Finals Wrap Up

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 05 July 2019 17:20

Published: Friday, 05 July 2019 17:20

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7718

 

And, with that, the Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality has ended.

 

The smoke has cleared, the blood has been spilled, the alcohol has been finished and the patios have been closed off to us for reasons. Beneath it all, we had some amazing finishes and a few surprises along the way.

 

If you didn’t know who won yet, here are our Official Topper Sports League Spring 2019 Champions:

 

D1: Marketing Mayors

D2: Gryffindor

D3: Slytherin That End Zone

D4: Puckett All-Stars

D5: Cunning Stunts

D6: Practice Squad                

BREAKFAST CLUB: Schilling ‘Em Softly

 

 

CONGRATULATIONS!!!

 

Let’s take notice, however, of the complete lack of #1 seeds standing tall at the end of the day. Only ONE top seed in the divisions took home the championship, as Gryffindor stood tall in D2/C2 when they defeated Bullet Club. The #3 seeded Marketing Mayors became World Champions after taking the throne away from Public Enemy, breaking the win streak when it mattered the most. #2 seeded Slytherin That End Zone had a crazy double OT win last week, before running the gauntlet and beating Peachy Platoon AND All We Do Is Quinn in back to back games. It wasn’t an easy feat, but SITE are your D3/R1 champions and they EARNED it. The numbers didn’t lie: Puckett All-Stars were a MUCH better team than their #8 seed ranking. And they showed it, defeating the #1 seeded End Game, #3 seeded Uncle Rico’s and finally the #4 seeded Buffalo Solar Solutions in the D4/R2 title game. Great last few weeks for them, proving they’re very dangerous when the whole team shows up. The #2 seed Cunning Stunts met Matty’s Angels in the D5/R3 title game that ended the day and finally the Stunts defeated the Angels like they always knew they could. The last game for the entire session let us put our talented ladies on display for everyone, and it was a fitting end to everything. Finally, in D6/R4 #2 seeded Practice Squad never got to play Jabronies, because Coach Jay and the white hot pAssless Chaps made the finals instead. That’s awesome, and it makes me excited to see their progress come Fall 2019! Practice Squad played great football and took home a much deserved championship!

Congratulations are in order not only for the champions, but for everyone.

 

It’s not a secret that this league was turned upside down a few weeks before the season when we lost our Commissioner Lenny Alba. For a lot of groups, losing someone that means so much to their success can be devastating. But not the TSL. Within hours of the news of Lenny’s passing, the league and its members started coming together almost instantly to make sure that “The Show Must Go On”. Many league members started to step up and volunteer their time and services, and just about everyone in the league had reached out to Topper, Rameer, Joe K, Emily Curry, Val Bernal, anyone on Public Enemy, or whoever else that knew Lenny close to simply say “If there’s ANYTHING you need from us for this league, please let us know ASAP.”.

 

The hole left by the loss of Leonard T. Alba is immeasurable and no matter how many people stepped up to help the TSL out, we’d NEVER be able to fill that void.

 

But damnit, we tried.

 

This season was, from all accounts, fantastic. Save for one little bit of drama, things ran smoothly. General complaining was down 17%. People offering to referee was up 28%. Topper happiness went up 5.7%. Great numbers and metrics, quite frankly. But jokes aside, this was the season that you could SEE the members of the TSL constantly stepping up and taking ownership of their league. People were cleaning up garbage, people were helping with referees, people weren’t trashing the bar or the property. All of that matters.

 

Lenny used to tell me during our long weekly conversations that if he ever DID leave the TSL, he wasn’t sure which way the league would go. He was convinced (as only he can be) that once he was gone, the league would either become a lawless wasteland or everyone else would step up and keep each other honest. Of course he assumed “wild wild west” where people convince Drunk Uncle Topper to let them do whatever they wanted. But if the last 11 weeks have shown us anything, its that it’s becoming the latter.

 

The Topper Sports League has always been the best Co-Ed Social Football league in WNY because of the people. It’s not because we have the most competitive football, or because we play behind a bar. It’s that weekly “awesome family reunion” feeling that we all get as we descend upon the Rose Garden on Saturdays. We are there mostly to see each other and have some fun. Then, occasionally, we play some football for an hour. The relationships we’ve created from this league, for some of us, are life changing. The TSL family is so much more than football, and the more stories I hear of people who met in this league becoming intertwined with each other’s daily “regular” lives keep proving it. In this league, people consistently go from “person I played football against” to “friend that I need to text on a random Thursday to go get a drink and hang out”. People who don’t stay long after their games with the league, need to start, trust me. If you let this league accept you into its fabric, you’ll be rewarded with so many more awesome people in your life. This league gives back and its always accepting new members.

 

And that’s what Lenny always wanted.

 

He’s told me he loves that our league is great football, but he loves even more how it’s a living, breathing organism that proceeds to make us all family. He felt like the glue that held it all together, and in so many ways he truly was exactly that. As soon as we lost him, we all felt that glue missing, and that’s when everyone as a collective stepped up and kept this league chugging along. Every single one of you are the TSL, and we’re ALL the glue that holds this together. We have each other, and we proved that this season by banding together and keeping thing on track “for him”.

 

So, thank you.

 

Thank you to Topper for keeping this thing running smoothly.

 

Thank you to Rameer for busting his ass weekly to Referees lined up for us. Believe me, it’s a lot harder than you think it is.

 

Thank you to Val Bernal for taking all of our pictures.

 

Thank you to every single person that stepped up to ref a game, give some advice when it was needed for league matters, to our Universal Sub List people that played for teams in need, to the people who are writing articles for this website, to anyone that’s ever picked up some empty cans, to anyone who left their car and DIDN’T drive home drunk, to those that drove others home in that scenario, and thank you to just anyone that showed up, played, and left, but didn’t cause a ruckus in doing so.

 

Thank you, from me, to my informants from the league that have regularly called me or emailed me things that are going on with the TSL during the week. Thank you, to those that keep guessing that those same people are The Godfather. We have a running tally between the informants of who gets accused of being Me this season, and it’s fun to see them all get called out. When your main source of information passes away, I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to continue doing this article without him. Lots of people stepped up to make sure that I could, and I’d say it worked out pretty well.

 

Again, if you’re going to tell people in the league that we don’t talk about you enough, just email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Let me know about your players and your team and who’s who. If you can’t go the extra mile to get yourself noticed, maybe you don’t deserve to be talked about?

 

Just a few last things here:

 

First off, THE WINE TOURNAMENT IS AUGUST 3^RD, 2019. It’s incredibly fun to hang out and drink wine all day while playing football in a very unique location. There’s only a few spots left for it so sign up now!!!

 

Secondly, AUGUST 17^TH is the current date for the start of the Fall 2019 season. While it may get bumped to the 24^th, and it isn’t set in stone, prepare as though we’re starting the 17^th. It’s a much quicker turnaround than usual, in an effort to not play our fall championships in the snow.

 

 

The first season of the “New Era” of the TSL is over. While the middle of March brought us to our lowest point, and for a moment, the future of this league felt uncertain and dim, this season has shown us that our future is brighter than ever. We have each other, we got through it together.

 

We’re only six weeks away from the next chapter in TSL history being written. I, for one, can’t wait to see how it’s going to unfold.

 

Be safe this summer. Until then, I’ll be in the cut.

 

Wait, no. I don’t even know where that is.

 

I’m always watching.

 

No, not that either.

 

That’s fine, I don’t need a catchy ending anyway. See you soon TSL Family. Take care of each other.

The Playoff Predictions

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 21 June 2019 22:58

Published: Friday, 21 June 2019 22:58

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 11575

 

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN OF THE TSL UNIVERSE:

 

The race for co-ed football immortality officially begins this weekend. That’s right, it’s the playoffs baby! Everything you’ve done on the field for the last two months? It means nothing. The regular season is just the pre-show for the main event. All you’ve accomplished during it was just for seeding purposes. That’s it. It doesn’t matter how many games you played shorthanded, or had bad weather for, or had B’s Brother in all of his glory on the sidelines distracting you as though you’ve seen an angel and couldn’t look away. As long as you stumbled to this week successful enough to have a game, you’ve done your job.

 

And now the real season begins.

 

This is what you play for. This is why you’re here. This is why you spent all of your offseason constructing the best possible rosters you can and coming up with game plans. Co-ed. Football. Immortality.

 

What happened before this, doesn’t matter. That was for fun. This is business. This is TSL football.

 

Before we get into the playoff games, let’s have a moment of silence and remember the teams that weren’t fortunate enough to get this far:

 

IN MEMORIAM:

 

Full Throttle (1-8) – A rough season for FT, finishing last in D4/R2. They ended up with the 7^th worst offense in the league, and tied for the 7^th worst defense in the league. (Oh you bet I’m ripping off the QB rankings’ awesome stats for this one). Their only win was against Puckett in Week 2. They had some close losses, but not enough to really say a few bounces get them into the playoffs.

 

Cobblestone (2-7) – Cobblestone finished 9^th in D4/R2. They were top 3 in worst defense and offense. It didn’t look great for most of the season. They started off 0-5. But then Darryl’s magic happened. They rattled off two straight wins and got back into playoff contention before losing to GLBS and on the last week, playing Buffalo Solar, they fought valiantly before succumbing to BSS 20-14 and missing the playoffs. The last half of the season should give them hope for the future.

 

HomeTech (2-7) – HomeTech made some strides this season. Besides being perhaps the only team in league history to score 1 point in a game, our friends here played a lot of close games. Of their 7 losses, FOUR of them were by less than a score (2, 2, 3, and 7) and of the 3 other losses, the two blowouts were to the gender teams, and well, everyone was getting blown out by them. There’s a lot of positives here. Their defense is playing well, they just need to work on their offense and they’ll be battling in the playoffs very soon.

 

Vandalay Industries (3-6) – What?!? You’re reading this correctly. Team Topper Jr. is missing the playoffs after finding themselves in that 3-6 shuffle in D5/R3 that had a four way tie for positions 6-9. Due to the weird Topper magic that breaks ties like that that I still don’t understand, we see that VI is on the outside looking in this season. We know who to blame: Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes, who was hand picked by Topper to defeat the Angels for him, instead lost the game and they miss the playoffs now. (The real reason of course, is that the season went downhill when Karissa broke her collarbone, but it’s better to blame NAW Tommy. OMG CALLING HIM ‘NAW TOMMY’ IS GREAT. Did Non-Award-Winning Tommy Hughes win the Best Tommy Hughes award? NAW.) Anyway, it can be argued VI shouldn’t be missing the playoffs with the 13^th best offense in the league, but it seems that 5^th worst defense came to bite them. RIP friends.

 

Well, with those losers out of the way, let’s get to what really matters: The teams in contention to win the championships!

 

D1/C1:

 

To the surprise of absolutely nobody, Public Enemy (9-0) and Eyes Downtown (6-3) got the byes for this week of the playoffs. This might be ED’s worst season record-wise in a long time, but they missed Bobby way too much this season. As for this week’s matchups:

 

Marketing Mayors (6-3) vs 1 Todd Too Many (3-6)

 

Games this season:

Marketing Mayors 54, 1 Todd Too Many 18

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Marketing Mayors: 2^nd on offense, 3rd on defense

1 Todd Too Many: 6^th on offense, 6^th on defense

 

Marketing Mayors are the best team to be playing TSL football this week. Team Topper has rattled off some wins to end the season, and their 3-6 record is nothing to be ashamed of. They showed they can hang in this division, and perhaps next season will be even better if they decide to stay in D1. However, the stats don’t lie here and I’m not sure they’re capable of this kind of upset. MARKETING MAYORS BY 10.

 

#XTC@Angry Buffalo (3-6) vs Tight Ends In Motion (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Tight Ends In Motion 39, #XTC@AB 23

 

Season Divisional Rankings:

#XTC@AB: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

Tight Ends In Motion: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

 

This battle of 3-6 teams isn’t nearly as even as their records suggest. Let’s face it, Tight Ends In Motion completely underperformed this season, and I’m sure there’s some formula somewhere that shows their win total should be around 5. But that’s what happens when you have to play “QB Carousel” for most of the season. Who starts at QB? Seth? Ricky? Alex? There’s growing concern that the latter may still be injured and just trying to ‘power through it’, which isn’t helping anyone. TEIM would be better served to have Seth or Ricky throwing. As for #XTC@AB, they’re playing some much better football in the second half of the season. Remember, this isn’t the same #XTC we’re used to, (they’re still lovely though) as they added a bunch of new players in an attempt to compete. And what of the Coach Jay vs Emily Curry narrative? They need to make a bet on this game. If I’m Coach Jay, my request is that if #XTC wins, Emily has to play with them next season. Imagine how much better #XTC would be with her in the lineup. And I don’t think she’d be against it either. But, for this game, assuming all of the players on each side show up: TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 8

 

D2/C2:

 

After a ridiculous season that saw Title Shot start out hot and had Bullet Club knock them off their pedestal,  we ended the season with Gryffindor (6-3) and A&A (5-4) getting the bye weeks. While some people are quietly complaining that the C1/C2 crossover games decided the divisional bye weeks here, and they’re kind of right, everyone has to play the schedule they’re given. Get tough.

 

Bullet Club (4-5) vs Money Ball (2-6)

 

Games this Season:

Money Ball 34, Bullet Club 23

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Bullet Club: 1^st on offense, 6^th on defense

Money Ball: 5^th on offense, 4^th on defense

 

Money Ball only had two wins in their inaugural season: one against a shorthanded Bullet Club, and another against a shorthanded Title Shot. New teams tend to struggle early on, so this isn’t a shock. MB has a lot of things going for it. Tim Dove’s brain, Radon’s veteran leadership and athleticism, Scott Pinto’s youth and athleticism, Kelly Sabo and Val Bernal’s all around awesomeness, and even their “unknowns” like Tony and Misty are very good football players that need more recognition. Putting it all together is another thing, of course. Bullet Club, as usual, struggled to put their starting roster together for a single game this season (Thanks to the disappearance of Jeff Easton. Seriously, Joe K and Gordon need to go check on him.) They got close to full strength last week, and were promptly power bombed through some tables by Batts and Burr 49-8 last week. BC has talent, and they know the game. Being smart helps them overcome a lack of overall team speed, but Money Ball possesses the right amount of both to give them fits. It’s all going to come down to Travis Clev$ and how well he QBs. If he can avoid the future Mrs. Clev$ sacking him this time around, and makes the plays that are given to him, BC should take this one. If they can’t? Look out for an upset. There’s no way Travis loses to Val twice in a season…right? BULLET CLUB BY 6

 

Energy Buff (3-5) vs Title Shot (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Energy Buff 34, Title Shot 31

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Energy Buff: 4^th on offense, 3^rd on defense

Title Shot: 6^th on offense, 5^th on defense

 

When you look at Title Shot’s roster, you see the 2011 TSL All-Star team. Hell, you may even see the 2017 TSL Hall of Fame class (if we had one). When everyone showed up early in the season, Title Shot was 3-0 and looking like they were going to run away with the division. Since then, attendance issues has submarined a once promising season into a six game losing streak. Everyone has the “if we had all of our guys” questions, but I think Title Shot is the champion of this category. If we see everyone come to play, they should beat Energy Buff. But will they? Energy Buff was my preseason favorite to take the division championship, but some early season struggles derailed that train. However, they’ve been playing much better as of late, and they’re a sneaky “could still win the D2 title” pick. This game is going to be so dependent on who shows for TS though. ENERGY BUFF BY 7 IF NOBODY SHOWS FOR TITLE SHOT, TITLE SHOT BY 10 IF THEY DO.

 

D3/R1:

 

Well, enough with those boring divisions and onto the fun ones. D3/R1 doesn’t have any bye weeks. To win what is arguably TSL’s most interesting and competitive division, you’ll need to win 3 games. Good luck to everyone involved in this mess.

 

All We Do Is Quinn (7-1-1) vs Ultimate Warriors (1-8)

 

Games this Season:

All We Do Is Quinn 31, Ultimate Warriors 25

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

All We Do Is Quinn: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Ultimate Warriors: 7^th on Offense, 8^th on Defense

 

Quinn was the wire to wire leader in the division, and man were they impressive in doing so. Vince Taverna has done his best to become a household name while the usual suspects like Mike Rawdin, Joe Schwab, and Cat Peters have done more than their fair share of the work this season. Quinn is showing the league how it’s supposed to be done. Start in a low division, work together and figure it out for a few years, and then move up together and win. The Ultimate Warriors had a season they just wanted to forget. They DID finally win a game, which is awesome, but it’s the games that they let slip away that will haunt them. However, T, Sam, and company are proven playoff performers who have caused upsets in the past. Ask 3^rd and Schlong. I don’t think they’re going to catch Quinn sleeping though. AWDIQ is on a mission, and it’ll show this week. ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 13

 

Slytherin That End Zone (5-3-1) vs Morning Wood (2-6-1)

 

Games this Season:

Slytherin That End Zone 27, Morning Wood 16

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

SITE: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Morning Wood: 8^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

This is the one team I think SITE did NOT want to see. Morning Wood took SITE to the limit in their last contest, tying 36-36. SITE was one of the league’s hottest teams at the time, as QB Matt Newman was slinging it the only way he knew how. But then, somehow, SITE’s defense fell apart against MW in a game they had to win if they had hopes of winning the division. Clearly, that’s gone now. The problem I have with Morning Wood is that that tie might have been their best shot at a big win this season. Their offense, sadly, is very lacking, and SITE’s defense is very good. I can’t imagine a world where SITE’s defense lets that happen again. I’d expect to see more of the 27-16 game than the 36-36 tie. SLYTHERIN THAT END ZONE BY 9

 

Frodo Swaggins (5-3-1) vs Sticky Bandits (3-4-2)

 

Games this Season:

Sticky Bandits 44, Frodo Swaggins 21

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Frodo Swaggins: 1^st on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Sticky Bandits: 6^th on Offense, 4^th on Defense

 

The 3-4-2 you see next to Sticky Bandits isn’t their soccer defense, no, it’s actually their record this season. Sticky hasn’t been, well, Sticky this season. A big reason has been the injury to QB Alex Buchilis, but Mike Thomas has been reliable as a backup. Something just felt off about Sticky this whole season, and perhaps “real life” got in the way too much this time around. Things like marriages, injuries, vacations, etc. kept Sticky bringing a different roster each week. Hell, even Jeff Krol missed a game, which was once thought to be one of the signs of the Apocalypse…the jury is still out on if it was or not. Garrett Beesing was overheard this week saying that the one team Frodo didn’t want to face was Sticky. While the teams have gone opposite directions since the 44-21 Sticky win early in the season, Garrett knows just how good the Bandits can be when they’re at full strength. They’re one of the smartest teams in all of co-ed football, just this season seemed to be more of a problem with execution than knowing what to do. Swaggins has been one of the league’s hottest teams as QB Scotty Drosendahl (We learned a new name!) has been lights out. Beesing is reclaiming past glories as he hobbles into the twilight of his career. Josh Schnieder is still the best TSL player you don’t know about. And it really seems like the trade at the deadline for Emily Schilling was the right move. Don’t sleep on Sarah Hunt though. Maybe I’m a softee for one of the league’s longer tenured teams, but this is the upset people will be talking about at the bar this week. Thing is, it really isn’t an upset at all. STICKY BANDITS BY 4

 

Peachy Platoon (5-4) vs 3^rd And Schlong (4-3-2)

 

Games this Season:

3^rd And Schlong 36, Peachy Platoon 34

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

3^rd and Schlong: 4^th on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Peachy Platoon: 5^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

This is one hell of a 4-5 matchup, and it might the one to watch all day. These teams are very evenly matched, as the rankings show, and even the game they played shows too. 3AS did have the luck to play Peachy after they already played a game, so we’ll have to see how a fresh Platoon fares against them this time around. 3^rd and Schlong was thought to be rocketing up the league’s divisions, but it appears the D3/R1 is the correct home for them. As much as we love Scott Sr, it’s seeming like this is as far as that magical, 83 year old arm can take 3AS. Both teams are going to score, but honestly it feels like Dean Thompson can pull off one more score to take this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 1

 

D4/R2:

 

This division was pretty much all End Game this season. Uncle Rico’s was the “hot thing” for a minute before No Punt Intended put out that fire (more on that in a minute). The bottom of the standings was exciting for the last few weeks, as Puckett, Cobblestone, and Full Throttle all battled to get in. Lots of fun matchups for the first week here.

 

End Game (8-1) vs Puckett All-Stars (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

End Game 41, Puckett All-Stars 37

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

End Game: 1^st on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Puckett All-Stars: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

The seasonal ranks for Puckett tell me that they’ve been the recipients of some really bad luck this season. They’re much better than your average 8^th seed, that’s for sure. Puckett really brought End Game to the limit last time around, and unfortunately for them, it’s made End Game more aware of them this time. End Game has been just so good this season that they’ll be in D3 next year regardless of how the playoffs go for them. Losing Emily meant nothing to them, and Steph Czaja and Co easily replaced her. I hear they have good guys too. They have the best defense in the entire league, and the 7^th best offense. They just dominated, and they should continue that this weekend. END GAME BY 6

 

GLBS (6-3) vs Indecent Exposure (4-5)

 

Games this Season:

GLBS 35, Indecent Exposure 12

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

GLBS: 7^th on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Indecent Exposure: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

More than just 2 games really separate these teams. GLBS burst onto the scene, led by Glenn Bird and Rachel Parker. While this team struggles a bit still to score tons on offense, their defense is incredible and hard to beat. Indecent Exposure has had a season I’d bet they’d like to forget. A sub .500 record and a few tough losses just isn’t what we’ve been accustomed to seeing from them. Captain Laura needs to get the squad focused as we head into the playoffs. Sadly for IE, I see a bit of a replay of the regular season matchup here. GLBS BY 10

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (6-3) vs No Punt Intended (5-4)

 

Games this Season:

No Punt Intended 50, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 43

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Uncle Rico’s: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

No Punt Intended: 6^th on Offense, 8^th on Defense

 

If you weren’t paying attention this season, you missed Uncle Rico’s start self-promoting themselves a bit, only to have the game against NPI in hand before getting cocky and not running the clock down. What happened was one of TSL’s biggest last second mistakes, as URTT threw an interception with time running out, and NPI won as the clock was expiring. We haven’t heard much from Uncle Rico’s since that day. Rumor is that Jon Senn put his team on a hush order so that they wouldn’t jinx themselves anymore. NPI has been up and down all season, which is never a good recipe for playoff success. To be honest, Uncle Rico’s is most likely out for blood, and to right the wrongs of their past. This is a BIG game for them, and while NPI may be game for this one as well, look for Uncle Rico’s to finish what they started a few weeks ago. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 3

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions (5-4) vs Hung Buffalo (5-4)

 

Games this Season:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Buffalo Solar Solutions: 2^nd on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Hung Buffalo: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

Both of these teams have had interesting seasons. Buffalo Solar Solutions was one of my picks to win the division in the preseason, and for a time, they made me look brilliant. And then, they didn’t. But, they got it together before the end of the season. Hung Buffalo meanwhile started a little slow but came on very strong before the wheels fell off. These two teams just met in Week 7, and I don’t think too much has changed for either squad. Hung Buffalo has put up single digit points in 3 of their last 4 games, and I don’t think their defense is as good as the numbers say. This will be closer than last time, but I predict: BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 10

 

D5/R3:

 

Gender teams rule. We know this. Matty’s Angels murdered the division. Cunning Stunts were extremely good as well. Ugandan Warriors are very good as well. These teams are all above the rest in the division. The rest of the teams saw the middle tier stay in the middle (Come From Behind and Pink Pteratacos) and then after that it was bedlam the last couple of weeks. Let’s look at the matchups:

 

Matty’s Angels (9-0) vs Five Star Generals (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Matty’s Angels 54, Five Star Generals 46

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Matty’s Angels: 1^st on Offense (and in the Universe), 9^th on Defense

Five Star Generals: 5^th on Offense, 10^th on Defense

 

Not too long after looking like perhaps the worst team in the division the Generals earned a playoff spot. Their reward is the wrecking ball that is Matty’s Angels, who may have set scoring records if we really paid attention to that sort of thing. The knock on the Angels this whole season has been just how horrible their defense has been. They allow the third most points in the entire league, but there’s a problem for Five Star here. The only two teams worse than Matty’s Angels at defense are Cobblestone and, well, the Five Star Generals. What happens when the greatest offense takes on the worst defense? Well, we’ve all seen the Buffalo Bills play the New England Patriots right? Five Star hung close last time, but I’m not entirely sure they can run with the girls again. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 14

 

Cunning Stunts (7-2) vs Hope N Ruin (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Cunning Stunts 43, Hope N Ruin 26

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Cunning Stunts: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Hope N Ruin: 6^th on Offense, 7^th on Defense

 

Tell me if you’ve heard of this scenario before: Hope N Ruin has to play a gender team in the playoffs. Just about everyone assumes the gender team will smack HNR around. Hope N Ruin beats that gender team and ruins everyone’s gambling parlays that week. I never know how to properly gauge scenarios like this. Everything says the Stunts should win: they’ve already beaten HNR. They have a QB in Joey Batts that, for real, is one of the hottest in the TSL as of late. They’re much better than HNR on offense AND defense. And yet, this game is a toss up. It’s hard to defeat trends and history. If I were betting, I wouldn’t touch this one at all. HOPE N RUIN BY 2

 

Ugandan Warriors (6-3) vs Over Compensators (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

Ugandan Warriors 33, Over Compensators 7

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Ugandan Warriors: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Over Compensators: 9^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

Blasé LaDuca has sadly become the “little brother” to the gender teams. Sure, he wishes he could be like his big brothers Matt and Joey, but he’s just not quite there yet. Ugandan hasn’t really lost a step all season, and they deserve a lot more credit than they’re getting for how they played this season. Drama aside, they’ve put together a defense that can stop just about everyone. The Over Compensators aren’t exactly playing the role of “happy to be here”, but I think even they are a little surprised that they ended up as the 6^th seed. While they aren’t too bad on defense, it’s the offense that’s their problem. They’re 9^th in the division on offense (they have the 11^th worst offense in the league) and they’re going up against the best defense in the division (Top 5 in the league). I can’t see a way that the OC can score enough to take this one from the Warriors. UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 14

 

Come From Behind (5-4) vs Pink Pteratacos (4-5)

 

Games this Season:

Come From Behind 24, Pink Pteratacos 14

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Come From Behind: 7^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

Pink Pteratacos: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

Another 4-5 matchup that has two teams that are very closely matched with each other. Come From Behind has been hot lately. They only lost to the Angels by 5, and they beat Ugandan last week. Not to mention they just defeated the Pteratacos in Week 6. The Pteratacos, meanwhile, have been on a 4 game losing streak to end the season after starting it with such promise (they were 4-1 at one point). Mark needs to get his head out of wedding planning, and back into game planning it seems. I’m going to play the trends here though, and I think we’ll see a close game, but COME FROM BEHIND BY 1

 

D6/R4:

 

Nothing shocking here. Jabronies and Practice Squad were the class of this division, and they both took home the bye weeks. Shout out to The Bambs, who were nice enough to accommodate The Bi-Polar Express and agree to play this week’s game at 9:00am next week. Sportsmanship! That means we only have one game this week.

 

TMA (4-4-1) vs pAssless Chaps (3-6)

 

Games this Season:

TMA 37, pAssless Chaps 9

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

TMA: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

pAssless Chaps: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

 

TMA didn’t have their best season. A lot of inconsistencies on both sides of the ball, a lack of Ron, and not enough Ferger at WR may have made this season one to forget. But there were some good times for sure, and one of those times was the Week 3 37-9 victory against the Chaps where everything went right, the moonshine was flowing, and everyone was happy. Well, looks like the Chaps may be the cure for what ails TMA. Except that Coach Jay and Company have been quietly playing some good football lately, including a win against Practice Squad. TMA is on the downswing and the Chaps are on the upswing, and I think this game is going to be closer than anyone realizes. But I DO expect the entire TMA roster to be there, and when they are, they’re tough to beat. I don’t forsee the Chaps pulling this out, but they’re making a lot of progress, just as Coach Jay wanted. TMA BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      Who is going to get banned from the bar first? We ask you guys nicely, again and again, not to bring your own alcohol to the fields and yet you still do it. Look, we understand that the bar doesn’t hook us up like they used to when Second Shift Dave Walter was there, but if the bar bans you from the premises WE CAN’T DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Don’t be stupid.

 

2.      Will we see overtime? As you all know, the TSL doesn’t have OT in the regular season, we just end in a tie. BUT IN THE PLAYOFFS, we definitely do, and it’ll be awesome to see if those rules have to come into effect or not. The refs have been briefed on the rules, and if you have any questions please go find Rameer and ask him.

 

3.      Which high seed will fall this week? The TSL playoffs almost NEVER go “chalk”, and this year feels like no exception. Some prime candidates: #6 Sticky Bandits beating #3 Frodo Swaggins, #6 Money Ball beating #3 Bullet Club, #6 No Punt Intended beating #3 Uncle Rico’s, and #7 Hope N Ruin beating #2 Cunning Stunts, and #8 Puckett All-Stars over #1 End Game. Bad time to be a 3 seed.

 

4.      What will be the popular excuse for losing teams? As of now the weather looks like it’s going to be 71 degrees and sunny! Not much wind, so can’t blame that. It’s the playoffs so you better have your horses there. Refereeing? Probably. Yeah, that will be the one. Seriously, if you lose, own your loss and don’t blame anyone else.

 

5.      What are you doing after the games? This is serious. Topper is a great human being (sort of) and he’s skating in the 11 Day Power Play this year. He’s playing from like midnight until 3am one of these days, so we won’t be able to watch him get hurt. But there IS a happy hour to raise money his team this Saturday from 5:00-7:00pm at the Lockhouse Distillery. Its FREE to go there, and there should be some really cool raffle prizes. Go support the man that just bought you a damn ice cream truck for a day. Ingrates.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

1.      Lenny Day has come and gone. By all accounts, it was an awesome time. Everyone was smiling, we saw some familiar faces show up, and ice cream was had. The only thing that could’ve made it better was 40 Year Plan Guy and Katie Keller getting married on Field 1 (even to pretend) while Topper was the priest. Lenny would’ve wanted that, but Katie was too selfish to make it happen.

 

 

2.      Breakfast Club Semi-Finals (TOPPER’S ODD YEAR REIGN HAS ENDED!): Hot TaMolly’s 36 – Bern Them All 22, Schilling ‘Em Softly 27 – EmC HammerTime 20.

 

3.      The People are clamoring for the TSL podcast to make it’s glorious return. From what my insiders say, it’s actually going to happen starting next season. Look out world!

 

4.      I really hope that we take this season and use it to make the divisions in the Fall. There were a few teams that were out of place and need to move up and others that need to move down. We’ll be constantly tweaking the divisions for sure. If you win your division, you’re going up.

 

 

5.      Speaking of next season, with the earlier start (We’re starting in August this time instead of waiting too long in order to avoid snow games in November), there’s a chance that we may see Breakfast Club (Or perhaps Dinner Club) make its Fall debut.

 

6.      Another engagement! Congrats to Ben Stack and Kate Miano of Energy Buff on their recent engagement. That’s super awesome, and it seems they got a puppy out of the deal too.  If you want to get married on the fields with B’s Brother or Topper officiating, we can make it happen.

 

7.      I’d like to really thank The Rant, The Sentinel, and especially the QB Power Rankings for everything they’ve done this season. It was again, awesome, what they’ve brought to this league this season. I know I’ve done it before, but they deserve to hear it again.

 

 

8.      Every game is “must watch” in the playoffs, but here’s the places to be each hour:

a.      10:00 – Field 2 - #3 Bullet Club vs #6 Money Ball

b.      11:00 – Field 1 - #3 Frodo Swaggins vs #6 Sticky Bandits

c.       12:00 – Field 1 - #4 #XTC@AB vs #5 Tight Ends In Motion

d.      1:00 – Field 2 - #4 Peachy Platoon vs #5 3^rd And Schlong

e.      2:00 – Field 1 - #1 Matty’s Angels vs #8 Five Star Generals

 

9.      Thank you to all of you that took the time out this season to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. this season. It really helped a ton with knowing who the hell some of these new players are.

 

10.   This is very simple. You worked hard all season to get to this point. Play hard, but play clean. Don’t throw a fit. Don’t blame anyone if you lose. Hold yourself accountable. But above all else: have fun.

 

 

And of course, don’t forget to wear your sunscreen. Go get ‘em.

The Spring 2019 Final Predictions, and some Thoughts, Insights and usual banter

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Thursday, 27 June 2019 21:02

Published: Thursday, 27 June 2019 21:02

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 12100

 

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday June 29^th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019 the race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality will finally come to an exciting end for the Spring 2019 session. We made it. We got this far together and now the finish line to this race is within sight. Our 25 remaining teams have survived the season, and the dangers of the First Round of the Playoffs (with the exception of The Bambs and the Bi-Polar Express, who moved their game from last week to this week. Smart.) to make it to this point. These teams have made it through the trials and tribulations that one can, and usually does, experience in the average season of the TSL. Who will stand tall and forever etch their name into the history books as Spring 2019 champions?

 

Before we get into that, let’s take a look at the fallen and say our final goodbyes:

 

D1/C1:

 

1 Todd Too Many – A 31-16 loss to the Marketing Mayors did in Team Topper. They made the jump to D1 when nobody else would, and they should be respected for it. Word is they’re staying in D1, and that’s awesome to hear that not everyone is afraid (Hi Jeremy Burr!).

 

#XTC@Angry Buffalo – They lost 36-28 to Tight Ends In Motion. Once Sooch started to click with his team this season, they were completely different, and should be proud of the steps forward that were taken.

 

D2/C2:

 

Money Ball – A 46-18 defeat at the hands of Bullet Club left them with more questions than answers at the end of a frustrating season. New teams usually tend to work through some growing pains. Hopefully they stick around to give it another go.

 

Title Shot – A 42-22 loss to Energy Buff put a big bow on a 7 game losing streak. Once 3-0 and thought to be contenders for the title, roster issues plagued them all season. When everyone actually showed up, they were deadly. Need to get that commitment from everyone though.

 

D3/R1:

 

Ultimate Warriors – Lost to All We Do Is Quinn 37-21. A frustrating season for sure. The hope of course is that Sam and T will retool in the offseason and come back better than ever in the fall. Could they even come back with somehow cooler jerseys?

 

Frodo Swaggins – A 45-30 defeat at the hands of Sticky Bandits. As I said last week, Captain Beesing declared that he didn’t want to face Sticky and this is why. Even with the Bandits missing a few key players, they reminded everyone just why they’ve been so good for the last decade. Frodo has tons of upside, and Scotty D is the next big thing in the TSL. Looking forward to seeing them in the Fall.

 

Morning Wood – Double overtime! A 34-32 loss to Slytherin ended the hopes of MW, who truly came to play last week. They have nothing to hang their heads at, except for Mo, who was too busy galivanting instead of being there for his team. We’ll let Dave slide because the girls of the league told me I had to.

 

3^rd and Schlong – lost 46-16 to the Peachy Platoon. Perhaps we’ve reached their ceiling. Perhaps they needed Kevin Keller all along. Perhaps that cadaver of a quarterback they’ve been using is finally ready to fall apart. Katherine Keller has lost her smile and just doesn’t seem to care anymore. Bootz is fielding offers from other teams. And 40 Year Plan Guy is still talking smack to any other team within earshot about how 3AS could beat the 1993 Dallas Cowboys. They need to get it together. We hope they will.

 

D4/R2:

 

End Game – Rest in Peace. Lost to Puckett All-Stars 35-16. We’ve seen it before, the best team in the division has their worst game at the worst time. Props to John Von however. Topper showed me the email John sent to the league, and it was very gracious, thanking everyone for their hard work. It took all season, but I finally learned someone’s name on this team. See you next season.

 

No Punt Intended – Lost to Uncle Rico’s 42-33 in a hard fought game. They came close to upsetting Uncle Rico’s again, but this time UR did the late score to win the game thing. They had a lot of ups and downs this season, but I think they’re inching closer to the ups.

 

Hung Buffalo – A 30-25 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions finished off everyone’s favorite team that wears brown. They’ve been a mainstay in this league for some time, so we better see them in the Fall.

 

GLBS – a 27-21 loss to Indecent Exposure is nothing to hang your heads at. You’ve got a great defense, and you lost your QB midseason. Yet you still ended up 2^nd in your division. You’re only going to get better. D4 needs to be on notice.

 

D5/R3:

 

Five Star Generals – Running into the freight train that is the Angels (lost 45-22) is never fun in the playoffs. You ended the season starting to get it all together, keep that going. Good luck!

 

Hope N Ruin – They almost pulled off upsetting the Stunts before succumbing to them 51-42. I told you to look out for these guys, they’re just a different team in the playoffs. It wasn’t their year, but next season very easily could be.

 

Come From Behind – a 39-22 loss to the Pteratacos ended a pretty good season. One of the leagues’ favorite teams, it’s a shame we won’t see them play Saturday, but hopefully they can still show up and drink with everyone. (I’m looking at YOU Molly and Leslie).

 

Over Compensators – Lost on the last play of the game to the Ugandan Warriors 24-19. They truly pushing Ugandan to their limit and played a great game. They had a hell of a run to end the season, and there’s a lot to build on here. Keep your heads high.

 

D6/R4:

 

TMA – a 47-14 beating from the pAssless Chaps ended what turned out to be just a rough season from our heroes. Sometimes things just don’t go right all year, and that’s kind of what we saw from this squad. Its just an anomaly though, and they’re going to be back better than ever, I can feel it.

 

 

And there you have it. The long list of TSL failures across all of our divisions. Its tough to read about the loss of some our friends like we did above. It’s almost like seeing all of the frozen bodies on the way to reaching the summit of Mt. Everest. Not everyone can reach their goal. But on Saturday, 6 teams will. Who will those teams be? Let’s try to figure this out.

 

D1/C1:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

Public Enemy 2-1

Eyes Downtown 3-1

Marketing Mayors 4-1

Tight Ends in Motion 12-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Public Enemy: 1^st on Offense, 4^th on Defense

Eyes Downtown: 4^th on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Marketing Mayors: 2^nd on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Tight Ends In Motion: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

 

It appears we have the four best teams remaining in this division. Public Enemy’s record setting winning streak is on the line against Tight Ends, who have finally figured out “Oh damn Seth really SHOULD be our quarterback”. I’m assuming they’re going to send Seth scented body lotions and fruit baskets to make sure that he shows up this week. I can’t imagine a world where TEIM beats PE with Alex or even Ricky at QB. Marketing Mayors get another crack at Eyes Downtown in what should be another amazing game. These two teams just met and ED won 33-32, so expect more of the same. If you’re not playing at 10:00, go watch this game.

 

PREDICTION: Public Enemy meets Marketing Mayors for the championship. In a hard fought game, Public Enemy uses the power of Lenny (who more than likely has crazy ghost powers he’s just figuring out how to use now) to overcome and keep the streak alive. It’s hard for me to bet against the team that hasn’t lost in a long time and has such a powerful reason to play for right now.

 

 

D2/C2:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Gryffindor 3-1

Bullet Club 6-1

A&A 7-1

Energy Buff 10-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Gryffindor: 2^nd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

A&A: 3^rd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Bullet Club: 1^st on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Energy Buff: 4^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

I still have no idea which teams will win these games. Gryffindor is the hot team right now, for sure, but how will a week off treat them? Luckily for them, I’m hearing that Energy Buff is going to have some attendance issues this week. Allegedly, so is A&A. Gryffindor has beating Bullet Club twice, but lost to A&A and Energy Buff. A&A was 2-1 against EB this season. Bullet Club beat A&A and Energy Buff. This division is VERY close. The one rank that stands out is Bullet Club’s 6^th on Defense, the only ranking that wasn’t “Top 4”. That could end up being the issue for them this week. Not to mention that when we rekindle the Matty Ice and Gordon Kus friendship and unity festival this week on Field 4 (there’s a reason Topper is keeping them away from everyone else) anything can happen. The last time A&A met Bullet Club in the playoffs, they beat them like 50 something to 16.

 

PREDICTION: Gryffindor gets by a depleted Energy Buff and meets Bullet Club in the finals, setting up a rematch of the 49-8 whomping from two weeks ago. Considering how Gryffindor has dominated BC for 3 of the 4 halves they played this season expect Gryffindor to pull it out, and for everyone in the league to have to hear about it.

 

 

D3/R1:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

All We Do Is Quinn 4-1

Slytherin That End Zone 6-1

Peachy Platoon 6-1

Sticky Bandits 9-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

AWDIQ: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

SITE: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Peachy Platoon: 5^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Sticky Bandits: 6^th on Offense, 4^th on Defense

 

Defense. Wins. Championships. Or so it’ll seem here, as all 4 of the Top defenses in the division remain here. Quinn has been the clubhouse leader in the division since the first tee, and they show no signs of slowing down. They take on Sticky, who dismantled Frodo Swaggins last week and shouldn’t be taken lightly. Quinn definitely has the athletic advantage on Sticky like Frodo did, but Sticky was able to easily outsmart Swaggins. That won’t be as easy here against Quinn. Slytherin had to slide by Morning Wood in double OT last week. Either some holes in their armor have been discovered, or Morning Wood just knows how to play them. They play a Peachy team that has been waiting to get a bit of revenge after SITE’s week 1 win against them. Lots of great games to be had here.

 

PREDICTION: The speed of Quinn proves too much for the Sticky Bandits and Peachy Platoon gets their revenge on Slytherin That End Zone to set up All We Do Is Quinn vs Peachy Platoon II. This game will be a barnburner yet again, and when the smoke clears I think we’ll see Quinn standing tall.

 

D4/R2:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 5-1

Buffalo Solar Solutions 7-1

Indecent Exposure 9-1

Puckett All-Stars 9-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Uncle Rico’s: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

Buffalo Solar: 2^nd on Offense, 7^th on Defense

Indecent Exposure: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

Puckett All-Stars: 5^th on Offense, 5^th on Defense

 

Literally anything can happen in the insanity that is D4/R2! We have our #3, #4, #7, and #8 seeds remaining in the playoffs. You would think that may bode well for Uncle Rico’s, as having GLBS and End Game kicked out of the playoffs should give them an upper hand, but it doesn’t. They get to play Puckett All-Stars who just showed how good they can be at the right time. Buffalo Solar got by Hung Buffalo in a close game, and they’re looking a lot more like the team that led the division in the beginning of the year. Indecent Exposure put together a great game that we knew they were capable of and they can’t be counted out either. I wouldn’t place a bet on this division at all!

 

PREDICTION: Puckett All-Stars get their second upset of the playoffs, knocking out Uncle Rico’s as well. They’ll meet Buffalo Solar Solutions, who will get by Indecent Exposure. In a game very similar to their Week 8 contest where Puckett won 36-30, we’ll see the 8^th seeded Puckett All-Stars walk away with the title. A fitting end to a crazy division.

 

D5/R3:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Matty’s Angels 2-1

Cunning Stunts 4-1

Ugandan Warriors 7-1

Pink Pteratacos 15-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Matty’s Angels: 1^st on Offense, 9^th on Defense  

Cunning Stunts: 2^nd of Offense, 2^nd on Defense

Ugandan Warriors: 3^rd on Offense, 1^st on Defense

Pink Pteratacos: 8^th on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

 

No disrespect meant to the Pink Pteratacos, who have had a great season so far, but this division has always been a three-team race. Okay, it’s been a one team race, and two teams that have a chance to stop it. I can’t imagine a world where they upset the Angels. The Stunts are tired of playing second fiddle to the Angels, but they haven’t shown they can beat them yet. Ugandan is sick of gender teams and they have their eyes on the title as well, but last week’s almost slip up makes me wonder if they’re ready.

 

PREDICTION: Matty’s cruises by the Pteratacos to meet the Cunning Stunts in the gender team finals we all want to see. Ugandan will put up a good fight along the way, but this season has just been about the girls in this division. Matty’s has shown they have the advantage against the Stunts before, and I think we’ll be seeing the Angels poppin’ bottles once again.

 

D6/R4:

 

Odds To Win The Title:

 

Jabronies 3-1

Practice Squad 4-1

pAssless Chaps 10-1

The Bambs 15-1

The Bi-Polar Express 15-1

 

Season Divisional Ranks:

Jabronies: 1^st on Offense, 3^rd on Defense

Practice Squad: 2^nd on Offense, 2^nd on Defense

pAssless Chaps: 4^th on Offense, 6^th on Defense

The Bambs: 3^rd on Offense, 4^th on Defense

The Bi-Polar Express: 6^th on Offense, 1^st on Defense

 

Well, this division is all over the place. First things first, The Bambs and The Bi-Polar Express didn’t play last week, so they’ll essentially play a “play in” game this week. That means if either team were to win the championship, they’d have to win 3 straight games to do so. Neither one of them are really up to that challenge, so I wouldn’t worry about it. But, I’ve been wrong before. The pAssless Chaps might just be the hottest team in D6/R4 that’s peaking at the right time. They’ve recently beaten Practice Squad, and just dominated in their playoff win last week. They’re officially “a tough out” for this playoff run. The entire season has been about the Jabronies and Practice Squad, and this seems to be no different. They’ve been the class of the division this season, and both should  be playing in D5 next session.

 

PREDICTION: The Bi-Polar Express moves on in the play in game, but that’s all they’ll get from that. Jabronies and Practice Squad have been on a collision course since the beginning, and neither of them disappoint as both teams make the final. I’m picking Practice Squad to “win one for Kenny” and take home the coveted D6/R4 title.

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How many people will show up for the season’s last day? Historically, a bunch of eliminated TSLers still come out to the fields to watch the finals and celebrate the end of another great season.

 

2.      Will the weather be okay? Sadly, we’ve experienced the worst kind of weather at time for our championship games the last few years, and its allegedly supposed to rain a little bit on you guys in Buffalo.

 

 

3.      Will we get one last wheel spin? We should end the season on a high note with one final spin. Also, I think Boccio has to “stay sober” on the last day of the season as his punishment. It’s what Lenny would’ve wanted.

 

4.      Who likes wine? The wine tournament is almost full! GET YOUR SPOTS NOW!

 

 

5.      Who wants to join the party planning committee? There needs to be a group of TSLers that set up events and excursions during the offseason. If you’re interested, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY

 

1.      Hot TaMolly’s 34, Schilling Them Softly 30 in the Breakfast Club final. Both teams have played excellently this season, and their only game against each other was this year’s best BC game.

2.      Not to toot my own horn too much, but my predicted champions for the season in Week 1 were: Public Enemy, Gryffindor, Sticky Bandits, Buffalo Solar Solutions, Cunning Stunts, and The Bambs. ALL of them are still alive. I’m betting I’ll go 3-3 with these this weekend.

 

3.      If you’re potentially going to play a team that wears the same color as you, just be smart and bring white jerseys as a fail safe. We don’t have time for this “Oh man can you guys change instead?” nonsense.

 

 

4.      Tensions will be high this week. Everyone knows this ahead of time. RESPECT THE REFEREES, THE FIELDS, AND THE BAR. I know how hard losing can be on someone, but DON’T BE THAT GUY, OR GIRL.

 

5.      Call back part two: my Week 1 article had the following as “lowest odds” heading into the season: Public Enemy 2-1, Energy Buff 3-1, Sticky Bandits 3-1, Puckett All-Stars 4-1, Matty’s Angels 3-1, and Everyone 6-1. That’s right, every single one of my picks then are STILL ALIVE AS WELL. Okay, I picked “everyone” in D6, but whatever. Still counts.

 

 

6.      Best games to watch:

a.      10:00 – Marketing Mayors vs Eyes Downtown

b.      11:00 – Standing between Fields 1+2 for the title games

c.       12:00 – Uncle Rico’s vs Puckett All-Stars

d.      1:00 – Standing between Fields 1+2 for the title games

e.      2:00 – Cunning Stunts vs Ugandan Warriors

f.        3:00 – The D5/R3 Title game.

 

7.      Thanks again to those of you that came out to Uncle Topper’s fundraiser last week. It was super appreciated by him!

 

8.      The champions that will probably happen, even though I didn’t pick them above: Marketing Mayors, A&A, Sticky Bandits, Uncle Rico’s, Ugandan Warriors, and Jabronies.

 

 

9.      Word is the podcast is coming back for the fall with Joe K! I think Topper is going to get him a podcast email (or give him the one Lenny used to use) as a way to help him get some guests!

 

10.   A special apology goes out to Josh Thompson of Peachy Platoon this week. In Week 5, he sent me an awesome email that somehow went to my spam folder and I’ve just recently seen it. I didn’t want him to think I was ignoring him. The information I get from teams about their players is invaluable to me, so I’m sorry Josh. Good luck this week!

 

 

We’re a few days away from one of the hardest sessions we’ve ever had to go through as a TSL family. Let’s make sure we send this one out with a bang. Have fun. Be Safe. Wear Sunscreen. We miss you Lenny.

Week 8 -Lenny Alba Appreciation Week

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Category: The Godfather's Picks

Created: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Published: Friday, 14 June 2019 12:54

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7441

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe!

 

On this Saturday, June 15th, in the Year of Our Lord 2019, The Topper Sports League will be holding one of its most important events it has ever thrown.

 

Lenny Alba Appreciation Day!

 

The fun starts on Friday Night, at the Vue Rooftop Lounge on top of the Curtiss Hotel. ALL OF YOU are invited to join Topper, Rameer, and other assorted TSL celebrities as we toast our beloved Commissioner. Be there at 7:30!

 

Then on Saturday, we’ll have the celebration at the fields. When talking to Topper about it this week, he said he thought to himself “What would Lenny do?”. Sadly, it wasn’t feasible to have a B’s Brother Burning Man on Field 5, and Cirque De Soleil doesn’t do private shows. However, we DO have an ice cream truck with free ice cream, some wheel spins, the burgers and dogs will be available for purchase, the Dunk Tank will make its appearance, and maybe a surprise or two.

 

I’m not here to talk about anything football related in the intro. Because, in the grand scheme of things, the rest pales in comparison to the importance that comes with Lenny Day. The man lived and breathed this league. He loved every single one of us. He took anyone members of this league considered “a villain” and went out of his way to talk to that person and find the good in them. He believed in all of us. Yeah, he may have gotten upset with certain people at times, but he’d move on from it faster than anyone else in history. Lenny appreciated YOU and this league more than any of us ever could. Now all of you need to show up to appreciate the hell out of him. Why? Because none of us are here, every Saturday, in the league that we love, meeting our friends that have become family, having a blast, meeting our future spouses, mothers/fathers of our children, or anything else if it wasn’t for Lenny Alba. Be there.

 

The league has been fun, as it always is, but we all know that it’s been missing something. Let’s go celebrate him.

 

LTA#56. We love you. We miss you. Forever in our hearts.

 

With that said, holy crap it’s Week 8. Playoff spots are secure, positioning is not, bye weeks are up for grabs, and there’s some more crossover games! Let’s take a look!

 

C1/C2 Crossovers

 

Last Week’s Games:

Public Enemy 36, Bullet Club 30

Marketing Mayors 32, Money Ball 6

1 Todd Too Many 37, Energy Buff 16

A&A 37, Tight Ends In Motion 31

Eyes Downtown 21, Title Shot 0

Gryffindor 30, #XTC@Angry Buffalo 28

 

So first off, I was right. TWO victories for the D2C2 Squads! Thanks Matty Ice and Joey Batts! A&A received the good fortune of having TEIM struggle through its most recent QB issue (the ‘Seth Signal’ has been shining brightly in the sky to no avail) and Joey Batts took one of the hotter teams in the league and took out an #XTC@AB team that’s had its own struggles. No struggles for Team Topper though, as they disposed of Energy Buff rather easily, though EB was missing a QB as well I believe. The Mayors slapped around Money Ball, and Eyes Downtown won in a forfeit. Bullet Club tried its best to break the streak but found themselves in a 16 point deficit early on in the game. Despite a much better second half, they came up short.

 

We have another week of fun crossovers as well! Let’s see if there’s more upsets waiting out there for us.

 

Public Enemy vs A&A – Matty Ice is next up for potential “streak breakers”. He already owns one of the two D2/C2 wins this season, and if he could beat Public Enemy, we may never hear the end of it. This game should be lots of fun, and if we’re lucky, I’ll be able to hear the smack talk from Des Moines. Moderate Chance for the D2/C2 upset.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Gryffindor – Bobby vs Joey. We’re really getting some excellent QB matchups here. This is like Sting vs Stone Cold Steve Austin, but if it actually happened in 1998. Gryffindor slid by #XTC and ED didn’t even have to play their crossover game last week. Both teams need a win for getting bye weeks in their division. This should be a fun one. Low chance for a D2/C2 upset.

 

Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club – This is like when NFL teams fighting for playoff positioning play at the same time. Marketing Mayors are battling Eyes Downtown for their bye, and Bullet Club is battling Gryffindor for theirs. They all play each other at 11:00. Brilliant work Topper!! BC lost to Public Enemy last week without their stud Chad Griffin, who is allegedly going to be in attendance this weekend. The Mayors had zero problem with Money Ball and lost to ED by a point last week. This is another game that should be pretty close. Moderate chance at the D2/C2 upset.

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff – This matchup should come down to who’s throwing for who here. Both teams lost last week but had QB issues. I’m not sure what to think of EB anymore this season. They’ve been so inconsistent. I’d like to think the Tight Ends’ defense can hold them. Low Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

1 Todd Too Many vs Money Ball – Team Topper is back baby! 1TTM gets back on the winning side of things, and they look to “prey” upon Money Ball this week, who looked all sorts of out of it against the Marketing Mayors. Now, 1 Todd isn’t exactly MM, but they’ve got to be feeling good, and they’ll be wearing their Lenny shirts on Lenny Day. Which means Lenny will most likely have Topper lose in comical fashion. Moderate Chance of a D2/C2 upset.

 

#XTC@ Angry Buffalo vs Title Shot – I don’t even know if Title Shot is going to show up for this one. What a fall from grace they’ve had this season. #XTC has been much better as Sooch finds his rhythm. When you’re chock full of handsome people like Joe Russell and Eric Stegmeier, you need to play as good as you look. This could be a good one if both teams are at full strength. Moderate chance at a D2/C2 upset.

 

I’m not claiming a number of wins for this one. If I had to pick two: Bullet Club and Energy Buff. But I wouldn’t bet on it.

 

D1/C1

 

Last Week’s Games:

Eyes Downtown 33, Marketing Mayors 32

 

Only one game on the docket, but it mattered for the playoffs. A one point win put ED in the driver’s seat for second place and a first round bye.

 

Playoff time! Here’s what we know: Public Enemy is first place and getting the bye. Currently, Marketing Mayors and Eyes Downtown both have 15 points and are tied for the bye, but ED has a game in hand and the head to head victory. As for the rest of the division, they’re all tied. TEIM has a game in hand on #XTC@AB and Team Topper. Seeding is going to change drastically this week.

 

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+10) – Tight Ends needs to really get it together heading into the playoffs. Eyes Downtown seems to be rolling along right now, and they know they can’t afford a slip up here so they can clinch the bye. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 10

 

D2/C2

Last Week’s Games:

None. Only had the Crossovers.

 

Playoff update: MADNESS. As of now, A&A and Gryffindor are in the bye week position. Bullet Club is sitting right behind them though. Unless A&A breaks PE’s streak, they’ll finish 5-4. Gryffindor and Bullet Club play each other. They’re both 4-3. Energy Buff sits a game behind them with an outside shot at the bye as well. Title Shot and Money Ball seem to be entrenched in the last two seeds, but who the hell knows anymore? This division has been crazy fun all year, and it only makes sense that nothing is making sense still.

 

Gryffindor vs Bullet Club (+1) – I should’ve made this game EVEN, but Gryffindor DID beat BC not too long ago. This game pretty much looks like a bye week “playoff” game, with the winner most likely getting the #1 seed. With the way this division has been though, look for, somehow, to have A&A, Gryffindor, and Bullet Club all end up 5-4 so Topper’s magic formulas can figure out who gets the byes. Which can only mean the result we’re not expecting will happen: GRYFFINDOR AND BULLET CLUB TIE.

 

D3/R1:

Last Week’s Games:

All We Do Is Quinn 45, Ultimate Warriors 22

Slytherin That End Zone 36, Morning Wood 36

3rd and Schlong 38, Sticky Bandits 38

Frodo Swaggins 18, Peachy Platoon 14

 

So basically, Quinn is a bunch of a jerks and ruined Sam Lattuca’s QB start! We’ve learned nothing since everyone decided to tie this week, except let’s pay attention to the Frodo win over Peachy. That’s a big one, and it announces that Frodo needs to be taken VERY seriously in the playoffs.

 

Playoffs: Here’s what we know: Ultimate Warriors are the 8 seed. After that? No clue. AWDIQ plays SITE for what is essentially the #1 seed. A SITE win gives them both 6-2-1 records. 3rd and Schlong and Frodo battle each other as well, in another awesome matchup. It looks like 3AS isn’t going to get a makeup game in and only play 8 games, where if they’d have won both they’d be 6-2-1 as well. Because Sticky Bandits are also leaving a game on the table, Morning Wood may be able to pass them in the standings with a win over Ultimate Warriors. This is bananas. Peachy Platoon is in there somewhere too. My head hurts.

 

All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone (+3) – SITE has to be shaking their heads after giving up a tie to Morning Wood. That’s a game you need to win if you’re going to win your division. Quinn is still chugging along as the division leader. I’m not sure which team wants it more, but considering how they both played last week: ALL WE DO IS QUINN BY 3

 

3rd and Schlong vs Frodo Swaggins (EVEN) – This game should be a lot of fun. 3AS has gone from the team making the most noise in recent seasons, to just being a quietly good team while the others get the press. That doesn’t matter to them, as they’ve still been putting the boots to teams. Frodo is a new team, they’re a fun team, and they’ve had some BIG games this season. They’re hard to beat. They have the best player in the league that nobody knows about in Josh Schnieder. As long as Garrett doesn’t over think anything, they’re a tough out. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Peachy Platoon vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – Sticky is always a good, smart team but this season just hasn’t gone as well as they’d like it. Once considered favorites to win this division, they find themselves near the bottom of the standings. Of course, having an injury to your QB is always an issue, but Mike Thomas is more than capable and may secretly be the best backup in the league. For all of the pub Peachy gets, they’re only 4-4, and they’re losing the big games it seems. They lost to SITE, Frodo twice, and 3AS. They *did* beat Quinn though. They need more consistency for sure. PEACHY PLATOON BY 10

 

Morning Wood vs Ultimate Warriors (+7) – Just a nightmare of a season for the Warriors, but what better way for them to get some momentum for the playoffs than to get their first win? Morning Wood’s up and down season has them all over the place and it’s hard to figure out just what they are. Let’s go for it: ULTIMATE WARRIORS BY 4

 

D4/R2

Last Week’s Games:

Buffalo Solar Solutions 44, Hung Buffalo 27

Cobblestone 27, Full Throttle 22

GLBS 44, Cobblestone 19

Puckett All-Stars 59, Indecent Exposure 22

End Game 22, Indecent Exposure 21

Hung Buffalo 19, Puckett All-Stars 7

 

One week before playoffs and just about everything you expected to happen went down. Buffalo Solar came back to us, beating Hung Buffalo. Cobblestone won again, essentially knocking Full Throttle out of the playoffs. Puckett had a big win over Indecent Exposure, but lose to Hung Buffalo in a close one later on. And End Game ESCAPED Indecent Exposure.

 

Playoffs: What we know: End Game is the best team in the division, but Uncle Rico’s and No Punt Intended are knocking on the door. GLBS, Hung Buffalo, and BSS are all in the playoffs for sure, and I think Full Throttle is officially eliminated. Then we have a three way dance between Indecent Exposure, Cobblestone, and Puckett All-Stars for the last spot. Should be interesting, but I think IE and Cobblestone will make it.

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Cobblestone (+8) – Cobblestone has been money as of late, going 2-1 in their last 3 games. However, the loss to GLBS seemed to come pretty easy, and I think BSS’ win this weekend puts this one in their favor. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 7

 

Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) – Puckett had their big win last week, but even a tired BSS shouldn’t have an issue with them. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8

 

GLBS vs Full Throttle (+16) – Full Throttle has just struggled to put a full game together all season. On has to assume they’re running for the bus here, while GLBS is playing for playoff positioning. Glenn Bird has had to assume QB duties as of late, and it looks like its so far so good. GLBS BY 12

 

End Game vs No Punt Intended (+3) – I’m not going to do it. I’m not going to let NPI hurt me again. I believed in them, they let me down, and when I was finally accepting it, they’re winning again. They’ve been hot as of late, and I think this game could go down to the wire. But End Game is just so good. I wish I knew who the guys on this team were. END GAME BY 4

 

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers vs Indecent Exposure (+9) – It feels like we haven’t seen Uncle Rico’s in months. Did they quit after they blew the NPI game so badly? Either way, they’re back and they’re taking on a team in IE that just seems to be falling apart at the seams. Yeah, they were within a point of End Game, but they got smoked by Puckett. Just doesn’t feel like the right time for a blow up. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 13

 

D5/R3

 

Last Week’s Scores:

Matty’s Angels 61, Cunning Stunts 42

Over Compensators 33, HomeTech 29

Hope N Ruin 30, Come From Behind 21

Ugandan Warriors 32, vandalay industries 26

Cunning Stunts 34, Pink Pteratacos 26

Ugandan Warriors 33, Pink Pteratacos 20

Five Star Generals 58, vandalay industries 49

 

It happens every year. There’s a big gender game, and Joey Batts is the QB for one of the teams and he blows it. The Angels continue their D5 dominance, wiping the floor with Stunts. They still can’t play defense though. The Ugandan Warriors solidified their claim to the “best not gender team in D5” title with two big wins. Vandalay had a rough day at the office, losing to Five Star. The Pteratacos had a bad day in terms of record, but they hung in there with Ugandan and the Stunts, and that says something.

 

Playoffs: What we know: Matty’s is the best, the Stunts are second, and Ugandan is 3^rd. After that, its literally anybody’s game for seeds 4-10. HomeTech is currently 1-6 and at the bottom of things but two wins can flip them into the playoffs. Lots of good action here, no idea how it shakes out.

 

Hope N Ruin vs Over Compensators (+6) – both of the teams seem to be trending upwards here. Hope N Ruin has been more Ruin than Hope (love that gag) but the playoffs are coming, so let’s just pencil them into the D5 final now. HOPE N RUIN BY 3

 

Ugandan Warriors vs Come From Behind (+10) – Ugandan is a very good team. They’ve been winning games left and right and, as long they know much time is left on the clock, they may not lose again. Come From Behind didn’t have the best of luck last week, and while they’re a very good team, the Warriors are on a mission.  UGANDAN WARRIORS BY 7

 

Matty’s Angels vs vandalay industries (+10) – with Topper playing in C1, the non award winning Tommy Hughes is looking to lead vandalay against the unfair juggernauts that better enjoy D4 next session: The Angels. I just cant imagine Tommy being able to keep up with Matty and the girls. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 17

 

Five Star Generals vs HomeTech (EVEN) – Two teams that haven’t had the best of seasons meet up in what just might be essentially a playoff game. Five Star got a feel good win this past week, but if they want to make some noise in the division, they need to win this one to do it. HOMETECH BY 6

 

D6/R4

 

Last Week’s Scores:

pAssless Chaps 37, Practice Squad 26

Practice Squad 46, Jabronies 17

Jabronies 52, TMA 14

 

Yeah, somehow Practice Squad blew a game against the Chaps and then beat up on the Jabronies. I can’t explain it.

 

Playoffs: what we know: Practice Squad and Jabronies have the bye weeks. What we don’t know: seeds 3-6. Lots of matchups to be determined this week.

 

Jabronies vs pAssless Chaps (+10) – The Jabronies have been a very hot team as long as they aren’t playing Practice Squad. While it seems that the Chaps upset the very same Squad, I can’t imagine lightning striking twice.  JABRONIES BY 7

 

TMA vs The Bi-Polar Express (+3) – Everytime BPX plays TMA, they’re short girls. That’s the problem with three of your ladies playing on the enemy. Both teams need a win here, and I think we’ll see both teams play their best, as word is Gordon should have all of his other girls. I think they’ve played twice before, so third time’s the charm. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 5

 

Practice Squad vs The Bambs (+6) – I don’t know what the hell happened to the Bambs. When someone finds them, can you ask them? Practice Squad keeps rolling. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs (EVEN) – BPX beat The Bambs a few weeks ago, and like I said in the last game, we still haven’t found them in a few weeks. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 7

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      How many more teams from D2/C2 win their crossover games this week? There were two last week, do you think they can do it again?

 

2.      How long until Topper buys the remaining hot dogs and hamburgers and lets everyone have them for free? 2:00?

 

3.      Will Vue Rooftop Lounge be packed with TSLers for Lenny Day on Friday? Seriously, if you’re able to go, get out there and meet Rameer and Topper!

 

4.      Who’s going in the Dunk Tank? There has GOT to be some new blood that wants to take their chances. If they’ve seen some of the QBs in this league, they won’t be scared.

 

5.      What crazy finishes will we have to the regular season? There’s a lot of playoff spots on the line this week. Do YOU want your team’s fate in the hands of Topper?

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY

 

1.      First off, Congratulations to Mark Buscaglia and Kim Mahoney on their engagement! Another awesome couple to add to the list of TSL marriages! We all know Katie Keller and a man that’s a plan are next.

 

2.      Shout out to Kenny Lantz of the Practice Squad for being the newest member of the ever growing TSL list of injured ankles! Get well soon!

3.      Since we’re having a DJ play all day this week, Travis, please leave your speaker in the car. Also, pay for Pandora premium for whatever. Nobody wants to hear the commercials.

 

4.      Breakfast Club playoffs this week! Give me the Hot TaMollys over Peanut Butter Kelly Time 36-20 and Natural Born Kellers over EmC HammerTime 24 -22.

 

5.      I’m not going to make this a big thing again, but seriously, stop putting your hands on refs people. That vein in Rameer’s head is about to pop.

 

6.      The best games to watch this week:

 

a.      10:00 – Field 2 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Slytherin That End Zone

b.      11:00 – Field 2 – Marketing Mayors vs Bullet Club

c.       12:00 – Field 1 – Tight Ends In Motion vs Energy Buff

d.      1:00 – Field 3 – No Punt Intended vs End Game

e.      2:00 – Field 2 – Bullet Club vs Gryffindor

f.        3:00 – Field 1 – The Bi-Polar Express vs The Bambs

 

7.      Not to be the bearer of bad news, but its currently 50% chance to rain, and it might be windy. Nothing better than deciding playoff seeds in that fun stuff. Just kidding, Lenny won’t let that happen.

 

8.      Hopefully, with all of the Lenny Day festivities, people stick around the bar for some time! Let’s help Topper be drunk until Tuesday!!

 

9.      Whoever eats the most ice cream gets to spin the wheel. Just saying.

 

10.   This weekend is supposed to be about celebrating Lenny, but its also about celebrating each other. Be good people this weekend, as Lenny would’ve wanted you to be. Enjoy yourself, take pictures, and make a new friend. We miss you Lenny.