TSL Quarterback Power Rankings - Week 4

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41

Published: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41

Written by Super User

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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 4

 

Four weeks into the season, and it’s absolute chaos at the top of the Power Rankings.  The top three Division 1 QBs have traded wins against each other in recent weeks, and League icon Matty Ice remains undefeated atop two different divisions.  How do you put any of these legends anywhere BUT #1 at this point??  There is no fair way to rank our top passers right now, but hey, that’s why Topper pays us a six figure salary to figure these things out.

 

Last week we walked through the Pros/Cons argument for each of the viable contenders for the #10 spot, so this week we’re going to start by doing the same for our four contenders for the #1 spot.

 

Mark Dalfonso

Pros: Highest points per game in D1, defending D1 champions.  What more do we have to say?  That’s a pretty good resume. 

Cons: Lost decisively to Public Enemy and former #1 Chris Cole this week by a score of 35-14

 

Chris Cole

Pros: To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and if Dalfonso was the #1 ranking last week, what does that say about the guy who just beat him?

Cons: Public Enemy was on top of the world for about two hours, before losing to Eyes Downtown by a score of 34-27.  The team that was once 20-0 (then 22-1) is now just 1-2 in its last three games, with two losses to Eyes Downtown.  Public Enemy is now 4^th in their division in points per game.

 

Bobby McConnell

Pros: Best record in D1, less than one point away from Marketing Mayors as the highest PPG in the division, two straight wins over Public Enemy in consecutive weeks.

Cons: They may have Public Enemy’s number, but they got wrecked by Marketing Mayors in Week 1.  How can you justify McConnell being higher than Dalfonso when he has a head-to-head loss, fewer PPG, and the same number of losses?

 

Matty Ice

Pros: 8-0 for his two teams this session, including the 1^st and 9^th highest scoring offenses in the League (for reference, Marketing Mayors is 15^th, Eyes Downtown is 18^th and Public Enemy is 31^st).  Three wins this week, scoring between 41 and 44 points in each.

Cons: Again… to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and the only knock on Matty is that he’s not beating any of these other guys by playing in D2.  We think Matty can hang with the heavyweights, but until he moves up to D1 to prove it (next session?) it’s absolutely working against him.

 

Mark has beaten Bobby, who has beaten Chris, who has beaten Mark… and Matty hasn’t beaten or lost to any of them… so head to head record doesn’t help us here.  If we went solely on stats, it’d be Dalfonso.  If we went solely on record this season, it’d be McConnell.  If we took into account a longer recent history dating back to last season, it’d be Cole.  And if we ignored divisional differences and let his D2/D4 work speak for itself, it’d be Matty.

 

So what did we decide?  Let’s take a look.

 

 

Don’t like it?  Feel free to complain, like everyone else.

 

***

 

Dean Thompson #5 of Peachy Platoon rolls to easy wins over Energy Buff and We Back (or whatever subs they slapped together this week to pass for a team) by a combined score of 91-12.  Booooriiiing.  Bring on Hofbrauhaus Buffalo. Bring on the A&A rematch. These are the D2 battles we want to see.

 

Vince Taverna #6 keeps his spot with bye this week – well deserved rest for an All We Do Is Quinn team that started the season with three doubleheaders.

 

We were convinced that Topper’s stay in the Top Ten would be a short lived fluke, but here he is four weeks into the season, and actually rising in the Power Rankings with a Hofbrauhaus Buffalo win over Matt Newman #9 and Slytherin That End Zone by a score of 36-18.  This was Topper’s first game this season against an upper tier D2 team, and although they gave up nearly as many points against Newman as they did in their first three games combined, actually trailing by a couple points at halftime, the Hofbrauhausers got their act together in the second half to pull away.  Topper #7 moves up in the standings.  Unreal.

 

Joey Batts #8 gets wrecked by Tight Ends in Motion 40-15, costing him a spot in the Power Rankings.  Gryffindor has been outscored by TEIM 75-15 in two games this season... yikes.  Fun fact: if it weren’t for Gryffindor’s cross divisional game against D2 Dilf’s, Joey Batts would own both the longest winning streak in the League (with Cunning Stunts) AND the longest losing streak (with Gryffindor).

 

The battle for the final spot in our Top Ten was a little less intense this week, as we had only two viable candidates we considered.  Mike Mckenrick #11 made his case with the aforementioned annihilation of Gryffindor, but Larry Chruscial #10 of Over Compensators hangs on with TWO 50+ point performances this week, including a 50-24 win over Come From Behind and a 58-25 destruction of their En Fuego rivals.  Over Compensators has the most points in the League after four weeks, and the most points per game as well (non-gender of course; no one competes with Matty’s Angels otherwise).  Blase Laduca was #comingforblood this week, but Larry’s the one leaving with the W and the Top Ten ranking. 

 

Who else is lurking in the shadows waiting for their shot at Top Ten glory?  Scott Drosendahl #12 had his chance this week with a double header that could have put Frodo Swaggins on top of the D3 standings.  They took care of business against No Punt Intended with a 34-29 win, but then dropped a bit of a shocker to 3^rd & Schlong 41-22.  Schlong had been riding the longest active losing streak in the League before stunning Frodo, but the problem with that team has never been on the offensive side – Scott Keller Sr #15 is averaging 34 ppg, which is half a point better than Eyes Downtown and just two tenths of a point less than Marketing Mayors.  3^rd & Schlong are 16^th in the league on offense and 43^rd in defense, so don’t blame the QB for this team’s struggles.

 

Joe Miano #13 doesn’t deserve to drop in the Power Rankings after pulling off a thrilling 27-25 win over No Punt Intended, but a) Mike Mckenrick’s win over Gryffindor was even more impressive, and b) Scott played the same NPI team as Joe and scored even more against them in HIS win.  Sorry Joe.  Win your much-hyped Jabronies vs Sticky Bandits bet game next week and we’ll make it up to you.

 

Dilf’s beat “We Back” 47-12.  Yawn.  Johnny Dio #14 keeps his spot.

 

Scott Pinto #16 is making noise as the Ultimate Warriors pick up their first win of the season over the Sticky Bandits by a score of 46-30.  Scott has played well all season as the Ultimate Warriors are 10^th in the League in scoring and 2^nd in D3 behind AWDIQ.  We’ve probably been unfairly biased against this team in the Power Rankings since they effectively use two different quarterbacks (Sam “Icebox” Lattuca #20 being the other), making it difficult for us to rank either player.  But both are legitimately good, and Ultimate Warriors have the formula down to perfection – Scott drives the team into the red zone, and Sam punches it in.  Ultimate Warriors becomes the first team in Power Rankings history to have two quarterbacks ranked in the same week.

 

Kyle Conniff #17 and No Punt Intended dropped both games of a doubleheader (34-29 vs Frodo Swaggins, 27-25 vs Jabronies) this week to fall one spot in our Power Rankings.  But on the bright side, we weren’t even showing our rankings past the Top Fifteen last week, so at least now Kyle is getting SOME recognition as we expand to show our Top Twenty.  Kyle is one of the most complete players in the League, and he can beat you with his arm, his legs, his hands and his defense.  NPI is 2-2 and has another doubleheader on tap for next week – wins over the struggling Puckett All-Stars and End Game could push Kyle into the Top Fifteen.  And hey, why IS End Game struggling so much lately?  David Eickhoff #19 continues to plummet in our Power Rankings as the End Game offense sputters to the 7^th worst PPG in the League.  These guys were really good last session… not so much anymore.

 

Our guess is that if you haven’t heard of Vaspian yet, you will soon.  This brand new team founded by Drew (the guy who’s made Topper look halfway decent all these years) is already gelling well, and QB Lucas Kramer #18 earns his spot in the Power Rankings with a 25-13 win over End Game.  The League looks forward to getting to know these guys better.

 

***

Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Over Compensators, 297

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 56

·         Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 269

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 54.5

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +37.3

·         Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -196

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -39.2

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – Cunning Stunts, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Hope N Ruin, 6

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Mattys Angels, Cunning Stunts, Over Compensators, Bipolar Express* (Includes tie)

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Energy Buff, We Back, Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Pink Pteratacos, Hope N Ruin, Shattered Dreams

 

***

 

Last week we shared some charts with the top offenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at defenses.  Here are your best and worst defenses in the League after four weeks, sorted by Points Per Game

 

Only three teams are allowing fewer than 20 points per game, and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has a commanding lead here – to put it in perspective, the difference in points per game between first place Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and second place pAssless Chaps (7.33 ppg) is roughly the same as the difference between second place pAssless Chaps and 15^th place Cunning Stunts.  On the other end of the spectrum, we have six teams that are giving up more than 40 points per game, and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are actually giving up over 50.  While that doesn’t seem sustainable (do they have ANY stops this season on defense?) it’s still pretty amazing four weeks into the season. 

 

And the same as above, but for each division:

 

 

A few observations:

·         The top four D1 defenses are all within a touchdown of each other in points per game… and then Gryffindor is way behind.

·         End Game and Dilf’s are the only two teams in the League with losing records that are allowing less than 30 points per game.

·         D3 seems to have the most defensive parity from top to bottom, as the best defense (No Punt Intended) allows only 16.7 ppg less than the worst defense (3^rd & Schlong).

·         We get why gender teams would score more points than co-ed teams, since gender TDs are worth more.  But there’s really no “gender rules” reason they should have the best defenses too – they’re just better athletes than the guys they play against.

 

 

***

 

That’s it for this week.  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your QB is STILL not shown in the Power Rankings even though we expanded to Twenty this week?  you want to know who’s ranked last?  too many data charts, not enough pie charts?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 2

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 03 September 2019 12:49

Published: Tuesday, 03 September 2019 12:49

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 5616

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 2

Let’s start with a warning: This is going to be the worst TSL Quarterback Power Rankings article we’ve ever done.  It’s not our fault, really.  The most interesting thing about any Power Rankings is seeing which teams/players are trending up, and which are trending down.  But what happens when all of your top guys keep winning? 

Here’s our justification for why no one in the Top Ten moves up or down this week (and no, we’re not JUST lazy writers):

Chris Cole #1 has always (literally, always) been the top Quarterback on our chart since the Power Rankings began last Spring.  Let’s be real, he’s not going to finally drop just because he didn’t annihilate Gryffindor.  A win’s a win, and he’s still #1.

Mark Dalfonso #2 didn’t have a game this week, and he’s the reigning D1 Champ with the longest current winning streak in the League.  We can’t imagine him losing ground this week because of a blank schedule.

Matty Ice #3 made his Fall 2019 debut by going 3-0, leading A&A to wins over Energy Buff (34-26) and Peachy Platoon (32-28; we’ll get to this in a minute), and Matty’s Angels to a 64-6 win over Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers.  Undefeated, averaged over 43 points per game, and Matty’s Angels displaces Hofbrauhaus Buffalo as the highest scoring team (per game) in the League.  That checks enough boxes to keep the #3 spot.

Bobby McConnell #4 and Eyes Downtown destroy Bullet Club 44-0 and beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-32.  Can’t move him up, can’t move him down.  Bobby stays at #4 this week.

Dean Thompson #5 was the ONLY quarterback in the Top Ten not to win a game this week, so if we can make the argument for anyone to fall in the Rankings, it’s Dean.  But… it’s not as if his loss wasn’t without some controversy.  Peachy Platoon was winning this game in the final seconds, until Taylor Pagano of A&A made an incredible “catch” to steal the win from the Platoon.  Super dramatic ending to the first game of what could someday be a great rivalry – we’re certain the Sentinel and the newly revived Podcast will do a much better job than us of explaining what a great game this was.  But it doesn’t make sense to penalize Dean for a questionable officiating call against his defense, when he was on the verge of winning his highest profile game to date.  Thompson vs Ice (yes, we know he has a real last name) could meet again in the D2 finals.  Who wouldn’t want to watch that?  Dean keeps his spot in the rankings this week.

Vince Taverna #6 of All We Do Is Quinn crushed Puckett All-Stars 45-14, and then lost a heartbreaker to the Sticky Bandits 39-37.  AWDIQ trailed most of the day against Sticky Nation, but rallied at the end to take a four point lead in the closing seconds of the game.  The comeback was short lived though, as the Sticky Bandits heaved up a Hail Mary that was batted down by a group of Quinners… right into the waiting arms of Dave Baker, who took it in for Sticky’s walk-off touchdown.  The loss knocked AWDIQ from the ranks of unbeaten teams, but won’t knock Taverna down in the QB Power Rankings, as his offense took care of business on their end of the ball.  AWDIQ still lead D3 with 45.5 points per game.

Matt Newman #7 gets the comeback victory for Slytherin That End Zone, and keeps his spot in the Power Rankings as well.  SITE trailed Dilf’s quickly, but made the necessary adjustments and came back to take the 37-36 win.  Slytherin has scored at least 30 points in every game this session, but do they have the firepower to hang with the top three teams in D2?  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, A&A and Peachy Platoon look like the class of this division, but Newman’s good enough to push SITE into the conversation as well.

Joey Batts #8 had a much better week after his disastrous start to the season.  Gryffindor beat Dilfs 42-38 and ALMOST took one against Public Enemy, falling by a score of 29-28 after failing to convert on a 2-Pt try in the closing seconds.  Cunning Stunts, the reigning D5 champs, made their D4 debut in winning style, crushing Mountain Dew Me 49-22 for their fifth win in a row dating back to last season.  All of this is good enough for Joey to keep his #8 ranking this week… although we’re still waiting for him to win a D1 game.

Patrick “Topper” McGovern #9 is somehow STILL in the Power Rankings Top Ten two weeks into the season.  After dropping 58 points in week one against We Back, Topper scored another 49 against Energy Buff in week two.  This isn’t a “Defensive Power Rankings”, but it’s worth pointing out that Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has given up only 16 points in two games, which makes for a pretty ridiculous +91 point differential.  Eventually Team Topper has to play A&A and Peachy Platoon though… we can’t imagine they will be nearly as easy for the League icon.

Joe Miano #10 gets his first D3 victory, as the Jabronies take down Puckett All-Stars 41-28.  Joe doesn’t have the long history of some of the Quarterbacks ahead of him on these Rankings, but as long as he keeps winning, it’ll be tough to take this spot away from him.

***

A few other performances worth acknowledging from quarterbacks who haven’t cracked the Top Ten yet this session:

Two of our top three teams in Points Per Game are (unsurprisingly) the rival gender teams Matty’s Angels (64 ppg) and Cunning Stunts (49 ppg), and we’ve already covered Topper’s dominance above (53.5 ppg).  Any guesses on which team is fourth in the League right now in ppg?  Here’s a hint, none of our Top Ten QBs above play for this team.  Ready?  The answer is Over Compensators, the currently 3-0 team in D5 quarterbacked by Larry Chruscial.  No Rick, Larry is STILL not ranked, but being the fourth highest scoring team in the League (second highest non-gender team!) definitely isn’t hurting his cause.

Speaking of the gender teams, the ladies of TSL are absolutely wrecking the stats for everyone else – just take a look at that section below.  Matty’s Angels, Cunning Stunts and The Bipolar Express have the 1^st, 3^rd and 5^th best average margin of victory after two weeks.  We in the Power Rankings heap praise on Matty and Joey every week, but maybe it’s time we show Gordon some love too. 

Who WAS that backup QB for Energy Buff this week?  Josh Burch threw a deep bomb for a TD on his first pass against Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, then promptly got shut out for the rest of the game.  After struggling again against A&A, Energy Buff made a change and put in some backup QB who looked incredible.  If anyone knows his name, please inform TSL QB Power Rankings (This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.) and tell us why he doesn’t start every week.  At 0-4, Energy Buff needs a spark, and that guy could be it.

Frodo Swaggins was probably the most improved team throughout the Spring 2019 session, and they’re off to a 2-0 start this season.  Seems like only a matter of time before Scott Drosendahl cracks our Top Ten.

***

STILL too early in the season to put together any fancy charts about team offenses and defenses that we love so much, but here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after two weeks.  Spoiler alert: Matty’s Angels beating Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 64-6 in each team’s first game of the season is going to absolutely WRECK both teams average scores below:

• Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 182
• Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 64
• Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 6
• Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 6
• Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Matty’s Angels, 6
• Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Matty’s Angels, 6
• Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Energy Buff, 149
• Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 64
• Best Point Differential (total points) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +91
• Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +58
• Worst Point Differential (total points) – Energy Buff, -83
• Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -58
• Longest Current Win Streak – Marketing Mayors, 6
• Longest Current Losing Streak – 3^rd & Schlong, 5

***

If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (coverage of specific teams/players?  lousy writing?  ugly font choices?), please complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 3

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:26

Published: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:26

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4132

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 3

Let’s start with the obvious, the big story, the Main Event:  For the first time in the (brief) history of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings, we have a change in the #1 Ranking.  Chris Cole #2 had been the top Quarterback in the WNY bar league football scene for 10 consecutive weeks dating back to Week One of the Spring 2019 season… until he was dethroned by Mark Dalfonso #1 of Marketing Mayors this week.  Not an easy decision to demote a guy who has gone 22-2 in his past 24 games, but this is how we justified it:

• Marketing Mayors has the best record (and only undefeated record) in our highest division at 4-0.  Public Enemy is 2-1, following a loss to Eyes Downtown this week.
• Mark has led Marketing Mayors to the highest points per game in D1, while Public Enemy is stunningly LAST in the division in scoring after three weeks. 
• Marketing Mayors are the defending D1 Champs, having knocked off Public Enemy in the championship game last session.
• Marketing Mayors have the longest current winning streak in the League right now at 8 games ,while Public Enemy’s streak is currently at 1 loss.

Better record, better stats, head to head win in the last championship game, hotter team.  Mark checks every box right now, and that’s why he takes over the top spot in the TSL QB Power Rankings.  Oh, and Marketing Mayors play Public Enemy this week, so it’ll be fascinating to see what happens.  Does Mark cement his #1 ranking with another win, pushing Public Enemy to an unfathomable .500 record?  Or does Cole win the game and force a VERY difficult debate about why a team with a worse record and worse stats deserves to have the #1 Quarterback in the Power Rankings?  This is only the second meeting of #1 vs #2 ranked QBs in the Power Rankings history, and Cole won the first one against Matty Ice last season.  This is the game of the week for fans of great quarterbacking, and the TSL QB Power Rankings committee will be watching closely.

After Mark and Chris, the next tier of TSL passers battling it out for Rankings supremacy seems to be Matty Ice #3 and Bobby McConnell #4.  You know the story on Matty updates by now: he’s like 37-0 this season with 16,572 points (actually 5-0 with 233 points, but it always feels like so much more).  This guy never seems to lose, even when he should (*cough*PEACHY*).  And Bobby’s probably wondering what more he has to do to advance in the Power Rankings – he just beat Public freakin’ Enemy this week (how many active teams have ever done this? Is it just Eyes Downtown and Marketing Mayors? We would love to know), he beat Gryffindor 48-45, and he’s second in D1 in points per game.  Are we selling Bobby short with a #4 ranking?  Maybe.  He gets a second consecutive game against Public Enemy this week (D1 really needs more teams… have any other articles or podcasts mentioned that yet?) and the TSL QB Power Rankings committee would HAVE to promote him if he won again.

Dean Thompson #5 wins again, as Peachy Platoon beats Dilfs 31-29.  Peachy Platoon is 3-1 and would be undefeated in D2 if not for last week’s controversy; we probably knew this two weeks ago, but can we OFFICIALLY say now that the League made the right decision moving them up to D2?  If they’re not in D1 next session, something is wrong.

Vince Taverna #6 wins two more this week, as All We Do Is Quinn takes down Ultimate Warriors 44-30 and Jabronies 38-29.  AWDIQ have played three double headers to start the season, and remember, they would still be undefeated at 6-0 if not for Dave Baker’s Hail Mary miracle last week for the Sticky Bandits.  This team is really good, and we suspect they’ll be taking their talents to D2 next session.

We in the Power Rankings committee are loathe to promote quarterbacks after they lose a game, and we have NEVER promoted a QB that lost two games in a week… until now.  But it doesn’t feel right NOT to move Joey Batts #7 up after dropping two close games to Eyes Downtown (48-45) and Marketing Mayors (46-41).  Joey is STILL searching for his first D1 win this season, as Gryffindor’s lone win came in their D2 crossover game, but in the last two weeks he’s fallen one point short again Public Enemy… three points short against Eyes Downtown… and five points short against Marketing Mayors.  These are all really good teams, and scoring 86 points this week tells us that offense wasn’t the problem for Gryffindor.  Ultimately we would rather reward a QB for falling short against the best competition than reward one for hiding in lower divisions to rack up more wins.  And speaking of wins, Joey DID also win two games this week, as Cunning Stunts took down Buffalo Solar Solutions 36-25 and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 52-27.   If you have any questions about how great Joey is, make sure you listen to his podcast… he’ll be happy to remind you.

Poor Matt Newman #8. You fell one spot in the Rankings because you had a bye week and Joey was awesome while you were out.  Doesn’t seem fair does it?  We won’t pretend like it is.

Topper #9 and his Cinderella story continue, as Hofbrauhaus Buffalo beats Bullet Club 28-6.  A few facts about “Team Topper” – they’re 3-0 this session, they’re averaging 45 ppg, and they’ve only given up 22 points.  No, not 22 points per game, 22 points total.  They’ve allowed one score in each of their three games so far.  They’ve ALSO played the three worst teams in D2, and unless Topper abuses his League “influence” over the schedule to keep playing these same three teams over and over again, eventually they have to start playing tougher competition.  Up next is Slytherin That End Zone, which should easily be their hardest challenge to date.  If Topper can pull off another win though, he’ll be in great position to leapfrog Newman in the Power Rankings.

Finally, we get to the #10 ranking.  This was probably the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make for the Top Ten, as there were so many candidates worthy of consideration.  Let’s take a look at each (in no particular order):

Joe Miano (Jabronies)

Pros: 9^th in the League in PPG, 2^nd in D3 in PPG; only loss was to strong opponent; held the #10 spot last week, so it should be his to lose

Cons: Lost this week to AWDIQ; none of the teams he’s beaten/tied so far this session have won a game

Scott Drosendahl (Frodo Swaggins)

Pros: One of the hotter QBs in the League going back to last session; 2-0 to start this season

Cons: Didn’t play this week (tough to break the top ten without playing a game); 27^th in the League in PPG.

Larry Chruscial (Over Compensators)

Pros: Highest scoring non-gender team in the League; won 50-0 this week vs Pink Pteratacos; 4-0 record to start this season

Cons: Plays in D5, which would make him the only candidate in consideration that plays below D3

Johnny Dio (Dilfs)

Pros: Positive point differential in D2; one of five offenses in D2 that scores more than 30 ppg (the other four having Top Ten QBs); three losses this season are by 1, 2 and 4 points, against two of the top D2 teams (Peachy & SITE) and D1 Gryffindor

Cons: 1-3 record this season; 20^th in the League in PPG

Mike Mckenrick (TEIM)

Pros: Only unranked D1 QB so far this season; annihilated Gryffindor 35-0 (game called early) for signature win; third in D1 in scoring; two losses were both close (Marketing Mayors by one point, Eyes Downtown by four)

Cons: 1-2 record this season; started Marketing Mayors game with two immediate INTs, including a Pick-8 on First and Goal (which should really not be rewarded with Top Ten status); 24^th in the League in PPG

David Eickhoff (End Game)

Pros: Dominated Spring session with best +/- in the League playing in D4; only two losses this session are to the teams with the best two records in division

Cons: This isn’t Spring session, and now End Game is 37^th in the League in PPG playing in D3; only two wins this session are to winless teams

Tough choices, and it all depends how we value win/loss record, points per game, quality of division, quality of opponents played within that division to date, etc.  There was no obvious answer here.  Since we started the article by immediately sharing the Top Ten (actually a Top 15 this week, as we wanted to recognize all of these players), you should know by now that we ultimately went with Larry Chruscial #10 for the final spot.  He had the best offensive numbers, the best record, and is coming off a 50-0 win.  Does it matter that he plays against D5 teams, and the other contenders were D3 (Joe, Scott and Dave), D2 (Johnny) and D1 (Mike)?  Well, yeah, actually it does, and that’s why Larry’s going to have a damn hard time holding on to this spot if any of these other guys get hot and distinguish themselves in the coming weeks.  But for now Larry, you’ve earned it. Keep mauling other teams 50-0, and we’ll keep writing about you, Top Ten or otherwise.

“Ultimately we would rather reward a QB for falling short against the best competition than reward one for hiding in lower divisions to rack up more wins.”

“We ultimately went with Larry Chruscial #10 for the final spot.  He had the best offensive numbers, the best record, and is coming off a 50-0 win”

Do those two statements seem inconsistent to you?  Believe me, we struggled with the logic of this too, and sometimes there are just no clear answers.

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Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:

• Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 264
• Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 62
• Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 47.3

• Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24
• Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8

• Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 22
• Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 7.3

• Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 229
• Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 59

• Best Point Differential (total points) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +113
• Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +43.0
• Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +37.7

• Worst Point Differential (total points) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -125
• Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -41.7
• Longest Current Win Streak – Marketing Mayors, 8
• Longest Current Losing Streak – 3^rd & Schlong, 6

We’ve gone three weeks without a chart here, so we’re way overdue.  Here are your best and worst offenses in the League after three weeks, sorted by Points Per Game.  Three of the top four best offenses belong to our gender teams – crazy to think that of the 44 other teams in the League, only one (Over Compensators) can claim that they’re outscoring a gender team right now, and even they are nearly 15 points per game behind Matty’s Angels.

And the same as above, but for each division:

As we pointed out last season, most teams score between 20-40 points per game (every team in D1, for example), so if you’re doing better than that, you’re in great company: all three gender teams, Over Compensators, All We Do Is Quinn, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and Peachy Platoon are the only teams in the 40+ Club at this point in the season.  And if you’re scoring under 20 points per game… well, that’s less elite company.  A trio of struggling D2 teams (Bullet Club, Energy Buff, We Back), Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Come from Behind, Pink Pteratacos and Shattered Dreams make up our Under 20 Club, but most of those teams are just one solid outing away from offensive respectability.

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If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (don’t like the way we handled the #10 spot this week?  not enough D5/D6 coverage?  too much anti-gender team discrimination in “Best Team/Worst Team” section?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

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TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 1

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Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 27 August 2019 12:40

Published: Tuesday, 27 August 2019 12:40

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 8310

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 1

A disclaimer before we get started:  This is NOT a ranking of just “who played the best in Week One”.  If that were the case, Topper would be #1 in the Power Rankings (which can’t be possibly be right) and Joey Batts would be lucky to crack the Top 40.  Week One performance absolutely matters, but we’re not going to pretend like history DOESN’T.  Matty Ice didn’t play a game this week, and Bobby McConnell is 0-1, but would a TSL QB Power Rankings mean ANYTHING if it didn’t rank the both of them near the top?  In other words, try to think of it this way – your QB Power Rankings should tell you which Quarterbacks your team would be most afraid to go up against NEXT week.  Yes, Bobby is 0-1, but that doesn’t suddenly make him an easy matchup on the schedule next week.

Got it?  Cool.  Let’s get to the rankings:

Is it a surprise that Chris Cole (#1) is still at the top?  Is it fair?  We’re not really sure.  You could argue that Mark Dalfonso (#2) just beat Cole head-to-head in last season’s championship game (ending a pretty epic win streak in the process) and has started this season 2-0 while averaging 40.5 ppg.  Public Enemy meanwhile is 1-0 this season with 33 ppg, and they’re no longer the reigning, defending, undisputed champs of the TSL Universe.  What more does Dalfonso have to do to claim the top spot???  Ultimately we decided that, streak aside, Chris Cole is 21-1 in his last 22 games, and if we didn’t rank him #1 it would be solely based on one loss.  And that doesn’t seem fair either.  So it’s Cole #1, Dalfonso #2, at least for the time being.  The two will go head-to-head again on September 14^th, which should give us a more satisfying answer.  Until then, you’re free to second guess this decision.

As stated earlier, Matty Ice (#3) didn’t play this week, but he keeps a pretty good ranking regardless.  And Bobby McConnell (#4) got wrecked by Marketing Mayors this week, but we know what he’s capable of, so we won’t punish him too much for that yet.  A loss to Bullet Club and/or Tight Ends in Motion next week could send him spiraling though…

Two seasons ago, Peachy Platoon was what, D5?  Then last session they made the leap to D3 and didn’t miss a beat.  This session they’ve been bumped up to D2 and STILL no signs of slowing down.  Dean Thompson (#5) beat a short-handed Bullet Club team 61-20 this week, as well as his former D3 rivals Slytherin That End Zone by a score of 43-30.  Didn’t the Platoon get DESTROYED by Slytherin last season 42-7 in the first game of the season?  Yeah, they’ve gotten a little better since then.  Peachy Platoon is our highest scoring team in the League after one week with 104 points. 

Matt Newman (#7) of SITE had the aforementioned loss to Peachy Platoon but also beat Bullet Club this week by a score of 32-26.   1-1 on his first day in D2 is pretty good… just not as good as Dean and Peachy, who had the exact same schedule (and better results).

All he’s done is Qwonn, and for that Vince Taverna (#6) gets his highest ever spot in the TSL QB Power Rankings.  Quinn has been a really good team for the last few sessions, and we suspect they’re not getting the credit they deserve.  We’re not sure what division they WANTED to play in, but it must have stung a little bit to see Slytherin and Peachy promoted to D2 while they got left behind, right?  These guys know they can run with anybody.  Oh, and AWDIQ is the only other team besides Peachy Platoon to have 100 points scored after Week One.

Joseph Battaglia (#8) – you’re a great quarterback, one of the best in this League.  But you did NOT have a great day.  Our two time Spring 2019 champ walked into Week One with the longest active winning streak in the League (7 games with Gryffindor dating back to last season)… and walked out with a two game losing streak, including bad losses to Public Enemy (33-13) and Tight Ends in Motion (35-0, with the game called early).  6.5 points per game is second worst in the League after one week (TMA had only 6) which is probably not the D1 debut that Joey had in mind.  Also, that weird “Ranking” glitch on the website this week (not to be confused with the QB Power Rankings) shows Gryffindor as the 47^th ranked team in the league out of 47 teams.  Pretty miserable start, but… doesn’t this all sound kind of familiar?  Week 3 of last season, the TSL QB Power Rankings noted that Gryffindor had “the single lowest points per game of ANY team in ANY division right now.  By a LOT.  [Seriously – 9.5 ppg, a full 7 points behind the SECOND WORST team in the League.  Ouch]”.  Gryffindor then turned that slow start into a D2 championship season.  These guys have been here before, and they’re (probably) not panicking yet. 

Enough about that loser Joey Batts.  Let’s talk about that WINNER, Patrick McGovern (#9).  Ah, this is one of those sports stories that just warms your heart.  Senior citizen QB, way past his athletic prime, makes an incredible Fall 2019 debut and beats We Back by a score of 58-8, with zero interceptions thrown.  Topper is currently the highest scoring QB in the League on a per game basis.  Sigh.  One more time: TOPPER is currently the highest scoring QB in the League on a per game basis.  How long can this possibly last?  Let’s not dwell on how quickly he’ll collapse (he started last session 1-0 also, and that didn’t end well), let’s just enjoy our geriatric Rudy story while we have it.  Good for him.  Good for him.

The top nine seemed pretty obvious to the Power Rankings committee this week, but it was a difficult decision for the tenth spot. What about Mike Mckenrick, making his D1 debut for TEIM and beating Gryffindor 35-0?  What about Samantha Lattuca and Scott Pinto combining for 49 points for Ultimate Warriors?  What about Johnny Dio getting the D2 win for Dilf’s?  All great choices, but we’re a sucker for a good story, and we were MOST impressed with Joe Miano (#10) making the leap from D6 to D3 and scoring 49 points in his debut, including ten on the final drive to tie the game.  Nothing intimidates this guy.  With an improved cast around him, Joe is going to make some noise in D3 this season.

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Unfortunately it’s too early in the season to put together any of those charts about team offenses and defenses that we love so much, but here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after one week (some of which is repeated from above):

• Best Offensive Team (total points) – Peachy Platoon, 104
• Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 58
• Worst Offensive Team (total points) – TMA, 6
• Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – TMA, 6
• Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Tight Ends in Motion, 0
• Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Tight Ends in Motion, 0
• Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – 3^rd & Schlong, 98
• Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hope N Ruin, 59
• Best Point Differential (total points) – Peachy Platoon, +54
• Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +50
• Worst Point Differential (total points) – Gryffindor, -55
• Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -50
• Longest Current Win Streak – Marketing Mayors, 6
• Longest Current Losing Streak – 3^rd & Schlong, 4

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If you have any thoughts on why we suck at ranking QBs (and of course how you’d do it better), please send emails to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

What’s YOUR ranking?