica off the field who makes the decision to have Gary go valet park cars in a stunning 31-29 upset of Uncle Rico’s.    SITE WINS!!! SITE WINS!!!! 31-29

SITE +17 VS A&A: JZ is the bitter rival of SITE and last year was the only game they won. JZ is now on A&A. Matty Ice is no dummy and knows he is walking into a trap so he does the               right thing and makes JZ take the week off. This kills JZ inside. JZ can’t miss this game he won’t miss the game. JZ decides to go “incognito” and decides to go dress up as a homeless jobless  man. Yes JZ decides to dress up as B’s Brother. Matty Ice also knowing JZ would do this out flanks everyone as he places the call to the only man alive who can counter act all this silliness. Yes Matty Ice calls back Coach Van. The man with the head phones to the heavan’s makes his triumphant return and hands people his glorious pencil drawings of him having drunken couitus with a dead JZ corpse. SITE takes the field of battle and scores 11 TDS on JZ’s side of the field Lucky for A&A Matty Ice throws 12 tds in route to a 84-77 victory. JZ is promptly fired from A&A after this game. A&A 84-77



SITE +21 VS MORNING WOOD: No one is happier this season than Mo Saleh. He won’t tell you this but I know two things: 1. He is in fact the godfather. 2. Mo was very afraid David “D Dub” Wilborn was heading to the Joey Batts super team.  I truly feel “D Dub” will be battling Jeremy Burr for most TDS this season in D3 and maybe the entire league. Having failed to cover Burr with 4 people Gary decides to cover “D Dub” with all 6 of his players. This of course fails miserably as well. Wilborn catches 9 TDS in route to an easy 63-12 victory. Rachel Parker stops by to check on Morning Wood and subsequently throat punches Gary twice then quits Morning Wood only to re-join them 7 minutes later. MORNING WOOD 63-12



Things are bad for SITE as they are now 1-3. Things hit rock bottom for Gary as he secretly tries to go practice as he joins the weekly “football cult” with Emily and her disciples. Gary of course gets picked last and get torched for 13 tds in 23 minutes.



SITE +6 vs STICKY BANDITS: OK now we are talking as SITE is only a 6 point underdog. SB is a solid team but they are hopping mad as they cry shenanigans as they are mad at TSL for forcing them to lose Dave Baker. SB knows Topper has a weird bromance going with Gary so they decide to make a point and they run up the score. Alex goes 78 for 79 for 167 yards and 8tds in route to a very easy 50-30 victory. After the loss Gary has a “players only meeting “ but only he shows up. STICKY BANDITS  50-30


SITE +7 VS COBBLESTONE FEATURING DARRYL CARR QB SUPERSTAR: OK now the stars are out. Gary slowly walks to the 50 for the coin flip and already is in awe of the greatness of Darryl Carr QB superstar. Gary gets lost in Darryl’s eyes. He is heard quietly mumbling “It’s magical, I mean how does a man get hair to look like that. There is a 25 MPH wind yet not one hair is out of place.” SITE is doing nothing through the air so Gary has a brilliant idea to try the wish bone offense because it worked in a college game he saw last week on TV. SITE rushes the ball 37 times for 13 yards in route to a depressing 38-6 loss. Darryl Carr goes Darryl Carr as he beats Gary for 5 TDS. Now that might sound like a lot but that is a huge improvement from last week. COBBLESTONE 38-6




SITE +31 VS BULLET CLUB: Something doesn’t seem right. Gary just can’t put his finger on it. First play dude runs right by Gary, I know this isn’t surprising as most do but this guy was faster than normal. Then on the first play on offense the SITE QB tries to throw to Gary but Antoine Winfield pic 6 to the house. Gary finds out Antoine Winfield, Eric Moulds, Jerry Rice, Peyton Manning and Thurman Thomas now all play for Bullet Club. Once they are up 98-6 Joe K comes in for a play or two just to rub it in. Apparently Joe K finds a loop hole in the rule book where there is nothing against using former NFL or hall of fame players on your roster as they technically all only play “on one team” and ref a game or two. BULLET CLUB 98-6




SITE +20 VS DMX: The game is played later in the day so at this point Topper has had too much to drink and Uncle Topper comes out and TSL starts burning to the ground. DMX seizes an opportunity goes and grabs their “mini ball” from the bag and they start making it rain out there. DMX starts crushing SITE with the long ball. Every time Uncle Topper walks but they put the small ball in the bag and then bring out the big one. They do this like 18x and send a cute girl over to Uncle Topper to keep him occupied in route to a solid 63-18 victory. They have now played 8 games and Gary has 0 TDS and has been beat on defense for 58 tds. DMX 63-18



SITE +10 1 TOPPER TOO MANY: Team Topper needs this win to make the playoffs. The night before Drew sends Topper a message that he is going to get a tattoo of care bears and my little pony and will once again have to miss a must win football game. Topper once again looks up into the ski and cries “WHY GOD WHY?’ Topper tries something different without Drew instead of just beating Gary long like everyone else does he decides to beat Gray short and let his WRs run for gains. This strategy pays off as he scores 4 quick TDS. SITE tries everything they can to get Gray a TD but one pass bounces off his head, one breaks his sun glasses and one bounces right off his face. Though they try SITE loses a heart breaker 59-7. Team Toper heads to playoffs and once again gets bounced in the first round as Drew no shows the playoffs yet again. 1 Topper too many 59-7


OK so I just did the math and that makes 1-8 AGAIN. SITE will struggle to score and will struggle even more to stop people. Feeling bad Topeper hands Gary an award for “perfect attendance” at the banquet.


OK I’m beat that’s enough….CYA Saturday………..



*****Once again please join us at 2:00 for the first ever Topper’s Wheel of Hope wheel spin. Thanks to Angry Buffalo at the Rose Garden and Topper Sports for giving away a $100 Angry Buffalo gift certificate each week. Please note: you must be in the bar the time of the drawing to win. If it hits your team and you are not there we will spin again until there is a winner******

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