WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 14 September 2023 16:06

Published: Thursday, 14 September 2023 16:06

Written by Jeff Krol

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Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

Below we have ranked the TOP TWENTY quarterbacks in the TSL as well as a chart on the best (and worst!) teams in the League as we hit the halfway point.  

 

A quick reminder about the QB Rankings: we only try to rank the "starting" QBs of each team, which doesn't give backups any opportunity to shine.  This doesn't usually matter, but it's worth pointing out that Sean Weisensal has QBed four games this season outside of Breakfast Club and is 4-0, scoring 48+ points in three of those.  How would he rank compared to the QBs below?  Not a clue, but it would have to be pretty high, right?

 

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 40-26

Bobby McConnell begins his fourth reign as the #1 Quarterback in the TSL (12 weeks total out of the last 68) by beating the Sticky Bandits.  Eyes Downtown still haven't quite solved their "Legends" problem, but Legends haven't quite established a starting QB on their own team this session, so Bobby's an easy choice over whoever they've got.  Eyes Downtown could almost (but not quite) lose out the rest of the season at this point and STILL guarantee a first round playoff bye.

#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 40-26

Mike Thomas was the #1 QB in our Power Rankings for ten straight weeks, which somehow tied Chris Cole for longest streak on top in Power Rankings history.  But he fell one week short of outright breaking Cole's record after a 40-26 loss to Eyes Downtown.  This was the Sticky Bandits first regular season loss (excluding indoor) since Fall of 2022, and drops the team to 2-1 with undefeated Legends up next week.

 

#3 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Father Baker 53-44, beat TMA 45-22 (Stunts)

We're still listing Joey as the QB of Legends... but he hasn't played QB for that team all season, and we're past the halfway mark.  Is he still the starter?  Is Sean?  Is Travis?  It doesn't seem to matter for Legends, as they win no matter who throws the ball (Taylor Pagano is probably up next week), but we don't typically rank QBs this high if they're only throwing for a D4 team.  We'll see if Joey ever QBs for Legends again.  Maybe he's bored of winning D1 championships as a passer and wants to try it as a receiver.  But until then, the Stunts look awesome as they remain undefeated in D4, and Joey has THAT team firing on all cylinders (did we mention he outdueled #1 QB Bobby McConnell in the Battle of the Gender Teams?)

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 50-20, beat THREAD 38-27 (Mavericks)

Mavericks seem to match up well against THREAD after their second win of the season against that squad.  It didn't go as well against Freeballers, where they scored an uncharacteristically low 20 points in defeat.  Jordan may rise in the Power Rankings next week if Joey Batts is retired as a D1 quarterback... or he may fall in the Rankings if the next guy catches up to him.

 

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-23

The Can't Touch This train just keeps on going.  At what point do we stop asking how they're undefeated in D2 and start asking how they ever LOST three games in D3?? Their fifth win on Saturday already equals their regular season win total from last Spring (5-3).  This team is also awesome at the bar and quickly becoming the role model for what TSL teams ought to be.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 43-22

The Untouchaballs looked a lot more Untouchabally on Saturday with another win over Practice Squad.  There are no "bad" teams in D2 so playoff seeding doesn't REALLY matter that much, but you have to think that Untouchaballs would love the #1 seed and a first round rematch with Practice Squad, who they've never lost against dating back to last season.  They don't have a rematch on the schedule against Can't Touch This though, so unless their rivals utterly collapse, a #2 seed might be the best Burr can hope for.

 

#7 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Garrett this week.  Enjoy the camping trip!

 

#8 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 41-30

We usually stick to just covering the teams where a QB is the "starter", so we'll start by mentioning that Cle-Avengers Assemble took down Scared Hitless 41-30 in only their third game of the season (and their first win).  We don't know much about Cle-Avengers yet other than their huge misfortune of losing Emily Curry for the season to injury.  Travis was the D2 Championship winning QB last session though, so we expect he'll have this team competitive as well.  And yes, he ALSO QBed Legends to a win over Eyes Downtown this week to keep his squad undefeated in D1.  How do you beat the #1 ranked QB and not become #1 in the QB Power Rankings?  By being a part-time starter, apparently.

 

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Lost to Cle-Avengers Assemble 41-30, lost to Can't Touch This 36-23

Scared Hitless started so strong this season with a double win on opening day.  Since then they had two weeks off, and now a double loss to get them back to 2-2.  Safe to say we have NO idea how good they are as a team right now at the halfway mark of the season.  

 

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Lost to Let's Get Reccked 57-14, lost to 716 52-46

The Wanderers got wreccked on Saturday (see what we did there?) and also lost to 716 to fall from undefeated to .500 in one afternoon.  Of course they were playing shorthanded with three girls allegedly, so that probably has something to do with it.  One bad day doesn't define a season... at least until playoffs.  We imagine they'll be healthier with better attendance by then.

 

#11 Mark Dalfonso - THREAD

Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 38-27

When we heard that "Marketing Mayors" were returning to the TSL but in D2, we thought "that seems unfair, won't they just crush everyone?"  So far they haven't, as their second loss of the season to Mavericks dropped them to 2-3 and right in the thick of the D2 race.  Is it age, attendance issues, or something else that's holding them back from playing at the level they're capable?  We'll keep an eye on it.

 

#12 Terrell Bolden - The Family

Last Week:  Beat Keller Whales 44-37

The Family are the fourth highest scoring team in all of the TSL, and damn their offense is fun to watch.  Sure, their defense sucks sometimes (fourth worst in the TSL) but we're not a "Defense Power Rankings" article, are we?  Bolden is a dynamic playmaker and these guys go for the throat every game.  This is definitely not a team that anyone wants to run into in the D3 Playoffs.

 

#13 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Beat Wanderers 57-14

Let's Get Reccked are 0-2 and averaging 21.5 PPG when their starting QB isn't present, and 2-0 with 46.5 PPG when he is.  Not much question who the MVP of this team is.  Buchlis's 46.5 PPG WOULD be the best of any non-gender team in the TSL.  Of course it helps to play Wanderers when they're shorthanded.  Next week's doubleheader against The Malones and The Family will tell us more about how good this team really is.

 

#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / 716

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 43-22

Practice Squad is now 0-12 in the regular season in D2 (and 1-1 in the playoffs somehow) and unable to solve their Untouchaballs problem.  B is always quick to take accountability, but we imagine he needs some more help too if they're going to be competitive in this division going forward.

 

#15 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Freeballers with Hogan: 0-1.  Freeballers with Sean: 2-0.  We'll just leave this here.

 

#16 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 57-36

Puckett All-Stars is an incredible team and an institution in D4 these days.  How does ANYONE put up 57 points against these guys?? We looked into it (because of course we did) and Puckett All-Stars are allowing 53.7 PPG against Buffalo Vice in three games this year, and only 20.6 PPG against everyone else.  Andy seems to have just figured them out.

#17 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Vice 57-36

T.J. was the QB of Puckett one upon a time if we're remembering correctly... and then Vince Taverna took over for a while, and now T.J. is back?  Is that right?  Puckett hasn't been too affected by the change, as they're still a Top 15 offense in the TSL.  If they never had to play Buffalo Vice again, they might even be favorites (after the Stunts of course) for the D4 championship.

#18 Ethan Herbold - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

Last Week:  Beat Father Baker 36-18

ILF has gone through many QBs over the years, and they looked dead in the water when they lost Joe Miano and moved down to D5.  Ethan Herbold has made them relevant again though, to the point where they're now a complete team that doesn't have to rely on their defense to bail them out every game.  The top half of D4 looks REALLY competitive this session, and ILF could be the ones popping champagne at the end of the session if Herbold continues to play well.

#19 John Langley - Bullet Club / Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Did Not Play

It feels like we've barely seen John this session.  What has he played, one game for Bullet Club?  Two for Travis Henry's Kids?  

#20 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week:  Lost to The Family 44-37

The TSL's youngest Quarterback and third generation Keller continues to play at a high level for the Keller Whales, who are sitting at 2-2 in a very tough D3.  It's ironic that they lost to a team called "the Family" this week.  Keller Whales ARE the family team of the TSL, and with Damien, the future is bright.

 

Fancy Statistics Section

So we've said you're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, because the sample size is too small to be meaningful... and guess what?  It's Week Four!  Yes, we know we broke down and did a "way too early to matter" graph last week, but now that we're at the halfway point of the season, we think we have a "this might actually matter" chart to share instead.

 

You've seen these before (we recycle our own ideas a lot, have you noticed?) but these are the Top Ten Best (and Worst!) Offenses, Defenses, and Overall Teams (by Point Differential) in the TSL:

 

 

What did that tell us?  For starters, we always think of the cut-offs for greatness as being 40+ PPG on offense or allowing fewer than 20 PPG on defense.  If you're doing better than that in either category, you should be in great shape.  

 

At the halfway mark of the season, we somehow have 8 teams averaging 40+ PPG on offense.  Incredible, but we expect it won't last.  In fact last Spring we had only ONE team that finished the season over 40 PPG and that was Puckett All-Stars, so over the next half of the season some of these teams will fall back to Earth.  

 

Defensively, we have only ONE team in the League that is allowing under 20 PPG and that is Sausage McMuffins (13.5 PPG).  Last Spring there were four teams that beat the 20 PPG Allowed mark.  

 

Why is scoring up so much this Fall?  We can't say for certain, but we have two theories: 1) John Langley hasn't played as many games this session yet to drag the scoring average down 2) we've had incredible weather to start the season, and great weather favors offensive football.  One miserable rainy day and we expect scoring averages to drop too.

 

Congrats to Freeballers for being the ONLY team in all three "Best of" lists.  Usually we have more overlap, but this season it's proving unusually difficult for teams to be great on both sides of the ball.

 

On the other side of the coin we have Father Baker as the only team in all three of the "Worst of" lists.  Unexpected, but we don't think that will last, at least on the offensive side.  This team is getting used to new QBs (no one has QBed more than one week yet) and they have too much talent not to score points.

 

Interestingly Legends is the 7th worst defense in the TSL right now, which is stunning because they're the only undefeated team in our highest division.  Apparently defense doesn't matter when you're able to score 46+ PPG.

 

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

 

WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 01 September 2023 13:30

Published: Friday, 01 September 2023 13:30

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 454

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 37-28

The Sticky Bandits picked up where they left off last season (at least last regular season) with a win over Frodo Swaggins.  The team was shorthanded enough that Mike was forced to play defense and start three girls on offense, but the result was the same.  Can the Bandits keep up with Eyes Downtown and Legends and other teams that have improved this offseason?  We don't expect they'll go 8-0 again, but we do expect they will still be in the Championship mix at the end of the season.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat PWI 52-12, beat Buffalo Vice 61-33 (Stunts)

Legends continue their long Championship celebration sabbatical, so Joey's only action this season has been for the Stunts, who are immediately massive favorites to win D4.  This is primarily a QB article so we'll start by pointing out the 113 points Joey scored this week... but we ALSO want to point out that they allowed only 45 points in those same games, which is an incredible showing for a gender team.  Must be fun to win doubleheaders by nearly 70 combined points.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 47-33

Legends haven't even played yet, and the Sticky Bandits have only played one game against Frodo... but doesn't it already seem like Eyes Downtown are huge D1 favorites?  Losing Streak has GREAT defensive players, and yet Bobby nearly dropped 50 against them.  We also expect they'll get BETTER throughout the season too as Bobby adjusts to his new receivers' strengths and weaknesses.  Eyes Downtown have fallen short in the last two D1 Championship games, but this could be their best chance in years.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 59-36, lost to Eyes Downtown 47-33 (Losing Streak), lost to Can't Touch This 45-38 (Mavericks)

Jordan is currently 2-0 against Frodo Swaggins this session and 0-4 against everyone else.  That's not his fault of course (Mavericks are scoring boatloads of points, and both D1 losses were to Eyes Downtown) but it CAN'T be a lot of fun for someone so used to winning.  Both teams still seem like they have enough talent to compete for Championships so we're not writing off either one of them yet.  But it'll be on Jordan to keep spirits up throughout this "losing streak" (we use that joke once per session, relax).

 

#5 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Untouchaballs this week.  Burr rises one spot in the Rankings with a few losses by our next guy...

 

#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Losing Streak 59-36, lost to Sticky Bandits 37-28 (Frodo Swaggins), lost to Come From Behind 48-19 (BAADies)

Frodo and BAADies are a combined 2-6 with a -122 point differential.  Not the start Garrett was hoping for, but it doesn't make him NOT a top quarterback in this League.  With respect to the Godfather as the only REAL source of Championship odds, we would guess two weeks into the season that Frodo is maybe a 200-1 favorite to win D1 (they won't get many better chances to win than a short-handed Sticky Bandits this season) and BAADies maybe a 6-1 favorite to win D5 (they can do it, but they probably need all their top girls present).

 

#7 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 45-38, beat Practice Squad 19-6

How do you win one game 45-38 and then the other 19-6?  Seems almost impossible you'd be so good offensively and so bad defensively one game, and then completely swap talents the next game.  Whatever happened, Can't Touch This are 3-0 and in first place in D2 their first session after moving up a division.  Ryan's arm is clearly no secret at this point, but word is getting out that his girls can really play also.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Scared Hitless this week.  Remember when they beat All We Do is Quinn for a championship in overtime???

 

#9 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat The Malones 43-33, beat Keller Whales 37-31

The Wanderers were one play away from beating Can't Touch This in the D3 Finals last Spring.  Would they be matching CTT's success in D2 right now?  Who knows.  But they're undefeated in D3 right now after winning their first two games of the session, and they're probably heavy favorites to win it all... depending how good The Family turns out to be.

 

#10 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Cle-Avengers Assemble this week.  How many D2 titles has Travis won over the years?  DILFs and No Punt Intended, is that all?

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 3 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 06 September 2023 20:43

Published: Wednesday, 06 September 2023 20:43

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 369

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 37-18

Everyone tends to play Labor Day games missing half their teams, and D1 was no exception as seemingly every team was shorthanded.  This might have affected other QBs but it didn't seem to slow down the Sticky Bandits, as Mike cruised to another comfortable win to stay on top of the Power Rankings another week.  Up next are Eyes Downtown... the only team that Mike lost to in the Spring session.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat ILF 27-26

The good news is that Joey engineered a clutch last second Cunning Stunts victory to remain undefeated in D4.  The "bad" news is that Legends succeeded without him as QB as Sean took over this week, adding some fuel to the doubters that have always suggested that "ANYONE could win with this much talent on their team".   Is Joey still QB1, or is this a sign of things to come?  Where would Sean Weisensal land in our Power Rankings if we had to start ranking him?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 48-43

They may still win the championship, but the TSL's latest super-team won't go undefeated this season after falling to Legends this week.  Bobby doesn't drop in the Rankings (he scored 43 points against an elite defense) but he does drop in the D1 standings.  The top three teams look like they'll get a bye if the five-team D1 works like last Spring's five-team D2, and fortunately for Bobby Eyes Downtown aren't in any danger of falling out of the top three.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 37-18 (Losing Streak), beat THREAD 47-20 (Mavericks)

The dreaded Labor Day conflicts limited Jordan's available weapons on Losing Streak last week so tough to read too much into that game one way or another.  We DO read into the 27 point victory over THREAD though, and suspect that Mavericks will very much be in the D2 title chase this season.  And look!  They played defense!

 

#5 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 47-41

Every season there seems to be a QB that elevates his game to a different tier.  Last session it was Garrett Beesing and his shockingly competitive Frodo Swaggins, and before that it Jeremy Burr with Untouchaballs.  This season's "most improved player" is clearly Ryan Dougherty.  Can't Touch This haven't slowed down at all since making the jump to D2, and we'll admit we're surprised.  They were 5-3 in D3 last session and barely won the D3 Championship game.  The fact that the same core of players is now 4-0 in a higher division is impressive to say the least.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Lost to Can't Touch This 47-41, lost to THREAD 47-41

We're not sure what's more unlikely: one team having two losses with 47-41 final scores in the same day, or a Matt Helm defense giving up over 90 points in the same day.  Untouchaballs allowed 17.0 PPG last session!  Although he's surpassed by Ryan in the Power Rankings this week, we'd remind you that Burr DID score 82 points in these games, so not a horrible day at the office by any means.

 

#7 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 52-40 (Frodo Swaggins), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 57-52, tied Goatsack 44-44 (BAADies)

Three games scoring 40, 44 and 57 points is usually a pretty good day for a QB.  In this case it only worked out to a 1-1-1 record for Garrett, but sometimes that's the way it goes.  Frodo seems locked into that "Godfather's going to give them 1000-1 playoff odds at the end of the season" status, but BAADies are going to be fascinating to watch.  The thing about gender teams is that they often have game conflicts during the regular season with their girls' "first teams".  If Garrett's at full strength for playoffs when divisions all play at different times though, BAADies could be a surprise contender.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Scared Hitless.  They're still undefeated, in case you've forgotten.

 

#9 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the Wanderers.  They're still undefeated too, but we suspect you knew that one.

 

#10 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Cle-Avengers Assemble.  What's with all these byes?

 

#11 Mark Dalfonso - THREAD

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 47-41, lost to Mavericks 47-20

What's with all these 47 point games?  THREAD scored and allowed 47 in separate games on Saturday to bring their record to 2-2.  Mark is a stud, and one of only six men to ever be ranked #1 in the 67 weeks that we've been doing QB Rankings.  We assume that after a few year's off, THREAD will only get better as they knock the rust off.  That, or their muscles have all atrophied and they'll start falling apart.  Let's hope it's not that!

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

How have Freeballers still only played one game this session?  

 

#13 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / 716

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 42-39, lost to Let's Get Reccked 36-21 (716)

Practice Squad and 716 are a combined 0-5, and B hasn't won a regular season game since October 1st 2022 (ironically that game was Practice Squad beating 716, the other team he now QBs for).  He's still a top dog in the TSL and he seems to save his magic for playoffs, but we'd still LIKE to see him win a regular season game this year...

 

#14 Terrell Bolden - The Family

Last Week:  Beat The Malones 68-46, lost to Vaspian 36-32

Sixty eight points is a lot.  Terrell Bolden was SLINGING it on Saturday as the Family cruised to a huge win over the Malones.  They lost to Vaspian, but that was a game they probably SHOULD have won.  The Family is loaded with athleticism and it all starts with Bolden, who is almost impossible to rush.

 

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Beat 716 36-21

Let's Get Reccked is 0-2 without their starting QB and 1-0 when he's present.  That's a pretty small sample size for games started, especially when your win is against a team that's currently 0-3, but in a few weeks we should have a better idea of Let's Get Reccked is a real contender in the division.  If they aren't, it won't be because they're lacking veteran savvy.

 

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

So we've said you're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, because the sample size is too small to be meaningful (how do you evaluate Freeballers with their ONE game played??).  But we get SO bored without our graphs... let's just recklessly throw one together even though we all know it's pointless this early in the season!

 

Here is each team's average point differential per game (green is good, and red is bad).  This will likely look VERY different when we show this again in a few weeks:

 

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 1 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 23 August 2023 12:47

Published: Wednesday, 23 August 2023 12:47

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 658

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 49 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 49 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address due to some legal restructuring stuff, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

• Legends do NOT win the D1 championship for a record fourth straight season
• There will be at least one gender team vs gender team Finals.  We're counting GUCCI as a gender team here to give us some more flexibility, but we'll either seen Father Baker vs Cunning Stunts or BAADies vs GUCCI in a championship game this Fall.
• No one goes winless this season.  Yes, we made that prediction last Spring and got it wrong (twice) but we feel much better about it this time!
• Frodo Swaggins has the worst record of any returning team in D1, but they will make their division's Final Four.
• Freeballers will play in (and maybe win, but that's not an "official" prediction) the D2 Championship game
• Steph's Misty-rious Infection beats the Dirty Dozen in the Breakfast Club Finals

 

But what do we know?  We went 2 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• Buffalo Vice will shock the world and win the D4 championship.  Why not??  It's their time!! [It wasn't their time.  They were really good, and they made it to the semi-finals, but the D4 championship (as it so often does) went to Puckett All-Stars]
• Last season the Replacements were the only winless team in the League.  This season, every team will be good enough to win at least ONE game. [They weren't.  Practice Squad went 0-8 before winning a playoff game, so they narrowly avoided going winless.  But both Creekers and Back That Pass Up didn't win a single game last session.  Creekers was in the wrong division, and already have a win under their belts this Fall.  Back That Pass Up was in the right division, but just couldn't pull off a W.]
• Eyes Downtown end their recent championship drought and take home the D1 title. [They didn't.  Another D1 championship game, another loss to Legends.]
• Steph Infection does NOT three-peat as Breakfast Club Championship.  Give someone else a turn. [We got this one right!  Congrats to BDSM for taking home the title last season.  Sean is pretty good at this football stuff.]
• Joey Batts does NOT three-peat as the #1 ranked QB by our last Power Ranking of the year.  Please, God, give someone else a turn. [He repeated as the D1 champion, which is all he cares about we're sure.  But he did NOT finish #1 in last season's Power Rankings, as that honor went to Mike Thomas who went undefeated throughout the regular season.]
• GrASS Eaters beat Southside in the D6 championship game.  Take that one to the bank. [We picked the correct winner, AND we picked them beating Southside... only problem is GrASS Eaters beat Southside in the Semifinals, and Two Tuddies in the Finals.  So we can't give ourselves credit for this one either.]

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Fall 2023 Season.  Most of our stars are back, although we have a few notable player movements:

• Two D1 teams have folded this session, so you won't see Andy Smigiera or Dave Eickhoff in the Power Rankings this session
• Jabronies is also not returning for Fall session so another Top Ten QB in Joe Miano will not be back
• Mark Dalfonso returns for THREAD after a nearly three year absence.  He was consistently one of the best QBs in the League for D1 champs Marketing Mayors in the past, so we expect to see him in the Top Ten in no time.
• Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen is back and throwing for Freeballers this session.  He won a D2 championship already with Passed Our Prime, so he's already shown he can do it.

 

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  Mike Thomas and Joey Batts (at least for Legends) didn't even play last week - you think we're going to remove them from the top two spots?  Not a chance.  You also won't see people like Mark Dalfonso at all this week because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  

 

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for last season's #1 ranked QB, as the Sticky Bandits will open their season against Frodo Swaggins next week.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 44-40

Legends may have started the season with a bye week (actually they're starting with two in a row) but Cunning Stunts started strong with a win over D4's reigning and defending champions Puckett-All Stars.  The Stunts should be extra dangerous this season with Katie Salisbury.  Is this a springboard to Joey luring her over to Legends?

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-24, beat Frodo Swaggins 50-23

The new-look Eyes Downtown have added a bunch of talent (they also kept Blase for some reason?) and the early returns have been exactly what we expected.  Bobby's teams have often started slow and finished strong in recent seasons.  If this is a "slow" start for them, then their finish could just be another D1 title.  

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 58-29, lost to Eyes Downtown 34-24 (Losing Streak), lost to Untouchaballs 58-50 (Mavericks)

Jordan had two 50 point performances in his first week across both teams, and has just a 1-2 record to show for it.  Not super encouraging for the Mavericks that they can't play defense, but it's maybe not a bad sign that they hung with Eyes Downtown so well.  Losing Streak and Eyes Downtown play each other again next week (yes, D1 is not a very big division) and a win in the rematch would take a lot of pressure off of Losing Streak in the standings.

 

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 50-23, lost to Losing Streak 58-29 (Frodo), lost to GUCCI 44-16, beat Not So Sticky 44-30 (BAADies)

Frodo Swaggins was the feel-good story of D1 last session, but this summer saw two of the "easier" opponents in that division fold while Scared Hitless moved down to D2.  All that's left for Frodo are the heavy hitters every week, and most of THOSE teams reloaded by robbing the corpses of the teams that died.  Could be a long session for Frodo if they can't stop an opponent from scoring 50 points against them.  BAADies might fare better in D5 (GUCCI aside) as Garrett knows how to get his girls involved more than most QBs in this League.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Mavericks 58-50, beat Cle-Avengers Assemble 39-22

Untouchaballs lost in the championship game last Fall in a division that they should have won (in their minds at least).  They looked incredibly motivated to right that wrong on Saturday, handily beating Travis's newest D2 contender and dropping 58 on Mavericks to start the season 2-0.  We don't think it's too early to call Untouchaballs the favorites in D2 this session.

 

#7 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Beat Cle-Avengers Assemble 48-33

It's too early to tell ANYTHING about this season of course, but one week in it definitely LOOKS like Can't Touch This will be okay after moving up to D2.  Ryan dropped 48 points on some VERY good players Saturday, and this is a team that doesn't look like they want to chalk Fall 2023 up to a "learning season" -- they plan to win right now.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat THREAD 26-25, beat Practice Squad 36-22

Scared Hitless struggled to compete in D1 last season after some female roster turnover and made the decision to drop down to D2 this Fall.  So far they seem right at home, having already won more games this season than they did last Fall.  Of course it probably helps to start the season against a team that hasn't played in three years and a team that didn't win a game in the Spring regular season, but Dylan doesn't make the schedule, he just beats teams on it.

#9 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 39-22, lost to Can't Touch This 48-33

Travis's latest D2 project is Cle-Avengers Assemble, and they're off to a rather slow start right now having dropped their opening games against Untouchaballs and Can't Touch This.  But if we can loosely steal an Avengers quote here (and we will), "this was never going to work if they didn't have something to avenge".

 

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for the Wanderers this week, so Frank Laudico rises into the Top Ten based solely on the "retirements" of Eickhoff, Smigiera and Miano.

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?