Week 2 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Published: Thursday, 06 May 2021 20:17

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7320

 

 

"When you're GOOD at something, you'll tell everyone.  When you're GREAT at something, they'll tell you" - Walter Payton

 

We're two weeks into the Spring 2021 season and by now every team has played at least one game EXCEPT for Cobblestone.  Darryl is a big believer in being fashionably late to the party, apparently.  For the rest of us, we've all had a chance to shine or to flounder by now.  So let's take a look at our TSL Quarterback Power Rankings for Week Two:

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 33-0, beat Why So Serious 33-17

 

Are you BORED yet?  We're bored.  Two more Public Enemy wins + 33 points scored in each = Chris's 16th week in the top spot (6th in a row).  What else can we even say at this point?  Don't you just want these guys to lose so you can rub it in Cole's smug face?  But who can beat the Champs?  We're looking at you, #2 on our Power Rankings...

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 35-21

 

No change here either, as Eyes Downtown surprised exactly no one by beating brand new D1 team Sloppy Seconds.  Look, without a huge upset, this was never going to be the week that the Top Three changed, it was just the rich getting richer and the poor D1 second-tier getting their asses handed to them.  But with Public Enemy vs Eyes Downtown on the schedule for this week, we're almost guaranteed a shake-up at the top one way or another.  Only question is whether Bobby's moving up or moving down after that game.

 

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 53-8.

 

We don't know what's more impressive: Tight Ends' LEAGUE leading 45.5 PPG on offense or their LEAGUE leading 7.0 PPG on defense.  Yes, the best offensive team in the League is also the best defensive team in the League, and they're doing it in Division 1.  We're probably doing Bro a disservice by ranking him #3 right now, but as long as all three top guys remained undefeated, we were always going to go with experience over stats.  Unfair?  Maybe, but he'll get a crack at his real competition eventually this season, and those are the games that will show where Bro really belongs.

 

#4 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 30-25

 

In case you missed Matty's "dissatisfaction" with our work on the TSL Facebook last week, we'll reprint his comments here:

 

"Alright Im back and I need to make my presence known not only on the field but on social media as well. With that being said I have to comment on this list.  This. Is. Absolute. Blasphemy.  I should never ever be out of the top 3. Ever.  Lemme give you a quick little story. I take a year off, I gotta do some adult stuff ya know.  I make my return only to see the godfather picks against me, I come in as the under dog for A&A. On my first drive go 5-5 for a girl touchdown and a guy 2 point conversion. Flawless. Mike Boccio witnessed it and was in utter shock.  I'd like to reiterate this. I took a year off.  I then take an a gender team, where no gender team has gone before, and get a huge W!  I maybe understand Chris Cole and [Bobby McConnell] being in front of me, they have earned it. Dedicated themselves to this game.  BUT the other two being in front of me is a complete laugh. I didn't play for a year, come back and demolish who ever was set in front of me. I think I'm gonna have Travis Clev QB for A&A the rest of the season and let Katie Salbury go for The Angels and I just come back for the play offs and win it all.  CLEARLY I DONT NEED PRACTICE.  This list needs to be revamped.  I'll see how it looks after week 2.  Until then. This list isn't to be taken seriously."

 

We do LOVE a good rant (haven't gotten one from Scotty Dro yet this year, which is disappointing) but let's add a little context to your "quick little story": 

 

1) Yes, you "took a year off" so maybe you need a refresher on where we're at here: This is the 2021 Power Rankings.  Winter session subbing appearances aside, we haven't seen you play since 2019.  You're living in the past, Matty!  This is a "what have you done for me lately" world we're living in, and while Joey and Bro were battling for glory last year, you were... raising dogs or something? (seriously though: we DO love your dog)

2) If Mike Boccio is in "utter shock" about your opening drive success... maybe that means he just doesn't think you're very good?  We don't want to speak for Mr. Boccio here, as he's not on our Power Rankings Committee (or is he?)

3) We DID push you narrowly ahead of Joey this week (you deserve it, you won; he didn't play) but you think you're ahead of Bro Kleckler?  Your awesome talent aside, Bro IS leading the league in scoring on a D1 team.  Have you WATCHED him play?  He should arguably be higher on the list than he is.  "But Bro is surrounded by all this great talent!"  What, and The Angels surrounded themselves with garbage?  You both play with GREAT talent... but Bro's currently scoring more points with his, in a division you CHOSE not to enter.

 

You don't have to "take us seriously" (we suspect no one does...) but we stand behind our #4 this week.  If it makes you feel any better, we ranked you ahead of 56 other QBs.  Try to look at the glass as half full.

 

#5 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  DNP

 

No Mountain Dew Me game this week and a Cunning Stunts win engineered by sub Jordan Lawson.  Joey drops a spot due to inactivity combined with Matty's win.

 

#6 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Scared Hitless 36-32

 

Bullet Club is the highest scoring team in D2 at 41 PPG, and the second highest scoring non-gender team in the TSL, which has Scotty Dro rising to his highest ranking yet.  Up next: Undefeated When Dove Cries, who boast the best defense in D2.  Irresistible force (we're sure Scotty would agree with that), meet Immovable object.  Scotty has had hot starts before though, only to disappear as the season goes on.  Does Joe K have a plan for keeping Scotty motivated (and physically present) as Bullet Club pushes for a championship over the coming months?

 

#7 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to A&A 30-25

 

Dubey finished last season at #3 in our Power Rankings, and he has started this season by going 0-2.  Of course his losses are to Joey Batts and Matty Ice and those are two pretty great QBs (even though Matty doesn't seem to think much of Joey).  XTC will try to turn their luck around against newcomers Passed Our Prime this week, who are also trying to bust out of an 0-2 start.  An 0-3 start could push Dubey right out of the Top Ten, but we suspect he'll bounce back this week against POP's League-worst defense (47 PPG allowed).  

 

#8 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 35-21

 

The Alex Buchlis experiment in team building continues ahead of schedule, as Sloppy Seconds falls to Eyes Downtown but not without putting up a fight.  The loss costs Buchlis a spot in the Power Rankings, but he's averaging 20 PPG against Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown so far, which is impressive given his brand new cast of receivers.  We don't imagine the D1 finals being anything other than some combination of Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown and Tight Ends in Motion, but if Sloppy Seconds continues their current trajectory learning to play together, they might just pull off an impressive playoff upset along the way.

 

#9 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Wolfpack 22-17

 

Not the most explosive offensive showing in his career, but Vince scores just enough to win and keep AWDIQ undefeated.  The good news for Vince is that he moves up a spot to #9 this week.  The bad news is that he's probably hit his ceiling in the Power Rankings as long as he stays in D3.  We can't imagine him climbing past many of the legends above him right now, and there are several D2 QBs ready to make their own push into the Top Ten which will probably knock him back.  Quinn must get so sick of hearing people say this, but we'll just add to the chorus: please, please win D3 this session so we can FINALLY see what you can do in D2.  You belong there... or at least you will, if you can dominate the playoffs as much as you dominate the regular season.

 

#10 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries / TOX - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  Beat Losing Streak 34-31, Tied Peachy Platoon 23-23 (When Dove Cries), beat Not So Sticky 33-12

 

Are we really doing this again?  Oh God, it looks like we are.  How does Topper keep squeaking his way into the Top Ten every session?  He has these impressive starts, then completely collapses and can barely crack the Top Thirty by the end of the season.  Well here we go again... two weeks into the season, When Dove Cries is 2-0-1 and our geriatric superstar remains undefeated against Scared Hitless, Peachy Platoon, Losing Streak, and apparently Father Time.  We won't pretend we saw that coming.  Enjoy it while you can Mr. Commissioner; we don't expect to see you in our Top Ten next week.

 

***

 

"AARP McGovern" is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

 

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Two devastating losses to D1 powerhouses Tight Ends in Motion (53-8... ouch) and Public Enemy (33-17, even with Katie Salisbury as a sub).  Bolden's a pretty exciting QB to watch, but we hear that half his team was missing this week for some flag tournament (or something) and it's tough to beat TEIM and PE with your full teams, let alone replacement squads thrown together to field a team for the day.  We still think we'll see the Why So Serious QB in the Top Ten this season... but it won't be today.

 

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  Jordan ended up on the wrong side of a 34-31 classic vs Topper's team and later dropped a 34-33 gender team battle to Lenny's Ladies, but when your team scores 30+ points... well, you should probably win.  In fact all OTHER teams that scored 30+ points this week went 18-3, while Jordan went 0-2.  Can his defenders help him out a little?  It gets tough to win shoot-outs every week when your defense isn't getting stops  (More on 30 point games below...)

 

Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits:  Mike spent 8 consecutive weeks in the Top Ten going back to last season's opener, but scoring 6 points in two games (including a shut-out loss to Public Enemy) has broken his streak for now, as the Sticky Bandits are the lowest scoring team in the TSL through two weeks.  Thomas and Bolden are both suffering from brutal early season schedules against the top D1 teams.  If more D2 teams were willing to make the jump to D1 it might be a more balanced division... but the Sticky Bandits early season struggles highlight exactly why the better D2 teams DON'T want to move up.

 

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  That's more like it.  After a Week One loss to Losing Streak, Dean is trending back up to where we expected.  First the Platoon tied When Dove Cries (can you imagine how annoying Topper would be if he were 3-0?  Thanks Peachy!) and then they destroyed a "still-struggling-with-attendance" Passed Our Prime 48-20.  Peachy Platoon is one of six D2 teams averaging more than 30 PPG, and all six of those teams have a .500 record or better.  The four D2 teams averaging less than 30 PPG are a combined 0-7.  Looks like 30 is the magic number, and Dean has Peachy on the right side of that cut-off.

 

***

 

Pointless Power Ranking of the Week

 

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after only a couple weeks of play; one of our teams hasn't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

 

In the meantime, let's keep ranking something pointless (as opposed to the "serious" business of QB rankings of course).  

 

Last week the Power Rankings Committee voted on the Top Ten best team names. Each week we'll try to look at something different.

 

Here are your Top Ten Best Free Agent Acquisitions this Spring 2021 season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

 

 

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you're angry we're still only showing the Top Ten after two weeks and haven't expanded yet?  you have better ideas on what our next Pointless Ranking should be?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Spring 2021 Preseason

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 22 April 2021 21:11

Published: Thursday, 22 April 2021 21:11

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 7227

 

"Football is like nuclear warfare.  There are no winners, only survivors" - Frank Gifford

 

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  If you've read our article in the past (and there must be at least a few of you) then you’re familiar with the concept – every week we share our rankings for the Top QBs in the League, and discuss who’s trending up and who's trending down.  We on the QB Power Rankings Committee are not what you'd call "great writers" (or even "very good" writers... check out the Godfather and the Sentinel if you want better writing) so we lean heavily on graphs and stats instead.  For our pre-season article each session, we like to make a few predictions and re-print an explanation of how these Power Rankings work, which we've copied and pasted almost verbatim from the last three pre-season reviews  (See? Lazy writing...)  

 

So a little Q&A to refresh your memories:

 

“There are sixty teams in the TSL this season!  Are you going to show rankings for all 60 starting QB’s every week?”

At minimum, the Top Ten will be shown EVERY week.  We always expand as the season goes on, so you'll see a Top 15, Top 20... last season we got to a Top 30, which was more than two thirds of the League.  This season: we vow to do better.

 

“Is this going to be heavily biased towards the higher divisions?”

In a word: yes.  The purpose of a Power Ranking is to highlight the absolute best in the League, and for the most part the best are competing AGAINST the best.  We will absolutely be acknowledging the performances (good and bad) of Quarterbacks in the lower divisions as well, but it's rare that a lower division QB will crack the Top Twenty, and that's the way it should be.  Generally speaking if you don't like your ranking, our advice is to try moving up a division next session.  The better your competition, the more credibility you earn for beating it.

 

"Do you take into account Breakfast Club performance for the Rankings?"

We take Breakfast Club into account, but as that's more of a casual league, we weight it much less than the other divisional play.

 

"Are gender team QBs treated differently in the Rankings?"

Not really.  A team's a team, and although gender team scores tend to be a little higher (every TD = minimum 8 points) we don't see much difference.  It takes skill to win with men; it takes skill to win with women.

 

"How are you ranking backup QBs if they come in and play better than some other team's starter?"

Generally we're only ranking one QB per team, even if you've got a player on your bench that you think could be a successful starter elsewhere.  And for teams with unreliable QBs who don't show up often enough for us to even KNOW who the starter is, we often leave them out of our rankings entirely... as they say, the best "ability" is "availability".  If you want to get ranked, show up and play as often as you can.

 

"I'm new to this League and people don't know me yet!  How do I get ranked when I'm still an unknown?"

For starters, you should play really well.  If you're scoring a lot of points, we WILL notice you.  There are eight more teams this session than the Fall 2020 season, so we probably DON'T know who you all are yet.  Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. to introduce yourself, and please, be patient.  If you're the highest scoring team in the League in Week 2, that doesn't mean we're anointing you as the next Chris Cole just yet.  Keep at it, play well, and we promise eventually we will recognize you.

 

“So you’re only ranking QB’s… what about the rest of us?”

Oh, we didn’t forget about the rest of you.  In addition to the QB Rankings, we will do our best to put out other rankings that the rest of you can enjoy – best team offenses, best team defenses, best referees, best at bar …  ranking anything is always fun.  Unless we rank you last, of course.

 

“You keep saying ‘we’.  Who is writing this?  Who determines these rankings?”

Don’t worry about who’s writing this.  Let’s be honest: If you knew who was on our Committee, you would incessantly whine to them about why you or your QB should be ranked higher every week.  Anonymity is key for journalism THIS important.  

 

And that's how the Power Rankings work.  We expect it's going to be an incredible season, with SIXTY teams battling for TSL supremacy.  Our official predictions for this year: 

• AWDIQ legend Vince Taverna drops out of the Top Ten as he has to contend with 16 D1 and D2 QBs playing in divisions above him
• Matty Ice and Dean Thompson will duke it out for the honor of highest ranked D2 QB, with... Matty getting the slight edge by end of the season? we think?
• Dylan Jaloza will crack the Top Twenty by end of the season.  With all those weapons, how can he not?
• A mid-season replacement will come out of nowhere to crack the Top Ten (think Bro Kleckler or Terrell Bolden last year)
• Scotty Drosendahl, now playing in D2, will make the Top Ten early and often
• Topper will continue to be the hardest player to rank, flashing brilliance one week, just to look like a washed up shell of an athlete the next.

 

But what do we know?  These were last year's predictions:  Matty Ice PLUMMETS in the rankings (he did, after taking the session off, so that was an easy one... though allegedly he's back this season); Joey Batts cracks the Top Five once again (we were right, as Joey spent three weeks last season in the #4 spot); Blase LaDuca cracks the Top Ten (we were wrong; 18th was the highest he got); Darryl Carr remains undefeated at #1 on the Quarterback Hair Rankings (obviously we were right); and Lucas Kramer from Vaspian, with a year of experience under his belt, has a break-out season to flirt with Top Ten status (he did not).  Three out of five... could be worse.

 

So there you go.  We don’t have any new “pre-season rankings” for you, because there are new teams and new faces and we don't know all the contenders yet. But here are the final “Top 30” rankings from the end of Fall 2020's regular season (which might have looked different if we had re-ranked them after playoffs…): 

 

For all you TSL history buffs out there that want to know QB Power Rankings data stretching back before the chart shown above, here is the entire history of the Top Ten going back the past three seasons that we've been Power Ranking (season three being shortened by one week due to COVID issues):

 

 

Chris Cole and Joey Batts are the only two QBs to be ranked in the Top Ten every week since the Power Rankings began, and Joey's streak is in jeopardy as we're not sure who's QBing for Mountain Dew Me this session (could be hard to make Top Ten if he's only QBing a D4 gender team).  Mark Dalfonso missed out in the first ever week of Power Rankings (a shameful omission on our part, but we can't correct it now) and then has been in the Top Five ever since... a streak that looks to be coming to an end with Marketing Mayors folding this session. Bobby McConnell missed the beginning of the Spring 2019 season and wasn't ranked for four weeks, though he's been in the Top Four ever since, and Matt Newman missed just one week as well (don't blame us, he should have played better).

 

Among active QBs, the returning Matty Ice has one of the highest average rankings at 3.06 (not counting the season he took off).  Excluding the injury weeks he wasn't ranked, Bobby has never left the Top Four (average rank: 2.32).  Bro Kleckler has only been ranked in the Top Ten once, but he's been almost unbeatable in D1 since taking over for TEIM and is a real threat to take the #1 spot if he continues to play at that level for a full season.  Chris Cole has never left the Top THREE (average rank: 1.52) and has a TSL record 10 consecutive weeks at #1 (he's currently on a four game streak at the top spot dating back to last season).  This is your Top Tier of TSL Quarterbacks ladies and gentlemen, the gold standard you have to beat if you want to be considered the best of the best.  Good luck with that!

 

As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  not enough attention devoted to the Quarterback Hair Rankings?  our gross abuse of parentheses as a literary crutch for writing thoughts within thoughts?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Week 1 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Thursday, 29 April 2021 19:35

Published: Thursday, 29 April 2021 19:35

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2485

 

 

"When I played pro football, I never set out to hurt anyone deliberately - unless it was, you know, important like a league game or something" - Dick Butkus

 

We're back.  Week One of the sixty team TSL mega-season is in the books, and the QB Power Rankings Committee is ready to do what we do best: define for you, our dear readers, who the greatest passers are in the greatest touch football league in WNY.

 

Of course the first week of any season is always the hardest to rank and causes the most arguments amongst the QB Power Rankings Committee.  You've got QBs who haven't even played a game yet; you've got people playing their first ever game at QB, so you don't REALLY know how good they are yet; you've got people who had monster games against teams you THOUGHT were okay, but then turn out to be terrible a few weeks later.  

 

So how do we do it?  

 

Rule #1: Don't overreact to Week One performances.  People rarely go from superstars to trash overnight, or vice versa.  If someone's worthy of a spot towards the top of the Power Rankings, they'll prove it over time.

 

Rule #2: Always ask yourself the question: Who would I rather have QBing my team in the big game?  If someone's lighting it up in D4, that doesn't necessarily mean I'd rather have them QBing my team than someone that's struggling in D1.  And this isn't a ranking of "who had the best week" (even Topper would crack the Top Ten with that criteria, and that can't be right)... think of it more as a ranking of "who would you most want to fill in as your team's QB tomorrow?"

 

So let's get to it.  Here are your Top Ten for Week One of the Spring 2021 season:

 

 

One man's loss is everyone else's gain in the Top Ten this week, as Mark Dalfonso drops out of the rankings for the first time since our inaugural article in Spring 2019.  We will miss you Marketing Mayors.  So where does that leave us?  Seems like there's a new "Big Three" in the TSL this season:

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Sloppy Seconds 32-19

 

There is no change at the top of the Power Rankings as the Public Enemy icon secures the highest ranking for a TSL record 15th week (this is our 24th edition of the Power Rankings as we start our fourth season in publication, so you do the math).  Dominant, but... not untouchable, as the next two contenders on our Rankings will push Cole all season to take his spot.  Public Enemy will be heavy favorites next week with a double header against the Sticky Bandits and Why So Serious, so we expect Cole to hold on to this spot for at least another week.

 

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious? 43-14

 

The retooled Eyes Downtown lineup looks like an immediate improvement over last season's squad, and Bobby starts his Spring 2021 campaign by outscoring the rest of D1 in his first game.  Not a bad start, and we expect Bobby will only get better as he gets used to some of his new teammates.  Eyes Downtown plays Sloppy Seconds next week so barring an upset loss from Public Enemy, Bobby doesn't have a real path to the #1 spot next week no matter how much they win by.  The only way he jumps Cole at this point is when (if?) Public Enemy lose a game.

 

#3 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 38-6

 

Last season's D1 Finals runner-up shows that Tight End's last season surge last year was no fluke, keeping it going against the newly promoted Sticky Bandits.  Bro didn't let any of the Dave Baker soap opera affect his performance this week and took care of business.  Tight Ends in Motion are "championship or bust" this year with returning weapons Katie Salisbury and Emily Curry, and they've got to feel good about the way Bro has started.  Next week's opponent is Why So Serious, so for the second week in a row, all of the top D1 teams will play against the lower tier of D1, and not each other.  Good for their egos, but bad for their quarterbacks' opportunities to climb the Power Rankings, as big wins are generally expected for all three teams.

 

Cole, Bobby, Bro: These are the top Quarterbacks in the league, and they lead the three teams widely expected to compete for the D1 Championship this year.  But the rest of the TSL is still loaded with talent, and every other QB on this list is hungry for glory and ready to rack up wins of their own this year, starting with:

 

#4 Joey Batts - Mountain Dew Me / Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Beat XTC 35-26 (Mountain Dew Me), beat Buffalo Vice 45-39 (Cunning Stunts)

 

League mainstay Gryffindor folds after years in the TSL, but Joey Batts keeps on rolling as he's picked up by Mountain Dew Me.  Seems like a strange pairing on the surface (D1 QB joins "why were we in D5?" champs) but so far the combo works as Mountain Dew Me starts the season with a win, surprising many who thought the leap to D2 would be too much.  Throw in a crazy last minute Stunts win against Buffalo Vice in D4, and Joey reminds us all why he has never left the Top Ten in our Power Rankings.

 

#5 Matty Ice - A&A / The Angels - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat SIytherin That End Zone 36-16 (A&A), beat The Untouchaballs 44-25 (The Angels)

 

One of the highest ranked QBs in TSL history is back after a season off, and showing zero rust.  A&A has some different faces but the same result, as they take down last season's D2 Finals runner-up.  Matty also led the Angels to their first win in D3, showing that they can hang with higher divisions as well (we personally can't wait for Quinn vs Angels).  It's weird that the Angels are no longer named after Matty though... is this his punishment for abandoning them last year?  If he wins a D3 title, will they let him have "Matty's Angels" back?  Also, there were a lot of great storylines from TSL Week One (just check out the poll on the home page) but perhaps none better than the debut of Bones.  That's a good dog.

 

#6 Brandt Dubey - XTC - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 35-26

 

The first QB in our Power Rankings this week to lose his Week One debut (even the best teams don't win them all), this post-Dilfs Dubey is still Top Ten material (for now).  What does losing to Mountain Dew Me mean?  Either the MDM/Battaglia team is better than we thought... or XTC will be worse than we thought... or it's meaningless and changes nothing.  That's the fun of Week One, trying to figure out what's meaningful and what's not!  Our guess is XTC will still have a great season, but D2 is so loaded, it's hard to tell.  Dubey faces off against Matty Ice next week which is exactly who you DON'T want to face coming off of a loss... but frankly there are no "good" teams to face in D2 at this point.  It seems like that might be the most competitive division this year from top to bottom.

 

#7 Alex Buchlis - Sloppy Seconds - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 32-19

 

Here's a Storyline of the Year candidate: Buchlis, formerly of Tight Ends in Motion and Sticky Bandits fame, has been injured over the past couple of seasons and seen his QB1 spot disappear on the teams he put on the map.  So what does he do?  Throw together a team of new players and athletes already on other rosters, and immediately jump back into D1 to show everyone that his "Sloppy Seconds" can still play.  Of course they lost to Public Enemy in Week One (everyone loses to Public Enemy) but they played surprisingly well for a brand new team going against the D1 champs.  Give them some time to gel, and with one of the game's smartest QBs under center, this could be a dark horse contender to make some noise int he playoffs.

 

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Beat Passed Our Prime 46-36

 

The quickest way to rise in the TSL QB Power Rankings: move up a division and compete (and win) against better talent.  Scotty of Frodo Swaggins fame ("infamy" in Scotty's case) rises to his highest ever spot in the Power Rankings by leading new team Bullet Club to a win over Passed Our Prime.  Bullet Club is now the highest scoring team in the TSL (46 PPG, tied with Scotty's old D3 rival All We Do is Quinn) and immediately establish themselves as D2 contenders.  Is Garrett bitter about Scotty's defection?  Probably not, as Frodo is sitting at 2-0 today with Beesing himself having taken over that job.  We look forward to Scotty's emails this year reminding the TSL QB Power Rankings Committee EXACTLY how great Scotty really is.

 

#9 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-6

 

The Sticky Bandits were the highest scoring team in D2 last session, and are now tied for the lowest scoring team in the TSL after one week this session.  That jump to D1 is a killer, and shows why more D2 teams are afraid to try their luck against the top teams (kudos to the Bandits for not backing down from a challenge).  But Thomas shouldn't be too discouraged - he's still one of the top quarterbacks in the League, and Sticky Nation has always made adjustments in the past and found ways to compete.  Public Enemy is a brutal Week Two matchup to try to turn their luck around, but our guess is it happens eventually (if not next week).

 

#10 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 46-17

 

Tied with Bullet Club as the highest scoring team in the League after one week, AWDIQ came out and blasted Grey Hair - Don't Care in the opener.  Vince looked awesome (he usually does) and Quinn is ready to finally, FINALLY take that D3 title this season after years of painfully falling short (although we wrote the same thing last year).  Vince is the only non-D1 non-D2 quarterback to appear in our Top Ten this week (he usually is) but if you watch Quinn's games, you'll know he deserves his spot.  We expect the Quinners to drop 50 on Vaspian next week.

 

***

 

Vince is the final QB in our Top Ten this week, but his spot is far from safe.  Others pushing for his spot (listed alphabetically, this isn't a "Power Rankings") include:

 

Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious: Yes, they got destroyed by Eyes Downtown, but Bolden turned this team into a real contender when he took over as QB for the second half of the past Fall session, and he's playing against D1 competition (which we always like to reward).  He will make the Top Ten sooner rather than later.

 

Jordan Lawson - Losing Streak:  TSL newcomer Jordan Lawson led Losing Streak to a big Week One win over Peachy Platoon... It's hard to call it an "upset" yet without knowing how good Losing Streak will be, but it FELT like an upset to us knowing how good Peachy is.  Losing Streak is currently second in D2 in points scored, and Jordan can make a strong push for the Top Ten very quickly if he doesn't, you know... go on a losing streak (had to get that pun out of the way once; we promise it won't happen again).

 

Patrick "Topper" McGovern - When Dove Cries:  Topper likes to frustrate us by mixing a few dominant games in with his usual mediocrity, so we have no idea where to rank him.  When Dove Cries has the best point differential in D2 after one week, and their dominant women can't be the ONLY reason.  We look forward to his inevitable push into the Top Ten, just to see him drop five in a row to end the season.

 

Jeremy Olsen - Passed Our Prime:  Passed Our Prime lost their TSL debut to Bullet Club, but they had a fantastic Winter session so we've seen some of what this team can do.  We don't count Winter session for our Power Rankings history of course (the Committee needs some time off; this work is exhausting) but Olsen has showed he was capable of playing against strong competition and coming out on top, so a push for the Top Ten this season wouldn't surprise us.

 

Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon:  One of the TSL's best athletes ended up missing most of the Fall session with work conflicts but is seemingly back this Spring to put Peachy back in contention.  They dropped their Week One matchup against Losing Streak, but Dean is a former Top Five QB in our Power Rankings, and too talented to stay down for long.

 

***

 

Our long-time readers know that we like to include charts and graphs at the end of our Power Rankings showing how our teams stack up against each other.  Well, that's a little stupid after one week of play; four of our teams haven't even played yet, and it's way too early to draw conclusions about the rest of our teams after one or two games.  Expect us to start adding those around Week Four or Week Five of this session.

 

In the meantime, let's rank something pointless!

 

Here are your Top Ten best team names this season, as voted on by our Committee (in the interests of creating suspense, we'll count down from Ten):

 

 

Of course we should acknowledge the all-time greatest team name as well: Hootie and the Brofish.  

 

And that's it for this week!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you think "Breast Friends" is in bad taste and you want us to refuse to publish it going forward?  not enough D5/D6 this week?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

Final Fall Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 14 October 2020 18:51

Published: Wednesday, 14 October 2020 18:51

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1708

 

“Sure, luck means a lot in football. Not having a good quarterback is bad luck.” – Don Shula

 

Welcome back to the FINAL edition of the 2020 TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Since we don't update Rankings throughout the playoffs, this will be our last article of the year.  Let's go out with a bang!  

 

Here's what we've got for you this week:

• The definitive, end of year QB Power Rankings - Top 30 in the League
• Division by Division Analysis - Regular season stats on ALL teams, plus most overrated and underrated teams for all divisions
• Best and Worst of the TSL
• All-Time QB Power Rankings
• Final Observations on the 2020 Fall Season

 

QB Power Rankings

 

 

 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - (Previous Rank #1)

Last Week:  Beat Eyes Downtown 28-18

Season Recap:  Undisputed #1 in the TSL QB Power Rankings.  All season the only "knock" on Cole was that he hadn't played and beaten Eyes Downtown yet.  Now he has.  Public Enemy finished with the best record in D1 and the second highest offensive PPG in the division.  Over the course of three seasons, we have Power Ranked QBs for 23 weeks.  Chris has been #1 for 14 of those weeks, and has never been lower than third.  

 

#2 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - (Previous Rank #3)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 29-28

Season Recap:  Marketing Mayors are the only team to have beaten Public Enemy this season, which might make them the most dangerous contender in the playoffs.  Mark had been stuck at the #3 Ranking all season, but he finally passes Bobby McConnell in the last week of the season.  With his full team around him Mark is capable of beating any team in the League.  

 

#3 Brandt Dubey - Dilfs - (Previous Rank #7)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 39-31

Season Recap:  The Dilfs' seven wins this year came by 8, 12, 13, 13, 15, 21 (forfeit), and 24 points.  They were the clear best team in their division, and although they finished a hair behind Sticky Bandits and Jabronies for the highest scoring offense in D2, we doubt that matters to them as they locked up the #1 seed for playoffs.  Dubey just doesn't seem to make mistakes, and the Dilfs are the early favorites to repeat as D2 champions.

 

#4 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - (Previous Rank #2)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 28-28, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 47-16 (Eyes Downtown), lost to Freeballers 34-24 (The Angels)

Season Recap:  Eyes Downtown started hot and were undefeated early in the season, but then their QB got COVID and everything went off the rails.  This wasn't the session Bobby had in mind a couple months ago when he was #1 in our Power Rankings.  Oh, and the Angels lost to previously winless Freeballers this week.  The #4 Ranking feels extremely charitable here given his record this year, but he's STILL a great Quarterback... right?

 

#5 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion - (Previous Rank #13)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 46-14, beat Eyes Downtown 47-16

Season Recap:  Tight Ends in Motion have the highest PPG in the toughest division and a first round bye in the Playoffs... and they just manhandled the QB above Bro in the Power Rankings.  Unfair?  Probably.  The only reason Bro isn't higher in the Rankings is that he's only QBed four games for Tight Ends this session (half of that "highest PPG in the division" belongs to Alex Buchlis).  This team has as much momentum as anyone right now, and maybe even more important, the #2 seed means they won't have to face Public Enemy until the Finals.

 

#6 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - (Previous Rank #4)

Last Week:  Lost to Marketing Mayors 29-28, lost to Why So Serious? 45-39 (Gryffindor), lost to Over Compensators 54-33 (Cunning Stunts)

Season Recap:  Gryffindor finishes with the third highest PPG in D1, which if we're being honest, VERY few people would have predicted coming into this season.  No QB threw for more total points this year than Joey (548 between Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts).  His Win/Loss record wasn't great (combined 5-10) but that's what happens when your teams have the 2nd and 9th worst defenses in the League.  

 

#7 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - (Previous Rank #5)

Last Week:  Lost to Dilfs 39-31

Season Recap:  The Sticky Bandits finished with the highest PPG in D2 (34.4) despite low expectations from many after moving up this year.  They were competitive in every game this season despite having the second worst defense in the division (33.2 PPG).  Other than an 11 point win against the Jabronies, the Sticky Bandits won or lost every game by 8 points or less, including their D1 Crossover game.  Big season from Thomas to overcome some suspect defense and keep the Bandits in it every game.

 

#8 Joe Miano - Jabronies - (Previous Rank #8)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 27-26

Season Recap:  The Jabronies elected to move up to D2 this session and Miano looked he belonged all season.  They finished with a 6-3 record and the #2 seed, and Joe fell one point short of tying Sticky Bandits for the highest scoring team in the division (did they even attempt the extra point after their walk-off win over Slytherin last week?  Those two points could have made them #1...)  For any QB out there that's afraid to move up a division, look to Joe Miano as an example of why you should trust yourself.  Although it definitely helps being surrounded by Kleckers and Ben Stack.

 

#9 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - (Previous Rank #6)

Last Week:  Lost to Jabronies 27-26

Season Recap:  Slytherin will be as battle tested as anyone come playoffs, as they've now had three incredible games in a row come down to the last play.  Newman's squad finished 2-4 after starting the season 3-0, but they're already looking stronger with Taylor Pagano back on the field after missing some time.  Slytherin is capable of winning or losing just about any game in their division... so which team is going to show up for playoffs? 

 

#10 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - (Previous Rank #9)

Last Week:  Beat Buffalo Solar Solutions 29-14

Season Recap:  AWDIQ are the unanimous 100% favorites to win D3, and they should be.  Quinn has the #1 offense, #2 defense, and #1 point differential in their division.  Vince Taverna is STILL undefeated this season, with Quinn's only loss coming the week he wasn't at the fields.  These guys are going to be in D2 next session... they HAVE to be, right?  Only apathy or the loss of Kasey can really stop them from winning D3 right now.  Bet on Quinn all day.

 

#11 Terrell Bolden - Why So Serious? - (Previous Rank #15)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 45-39, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 46-14

Season Recap:  What could this season have been like for Why So Serious if T-Time had started from Day One?? W.S.S. looked like a free win at the beginning of this session, but they've turned into real contenders just in time for playoffs.  Yes, they got killed by T.E.I.M. this week, but otherwise they've been incredible, beating Eyes Downtown and Gryffindor and falling by only a point to Public Enemy in the last two weeks.  Like Bro, Bolden's small sample size is the only thing keeping him from a higher spot in the Rankings this year.

 

#12 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - (Previous Rank #10)

Last Week:  Beat En Fuego 38-26, lost to The Untouchaballs 15-6

Season Recap:  The D3 scoring title was Scotty's for the taking... and then Frodo Swaggins scored only 6 points in a loss to The Untouchaballs to end the season, and Quinn snuck by and outscored Scotty Ballgame by 2 freakin' points.  Hopefully the sting of being the #2 scoring QB in his division will motivate Mr. Drosendahl in the playoffs, as Swaggins just hasn't looked like themselves lately.  Scotty doesn't play for scoring titles though, he's here for that D3 championship.  Quinn stands in his way.  Would be a shame if these two teams didn't meet in the Finals.

 

#13 Tim Zielinski - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers - (Previous Rank #11)

Last Week:  Lost to Family Feud and Some Dudes 55-36

Season Recap:  There can only be one LEAGUE-wide scoring champion, and it is Tim Zielinski of Uncle Rico's Time Travelers.  At 42.0 PPG, Rico's are officially THE best offense in the TSL.  Is that going to translate into a championship?  Well, they have the fourth worst defense in the entire League, so maybe not.  But this is a Quarterback Power Ranking, and Tim is killing it.  He gives his team a chance to win every week, and URTT games are NEVER boring to watch.

 

#14 Andy Clark - Buffalo Solar Solutions - (Previous Rank #12)

Last Week:  Lost to All We Do is Quinn 29-14

Season Recap:  B.S.S. couldn't care less about Rico's scoring title.  Andy Clark leads the 8th best offense in the TSL, 5th in his own division, but the stat they're more interested in:  Buffalo Solar Solutions is undefeated against their division.  UNDEFEATED against their division.  Throw out their TWO crossover game losses against D3 (how unlucky is that, to not only get two crossover games, but have them both be against D3 superpower AWDIQ???) and Buffalo Solar would be 6-0 while scoring 42.3 PPG (yes, that would make them #1 in the TSL by 0.3 PPG).  They'd also be #1 in their division for point differential per game at +14 PPG.  Oh, they're ALREADY #1 in their division at point differential per game even including the D3 Crossover Games, but their average margin of victory would double if we threw those out.  To recap: these guys are better than you think.

 

#15 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me - (Previous Rank #17)

Last Week:  Beat Intentional Pounding 50-6

Season Recap:  Well, Mountain Dew Me covered the 39 point spread we projected for the Intentional Pounding game this week, and then some.  What else can we say about Mountain Dew Me at this point?  Best offense in their division, 6th best offense in the League.  Best defense in the League by an enormous margin (they allow 6.25 points per game... some teams seem to average more than that per DRIVE).  Best point differential per game by an enormous margin.  These guys win by 32 PPG.  Try to imagine that for a second.  But hey, they didn't go undefeated, as the League seems to have retroactively handed them a forfeit loss for last week's Practice Squad game that didn't happen. Finally, something to motivate these people.  Now they'll win all their playoff games by 50.

 

#16 Ricky Austin - Bullet Club - (Previous Rank #14)

Last Week:  DNP (Bullet Club beat Morning Wood 27-16 and 27-20 with Jeff Easton)

Season Recap:  We wish we knew Ricky Austin's record vs Jeff Easton's record for Bullet Club this season. We keep ranking Ricky as he seems to be the "starter" here but he seems to show up to about half of Bullet Club's games.  Doesn't matter.  Jeff Easton wins two for the Club this week, beating Morning Wood and then Morning Wood again.  Another D2 "they're good enough to beat you, but also inconsistent enough not to" team, which really describes so much of D2 this session.

 

#17 Aaron Ertel - Morning Wood - (Previous Rank #16)

Last Week:  DNP (Morning Wood lost to Bullet Club 27-16 and 27-20, looked like Aaron didn't QB)

Season Recap:  See above.  Team with inconsistent QB attendance, good enough to win or lose any given week.  Morning Wood have all the pieces to be dangerous in the playoffs, but it all has to come together perfectly.  If their double loss to Bullet Club is any indication, this team isn't finding that elusive "playoff momentum" at the right time this season.

 

#18 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - (Previous Rank #19)

Last Week:  No Game (forfeit win)

Season Recap:  Scared Hitless were barely on our radar at the start of the season, as they were just the "other half of End Game with that girl from All We Do is Quinn".  #3 offense, #1 defense, #2 point differential in D3... They're on our radar now.  Scared Hitless are good enough to be labeled as real contenders in the playoffs, but remember, this is the team that somehow didn't up playing Quinn OR Frodo this session, so we're not really sure what they're capable of against the top talent in their division.  Guess we'll find out.

 

#19 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - Hofbrauhaus Buffalo / TOX - (Previous Rank #18)

Last Week:  Lost to Peachy Platoon 43-29 (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), lost to Cobblestone 22-10, lost to Practice Squad 67-6 (TOX)

Season Recap:  Topper's teams went a combined 3-14 this session, and were outscored 421-572.  To use a technical analytics term, we call that "bad".  He started the year in the #5 Ranking believe it or not, which probably SEEMS like charity now, but we promise you he was much, much better last year when he had Kelly and Asian Pete to carry him every week.  Oh well.  Will Topper turn back the clock and get an upset win over Dilfs or Mountain Dew Me in the playoffs this week?  Just because we're rooting for it, doesn't mean we're betting on it.

 

#20 Blase LaDuca - En Fuego - (Previous Rank #20)

Last Week:  Lost to Frodo Swaggins 38-26, lost to Grey Hair - Don't Care via forfeit

Season Recap:  En Fuego lost to Frodo Swaggins, lost again by forfeit, and then lost star player Kieta for "disciplinary reasons".  Blase's whole operation seems to be on fire this week ("En Fuego" is Spanish for "on fire").  Although they didn't necessarily look outclassed in D3 this session, En Fuego will likely have to do some re-tooling before next season if they want to remain competitive.  One step back, two steps forward.

 

#21 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - (Previous Rank #22)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 67-6, beat Zack Attack 38-15

Season Recap:  Practice Squad would look like world beaters right now if they didn't play in the same division as Mountain Dew Me.  Pick a stat, and Practice Squad is second best in their division at it.  Not even necessarily "in their division".  Practice Squad is the #2 defense in the entire League, #2 point differential per game in the entire League... and they trail Mountain Dew Me by a lot in both categories.  This is all building up to a David vs Goliath finals we hope, although B is probably a bit TOO good to just be "David" here. 

 

#22 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - (Previous Rank #21)

Last Week:  No Game (forfeit win)

Season Recap:  Grey Hair - Don't Care started hot, and then we watched their momentum die a little bit more every week.  A forfeit win was probably the last thing they needed this week, as it robbed them of another chance to right the ship and figure out how to play winning football again.  At this point it's hard to imagine them suddenly heating up and making a playoff run, but crazier things have happened.  Remember, Eickhoff was only a few plays away from reaching the D3 Finals last year.

 

#23 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - (Previous Rank #25)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 22-10, beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 35-31

Season Recap:  The story of the Cobblestone season is best told by updating the stat we gave you last week.  Cobblestone finished the season 0-2 against the top two teams in D5, getting outscored 62-6.  They also went 6-0-1 against the rest of D5, outscoring those opponents 197-125.  They are clearly the "best of the rest" in D5.  Also, Darryl's hair is clearly the envy of the League.  But it would take a miracle to win this division right now.

 

#24 Steve Moser - Family Feud and some dudes - (Previous Rank #27)

Last Week:  Beat Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 55-36

Season Recap:  Family Feud and some dudes ended the season with the third highest scoring offense in the TSL (40 PPG) as well as the single worst defense (48.7 PPG).  The shoot-outs were always entertaining to watch, unless a quarterback yelling at his team for an hour makes you uncomfortable.  Family Feud really was competitive enough to potentially win D4, but not consistent enough that we think it'll actually happen this session.    

 

#25 Mike Hayden - The Untouchaballs - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Vaspian 19-14, beat Frodo Swaggins 15-6

Season Recap:  We haven't ranked an Untouchaballs QB all season, but it's long overdue.  We're told that Mike Hayden has won every game he's quarterbacked so far this session, and (although it doesn't help him in any sense for the QB Power Rankings) he also had a big INT and sack/safety this week to help the Untouchables topple Frodo Swaggins.  We had, admittedly, written off Untouchaballs based on their early record as a team that couldn't contend for the D3 title this season.  They finish the season with a win over a top contender though, and a positive point differential.  We're not sure what odds the Godfather will give them of taking home the title, but it's got to be better than they were a week ago.

 

#26 Sam Castronova - Peachy Platoon - (Previous Rank NR)

Last Week:  Beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 43-29

Season Recap:  The Platoon started the season with Dean Thompson, the #4 ranked QB in the TSL... switched to Darrick Castronova for a few weeks... and now it appears they're going to end the season with Darrick's son Sam as the QB just in time for playoffs.  Sam played well in the windstorm this week, dropping 43 points on Team Topper for the W, and he's made sporadic appearances throughout the season as well.  Sam will be the least experienced TSL QB in the D2 playoff bracket, but when you're surrounded by Thompsons, that makes the job quite a bit easier.  

 

#27 Lucas Kramer - Vaspian - (Previous Rank #24)

Last Week:  Lost to Untouchaballs 19-14, lost to Scared Hitless via forfeit

Season Recap:  Vaspian established some momentum by beating Grey Hair - Don't Care a few weeks back and then the Vince-less AWDIQ, but they followed that up by losing to Untouchaballs and then forfeiting their second game of the season.  Tough to imagine these guys making a dent in the playoffs without more consistency.  And multiple forfeits in a season?  Really?

 

#28 Larry Chruscial - Over Compensators - (Previous Rank #26)

Last Week:  DNP (Over Compensators beat Cunning Stunts 54-33)

Season Recap:  Over Compensators finish their first (regular) season in D4 with a below average offense and a below average defense.  They're still a competitive team that's capable of beating any one opponent on a given week, but are they good enough to string together three playoff wins in a row to take the title?  Not very likely.  This feels like a "maybe next Spring" kind of team right now.

 

#29 Steve Miller - Graves Bros - (Previous Rank #29)

Last Week:  Beat BiPolar Express 36-26

Season Recap:  Graves Bros finish with the second best offense in D6 (33.4 PPG), tied for the third best defense (28.4 PPG) and the second best point differential per game (+5.0 PPG).  But Steve gets the nod as the top D6 QB for finishing with the best record in the division at 7-1.  With so many evenly matched teams in the division, it's not easy to win 7 games (no other team even won 6).

 

#30 Andrew Kicak - Interdimensional Lightning Falcons - (Previous Rank #30)

Last Week:  Lost to Cobblestone 35-31

Season Recap:  The Lightning Falcons were bested by Cobblestone this week, bringing Andrew's record as the starter to 3-2.  31 points on the windiest day of the year is still pretty good, we think.  Lightning Falcons have about zero chance of winning the D5 title, but they do have a decent chance of winning their first round matchup against Cobblestone, if this week's close result is any indication.

 

 

Division by Division Analysis - Regular season stats and playoff predictions

 

When we sent Topper our QB Power Rankings article last week, his exact response was "Not too many graphs, easy for me to upload to the site!"  Sorry Topper, we love you, but we're giving the people a dozen charts and graphs this week.  Figure out a way to make it work.

 

In addition to the actual Standings for each division below, we're going to show you how each team finished in order of offensive rank, defensive rank, and point differential rank (average +/- points per game).  That last category is really the best indicator of team success or failure this season, so much like we did a couple weeks ago, we've reproduced that final column in graph form to give you a better visual of which teams were clearly better than others. Teams highlighted in GREEN averaged wins of more than 6 PPG, teams in AMBER either won or lost by an average of less than 6 PPG, and teams in RED averaged losses of more than 6 PPG.  As always, forfeits have been removed from all of our math below.

 

Division 1

 

The Headline:  Public Enemy is the favorite to repeat, with five capable contenders

 

Underrated:  Are Tight Ends in Motion still considered underrated?  They've won four in a row against Marketing Mayors (by 1 point), Eyes Downtown (17 points), Why So Serious (32 points) and Eyes Downtown again (31 points).  They have the #1 offense (by kind of a lot), the #2 defense, and the #1 point differential in D1.  If you don't know these guys are good at this point, you're not paying attention.  Having said that, we'll take Why So Serious as our most underrated team in the division.  Since Pete made the switch to receiver, W.S.S. has been a different team, going 2-2 and scoring 34.5 PPG (which would make them the 2nd best offense in the division).  They won't be the easy out in the playoffs that everyone once expected them to be.

 

Overrated:  Do we dare call Eyes Downtown overrated?  They have only two wins this season with Bobby at QB.  In the last 30 days, Bobby has skipped a Crossover game that E.D. won without him, got COVID, missed two games that his team lost, and then came back for the final two games... which Eyes Downtown also lost.  They have the athletes and they have the experience, but they don't have any recent success to build off.  Does that matter?  We'll find out.

 

 

Division 2

 

The Headline:  Eight great teams duke it out for D2 Supremacy

 

Underrated:  Bullet Club finished with average +/-  of -6.50 PPG.  If you throw out their 38 point D1 Crossover Game loss to Tight Ends in Motion, that drops to only -2.00 PPG.  If they had rescheduled their game against the worst team in the division (that's the Standings talking, not us Topper) and had beaten them by 15 points (VERY possible) then Bullet Club would have finished with a winning record and a positive point differential within the Division.  We're not picking them to win the division, but if their team shows up for playoffs (always a question mark) they'll be a tough out. 

 

Overrated:  No one is really heaping praise on Hofbrauhaus Buffalo this season so it's a stretch to call them "overrated", but statistically, we STILL think they are.  5th in offense, 6th in defense, 5th in point differential...  How is that possible for an 8th place team?  The scheduling "Powers That Be" (we cry conspiracy here) booked Hofbrauhaus to have three of their eight games this session against Peachy Platoon, the team with the second worst record in the Division (yes, we know how "ladder matches" work Topper, no need to defend yourself).  Although H.B. still found a way to lose two out of three, the third was a 48-8 massacre against a short handed Platoon.  Throw that one out, and Peachy would move to -6.50 PPG on the graph above (tied with Bullet Club) and Hofbrauhaus would drop to -10.14 PPG (about where Peachy Platoon is now).  

 

 

Division 3

 

The Headline:  All We Do is Quinn poised to finally win D3 title; a few contenders looking to steal Quinn's glory

 

Underrated:  The Untouchaballs have played good football in the last month: two wins (including one over 5-2 Frodo Swaggins), a one score loss to the Angels (who HASN'T lost to them?) and a one score loss to Quinn.  And as we noted in the Power Rankings above, they're still undefeated when their starting QB Mike Hayden plays.  They began last Saturday 1-5, and they ended the day 3-5 with a positive point differential on the season.  We don't really believe anyone will beat AWDIQ, who are as solid a team as you'll find, but crazy things happen in the playoffs.  The Untouchaballs are the fifth seed in D3.  Last year's D3 champions?  The sixth seeded Sticky Bandits.  It can be done.

 

Overrated:  We've made these points in this article in prior weeks (hell, we made it in the Power Rankings above), but you can't do a "D3 Overrated" section without mentioning them again: Scared Hitless did not play either Quinn or Frodo Swaggins this season, and their stats are inflated by a 52-0 blowout game in their Crossover week.  Take that away, and their stats are much less impressive.  And that's no slight intended to Scared Hitless by the way - you can only play the teams that line up to face you,; they didn't CHOOSE their schedule.  We're only pointing out that they look like a potential division favorite in that graph above, whereas we think the truth is they should probably be somewhere between Frodo Swaggins and Untouchaballs if they'd played everyone in D3.

 

 

Division 4

 

The Headline:  Three teams have winning records, and these are the only three teams we can imagine winning the championship.

 

Underrated:  Freeballers aren't going to win the championship.  We know that.  But we believe they're better than their record indicates.  The same reason we said Scared Hitless was overrated above is why Freeballers are underrated here.  Throw out that 52-0 stat-breaking Crossover game and Freeballs would move from dead last in their division in point differential to essentially tied with Over Compensators and Cunning Stunts.  Still not GREAT, but not the worst in their division.  Plus they played only six games, and the cancelled games were against Cunning Stunts and Family Feud, the next worst records in the division.  If they play and win those games, the stats and standings look a lot different.  Two of the five D4 games they DID play were against the Angels, to whom they lost by a safety in the first week of the season, and beat by 10 in the last week of the season.  It's not hard for us to imagine them upsetting a team in the Playoffs.  It's just hard for us to imagine it happening four times in a row.

 

Overrated:  None of these teams really jump out for a stats perspective as "overrated" this session.  Look at Point Differential per game, and compare it to the standings.  It's a near perfect match, which suggests teams more or less finished where they were supposed to.  If we had to call any one team "overrated" it would be the Angels.  This isn't because they're not playing well - they just tied for the best record in the division, so they're doing just fine.  They're "overrated" only in the sense that they're not as statistically dominant as they were in previous seasons.  The Angels are still a great team, but without Matty, Emily, Maggie, Katie etc they've lost some of that aura of invincibility they used to have.  Good enough to win a championship this season?  Sure, but it'll be their hardest one yet if they want to get past Buffalo Solar Solutions.

 

 

Division 5

 

The Headline:  Mountain Dew Me has an 85% chance of winning D5; Practice Squad 14%; a COVID outbreak ending the season without a champion 1%; every other D5 team 0%

 

Underrated:  Cobblestone is the most underrated team in this division.  Darryl gets a lot of (due) credit around this League for his flowing locks, but maybe not enough for his on-field work.  We'll repeat the stat from his Power Rankings description above: "Cobblestone finished the season 0-2 against the top two teams in D5, getting outscored 62-6.  They also went 6-0-1 against the rest of D5, outscoring those opponents 197-125".  If Practice Squad were in D4 and Mountain Dew Me were in D3 (where we think both teams would have done just fine) then D5 would have been a more balanced division, and Cobblestone might now be the favorites to win a title instead of getting a 0% chance to win from this article.  But hey, maybe this is all just a set up for the greatest moment in TSL history. Imagine for a second: Cobblestone beats Lightning Falcons, then shocks the world and beats Practice Squad in the Semi-finals.  They fall behind to Mountain Dew Me in the Finals but then Darryl rallies the troops and throws a game winning Hail Mary.  50,000 screaming TSL fans (socially distanced, of course) rush the field and carry Darryl off on their shoulders while chanting his name.  We can dream, can't we?  

 

Oh, and honorable mention to Practice Squad in the "underrated" department.  They finished second in the entire LEAGUE in both defense and overall point differential, and yet they're living in the shadow of Mountain Dew Me.  Such is life in D5 this session.

 

Overrated:  Another division where the final standings more or less mirror what we'd expect to see based on each team's point differential.  No team is really "overrated" here, so we'll give that honor to ALL D5 QB's who finished with a worse passer rating than Scott Keller Jr. (which of course, is all of them).

 

 

Division 6

 

The Headline:  Most balanced division has no clear cut favorites; expect the unexpected for playoffs

 

Underrated:  The Bambs finish with the third best record in the division, but the best overall point differential.  Yes, winning and losing is more important than big point differentials which are often influenced by fluky games here and there, but let's take a look at those three Bambs losses.  Their first was to Tater Tots, by only three points.  Not bad.  Their second was to PC Plumbing, which they avenged last week by winning the rematch between the two teams.  Their third loss was to Graves Bros, but again, this is a team they played twice this year and went 1-1 against (the Bambs finished with a better combined score between the two games, 66-52).  So Tater Tots were the ONLY D6 team that finished the season undefeated against the Bambs... and that win was by only three points.  They may not be #1 in the standings, but no one in D6 wants to play the Bambs right now.

 

Overrated:  They're not REALLY overrated, but if we had to pick one (and we do; the people demand it) we'll take Blitzkrieg.  They finished 3-4-1 this season with a positive point differential, but they recorded only one win against a non gender team along the way, with two of their wins coming against Lenny's Ladies and BiPolar Express.  At some point in the playoffs they'll likely have to beat two or three standard teams to win the Championship, and this season they haven't proven they can consistently do that.

 

 

Best and Worst of the TSL

 

Do you NEED any more charts after all that clutter above?  Probably not, but here's another just to make Topper's life difficult pasting this onto his website.  

 

You've seen the best/worst offenses and defenses within each division in the charts above.  Here are the League-wide best and worst, so you can see if your team made the Top Ten (or Bottom Ten) compared to all other divisions:

 

 

Congrats to Uncle Rico's Time Travelers for winning the League scoring title this season.  Congrats to Mountain Dew Me for winning the title of League's Best Defense.  Congrats to Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad for being the only two teams to make both "Ten Best" lists this season.

 

All-Time QB Power Rankings

 

Here's a little study on our QB Power Ranking history.  Before you read any further, we should warn you: there's some math involved, so this may not be for everyone (although we suppose that's true of our article every week... who READS this shit anyway?).

 

Below is the All-Time listing of every QB who has ever cracked our Top Ten, for the 23 weeks (three seasons) that we've been doing this:

 

 

We can't imagine most people care to read all that (although some QBs might want to look up their OWN names to see how they've done over time) so we'll summarize a few of the highlights for you:

• Chris Cole and Joey Batts are the only two QBs to make the Top Ten every week for the last three seasons
• Only three QBs have ever been ranked #1 (Cole, Dalfonso, McConnell)
• Only five QBs have ever been ranked as high as #2 (the three above, plus Dubey and Matty Icy)
• Only six QBs have ever been ranked as high as #3 (the five above, plus Chadwick while he was filling in for Bobby on Eyes Downtown)
• Only ten QBs have ever been ranked as high as #4 (the six above, plus Joey, Newman, Dean and Topper)
• The 22 QBs listed above are the only men to ever crack the Top Ten
• Two QBs have made the Top Ten for only a single week (Glowacki and Bro, although to be fair to Bro, he hasn't "fallen out" of the Top Ten yet, he just made it this week for the first time)

Our goal was to use the above chart to create a Cumulative Ranking for each QB above, so we could see not just who the best QB is today (which is what our Power Rankings at the top of this article are meant to represent) but also who has been the best all season?  Who has been the best All-Time?  The math gets tricky though, because you can't just compare average positions since different people go unranked from week to week.  So we tried something a little different:  Let's say we assign 10 points for a 1st place ranking, 9 points for a 2nd place ranking etc, down to 1 point for a 10th place ranking and 0 points for missing the Top Ten entirely.  That way we can see how many "points" each QB earned this season, and rank accordingly.  With that in mind, here is the 2020 Fall Season Cumulative QB Power Rankings (a perfect score would be 10 points x 7 weeks = 70 points):

 

 

Feels about right.  A clear top three, then a clear second tier with Newman, Thomas and Batts.  Vince is next as he was always consistent throughout the year, and then Dubey who missed some early starts but finished strong.

 

Let's take it a step further and see what the ALL-TIME Cumulative Power Rankings would look like.  A perfect score here would be 10 points x 23 weeks = 230 points:

 

 

No surprise at the very top.  

 

We would have guessed that Bobby would be ahead of Mark in the All-Time Rankings, but those four weeks Bobby missed at the start of Spring 2019 are really hurting him here.  

 

Amazing that Matty is still #4 all time despite getting zero points for this entire season.  That guy was really good, we miss writing about him.

 

Joey and Newman are neck and neck; if this season had 8 weeks like originally scheduled, Joey probably would have passed Newman here.  

 

And would you look at that - Patrick "Topper" McGovern cracks the ALL-TIME Top Ten.  Slow and steady wins the race, apparently (we consider 10th place a pretty big "win").

 

 

Final Observations on the 2020 Fall Season:

• For the second season in a row, the TSL finished with zero undefeated or winless teams.  Freeballers got their first W of the season by beating The Angels, and Mountain Dew Me got their first loss via forfeit... they're still undefeated on the field, but somehow they're the #2 seed in their division?  Okay.
• The longest active winning streaks in the League (forfeit losses count as streaks ending, Mountain Dew Me!) belong to Practice Squad and Dilfs, each of whom have won 5 in a row.  However BOTH of those streaks include a forfeit win, so if you strip those out it becomes a four-way tie for longest active winning streak between Practice Squad, Dilfs, Tight Ends in Motion and Graves Bros at 4 in a row. 
• The longest active losing streak in the League belongs to Intentional Pounding, who have dropped 7 in a row since beating TOX on September 5th.  Yikes. 
• Now that Bro is QBing for Tight Ends in Motion can we campaign to rename the team to Hootie and the Bro Fish for the playoffs?  That really was the best team name of all time.
• We generally leave the deep reflection to more thoughtful articles like the Godfather and the Sentinel, but remember back in August when our season was on hold and no one knew if we'd be coming back?  Pretty incredible that we got through all that to finish with a PRETTY normal feeling football season.  Sure, the crowds weren't there and the sidelines were empty, but it basically felt like football again.  Thanks again to Topper and everyone else that helped bring this League back from the brink.  Saturdays truly wouldn't be the same without our Rose Garden family.

 

That's it for this season!  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? graphs and charts make your head hurt? who the hell is Matt Glowacki?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..

 

What's YOUR ranking?