Week 3 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 05 May 2022 13:15

Published: Thursday, 05 May 2022 13:15

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1523

 

Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

We've expanded our coverage of the best passers in the League to a Top Twenty this week, so if you thought you JUST missed the cut with our Top Fifteen last week... well, we hope you aren't too disappointed when you didn't make the Top Twenty either.  Enjoy!

 

 

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 30-29 (Legends), beat Pucket All Stars 45-44 (Cunning Stunts)

Always a bridesmaid, never a bride... until now.  After a record 31 weeks in the Top Ten without cracking the #1 spot, the apocalypse is finally upon us: Joey Batts is the best quarterback in the TSL.  Undefeated in D1 with a two-game lead over every other team, undefeated in D4 with the Stunts... is there anything (besides humility) that Joey can't do?  Critics will point out he's still the lowest scoring QB in the top division, which is true.  But at some point winning has to matter, and a combined 6-0 start is impossible to ignore.

 

#2 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 30-29

Whatever you thought of the "Mike vs Joey" debate last week, you probably haven't changed your mind this week.  If you thought Thomas deserved to be #1 last week for being the highest scoring QB in D1, well, he still is, by a good amount (there's a graph at the end of this article if you want a visual).  And if you thought Thomas didn't deserve to be #1 because he couldn't beat Legends, well, he didn't, falling one play short of what most would have considered an upset win.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-34

The "losing streak" (if two games can be considered a streak) is over for Eyes Downtown as Bobby led the team to their first win of the young season over a skeleton crew of Tight Ends in Motion players.  Rumors of frustration within the team had been heard throughout the League but hopefully a W puts Eyes Downtown back on track as D1 begins their next lap around the tiny division's schedule.  

 

#4 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat the Notorious BNB 41-28

There were two undefeated teams in D2 coming into this week, and now there is one.  Dylan Day, who we left out of our Top Ten entirely the first week of this season, is not the highest scoring QB in his division, but he's not far off either.  Remember when we didn't think these guys would beat All We Do is Qwinn a couple sessions ago?  They're beating everyone now.  If they ever find another Jaimie Warren cousin to throw out there, we might as well just hand them the D2 title.

 

#5 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 41-28

The Notorious BNB have played two of the top teams in their division to start the season, beating Passed Our Prime and losing to Scared Hitless.  They're second in the D2 standings, but their point differential of +3 is only fifth in their division right now.  Buchlis is putting up the points we would expect, but he's not getting much help from his defense this season (definitely Dave Baker's fault).  

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game this week for Hogan outside of Breakfast Club.  Passed Our Prime currently leads D2 in scoring at 39.0 PPG.

 

#7 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Seth is easily the most talented quarterback to have not won a game yet this season.  What's that saying, "the most important ability is availability"?  TEIM and Vice need their QB to show up!

 

#8 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for DILFS this week.  How many people on DILFS are actually dads anyway?  And are we even sure we know what DILFS stands for?  Is it possible it's just short for "Dirty Interdimensional Lightning Falcons"?

 

#9 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 35-28, beat Sleezin Szn 38-25

Untouchaballs are undefeated and the highest scoring team in D3.  Who else did you think was going to be the highest ranked QB in the division? (Okay, Seth doesn't count.)  This week will be the big showdown against also undefeated 4th & Something.  If Burr can lead the 'Balls (is anyone calling them that?) to a win, the race for the #1 seed might be all but locked up, as the combined record of the opponents they'll have left to face this season is just 1-5. 

 

#10 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Itches & Ohs 49-32

49 points and a return to the Top Ten.  Not a bad week for Scotty Dro.  4th & Dong was a 7th place team last session, so why is 4th & Something so much better?  Is a "something" better than a dong??  We miss the days when Scotty would send us emails explaining his greatness to us.  Why has he not written for our website yet?

 

#11 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to When Dove Cries 30-13 (Bullet Club); did not play for Freeballers

Dylan Jaloza was missing many of his weapons on Bullet Club this past week and dropped a game to When Dove Cries.  We tend to blame the team instead of the quarterback in this case: Going back to the start of 2021 (pre-Dylan), Bullet Club is 3-18 in the regular season, and might want to think about a drop to D3 next session if they can't get more consistency with attendance.

 

#12 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 35-28, lost to Itches & Ohs 42-41

If you're looking for an exciting game to watch next week, it seems like every Frodo Swaggins game this year comes down to the bitter end.  Garrett Beesing has Swaggins sitting at 2-2 right now with a +0 point differential on the season... and they would be 4-0 if they could just play some defense at some point.  Tough to win when you've given up 35, 42 and 43 points in your last three games.

 

#13 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Grey Hair has the week off, and continues to wait for their first W of the 2022 Spring season.

 

#14 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to 4th & Something 49-32, beat Frodo Swaggins 42-41

The masked ninja went 1-1 in his doubleheader on Saturday, beating Frodo Swaggins by a point and losing to 4th & Something by 17.  It's the same story as last season: Itches seems to about break even on point differential, both scoring and giving up huge amounts of points every game (the "Passed Our Prime" of D3 you might say).

 

#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for Spinelli's Plumbing this week, but it's the first time we've included Nick in our rankings this season so we should point out he is throwing for THE highest scoring team in the League at 54.0 PPG, a mile ahead of the next best team.  Also worth noting: the QBs of the only other two teams that are scoring more than 40 PPG (see our graph below) are currently #1 and #2 in our Power Rankings.  Doesn't seem fair that Nick is only #15, right?

 

#16 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Newman at the fields this week.  You can copy and paste Seth Molisani's blurb from above and it basically works for Newman too.

 

#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 22-6

Remember when everyone on Practice Squad was injured last season and they were terrible?  Yeah, we barely remember that either.  B has the Squad off to a 3-0 start, and THIS is the type of team we expect out of these guys.  It looks like there will be four teams that are a cut above the rest in D4, and none of them have played each other yet.  Bound to happen soon, and that'll separate the contenders from the pretenders.

 

#18 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Cunning Stunts 45-44

93% of other teams that have scored 44 points in a game this season have won that game.  On Saturday, Puckett did not.  In fact they've lost their last two games by a total of three points, which must be heartbreaking.  They'll make the playoffs (TJ and company are too good not to, even in a division with 12 teams) but they won't go very far if they can't close out the big games.

 

#19 Jeff Jenkins - XMD

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 42-20

Cunning Stunts and Spinelli's are scoring tons of points right now, but the next best offense in this division currently belongs to XMD.  Jeff Jenkins has won a million games in this league before with DMX... and now he has one with XMD.  Today's Feast isn't exactly the strongest signature win, but hey, you've got to start somewhere.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Beat TMA 30-22, beat Come From Behind 40-6

Last session Darryl had a D5 roster masquerading as a D3 team, and this session he has a D3 roster masquerading as a D5 team.  No surprise, he seems to be having a lot more fun this session.  Cobblestone is STACKED with talent and they're the only remaining undefeated team in their division.  It's been a while since we've seen these guys in a championship game... feels like this is the season it happens.  

 

***

We've said many, many times in this article already that we didn't want to show team performance charts yet because it's way too early in the season for that stuff to have any meaning.  And that's true.  But screw it, here's a "way too early to mean anything" chart for you on each team's points per game (sorted by division).  And we added the Super Bowl era Buffalo Bills at the bottom as a comparison so you can see how much better (or worse) you are.  As always, forfeit games are excluded from the numbers below.

 

 

***

Just a reminder that our Non-QB rankings start NEXT WEEK with the "Best Teams of All-Time in the League".  Did Titsburgh Feelers make the cut?  Probably not!

If you have any feedback on the categories below, especially this week's, shoot us an email and let us know.  If you do it before the rankings come out, maybe we'll listen to your advice.  Or you can just complain on Facebook when you don't like how our staff ranked you, your call!

• May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
• May 19: Best Female Players in the League
• May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
• June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
• June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're already fuming at your team's exclusion from next week's Best Teams of All Time list?  you want us to rank something else like Best Looking Female Players or Biggest Loudmouths?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week One Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 21 April 2022 20:08

Published: Thursday, 21 April 2022 20:08

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2861

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 52 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 52 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Chris Cole just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents.  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club, and typically don't include it in our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  Unlike previous years where we just sort of threw out random rankings throughout the season, we're going to TRY to keep a little more structure this session.  See a list of dates below for what we plan to rank each week (besides, of course, quarterbacks).

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

• There are no undefeated teams in any divisions, but at least one team will go winless
• Spinelli's Plumbing wins a championship for the second season in a row
• There will be exactly three different QBs to reach #1 in our Power Rankings this season
• Zack Attack finishes with the #1 defense in the League
• Steph Infection beats Liddle Deaks in the Breakfast Club finals
• TMA makes, and loses, the D5 Finals game this session

 

But what do we know?  We went "2 and a half" out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• Chris Cole goes undefeated in the regular season and reclaims the top spot in the Power Rankings [We were MOSTLY right here as Cole finished #1, but Public Enemy (R.I.P.) did lose a single game.  We'll take half credit.]
• Passed Our Prime will be the highest scoring team in the TSL this season across all divisions [Nope.  They weren't even the highest scoring in their own division, and finished 9th in the League.]
• Breast Friends will be the highest scoring gender team in the TSL, and win exactly zero games by forfeit this season [Right and right.  40.6 PPG and not one forfeit win, after taking three the season before.]
• TSL Legend Darryl Carr finishes the season with a higher rank than TSL Legend Topper [Wrong.  Topper, presumably motivated by this slight, finished last season 10th to Darryl's 20th.]
• A QB we've never heard of will finish the season in the Top 15 [You know what?  We're going to say we got this right with Jeremy Burr.  Sure, we'd all heard of Burr the receiver, but Burr the QB was an unknown and he finished last season ranked #13.]
• Dave Eickhoff, ranked 26th at the end of last season, will make his return to the Top Ten at some point this season [Not quite, as Eickhoff peaked at #15 last season.  It had been 31 weeks in a row with Eickhoff missing the Top Ten, until (spoiler alert) he finally made it back this week, courtesy of his D3 championship win last season.]  

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2022 Season.  It's going to look a LOT different at the top this season without some of the League legends you're used to seeing at the fields: 

• Perennial #1 Chris Cole retired on top, and this will mark the first Power Rankings in TSL history where he isn't ranked... he had been in our Top Three for 39 consecutive weeks spanning all five seasons we've been doing this.  Bobby McConnell would have to remain in our Top Three for another three straight seasons to tie that mark.  Which might become easier than you'd think for Bobby, because...
• Bro Kleckler has retired (or is taking a break) from football this session, which means 100% of our D1 champions from 2021 are not playing this season.  Tight Ends in Motion have merged with Slob Kabombs to make their super team even more super, and Seth Molisani will now be QBing for last season's runner-up team.
• Matty Ice retired within SECONDS of winning D2 and declared himself the all-time greatest on his way out.

 

Who's left and ready to step up in the absence of these legends?  Let's take a look!

 

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 37-16

Eliminating Cole and Bro in the same week was supposed to cement Bobby as the undisputed #1 in the TSL.  Instead he puts up 16 points in a losing effort to Legends, and is now the lowest scoring QB in D1.  So why is he starting the season at #1?  A body of work at least a decade in the making, that's why.  Putting anyone else in the #1 freakin' spot one week into the season would feel very premature considering only four people have EVER earned that honor to date (there's a trivia question for you, name all four).  Bobby has earned the right to the top spot this week.. but he's going to have to do better it if he wants to stay on top.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 37-16

Mrs. Battaglia's baby boy made a strong D1 debut with Legends this week, decisively beating Eyes Downtown.  This was a lot better than his Gryffindor D1 debut... didn't those guys go like 0-9?  Someone ought to look that up.  In fact up until last season (when he only QBed for the Stunts) Joey was one of only two QBs (the other being Chris Cole) to have NEVER fallen out of the Top Ten before.  Now he's immediately in contention for the #1 spot.  Oh, and the Stunts won too.  Batts 2, Opponents 0.

 

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 48-42

For the second straight D1 pairing in these rankings, we've ranked the losing team's quarterback higher than the winning team's.  Doesn't make a lot of sense to you?  We don't care.  Thomas dropped 42 points on one of the best defenses in the League last week.  No disrespect to the Sticky Bandits, but they are not the best defense in the League, and they needed every point from their QB to keep up, which Mike gave them.  Everyone else in D1 seems to have loaded up on new superstars this session, but the Sticky Bandits just keep doing their thing with the same guys.  We respect the consistency.

 

#4 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 48-42 (Seth did not play)

People often said to us "Bro's not THAT good, ANYONE could win with that kind of talent on Tight Ends!"  Huh, maybe they were right.  No Bro, no Seth, no Kyle, and Tight Ends in Motion won with like their fourth choice of QB in Andy Smigiera this week (sorry if we're spelling that wrong).  Andy is actually REALLY good, as anyone who has played against him will attest to, but yeah, Seth gets penalized a bit this week because a) he wasn't there, and b) Tight Ends didn't seem to need him that much.

 

#5 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 45-36

Finally, a winner ranked higher than the QB of the team he just beat.  BNB struggled last season with their new team, turned things around in the winter session, and are now off to the races with 45 points in their first game of the Spring session.  This is the sort of performance we were expecting more of last Fall. Also the Power Rankings Committee demands to know the status of Alex's father, as he hasn't been seen at the fields in at least a few seasons.  If B's Brother can make a comeback, why not Doctor Buchlis?

 

#6 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 33-14

Dubey peaked in our Power Rankings at #2 three years ago, and then climbed back to #3 a year and a half ago.  We think he's back on the "dominant" part of his up-and-down cycle, at least for the time being.  DILFS could be serious contenders this season, but like most years, it may come down to the consistency and attendance of their QB.

 

#7 Jeremy Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 45-36

[Editor's note: Sorry Hogan, your original write-up got lost in the copy/paste process and we never replaced the #7 Week One blurb from last season.  Clearly Topper doesn't have the budget for proof-readers, since all his money goes to his poolside cabana.  The TSL sends its deepest regrets that we weren't able to promptly describe your loss this week to our readers.  This is what we meant to say:]

 

Stop us if you've heard this before:  Passed Our Prime was missing some players, Hogan scored nearly 40 points, lost anyway with poor defense.  Sean is going to be an absolute monster on this roster and you know Hogan is going to deliver on offense (Passed Our Prime nearly won the whole winter session behind their high scoring attack) but defensive questions always seem to plague this team.  We suspect they'll get some of their swagger back when they crush When Dove Cries next week.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 31-29

The implosion of TopShot is Bullet Club's gain this season as they get a steady hand to guide their team at QB.  It'll be interesting to see how Dylan responds to the change in team - TopShot was all young guns, while Bullet Club has the veteran leadership and savvy, especially with the addition of Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes.  A two point loss in week one won't define their season, but how Dylan gels with his new receivers over the next eight weeks will.  We think he'll do fine.

 

#9 Patrick McGovern - When Dove Cries

Last Week:  Did Not Play

When Dove Cries starts the season with a bye but the rumor is that Topper isn't physically cleared to compete yet after some off-season surgery.  Expect his Power Ranking to drop the longer he's absent (although hey, it might drop even faster if he comes back and plays like his usual self...)

 

#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to DILFS 33-14

Grey Hair - Don't Care was a little outclassed by DILFS in their D2 debut but we think they've got the talent to do fine in their new division this session.  Eickhoff is coming off a D3 championship and a surprisingly dominant indoor season, so we expect he'll be a contender this season come playoffs.  Welcome back to the Top Ten Dave!

 

So that's a look at where we stand after one week.  As always, we will expand coverage throughout the season to cover more and more QBs, but it's difficult when seemingly half the League hasn't played a game yet AND we're not even sure who's throwing for every team yet.  We'll get there.

 

**

 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the Top Ten chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past four seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

 

 

UGLY chart... but thorough!  This is our summary version of the above, showing cumulative points for the last five seasons for every QB who has EVER cracked the Top Ten.  Here's how it works: you get 10 points for a first place week, 1 point for a tenth place week, and zero points for not making the Top Ten at all that week.  Active QBs (as far as we know) are highlighted so you can see who has the best chance to move up this season.  Gives you a fairly accurate sense of who our top QBs have been over the past five seasons we think (obviously biased towards people that have been here the longest over that stretch):

 

 

**

And finally, here is our schedule for what we plan to rank this season OTHER than just our usual QB Rankings.  If you have feedback ahead of these articles and you want to weigh in, you can always email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  If you email us AFTER the fact to complain about how much you hated them, we'll just tell you that you should have let us know sooner!

 

• May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
• May 19: Best Female Players in the League
• May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
• June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
• June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you want to see those "Best in the League" graphs while your team is riding a hot 1-0 start to the season?  you are already angry that you're not going to be mentioned in all those Non-QB rankings and you want to complain in advance?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 2 Rankings Spring 2022

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 28 April 2022 11:14

Published: Thursday, 28 April 2022 11:14

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1665

 

Hello and welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

We always hate that these early season articles can't feature those "best offense / best defense" graphics you KNOW we love so much, because we're not deep enough into the session for those numbers to have any meaning yet.  But we DO have another long overdue treat for you this week instead!  Remember a million years ago when we were supposed to have our Fall banquet but COVID regulations forced us to cancel?  Well, we never got to hand out our awards from that session, which was a real bummer.  Instead, in the most anti-climactic way possible, we're just going to announce them here at the end of this week's QB Power Rankings article.  Congrats to all the winners below!

 

You're probably already scrolling to the bottom to see if you won anything so we forgive you if you're not reading this anymore, but we ARE a Quarterbacks Power Ranking article, and we're going to start with that first.  Here are your Top Fifteen QBs in the League after two weeks:

 

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 54-46

Hell has frozen over if the QB for our annual "Best at Bar" team is now #1 in the QB Rankings.  How could this happen?  Well, there were only two obvious candidates between Mike and Joey Batts, the ONLY starting QBs in D1 to have won a game so far this season (backup Andy Smigiera does not count).  Joey is undefeated, and Mike is not.  However the Sticky Bandits and Legends have played the exact same opponents, and Mike has scored over 40% more points than Joey (96 to 68).  The Sticky Bandits have allegedly scored a touchdown on every possession this year with a lineup that is, no disrespect intended, not as scary as Legends'.  Mike Thomas earns the #1 spot... at least until he plays Joey Batts this week.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 31-20 (Legends), beat Can't Touch This 52-14 (Stunts)

Imagine moving up to D1 and beating two former D1 champion teams to become the only undefeated QB in the division after two weeks... AND starting the season undefeated with your gender team in D4... and STILL not earning the #1 spot in the Power Rankings??  Are we punishing Joey for not running up the score more in games Legends had easily won?  It kind of feels like it.  Eventually all the winning will be impossible to ignore, and your former TSL Villain of the Year will be on top of the world (at least, the world of Co-Ed Touch Football Quarterback Power Rankings).  If Joey beats the Sticky Bandits this week, there's no way to keep him out of the top spot.  God help us all.

 

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 54-46

Easily the most accomplished QB active in the TSL today started his season a somewhat shocking 0-2.  Scoring 46 points in a losing effort last week suggests the problem wasn't on the offensive side, but it's going to be harder and harder to win this incredibly competitive division if Bobby doesn't get a little more help from his defense.  And winning the division is, we're certain, all he cares about at this point as he tries to cement his legacy as an all-time great.  Unfortunately there are no easy opponents in D1 (Eyes Downtown debatably just lost to the easiest) so Bobby's next chance to get a win comes across an incredibly talented Tight Ends in Motion squad.  When was the last time Eyes Downtown lost three in a row?

 

#4 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 38-31

The Notorious BNB are the highest scoring team in D2 at 41.5 PPG, one of two undefeated teams remaining in that division, and they seem to have shaken off whatever was holding them back last session.  Adding a few new receivers probably helped, although the core of the team looks about the same.  Alex is "notorious" (have we made that joke before?) for his smart style of football and dissecting other teams' defenses, but he'll still bust out an athletic play or two a game just to show you that he's not JUST brains.

 

#5 Seth Molisani - Tight Ends in Motion / Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 31-20 (TEIM), lost to 4th & Something 37-34 (Buffalo Vice)

Tight Ends in Motion and Buffalo Vice both fall to 0-1 with Seth as their starting QB this year after he missed the first week of the season.  This feels like more like a blip than a trend as Seth was crushing it over the TSL winter session (which he won) just a couple months ago.  Both teams are stacked with talent so we fully expect him to turn it around quickly and maybe even challenge for the #1 spot in these Rankings sooner rather than later.  Either that, or his teams will mutiny and turn to Andy or Frank to salvage their seasons!

 

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week:  Beat When Dove Cries 32-25, beat Bullet Club 49-36

Alex Buchlis is SUCH a great quarterback, can't we just use this space to talk more about how great he is?  Oh fine, we should probably mention Hogan in our article this week, since he scored 81 points in a pair of D2 wins.  With a full squad behind him, there might not be a more dangerous QB in the League.  Unfortunately he's a lot better at throwing a football than he is finding reliable teammates, so "full strength" weeks like this are rare.  Enjoy your great teammates while you can Hogan, because you're damn near invincible when your people actually show up!

 

#7 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 31-20

DILFS are a real wild card to us.  They're capable of beating any team in their division, and capable of losing also.  Not that Scared Hitless is just "any team", but we assumed DILFS would take this one given how well they played in Week One.  Shame on us.  Dubey is still Dubey, so we'll never count them out, but do they have the consistency to rattle off a few wins in a row when the playoffs come around?  We'll see.

 

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat DILFS 31-20

Somehow Dylan Day wasn't ranked in our Top Ten last week, which really calls into question the credibility of our Committee.  We wouldn't blame you if you stopped reading immediately.  Of COURSE he's always a Top Ten QB, which he proved this week with a big win over the veterans of DILFS.  Scared Hitless is one of two undefeated teams remaining in D2, and they have skill, the girls, and most importantly the QB to go the distance.  Who were the only two teams better than Scared Hitless in their division last season?  A&A and TopShot, both of whom are gone.  Maybe it's Hitless's time.  

 

#9 Dylan Jaloza - Bullet Club / Freeballers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No Dylan at the fields this week.  It sounds like Tommy Hughes did pretty damn well for Bullet Club in his absence though.  Dylan is great, but he's started exactly as many games for Bullet Club as Tommy has, so you wonder how much loyalty they'll have to their new QB if Dylan struggles next week against When Dove Cries...

 

#10 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Beat Sleezin Szn 44-43

Two last minute wins for Frodo Swaggins to start this season have them sitting pretty at 2-0 and Garrett is currently ranked as the top QB playing exclusively in D3.  For all his talk of becoming an old, out-of-shape sack of shit (his words, we're guessing) Garrett still plays like a young man out there when the game is on the line.  Can he pull two more W's out of his ass next week against Untouchaballs and Itches & Ohs?  We suspect he'll bring his "A" game against Burr and Moser.

 

#11 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Itches and Ohs 40-32

Untouchaballs are only one game into their season, but how much better can you start than 1-0 and leading your division's scoring at 40 PPG?  Last season Burr led his team to a 6-3 record, tied for second in the division with the Angels, right behind Grey Hair - Don't Care.  What do those other two teams have in common?  Neither are competing in D3 this session.  Maybe we should be talking about Untouchaballs as the early favorite to win this division?

 

#12 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week:  Lost to the Notorious BNB 38-31

So it's not the start that Eickhoff was hoping for, but 0-2 isn't the end of the world.  DILFS and Notorious BNB are a rough start to the schedule, so the winless record isn't a total shocker.  Of course D2 doesn't really have any "bad" teams, so we're not sure it'll get much easier as they go.  Grey Hair is currently the lowest scoring team in D2 at 22.5 PPG.  They'll get better.  They have to, if they don't want the season to get away from them.

 

#13 Matt Newman - Sleezin Szn

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 44-43

If you score 43 points, you should win your game.  Teams that have scored 43+ points in a game this season are off to a 9-2 record, with the only losses being Sleezin Szn and Eyes Downtown.  We know it's not Newman's fault, and we don't TRY to hold it against him in the Power Rankings that he's 0-1, but... if he were 1-0, we probably WOULD have him ranked a couple spots higher, right?

 

#14 Scott Drosendahl - 4th & Something

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 37-34

4th & Something, The Scotty Dro Show, The Keller Family Extravaganza, is off to a fantastic start this season.  Maybe we're misremembering this, but didn't they have a great start last season before falling back to a .500 record eventually?  Scotty's been working out though, saying his prayers, taking his vitamins, and this time maybe 4th & Something will keep it going and take advantage of a higher seeding in the playoffs.  The Kellers are wonderful people, Scotty won't want to let them down.

 

#15 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 40-32

Itches and Ohs was statistically a mediocre team last session in D4, with the sixth best point differential per game in the regular season.  And then they won the whole damn thing in the playoffs behind an offensive attack that never let up.  We weren't sure how that was going to translate in D3, but so far the results are positive.  They beat Buffalo Vice last week (another up-jumped D4 team, but still a quality win) and nearly stole a W from Untouchaballs this week.  We think they'll be a tough out this year for most teams in D3.  Steve can play, and his sisters are as good as anyone.

 

One of the things we enjoy most about Power Ranking your quarterbacks every week is giving a little publicity to newer players the League doesn't quite know yet.  Sure, it's often the same names towards the top of the list, but the deeper we go in the Rankings, the more likely we are to talk about some guys you've maybe never heard of.  We always start each season by showing a Top Ten (which rarely includes anyone new) but expand throughout the season as we get to know some of the newer QBs who are often playing in lower divisions.  Problem is, it's tough to write about these guys until we figure out who they are!  Who is quarterbacking for Varsity Has Beens?  Or Can't Touch This?  Is the XMD quarterback the same guy who used to QB for DMX?  What about Today's Feast, or Red Zone Mafia, or Passing While Intoxicated?  We can't write about you if we don't know about you.  Oh, we'll figure it out eventually on our own if you play well, the QB Committee has eyes everywhere.  But if you want recognition sooner, shoot us an email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell us about your QB.  Or don't, and read about Joey Batts every week instead (he's pretty great... just ask him, he'll tell you!)

 

***

 

2021 Fall Session Awards Winners

 

We're not sure how relevant this is anymore six months later (and two weeks into our next season!) but here are the Awards winners for last Fall session.  If we had had a banquet, you might have won a cool looking trophy or medal for one of our many awards categories.  Now all you get is your name on our website, and a complimentary drink from Topper at the fields this week (individual award winners only; Topper is not buying drinks for your whole team if you won a group award).  So if you've won something, make sure you find the man in charge at the bar this week!

 

For each category below we'll show the winner at the top, with the other finalists (who were announced a few months back during our winter session) listed underneath.  The other finalists are just in alphabetical order, this isn't a ranking of 2nd place, 3rd place etc.  The awards were voted on by our panel of experts as well as write-ins from team captains around the League (all captains were given the option to weigh in).  Sorry if we spelled your name wrong.

 

Better late than never, as they say.  Here we go!

 

D1 Male MVP

Mike Boccio - Winner

Chris Nelson 

Andy Smigiera

 

D1 Female MVP

Robin Makula - Winner

Emily Belfield

Emily Curry

 

D1 QB of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

David "Bro" Kleckler

Bobby McConnell

 

D2 Male MVP

Sean Weisansal - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Johnny Yioulos

 

D2 Female MVP

Melanie Linsmair - Winner

Casey Lawler

Jaimie Warren

 

D2 QB of the Year

Matty Ice - Winner

Dylan Day

Dylan Jaloza

Jeremy "Hogan" Olson

 

D3 Male MVP

Anthony Bargnesi - Winner

Jon Von

Nick Voss

 

D3 Female MVP

Maddie Norton - Winner

Rachel Parker

Emily Schilling

 

D3 QB of the Year

David Eickhoff - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Jeremy Burr

 

D4 Male MVP

Jeremy Streit - Winner

Dan Gonzalez

Craig Mikida

 

D4 Female MVP

Caitlyn Mason - Winner

Renee Lantz

Heather Simano

 

D4 QB of the Year

Steve Moser - Winner

TJ Ferguson

Brian Orzechowski

 

D5 Male MVP

Ryan Rusin - Winner

Ricky Booth

Ethan Ciemny

 

D5 Female MVP

Katie Swanson - Winner

Britney Matthews

Ellory Roberts

 

D5 QB of the Year

Nick Hawes - Winner

Paul Lovullo

Derek Pew

 

D6 Male MVP

Ron Webber - Winner

Nick Smith

Pete Walbrandt

 

D6 Female MVP

Mackenzie Neary - Winner

McKenzie Klun

Val Testa

 

D6 QB of the Year

John Langley - Winner

Ryan Henry

Steve Miller

 

Most Underrated Male

Adrian Cannon - Winner

Glenn Bird

Devin Linder

Joe Robison

Nick Smith

 

Most Underrated Female

Britney Matthews - Winner

Amy Denning

Amber Hay

Meg McInerney

Emma Patterson

 

Most Beloved Male

Dave Walter - Winner

Jay Jaskier

Tony Sanchez

Paul Scinta

Eric Stegmeier

 

Most Beloved Female

Val Cleavenger - Winner

Diana Bernal

Trish Esposito

Dorene Major

Lauren O'Brien

 

Best Defender (Male)

Greg Osika - Winner

Travis Cleavenger

Eric Delecki

Ralph Finney

Sean Weisansal

 

Best Defender (Female)

Jaimie Warren - Winner

Brandy Clarke

Emily Curry

Katie Keller

Christine Krol

 

Most Dedicated Male

Travis Cleavenger - Winner

Garrett Beesing

Tommy Hughes

Jay Jaskier

Joe Kurczewski

 

Most Dedicated Female

Emily Schilling - Winner

Diana Bernal

Jenna Blachura

Heather Cepuchowski

Steph Czaja

 

Best Referee

Jeremy Olson - Winner

Justin Garbacz

Billy Gunn

Jordan Lawson

Jeff May

 

Most Hated Villain

Steve Moser - Winner

Joey Battaglia

Blase LaDuca

Bobby McConnell

Nick Primerano

 

Player Too Good for Their Division

Laura Streeter (D4) - Winner

Seth Molisani (D4)

Rob Rummings (D6)

Katie Swanson (D5)

Sean Weisansal (D2)

 

Leonard Alba Person of the Year

Chris Cole - Winner

 

Storyline of the Year

Cole, Public Enemy retire on top - Winner

B's Brother finally makes his return

Gordon saves the bar from burning down

Jeremy Streit trades alcohol for championships

Kelly Kane - female QB superstar

 

Most Improved Team

Vaspian - Winner

Cobblestone

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Scared Hitless

Woodpeckers

 

Rookie Team of the Year

GUCCI - Winner

Lettuce Win

Slob Kabombs

Super Freaks

Today's Feast

 

Best at Bar

Zack Attack - Winner

A&A

Not So Sticky

TMA

TOX

 

Team of the Year

Public Enemy - Winner

A&A

Grey Hair - Don't Care

Spinelli's Plumbing

Scared Hitless

 

Thanks for the memories, Public Enemy!

 

***

Just a reminder that our Non-QB rankings are coming up starting May 12.  If you have any feedback on the categories below, shoot us an email and let us know.  If you do it before the rankings come out, maybe we'll listen to your advice.  Or you can just complain on Facebook when you don't like how our staff ranked you, your call!

• May 12: Best Teams All-Time in the League
• May 19: Best Female Players in the League
• May 26: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
• June 2: Division All-Star Teams Announced
• June 9: Most Likely TSL Hall of Famers

 

***

 

That's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you don't remember Boccio doing anything worthy of an MVP last Fall?  Hogan blew every call in one of your games and you can't BELIEVE he somehow won best referee?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..    Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 8 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 14 October 2021 15:28

Published: Thursday, 14 October 2021 15:28

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1835

 

 

Hello and welcome back to your final TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the year!

 

Another regular season is in the books and teams are eager to lace up their cleats this Saturday and chase that playoff immortality.  A few teams are feeling VERY confident in their chances while others already know they have about zero chance of taking home a championship trophy... but there are also a lot of teams in the middle in that "we COULD win it all with a few lucky breaks" category, and that's what makes sports so exciting.  Even if you weren't as good as you wanted to be over the past eight weeks, there's nothing stopping you from putting together a few good games and finishing the year on top of your division.  This is why we play the game, folks.

 

For our last article of the season (the Power Rankings Committee doesn't work during playoffs) this is what we have for you:

• QB Power Rankings - the definitive end of year QB Power Rankings.  There's no "maybe I'll move up next week" so we hope you like your rankings QBs - you're stuck with them for a while.
• Division by Division Review - in depth coverage of each divisions leaders on offense, defense and net point differentials, plus playoff "predictions" (kind of) and a final look at favorites, contenders, and pretenders
• Final Observations on the Fall 2021 Season - it's a long offseason (especially for us: we don't rank the TSL Winter session QBs) so these are some final thoughts for the year

 

Enjoy!

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 40-6, lost to Eyes Downtown 41-33

 

They won't finish their last ever season undefeated after a loss to rival Eyes Downtown, but Public Enemy WILL finish in first place in the standings and with the best offense in the TSL (42.9 PPG).  A quick recap on the tail end of Cole's career if his retirement plans hold and he rides off into the sunset as expected: we've done our Power Rankings 39 times across five seasons now and Cole has been ranked first in 22 of those, second in 10, and third in 7.  He has never been lower than third.  The GOAT retires on top of the Power Rankings... but he'd much rather retire with another D1 championship under his belt in a couple weeks.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Public Enemy 41-33

 

Last season Bobby was the only QB to beat otherwise undefeated Tight Ends in Motion.  This season he's the only QB to beat otherwise undefeated Public Enemy.  Eyes Downtown earned the first round bye that many assumed would belong to Tight Ends in Motion in the offseason, and they beat Public Enemy this week to prove that they're viable contenders for the championship.  Shame on us for thinking Eyes Downtown would be an afterthought in the D1 title picture this season.

 

#3 Matty "Ice" Ditullio - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No games for Matty Ice this week, but he proves his value in absentia as his "won 14 games in a row" teams combined to go 0-2 without him quarterbacking this week.

 

#4 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-22

 

Their two game losing streak to Losing Streak is now over and Tight Ends end the season the way they'd planned to begin it: with a win.  They've lost their grip on the first round bye so their path will be that much harder now, but Bro and team are still the World Champions until someone can knock them out of the playoffs.  If their whole team somehow showed up we would love their chances... but we haven't seen Kyle or Nick in weeks, so we're thinking this is who they are right now: talented but vulnerable.

 

#5 Seth Molisani - Slob Kabombs / Buffalo Vice - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 30-21, lost to Eyes Downtown 44-43 (Slob Kabombs), lost to Breast Friends 36-30

 

Slob Kabombs are now third in D1 in scoring behind only Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown, they're fourth in the division standings, and they've been beaten by Eyes Downtown twice in the last two weeks by only a single point each time.  Forfeits aside, these guys haven't lost by more than one point since Week 3 of this season.  Fair to say a lot of people are underestimating Seth and team, but they shouldn't be.  With this level of talent it's not IMPOSSIBLE they're playing in the D1 finals in a couple weeks.

 

#6 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Victorious Secret - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 34-22 (Losing Streak), lost to Blitzkrieg 51-25 (Victorious Secret)

 

Losing Streak finished their inaugural D1 campaign with a pair of wins against short handed Tight Ends in Motion squads, some very close losses and some losses that... well, weren't as close.  Losing Streak can attest to the fact that yes, there is a pretty big jump between D2 and D1.  But Jordan held his own more often than not, and Losing Streak finished 1 PPG shy of Slob Kabombs for third best offense in their division.  They ALSO finished 1 PPG shy of worst defense in the entire TSL, so that held them back more than anything.  We wouldn't give them very good championship odds, but they went 2-1 against their first round opponent, so they definitely have a shot of making it to the next round.  And Victorious Secret finished tied for the second best record in D6 (thanks in part to some forfeits, sure) which is a huge success for that team this session.  We could see the Victorious ladies upsetting TMA in a title game if everything bounced their way.

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Mike Thomas at the fields this week so the Sticky Bandits (or what passed for a Sticky Bandits squad with whoever they could scrape together this week) had Adrian Cannon quarterbacking for them.  The one time Mike played against Slob Kabombs earlier this season it came down to the final play, so we're expecting a good matchup in the first round of playoffs between those two teams.

 

#8 Dylan Jaloza - TopShot - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat A&A 19-16

 

A&A will not finish the season undefeated as Dylan Jaloza handed them their first loss this week in Matty's absence.  19 points isn't a great day at the office for Dylan, but a win's a win, and TopShot tied for the best record in the division.  Of course they had the best record in D3 last session and famously flamed out, but we don't THINK that will happen this season against Passed Our Prime?  Probably?

 

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

A Topper forfeit gives Scared Hitless their seventh win of the season after recording only two last session.  A pretty huge improvement for the Hitless men and women to go from bottom feeders to championship contenders that quickly.  

 

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

Fearful of the Scared Hitless women, Topper wisely forfeited to avoid the embarrassment of... no, actually he was in Ellicottville this weekend so he gave himself a rare day off.  With the forfeit loss When Dove Cries finishes with a losing record, but these vets have played this game long enough to know that regular season doesn't mean a whole lot.  Legends are made in the playoffs, and if last season's Championship game appearance is any indication, these guys know how to turn it up when it counts.

 

#11 Alex Buchlis - The Notorious BNB - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No Buchlis at the fields again this week as Notorious BNB (like many other teams in Week 8) played with a slew of subs.  

 

#12 Jeremy "Hogan" Olsen - Passed Our Prime - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 59-33

 

Stop us if you've heard this before: Passed Our Prime finishes in the Top Ten in the TSL for offensive points per game, and dead last in points against.  Yes, by losing to Bullet Club 59-33 they've officially passed the defunct Titsburgh Feelers for the distinction of worst defense in the League.  Hogan continues to shine on O, but it's hard to take this team seriously as a contender until they decide to play both sides of the ball.

 

#13 Jeremy Burr - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 27-20, lost to Last Dance 36-35

 

The Jeremy Burr experiment has worked out great for Untouchaballs so far this session as they finished the regular season in second place in D3.  They DID own a tiebreaker over Grey Hair - Don't Care (for what it's worth), so Untouchaballs were actually just two points away from locking up the top seed this past week if they only could have gotten past Last Dance.  And yet... they got killed by Cobblestone earlier this season (whom they would have played in the first round had they won the #1 seed) and they've beaten 4th & Dong (whom they'll play against now as the #2 seed) so maybe second place is better than first for this team based on the matchup.

 

#14 Travis Cleveanger - Breast Friends - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 36-30

 

Breast Friends finishes this season fourth in the TSL in points per game and, more importantly, they have wins over two of the top three teams in this division (Vaspian escaping them by just one score).  If Travis rolls out a complete team on Saturday for the playoffs, they'll be tough to beat.

 

#15 Joey Batts - Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  Beat Falconies 27-22

 

Cunning Stunts have a better record in the same division as Breast Friends, so the obvious choice would be to move Joey ahead of Travis in our Power Rankings on that basis alone.  But Breast Friends have 1.6 PPG more than the Stunts (who are fifth in the TSL in offense) AND the head to head win, which is why Joey gets slighted in our final Power Rankings of the year.  We do think the Stunts are the odds on favorites to win the D4 championship this year for what it's worth, as their defense is significantly better than Breast Friends.

 

#16 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Lost to Notorious BNB 44-32

 

XTC finished 3-6 and clearly a tier below the top teams in D2, but their point differential isn't as bad as their record so maybe they've got a shot at upsetting some teams in the playoffs.  Their first round opponent is When Dove Cries and the combined QB age will be north of 90 again (we wonder what the record is... Woodpeckers vs Come From Behind has to be up there?) but we still expect Dubey to put points on the board and challenge for a spot in the D2 semi-finals.

 

#17 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 28-8

 

Grey Hair - Don't Care finishes the Fall 2021 Regular Season on top of the D3 standings, which honestly surprised the hell out of us given the struggles they've had to be consistent week in and week out over the past few sessions.  Eickhoff is playing great football and after seeing All We Do is Quinn, Scared Hitless and the Sticky Bandits steal his thunder in D3 the past few seasons, we think it might finally be his time.

 

#18 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club / 4th & Dong - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  Beat the Angels 32-26 (4th & Dong)

 

It had been way too long since Scotty Ballgame picked up a W, and now the world feels right again.  Playing against the first all-gender team in recent memory (our records don't go far back enough to know if there had ever been an ALL girls team before... someone tell us if you know!) Scotty did enough to lock up the win and push 4th & Dong into the playoffs with some momentum.  We don't expect Bullet Club to have much success against A&A (tough matchup despite this week's win) but hey, 4th & Dong could make a run.

 

#19 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Zack Attack 31-20

 

The "not so undefeated" Brian O finally lost a game, though allegedly with a shell of a team this week against Zack Attack.  This week was rough for a lot of teams with attendance, so we don't read too much into it.  Vaspian finished 7-2 and they have the second best defense in the TSL at only 21.4 PPG allowed.  Moving down a division was the right choice for this team... although if they win out in the playoffs, they'll find themselves right back in D3 again next session.

 

#20 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care 28-8

 

8 points isn't a great week, but fuck it.  Darryl is a legend.  'Nuff said.

 

#21 Joe Miano - Falconies - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 38-19, lost to Cunning Stunts 27-22

 

Falconies had a chance to really insert themselves into the title picture this week by beating Puckett All-Stars and Cunning Stunts, which would have tied them for the best record in the division.  Instead they lost both games and finished at 5-4, one of six teams in D4 with five wins.  No, they didn't have their full roster, and yes, they hope to do better next week for playoffs, but now they have a first round date with Vaspian and that could be a tough nut to crack even for a great quarterback like Joe Miano.

 

#22 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs - (Previous Rank #23)

Last Week:  Beat Today's Feast 68-36

 

Sixty eight points!  Moser moves up in our final Power Rankings of the season with a dominant showing over Today's Feast.  We're still concerned about their "sixth worst in the TSL" defense but it won't matter if they can keep scoring to the Moser/Streeter girls, who combined for seven gender TDs last week.

 

#23 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Spinelli's who were already done for the season.  Nick was one of only four QBs this year whose team averaged 40+ PPG on offense.

 

#24 Brandon "B" Ford - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Beat Titsburgh Feelers 32-18

 

Crazy to think that Practice Squad, one of the most respected teams in D4, will not be playing in the postseason this session, but that's just how it's gone for B and company lately.  Beating the Titsburgh Feelers replacement team is a fun end to the season... but not the end that they had in mind a few months ago.  Practice Squad will be back, we have no doubt.

 

#25 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  Beat GUCCI 50-41, beat Falconies 38-19

 

Well we were clearly wrong about the playoff scenario last week because Puckett All-Stars won out their last couple games and made the playoffs.  This team usually saves an extra gear for the last games of the season so we shouldn't be surprised.  Scoring 88 points in the final week of the season is a good way to get some momentum at the right time too.  Puckett ends the session as the sixth seed but they're playing against a three seed next week that was only a single point better on total point differential this year, so it SHOULD be a close matchup against Buffalo Vice.

 

#26 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 31-20

 

We thought Vaspian would be a brutal opponent for Zack Attack to finish the regular season against, but the Attack clearly didn't mind.  They finished the season 5-4 and in possession of the final playoff spot in D4, which means a date with Cunning Stunts in the opening round of playoffs.  Tough matchup for most teams but... didn't Zack Attack DESTROY the Stunts just a few weeks ago?  This might be a candidate for a huge 1 seed vs 8 seed upset.

 

#27 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Woodpeckers 28-14

 

Come From Behind finished in second place for point differential in the entire TSL, a mere 0.07 PPG behind some team you've never heard of (Public Enemy?  Are we saying that right?).  This team won games, and they won them PRETTY easily.  Paul has been phenomenal slinging the ball around on O, but it's worth pointing out that they were also the #1 defense in the TSL at only 20.9 PPG allowed.  This is a SOLID team, and barring a disaster (ie Paul doesn't show up) they should be playing for a title in a couple weeks. 

 

#28 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids - (Previous Rank #28)

Last Week:  Lost to TMA twice (56-18 and 44-22)

 

We figured TMA vs Travis Henry's Kids was going to be a D6 finals preview, but now we hope it wasn't.  Travis Henry's Kids were outscored 100-40 this week in a pair of games against TMA, which doesn't give us much optimism for John Langley's chances in the finals.  Still, it was the last week of the season and most teams were shorthanded so maybe it doesn't mean anything?  We'll find out in a couple of weeks, as THK has earned a first round bye so they're already through to the D6 semi-finals.

 

#29 Kelly Kane - GUCCI - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Lost to 4th & Dong 32-26, lost to Puckett All-Stars 50-41

 

Kelly scored 41 points in a losing effort against Puckett All-Stars this week, then nearly beat 4th & Dong in her TRUE gender team subbing appearance with the Angels.  Two losses to end the season, but all things considered not a bad week:  she scored a ton of points with GUCCI, and then narrowly lost with a team of receivers she'd never played with before.  Kelly should only get better as she acclimates to new teams/people/rules etc in the TSL next session.  Keep an eye on this one.

 

#30 "Coach" Jay Jaskier - Wasted Potential - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

 

No game for Wasted Potential this week.

 

 

***

 

Division by Division Review

 

For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:

 

• The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division
• A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with the same "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we used earlier this year (if you're winning games by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math)
• A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Joey Batts is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say his team is in fact underrated, that's where we'll include it below) so TRY not to be offended.

 

And away we go!

 

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  Public Enemy is the favorite to retire at the top of their game if they can survive challenges from Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion; the other three teams have the talent to score an upset, but not the consistency to go the distance.

 

Underrated:  Tight Ends in Motion were short-handed or injured for most of their losses; if they're STILL short handed or injured during playoffs then they don't stand a chance, but if they've got the whole "D1 winning roster" available to them over the next couple of weeks, then they're a lot better than the stats you're seeing above.  Also potentially underrated are Slob Kabombs, whose point differential in our chart above is being tanked by their rough start to the season when they were outscored 49-98.  Since those first two games though (and excluding two forfeit losses) they're +18 in their last five games, so they're clearly the best team outside of the "Big Three".

 

Overrated:  Losing Streak and Sticky Bandits have wins against backups and wins via forfeit (and in Sticky's case, a win over Losing Streak); take those away, and they haven't REALLY beaten any of the other four teams yet.  Tough to bet on either of these teams to go the distance when they haven't done it yet all season (even though they've both been maddeningly close at times).

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline:  A&A has a slight edge over their two real contenders (Scared Hitless & TopShot) and everyone else is hoping for upsets.

 

Underrated:  D2 teams finished in almost exactly the order their point differential would suggest they should, so hard to say anyone is "overrated" or "underrated" here... but we'll go with A&A as our most underrated team, even though they're in first place.  They STILL haven't lost with Matty starting at QB (their only loss came in the last week of the season when he was out) and if we throw out that one 19-16 outlier loss their point differential per game increases to +9.5 PPG.  That isn't MUCH better than their best rivals, but it separates them from the pack just a little bit more.

 

Overrated:  Believe it or not we'll choose the LAST place team in this division as the most overrated, only because Bullet Club's stats are inflated by their last game of the season when Travis QBed.  Take away that one game and they're still winless with their starter, AND their point differential per game drops from -10.89 down to -15.50.  Tough to picture an upset against A&A in the first round, right?

 

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  No clear cut favorite means that a handful of teams could realistically win the D3 championship... Cobblestone isn't one of those.

 

Underrated:  The Angels are on a 6 game winning streak with their starting QB present, and their slim lead in point differential per game would only get bigger if we throw out their 6 point loss in Matty's absence this week.  They're not MUCH better than the rest of the division so by no means are they strong favorites to take home a title, but they've got the best offense and best point differential, plus a QB who hasn't lost a game since August.  Read that again. (Sorry, couldn't help ourselves Matty).

 

Overrated:  It's Grey Hair - Don't Care.  They're winning games and that's what's important, but many sports statisticians believe point differential is a better indicator for future success than your past win/loss record, and Grey Hair - Don't Care is shockingly average for a first place team.  They're fourth in their division in point differential, seventh in offense, and they're really only exceptional on the defensive side.  Good enough for a 7-2 record apparently, but maybe not good enough to beat the teams BELOW them in the standings when it counts.  Maybe they'll prove us wrong.

 

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  The TSL's most wide open division has 8 teams with winning records and positive point differentials; it's anyone's guess who wins this thing

 

Underrated:  We were tempted to go with Breast Friends only because they're fifth in their division despite having the second best point differential per game, but we're going to pick Vaspian instead.  A FULL strength Vaspian team (Brian and receivers) has yet to lose a game this session.  It's obviously cherry picking to throw out a team's short handed games and compare that to the rest of their division (if we throw out Vaspian's short handed games we should throw out EVERY team's short handed games to make it apples to apples, so this is highly irresponsible math) but just for fun let's do it anyway.  Vaspian is +55 over a nine game season, but if we toss out their first game (no Brian) and their last (many other missing players) they're +88 over seven games, which would be +12.57 PPG... good enough to pass Cunning Stunts for best in the division, and fourth best in the entire TSL.

 

Overrated:  Itches and Ohs finished fourth in the standings despite being sixth in point differential.  Okay that's not a BIG gap, but it's also inflated by beating an already eliminated Today's Feast in the final week of the season by 32 points.  Take THAT away and their point differential per game would drop from +4.67 to +1.25, which would drop them behind Zack Attack and Falconies for 8th best in the division.  

 

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  Spinelli's Plumbing and Come From Behind are likely to play for the championship; Wasted Potential is the only other team with a chance

 

Underrated:  Come From Behind finished second in the entire TSL in point differential per game, just a fraction behind Public Enemy and nearly 9 points per game better than Wasted Potential (who are ahead of Come From Behind in the standings).  For a third place team, they look an awful lot like a first place team.  We're not saying they're the best team in their division necessarily (dig into the numbers a bit and you can argue Spinelli's is absolutely better) but it does mean CFB is probably underrated.

 

Overrated:  The numbers might suggest that Wasted Potential is slightly overrated (their win/loss record probably exceeds what it should based on point differentials) but they've also been missing their starting QB at points in the season, so if anything they're debatably underrated for playoffs.  Instead we'll choose Woodpeckers as our VERY slightly "overrated" team here since they finished in fourth on tiebreakers despite their point differentials suggesting they should be 6th.  But that's really splitting hairs.  Most teams in this division are pretty accurately seeded.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

The Headline:  TMA should win the division... but every other team has a real chance of beating them

 

Underrated:  Definitely Blitzkrieg.  They finished next to last in their division (tied for the worst record), but their point differential suggests they could be the second best team in D6.  It wouldn't be a complete shocker to see these guys beating TMA in the championship game.  Sure, they're 1-2 against TMA this season, but they've actually outscored the #1 seed by 10 total points throughout those three games.  Blitzkrieg easily has the best playoff odds of any 3-6 team in the League right now.

 

Overrated:  Where to begin?  Apologies in advance to "girl power" and our TSL feminists.  In our defense, we took the Angels and "honorable mentioned" Breast Friends as underrated above so we're not THAT misogynistic (we LOVE our female refs, Jon Gruden doesn't know shit!) but in D6 it looks like Lenny's Ladies and Victorious Secret are both overrated teams.  Lenny's Ladies benefited from some "Top Ten in the Power Rankings" QB subs throughout the session that won't be available during the playoffs, while Victorious Secret benefited from two forfeit wins this season.  Take all that away, and you've got two good teams... but not as good as their stats/record would suggest.  Oh and we'll throw Travis Henry's Kids under the bus here as well.  Second best record in the division but they have a negative point differential?  Every other second place team is about +6 to +7 PPG and Travis Henry's Kids are -3.2!  What a crazy division.

 

***

 

Final Observations

 

Here are some final thoughts, in no particular order

• We ranked a bunch of random things this year in addition to QBs: female receivers, male receivers, bar legends, overrated/underrated teams etc.  Next year we'll TRY to advertise these things a week in advance in our article, so if you have any thoughts ("you're doing female pass rushers next week?  you've GOT to include Maggie!") you'll have a chance to convince us before we publish anything.
• If you have any thoughts about what we SHOULD rank next year, shoot us an email and let us know!  We've already got a few ideas for new things to rank that you're going to absolutely HATE next session.
• There were two remaining undefeated teams last week (Public Enemy and A&A)... and both of them lost on Saturday.  Ignoring Breakfast Club, this marks four seasons in a row now without a true undefeated squad in the League. Think about that for a second: there have been 24 divisions over four seasons, and not ONE of them has had an undefeated champion.  Winning is hard in this league!
• There were three remaining winless teams last week between Bullet Club, TOX and Super Freaks... and two of them won!  Okay, TOX via forfeit, but it still counts.  Super Freaks is the only winless team this session.  Last year we ALSO had one winless team (Juiced) so apparently it's easier to go winless in the TSL than it is to go undefeated.
• Several long winning streaks (Public Enemy, A&A, the Angels, Vaspian) were broken this week, mostly due to attendance issues.  The longest current winning streak in the League now belongs to Spinelli's Plumbing who started 0-1 and have won 8 in a row since.
• The longest losing streak in the League now belongs to Super Freaks at 9 games in a row, but we feel mean even pointing that out.
• Remember when COVID check-ins were a thing?  Good to know that everyone in the TSL was super cool and understanding about it, but yeah, let's hope we're never forced to do that again.
• We don't know exactly how long Public Enemy has existed, but we DO know that when they're gone next season Cobblestone will become the longest continuously operating team in the League (this excludes teams like Come From Behind or A&A that took time off from the League at some point).  Cobblestone might ALREADY be the longest continuously running team (we have no way of knowing if they or Public Enemy came first) but we can say with 100% certainty that it will be Cobblestone after Public Enemy is gone.  Never retire, Darryl!

 

And that's it for this year!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss us in the playoffs/winter session?  we went another full session without mentioning your name once?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

 

What’s YOUR ranking?