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WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS
- Details
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Created: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08
- Published: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 681
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
This week we have your Top 25 Quarterbacks "Haiku edition" and your Division All-Stars. Enjoy!
#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Lost to Legends 36-30
Bro finally lost,
We blame it on his brother,
Tight Ends still in first.
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-30 (Legends), beat ILF 53-36 (Stunts)
Legends beat Tight Ends,
Stunts are highest scoring team,
Why isn't Batts first?
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-24
Four game streak is done,
Eyes Downtown lose to Bandits,
Where was Delecki?
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 36-24
Big win for Sticky,
First win against top tier team.
Finals bound again?
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Beat No Punt Intended 51-12
Frodo back on top,
Beats shorthanded NPI,
Finals will be sweet.
#6 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Conniff this week,
NPI sucks without him,
Fantastic with him.
#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Did Not Play
Replacements forfeit,
a massacre averted,
Hogan gets a win!
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Tied Grey Hair - Don't Care 33-33
Grey Hair and Hitless,
Tied in their game and standings,
Which team is better?
#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Tied Scared Hitless 33-33
Grey Hair and Hitless,
Tied in their game and standings,
Which team is better?
(What, we can't use the same Haiku twice?)
#10 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice Retro 37-36
One win since August,
and it was The Replacements.
Who saw this coming?
#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week: Beat Travis Henry's Kids 48-19
Taverna's a stud,
Puckett killing everyone,
Vince for MVP
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers
Last Week: Beat DILFS 34-32
Freeballers balling,
Dylan's so underrated,
Can he win playoffs??
#13 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week: Lost to Vaspian 27-18
Vaspian beat Nick??
Spinelli's should have crushed them,
Not sure what happened.
#14 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS
Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 34-32
DILFS are three and five,
Tough to win without defense.
Travis or Dubey??
#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Scotty this week,
Scott Senior should be starting!
It's the damn team's name!!
#16 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week: Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 34-25, beat Can't Touch This 39-26
A win and a loss,
Bullet Club leads division
for first time in years.
#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Beat 716 37-28
Congrats to the Squad,
six game winless streak's over!
Try to build on that...
#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week: Lost to Bullet Club 39-26, lost to Get Schwifty 46-8
Ryan missing girls,
Tough to win so shorthanded,
even with that arm.
#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week: Beat ILF 39-8, beat Cobblestone 48-12
Eighty-seven points,
That's a hell of a day Zack,
But we hate your shirts.
#20 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Seth at the fields,
Buff Vice Retro wins with sub.
Who wears short shorts? Seth!
#21 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week: Beat Woodpeckers 26-14
D5 up for grabs,
Come From Behind tied for lead!
Suck it, TMA
#22 Ryan Henry - TMA
Last Week: Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 24-14
That's two in a row,
what's going on TMA?
Don't choke for playoffs...
#23 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me
Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 42-25
McGregors are fast,
McGregors are winning games,
Watch out Bullet Club.
#24 Derek Pew - 716
Last Week: Lost to Practice Squad 37-28, beat Get Schwifty 27-16
Derek or Dylan,
Which one is the real QB?
Either can win games.
#25 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids
Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 47-20, lost to Puckett All-Stars 48-19
Two losses for John,
Distracted by the Ravens
upcoming failure.
***
Division All-Star Teams
We've been doing this for a few seasons now and we like the concept, so your TSL Division All-Stars are back! Here's how it works:
- We selected a team of 10 players from each division. Teams had to have one designated QB, at least five other male players, and at least three female players. The tenth spot could be either male or female depending on the strength of each particular division.
- Every division must have at least one All-Star from EACH team in the division. After each team gets their minimum one representative, we'll fill out the rest of the roster however we want. We TRY to spread this out so please don't write us an email asking why your team didn't have five all-stars.
- If a player plays in more than one division, they are only eligible for the highest division they play in, UNLESS it's for a different position (i.e. Jeremy Burr is eligible as both a receiver in D1 and a quarterback in D2, but Amber Hay is only eligible as a receiver in D1 and not D2). This came up a LOT. If you're wondering why you didn't make the All-Star team in the lower division you play in, please remember, you were never eligible... Especially Cunning Stunts, who have the best roster in D4 and yet NONE of them were eligible because they all play for other teams in higher divisions.
- This is not strictly a ranking of who the "best" player is on each team. You might see an athlete from one team make our list over a teammate that was higher than him or her on our Male/Female Rankings from the past couple of weeks. We're just looking for the best combination of players to fill out a team, and we'll take into account ALL that player offers when making our choices. For example, Derek Bongiovanni was rated more highly than Kyle Conniff on our Male Players list from last week, but if we think we'd get more out of Kyle's leadership and defense, we might choose him over Derek.
So that's how it works. It'll all be subjective of course so try not to get too excited when you don't see your name below. These are the best combination of All-Star teams WE could think of given the rules above. If you think you can do better, feel free to send us yours at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and we'll be happy to argue.
Oh, and the names within each category (male players vs female players) are arranged alphabetically by last name, so don't read anything into the order, they're not ranked best to worst.
Here are your Division All-Star Teams:
***
That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? two weeks in a row without a graph?? your feelings are hurt that we excluded your best friend from the Division All-Stars?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
WEEK 6 POWER RANKINGS
- Details
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Created: Thursday, 29 September 2022 20:23
- Published: Thursday, 29 September 2022 20:23
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1257
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
We don't have a graph for you today, but we do have your Top 25 QBs in the TSL and FINALLY our definitive rankings of the Top 25 Male Players (Non-QB) as well. Get ready to hate it!
#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 44-14
Tight Ends in Motion are winning by an average of 23.6 PPG, far and away the best in the League. And these are great teams they're beating! Bro remains the unquestioned #1 in the Power Rankings this week with #2 Joey Batts and Legends on deck for Saturday.
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat TOX 69-16 (Stunts)
With Legends having the week off, Joey must have decided to score two teams worth of points in one Cunning Stunts game, dropping 69 on poor TOX. The Stunts are one of only two undefeated teams left in the League (excluding Breakfast Club) and Joey can narrow that list down to one by beating Tight Ends this weekend.
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 52-17
It's a shame that Eyes Downtown lost to both Legends and Tight Ends in Motion this year, because they've absolutely murdered everybody else. Bobby is winning by an average of nearly 23 PPG excluding his two biggest rivals. Eyes Downtown are one of only six teams in the league averaging over 40 PPG on offense.
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Beat The Replacements 49-14
There's not much to learn about a QB from destroying the worst team in the division below him, but Mike Thomas goes up in the Power Rankings anyway with a Frodo Swaggins loss. The Sticky Bandits ended their three-game losing streak (all to the QBs above Mike in the Rankings) to get a much-needed win going into the ladder match weeks.
#5 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 38-12
No Punt Intended have played six games in the last three weeks (including a forfeit win over Untouchaballs) and now own the best record, best point differential, best offense and best defense in D2. No one was picking these guys as division favorites before the season (to be fair, no one even knew who they were). But Kyle is now leading the #1 team in his division and jumps to #5 in our Power Rankings.
#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice Retro 29-0, lost to No Punt Intended 38-12
Seems unfair to drop two spots in the Power Rankings the same week you win a game 29-0, but that's where Garrett finds himself this week. Frodo may still be the best team in their division at full strength, but that loss to No Punt Intended showed that it's no longer a one-team race for the D2 championship. Tune in at 10 am this week for the rematch!
#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Did Not Play
Happy birthday Hogan... Hopefully your family threw you a better party than Eyes Downtown! Yeah, we know, Hogan wasn't there last week so his team lost without him. The reigning D2 champs still have only one win on the season way back in August, but we suspect they'll earn another this week against The Replacements.
#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Did Not Play
Untouchaballs biggest rivals this season are apparently their own players' social lives, as they forfeited their second game of the season due to off-field conflicts. Their only win since August has been against The Replacements (the third time their name has come up in this article so far). Burr still has the talent and the players to make noise in the playoffs, but you'd like to see them get a signature win at some point.
#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 44-14
We keep writing every week about how Scared Hitless is RIGHT in it every week and how they hadn't lost by more than a score all season. Well, they lost by 30 on Saturday, but that'll happen against the best team in the League. The ladder match weeks should be kinder to Dylan, who could easily still finish 4-5 before playoffs.
#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for Grey Hair last week, but they must be excited about playing Scared Hitless this week, as it's the only D1 team they've beaten so far this season.
#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week: Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 50-35
We've been mistakenly giving credit to four-time TSL champion (and one-time D4 MVP) T.J. Ferguson in this spot the last few weeks. Turns out it's actually Vince Taverna of All We Do is Quinn fame that's throwing for Puckett this season. Fifty points against ILF Vince, not too bad.
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week: Beat Scott Seniors Starting 55-46, beat Mountain Dew Me 29-28 (716)
Can we just say Dylan is the starter for 716 now??? It feels like he goes in every time there's trouble. 84 points, two wins, that's a good weekend. 716 is now the highest scoring team in D3 at 34.5 PPG.
#13 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 62-34
Spinelli's has stolen the title of "League's highest scoring non-gender team" from Tight Ends in Motion this week with a 62 point blasting of Cobblestone. 43.7 PPG is huge. And yet somehow these guys are still only third in their division?
#14 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS
Last Week: Did Not Play
Travis is a backup QB that didn't even play this past weekend, and yet we keep him ranked (though down a few spots this week) because of his fill-in work for DILFS.
#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Did Not Play
OH NO IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! The team name is new, but the collapse is all too familiar for Scott Seniors Starting, who seem to do this every session. How is there even enough time on the clock for two teams to combine for 101 points in a game??
#16 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 30-24
Can't Touch This was the darling of D4 last season the way they improved throughout the session, and it seems they're doing it again in D3. Ryan is great, his girls are great, and Anthony Battaglia is no slouch either. We wouldn't call these guys "favorites" exactly but they're certainly "real contenders".
#17 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Did Not Play
Buffalo Vice Retro was shut out for the second time this session, and they have yet to score more than 20 points against a team NOT named "The Replacements" (it's crazy how often that team comes up in our disclaimers). Frodo is a really good opponent so the outcome doesn't surprise us, even if the final 29-0 score does.
#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Lost to Get Schwifty 35-32
We're ready to throw in the towel on our preseason predictions for Practice Squad. For whatever reason they're just not able to pull off a win in any of these close games this year as they drop to dead last in their division. Now the good news for the Squad is that it's a VERY even division so if you're going to bet on any #8 seeds to upset a #1 seed this year, this would be the one to pick.
#19 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week: Lost to Mountain Dew Me 29-28
Bullet Club finally loses a game thanks to Mountain Dew Me and a "questionable" clock situation. You didn't think they'd go undefeated, did you? This is really Buffalo vs Miami if you think about it: A lot had to go wrong for these guys to lose, and it doesn't change the fact that they're still going to have a great season. Jeff and company just need to chalk it up to an unlucky situation and move on.
#20 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 31-0
How does a team averaging nearly 40 PPG get shut out by a team that entered the game with a losing record? We were NOT close to predicting this one, we'll be the first to admit. Zack Attack, you're a great team and you'll bounce back. Burn the game film from this one.
#21 Ryan Henry - TMA
Last Week: Lost to Woodpeckers 35-24
Last week in our division analysis we compared TMA to last session's Travis Henry's Kids: massive favorites that really ought to win their division barring a fluke. And now they have one other thing in common... they've both lost to Woodpeckers! We're not sure if TMA was missing players, over-confident or simply outplayed, but the message here is that no team is safe on any given Saturday.
#22 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Paul at the fields last week, but his team won 34-0 without him. Not a good sign for his D5 MVP campaign!
#23 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids
Last Week: Beat TOX 41-19, beat Vaspian 36-8
Well look who made it into our TSL QB Power Rankings. Mr. "I can win for other teams but not my own" has finally won a pair of games for Travis Henry's Kids. And neither of them was particularly close either! Congrats to John Langley. No, he doesn't get a graph this week, but he DOES get to admit the League was right to move him up to D4 where he now has a positive point differential...
#24 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me
Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 29-28, lost to 716 29-28
When was the last time a team won and lost a game on the same day by the exact same score? Congrats on your consistency Mountain Dew Me! No one in D3 really stands out as a huge favorite, so why not the Dew Me Crew this year? They're as fast and athletic as anyone in this League.
#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs
Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 30-24
Itches continues to compete and play better than their record suggests. One more point against Practice Squad, five more points against Bullet Club, seven more points against Can't Touch This, and they'd be 5-2 instead of 2-4-1. We don't think they'll win D3, but we're guessing their elimination game will come down to the final drive.
***
The Greatest Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL
If our Greatest Female Players rankings from a couple weeks ago were any indication, it seems like no one is ever happy with their ranking. We expect more of the same from this week's Greatest Male Players rankings. We'll try to recognize you by ranking you above 90% of your peers (that is the point of this segment after all), you'll complain we didn't recognize you ENOUGH by ranking you ahead of everyone else, and then you'll bitch about how we don't know what we're talking about, how this is all just a popularity contest and biased against you because blah blah blah. Oh, and you probably didn't even respond to our numerous requests to send in your votes and let your voice be heard, did you? You had your chance. We're sorry your peers don't think you're as good as you do. Just keep in mind when you're whining to your friends and teammates about your rank, they're probably thinking "at least he GOT ranked, why does no one ever notice me?".
With that said, here's a reminder of what we're looking for on our "Greatest Male Players (Non-QB)" list:
- Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best male players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
- Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
- They must be actively playing this session. No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you're not playing regularly, you're not eligible.
- If you happen to add versatility as your team's backup QB, that's truly helpful for your team and they're lucky to have that from you. But it doesn't factor into our rankings.
So that's our criteria. In past sessions (and even the Female Rankings a couple weeks ago) we've done write ups for each person to say why they deserve to be ranked as high as they are, but this time we're just going to list the names. Why is that you ask? Because... you're all ungrateful, and you're just going to complain about how you should have been ranked higher anyway! Ungrateful players don't deserve write-ups saying how great they are. Do we sound a little bitter? DO WE???
That being said, here are the Top 25 Male (Non-QB) Players in the League according to our panel of experts (and including the feedback of people who DID write in):
#25: Ron Webber - TMA
#24: Anthony Deak - Bullet Club, Travis Henry's Kids
#23: George Lombardo - Grey Hair - Don't Care, Freeballers
#22: Kevin Zack - Sticky Bandits
#21: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Freeballers
#20: James Celotto - Passed Our Prime, 716
#19: Matt Helm - Untouchaballs
#18: Pete Walbrandt - Bullet Club, Travis Henry's Kids
#17: Ben Stack - Eyes Downtown
#16: Pete Nguyen - Legends
#15: Jonny Yioulos - Scared Hitless
#14: Blake Fisher - Frodo Swaggins
#13: Travis Cleavenger - Legends, DILFS
#12: Drew Colosimo - Sticky Bandits
#11: Chris Nelson - Legends
#10: Nick Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716
#9: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown
#8: Ralph Finney - Passed Our Prime
#7: Andy Smigiera - Eyes Downtown
#6: Kyle Conniff - Tight Ends in Motion, No Punt Intended
#5: Adrian Cannon - Sticky Bandits, TOX
#4: Dave Gdaniec - Tight Ends in Motion
#3: Mike Boccio - Legends
#2: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion
#1: Sean Weisensal - Legends, Frodo Swaggins
The biggest complaint we got last season was that we ranked "too many" Tight Ends in Motion guys. Guess what? They're 7-0 this season with their longtime QB back under center. Maybe we DID know what we were talking about...
So here's our challenge to you now: if you're going to complain about these Rankings, don't just say they were "bullshit" or "biased" or "all the same old people". And don't just say "person X should have been WAY higher". Put your money where your mouth is (so to speak) and send us your OWN list. We'll be happy to publish it next week, with your name attached as the creator, and we'll see if people think you did any better.
***
That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? no graph this week? you don't think Travis Henry's Kids deserves two of the top 25 male athletes in the League?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS
- Details
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Created: Thursday, 15 September 2022 19:56
- Published: Thursday, 15 September 2022 19:56
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1316
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
We've expanded to a Top Twenty in our QB rankings AND we've covered the Top Twenty female players in the League as well?? So much for you guys to disagree with this week! Remember: female player rankings are SUPPOSED to be a compliment to those players, not an insult that we didn't rank YOUR girls (or that we didn't rank them higher). We're not worried, we're sure you'll have a very mature response to the rankings below... Right....
Enjoy!
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 32-24 (Legends), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 44-40, beat Buffalo Vice 52-32 (Stunts)
Last week we wrote "Three wins, zero losses, one hundred twenty-two points scored for Joey Batts on Saturday. Legends and Stunts are a combined 7-0 to start the season, and Joey has not been lower than 2nd in our Power Rankings since... well, the day Travis built him a super-team." This week he got... three more wins, zero losses, 128 more points, and a combined 10-0 record to start the season. There are six undefeated teams in the TSL and two of them have Joey Batts at QB.
#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 46-32, beat Untouchaballs 49-25
95 points for Bro on Saturday with two big wins over Sticky Bandits and Untouchaballs. In case the League forgot about how good Bro is, Tight Ends and their undefeated record are ready to remind everyone.
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 36-26, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 54-0
The top three QBs this week all scored a boatload of points, huh? Bobby had 90 on Saturday including a 54-nothing blanking of Buffalo Vice Retro. Is it fun to win 54-0, or does it get boring by the end?
#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Lost to Legends 32-24, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 46-32
The Sticky Bandits didn't lose a regular season game by more than 6 last session, but they lost two by more than that on Saturday. Alright, it was against the top two teams in the League so the sky is hardly falling here.
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for D2 powerhouse Frodo Swaggins this week.
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game AND no reffing for Hogan this past week. No wonder all the games went smoothly.
#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 49-25
Crossover games are tough. They're even tougher when you're missing half your squad! Not much to say about this beatdown. Untouchaballs seem to be coasting through the regular season just waiting to crush teams in the playoffs.
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 36-26
Scared Hitless is 2-3 but they haven't lost a game by more than one score this season. Not the kind of team you'd like to see in the playoffs when one small mistake could mean the end of your season.
#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Beat DILFS 51-35
51 points is a good day any way you want to look at it. We won't read too much into Grey Hair's season on a crossover opponent started by a backup QB, but hey, Eickhoff didn't choose the schedule and a win's a win.
#10 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Beat the Replacements 44-22, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 31-12
From "brand new-ish team" to 4th highest scoring team in the League. That was quick. We figured Kyle's offense would be good after last week's battle against Scared Hitless but the defense gave up only 34 points in two games on Saturday too.
#11 Brandt Dubey - DILFS
Last Week: Did Not Play
At what point do we cross off Dubey on this list and write in Travis instead? Attendance matters!
#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week: Did Not Play
Dylan didn't play this week and Freeballers put up 61 without him. Is he holding them back??? (Short answer: no)
#13 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 46-23, lost to Itches and Ohs 39-36
We forgot this team existed after they took the last two weeks off. They're back, and Scotty went 1-1 on Saturday to keep his team right near the top of the D3 standings just behind Bullet Club. Didn't he used to throw for those guys back in D2?
#14 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week: Beat Vaspian 32-14, beat Zack Attack 32-31
Puckett F'n All-Stars are 4-1 with the second-best record and second-best points per game in D4. Strong start to the season for TJ and company. That 51-44 Week One loss to Cunning Stunts must really annoy them every time they look at the Standings.
#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week: Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 38-24, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-40
Four points short of keeping pace with D4 giants Cunning Stunts and a 14-point win over previously undefeated Interdimensional Lightning Falcons is a pretty great day for Spinelli's. It's always strange to see a team do so well against their division's top teams, and then play to a tie against one of the division's cellar-dwellers another week.
#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 46-23
Practice Squad might be in a full-on spiral right now. After an impressive Week One win, B has failed to lead the Squad to a W in any of their next four outings. We know this isn't D4 anymore, but they've got to be better than this, right?
#17 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 54-0, lost to No Punt Intended 31-12
12 points across two games on Saturday, 12.8 PPG on the season and an 0-4 record can't possibly be what Buffalo Vice Retro had in mind when they splintered off into a D2 team this session. We're not sure what the problem is, attendance, play calling or execution?
#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for the League's POSSIBLY strongest arm this weekend (Ryan vs Paul Lovullo arm-wrestling match, let's make it happen).
#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week: Lost to Puckett All-Stars 32-31
Zack Attack finally lost this week but they're still doing great in the standings (and compared to our expectations). This was a team that always played great defense but is suddenly scoring nearly 35 PPG. Big credit to Zack for whatever adjustments he's made this session (even if it's just adding Sam Lattuca).
#20 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week: Lost to TMA 35-34
Come From Behind lost the battle of the undefeated D5 teams on Saturday, but we're still somehow ranking their QB over TMA's right now. It's splitting hairs really, but Paul has a SLIGHTLY better points per game (7th in the League to TMA's 12th) so he gets the nod.
***
Here we go! The official TSL Best Female Players in the League rankings that we assume you will all 100% agree with and not complain about at ALL at the bar...
Our goal here is to rank the greatest active female players in the TSL, as determined by our own panel of experts along with input from everyone that emailed us this week to weigh in. We didn't take all of your suggestions (we don't even know who some of the girls we were emailed about are) but when you see the same names over and over again it's kind of obvious who the best really are. So here's what we're looking for on our "Greatest Female Players" list:
- Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best female players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
- Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
- They must be actively playing this session. No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you haven't been playing regularly (hi Robin!) you're not eligible.
So that's our criteria. Please keep in mind that there are about two HUNDRED women in the League and we're showing only the Top 10% of that here, so it is no insult not to be named here, or to be named toward the lower end of this list. You're welcome to complain about how disrespected you feel (you probably will...) but our intention here is the exact opposite, to show respect to the best of the best (in our unscientific opinions). With that being said... here are your top Twenty Female Players in the TSL according to our panel of experts!
#20: Nicole Sharick - Sticky Bandits
Nicole is one of the better female deep threat receivers in the League as she has the speed and the hands to pull in a deep ball whenever a defense thinks they can sleep on her. They really can't.
#19: Sam Lattuca - Zack Attack
Where do you want to start? The great hands, the smothering defense? Or maybe the fact that she's the best (part-time) female quarterback in the League? Zack Attack immediately upgraded by adding Sam.
#18: Katie Swanson - Spinelli's Plumbing
Katie is one of the most reliable female receivers in the League. Just a great, consistent playmaker and routinely called out by other players that write in to us to say, "don't forget about Katie Swanson!" Don't worry, we haven't.
#17: Ashtin Fiegel - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts
The "fast girl" on Practice Squad, Ashtin has the speed to complement Renee's route running in one of the better one-two punches in the League. And just when D4 thought they were finally rid of her, she joined the Stunts!
#16: Kayla Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716
Every Kayla Voss game seems to have at least one great play where the sideline collectively says, "who is THAT girl"? That girl is Kayla, and she's a freakishly good athlete. If you don't know her, you will soon.
#15: Emma Patterson - Tight Ends in Motion, Buffalo Vice Retro
Is there a faster receiver in the TSL right now than Emma Patterson? We're not sure. She might not have the big game experience of some of her TEIM female teammates, but no one can doubt her abilities.
#14: Misty Himes - Zack Attack
Misty is such a dangerous receiver who can attack a defense in so many different ways. A short gain turned into a big one? A full-field TD catch? Misty seems to have every move in her skillset.
#13: Rachel Parker - Buffalo Vice Retro, Lenny's Ladies
Rachel is an aggressive defender and an outstanding receiver that always puts herself in position to make big plays. You can't beat her combination of route running, instincts, speed and hands.
#12: Maddie Norton - Legends, Lenny's Ladies
Legends, Cobblestone, Lenny's Ladies, Varsity Has Beens, Maddie has immediately upgraded any team she has ever joined with her combination of speed and hands. Elite level talent.
#11: Renee Lantz - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts
It's possible that no one, male or female, gives a better effort on Saturdays than Renee Lantz. A fantastic route runner with great hands, any defender needs to give Renee their fullest respect or she'll make them look foolish.
#10: Laura Streeter - Sticky Bandits, Itches and Ohs
Laura is the ironwoman of the TSL who plays just as ferociously in her fourth game of the day as she does in her first. Athletic and aggressive, Laura isn't afraid to dive around the field to make a play.
#9: Christine Krol - Sticky Bandits, Not So Sticky
The better Krol is one of the League's best females in coverage and she has the speed and skills to catch breakaway deep TDs as well... when she's not too busy throwing them.
#8: Taylor Pagano - Legends, Cunning Stunts
When Taylor's not getting drunk at the bar (her primary focus in the TSL) she can be seen dominating on the fields. Whether you need smothering defense or a big play on offense, her game is as strong as her attitude.
#7: Katie Keller - DILFS, Scott Seniors Starting
League legend Katie Keller continues her run of dominance as one of the best female athletes in the TSL. Hands, instincts and a knack for playmaking make her the focus of any team she's on.
#6: Amber Hay - Grey Hair - Don't Care, No Punt Intended
The League's most improved female player continues to get better each session. Amber is a Breakfast Club captain, a D2 team captain, and a receiver that seems impossible to cover at times.
#5: Heather Cepuchowski - Legends
The best girl on the best team in the League, Heather is a great route runner who rarely drops a pass. Someone has to make Joey look good out there...
#4: Jamie Warren - Scared Hitless, No Punt Intended
The perfect combination of speed and athleticism, Jamie makes her presence felt every week on the fields. She's also debatably the best female defender in the League.
#3: Caitlyn Mason - Buffalo Vice Retro, Buffalo Vice
No one in the League is more dangerous with the ball in her hands. Caitlyn can stop on a dime and juke you out of your cleats. She doesn't have to run high difficulty routes, because she turns the easy ones into huge gains.
#2: Katie Salisbury - Tight Ends in Motion, Frodo Swaggins
Katie is officially back after missing most of last season with an injury, and she's still the same nightmare to cover that she used to be. If you've played against her, you know. The only other girl on this list so far to receive ANY votes for #1.
#1: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs
Mel is still the gold standard two seasons in a row now. She's the human highlight reel, she's the scariest player on the list, she's the girl you will NEVER defend with another girl. The best in the League.
Common complaints of this Ranking in the past include:
- "They totally snubbed this girl on my team!"
- "I can't believe they think THIS girl is better than THAT girl!"
- "This is all just a popularity contest!"
Yeah, yeah, we get it. You disagree. Just make sure when you're complaining about it at the bar that you focus on why you or another girl should be HIGHER, and not why someone else should be LOWER, because that's always a bad look.
***
What? You hated that list, but didn't email us to make suggestions? Don't make that mistake again!! Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think we should include on our next list. Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions. This is what's next:
- September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
- September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
- October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
***
That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Any "Best Females" list without Brandy or Rachel Grampp is a joke? you know deep down that all twenty girls on this list are better than yours, but you want to complain they were robbed anyway?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS
- Details
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Created: Thursday, 22 September 2022 17:28
- Published: Thursday, 22 September 2022 17:28
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1364
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
We have graphs, we have an expanded TOP 25 for our QB Rankings, and we have our very official, VERY serious "Best TSLers at the Bar" rankings.
Enjoy!
#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Beat Legends 47-16, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 38-8
The last time Bro was #1 in the Power Rankings was September 22nd 2021... Exactly one year ago today. You can't make this shit up folks. Tight Ends destroyed Legends and Grey Hair to completely flip the story in D1. This is TEIM's season, and the most underrated QB in TSL history has them undefeated through the first five weeks.
#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 50-42, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 47-16 (Legends), beat Zack Attack 51-48 (Stunts)
Legends lost, and lost badly on Saturday, which means the reign of Battaglia on top of the Power Rankings is over for now. Chris Cole remains the only QB to ever go wire-to-wire as #1 in our Rankings for a whole season (wayyy back in Spring 2019). Joey DID score 50+ in two other games on Saturday so not a terrible day all things considered.
#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 44-15
Bobby got a measure of revenge against the Sticky Bandits for ending his Spring session a few months ago by crushing them by nearly 30 points on Saturday. The top three teams in the D1 standings are averaging 41.5 PPG (TEIM) and 39.0 PPG (Eyes Downtown and Legends) and they have now all played against each other, with Eyes Downtown going 0-2 against those teams... and 4-0 against everyone else.
#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 43-41 (D1 Crossover game)
If there was a D2 team that was going to win a D1 Crossover game, it was always going to be Frodo Swaggins. The "D1.5" squad Garrett assembled barely squeaked by Passed Our Prime on Saturday, but they have to feel confident about the rest of their schedule, playoffs included. No Punt Intended might be the only threat to their undefeated season... and would you look at that, they play each other this week.
#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 44-15
While there's no shame in losing to Eyes Downtown, we were shocked to see a Mike Thomas offense (even one missing a good chunk of its players) score only 15 points on Saturday. This is the QB that nearly led the League in scoring last session. Sticky Bandits are now 0-3 against the "Big Three" D1 teams this session, but to be fair they lost to all the top teams LAST session also, and still made the D1 Finals.
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 43-41 (D2 Crossover game)
We're not sure who the underdog was in the Frodo vs Passed Our Prime game last week since Frodo is practically a D1 team (terrible luck of the draw on scheduling for P.O.P. there) but Hogan certainly delivered, scoring 41 points in a near win. Stop us if you've heard this one before, but Passed Our Prime is third worst in the entire TSL in defense, behind only the Replacements and Buffalo Vice.
#7 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Beat Freeballers 54-29, beat DILFS 36-21
No Punt Intended is still undefeated against their own division with their only loss coming in their season opening D1 Crossover game. Their defense has improved after a shaky start, and their offense is #2 in the entire TSL behind only Cunning Stunts. What will Kyle do when/if NPI upsets Frodo in the Finals and moves up to D1?
#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Lost to DILFS 48-46
Forty-six points really ought to be enough to win any game (we're sure Zack Attack would agree). The Untouchaballs defense couldn't support Burr and their offense though and the team dropped to 2-3 on the season with No Punt Intended awaiting them this week. Untouchaballs still has the talent to win D2, but momentum is not on their side this season.
#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Lost to Legends 50-42
It seems like the same story every week - Scared Hitless plays well, then barely loses to an elite team. Dylan STILL has yet to lose a game by more than one score this session. We suspect they're not going to get great betting odds from the Godfather's playoff preview in a few weeks, which is fair, but we wouldn't be shocked to see them go on a run.
#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-8
8 points isn't very good, Dave! Then again Legends didn't do a whole lot better against that Tight Ends in Motion defense, so maybe not a great opponent to judge yourself against. Grey Hair is currently last in their division in offense and point differential per game. Still, we admire their guts for jumping up to D1 when so many would have been afraid to try it. They're not far off these other teams.
#11 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS
Last Week: Beat Untouchaballs 48-46, lost to No Punt Intended 36-21
We gave up Dubey's spot to Travis this week, because he's essentially the starter every week now when QB1 doesn't show up. 48 points in a win against last season's D3 champs, and a two-score loss against red hot No Punt Intended... Not a bad performance for QB2!
#12 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars
Last Week: Beat TOX 46-12
Puckett All-Stars are sixth in the TSL in scoring at 40.3 PPG and second in their division behind only Cunning Stunts. We could be seeing a playoff preview this week when TJ and team face off against the one-loss Interdimensional Lightning Falcons.
#13 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week: Did Not Play
Haven't seen much of Dylan this session. Where is this guy?
#14 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing
Last Week: Beat Travis Henry's Kids 54-30
Puckett All-Stars gets a slight edge over Spinelli's in our Power Rankings on account of their better record, but Spinelli's DOES have a slightly better points per game at the moment (40.7 PPG, fifth in the TSL). Nick's lead should only get wider this weekend too after Spinelli's takes on Cobblestone.
#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Lost to Get Schwifty 29-14, lost to Mountain Dew Me 34-16
If this is the start of Scott Seniors Starting's usual mid-season downturn... well, it's predictably RIGHT on schedule. Losses to Mountain Dew Me and previously winless Get Schwifty are hard to explain otherwise, unless Scotty was missing half his team. S.S.S. is 18th in the TSL in scoring but somehow still 1st in their division? D3 must be more defense heavy this season, apparently.
#16 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Beat the Replacements 35-6, beat Freeballers 20-13
Buffalo Vice Retro wins! Buffalo Vice Retro wins! Seth led his team to not one but two victories this week, against... okay, the Replacements probably doesn't mean as much, but Freeballers is a quality win! Good to see this team put up some W's after a tough start to the season.
#17 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This
Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 38-32
Can't Touch This is square in the middle of the D3 standings right now with a 2-2 record and a -8 point differential on the season. A win over Itches and Ohs this week won't pull them even with Bullet Club, but it COULD put them at #2 in the division with just a couple weeks to play. Ryan only got better throughout Spring session - if he keeps improving this Fall in D3, Can't Touch This could be a real contender.
#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 38-32
The wheels have fallen off for Practice Squad. Just one season after being unstoppable, the same core of people now has the 30th best offense and 32nd best defense in the TSL. We know it's a big jump from D4 to D3, but Can't Touch This seems to be managing it...
#19 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club
Last Week: Beat 716 46-26
We probably should have been ranking Jeff for weeks, but his early attendance/injury issues made us unsure who was actually going to QB for Bullet Club this session. Well, it's Jeff, and he's spectacular. Bullet Club continues their improbable undefeated season and Easton is a major part of it (with credit where credit is due to John Langley... see our graphs below!)
#20 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack
Last Week: Lost to Cunning Stunts 51-48
Zack Elphick scored 48 in a losing effort and the Attack JUST missed out on the Top Ten offenses in the TSL this week at 37.2 PPG. Their two losses this season are by a combined four points, so it's safe to say these guys have been "competitive" this season.
#21 Ryan Henry - TMA
Last Week: Beat Come From Behind 43-22, beat Let's Get Reccked 36-20
Finally, the disrespect ends for TMA as we include a long overdue Ryan Henry in our Power Rankings this session. Or one could argue the disrespect continues that we're not rating him higher despite being the top offense in D5 (and tenth best in the TSL). TMA is undefeated and nearly doubling the next best team in their division in point differential per game. This is what we call a "playoff favorite".
#22 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind
Last Week: Lost to TMA 43-22, beat Today's Feast 26-18
Come From Behind's only two losses this session have come against TMA and... TMA. These teams are definitely meeting in the D5 finals, right? We can't imagine anyone else stopping Paul at this point.
#23 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lighning Falcons
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for Interdimensional Lightning Joe last week.
#24 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me
Last Week: Beat Scott Seniors Starting 34-16
Full disclaimer: all the McGregor's look exactly the same to us, so we're not sure who's throwing for Mountain Dew Me. We'll assume it's still Cody, the man once described by his captain as "the youngest of the four brothers, made from the leftovers. Fueled by bud light and mcchicken sandwiches. He was moved from receiver to QB due to lack of speed in his legs but makes up for it with power in his arm".
#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs
Last Week: Beat Get Schwifty 22-12
Itches has always been one of those "Passed Our Prime" type teams where the offense carries the defense, and when they win it's usually a 43-42 shootout where their girls score about five TDs. Interestingly this season though their offense is seventh in their division while their defense is fifth, and their last two games they've given up only 25 points. About time Steve got a little help from the other side!
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A couple weeks ago we showed a graph of the best offenses in the League by division. It was interesting (at least to us, maybe you hate graphs) but it only tells half the story. Offense really doesn't mean a thing if your team is allowing 45 points per game on defense. The best way to understand overall team performance is point differential per game - so that's what we've graphed this week.
Positive differentials (average points scored per week are greater than average points allowed) are shown in green while negative differentials are shown in pink. We didn't label each bar with the actual number because it looks too "busy" with all that data distracting from the visual, but you can get a sense of where your team is relative to others around the League.
So what did that tell us about each division?
D1 was pretty much viewed as a two team race between Legends and Tight Ends in Motion coming into last week, but Legends is actually only third in point differential per game (PDPG). Tight Ends are crushing the rest of the League at +22.5 PDPG, while Eyes Downtown are second in D1 (and third in the League) at +16.3 PDPG. Of course, this is all pretty skewed by Tight Ends kicking Legends' ass this past week, but that's how it always goes with this type of data. Outside of the "Big Three" there's not much difference between the other four teams in D1 statistically.
Two things stand out in D2: there are two great teams that are much better than the rest... and one team that is losing by nearly 40 points per game. Untouchaballs, Freeballers and to a lesser degree DILFS are all kind of mediocre, but Frodo Swaggins and No Punt Intended are just a mile ahead right now. Poor Replacements... that is one long pink bar on the graph.
Undefeated Bullet Club having the best PDPG in D3 isn't a surprise. What IS a bit surprising to us is that 716 was second. They're showing as sixth in the standings right now, but that's mostly a product of them only playing four games so far this year, apparently. D3 doesn't seem to have any truly "bad" teams this session as it has the narrowest gap between the best team and the worst team in a division (19 PDPG). If you're looking for playoff upsets, this seems to be where you're going to find them.
Cunning Stunts has the best record in D4 but the gap between their point differentials and Zack Attacks and Pucketts is next to nothing. The TOP of this division is more balanced than any other in the League, although there's a clear drop-off after the best three teams.
D5 is clearly TMA's to lose. Come From Behind is the ONLY other team with a positive point differential, and they've already lost to TMA twice this session (once by a point and once by, well, much more than a point). Every other team in the division... we don't want to say they have ZERO chance in the playoffs because anything can happen (just ask Travis Henry's Kids last year!) but the odds are quite low that anyone other than TMA or Come From Behind will be hoisting a D5 trophy at the banquet this year.
Blitzkrieg is the #1 team in the D6 standings but somehow only #3 in the graph behind Not So Sticky and Superior Moser Squad. Like D3 and D4, this division seems open to just about anyone. If you toss out Not So Sticky's biggest win of the season over a short-handed Lenny's Ladies team, the best team in the division would be Superior Moser Squad... with only +4.8 PDPG. No one's running away with the D6 title this season!
And just because we like making graphs, here's one more for this week:
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How about that "Best Female Players in the League" ranking last week? Pretty spot on, right? Okay, no one EVER agrees with those things and it's impossible to get a real consensus. Having said that, OUR biggest pet peeve is when people say "that list was so fucked up" without offering a better one. Think you know better than we do? Prove it and send us YOUR rankings. It's not easy!
But in the spirit of "easy" rankings, here's a much lighter, much less controversial ranking for this week - We give you... the Best TSLers at the Bar (active players only)
10. Buddy Lee
9. Kelly Liddle
8. Jenna Blachura
7. John Langley
6. Darryl Carr
5. Jeremy Streit
4. Joe K
3. Ricky Recckio
2. Dave Walter
1. Garrett Beesing
"What about Zack Attack??? What about Katie and Stegs, what about Steph, what about the Clarkes, what about TOPPER?"
Yeah. We've got a lot of great bar people that make Saturdays fun for all of us. We could have easily done a Top Fifty. What a League!
***
What? You hated that list, but didn't email us to make suggestions? Don't make that mistake again!! Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think we should include on our next list. Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions. This is what's next (and it's a big one!):
- September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
- October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
***
That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Graphs should have more number labels on them? Come From Behind and TMA deserved better on the Best TSLers at the Bar list?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS
- Details
- Category: TSL QB Power Rankings
- Created: Thursday, 08 September 2022 14:21
- Published: Thursday, 08 September 2022 14:21
- Written by Jeff Krol
- Hits: 1260
Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!
This week we expand our coverage to the Top 15 QBs in the League (can you believe your team's QB STILL didn't make our list?), we introduce our first "way too early to matter" team scoring graph, and we give you your FINAL WARNING to write us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let us know who you think the Top Female Players in the League are, because we're publishing that list next week.
Enjoy!
#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts
Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 39-33, beat Eyes Downtown 41-26 (Legends), beat Cobblestone 42-24 (Cunning Stunts)
Three wins, zero losses, one hundred twenty-two points scored for Joey Batts on Saturday. Legends and Stunts are a combined 7-0 to start the season, and Joey has not been lower than 2nd in our Power Rankings since... well, the day Travis built him a super-team.
#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits
Last Week: Did Not Play
No game for Sticky Bandits this past week, but Mike will get a shot at the #1 and #3 ranked QBs in a doubleheader next week that could have a huge impact on the D1 race for the #1 seed (and first round bye).
#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion
Last Week: Did Not Play
Bro moves up a spot without taking a snap this week! This guy just makes it look too easy.
#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown
Last Week: Lost to Legends 41-26, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 48-23
Eyes Downtown easily handled Grey Hair - Don't Care before falling to the reigning D1 champs. Bobby is 1-2 and sitting in 5th place in the standings right now... but does anyone think that's going to last? E.D. started 0-2 last session before they ripped off a huge winning streak. The schedule has to get easier from here on out, and we'd be shocked if this team finishes under .500.
#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins
Last Week: Beat Untouchaballs 24-22, beat Freeballers 31-20
Missing his best receiver, Garrett went out and beat one of the best teams in his division, as Frodo avenged last season's finals loss to Untouchaballs before handling Freeballers. Who are the contenders in D2 right now? With the possible exception of 0-1 No Punt Intended (who haven't even played a game against their own division yet) Frodo has now played and beaten all their strongest rivals.
#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime
Last Week: Lost to Legends 39-33, lost to Scared Hitless 44-33
People questioned whether Passed Our Prime would even be able to field a competitive team without Sean and Kyle after moving up to D1 this session... and Hogan responded by nearly beating the D1 champs in the biggest game in his team's history. Sure, they seemed to lose a little steam later in the day losing again to Scared Hitless, but no one in D1 can be approaching this team thinking it's an easy win anymore.
#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs
Last Week: Beat the Replacements 38-12, lost to Frodo Swaggins 24-22
What was the last Untouchaballs loss? Freeballers back in D3 last session, right? Seems shocking to see them lose, even to a team as hot as Frodo Swaggins is right now, but after beating the Replacements they're still one of only two teams in D2 to boast a winning record right now. Burr will be alright.
#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless
Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 44-33, beat No Punt Intended 57-48
This was the bounce back week that Dylan needed after Scared Hitless went 0-2 to start their first D1 campaign. 101 points scored and two wins on Saturday puts Hitless smack in the middle of the D1 standings right now. Yes, one of those was a nine-point win against a team from a lower division playing its first game in years, but a win's a win.
#9 Brandt Dubey - DILFS
Last Week: Did Not Play
No Dubey, no difference this week for the DILFS. We THINK they're 1-1 with their starting QB and 1-1 with their backup QB. As the ONLY returning team in D2 this session we assumed they'd be heavy favorites, but are they already falling behind some of their newer rivals?
#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care
Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 48-23
Grey Hair has now lost to all of last season's "big three" teams in D1. If they're going to improve on that 1-4 record, they're going to have to do it against the bottom half of their division (or, luckily for them, against a crossover D2 team which is their schedule for next week).
#11 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716
Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 31-20, beat DILFS 39-20 (Freeballers)
Does Dylan QB both Freeballers and 716 now? We're not sure. We ARE pretty sure he played both Freeballers games this past week and split the doubleheader to keep his team in the hunt for decent playoff seeding. 1-2 doesn't sound great, but one of those losses is to D1 Legends in the worst possible crossover game, and one of them is to Frodo who are killing just about everyone this season. We think Freeballers will finish with a winning record.
#12 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting
Last Week: Did Not Play
These guys haven't played since Week One! Scotty, come back and do something so we have something to write about.
#13 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended
Last Week: Lost to Scared Hitless 57-48
No Punt Intended FINALLY played a game in Week Three of the season, and of course the schedule matched them up with Scared Hitless in a D1 crossover game. What did we learn? Kyle's offense already looks fantastic. His defense... needs some work. But if a 9-point loss to a D1 team is how No Punt Intended STARTS the season, the sky's the limit for how they can finish it after some more time to gel together.
#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad
Last Week: Lost to Bullet Club 35-17
B, what's going on here? You guys destroyed D4 last session, moved up a division and beat Mountain Dew Me in the Rematch of the Century... and since then you've gone 0-2-1. This isn't the Practice Squad we're used to. Believe it or not this is still the team we'd give the best betting odds to win D3, but they have GOT to start showing that soon.
#15 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro
Last Week: Lost to DILFS 33-20
Buffalo Vice Retro is 0-2 and averaging less than 20 PPG. Wasn't Vice historically known for its explosive offense? Look, we get it, D2 is stacked with great teams this session (and also the Replacements are there) but Seth's going to have to figure something out with his receivers to pick up some wins.
***
We've said many times in this article over the past couple weeks that we didn't want to show team performance charts yet because it's WAY too early in the season for that stuff to have any meaning (No Punt Intended has only played a single game!). And that's still true. But screw it, here's a "way too early to mean anything" chart for you on each team's points per game (sorted by division). Like last season, we included the Super Bowl era Buffalo Bills at the bottom as a comparison so you can see how much better (or worse) you are. As always, forfeit games are excluded from the numbers below.
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NEXT WEEK we kick off our Non-QB rankings with the Best Female Players in the League. This always generates a decent amount of controversy, as people ALWAYS disagree with the rankings and think that their girls got shafted... and yet they rarely write in to advocate for the girls they think are better. Don't make that mistake!! Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think the best girls in the League are. Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions.
- September 15: Best Female Players in the League
- September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
- September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
- October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced
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That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Woodpeckers can't REALLY be averaging 9 points a game, can they? there's a new girl who has caught three passes on your team and you're worried she won't get mentioned in our Female Players rankings?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!
What’s YOUR ranking?
