WEEK 2 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 09 May 2024 19:21

Published: Thursday, 09 May 2024 19:21

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 2305

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

We have TWO WEEKS in the books now and every single team in the League has played at least one game.  Perennial winners like Eyes Uptown (Legends), Puckett All-Stars, Jabronies and Come From Behind are all winless.  Travis Henry's Kids are on top of the standings (after shamefully dropping down a division of course).  It's a crazy, upside down world, but it'll start to make more sense as the season progresses and attendance/schedule issues even out.

 

For now though, here are your TOP FIFTEEN Quarterbacks in the TSL (and, one might argue, the world):

 

 

#1 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 35-32

We hope Sticky Nation isn't TOO offended to hear us say we did not see this one coming.  Yes, Eyes Downtown was without suspended defensive star Ben Stack, but they still boast as much firepower as anyone in the League.  Hats off to the Sticky crew for being the only undefeated team left in D1 after two weeks.  Their prize?  Eyes Uptown this week.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 35-32

One loss won't sink their season, but it will sink Bobby one spot in the Power Rankings this week.  This is probably still the best team in the League, and we wouldn't bet against them in any remaining games this season.  Prediction: Bobby takes back the #1 spot sooner rather than later.

 

#3 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games this week for either Battaglia team.  What a snoozefest for the rest of the League.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Untouchaballs 62-30

How's this for clever football analysis: sixty two points is pretty good!  Another BIG win for the Mavericks (couldn't they have just replaced Losing Streak in D1?) who have staked out an early lead in the D2 race.  Regular season seeding may not matter for most divisions, but remember, the top two seeds will get a first round bye in D2, and Jordan's got the fast track for that through two weeks.

 

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Did Not Play

Frodo Swaggins was off last week, and rumor has it Garrett was hobbled playing for Let's Get Reccked.  Let's hope it doesn't affect his QBing this week for Frodo's Eyes Uptown/Downtown Doubleheader.

 

#6 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat Puckett All-Stars 30-28

Scared Hitless was just 2-7 last season and in 7th place (D2 doesn't even HAVE seven teams anymore!) when suddenly they flipped a switch.  Since then they've had a deep playoff run to the D2 Finals, and started this season 2-0.  They could lose every game for the rest of this regular season and STILL finish with a better record than last Fall (they won't... but they could).

 

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 62-30, beat Puckett All-Stars 33-20

Getting beat by 32 points is never fun.  But if we're looking at the positives, Burr STILL put up 30 points in this game, which is actually pretty decent (the League average through two weeks is 29.25 PPG).  We don't expect a Matt Helm team to surrender 62 points again, so next time these teams play, it'll probably be a lot closer... we think.  Untouchaballs rebounded well in a bounce back win over Puckett to pick up their first win of the season.

 

#8 David Eickhoff - Freeballers

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 43-20

It felt strange writing "David Eickhoff - Freeballers" after so many years of Grey Hair - Don't Care.  While the team may be new to Dave, the success is not, as Freeballers picked up their first win this season with ease.  Are Freeballers good enough to compete for the championship?  We're not sure we know the answer to that yet.  But their odds are a lot better with Eickhoff steering the ship.

 

#9 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Lost to Freeballers 43-20

Poor Can't Touch This.  If the website is correct, they were 6-0 last Fall for about an hour, until they got destroyed by Freeballers 58-18.  Since then, they're on a 6 game losing streak, including THIS week's loss to Freeballers.  Ryan's still a blast to watch, but we would think it would translate into more W's.

 

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Wanderers this week, although Frank DID pull off a Buffalo Vice win subbing at QB (this doesn't affect his QB rating, but we think it's pretty cool)

 

#11 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 30-28, lost to Untouchaballs 33-20.

Puckett continues their "we're definitely good enough to be in D2, but not QUITE good enough to win yet" tour this Spring with another hard fought close loss to Scared Hitless, and a slightly less close but respectable loss to the reigning D2 champs Untouchaballs.  We'd bet they'll pick up their first W soon, but they'd better hurry... Those D1 crossover games are looming.

 

#12 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week:  Beat Let's Get Reccked 33-28

The TSL's youngest QB continued his hot streak as the Keller Whales outlasted Let's Get Reccked to start the season 3-0.  Wanderers and Malones are the only other undefeated teams in D3, and wouldn't ya know it, they are two of Keller Whale's next three opponents.  We'll learn a lot about how viable the Keller championship odds are in the next few weeks.

 

#13 Andy Strug - The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 48-39

Why aren't the Malones given more respect around the TSL?  Andy has played one game this session.  He won, and put up 48 points.  It's not like we should be sleeping on the Malones because they're "new" either -- they DID make it to the D3 championship game last session, they've proven they can win games.  People (our Committee included) are probably focused too much on who the "big names" are in the TSL over the years and not on who's kicking ass right now.

 

#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / Tater Tots

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 33-31 (Practice Squad), beat The Roaring 20's 57-16

D2 wasn't the best experience for Practice Squad.  Fortunately for them, they're back in D3 and it looks like they're RIGHT where they belong.  The Squad has already won two games this session (almost as many as they won in the last year in D2) and B's playing with confidence every week.  Tater Tots were smart to put their trust in him this session, making the jump to D4 and just smoking a couple teams right out of the gate.  

 

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Lost to Keller Whales 33-28

Let's Get Reccked had some injuries and absences this week, but they're a solid team and still expected to be in the mix for the D3 championship this season in what's shaping up to be one of the TSL's most exciting divisions.  LGR's only losses are to two undefeated teams, and their only win is against a winless team. 

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

We HATE doing graphs and charts too early in the season before they have any meaning.  HATE it.  In fact, we hate it so much that we made a graph just to show how stupid it is!  Here is your "WAY TOO EARLY TO MATTER" graph of every team in the TSL and their average win (or loss) margin per game, through two weeks:

 

 

Why do we show this data if it doesn't matter (and you can barely read it anyway, with that tiny font)?  We like to look at the extremes of either end of the League to see how likely these teams are to keep it up, for better or for worse.  So who has the BEST point differentials in the League through two weeks?  Sausage McMuffins (+40 PPG), Tater Tots (+33.5 PPG) and Travis Henry's Kids (+31 PPG).  Are these "meaningful" numbers?  Well...

• Sausage McMuffins have played a single game against a brand new team, which they won by 40.  Is it reasonable to expect they will beat other teams by a similar score?  No.  
• Tater Tots have one quality win against Creekers (who we think are a decent team) and then a 41 point annihilation of the brand new "Roaring 20's" team.  They're a good team, but is the rest of D4 going to allow them to keep up this win margin?  No.
• Travis Henry's Kids have beaten up on one gender team still finding its identity and one great team... which was missing all its players.  Are they going to be so lucky when they face a full strength GUCCI?  They might WIN, but it won't be by 30.  

 

The first team with a big point differential that we think might sustain that level of success throughout the season is the Mavericks (+19 PPG) and even there, they'll probably regress towards the mean at some point.  

 

On the other end of the spectrum, who are the teams with the worst margins of defeat through two weeks?  Come From Behind (-28 PPG), Dogg Pound (-22.5 PPG) and The Roaring 20's (-17.7 PPG).  Are THESE "meaningful" numbers?  Well...

• Come From Behind played two games this season without their QB or even a fourth male player.  Not only do we expect them to bounce back from -28 PPG, but we wouldn't be surprised if they broke even on point differential by end of the season.
• Dogg Pound and The Roaring 20's are brand new teams still figuring out how to win in this League, and they'll only grow in experience throughout the season.  Will either team have a winning record?  Maybe not, but they might not be getting crushed by 20 points per game by the end of the season either.

 

Our point being, let's not overreact to stats after two weeks.  The best teams are happy they're crushing teams, but that doesn't usually last.  The most miserable teams wish they weren't GETTING crushed every week, but the good news for them is that doesn't usually last either!  We won't know how good or bad anyone really is for a couple weeks.  Try not to freak out before then.

 

**

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

 

WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 12 October 2023 15:31

Published: Thursday, 12 October 2023 15:31

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 2994

 

 

***

 

Division by Division Review of the TSL

 

For our final analysis of the season, we're going to show you the following:

• The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division.  As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally).  There was only one forfeit this year (shame on you, Rick Reccio) so not as many adjustments as usual for that.  Then we tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses the same colors so it's not perfect (sorry Cunning Stunts for your sexist pink coloring!)
• A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with a similar "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 6+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials).  For what it's worth, in the last five seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 21 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 15 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders".
• A quick twitter sized (or "X sized") recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group.  Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think Travis Henry's Kids are overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean".  We're just reading numbers off a website, man.  Relax.

 

And away we go!

 

Division 1

 

 

The Headline:  Two massive juggernauts on a collision course for the Finals... and three other teams hoping to spoil the party.

 

Underrated:  They finished second in the D1 standings, but Eyes Downtown are first in offense, first in defense, and first in points per game this season.  It's tough to wrap our heads around this team being considered "underrated" with all the talent they have, but if we have to single out a team in D1 for this category, it's Eyes Downtown.

 

Overrated:  The Sticky Bandits path to the championship would involve beating Frodo Swaggins (against whom they went 1-2 this season), then Legends (0-2), then PROBABLY Eyes Downtown (also 0-2).  The only team they had success against this Fall was Losing Streak, and they can't possibly face Losing Streak until the Finals.  That's a lot to ask of a team, to reverse their fortunes against three teams in a row that each beat them multiple times throughout the season.

 

 

 

Division 2

 

 

The Headline: Untouchaballs, Freeballers and Can't Touch This lead the pack, with Mavericks, Cle-Avengers Assemble and THREAD good enough to make a run.  Scared Hitless and Practice Squad also play in this division.

 

Underrated:  Are Untouchaballs still undefeated when their whole team is there?  They had that week where they lost two games by the same high score, and then their other loss may have been without Burr?  It's tough to get all our facts straight on 45 teams, but we're PRETTY sure this team is damn near unstoppable when everyone is there.  We're assuming they'll show up for playoffs of course (doesn't everyone?) and if they do, they're better than that 6-3 record shows.

 

Overrated:  Can't Touch This somehow finished as nearly the top seed in their division, despite having just the fourth best point differential.  They also haven't won a game in almost a month, which makes us wonder if they're really in the top tier of this division, or just a middle of the pack team that got off to a strong start.

 

 

Division 3

 

 

The Headline:  The TSL's wildest division lives up to the billing, with one favorite (The Family) and several legitimate contenders.

 

Underrated:  Let's Get Reccked are 2-7, but they're losing by an average of less than 2 points per game.  That is NOT the point differential of a 2-7 team.  Like many teams in the TSL they've suffered from attendance issues, and there are no guarantees that their stars show up for playoffs either...  But if they do, Let's Get Reccked might just be the best 7th seed we've ever seen.

 

Overrated:  Vaspian was 4-1 before losing their last four games... and the final two of those were massacres.  Their defense is ranked sixth in their division at 34.4 PPG allowed, which isn't actually that far off from the best teams (Bullet Club leads D3 with 30.4 PPG allowed)... but their offense is WAY off from the top teams.  Vaspian are averaging 21.0 PPG, which is less than half of the top teams in this division.  It's hard to imagine them keeping up with a team like The Family in a shoot-out.

 

 

Division 4

 

 

The Headline:  The Cunning Stunts are destroying everyone, while a handful of other good teams hope for an upset.  TMA will not win.

 

Underrated:  Tiebreakers aside, each team's record in D4 is exactly in the order that one would expect based on their point differentials.  No one is statistically overrated OR underrated here, because they all pretty much finished in the order they should.  But since we have to pick one... we'll take Interdimensional Lightning Falcons.  They were the closest team to beating Cunning Stunts in the regular season, losing by a point on the last play, and they've finished the season on a four game winning streak.  If anyone can upset Joey and the Stunts machine, it's these guys.

 

Overrated:  Same commentary as above, it's a stretch to pick an "overrated" team in a division where everyone finished in the order their point differentials would suggest, blah blah blah.  We'll take Father Baker though.  They've won two games this session: one was against TMA, who apparently Topper with his disintegrating arm could probably beat this season, and the other was by just a few points over Buffalo Vice.  They're not likely to see either of those opponents in the playoffs (a win against ILF would almost certainly put them against the Stunts in the Semifinals) and they've used so many Bobby/Kyle guest appearances at QB this session that we don't even remember if Father Baker himself has even won a game yet?

 

 

Division 5

 

 

The Headline:  If you finished in the top half of this division, you've got a decent chance of winning the D5 Championship.  If you didn't, we wouldn't bet a dollar on your chances.

 

Underrated:  In our D3 review we said "Let's Get Reccked are 2-7, but they're losing by an average of less than 2 points per game.  That is NOT the point differential of a 2-7 team".  You can swap out "Let's Get Reccked" for "Cobblestone" here and the point would still hold up.  If there's a formula for a playoff upset, it's a) have the best athletes on your team, and b) hope they all show up on the same day.  Not much Darryl can do about the second point there, but his athletes are good enough to stack up against anyone.  If there's an underdog with a fighting chance, wouldn't it be this team?

 

Overrated:  BAADies finished with a .500 record (4-4-1)... and the second worst point differential in their division.  Gender teams are tricky to predict sometimes in the playoffs, because their girls usually have conflicts with their other teams throughout the season, and then suddenly everyone's available for playoffs when divisions are scheduled at different teams.  So it's possible that Garrett gets his full team together and surprises some people.  But so far NO team since we've been writing this article has ever won a championship from the dreaded "pretender" status on our graph (reminder: a red bar on the graph above shows that they're averaging losses by more than one score per game) so if BAADies want to win a championship this season, they're really going to have to buck history.

 

 

Division 6

 

 

 

The Headline:  With respect to D3, THIS is the TSL's most wide open division.  Seven teams have a chance to win here... and Back That Pass Up has a chance to get some drinks at the bar after their first round loss.

 

Underrated:  Just Get Open is our third 2-7 team we've looked at across these divisions that we think has an actual chance to win some playoff games.  Their point differentials aren't quite as good as Cobblestone or Let's Get Reccked, but at -4 PPG they aren't exactly dead in the water either.  They play Blitzkrieg in the first round, a team they lost to by a single score in the regular season.  Yes, Blitzkrieg will be the favorite in the first round, and yes, they deserve to be, but don't count JGO out yet.

 

Overrated:  We'll take the other team in that matchup we just described as the (slightly) most overrated team in D6 for playoffs.  Blitzkrieg earned the #2 seed... but we're not sure they felt like the #2 team in this division.  Just look at the graph above: Pit Harade, Balls Deep and Sausage McMuffins were all stronger statistically, and Blitzkrieg would have actually finished with a NEGATIVE point differential if not for a season ending 37-0 win against a shorthanded Back That Pass Up squad.  They'll have a real shot to win the division for sure, but not as strong a chance as one would expect from a #2 seeded team.

 

***

 

Top Ten Best and Worst Lists for the 2023 Spring Season

 

The division analysis above is the real meat and potatoes of this article, but in case you're curious how you stack up against teams in OTHER divisions, here are the top ten (and bottom ten) teams in the entire TSL for offensive points per game, defensive points per game, and average point differential per game.  As always, forfeit games are excluded:

 

 

What did we learn from this??  The magic numbers for us are always 20 and 40.  Nearly every team in this League averages between 20-40 PPG both offensively and defensively.  If you're higher than 40 offensively or lower than 20 defensively, you're doing an amazing job.  If you're lower than 20 offensively or higher than 40 defensively... you're probably not winning too many games.  This season we had 8 teams crack the 40 point mark, and one (unsurprising) team crack the 50 point mark.  Congrats to Cunning Stunts, our Fall 2023 scoring champs.  This is their third scoring title in the past four seasons.  Here is how they compare with ALL scoring champions since we started tracking this:

 

So if Cunning Stunts were the BEST offense, who were the worst?  This season we had two teams fail to make it to 20 PPG on offense (Practice Squad & Back That Pass Up).  Those teams, unsurprisingly, went a combined 3-15 this season.  

 

Then on the other side of the ball, there was not a single defense that held opponents to under 20 PPG this session!  Last session we had four, so it's a little surprising that not one team cracked the 20 point mark defensively.  It might have something to do with the great weather we mostly enjoyed, which tends to favor offense.  That would explain why we had five teams this session (BAADies, Father Baker, 716, TMA and Frodo Swaggins) that allowed 40+ points per game, up from just one team last session.  Those five teams went a combined 10-35-1 this season allowing so many points, and in fact 6 of those 10 wins (and a tie) come from Garrett Beesing QBed teams!  The rest of the pack went 4-23 without Garrett's offense to save them.

 

Worth noting, when we wrote this same part of this article in Spring session, we said the following about Creekers: "It feels like we beat up on the Creekers a lot here, but that's just because we enjoy pointing out statistical anomalies.  So here's a pro-Creekers stat for their team: guys, you are nowhere NEAR as bad as the Replacements were last year!  The Fall 2022 season's punching bag team was 0-9, averaged only 10.8 PPG on offense (barely HALF of what Creekers are scoring) and allowed 48.0 PPG on defense.  Where the Creekers were outscored by 21.7 PPG, the Replacements were outscored by 37.3 PPG.  So you see, it could have been a lot worse!"  The Creekers responded this session by going 6-3 and nearly winning the top seed in their division.  The lesson there: don't give up, kids!

 

Besides the "40/20 Clubs", what else do we see from the best and worst units in the League?  Freeballers finished as the only team to make the Top Ten Best lists in every category, while four teams (716, TMA, Not So Sticky and Back That Pass Up) all made the Top Ten Worst lists in every category.  Apparently it's easier to be horrible than it is to be great! 

 

***

 

All-Time Championship Statistics

 

A few sessions ago we compiled a list of every TSL champion in League history and devised a ranking system to see who the "best teams of all time" were.  This was exhausting to research and put together, but it's now very simple to update once a session, so that's what we've done here.  The timing feels right to update you all on this now JUST before playoffs so we can remind you what you're chasing here... co-ed football immortality.  Here are the current immortals:

 

 

THAT part is objective - the champs are the champs, and we'd like to think history will remember their achievements for 1,000 years to come (history classes will likely debate what exactly the "Tommy Hughes Experience" was).  This next part though is subjective:  we then attempted to compare the relative strength of each division's championships to come up with a ranking system (a D2 title is harder to win than a D4 title) and this is what we landed on:

• A D1 championship is our baseline since it's the best a team can do.  Let's make that worth 100 points.  
• A D2 title is worth, at BEST, 49% of that, since two D2 titles don't quite equal a D1 title (you can argue it should be LESS than 49%, but we've made the choice to weight lower divisions as heavily as reasonably possible here).  49 points for a D2 title.
• A D3 title should be worth 49% of THAT, so about 24 points for each D3 championship.
• Every subsequent division is worth 49% of the previous one, so D4 is worth 11 points, D5 is worth 5 points, and D6 is worth 2 points.
• Indoor championships aren't currently worth a point (though we may revised this in the future).  With apologies to DILFS, Jelly Beans and Sticky Bandits, Winter sessions are often used to make new teams and play with new people.  No team should be penalized in the rankings for doing that instead of entering their usual squad.

 

It's an arbitrary system of course, but it's the one we chose.  So here is the updated list of your "greatest champions of all time" going into the Fall 2023 playoffs (active teams are highlighted below):

 

 

We always debate making a change to the math above so that subsequent championships in the same division would be worth less the second time around.  After all, is it fair that Puckett keeps improving their standings by winning D4 over and over?  Shouldn't they move up at some point?  But for now we decided to leave it as is.

 

So where does that leave us today?  Legends has tied Green & Associates by winning their third D1 championship, and two more would tie Public Enemy as the greatest team in TSL history.  Eyes Downtown could jump from 9th to 5th with a win, and Sticky Bandits from 13th to 8th.

 

Puckett All-Stars is tied with Public Enemy for the most TSL Championships of all-time with five.  If they win again this season, they'll be the most decorated champions in TSL history.  You can decide yourself if that deserves an asterisk for never moving up to win D3!

 

Sticky Bandits and Practice Squad both have the opportunity to become the first team in TSL history to win a championship in four different divisions.

 

Bottom line, people remember champions, not the teams who come in second place, so immortality can only be found by winning it all.  Good luck!

 

 

***

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this season!  We can't possibly make any other charts for you at this point (this was exhausting) and we doubt anyone has read this start-to-finish anyway.  

 

We don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts on any of the above, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  Good luck in the playoffs.

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 1 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 02 May 2024 14:30

Published: Thursday, 02 May 2024 14:30

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 2346

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (if for no other reason than to complain about how wrong we are) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather if you want better writing) so we typically lean heavily on graphs and stats instead... at least, we do after a few weeks, when there's significant enough data to bother sharing.  In our season opening articles we also make a few predictions for the session and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from previous articles.

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are 51 teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 51 starting QB’s every week?”

Not even close.  At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 25, so we do try to be inclusive.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Ten or Fifteen, and that's the way it should be (this is why "D5 Langley" will struggle to crack the Rankings this season.).  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.  The biggest knock on gender teams is that they tend to play in lower divisions and as we said above, we do factor THAT into our rankings.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.  

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are several new teams this session, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  We no longer have our own email address due to some legal restructuring stuff, so if you want to tell us about your QB, why not email This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and introduce yourself?  And please, please be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Bobby McConnell just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

"What about Breakfast Club QBs?"

Breakfast Club is for fun, not crushing your opponents, so if you're running up the score to try to get noticed... well, that only makes you an asshole!  We don't put a lot of stock in the stats from Breakfast Club and don't factor that into our Rankings.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best male receivers, best female receivers, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.  

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee (there's a few of us), you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with fifty-ish teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year (with the benefit of one week already being in the books, of course): 

• Wanderers win their first ever TSL championship, and we'll even guess the score is 30 something to 30 something in the D3 Finals
• Whoever wins D2 will buck the trend and actually jump to D1 in the Fall... stranger things have happened!
• At least one brand new team will make it to their divisions Finals game
• GUCCI finally shake off their underperforming in the playoffs and take home the D5 championship
• The Rose Garden WILL begin construction before the end of the Spring session!
• No D6 team will finish with more than 6 wins in the regular season

 

 

But what do we know?  We went 2 out of 6 on last year's predictions:

• Legends do NOT win the D1 championship for a record fourth straight season [nailed it!  Eyes Downtown walked away with the title... as well as the 2023 Team of the Year Award]
• There will be at least one gender team vs gender team Finals.  We're counting GUCCI as a gender team here to give us some more flexibility, but we'll either seen Father Baker vs Cunning Stunts or BAADies vs GUCCI in a championship game this Fall. [we could not have been MORE wrong; Cunning Stunts was the only gender team to escape the first round, after which they promptly lost in the semis, and GUCCI, Father Baker and BAADies all lost in the first round... with Father Baker and BAADies combining for a total of zero points!]
• No one goes winless this season.  Yes, we made that prediction last Spring and got it wrong (twice) but we feel much better about it this time! [wrong yet again; Not So Sticky went winless in the regular season before shocking Spinelli's in the playoffs... but TMA won zero games the entire Fall session]
• Frodo Swaggins has the worst record of any returning team in D1, but they will make their division's Final Four. [they did!  Frodo beat Sticky Nation in the play-in game to make the Final Four, and had a reasonably competitive semifinals game against Legends before bowing out of the playoffs]
• Freeballers will play in (and maybe win, but that's not an "official" prediction) the D2 Championship game [we were so close... but Freeballers lost a classic to Scared Hitless, so the furthest they made it was the semi-finals]
• Steph's Misty-rious Infection beats the Dirty Dozen in the Breakfast Club Finals [we got the winner right... but not the runner-up, as BDD was the next-to-last team standing in Breakfast Club]

 

So there you go.  Let's get to the first QB Power Rankings of the Spring 2024 Season.  

 

As always, we do NOT overreact to one week's worth of games in our first Power Rankings of the season.  Joey Batts and Garrett Beesing both lost on Saturday - you think they're going to fall very far in the Rankings?  Not a chance.  You also might not see many new people yet because we need a larger sample size to see how some of these changes play out.  Sorry if you don't like it, but if people are good enough, their stock will rise quickly and we'll get them Ranked over the next few weeks.  

 

Here are your Top Ten starting QBs in the TSL:

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Uptown 43-34

Last season's #1 ranked QB and D1 champion picked up where he left off with a win over his biggest rivals.  Will Bobby become the first player to win Fall, Winter and Spring back-to-back-to-back?  The schedule only gets easier from here for Eyes Downtown.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Eyes Uptown / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 43-34, beat Reset Warriors 42-34

"Legends" are now "Eyes Uptown", which is trolling at its finest.  It'll be tough for TSL icon Joey Batts to reclaim the #1 spot for a few weeks at least, until he gets another shot at a head-to-head win over Bobby and Eyes Downtown.  Although success eluded his D1 team on opening day, the Stunts picked up right where they left off with a win over newcomers Reset Warriors, which should be a surprise to no one.

 

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 25-21

The Sticky Bandits broke a three game losing streak against Frodo Swaggins on Saturday in a battle between "the other two" D1 teams.  The game wasn't very high scoring but this was likely a result of the pouring rain at the 10 am hour.  Would Mike jump up to the #1 spot with a win over Eyes Downtown this weekend?

 

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week:  Lost to Sticky Bandits 25-21

The BAADies are no more (rest in peace) but Frodo Swaggins are still going strong in D1.  Their record is bound to look a little shaky playing against Eyes Downtown, Eyes Uptown and Sticky Bandits every week, but don't be fooled into thinking this isn't one of the three or four best teams in the TSL.

 

#5 Jordan Lawson - Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Freeballers 32-14, beat Puckett All-Stars 44-38

Add Losing Streak to the list of disbanded teams this session, as the Mavericks are now Jordan's sole team in the League (bring back Victorious Secret!).  They started off hot by crushing Freeballers and then held on an hour later to beat Puckett and go 2-0.  Untouchaballs haven't played yet, but Mavericks might be the early favorites in D2.  Strangely Jordan DROPPED two spots in the Power Rankings after going 2-0, but that's more a product of the QBs above him facing stronger competition in Week One.

 

#6 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the reigning D2 champs last week.  Untouchaballs will open with a doubleheader this week against Mavericks and Puckett.

 

#7 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Beat Can't Touch This 38-36

Scared Hitless overcame Can't Touch This in a tight battle for early D2 bragging rights.  Dylan jumps ahead of Ryan in the QB Rankings, but both QBs put on a show scoring 36+ points.

 

#8 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Lost to Scared Hitless 38-36

Scared Hitless overcame Can't Touch This in a tight battle for early D2 bragging rights.  Dylan jumps ahead of Ryan in the QB Rankings, but both QBs put on a show scoring 36+ points.  (What?  Why can't we use the same write-up twice?)

 

#9 Theo Russell - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Lost to Mavericks 44-38

Alright Puckett All-Stars, WE SEE YOU.  After adding some serious talent, Puckett made the jump from D4 to D2, and they immediately looked right at home keeping up with the Mavericks in a close Week One loss.  Theo Russell had a few moments that made you think "this guy is definitely new to QBing co-ed touch football", but he also had a few that made you think "holy shit, keep an eye on this guy after he has a full season under his belt".

 

#10 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 34-32, beat Let's Get Reccked 36-32

Both games were close in the end, but isn't this what we expect out of Wanderers at this point?  Their defense gives up 30+ points, Frank and the offense do JUST enough to lock up the wins?  D3 is always one of our tightest divisions from top to bottom, and a 2-0 start is exactly what the Wanderers need to build SOME separation from the pack.  

 

 

Fancy Statistics Section

Yeah, right.  You're not getting any fancy statistics out of us until at LEAST Week Four, and even then we'll tell you the sample size is too small to be meaningful (yes, we're going to copy/paste this line next week too, so get used to it)

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 05 October 2023 20:29

Published: Thursday, 05 October 2023 20:29

Written by Jeff Krol

Hits: 3031

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  

 

Why is your team's QB ranked so low?  Let's find out!

 

 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for the TSL's top dog, but he WAS spotted at the fields this week scouting the competition.

 

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 52-26, beat Frodo Swaggins 61-24 (Legends), beat Travis Henry's Kids 51-32, beat Father Baker 56-36 (Stunts)

There was a time when we were considering a huge drop in the Power Rankings for Joey when it seemed like he was no longer the starting QB of his D1 team.  Not anymore.  Joey put up 51, 52, 56 and 61 points in his four games on Saturday.  If you're looking for a path to climbing the Power Rankings, there's the blueprint: join competitive teams, and score a shitload of points.

#3 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 52-26, beat Losing Streak 33-14

The Sticky Bandits ended their four game losing streak (against Losing Streak!), and then promptly started a new one against Legends.  The struggle this week was determining which of Mike or Jordan would be ranked higher.  Jordan's D1 team has scored 40 more points and has a better record... but we gave the edge to Mike for going 2-0 against Losing Streak head to head.

 

#4 Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak / Mavericks

Last Week:  Beat Frodo Swaggins 52-18, lost to Sticky Bandits 33-14 (Losing Streak), beat Practice Squad 58-26 (Mavericks)

See above.  Maybe Jordan should be #3.  Maybe not.  Power Ranking is tough!  Two 50+ point games on Saturday helped his case.  The 14 point loss did not.  If Losing Streak can beat Legends next week, that'll be enough to earn them a first round bye and almost certainly a move up in the Power Rankings.

 

#5 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week:  Beat Practice Squad 39-0, beat Freeballers 37-14

Can't Touch This were the early Cinderella story in D2.  Then it was Freeballers.  But if we're being honest with ourselves... wasn't this ALWAYS Untouchaballs division to lose?  They might not finish with the #1 seed.  But they'll finish with Burr and Helm and Greg and Mel... and that's enough to go all the way.

 

#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins / BAADies

Last Week:  Lost to Legends 61-24, lost to Losing Streak 52-18 (Frodo)

Well, they didn't go 0-9 this season, so that's something.  But Frodo looked every bit the odd man out in D1 last week with two massive losses to Legends and Losing Streak.  They have two close games against the Sticky Bandits, who they play again this weekend, but it's hard to imagine them beating anyone ELSE in the playoffs this season.

 

#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Freeballers

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 37-14

The bubble has burst on the recent Freeballers domination.  Oh, they're still a great team, and they'll still make a great playoff run, but for a minute there it seemed like they were basically... untouchable (awful pun.  who writes this stuff?).  They're still the best point differential in D2, and have to at least be in the conversation for favorites to win that division.

 

#8 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Can't Touch This on Saturday.  Reminder: it's been over a month now since they beat a team not named "Scared Hitless".

 

#9 Terrell Bolden - The Family

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No game for The Family this week as Let's Get Reccked forfeits.  We might forfeit too if we had to go against this machine!

 

#10 Travis Cleavenger - Cle-Avengers Assemble

Last Week:  Beat THREAD 37-28

Since an opening week 0-2 start, Cle-Avengers have been trading wins and losses week to week.  Neither hot nor cold, they're kind of stuck in neutral in the D2 race at the moment.  

 

#11 Frank Laudico - Wanderers

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 43-34, beat 716 70-6

Wanderers needed just one more point to beat 716 by a score of 71-6.  What a wasted opportunity.  Last week we were writing about how these guys were in last place in D3.  They don't feel like a "last place" team anymore after two huge wins on Saturday.

 

#12 Mark Dalfonso - THREAD

Last Week:  Lost to Cle-Avengers Assemble 37-28

The mediocrity of THREAD continued on Saturday as they dropped a close game to another mid-level D2 team.  Is all this going to be irrelevant in the playoffs when they just keep bombing it to Andy Smith over and over?

 

#13 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Scared Hitless this week.

 

#14 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad / 716

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 39-0, lost to Mavericks 58-26

Practice Squad locked up the 8th seed in D2 this week by losing both games of a doubleheader (even if Scared Hitless loses both of their last two games this Saturday, they own the tiebreaker over Practice Squad).  That means B and team will face either Can't Touch This, Untouchaballs or Freeballers in the first round of the playoffs.  They crushed a very different looking Freeballers team in last Spring's playoffs and played a close one against Can't Touch This earlier this season, so we assume they're rooting for anyone BUT Untouchaballs in that first round.

#15 Alex Buchlis - Let's Get Reccked

Last Week:  Did Not Play

No games for Let's Get Reccked this week.  Well they HAD one, and had to forfeit.  Should that count against a QB in the Power Rankings?  It didn't.

 

#16 Damien Keller - Keller Whales

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 45-30, lost to The Malones 53-30

Keller Whales are in 2nd place in their division with only a +2 point differential on the whole season.  Man, D3 is really the most exciting division we have this season.  We give up trying to predict game outcomes here.  

 

#17 Andy Clark - Buffalo Vice

Last Week:  Lost to Puckett All-Stars 32-24

Is Buffalo Vice vs Puckett All-Stars the best rivalry in D4?  We think it is.  Puckett took the latest chapter in their ongoing feud this week... and somehow Andy sits one spot above T.J. in the Power Rankings?  How is that fair?  

#18 T.J. Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Vice 32-24, beat TMA 30-7

Puckett gets one quality win this week and one... well, less quality win.  We've seen Puckett sort of coast in the regular season many times in the past just to amp it up in time for the playoffs.  Is that their plan again this season?

 

#19 John Langley - Bullet Club / Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week:  Lost to Wanderers 43-34 (Bullet Club), lost to Cunning Stunts 51-32, lost to ILF 31-20 (Travis Henry's Kids)

Three games, three losses for Langley this week.  Which team would you feel more comfortable betting $100 on to win their respective championship in a few weeks?  We should ask John that question.

#20 Brian Orzechowski - Vaspian

Last Week:  Lost to Keller Whales 45-30

Vaspian dropped their second game in a row on Saturday to fall to 4-3 on the season.  Don't they usually play great defense every year?  Giving up 45 points is not great defense!

 

#21 Paul LoVullo - Come From Behind

Last Week:  Beat Not So Sticky 28-17

Paul did what Paul does on Saturday and blasted away at a bad Not So Sticky team to finish Come From Behind's regular season at 6-3, which is CURRENTLY good enough for first place in D5.  The Creekers can pass them with a win this Saturday, but no matter what seed CFB get, we expect they'll be favorites in that first round.

#22 Buddy Lee - Passing While Intoxicated / Back That Pass Up

Last Week:  Beat TMA 50-16 (PWI), lost to Sausage McMuffins 29-8, lost to Mighty Drunks 25-21 (BTPU)

It seems strangely easy to beat TMA these days.  Didn't those guys used to be awesome?  While PWI is in fine shape for the playoffs, we're surprised BTPU is sitting in last place in D6.  Isn't Buddy's veteran leadership enough to at least go .500?

 

#23 Kelly Kane - GUCCI

Last Week:  Did Not Play

The GUCCI regular season is over - their only job now is to not collapse in the first round of playoffs... like they did last season.

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone

Last Week:  Lost to Spinelli's Plumbing 40-34

Cobblestone appears to be a lock for the 7th seed in D5 this season.  We say it every week, but if Darryl's whole squad will all show up at the same time...

#25 Rhace Colon - The Malones

Last Week:  Beat Keller Whales 53-30

Full disclosure: this guy would be ranked MUCH higher, if we knew anything about him.  Who ARE the Malones?  Who is Rhace?  We're not even 100% sure he's the QB of this team.  But they have a winning record in D3 this session and the third highest scoring team in the entire TSL (41.4 PPG).  We should have Ranked this guy weeks ago.

 

Fancy Statistics Section

 

Here's a concept below that we did last season, and although not one person complimented us for it, we felt like it was worth recycling!  

 

Some teams are carried to success by their great offenses (gender teams, typically) and others are carried by great defenses (Vaspian, historically), so we wanted to explore a more in-depth view to see how balanced each team is on both sides of the ball.  To start with, we ranked all teams in the League on both offensive points per game and defensive points per game allowed from best to worst (the best is #1, the worst is #46).  Then we subtracted each team's offensive rank from its defensive rank to see how big the difference was, and to what side of the ball (if any) each team skewed.  Sound complicated?  It's probably easier just to show you:

 

 

What does this graph even mean, why did we pick weird colors, and why aren't the bars even labeled?? All good questions (we admit, this is a weird one) but hear us out:

 

If you're on the top of the above chart in that orange color, it means your offensive rank is better than your defensive rank.  For example, The Malones are the 3rd best offense in the League and the 40th best defense, so their combined score is +37. Sausage McMuffins on the other end of the spectrum is the 39th best offense in the League and the absolute best defense, so their combined score is -38 (shown in purple).  These two teams represent the biggest extremes in the League right now, and everyone else falls somewhere in between.  Anyone in orange leans towards offensive strengths, anyone in purple leans towards defensive strengths (those dashed boxes on the chart are just there to call out the biggest discrepancies where one rank exceeds the other by a lot in one direction).

 

So why did we pick orange and purple as the colors?  We usually use green and red for our graphics, but green typically implies "good" and red typically implies "bad", and this graph isn't about "good or bad" -- it's just about which side of the ball each team seems to be strongest.  The best example of the point we're trying to make is right in the middle of the graph, where you'll see TMA and Freeballers are virtually tied at -2 and -1 respectively (almost perfectly balanced, SLIGHT lean towards offense as their stronger side).  On the surface they could not be more different teams: TMA are 0-8 (offensive rank: 42nd, defensive rank: 44th) and Freeballers are 5-2 (offensive rank: 5th, defensive rank: 6th).  But both teams are about equally balanced in terms of their offense vs their defense... it just so happens that Freeballers are great on both sides, and TMA are NOT great on both sides.  That's why we didn't label each bar on the graph - the +1 itself is kind of meaningless when you're describing either TMA or Freeballers -- the important thing is where your team falls on the graph relative to the OTHER teams shown.

 

Why do we like this graph?  Well, it helps you point fingers if you're trying to blame someone on your team for your failures, AND it helps to give credit to someone on your team if you're having success!  In other words, if your team is deep in the orange category above, MAYBE consider laying off your QB next time he makes a bad throw, because your offense has been carrying your team all season.  Or if you're deep in the purple, it probably IS your quarterback's fault you're not doing better, so feel free to bench him and try someone else at the position.

 

 

That's it for the TSL Power Rankings this week!  As we said above, we don't currently have our own email address anymore, so if you have any thoughts about QB rankings, or you want to make sure we know who's throwing for your team, please feel free to contact our good friend This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..  You tell him, he'll tell us.  

 

What's YOUR ranking?