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WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:45; Published: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:45; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 541

Welcome back to the FINAL TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the season!

Yes, unlike our way more productive colleagues the Godfather and the Sentinel, we don't write articles during the playoffs. We like to sit back and just watch the show, the fireworks, the bloodbath, whatever you want to call it, without having to analyze anything. So with this being our last article of the year, we've saved a lot for you. We have our final Top 30 Quarterbacks of the year (yes, we expanded to include five more this week!), some updated charts and graphs that you've seen before (if not this session, then other sessions), and then our usual playoff division analysis where we look at each playoff race in detail to pick out any trends in the data we can find.

This will be our longest article of the year, so buckle up! (Or just quit reading right now if you're too intimidated, that's fine too.)

Full disclosure: Dylan Jaloza is obviously one of the better QBs in this League, but we left him out because he's missed so much time this season, and we have no idea how to rank him compared to more full-time players.

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 42-34

The Sticky Bandits were the TSL's only undefeated team in the regular season, and they did it in the highest division. They were also only 5 points away from being the highest scoring team in D1, which they surely would have gotten if their team had ever cared to run up the score when ahead. Thomas's #1 rank was never in doubt.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Lost to Losing Streak 55-29 (Legends), beat Creekers 53-26 (Stunts)

Legends and Stunts went a combined 12-4 with two second-place finishes and 540 combined points (36.0 PPG). Did Legends lose one game this season with Melanie? The champs are the champs until someone dethrones them, and Joey doesn't look ready to give up his "alpha dog" spot in the League just yet.

#3 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week: Beat Legends 55-29 (Losing Streak), beat Practice Squad 39-25 (Mavericks)

Jordan jumps back into the #3 spot this week with a convincing win over Legends. There are three QBs with winning records in D1 this session, and it's no coincidence that they occupy the #1 through #3 spots in our Rankings. If you want to simplify Jordan's regular season into one stat, make it this one: he finished with the highest points per game in both D1 and D2.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 42-34 (Frodo), beat Travis Henry's Kids 62-46 (BAADies)

A one score loss against the top seeded team in the League, a second 60-point game against Travis Henry's Kids this season, AND a Breakfast Club playoff win. Any way you measure it, this season has been a huge success for Garrett Beesing, who went from "he's actually a decent QB, seriously" to "legit top guy in this League" seemingly overnight.

#5 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 42-34

Eyes Downtown with a losing record wouldn't have felt right. Thankfully they don't have to worry about that now after beating Tight Ends in Motion for the second time this season. The narrative of D1 this session continues to be "there's three good teams at the top", but we can't help but feel like Bobby's going to bring together his best squad over the next couple of weeks and push his way into the D1 Finals through sheer force of will.

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat Freeballers 33-15

Untouchaballs had a losing record somehow last season. It's impossible to imagine that now the way they're blasting the competition in D2 this season. There won't be any "feel good stories" from this team this session, it's Championship or bust at this point. And watching them dismantle teams every week, we bet on "Championship".

#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for No Punt Intended this week.

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 36-35

Grey Hair - Don't Care beat Frodo Swaggins by 30 points on April 22nd, the first day of the season. They did not win another game until June 10th, the last day of the season. Can we call this one-game winning streak "momentum"? We expect Legends will present a bigger challenge next week than Scared Hitless, and it might take a miracle to keep the "winning streak" going.

#9 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 42-34

Tight Ends is finally showing a little life offensively as the team put up 34 in a losing effort against Eyes Downtown on Saturday (and rumors are it could have been way more if not for some critical drops by Andy's receivers). Thanks to finishing in the middle of the D1 pack, TEIM have locked up a THIRD game this season against Eyes Downtown. They've lost the first two, but TEIM is full of savvy vets who will know what adjustments to make in their third try.

#10 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Lost to Itches and Ohs 42-41

Jabronies was the anti-Grey Hair this season. Grey Hair started and ended the season with wins and lost everything in between, while Jabronies started and ended the season with losses and won everything in between. What does this mean for playoffs? Probably nothing. Joe still has a great receiver corps to throw to and we don't expect a first round upset against a low seeded team. A Kleckler team would never do that, right?

#11 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Ryan this week... but he moves up in the Rankings on the losses of other QBs.

#12 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Lost to Bullet Club 36-30

This was the revenge game Wanderers waited all season for... and they still lost at the end?? That's not the way fairy tales are supposed to go. When Topper finally bankrolls a movie version of this season, let's re-write the script so Wanderers wins at the end, okay? Ultimately the first TSL Wanderer season was as competitive and exciting as we expected, with nearly every game being decided by a single score. Bet on veteran savvy to give them a little boost in the playoffs.

#13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 36-35

With the loss to Grey Hair on Saturday, Scared Hitless have now officially lost to every team in D1 this session. Not the season we expected from them after last Fall's playoff run. Maybe they'll shock the world again, but right now it's just difficult to imagine that. Their only win this season was a last minute 3 point victory over the second-last place team in D1. Sorry... their only win so far.

#14 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Lost to Degeneration SeXy 34-32

Let's Get Reccked continue to baffle us week to week. Sometimes they're hot on O and cold on D, sometimes they're cold on O and hot on D. Their four losses this year were by 1, 2, 3 and 7 points, so no one has decisively beaten them yet. Can they find another gear in the playoffs, or will every game continue to be a coin flip for who comes out on top?

#15 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Beat Puckett All-Stars 51-22

Beating Puckett All-Stars a couple weeks ago was a statement that they're as good as anyone in their division. Beating Puckett All-Stars AGAIN this week was a statement that they're BETTER than anyone in their division, and deserve to be the #1 seed for playoffs. Never say never, but... they are NEVER going to lose to Creekers next week, which means only two more wins to go after that for a long-awaited Championship.

#16 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 51-22

Puckett has found their kryptonite in Buffalo Vice, while dominating the rest of their division. They've allowed 195 points on defense all year, not including that "21-21 tie" they were given against PWI. 104 of those 195 points were against Buffalo Vice (more than 53% of their season total). Crazy. Can we have a rematch in the D4 Finals please?

#17 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Beat Wanderers 36-30

No way around it, Jeff has not looked his best since coming back from taking a huge chunk of the season off. Bullet Club did just enough to get the win over Wanderers on Saturday, but if they're going to make any noise in the D3 playoffs (by FAR the tightest division in the TSL right now top to bottom) they're going to need bigger games from their QB.

#18 Scotty Drosendahl - Degeneration SeXy

Last Week: Beat Let's Get Reccked 34-32

Full disclosure: we KIND of forgot about Scotty after D-Sex got off to a rough 0-4 start. Since then however they're 3-1 and reminding teams that they're still a contender in D3. Wasn't Scotty historically a strong starter with a weak finish every season? This one feels different. Sorry we ignored you as long as did in the Power Rankings Scotty, you were better than that.

#19 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs / GrASS Eaters

Last Week: Beat Jabronies 42-41 (Itches), beat Back That Pass Up 37-9, beat Blitzkrieg 38-20 (GrASS)

Moser won three games to finish the season strong, including a huge "upset" over D3 leading Jabronies to snap their 6 game winning streak. Steve joins an elite group along with Garrett, Joey and Jordan who are legitimately in contention to win two championships this session. GrASS Eaters have been killing everyone lately, and Itches always seem to be in the game in the closing seconds one way or another.

#20 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated

Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 54-30

Imagine scoring 54 points in your last game of the year and not even moving up in the Power Rankings. It's hard when there's this much QB talent in the League, believe us. PWI wasn't expected by many to go that far this year in their first session in D4, but they've proven the naysayers wrong and battled to a 5-2-1 record on the strength of their intoxicated passer.

#21 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Mavericks 39-25

An 0-8 regular season almost feels like the universe balancing itself out after Practice Squad dominated throughout 2022. They'll do better in Fall session, and they might even beat Freeballers on Saturday. But Practice Squad will not be getting past this Untouchaballs roster, at least not this season.

#22 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Lost to BAADies 62-46

It's been a rough finish for Travis Henry's Kids with four straight losses. It seems like a team needs about 50 points per week to be successful in D4 this session, and unfortunately the THK defense has given up 28, 52, 60 and 62 in the last four weeks (all losses). The "Langley to Pete" connection may still be potent, but it doesn't solve any of their defensive woes.

#23 Paul LoVullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Beat TMA 26-22

Come From Behind finished the regular season with the most points per game (33.1) and fewest points per game against (19.0) in their division. In fact, they had the fourth best point differential per game (margin of victory) of any team in the TSL. Great athletes and playmakers and QB with a rocket launcher for an arm? Sounds like a recipe for a Championship... if they can keep up with the next QB on our Rankings.

#24 Kelly Kane - GUCCI

Last Week: Beat Not So Sticky 39-29, beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 25-16

GUCCI was the only other team in D5 this session to crack 30 PPG. Although they aren't statistically better than Come From Behind on either offense OR defense, they do have a better record in the standings and, maybe most importantly, the head-to-head win that proves they match up well. D5 is very balanced this session (GUCCI's only loss is to the "worst" team in the division) so anything can happen in playoffs, but anything less than a Finals appearance for GUCCI would surprise us.

#25 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Vaspian this week.

#26 Derek Pew - Tater Tots

Last Week: Beat Goatsack! 43-0

Maybe there's a perfectly logical explanation for why the Tots lost to Goatsack 39-38 a couple weeks ago and then absolutely BLASTED them on Saturday to the tune of 43-0. Maybe there isn't. Either way, we can't imagine a better "get right" game than a massive shutout against a team that beat you earlier in the season. Tots aren't the statistical favorites in D5, but if Derek goes on a run like he started last week, they should be able to keep up with anybody.

#27 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week: Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 54-30

The TSL's most legendary quarterback finished the season 2-6 with the usual roster issues. Cobblestone will play the Stunts in the first round, and their first game this year was actually pretty close as the Stunts held on to win 35-26. Of course this was earlier in the season before the Stunts remembered they were D4 giants, and since then they've gained momentum while Cobblestone has stalled. Does Darryl have it in him to keep Cobblestone alive one more week?

#28 Tyler Ciemny - Southside

Last Week: Beat Pit Harade 42-16

Southside probably shouldn't be in D6, we should start with that. They're the fifth highest scoring team in the TSL, the BEST defense in the TSL, and of course, the best point differential in the TSL by more than a full touchdown. Southside has won by an average of 21.6 PPG this session, and they're the absolute favorites to run away with their division. Tyler can scramble and make plays, and teams don't have a hope of catching him without rushing a male player.

#29 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week: Lost to GUCCI 25-16

The ILFers dropped a close one to GUCCI to end their season at 4-4, but somehow that's good enough for third place in a very even D5 this session. Ethan has been lights out since taking over as QB for the Lightning Falcons midseason, but they still lack a statement win to convince us that they have a chance of winning the division.

#30 Nick Stutzman - Two Tuddies

Last Week: Beat Mighty Drunks 34-20

It took a few seasons, but the "Tud Buds" have gone from the 0-9-1 to 3-6 to 7-1, improving every session. We just wrote above that Southside is the "best point differential in the TSL by more than a full touchdown", but that second place team they're leading over? Two Tuddies. Do Nick and the Tuddies have what it takes to topple Southside in the playoffs? They'll be underdogs for sure, but if anyone is used to that role over the past couple seasons, it's these guys.

***

Division by Division Review of the TSL

For our final analysis of the season, we're going to show you the following:

The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division. As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally). We tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses the same colors so it's not perfect (sorry Cunning Stunts for your sexist pink coloring!)
A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with a similar "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials). For what it's worth, in the last five seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 19 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 11 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders".
A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group. Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Jabronies are overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean". We're just reading numbers off a website, man. Relax.

And away we go!

Division 1

The Headline: Three teams are "favorites", three teams are good enough to play spoiler, and two teams can start planning for next season.

Underrated: D1 was the ONLY division this year whose standings finished in the EXACT order that their point differentials would predict. In other words, everyone is EXACTLY in the right order with none of the fluky stuff we'll see in some other divisions, so there aren't any real "statistical" outliers. That being said, the path to the championship is very likely to run through the top three teams in the division, which are Sticky Bandits, Legends and Losing Streak (in whatever order you favor them). More than likely, how you fare against the top teams will determine how far you go in the playoffs. Although most teams understandably struggled against the division leaders, Eyes Downtown nearly beat them all. Losing Streak squeaked by on a successful two point conversion defense. Legends won by only 6 in a tight game. And the Sticky Bandits needed a 22 point comeback just to catch up in their game. Eyes Downtown didn't win any games against the "big three", but they were the only ones who were actually close. If a full roster in the playoffs gets them an extra 7 points per game, that might be enough to beat two of those teams in the Semis/Finals.

Overrated: That being said, if we're measuring success in D1 by your ability to beat one of the top teams, we'll take Tight Ends in Motion as the most "overrated" team this session. They're fifth in the standings so just a hair behind Eyes Downtown on paper, but where Eyes Downtown was battling the top teams to single score losses, Tight Ends were losing against those same opponents by 14 (Losing Streak), 26 (Sticky Bandits) and 29 (Legends). They also went 0-2 against Eyes Downtown, their first round opponent on Saturday, with losses by 11 and 8. All of TEIM's wins this season came against teams below them in the standings... and they're unlikely to face any of those teams again this season.

Division 2

The Headline: Untouchaballs have the best team in the division, with a few flawed contenders good enough to beat them on their best day. Practice Squad is also here.

Underrated: Sometimes the best team in the division is STILL the most underrated, and that's the case here with Untouchaballs. Here's a graph of the difference between the average point differentials of each division's top team and their second best team (in other words, how much BETTER is the best team than the second best team in each division?)

Untouchaballs have the widest lead of any division leader right now, almost a full 10 PPG better than the next best team. These guys aren't just favorites, they're STRONG favorites. Has anyone on the website mentioned yet that they've also won 7 in a row?

Overrated: It has to be No Punt Intended for the most overrated team here, right? Their record looks almost identical to Untouchaballs on the surface which makes you think they're almost on the same level. Nope. NPI is only +2.38 PPG, exactly 10 PPG less than Untouchaballs and not even as good as the Mavericks who NPI are two wins ahead of in the standings. It's true that No Punt Intended beat Untouchaballs in the first game of the season by a single point, but the rematch was a much more one-sided affair. We're not down on NPI by the way, and we fully expect them to make the D2 Finals game. But we aren't expecting them to win based on the stats.

Division 3

The Headline: Last Fall we wrote "the TSL's most wide-open division by far. No dominant teams and no trash teams means anything can (and probably will) happen." We were right (the 8 seed won!) so let's stick with that.

Underrated: We ALMOST picked Let's Get Reccked because they're in sixth place despite being one of only three teams in D3 with a positive point differential. Almost... but the clear "underrated" team in D3 has to be Itches and Ohs. They went 4-4 this season, but two of their losses included a forfeit and a game where their QB (and frankly defensive MVP) was suspended. They're 4-2 with their "real" squad with their only losses coming by 6 and 10 points, and they're one of only two teams to actually beat the Jabronies this session. Would it even be considered an upset if they win the championship at this point?

Overrated: There are no obvious candidates in the numbers for a truly "overrated" D3 team, but we'll take the Wanderers here based on the fact that it's been over a month since they last won a game. After a 4-1 start they've limped to the finish with three consecutive losses, including one last week to an ALSO ice-cold Bullet Club. Does momentum mean anything to a team that has played over a decade and been through ups and downs a hundred times before? Maybe not. Maybe they come out and smoke Itches and Ohs on Saturday and show us that they've been holding back an extra gear lately. But it's tough to win games when your defense is giving up nearly 40 PPG like the Wanderers have the past three weeks, so if they want to go far in the playoffs they'll either have to shore up that defense or ask Frank to work miracles on offense.

Division 4

The Headline: Four dominant teams headline the D4 race, with BAADies improving enough to have a real shot. THK, Cobblestone and Creekers will not be playing in the Finals.

Underrated: We almost said Puckett All-Stars here because they have the third best point differential per game in the whole TSL, and somehow they're only in third place in their own division (which is really, really hard to pull off). But it's tough to choose them as "underrated" when they've been beaten twice by the first place team who seems to really have their number. There is one D4 team with a better claim to being underrated though... and that is Passing While Intoxicated. Their first round matchup is against BAADies, who they beat earlier this season. Assuming no other shocking upsets (and yes, it would be shocking if Buffalo Vice, Stunts or Puckett lost in the first round) it would be PWI vs Buffalo Vice in the semi-finals... another team that PWI beat earlier this season. That would leave PWI to face the winner of Puckett All-Stars vs Cunning Stunts in the Finals, a matchup Puckett decisively won in the regular season. So if all goes the way it did earlier this season, we would have a PWI vs Puckett Finals... which would be a rematch of the game that never finished this season (and was marked a tie) after a PWI player went down with a medical emergency. We have no idea how well PWI would do against Puckett in a full game, but they're the ONLY team outside of Buffalo Vice that can make the claim that they haven't lost to Puckett yet this season. What better place to see how they stack up than the D4 Finals?

Overrated: The Cunning Stunts were our first thought when we started researching "underrated" teams above. They're on a 5-0 streak since a 1-2 start, and not ONE of those games was particularly close, so they've got to be pretty great, you would think. But then we looked into the detail more and saw that the scores are a bit misleading. Two of those five wins are against the Creekers (including one via forfeit) and everyone beat the Creekers. Travis Henry's Kids seemed like a quality win at the time, but in hindsight we can see that they were starting to implode a bit by then and a four game losing streak would follow. Yes, the Stunts had quality wins against Passing While Intoxicated and BAADies, and those do matter. But in all likelihood, the Stunts will have to go through Puckett All-Stars and Buffalo Vice back-to-back to win the D4 championship... and they lost by a combined 94-43 in those two matchups earlier this year. The Stunts are a GREAT team, but if the top contenders match up well against them, it could be too much of a disadvantage to overcome.

Division 5

The Headline: Two teams loom large over the rest of the division, and everyone else hopes to play spoiler.

Underrated: TMA is in last place in the division, despite being fifth in point differential. Yes, they're still negative, and yes, they're not particularly great on either side of the ball right now. But they're not "last place" bad (at least not statistically) so we choose them as the most underrated team in D5. Also, they're the ONLY team this season to beat top-rated GUCCI, their first round matchup in the playoffs, so they've already shown they can win this matchup once. Come From Behind would also have been a great choice here, because they're #1 everywhere in our charts except the standings, but TMA is the better option.

Overrated: Goatsack has a better offense than only Not So Sticky. They're the worst defense in the division AND the worst point differential per game by a good amount too. But somehow they're sixth in the standings and one lucky game away from a .500 record? We're not sure how that worked out. Statistically, they were the worst team in the division despite the fact that they willed themselves to three wins this season, so we're going to take them as our most "overrated" team.

Division 6

The Headline: Southside dominates, Two Tuddies are their biggest threat, and a few other teams also probably have a chance.

Underrated: If you read the Itches and Ohs write-up in D3 above, you can pretty much apply the same thinking here. GrASS Eaters were 5-3 this session, but two of their losses were when Steve Moser was unable to play. Who did GrASS Eaters play in those weeks? Southside and Two Tuddies, of course. So we have NO idea what would happen if Moser had played the top teams in this division. As it is the Eaters are third in the division with +6.5 PPG including those two lopsided losses. If we throw them both out, that would improve to +16.5 PPG, right up there among the elite of D6. Anyone who thinks that Southside vs Tuddies in the Finals is a foregone conclusion needs to think again, and watch out for the Moser clan.

Overrated: Sausage McMuffins are third in their division and fourth in point differentials. That alone doesn't make a team "overrated" of course. It is a bit concerning though that they're 0-3 in their last three games after a 5-0 start. Yes, one of those games was a forfeit to Two Tuddies, and another was an annihilation at the hands of Southside that same week when they were scrambling for subs. But the other was a loss to the winless Mighty Drunks, and even before that during their five game winning streak, the McMuffins weren't exactly killing teams (Pit Harade was their only win this year by more than one score). The McMuffins will be fine. We suspect they'll beat Blitzkrieg on Saturday to advance to the Semi-Finals. But the numbers aren't showing us that they're the third best team in this division, and it will likely be an uphill struggle for them once they have to play the top guys in Championship week.

***

Top Ten Best and Worst Lists for the 2023 Spring Season

The division analysis above is the real meat and potatoes of this article, but in case you're curious how you stack up against teams in OTHER divisions, here are the top ten (and bottom ten) teams in the entire TSL for offensive points per game, defensive points per game, and average point differential per game. As always, forfeit games are excluded:

What did we learn from this?? The magic numbers for us are always 20 and 40. Nearly every team in this League averages between 20-40 PPG both offensively and defensively. If you're higher than 40 offensively or lower than 20 defensively, you're doing an amazing job. If you're lower than 20 offensively or higher than 40 defensively... you're probably not winning too many games. This season we had exactly ONE team crack the 40 PPG barrier on offense, so congrats to Puckett All-Stars, our Spring 2023 scoring champs. Here is how they compare with scoring champions from the previous six seasons:

So if Puckett were the BEST offense, who were the worst? This season we had four teams fail to make it to 20 PPG on offense (Creekers, Back That Pass Up, Scared Hitless and Not So Sticky). Those teams, unsurprisingly, went a combined 4-28 this season.

Then on the other side of the ball, there were four defenses that held opponents to under 20 PPG (Southside, Untouchaballs, Two Tuddies and Come From Behind). Those teams, again unsurprisingly, went a combined 27-5. It's pretty easy to win when the other team doesn't score (that's the kind of insightful analysis you come to this website for, right?).

There was only one team this session that allowed more than 40 PPG defensively and that was the 0-8 Creekers, who cracked both the "failed to score 20 PPG on offense list" and the "failed to hold opponents under 40 PPG on defense list". It feels like we beat up on the Creekers a lot here, but that's just because we enjoy pointing out statistical anomalies. So here's a pro-Creekers stat for their team: guys, you are nowhere NEAR as bad as the Replacements were last year! The Fall 2022 season's punching bag team was 0-9, averaged only 10.8 PPG on offense (barely HALF of what Creekers are scoring) and allowed 48.0 PPG on defense. Where the Creekers were outscored by 21.7 PPG, the Replacements were outscored by 37.3 PPG. So you see, it could have been a lot worse!

Besides the "40/20 Clubs", what else do we see from the best and worst units in the League? Southside and Sticky Bandits finished as the only two teams to make the Top Ten Best lists in every category, while Practice Squad, Pit Harade, Goatsack!, Creekers, Back That Pass Up and Scared Hitless all made the Top Ten Worst lists in every category. And BAADies and Not So Sticky were the only teams to make one Top Ten Best and one Top Ten Worst list.

Our final observation from these charts is that Two Tuddies averaged a +15.57 margin of victory each week. In other words they pretty much won most weeks by... two tuddies (sorry, not sorry).

***

All-Time Championship Statistics

A couple sessions ago we compiled a list of every TSL champion in League history and devised a ranking system to see who the "best teams of all time" were. This was exhausting to research and put together, but it's now very simple to update once a session, so that's what we've done here. The timing feels right to update you all on this now JUST before playoffs so we can remind you what you're chasing here... co-ed football immortality. Here are the current immortals:

THAT part is objective - the champs are the champs, and we'd like to think history will remember their achievements for 1,000 years to come (history classes will likely debate what exactly the "Tommy Hughes Experience" was). This next part though is subjective: we then attempted to compare the relative strength of each division's championships to come up with a ranking system (a D2 title is harder to win than a D4 title) and this is what we landed on:

A D1 championship is our baseline since it's the best a team can do. Let's make that worth 100 points.
A D2 title is worth, at BEST, 49% of that, since two D2 titles don't quite equal a D1 title (you can argue it should be LESS than 49%, but we've made the choice to weight lower divisions as heavily as reasonably possible here). 49 points for a D2 title.
A D3 title should be worth 49% of THAT, so about 24 points for each D3 championship.
Every subsequent division is worth 49% of the previous one, so D4 is worth 11 points, D5 is worth 5 points, and D6 is worth 2 points.
Indoor championships aren't currently worth a point (though we may revised this in the future). With apologies to DILFS, Jelly Beans and Sticky Bandits, Winter sessions are often used to make new teams and play with new people. No team should be penalized in the rankings for doing that instead of entering their usual squad.

It's an arbitrary system of course, but it's the one we chose. So here is the updated list of your "greatest champions of all time" going into the Spring 2023 playoffs (active teams are highlighted below):

We debated making a change to the math above so that subsequent championships in the same division would be worth less the second time around. After all, is it fair that Puckett can catch All We Do is Quinn in the rankings by winning their third D4 title this session? Shouldn't they move up at some point? But for now we decided to leave it as is.

So where does that leave us today? No one is going to catch Public Enemy at the top any time soon, but Legends can jump from 4th to 2nd if they win this session, pulling even with Green & Associates. Tight Ends could jump from 8th to 3rd, Eyes Downtown from 9th to 4th, and Sticky Bandits from 13th to 8th.

Puckett All-Stars is nowhere near Public Enemy in the overall rankings, but they CAN tie them for most TSL Championships of all-time if they win a fifth this season. Given how well they're playing, they have a pretty great shot at it too.

Sticky Bandits and Practice Squad both have the opportunity to become the first team in TSL history to win a championship in four different divisions. Of course the Bandits are 8-0 and Practice Squad is 0-8, so one team probably has slightly better odds than the other.

Bottom line, people remember champions, not the teams who come in second place, so immortality can only be found by winning it all. Good luck!

***

All-Time Quarterback Ranking Statistics

We ARE a Quarterback Ranking article after all, don't you think we'd do the same thing with QB Rankings as we do with the Championship rankings above?

Below is the list of every QB to every make the Top Ten in the eight seasons (since Spring of 2019) that we've been tracking this. Yes, we know it's a ridiculous chart, and no, we don't expect anyone but our most faithful readers to even glance at it (it probably isn't even legible on your phone). We'll summarize it for you below, don't worry.

To summarize:

Across 64 Power Rankings we've done dating back 8 seasons, there have been 33 Quarterbacks to make our Top Ten.
The highest average position of any QB over this period is Chris Cole, who was our first ever #1, held the top spot on a record 22 occasions (including a record 10 weeks in a row), and never fell outside of the Top 3 in his five seasons in the "Power Ranking era". He is also tied with Bro Kleckler for the SECOND longest streak of #1 rankings (8 weeks in a row), so in summary, he was pretty good.
The record for most weeks in our Top Ten belongs to Bobby McConnell, who has been in the Rankings for 60 consecutive weeks. Bobby missed only the first four weeks of our first season when he was injured, and since his first appearance he has held the top spot 11 times, the second spot 14 times, the third spot 24 times, the fourth spot 9 times, and the fifth spot 2 times (this week and last week). He has never fallen outside the Top Five in this timeframe.
There are only five quarterbacks that have ever been achieved the #1 Ranking: Chris Cole, Bobby McConnell, Joey Batts, Bro Klecker, and Mike Thomas.
Bobby McConnell is the only quarterback to make the Top Ten every season we've been doing Power Rankings. Joey Batts has made every season (and in fact every WEEK of every season) except for the one he took off from throwing in a higher division.
Matt Glowacki is the only quarterback to date to make the Top Ten exactly once. He was ranked 7th our first week in 2019, and has never been back.

And FINALLY, just like the Championships above, we have a system for ranking QBs all-time based on where they fall in our Top Ten (well what did you expect, you're reading an article about QB Rankings). It's pretty simple: QBs get 10 points for a first place Ranking, 9 points for a second place Ranking, etc. And when they fall outside of the Top Ten, they stop getting points. This is HEAVILY biased towards longevity, which is why you'll see the GOAT Chris Cole (who has been retired for three seasons) in third place. So take this ranking with a grain of salt. Active QBs highlighted below:

***

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this season! We can't possibly make any other charts for you at this point (this was exhausting) and we doubt anyone has read this start-to-finish anyway.

We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts on any of the above, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You tell him, he'll tell us. Good luck in the playoffs.

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:22; Published: Thursday, 15 June 2023 16:22; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 450

Pending

WEEK 6 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 01 June 2023 16:40; Published: Thursday, 01 June 2023 16:40; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 502

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings -- Come for the QB write-ups, stay for the weird and confusing graphs!

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 38-12, beat Frodo Swaggins 40-25

After two dominant wins by Thomas this week, who else did you think was going to be in the #1 spot? The Sticky Bandits are the only undefeated team left in the TSL across ANY division, and Legends are the only team that's held them to under 30 points all season. Considering no team has dropped 30 against the Bandits yet (strangely Grey Hair and Frodo, who are a combined 3-10, have come the closest by scoring 27 and 25 respectively) that's a pretty good recipe for a winning record.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 36-30 (Legends), beat Travis Henry's Kids 52-40

Joey Batts went 0-2 in the month of April, and 8-1 in the month of May. He claps cheeks best when it's warm out, apparently. Legends are locked into one of the top seeds in D1, and the Stunts have their first winning record of the season after beating Travis Henry's Kids in a revenge game after THK eliminated them from the playoffs last Fall.

#3 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for Jordan this week.

#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Lost to Legends 36-30, beat Scared Hitless 29-26

Eyes Downtown are 3-3 and as the calendar turns to June, they still have not had a winning record at any point this season. On Saturday they almost pulled off the upset over Legends in a rematch of last Fall's Finals, and then almost lost to 1-5 Scared Hitless, so we're STILL not sure what to make of their squad this season.

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 41-24, lost to Sticky Bandits 40-25 (Frodo Swaggins), beat Travis Henry's Kids 60-32 (BAADies)

BAADies looked like the disappointment of the year after an 0-3 start despite all the hype that it was essentially the return of "The Angels". That probably wasn't fair -- it was truly a new team with Garrett under center, and it was always going to take time to gel. Three consecutive wins later, BAADies are back to .500 and suddenly look like real contenders in D4, which is a huge credit to Garrett and his ladies for pushing through the growing pains. Oh and Frodo won another D1 game (by a lot) which pushes the League Douche up in the Power Rankings this week.

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat No Punt Intended 41-17

Okay, so maybe Helm did MOST of the work with his multiple pick-sixes on Saturday, but Burr was pretty good too as the Untouchaballs avenged their only loss of the season and took firm control over the #1 seed in D2. Seeding doesn't really matter that much most of the time when everyone makes the playoffs, but in D2 three teams get a bye in the first round, and by beating No Punt Intended the Untouchaballs have clinched a top three finish and a week off on June 17th.

#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Lost to Untouchaballs 41-17

What a meltdown for Travis against Untouchaballs! Is it time to throw Kyle back in yet? Fortunately No Punt Intended is still 5-2 and have already clinched a first round bye for playoffs. Odds are they've lost the #1 seed based on this past week, which would potentially set up NPI vs Mavericks in the Semis barring some weird outcomes the next couple of weeks.

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for Dave this week.

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 29-26, lost to Frodo Swaggins 41-24

Scared Hitless certainly looks to have recovered from their early season ineptitude as they're now actually scoring points and playing competitive games. Of course it didn't matter in the standings, as they dropped both games of an Eyes Downtown / Frodo Swaggins doubleheader on Saturday to fall to 1-5 on the season. Their last two opponents are Tight Ends in Motion (who S.H. upset in the first round of last years playoffs) and Grey Hair Don't Care (the only D1 team with a worse record) so a 3-5 finish isn't out of the question.

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for Frank (at least with Wanderers) this week.

#11 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Beat Degeneration SeXy 50-40

Let's Get Reccked has been anything but boring this session. After a week one annihilation of (now) division-leading Jabronies, they've played five straight one score games going 2-2-1 over that stretch. Some weeks are defensive battles (19-12 vs Can't Touch This) and other weeks are shootouts (50-40 vs D-Sex on Saturday!) but either way, these are the games you want to watch. With winnable games in his last two weeks, Buchlis can MAYBE still finish as high as first place in his division? Right?

#12 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 38-12

In Tight Ends in Motion's six games this session, they've scored exactly one touchdown twice and exactly two touchdowns twice... and they are unsurprisingly 0-4 in those games. The defense is still the gold standard we expect from this team, but they've GOT to get more help on the offensive side if they're going to compete in the playoffs against better teams. Andy is still probably the most talented athlete in the League... but experience matters, and we'd bet Bro would have scored more than 12 points on Saturday.

#13 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for Jeff this week. When was the last time he played a game?? Feels like it's all bye weeks and Langley for these guys lately.

#14 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 53-46

Arya Stark once said "anyone can be killed" and Buffalo Vice proved it on Saturday by handing the invincible Puckett All-Stars their first loss of the season. Don't look at Vince -- the offense still put up 46 points, which REALLY ought to be enough to win a game. Barring a total late season collapse Puckett will still be our D4 favorite but they won't be completing a perfect season anymore.

#15 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs via forfeit

No game for Joe this week as Itches forfeited.

#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Did Not Play

No games for B (at least with Practice Squad) this week.

#17 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Vaspian 30-28

Can't Touch This had won four in a row and were one of the hottest teams in the TSL. How many people predicted they would lose to winless Vaspian on Saturday?? D3 is REALLY competitive right now (the "best" team is winning by 4.8 PPG, and the "worst" team is losing by 8.5 PPG) and anything's possible week to week. Including Ryan losing a game, apparently.

#18 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Beat Puckett All-Stars 53-46

Did one game flip the entire narrative on a division? "D4 is Puckett's to lose" suddenly became "five teams are looking PRETTY GOOD right now in D4" after Andy and Buffalo Vice scored a huge upset over Puckett on Saturday. Any time teams combine for 99 points in a division-altering game, it's going to be must-see football. Can't wait for the rematch in the D4 Finals... if the gender teams don't play spoiler first.

#19 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Lost to BAADies 60-32, lost to Cunning Stunts 52-40

Scoring 72 points in a doubleheader is usually good enough to win both, if not at least a split of the game. Of course when your defense gives up 112 in those games, it changes the math a little bit. THK got smoked by both gender teams on Saturday, and if you throw out their win against the 0-6 Creekers, they haven't had a quality win since April. Langley can't be too happy with his defense right now.

#20 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated

Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 29-28

PWI won a nail biter on Saturday as they barely survived Darryl Carr Superstar and his two point conversion attempt. It had to be a tough game for PWI playing just a week after one of their players collapsed on the field, but Buddy still led the squad to a big win and a 3-1-1 record. Teams rarely handle the jump up a division as well as Passing While Intoxicated has this session, and if they get a few lucky bounces they could potentially be the next Practice Squad (back to back division champs).

Fancy Statistics Section

Last week we shared the stats about the ten very best and very worst defenses in the League, but this week we'd like to look at that same concept a little bit differently. Some teams are carried to success by their great offenses (gender teams, typically) and others are carried by great defenses (Vaspian, historically), so we wanted to explore a more in-depth view to see how balanced each team is on both sides of the ball. To start with, we ranked all teams in the League on both offensive points per game and defensive points per game allowed from best to worst (the best is #1, the worst is #46). Then we subtracted each team's offensive rank from its defensive rank to see how big the difference was, and to what side of the ball (if any) each team skewed. Sound complicated? It's probably easier just to show you:

What does this graph even mean, why did we pick weird colors, and why aren't the bars even labeled?? All good questions (we admit, this is a weird one) but hear us out:

If you're on the top of the above chart in that orange color, it means your offensive rank is better than your defensive rank. For example, BAADies are the 3rd best offense in the League and the 37th best defense, so their combined score is +34. Not So Sticky on the other end of the spectrum is the 46th best offense in the League and the 10th best defense, so their combined score is -36 (shown in purple). These two teams represent the biggest extremes in the League right now, and everyone else falls somewhere in between. Anyone in orange leans towards offensive strengths, anyone in purple leans towards defensive strengths (those dashed boxes on the chart are just there to call out the biggest discrepancies where one rank exceeds the other by more than 10 in either direction).

So why did we pick orange and purple as the colors? We usually use green and red for our graphics, but green typically implies "good" and red typically implies "bad", and this graph isn't about "good or bad" -- it's just about which side of the ball each team seems to be strongest. The best example of the point we're trying to make is right in the middle of the graph, where you'll see Creekers and Legends tied at +1 (almost perfectly balanced, SLIGHT lean towards offense as their stronger side). On the surface they could not be more different teams: Creekers are 0-6 (offensive rank: 44th, defensive rank: 45th) and Legends are 6-1 (offensive rank: 4th, defensive rank: 5th). But both teams are about equally balanced in terms of their offense vs their defense... it just so happens that Legends are great on both sides, and Creekers are NOT great on both sides. That's why we didn't label each bar on the graph - the +1 itself is kind of meaningless when you're describing the Creekers or Legends -- the important thing is where your team falls on the graph relative to the OTHER teams shown.

What did we learn from the chart?

For starters, D4 is the most "offense leaning" division in the League, with the top five "offensive" teams all playing in that division. In fact other than Cobblestone (-2 leaning "defense") every other team in the division skews towards offense. Of course the two gender teams are leading the way which should be no surprise, as BAADies are closely followed by Cunning Stunts as the most offensively skewed teams in the League.

We also learned that there's not much correlation between where you are on the above graph and how well you're doing in the standings. For example the four most hypothetically "balanced" teams in the League are Creekers (0-6), Legends (6-1), Practice Squad (0-5) and No Punt Intended (5-2). Two of those are great teams, and two of them are not. Practice Squad is the only team in the League with perfect balance... unfortunately they're ranked 40th on both sides of the ball, which means they have a lot of adjustments to make everywhere.

Puckett All-Stars are one of the most offensive-leaning teams in the League, and Untouchaballs are one of the most defense-leaning -- both are currently in first place. So again, the graph isn't meant to tell you who's doing well and who's not... but it IS meant to tell you WHY you're succeeding or WHY you're failing. If you're strongly in the orange and you want to improve, you should probably look to your defense to shape up. If you're strongly in the purple and you want to improve, you should probably look to your offense to shape up.

***

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week! We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. You tell him, he'll tell us.

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 08 June 2023 11:00; Published: Thursday, 08 June 2023 11:00; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 457

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

Week to week, you don't see a ton of movement in our Power Rankings and that's very much by design. A quarterback doesn't suddenly become Joe Burrow because he had one good game, and he doesn't suddenly become trash just because he threw a couple picks. No one started this season hotter than Vince Taverna, and no one started it colder than Joey Batts. Now Vince is a great QB and we might not have him ranked highly enough, but was he ever better than Joey Batts? No, and that's why Joey was always ranked higher even after a winless first couple weeks. We try not to overreact to small sample sizes and we always ask ourselves the question (regardless of what happened in the last week or two) who would you most want to throw for your team in your NEXT game with the championship on the line? And usually... USUALLY... those people don't change much week over week. But sometimes they do. There are a few guys in particular that make significant leaps this week. You might not agree with our rankings or our logic, but we feel that they've shown enough at this point to deserve a boost.

Oh, and we've expanded our QB coverage to a Top 25 this week to highlight five more QBs that are doing great work this season.

Enjoy!

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 30-28

They've won 12 in a row, they're the last undefeated team in the TSL, and they've now beaten every team in D1 this session with only a Frodo rematch to go. That's a pretty good resume for Thomas. We also like the stat that Sticky Nation's worst offensive game was 29 points this season, and their worst defensive game was 28 (this week against Eyes Downtown) which means their worst offense and their worst defense on the same day would STILL be a win.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Passing While Intoxicated 44-20, beat BAADies 34-16 (Stunts)

Undefeated in May, undefeated in June, let's look at some numbers: Throw out his first week on April 29th, and Joey's teams since then are 9-1 (10-1 if you count a forfeit win over Creekers, who Joey would have scored a minimum 45 points against) and they have scored 36.6 PPG (Legends) and 36.4 PPG (Cunning Stunts). That would be the third AND fourth best offenses in the TSL. Insane.

#3 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week: Beat Losing Streak 60-45 (Frodo), lost to Cunning Stunts 34-16 (BAADies)

Garrett Beesing is the #3 QB in the TSL right now. Seriously. We're not sure how it happened either. Garrett has the same record, a head-to-head win, and more points per game than Bobby McConnell, so as crazy as it seems to leapfrog a TSL icon like Bobby, it's actually an easy call right now. The trickier comparison is Jordan Lawson, who despite also losing to Frodo head-to-head, has a slightly better overall record AND more points per game. The critical factor for us came down to supporting cast, as Losing Streak has an absurdly talented roster from top to bottom that SHOULD put up points and win every week. Frodo Swaggins isn't a "super team" - we doubt you know more than a few names on that roster outside of their QB. It's no disrespect to their team to say this (or maybe it is) but they seem to be winning on chemistry and effort and play-calling rather than superior athleticism. And Garrett deserves a ton of credit for that.

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 60-45 (Losing Streak), lost to Untouchaballs 24-16 (Mavericks)

If Losing Streak had won on Saturday, wouldn't Jordan still be ahead of Garrett in these rankings? And he scored 45 points in that game, which is among the highest scores in D1 this session... doesn't it feel like we're punishing him for a) his defense taking the day off, and b) recruiting a super talented team that we just expect to win every week? Those are fair criticisms of our process if you feel that way. Look, Power Ranking is tough, and it's hard to say which QB would perform better over a sustained period of time with equal talent. Losing Streak and Mavericks are on a combined 2-6 run right now, but we still expect both to be dangerous for playoffs .

#5 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 30-28

Eyes Downtown's biggest hurdle this season continues to be their poor attendance, and they almost overcame that on Saturday to win shorthanded against the undefeated Sticky Bandits. Instead they gave up a big lead and walked away 3-4, guaranteeing a non-winning record for the first time since Fall 2020 (the "COVID season"). Bobby is still an elite QB and as dangerous as anyone in this League, but his Power Ranking of #5 is literally the lowest we have EVER had him -- Bobby had been in the Top Four for 58 consecutive Power Rankings dating back to Spring of 2019.

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat Mavericks 24-16

Untouchaballs locked up the #1 seed in D2 this week with a close win against Mavericks, and are on track for a playoff semifinals vs the winner of Freeballers and Practice Squad. Burr has done a great job of leading the offense this season, but take a look at a graph of D2 offenses vs D2 defenses. Anything stand out? If you ignore 0-7 Practice Squad, those other four teams are virtually identical on offense (the blue bars), and three of the four are identical on defense too (the orange bars). What separates Untouchaballs is their defense, which is a full 10 PPG better than the next best team in D2.

#7 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 36-21

No Punt Intended finished their regular season a week early with one more win over Practice Squad to run their record to 6-2. They'll be the #2 seed in the playoffs, they won't play on June 17th, and they'll have a great chance of upsetting Untouchaballs in the Finals... if Travis stops throwing the ball to Helm.

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Grey Hair Don't Care last week.

#9 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 26-14

Here's a small chart with Tight Ends in Motion's record over the past four seasons:

They've beaten the other three teams at the lower end of D1 this session, and lost to the four teams at the top of the division. The yo-yo'ing back and forth between different QBs is killing them as they're not getting a chance for continuity. If Andy returns as TEIM's QB next season, they might double their win total and be favorites again.

#10 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 54-8

Okay we desperately needed to re-evaluate Joe Miano in our Power Rankings, especially after their annihilation of Bullet Club this week (who we also needed to re-evaluate...). Jabronies made a terrible first impression this season but have been unbeatable since then while accruing the second biggest win streak in the TSL. They've locked up the #1 seed, they have the second best offense in D3 behind only Can't Touch This, the #1 defense, and by far the best point differential per game. Okay Joe. We see you.

#11 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 41-38

Wanderers lost a classic to Can't Touch This on Saturday that came down to the very end (and apparently a shoe malfunction). They've won by 1, 2, 3 and 6 points this season, and lost by 3, 4 and 11. You can always count on Frank Laudico for entertainment.

#12 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 26-14

Scared Hitless were -101 point differential after three weeks. Since then they've been only -25 over their past four games. Look, it isn't great, but at least it's competitive football, which is better than their season started. Will Scared Hitless earn another playoff upset this season? We doubt it, but we didn't believe in them last season either and they proved us wrong.

#13 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Wanderers 41-38

Can't Touch This probably isn't the most complete team in their division with a defense allowing more than 30 points per game. But it might not matter if they can keep scoring. We've talked about Ryan's cannon for the last year or two now, but his decision making has improved so much too. If you're going to beat these guys in the playoffs, you might need to score 50.

#14 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Did Not Play

No Buchlis at the fields this week.

#15 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 24-14

The "destroying everyone by 30" phase of the season looks to be over for Puckett All-Stars, but they're still in first place. Their only loss of the season came against Buffalo Vice who, wouldn't ya know, they play again in the final week of the season! This is the rematch everyone wanted to see and will be the game of the week with 1st place in D4 (and a playoff date with Creekers) on the line.

#16 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 30-21

Freeballers have their QB1 back! Okay honestly we have no idea where to rank Dylan right now. He's better than 16th, but it feels like he hasn't played in a month so... how does 16th sound? Good? Okay. Freeballers came into the season with a lot of optimism and everything kind of went wrong right off the bat, but if there's an inspirational leader to bring them back for a playoff run, it's Jaloza.

#17 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Lost to Jabronies 54-8

Remember when Bullet Club was 3-0 and people were complaining they should be in D2? Things have gone poorly since then. The disappearance of Jeff Easton and a four game losing streak has this team struggling for identity with playoffs looming. But first: a rematch against Wanderers after their controversial Week One finish.

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 30-21, lost to No Punt Intended 36-21

Copy and paste whatever we wrote last week about Practice Squad, we're sure it's still true. Still competitive, still unable to get over that hump and beat a D2 team. Mavericks are their last chance to get a regular season win this season, and although we KNOW they can operate well as a last place playoff team, surely having a single win under their belts would bolster their confidence, right?

#19 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Beat Travis Henry's Kids 28-26

Buffalo Vice continue to roll through D4 this session and a win next week will lock up the #1 seed. Didn't we say in our pre-season prediction that these guys would win the championship? That feels like a lifetime ago, but we might actually get one of those predictions right...

#20 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated

Last Week: Beat Creekers 41-27, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-20

Passing While Intoxicated are just a HAIR below the rest of the D4 elites right now. Are Stunts, Puckett and Vice really THAT much better than PWI? Probably a bit. But TMA and Come From Behind were "better" than PWI last season in D5 and that didn't slow Playoff Buddy down even a little bit.

#21 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs / GrASS Eaters

Last Week: Beat Let's Get Reccked 32-29, lost to Vaspian 32-22 (Itches), beat Balls Deep 39-22 (GrASS)

Moser returned this week and went 2-1 including a dramatic last drive win over Let's Get Reccked. Take away their sub QB week and forfeit loss, and Itches are still one of a handful of D3 teams with a winning record. No one's talking about these guys as playoff favorites, but in a wide open D3, why not?

#22 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 28-26

Travis Henry's Kids have now lost three in a row and four out of five, with their only win since April coming against the Creekers. We thought these guys would be potential contenders in this division. What happened to Langley? Is Pete still on this team? Just throw the ball up in the air and let him get it, it's not rocket science.

#23 Paul LoVullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Beat Long Balls 34-14

You know those carnival games where you smash a mallet onto a machine and try to ring a bell at the top? (It's called "High Striker" if you want to Google it.) We bet Paul would CRUSH one of those things. Every time we watch a Come From Behind game he's blasting rockets around the field, probably just shattering his receivers' hands. Come From Behind vs GUCCI is going to be an awesome D5 championship game.

#24 Kelly Kane - GUCCI

Last Week: Beat Tater Tots 26-24

The TSL's greatest (ever?) female QB makes another appearance in our Power Rankings this week as Kelly won yet again to improve GUCCI's record to a D5 leading 5-1. They'll finish the regular season with a doubleheader against NSS (who they beat 34-0 a couple weeks ago) and ILF (who they haven't played yet). GUCCI already owns a tiebreaker over Come From Behind based on a 35-34 win earlier this season, so winning either of their games this weekend should be enough to lock them in as the #1 seed for playoffs.

#25 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 32-22, lost to Degeneration SeXy 42-34

If you're looking for a trendy playoff upset pick, look no further than Vaspian. Their regular season is over at 2-5-1, but their last SEVEN GAMES were decided by a single score. This could be a 5-2 team with just a few lucky bounces here and there. No one in D3 looks unbeatable right now and last season the division was won by the last place team. Why can't lightning strike twice in this division?

Fancy Statistics Section

Here's a simple graph of every offense in the League, compared to the Buffalo Bills SuperBowl era teams. Yes, we've done this before, and yes, we still like it:

***

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 25 May 2023 16:37; Published: Thursday, 25 May 2023 16:37; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 527

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

Some weeks we get beautiful weather and huge crowds at the bar. Other weeks we get miserable downpours and medical emergencies. Week Five was, unfortunately, the latter. Although our quarterbacks didn't get much of a chance to shine this past weekend in the heavy rain, our nurses and medical professionals did. Thank you to everyone who pitched in and helped out when one of our players went down last week - this League literally would not be possible without you.

And now, some Power Rankings:

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for the Sticky Bandits this week, so no movement in the Power Rankings for the last undefeated QB in D1.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Losing Streak 23-19 (Legends)

How have the Stunts only played three games on May 25th? And they've won only one of them?? Seems impossible. Big win for Legends this week as they took down Losing Streak in a close one. The defending champs still have the highest points per game in D1.

#3 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week: Lost to Legends 23-19, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 37-16 (Losing Streak), beat No Punt Intended 30-20 (Mavericks)

Jordan is undefeated in D1 against all the QBs beneath him in the Power Rankings and 0-2 against the two above him, so we'd say his Ranking is pretty easy to calculate right now. The big news this week was Mavericks taking down previously undefeated No Punt Intended which is a huge win in D2.

#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 19-8

We're not sure what's more surprising: Bobby scoring only 19 points in a game, or that somehow being enough for a two score win. Yes, the weather sucked on Saturday so we can't read much into any of these scores, but this was a big matchup for the D1 standings as it keeps Eyes Downtown out of the dreaded "1-Win Club" with Grey Hair, Scared Hitless and Frodo.

#5 Travis Cleavenger - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Lost to Mavericks 30-20

Travis kind of, sort of QBed a bit this week while dad duty took priority, so we won't hold a loss against him. Really, we should hold it against Kyle!

#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 41-13 (BAADies)

BAADies destroyed the makeshift team that Cobblestone threw together last minute (Darryl: you need more reliable teammates) and BAADies now sit a game away from .500. No, Garrett's not doing a ton of winning this session (Frodo and BAADies are a combined 3-6) but between a new-ish D1 team and a new gender team, no one can accuse him from ducking a challenge.

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 35-0

Practice Squad is NOT a bad team, and Untouchaballs made them look like absolute ASS this week. Yikes. Great performance by Untouchaballs to keep them neck and neck with NPI who, wouldn't ya know it, they're going to play this week! A win by Burr and team this Saturday will push them into first place in the D2 standings.

#8 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Lost to Losing Streak 37-16, lost to Scared Hitless 26-23

Eickhoff had this team looking strong out of the gate this season with a huge win over Frodo and a close loss to Eyes Downtown. Since then it's spiraled out of control a bit for Grey Hair - Don't Care as they dropped two more games on Saturday to fall to 1-6 with only one game remaining on their schedule (which thankfully is a rematch against Scared Hitless).

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 26-23

We were SURE that Scared Hitless would win a game eventually (they were way too good not to) and they caught Grey Hair at exactly the right time. Their remaining opponents this season are a combined 6-14 so not IMPOSSIBLE that Dylan gets some momentum here and racks up a few more wins to finish strong.

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week: Lost to Jabronies 38-27

The Wanderers finally played a game that wasn't settled by just a few points, and unfortunately they were on the wrong end of their first two-score outcome. Every team's goal in D3 should be to finish in the top two if they want to lock up a playoff matchup against one of the two teams that currently have a losing record, and Wanderers can help themselves at that tremendously by beating Can't Touch This in a couple weeks after their Memorial Day bye.

#11 Andy Smigiera - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 19-8

Tight Ends scored only 8 points in the rain for the second time this session. They should get Andy some better cleats or something, these rain games aren't working in his favor. Tight Ends failed to lock up their first winning record of the season, but it's only a matter of time with an athlete as deadly as Andy under center.

#12 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Did Not Play

Jeff sure misses a lot of games. He's better than Langley though, so he keeps his QB1 status on Bullet Club.

#13 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week: Tied Vaspian 27-27

Let's Get Reccked went from a middle of the road 2-2 record to a somehow even MORE middle of the road 2-2-1 on Saturday. Their remaining opponents this season are a combined 4-10, but there aren't really any BAD teams in D3 this session so we're not sure we'd call that as easy a schedule as it looks.

#14 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Game Cancelled

The Puckett All-Stars vs PWI game was understandably cancelled this week after the medical incident occurred during their game.

#15 Joe Miano - Jabronies

Last Week: Beat Wanderers 38-27

The Jabronies might be the hottest non-Puckett team in the TSL right now after rattling off their fourth win in a row. Take away their first game of the season (a dud against Let's Get Reccked) and they're +40 in their last four games, alone in first place in D3. We doubt Joe is missing the Interdimensional Lightning Falcons right now.

#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Untouchaballs 35-0

This is a new low for Practice Squad. After four weeks of "they really ARE competitive, they just need one more big play to pull off a win", they got absolutely SMOKED by a Untouchaballs. Weather didn't help... but it didn't HURT for Burr either it seems, who was still able to score 35. Practice Squad has some soul searching to do after this one.

#17 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 49-19

"The Jabronies might be the hottest non-Puckett team in the TSL right now after rattling off their fourth win in a row"? What about Can't Touch This?! ALSO 4-0 in their last four games, and they're +52 over that stretch! Their last loss, of course... was to the Jabronies. Whatever adjustments these guys made have worked, and Can't Touch This is poised for another D3 Finals this session (they made it last Fall, remember!)

#18 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Did Not Play

No THK game for Langley this week, although he did drop a game for Bullet Club in relief of Jeff Easton.

#19 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated

Last Week: Game Cancelled

The Puckett All-Stars vs PWI game was understandably cancelled this week after the medical incident occurred during their game.

#20 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week: Beat Creekers 44-14

The Creekers are the ultimate "get right game" opponent in D4 right now as Buffalo Vice was able to stop a two game losing streak with a resounding ass-kicking over the division's favorite punching bag. Buffalo Vice are one of four teams with a winning record in D4 right now and they boast the second best point differential as well (slightly behind Puckett All-Stars...)

Fancy Statistics Section

Amazing how fast we get from "it's too early to talk stats, we haven't played enough games yet" to "this season is almost over"! Last week we looked at every team's point differential per game - this week we're going to focus on just the ten best (and ten worst) teams across our three major categories:

What did we learn??

Well, we said it last week but we're forced to say it again, Puckett is playing some really great football this season. Besides being by FAR the best point differential in the League (the difference between #1 Puckett and #2 Legends is about the same as the difference between #2 Legends and #15 Bullet Club), Puckett is also the only team scoring more than 40 PPG... and they're actually scoring more than 50 PPG. Crazy.

Puckett is one of only four teams that appear in both the Top Ten Offenses chart and the Top Ten Defenses chart, along with Legends (#4 in the League on both sides of the ball), Southside (best defense in the League) and Sticky Bandits. And speaking of Sticky Nation, it's no coincidence that Not So Sticky (aka Sticky old-timers) and ILF (Sticky disciple Andrew Kicak's team) both appear in the Top Ten defenses list... but why is that Not So Sticky offense nearly the worst in the League? Don't they have access to the same playbook?

On the other side of the coin, there are also four teams that appear in the both the Worst Offenses and Worst Defenses charts: Scared Hitless (owners of the worst point differential per game in the League), Creekers (second worst Offense and Defense in the League), Frodo Swaggins (take note Garrett, your co-ed team is allowing slightly more points per game than BAADies!) and Goatsack (whose numbers would look a lot more respectable if you threw out their 32-0 Week One loss to Come From Behind).

When we copy/pasted this chart from last Fall season's file to start updating it, it was amazing how much life has changed in just a few months. The five best point differentials in the League just last season belonged to:

Tight Ends in Motion (currently 29th, with a losing record)
Frodo Swaggins (currently 43rd, with a losing record... that jump to D1 is a big one!)
Puckett All-Stars (currently 1st... okay not EVERYTHING is very different)
Cunning Stunts (currently 42nd with a losing record)
Not So Sticky (currently 26th with a losing record)

Take out Puckett and our four best teams from last season are a combined 6-11!

***

What's YOUR ranking?

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