Week 7 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 30 September 2020 16:38

Published: Wednesday, 30 September 2020 16:38

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 5991

"I have two secret weapons: my legs, my arms and my brain" - Michael Vick

Welcome back to Week Seven of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Our most comprehensive rankings yet
• Division Breakdown - Graphs of all teams in the League and where they stand in their divisions: Favorites, Contenders, and Pretenders
• Final Observations

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Seven Rankings below.  We've shown the Top Ten every week since we started doing Power Rankings (this is our third season) and we've expanded to show the top 15 or 20 from time to time in the past.  This will be the first time showing the Top 25 though, for our most inclusive Power Rankings yet.

Due to the League's COVID protocols several games were cancelled this week, and in some cases QB's for games that weren't cancelled were told that they were unable to play in the interests of League safety.  As a result, there are a few top level quarterbacks that didn't get the chance to play this week.  Generally we've adopted a "your Ranking doesn't change if you didn't play" philosophy this week so less movement than usual, although (SPOILER ALERT) inactive Vince Taverna did jump up one spot in the rankings this week as a result of an injury to Alex Buchlis that we're told may put Alex on the shelf for the rest of the season.  Tight Ends in Motion were just getting their momentum back after a rough schedule to start the season, so the timing couldn't be worse.  Best of luck and a speedy recovery to Alex, who is one of the best quarterbacks in the League when healthy.  

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Lost to Marketing Mayors 37-26 (Eyes Downtown game cancelled this week)

Summary:  Last week we said Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown "play each other at 9 a.m. this week, so we will have a definite answer on who the undisputed king of the TSL Power Rankings is... unless, of course, that game ends in a tie."  We did not anticipate a COVID incident that would cancel half a dozen games this week.  Interestingly this is the SECOND time this year that the Public Enemy vs. Eyes Downtown showdown has been cancelled, as they were scheduled to go head-to-head back in August during "the Shutdown" as well.  Maybe this is just the Football Gods' way of saying that the regular season is too small a stage for this game, and that they shouldn't meet until the Finals?  THE REMATCH ONE FULL YEAR IN THE MAKING... Topper could charge admission to watch that one.  But we're getting ahead of ourselves.  Public Enemy didn't play Eyes Downtown this week, but they DID play Marketing Mayors, who upset the defending champs, handed them their first loss of the season, and broke the League's longest active winning streak.  Public Enemy still has a better record than Marketing Mayors and even a better record head to head (1-1, outscored them a combined 67-52) so Chris keeps the #1 spot for now, but the whispers about Bobby deserving the top spot grow a little louder this week...

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 49-15, beat Public Enemy 37-26

Summary:  Dominant performance by Mark this week.  Marketing Mayors crushed a short handed Gryffindor team, then snapped Public Enemy's latest undefeated streak.  There's a reason Cole, McConnell and Dalfonso never seem to fall out of the Top Three in the Power Rankings.  Mark seems stuck in a Rankings rut unfortunately, because he's too good to drop to #4, and he's still stuck behind Cole and Bobby, each of whom he has lost to once this season.  If Marketing Mayors can stay hot for playoffs in October, then Mark can prove us wrong when it matters most.  

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-23, lost to Marketing Mayors 49-15 (Gryffindor), lost to Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 53-44 (Cunning Stunts)

Summary:  A loss to a higher ranked QB in the Marketing Mayors game?  Sure.  A win against a Tight Ends in Motion team who were playing without their injured starting QB for much of the game?  Yep.  A high scoring game with Cunning Stunts where they put up a boatload of points and lost because they can't play defense?  Again... no surprises there.  Minus the injury to Buchlis, we could have predicted all of this last week.  Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts are both dark horses for their respective divisions, and both teams need Joey to get hot at just the right time to have any chance in the playoffs.

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Lost to Bullet Club 38-35, beat Jabronies 39-28

Summary:  We predicted that the Sticky Bandits would go 1-1 last week, but we expected Mike to beat Bullet Club and then come up short against Jabronies.  Instead Sticky Nation collapsed on the last defensive play of their first game, letting Bullet Club escape with a walk-off TD, and then took down one of the best teams in D2 a couple hours later.  The Sticky Bandits are now 4-3 and have surpassed Jabronies for the highest scoring offense in D2.  If Newman is available to play next weekend, Sticky Bandits vs SITE (yes, that's the agreed upon acronym, doesn't make any sense to us either) will be a battle for the #5 slot in the Power Rankings as well as a possible D2 Finals preview.

#7 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#8 Brandt Dubey - Dilfs - Previous Rank (#11)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 43-19, beat Slytherin that End Zone 35-22

Summary:  The D2 defending champs are suddenly leading their division again after two resounding wins this weekend.  Tough to tell how much of this is skill and how much of it is just the easiest schedule of all time.  Their last three games: 1) a Slytherin team missing both its QB and top female.  2) a Peachy team that could only field three guys (none of which are named Dean) and played with three girls all game.  3) a forfeit win over a D1 team.  Even Topper could have gone 3-0 over that stretch (well, at least 1-2... he would have won the forfeit game, we think).  Still, the Dilfs are exactly where they want to be, and control their own destiny as they chase the #1 seed.  Regardless of their opponents, Dubey is killing them, and the Dilfs are probably the favorites in their division right now.

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week:  Beat Morning Wood 35-24, lost to Sticky Bandits 39-28

Summary:  The Jabronies had a shot at first place, the #1 offense, and the #1 point differential in D2 this weekend.  They finished their double header in fourth place, the #2 offense, and the #2 point differential.  Although they beat Morning Wood as expected (Jabronies had about 57 picks in that game, give or take), they dropped their grudge match vs the Sticky Bandits, making the D2 standings that much more crowded.  Joe had a clear shot at passing Mike Thomas in the Power Rankings this week, but that's tougher to justify now that Mike has the head to head win AND a higher points per game.  

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#11 Tim Zielinski - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers - Previous Rank (#12)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 53-44

Summary:  Another day, another shootout in the "D4 Wild West" of the TSL.  Uncle Rico's are now averaging 42.3 PPG, second in the League behind only Frodo Swaggins.  Dominant, right?  Nope, the Stunts and the Angels are both less than two points behind.  Last year Uncle Rico's didn't find their groove until the second half of the season, and then they were steamrolling opponents every week.  God help the rest of D4 if they find another gear at the end of this season too.

#12 Ricky Austin - Bullet Club - Previous Rank (#16)

Last Week:  Beat Cunning Stunts 53-44

Summary:  Ricky jumps up four spots this week by upsetting the Sticky Bandits 38-35.  Just when we're ready to write off Bullet Club, they come back with a statement win like this to remind everyone why they were in the Finals last year.  Ricky has great chemistry with his receivers, but is it enough to beat the top teams in D2?  Well, Bullet Club beat Sticky Bandits, who beat Jabronies, who beat Dilfs, who beat Slytherin, who beat Morning Wood, who beat Hofbrauhaus, who beat Peachy, so anything is possible.  

#13 Andy Clark - Buffalo Solar Solutions - Previous Rank (#15)

Last Week:  Beat Over Compensators 42-20

Summary:  Andy remains undefeated this year, and the QB of the #1 team in D4 somehow remains the fourth rated QB in our Power Rankings this week.  There's no justice in the world.  True, Buffalo Solar is fifth in their division in offensive points per game, but they're #1 in point differential per game.  Someone should really make a graph of this to illustrate it better... (we call that "foreshadowing")

#14 Pete Nguyen - Why So Serious? - Previous Rank (#14)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#15 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care - Previous Rank (#13)

Last Week:  Lost to Vaspian 26-14

Summary:  Grey Hair - Don't Care is in a full on nosedive in the D3 standings.  After starting the season 3-0 and looking like a potential championship contender, they've lost a double header to the top two teams in the division (understandable) and then followed up with a loss this week to previously winless Vaspian (less understandable).  No disrespect intended to Vaspian who have all kinds of talent, but Grey Hair is supposed to be the veteran team that wins games like this.  A 14 point showing in a losing effort is not going to do Eickhoff any favors in the Power Rankings.

#16 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me - Previous Rank (#19)

Last Week:  Beat Cobblestone 32-6

Summary:  Whatever line we're providing the Godfather for Mountain Dew Me games never seems to be enough.  Their team stats in D5 are beyond ridiculous, and Cody's showing no signs of losing momentum now.  Not really QB related, but our favorite MDM stat seven games into their season is that they've allowed only 44 points so far for the YEAR.  9 teams allowed at least that many points in a single game on Saturday.  Can they keep it up, or will they go 2007 Patriots on us and crumble under the pressure of being the undefeated favorites in the playoffs?

#17 Aaron Ertel - Morning Wood - Previous Rank (#17)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#18 Blase LaDuca - En Fuego - Previous Rank (#18)

Last Week:  Did Not Play

#19 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - Hofbrauhaus Buffalo / TOX - Previous Rank (#22)

Last Week:  Beat Peachy Platoon 48-8 (Hofbrauhaus Buffalo), lost to Practice Squad 45-26 (TOX)

Summary:  Topper gets his FIRST Quarterbacking win of the year this week against a short handed Peachy Platoon team that could only field three men.  Someone give him a trophy, we don't want this achievement to go unrecognized.  Unfortunately his "winning streak" lasted only three hours, as he reverted to form against Practice Squad in the TOX game that afternoon.  Topper claims he was missing two of his "speed guys" for that game, but he wasn't exactly lighting the world on fire when he had them either...

#20 Darrick Castronova - Peachy Platoon - Previous Rank (#20)

Last Week:  Lost to Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 48-8, lost to Dilfs 43-19

Summary:  Normally getting outscored 91-27 would be cause for a real beating in the Power Rankings, but we understand Darrick didn't have his usual weapons (or hardly any weapons) at his disposal this week.  Plus we heard that his son Sam  QBed some of the games as well, so not really a week to draw any conclusions about Castronova Senior.  It's weird seeing Peachy Platoon towards the bottom of the standings though isn't it?  They had such a meteoric rise from the lower divisions up to D2, and they were debatably the best team in that division for most of last season.  The Platoon will rise again we have no doubt... but we're not sure it'll be this season.

#21 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless - Previous Rank (#21)

Last Week:  Did Not Play... but we only showed 20 spots in our Power Rankings last week when Dylan just missed the cut, so we didn't get to talk about him then.  Scared Hitless is one of only three D3 teams with a positive point differential, and Dylan has been a big part of their success to date.  We're told he's been battling an ankle injury for the past couple months, but in spite of that he's been improving every week and he's quickly picking up the co-ed football game.  Fairly or not, Scared Hitless will naturally be compared to Grey Hair - Don't Care since the teams have a shared history, so it's worth pointing out that Dylan is currently scoring 28.2 PPG while the veteran QB on Grey Hair is scoring only 27.7 PPG.

#22 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad - Previous Rank (NR)

Last Week:  Beat TOX 45-26

Summary:  Practice Squad has been riding the QB Carousel all season, starting four different quarterbacks in five games.  Brian Stoldt has only been able to play one game this season due to coaching conflicts with UB football, and the team was looking for stability at the most important position. Enter B.  Not just another pretty face, not JUST your favorite ref, B is a VERY capable QB who had a nice tune-up game beating up on TOX this week.  Practice Squad is a very talented team.  With B taking snaps for the rest of the season, does the Squad have a shot at taking down the Mountain Dew Me juggernaut?  Their odds aren't great... but every other D5 team's odds are effectively zero.  

#23 Steve Moser - Family Feud and some dudes - Previous Rank (#23)

Last Week:  Did Not Play... but like Dylan, we haven't gotten a chance to write about Steve yet, so we'll do it now.  Family Feud has been mentioned in this article before mostly to highlight how historically terrible their defense has been (51.8 PPG... do they have ANY defensive stops on the year yet?) but the flip side of that is that the offense is actually playing pretty well.  They're the fifth highest scoring team in the entire League right now, which sounds a lot more impressive than saying they're the fourth highest scoring team in their own division (both statements are, weirdly, true).  Steve's sisters Rylee and Laura are two of the more underappreciated girls in the League, and they've got the Feud putting up big numbers on offense.  Eventually that has to translate into wins, we think?

#24 Darryl Carr - Cobblestone - Previous Rank (#24)

Last Week:  Lost to Mountain Dew Me 32-6

Summary:  It's taken us THREE SEASONS of Power Ranking quarterbacks but we're finally here.  Darryl Fuckin' Carr, TSL Legend, Global Shampoo and Conditioner Icon (we assume).  Cobblestone is 3-2-1 and chasing only D5 powerhouses Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad in the standings.  Sure, Cobblestone got destroyed by the Dew this week.  No shame in that, the Green Bay Packers couldn't beat the Dew Crew right now.  But Cobblestone has a winning record and TSL fans worldwide are rejoicing.  

#25 Larry Chruscial - Over Compensators - Previous Rank (#25)

Last Week:  Lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 42-20

Summary:  Remember last year when Over Compensators were murdering everyone in D5?  They did the right thing by moving up when they won the division, but we're a little bit shocked at how they're struggling right now.  A 2-4 record and the second worst offense in D4 doesn't sound like the team we know and love.  Old rivals En Fuego raised a few eyebrows by skipping D4 entirely and making the jump to D3, but they've somehow managed a winning record.  There's got to be something going on with the O.C.  Do they still have all the same people from last year?  Inquiring minds want to know.  Larry is a former Top 10 QB in our Rankings, and it feels wrong to have him down at #25 right now.

Division Breakdown - Favorites, Contenders & Pretenders

Has it really been seven weeks without ANY graphs in this article?  We've let our faithful readers down FAR too long, so it's time to fix that.

For each division, we've graphed average point differential per game, per team.  This includes all games that teams have played, including Crossover weeks with other divisions (which yes, skews the data a bit, since not all teams have played Crossover games yet).  Forfeit games are NOT included below.

Teams highlighted in GREEN are your division favorites, YELLOW are your contenders, and RED are your pretenders.  We did NOT make any subjective decisions as to which team belongs in which category, so don't send us any angry emails - this is strictly math.  If your team is one of the dozen in this league that are winning by an average of more than 6 points per game (one male TD), congrats, you're a favorite in your division.  If your team is one of 11 in this league that are losing by an average of more than 6 points per game, sorry, you're a pretender in your division.  The other 21 teams that are either winning or losing games by less than 6 points on average fall into the contender bucket.

Let's get to it!

The "+/- 6 PPG" cutoff seems to work perfectly in D1.  You have two favorites to win the division, three teams that are clearly underdogs but could still conceivably get hot and make a playoff run, and one team that is going to be one-and-done in the playoffs (sorry WSS).  Can't really argue this division.

Our "+/- 6 PPG" system isn't nearly as strong in D2.  Truthfully any of these teams can beat any other team in the division, and if you throw out Peachy's two short handed games this week, both Dilfs and Peachy Platoon would fall into the "Contenders" bucket (and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo would fall into the "Pretender" bucket after you strip away their 40 point win over Peachy Lite).  We tend to think of this division as mostly Contenders, but our system says otherwise.

Quinn and Frodo Swaggins are D3 superpowers.  No surprises there.  Vaspian doesn't look ready to contend this season, but we think of all the other teams as Contenders.  The only real outlier in this graph is Scared Hitless, who are averaging +10 PPG... however this would drop to -0.5 PPG if we threw out their 52-0 Crossover game against the D4 Freeballers, which is BADLY skewing their data here.  So take that "favorite" with a grain of salt.

D4 is really spot on, isn't it?  Three teams seem to be a notch above the rest, Cunning Stunts is dangerous but flawed with their nonexistent defense, and then the other three teams aren't really expected to compete for the championship.  If you're one of those three pretenders, don't blame us, that's the graph talking.

There are two contenders in D5, and one of them is much better than the other.  The "eye test" says it's true, and the graph confirms the hell out of it.  A few teams have respectable point differentials and you never know, they could make some noise in the playoffs, but it would be a shock if our finals was anything other than the Dew vs the Squad.

One of the reasons we love graphs so much is they tell us stories we might not have known otherwise.  D2 somewhat deservedly has a reputation as the most wide open division this year, but take a look at D6.  We did NOT realize there was this much parity.  If the Bambs had scored one fewer touchdown in ANY of their games this season (or allowed one more touchdown on defense), we would be looking at 8 teams ALL within 6 PPG one way or the other.  There would be no favorites, no pretenders, just a division of 8 contenders.  And we think that's pretty awesome.  But hey, good for the Bambs for ruining this graph by being SLIGHTLY better than their peers.

Final Observations:

• Last week we had four remaining undefeated teams and four remaining winless teams, but this week Public Enemy suffered their first loss while Vaspian and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo won their first games.  There are now THREE remaining undefeated teams, including Eyes Downtown, Mountain Dew Me and All We Do is Quinn, and TWO winless teams, including Freeballers and Why So Serious?
• With Public Enemy's loss this week, there are officially NO division champions remaining from last year that are still undefeated in 2020. 
• The new longest active winning streak in the League belongs to Mountain Dew Me who are currently at 7 games and counting.  The longest active losing streak belongs to Freeballers at 5 games and counting.
• Chris Cole is our highest ranked QB of the season so far, and Garrett Beesing leads the highest scoring offense.  But who has the highest passer rating in the League?  That may belong to Scott Keller Jr. of Intentional Pounding with a 158.3 perfect rating.  This "next generation" Keller QB is 1 for 1 this season for a full field TD.  Unless there's someone out there whose only throw was a full field GENDER TD, we think Scotty's record is safe.

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? graphs are for nerds? you wish we'd expand to Top 30 next week but you're KIND of nervous you won't make the cut for that either?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 5 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:52

Published: Tuesday, 15 September 2020 17:52

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1800

"You got one guy going boom, one guy going whack, and one guy not getting in the end zone" - John Madden, certified football genius

Welcome back to Week Five of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• Weekly News
• QB Power Rankings - Top 10 in detail, and a blurb on the next 5 as well
• Team Stats - our first charts of the 2020 season!
• Final Observations

Weekly News

The Godfather already broke the story last week (TSL QB Rankings had unfortunately already gone to press) but our Rankings will look a little different this week without Dean Thompson of Peachy Platoon fame.  The #4 ranked QB in the TSL now has work commitments on Saturdays and we hear he won't be back until Spring.  Tough loss for the League, as Dean was not only a top QB but an elite defender and one of the nicest people to play the game.  He'll be missed this session, though maybe not by the D2 teams that had to play against him.  Dean's replacement's name is Sam, and we don't know much about him yet.  You won't see his name in the Rankings below (losing your debut 52-23 is not the best way to get ranked) but he's surrounded by some of the best young athletes in the League so might just be a matter of time.  Best of luck to Sam and the rest of Peachy - Dean's going to be a tough one to replace.

We're starting to think there's something cursed about that #4 spot.  First Matty leaves, and now Dean.  Does no one want to step up and complete the Mount Rushmore of TSL Quarterbacking??  We're not sure anyone else in the Top Ten is really ready to etch their face into the mountain quite yet, but time will tell.

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Five Rankings, with a Bonus #11-15 shown in the chart below.  Without Dean, all the other active QBs (the winning ones, at least) generally slotted up a spot this week in the Power Rankings. 

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 38-21 (Eyes Downtown), beat Over Compensators 53-32 and Family Feud and Some Dudes 51-30 (The Angels)

The Headline:  The number one QB in the Power Rankings remains unbeaten - top spot unchallenged this week

The Stat:  Bobby is now 6-0 between both of his teams this season, and is averaging 43.5 ppg

Next Week: Jabronies in D2 Crossover Game (Eyes Downtown), Buffalo Solar Solutions (The Angels)

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Marketing Mayors 41-13, beat Tight Ends in Motion 30-29

The Headline:  Public Enemy overcomes significant personnel absences, remains undefeated atop the D1 standings

The Stat:  Chris and Bobby are still 0-0 against each other this season, as the national sporting community holds its collective breath for the eventual clash of titans

Next Week: Slytherin That End Zone in D2 Crossover Game

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 38-21, lost to Public Enemy 41-13

The Headline:  Marketing Mayors does NOT overcome personnel absences in brutal schedule against top two D1 teams; Dalfonso not punished in Rankings for losing to QBs already ranked ahead of him

The Stat:  Marketing Mayors are scoring only 23 PPG, worse than every other D1 team but newcomers Why So Serious?  Is it the schedule, or is something wrong here?

Next Week: Dilfs in D2 Crossover Game (which would just be a D1 game if Dilfs had moved up when they won the D2 title...)

#4 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week: Beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 31-22

The Headline:  Winners keep winning as SITE remains the only undefeated D2 team, and losers keep losing (Topper 0-8 on the season, plummets in QB Rankings)

The Stat:  Slytherin third in D2 in scoring behind Jabronies and Sticky Bandits, but first in defense.  Winning because of Newman or in spite of him??  Critics want to see more before engraving his face on Mount Rushmore of TSL QBs.

Next Week: Public Enemy in D1 Crossover Game

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week: Beat Morning Wood 37-31

The Headline:  Sticky Nation is (surprisingly?) one of three teams in D2 with a winning record, and their only loss came against a now-inactive Dean Thompson.

The Stat:  Every Sticky Bandits game this season has been within one score, proving these guys can hang with (or potentially lose to) anyone.

Next Week: Gryffindor in D1 Crossover Game

#6 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 40-38

The Headline:  Quinn wins the Frodo Swaggins grudge match/D3 Championship preview, remains undefeated.  Vince looks fantastic in winning effort, plays other unbeaten D3 team Grey Hair - Don't Care next week.  

The Stat:  This balanced AWDIQ team has the second best Offense, second best Defense, and the very best Point Differential in D3.

Next Week: Untouchaballs, Grey Hair - Don't Care

#7 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week: Beat Why So Serious 44-26 (Gryffindor), beat Vaspian 36-26, lost to Family Feud and Some Dudes (Cunning Stunts)

The Headline:  Gryffindor re-writes early season team narrative with win, now owns third best offense, defense, point differential, and record in D1.  Stunts go 1-1, including surprising loss to TSL newcomers Family Feud and Some Dudes.

The Stat:  Gryffindor wins their first ever pure D1 regular season game. We looked it up - they had previously won two D1/D2 crossover games, including a win over D2 Dilfs on August 31st 2019 (while Gryffindor was in D1) and a win over D1 #XTC@Angry Buffalo on June 8th 2019 (while Gryffindor was in D2).  And they beat Marketing Mayors in the first round of the Fall 2019 Playoffs, which is when you want to be winning games anyway.  But this was the first regular season D1 vs D1 win we could find.  The new Gryffindor is trending up.

Next Week: Sticky Bandits (Gryffindor), Freeballers, Over Compensators (Cunning Stunts)

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week: Lost to AWDIQ 40-38

The Headline:  Quinn wins the Frodo Swaggins grudge match/D3 Championship preview (yeah, we copy/pasted that from above).  Somebody had to lose that game, and unfortunately for Scotty, it was Swaggins.

The Stat:  Frodo Swaggins is still the highest scoring team in the League at 48.7 PPG.  They are also the 35th ranked defense at 35.7 PPG allowed.  To quote Scotty Ballgame himself, "we're handing out 36 PPG like I'm dong this shit for charity.  IT ENDS NOW".  No comment from defensive scapegoat Garrett Beesing as of yet.

Next Week: Grey Hair - Don't Care

#9 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week: Lost to Public Enemy 30-29

The Headline:  TEIM couldn't get past a short handed Public Enemy team for their first win of the season (although how "short handed" can a team really be with arguably the league's best QB AND best non-QB in Boccio?) 

The Stat:  The Tight Ends defense is second worst in D1, and only 0.3 PPG better than newcomers Why So Serious?  Is something wrong here, or is that just a product of starting their season against Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy?  If TEIM doesn't right the ship defensively, it's going to put a lot of pressure on Alex and the O to keep up.

Next Week: Bullet Club in D2 Crossover Game

#10 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#13)

Last Week: Beat Dilfs 36-20, beat Peachy Platoon 52-23

The Headline:  Jabronies vaulted from middle of the pack to second best record in D2 by beating the reigning champ Dilfs and crushing the Dean-less Peachy Platoon.  Their reward - a juicy D1 ladder match against Eyes Downtown next week.

The Stat:  It's a little skewed from dropping 50+ against a suddenly vulnerable Peachy team, but Jabronies are now the highest scoring team in D2 at 36.75 PPG.  Joe Miano was QBing in D6 literally two sessions ago, and now he's leading D2.  Don't be afraid to swing big, kids.

Next Week: Eyes Downtown in D1 Crossover Game

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

#11 Brandt Dubey - FINALLY we get to rank a Dilfs QB.  They've always been good, they just seem to shuffle around too much for us to commit to one in our rankings.  Dubey went 1-1 this week, dropping the Jabronies game 36-20 and then beating Bullet Club 27-15.  Dubey is one of only five QBs in the history of our Power Rankings to ever crack the Top Two.

#12 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care are still undefeated and they play BOTH of the D3 Superpowers this week in AWDIQ and Frodo Swaggins.  Win them both and Eickhoff will absolutely punch his ticket back to the Top Ten.

#13 Pete Nguyen - Didn't see Pete at the fields on Saturday.  Absence makes him drop one spot to #13 this week.

#14 Tim Zielinski  - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers were the hottest team in the TSL the second half of last Fall, and even though it's nearly a year later they've picked up right where they left off.  URTT are the third highest scoring team in the TSL behind only Frodo Swaggins and The Angels, and Tim has been described as "a prolific pocket passer [with] great accuracy. He utilizes all of his receivers and is a great game manager".  The Time Travelers are also 2-1 in a very competitive division.

#15 Ricky Austin - Ricky lost a heated game to Dilf's this week, and Bullet Club is middle of the pack in D2 right now.  They'll need Good Ricky next week if they want to have a shot of winning a D1 Crossover Game.

Team Stats

Here are the ten best and ten worst teams in the League across ALL divisions for Offense, Defense, and overall Point Differential (+/-).  We'll do a divisional breakdown some other week.

Final Observations:

• Mountain Dew Me is now 3-0, with the fourth best offense in the League, the best defense, and by FAR the best total point differential.  They're averaging a 42-6 win per week.  They've allowed three total scores on the season, and they have given up exactly zero extra points.  Mountain Dew QB Cody McGregor has been described as "the youngest of the four brothers, made from the leftovers.  Fueled by Bud Light and McChicken Sandwiches.  Moved from receiver to QB due to lack of speed in his legs, that he makes up for with power in his arm".  Can we push them up a division mid-season?  We'd say they have D5 locked up already... except Practice Squad is ALSO undefeated, and is second in the League to Mountain Dew Me in both defense and point differential.  
• Other than Mountain Dew Me, All We Do Is Quinn and Eyes Downtown were the only teams to make all three Top Ten lists at this point in the season.  TOX, Why So Serious?, Intentional Pounding, and Interdimensional Lightning Falcons made all three Bottom Ten lists.
• Although they've done well enough on the offensive side of the ball, Family Feud and Some Dudes have given up nearly 54 PPG on defense.  That means the gap between them and the second worst defense (12.08 PPG) is larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 22nd worst defense.  Yikes.
• There are 9 undefeated teams left in the League.  There are 7 winless teams remaining.
• Poor Intentional Pounding.  Second worst offense in the League.  Tied for second worst defense in the League.  Unsurprisingly, worst point differential in the League.  Can't be fun losing games by an average of 26 points per week.  And yet somehow they're not on the winless list, having beaten TOX already.  Damn, Topper, get your shit together.

As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  the green/red coloring on that chart was gaudy and you expected better of us?  you demand more Mount Rushmore artwork?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 6 Power Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 23 September 2020 19:15

Published: Wednesday, 23 September 2020 19:15

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 2074

"There definitely needs to be water on the sidelines for these players, but I also had some Gatorade just in case they were allergic to the water or vice versa" - John Madden, certified football genius

Welcome back to Week Six of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Here's what we've got for you this week:

• QB Power Rankings - Top 20 QBs ranked this week
• Team Stats - broken out by division this week
• Stats and Observations
• TSL QB Power Rankings vs the Godfather

QB Power Rankings

Here are the Week Six Rankings, with a Bonus #11-20 shown in the chart below.  More movement than usual this week: 

#1 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Slytherin That End Zone 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Seriously?  We're going to push someone into the #1 spot when they haven't played and beaten the previous #1 yet this season?  Cole beat a D2 team in Crossover week, hardly the statement win needed to be #1 in the Power Rankings.

Why It's Not:  Chris has the best record in D1 at 5-0, and he's shown up and won with depleted rosters the last two weeks.  Not enough guys a couple of weeks ago?  No problem, W.  Not enough girls this week?  No problem, W.  The reigning champ show up every week.  Which brings us to #2 in the Power Rankings...

Next Week: Eyes Downtown, Marketing Mayors

#2 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Jabronies 29-28... without Bobby (Eyes Downtown), lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 40-26 (The Angels)

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby is STILL undefeated in D1 this year, and has more PPG than Chris.  How do you lose your #1 ranking with that kind of resume?

Why It's Not:  For starters, skipping your game isn't going to help.  Bobby did show up for the very end of the Jabronies game, which Eyes Downtown ALMOST lost without their star QB.  Attendance matters!  That, along with The Angels losing their first game of the season, is enough to demote Mr. McConnell to the #2 spot for now.  Don't like it?  These two teams play each other at 9 a.m. this week, so we will have a definite answer on who the undisputed king of the TSL Power Rankings is... unless, of course, that game ends in a tie.

Next Week: Public Enemy, Why So Serious? (Eyes Downtown), The Untouchaballs (The Angels)

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Forfeited their D2 Crossover game against Dilfs

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Bobby McConnell gets punished for skipping MOST of a game his team actually WON, and Mark gets a free pass to keep his #3 spot after forfeiting a game?  Who comes up with this bullshit??

Why It's Not:  Well, Bobby was a little different, because he was a 1A with a 1B right on his heels.  There is no one right on Mark's heels.  He seems like the clear #3 in the League right now, and there's no one we're going to push ahead of him just for skipping one game.  We're not happy about the forfeit though, as it costs us the chance to see what Dilfs could have done against a D1 team if they'd moved up after winning D2 last year.

Next Week: Public Enemy

#4 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week:  Beat Sticky Bandits 52-45 (Gryffindor), beat Freeballers 37-21, Over Compensators 53-42 (Cunning Stunts).

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Wasn't Joey ranked 10th just two weeks ago?  Who has Gryffindor beaten this year, besides a D2 team in Crossover week and a winless D1 team that couldn't even win its own D2 Crossover game?

Why It's Not:  Strength of schedule is not working in Joey's favor for Gryffindor, but the fact remains that they are 2-1 in the highest division, and they now have THE highest PPG in D1.  Between Gryffindor and Cunning Stunts, Joey-led teams scored 142 points on Saturday.  28 of the 44 teams in the League haven't even scored 142 points all year.

Next Week: Tight Ends in Motion (Gryffindor), Uncle Rico's Time Travelers (Cunning Stunts)

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week:  Lost to Public Enemy 28-14

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  For the sake of argument?  Slytherin are 3-1 and averaging 27.3 PPG, and Marketing Mayors are 1-3 and averaging 17.3 PPG, yet Newman sits two spots below Dalfonso.  Unfair?  Yeah, that's a stretch.

Why It's Not:  This is one that we're pretty confident we've got right for the time being.  The highest ranked QB in D2 has the best record in his division and sits behind only four D1 QBs in our Rankings.  He throws a concerning amount of picks, but still, #5 feels about right.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Dilfs

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#5)

Last Week:  Lost to Gryffindor 52-45

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Mike's only losses this year have been to #4 ranked QBs - first Dean, and now Joey.  45 points in his first D1 Crossover game would be good enough to win, if Sticky had bothered to play defense.  We understand ranking him below the D1 guys (especially the one who just beat him head to head) but Sticky is outscoring Slytherin by more than 7 PPG - does Mike really belong behind Newman?

Why It's Not:  Newman's been doing it longer than Mike, so he gets the benefit of the doubt for now.  Sticky can't afford to look ahead to that Slytherin Game, with rivalry games against Jabronies and Bullet Club on their schedule for this week.

Next Week: Jabronies, Bullet Club

#7 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week:  Beat Bullet Club 58-20

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  Tight Ends in Motion are still winless in D1 play, with their only W coming against a struggling D2 team in Crossover action.  How is that enough to justify Buchlis rising in the rankings at the expense of players like Vince and Scott who ALSO won this week?

Why It's Not:  If you're going to hold TEIM's schedule against them when they win, then you should keep it in mind when they lose too.  Their first two games were against the #1 and #2 ranked QBs in the League - what team WOULDN'T have started 0-2 against that lineup?  (Yes, your team would have lost both games too.  They would have.  Shut up.)  Even with two thirds of their games against D1 powerhouses, somehow Buchlis and Co are only ONE point behind Gryffindor for being the highest scoring offense  per game in D1 right now.  Not bad for a guy that allegedly can't throw a ball more than 15 yards.

Next Week: Gryffindor

#8 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 42-21, beat Untouchaballs 32-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  It's 100% bullshit that Vince drops TWO spots in the rankings this week after going 2-0, including a 21 point win over a previously undefeated Grey Hair - Don't Care squad.  There's no logic that will make this okay.

Why It's Not:  Vince, it's not you, it's... Joey and Alex.  They both scored more points in wins against higher division teams.  You took care of business, but damn, so did they.  AWDIQ has mowed down two of the best teams in D3 this session, AND handed the hottest team in D4 their only loss.  #8 might feel harsh after being #6 last week, but Vince is still the highest rated QB in his division.

Next Week: Scared Hitless

#9 Joe Miano - Jabronies - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week:  Lost to Eyes Downtown 29-28

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  This might be the single most bullshit Ranking of the season so far.  Jabronies are the single highest scoring offense in D2 right now, yet somehow Miano is the third ranked D2 QB in our Power Rankings?  Plus Joe came within 1 point of beating Eyes Downtown this week!!  Yes, we ALL know Bobby wasn't there and that makes a huge difference, but remember, Bobby doesn't play D.  That team is stacked with defensive talent, and Joe STILL put up 28 points against them.  It's insane that he is ranked this low.

Why It's Not:  The Jabronies are 3-2, but one of those wins came against a Dean-less Platoon, and another win came with Bro Kleckler at QB.  Take them away and Joe is 1-2 with a quality win over Dilfs, and losses to Slytherin and Eyes Downtown.  Jabronies face off against Morning Wood and Sticky Bandits this week - two more wins and it'll be impossible to hold Miano down in the Power Rankings with these weak "who has he beaten" arguments anymore.

Next Week: Morning Wood, Sticky Bandits

#10 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week:  Beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 30-24

Why This Ranking is Bullshit:  The highest scoring QB in the League at 44 PPG is the tenth QB in our Power Rankings this week, dropping two spots for BEATING a team that began the day undefeated.  

Why It's Not:  See: Vince Taverna, above.  Higher division QBs with bigger wins displaced Scotty and Vince.  Fair?  Debatable, but to quote a useless expression, "it is what it is".  After dropping the AWDIQ game last week, Scotty's already working on his next winning streak, with En Fuego in his crosshairs this week.  Expect another 40+ points for Swaggins.

Next Week: En Fuego

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

#11 Brandt Dubey - No, you don't get credit for a "D1 Crossover win" when it comes via forfeit.  Shame on Marking Mayors.  If Dilfs had won an actual game against the #3 QB in the TSL Power Rankings, Dubey would be skyrocketing up the chart right now.  Assuming of course that he was the QB for that game, which is always a question mark with Dilfs. 

#12 Tim Zielinski  - Uncle Rico's Time Travelers go 1-1 this week with a 44-30 win over Family Feud and Some Dudes (hey, the Godfather was right about our line on this game being too high) and a 44-28 loss to Buffalo Solar Solutions.  Tim is still the highest scoring nongender team QB in D4, a division where offense is king and defense is apparently nonexistent.

#13 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care began the day undefeated with games scheduled against the two best teams in D3 and a chance to firmly take over #1 in their division standings.  They finished the day with two losses and a negative point differential on the season to date, proving that they're not QUITE in that top tier of great teams in their division yet.  Eickhoff is better than he gets credit for, but he's still chasing Vince and Scotty in the Power Rankings for a reason.

#14 Pete Nguyen - Why So Serious was the only D1 team to play and lose to a D2 team in Crossover Week.  Morning Wood are no slouches, but to only put up 16 points in a lower division game?  The rough start for WSS continues, and they don't seem likely to turn it around this week with a game against Eyes Downtown.

#15 Andy Clark - D4 has been the battleground of gender team superpowers The Angels and Cunning Stunts for so long, it's easy to forget that there are other teams in the division.  The team at the TOP of the standings right now?  Buffalo Solar Solutions at 4-1 after a 40-26 victory over the Angels this week (really 46-26 we're told, but the refs didn't mark the final TD as time expired).  Andy Clark remains undefeated this year for BSS, as their only loss for the season (a Crossover Game against D3's best team, we should point out) was when he was injured way back in Week One and didn't play.  Bobby McConnell, Joey Batts, and Tim Zielinski are all above Andy in our Power Rankings, and he has beaten them all this season.  Andy might be battling Joe Miano for the title of most underappreciated QB in the League right now.

#16 Ricky Austin - Ricky's attendance is going to start killing him in the Power Rankings, as Bullet Club continues to ride the QB Carousel with three different starters in four games so far.  Travis filled in for Bullet Club in their D1 Crossover game this week, so nothing to say about Ricky Austin except that he falls in the Rankings due to his many absences.

#17 Aaron Ertel  - Is Morning Wood being overlooked here?  They were the ONLY D2 team to play and beat a D1 team in Crossover Week, so why isn't the elusive Aaron Ertel shooting up the Power Rankings this week?  Must be because a) they scored only 18 points in the win, which isn't great, and b) it's tough to know how good Why So Serious actually is until they win a game.  #17 feels about right for now.

#18 Blase LaDuca - The Godfather's Pre-Season review of En Fuego: "En Fuego is in D3 for some reason. When we last saw them, they were losing to Cobblestone in the D5 playoffs and crying about it. Somehow that warrants a jump to D3. These are strange times we’re living in. I admire Blase’s trust in his team, but I don’t see them dominating like they did before".  We suppose he was right, in the sense that they're not dominating, but they're also holding their own right now with a 2-2 record after a two division jump this season.  Blase may not be lighting the world on fire yet (En Fuego has the second worst PPG in the division so far) but he's hardly looked out of place in D3 either.  Give them some more time to adjust to the better competition, and En Fuego could be a real contender, if not this season then next.  Beating Frodo Swaggins this week could be the big confidence boost these guys need right now... but coming out on top against Scotty "The Moose" Drosendahl is easier said than done.

#19 Cody McGregor - For starters, you're in the wrong division Mountain Dew Me.  You SHOULD be a D3 team.  MDM have the 11th best offense in the League (37.3 PPG) and by FAR the best defense (6.3 PPG).  Add it up, and you've got the #1 Point Differential in the League at 31 PPG... yes, the Dew are winning games by an average of 31 PPG.  The second best team in the League?  The Bambs, at 15.8 PPG.  Mountain Dew Me have been absolutely Baja Blasting their opponents this season, and all of D5 is on Code Red until someone steps up to challenge them.  Yes, those were terrible Mountain Dew jokes, and no, we are not sorry.

#20 Darrick Castronova - The Peachy Platoon QB factory has churned out another winner this week, as Darrick Castronova got his first start beating Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 30-17.  We're told that Darrick is the father of Sam Castronova (who got the start for Peachy last week) and that the senior Castronova immediately had a huge game, consistently moving his team down the field and actively getting his girls involved.  For other D2 teams thinking they didn't have to worry about Peachy anymore in the post-Dean era, they may have to think again.  

Team Stats

Here are the full rankings for ALL divisions (broken out separately) for Offense, Defense, and overall Point Differential (+/-).  

What a nauseating sea of colors.  Oh we're sorry, did we get your team's color palette wrong in the chart above?  Half the league chooses black or blue as their "official" colors, so we had to improvise so everyone didn't look the same.  Why is no one bold enough to choose pink?

Also note that while forfeits are shown in the standings above, they're NOT factored into the offense, defense and point differentials we've calculated, as that wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to include.

Stats and Observations:

• Why So Serious is dead last in offense, defense and point differential in D1, and Marketing Mayors is second to last in all three categories even excluding this week's forfeit.  
• Defense seems to matter more than offense in D1, as the top offenses are middle of the pack in the standings, but the top defenses are #1 and #2 in the division.  Compare that to D2, where the top three offenses are the top three in the standings, and Defense doesn't seem to matter as much.  What does that mean??  We have no idea.
• All We Do Is Quinn aren't #1 in either offense OR defense in D3, but they're #2 in both categories, and that balance is enough to keep them undefeated.  No other D3 team is in the top three on both sides of the ball.
• Last week we pointed out that Family Feud and some Dudes had such a commanding lead for "worst defense in the League" that the gap between them and the second worst defense (12.08 PPG) was larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 22nd worst defense.  Things have improved slightly for the Feud this week, as they've dropped their average points against from 53.8 to 51.8.  Now the gap between them and the second worst defense (10.2 PPG) is only... well, larger than the gap between the second worst defense and the 20th worst defense.  Progress?
• Cunning Stunts have the 2nd best offense in the entire League at 41.4 PPG... and the 2nd worst defense in the entire League at 41.6 PPG.    Bet the "over" on Stunts games this season.  
• The Bambs and Mountain Dew Me are the only teams in first place in all categories in their division.  Vaspian, Why So Serious and Intentional Pounding are the only teams in dead last in all categories in their divisions.
• As the Sentinel pointed out, there are only four undefeated teams left in the League (Public Enemy, Eyes Downtown, All We Do is Quinn, Mountain Dew Me) and four winless teams (Why So Serious, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Vaspian, Freeballers).  The winning teams don't have any obvious similarities beyond consistently scoring more points than they give up (that's how you win games folks!), but if you look at the losers, outside of Freeballers a pattern is developing... Drew plays on two of these teams, and Pete used to play on Hofbrauhaus too.  Are they all connected by the Curse of Topper?  TOX would be in this group too if Topper hadn't benched himself this week to break the curse for that team... our former Top 10 QB is just poisoning any team he touches lately.
• The longest current winning streak in the League belongs, once again, to Public Enemy.  How many do they have?  We're not exactly sure.  At LEAST 7 in a row going back to last year's playoffs, and probably more if they were winning at the end of last Fall's regular season.  It's impossible that any other team has a longer streak, since all of last year's other division champs have lost at least one game this season.  Can someone on Public Enemy let us know so we can get your records right?  Might be a moot point if they lose on Saturday to Eyes Downtown though.
• The longest current losing streak in the League belongs to either Hofbrauhaus Buffalo or Vaspian, depending on how they finished last year.  We're looking into it, but either way: Drew definitely has the record

TSL Power Rankings vs The Godfather:

Finally, each week this season, the TSL Quarterback Power Ranking Committee Analytics Team (TSLQBPRCAT for short) provides betting lines to the Godfather for each game.  We're not sure whose picks have been better on the year (all these stats are exhausting to churn out each week, give us a break) but we DO know the results of last week (excluding games that were cancelled, postponed, or rescheduled and a betting line wasn't provided):

TSLQBPRCAT:  18-6 record strictly for picking winners

Godfather:  15-9 record strictly for picking winners

Of the 24 games above, the TSLQBPRCAT was closer on the point spread for 16 games, the Godfather was closer on 6, and 2 were equally close.

Your article may be 10,000 times better than ours (yes, even our Committee agrees), but our math is PRETTY solid.

That's it for this week.  As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  we TOTALLY got your team's color wrong on our charts?  it's unfair to compare ONE week of picks against the Godfather when he probably CRUSHED us the previous few weeks?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.  

What's YOUR ranking?

Week 4 Rankings

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 08 September 2020 15:20

Published: Tuesday, 08 September 2020 15:20

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 1655

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times." - Charles Dickens

After enduring the longest forced offseason in TSL history, the League was back with a vengeance in Week One and all was right again.  The snow fences, masked faces and check-in gates gave the Rose Garden a different look and feel but... it was football again.  We were back.  

Until we weren't.

We on the QB Power Rankings Committee had planned to use our article this week as a venue to express our anger and frustration at the events of the past couple of weeks.  Anger that the League was shut down after all the precautions were taken and everything had been done right.  Anger that there are individuals out there who are jealous of what we have in the TSL, and want to take it from us purely for spite.  We had a long list of grievances to air, and we knew exactly how we were going to write about it...

We would write an entire article "Power Ranking" the WNY Football Leagues and their Commissioners.

But as is usually the case, the wisdom of Topper prevailed, and he convinced us that it does us no good to focus on the actions of other Leagues.  It's easy to get caught up in the finger pointing and petty Facebook messages and all of that, but at the end of the day it doesn't make our League any better.  What makes us better is to continue to work on ourselves and being the best Football League we can be.  That means having the best people, the best communication, and the best (and safest) product for our players.  They say the best revenge is living well, so hey, let's do that.  The only spot that really matters in the League/Commissioner Rankings is #1, so here is the best Football League/Commissioner in Western New York:

1. Topper Sports League - Patrick "Topper" McGovern

The hours of work and calls and emails that Topper had to endure to get us back on track must have been exhausting, but we're back in business now because he continued to fight for us.  Did you have a great time on Saturday?  So did we, and it's a testament to his efforts (and ALL the TSL players that stepped up to offer to help) that that was possible.  Thanks for all you do Topper.  We are loyal to you, because you continue to be loyal to us.

That being said, part of getting "back to business" with the League is doing what we always do - Power Ranking your League QBs.  So without further adieu, here are the Week Four (Week Two?) Rankings with a Bonus #11-15 shown in the chart below:

#1 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown, The Angels - Previous Rank (#1)

Last Week:  Beat Tight Ends in Motion 46-29 (Eyes Downtown) and Uncle Rico's Time Travelers 35-32 (The Angels)

Why He Should Be Higher:  Well he can't be HIGHER than #1, but he's the highest scoring QB (46 PPG) in the Top Division for an undefeated team, and that's a pretty good resume.  Also undefeated as the QB of The Angels in D4.  Not bad.  We realize that his 46 PPG is a small sample size as Eyes Downtown just played their first game on Saturday, but it's currently the highest for a team in ANY division outside of Frodo Swaggins (D3 - 54 PPG) and The Bambs (D6 - also 46 PPG).

Why He Should Be Lower:  He shouldn't be.  But if we were nitpicking?  We seem to recall a team called MATTY'S Angels that used to blow away the competition.  Why are they only winning by 2.5 PPG with the #1 QB in the League under center?  We'll give them some more time to gel before we pass judgment on Bobby's ability to lead a team of Angels.

Next Week: Marketing Mayors (Eyes Downtown), Over Compensators (The Angels)

#2 Chris Cole - Public Enemy - Previous Rank (#2)

Last Week:  Beat Gryffindor 27-21

Why He Should Be Higher:  Bobby's resume is good, but it doesn't have "defending D1 champion" on it.  Didn't Chris win their last head to head game in the 2019 Championship game?  Eyes Downtown's winning streak is currently at one game; Public Enemy is at LEAST four, having swept the playoffs last year at Bobby's expense, and starting this season 2-0.  Don't wins matter more than PPG?

Why He Should Be Lower:  Okay, points per game matter a LITTLE to us, and Public Enemy is putting up 32.5 per game this season so far.  That's not only two scores less than Eyes Downtown, it's actually slightly less than Marketing Mayors too.  And although they can't control their schedule, Public Enemy's only two games this season were against the team with the worst record in D1 last year, and a brand new team.  Shouldn't they be winning by more?  We're splitting hairs here of course; we won't know how the top QBs really stack up until they play against each other this season.

Next Week: Marketing Mayors, Tight Ends in Motion

#3 Mark Dalfonso - Marketing Mayors - Previous Rank (#3)

Last Week:  Beat Why So Serious 33-19

Why He Should Be Higher:  His 33 PPG are 0.5 better than Cole?  Look, Marketing Mayors plays BOTH Eyes Downtown and Public Enemy next week, so if Dalfonso is going to move up in the Rankings he knows what he's got to do.  Will going 2-0 next week vault him to the Top Spot?  Shouldn't it?? 

Why He Should Be Lower:  Oh, he shouldn't be LOWER.  The Top Three is carved in stone right now.  Until one of these guys gets upset by another D1 team (or a D2 team in a Crossover week... wouldn't that be something) they are the Top Three in the League.

Next Week: Eyes Downtown, Public Enemy

#4 Dean Thompson - Peachy Platoon - Previous Rank (#4)

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 25-18

Why He Should Be Higher:  If he wanted to be higher, he should have moved Peachy Platoon up to D1.  Wasn't that rumored to happen last year?  Dean is still kicking ass in D2 though as Peachy picks up their first win of the season.

Why He Should Be Lower:  Peachy Platoon is averaging 26 PPG, which is 7th in D2.  Ouch.  We know Dean's an athlete and his defense is without question better than everyone else on this list, but to stay in the 4th spot in the QB Power Rankings, he's going to need to up his game offensively.

Next Week: Jabronies

#5 Matt Newman - Slytherin That End Zone - Previous Rank (#6)

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 31-28

Why He Should Be Higher:  Slytherin is the only undefeated Team in D2 and they have the highest PPT (32.0) in the Division.  Better record and better PPG than Dean Thompson.  How is Newman not #4??

Why He Should Be Lower:  There's an argument to be made that Slytherin are winning in SPITE of Newman, not because of him.  We hear he threw a number of picks against Bullet Club and was lucky to walk away with the win.  Can't reward that with a Top Four spot in the Rankings!  If Slytherin keep winning though, Newman can force his way up another spot.

Next Week: Hobrauhaus Buffalo

#6 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits - Previous Rank (#7)

Last Week: Lost to Peachy Platoon 25-18, beat Hofbrauhaus Buffalo 36-28

Why He Should Be Higher:  There might not be a hotter QB in the TSL right now than Mike Thomas.  The Sticky Bandits have the second best record in their division after being written off by many as "not ready for D2" and Thomas has consistently won since converting from Wide Receiver to Quarterback.

Why He Should Be Lower:  The Sticky Bandits are third in D2 in PPG, where Mike is behind not only Newman (correctly ranked ahead of him) but also the Jeff Easton/Ricky Austin two headed dragon of Bullet Club.  We don't really know where to rank either of those guys yet because they seem to be splitting the job for now (we have Ricky at #15 today), but there's an argument to be made that whoever ultimately gets the most reps for Bullet Club could be a half step ahead of Thomas.  

Next Week: Morning Wood

#7 Vince Taverna - All We Do is Quinn - Previous Rank (#8)

Last Week: Beat Vaspian 45-20

Why He Should Be Higher:  Undefeated team, +41 point differential in D3.  There were rumors that AWDIQ would decline this session after some key personnel changes but... we can't resist... all they do is (q)win.

Why He Should Be Lower:  Undefeated team, +41 point differential in D3... am I describing Quinn, or am I describing the FAR higher scoring Frodo Swaggins?  Both teams have identical records and point differentials, but where Quinn is averaging 37.5 PPG, Frodo is averaging 54 PPG.  Tough to argue that Vince deserves this spot more than Scotty right now, but he's been doing it longer, so Vince gets the edge for now.  Oh, hey, look who Quinn plays next week...

Next Week: Frodo Swaggins

#8 Scott Drosendahl - Frodo Swaggins - Previous Rank (#10)

Last Week: Beat Family Feud and Some Dudes 68-41

Why He Should Be Higher:  To recap the above: same record, more points than his primary competitor Vince Taverna.  Also, Frodo Swaggins is now the highest scoring team in the league in any division, with 54 PPG.

Why He Should Be Lower:  The only argument for dropping Scott's ranking is Frodo's schedule.  They played a new team in Untouchaballs the first week and then... a brand new team from a lower division that they beat up on this week.  Family Feud and Some Dudes is no AWDIQ.  Scotty's killing it, but this week seems like a pretty solid preview of the D3 finals, so let's wait and see how that goes before we push Mr. Drosendahl any higher.

Next Week: All We Do is Quinn

#9 Alex Buchlis - Tight Ends in Motion - Previous Rank (NR)

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 46-29

Why He Should Be Higher:  After over a year lost to injuries and pandemic, Alex made his return in a losing effort against Eyes Downtown.  Almost everybody loses to Eyes Downtown; not everybody could drop nearly 30 points against them.  There are four D2/D3 QBs ahead of him in the Rankings today, and Alex has won both of those divisions before.  There's an argument to be made that he's more accomplished than half the people ahead of him right now.

Why He Should Be Lower:  A year is a long time off, and Alex is still winless in 2020.  The Tight Ends schedule doesn't get any easier as they play Public Enemy next week, and a 0-2 start may bounce Alex out of the Top Ten.  It begs the question though: how high could he rise with a win over Chris Cole?

Next Week: Public Enemy

#10 Joey Batts - Gryffindor, Cunning Stunts - Previous Rank (#9)

Last Week: Lost to Public Enemy 27-21 (Gryffindor), lost to Buffalo Solar Solutions 46-37 (Cunning Stunts)

Why He Should Be Higher:  Gryffindor were neck and neck with the D1 champs in the closing minutes of their game.  How many QBs above can say they've gotten that close to beating THE champs?  Shouldn't a struggling D1 QB be rated above a thriving D3 QB?  Wouldn't Gryffindor beat AWDIQ head to head?  

Why He Should Be Lower:  Since moving up to D1, Gryffindor has lost a lot of games, no way around it.  Joey continues to play well against the top teams in the League and he deserves to be Top Ten (if not higher).  People who have played against him would agree.  But any argument about "why he should be lower" would be squarely based on his W/L record, which (other than Cunning Stunts) hasn't been great.  Joey plays new D1 team Why So Serious next week, which should be a good opportunity to get another D1 win under his belt.

Next Week: Why So Serious

A few quick hits on the QBs on the verge of cracking the Top Ten... but not quite there yet:

#11 Patrick "Topper" McGovern - All the stress of government bureaucracy and restarting the League has not been great for our Commissioner's game.  He may be #1 in the Commissioner Power Rankings, but Topper drops to #11 in the QB Power Rankings after starting the season 0-5 (0-6 if you could his subbing appearance for Dilf's, which, you know, we do).  

#12 Pete Nguyen - Has yet to win a game as QB but Why So Serious is playing against the absolute best touch football teams in WNY, so let's keep that in mind.  Pete is actually playing fairly well; his receivers and defense need to step up as well if they hope to beat Gryffindor this week.

#13 Joe Miano - An absent Joe Miano drops two spots in the rankings this week as backup Dave "Bro" Kleckler QBed Jabronies to a big 37-36 win over Hofbrauhaus Buffalo.  We don't think there will be a QB controversy here, but starter Joe is 0-1 and backup Bro is 1-0... 

#14 David Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care are 2-0 with the second highest PPG in D3 (38.5); that's actually a hair better than AWDIQ, and we rated Vince a lot higher... is Grey Hair ready to make this a three way race for the D3 title?

#15 Ricky Austin - Ricky played well in his only appearance so far this year, but he's only played about 25% of the Bullet Club season so far.  At some point does Jeff Easton just overtake Ricky on the QB Rankings?  Tough to rank teams that seem to be switching QB's every week (Dilfs, Morning Wood etc).

Final Observations:

• Mountain Dew Me is 2-0 with 90 points scored and 12 points allowed... are they really averaging a 45-6 win through the first two weeks?  I'd hate to be the next team to play them... especially if I were the 0-6 QB of TOX desperate for my first win of the season.
• 6 points per game allowed is by far the best in the League on Defense right now.  Who's #2?  Practice Squad with 11, the OTHER undefeated team in D5.  Take a look at those D5 standings and you'll see two teams with massively positive point differentials, and then six other teams in the negatives.  I wonder what odds the Godfather would put on these two meeting in the Finals.
• Speaking of point differential, The Angels are +5 and leading their division.  That is the worst division leading performance we can recall, but... does it matter?  The goal is to win games, and they have.
• We've talked about the best, but what about the worst?  Two weeks into the season the lowest offensive PPG in the League belongs to Interdimensional Lightning Falcons and the highest defensive PPG belongs to Tight Ends in Motion.  Two weeks is a small sample size - we don't know anything about the Falcons, but we suspect Dave Baker will find a way to right the ship quickly for Tight Ends.
• There are still 14 undefeated teams and 14 winless teams after two weeks of action.  That's not very unusual this early in a season (some teams have only played one game) but in a couple weeks it'll be interesting to see who's still in the ranks of the unbeaten (or unwon? there must be a better word for that).

That's it for this week.  No, we don't have any fancy charts yet.  Even though we like pointing out stats like the ones above, the data isn't REALLY useful until each team has played at least a few games, so that's when we'll start publishing those.

As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher?  you miss our long, badly written paragraphs and don't like this week's new format?  you're curious how those Commissioner rankings would have looked?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..   Remember, with the COVID regulations we have in place at the fields this year, it's a lot harder for spectators to watch games... which means it's a lot harder for the people on the QB Committee to watch your games.  If we're not writing about the action in your games, odds are we didn't see it.  Please email us to tell us what you're seeing out there - make our lives that much easier.

What's YOUR ranking?