TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 6

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Wednesday, 02 October 2019 13:01

Published: Wednesday, 02 October 2019 13:01

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 8567

"Power Rankings man/bear/pig guy provides us with the controversial hot takes that makes each season so special.  Does everyone agree? No.  Should he care? No.  Calls a spade a spade.  You either put up or shut up cause the numbers don't lie. Big facts" – Anonymous testimonial

Welcome back for Week Six of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings (Fall 2019 Edition).  If you’re pressed for time this week and just looking for a quick summary, here is our entire article condensed into the form of a Haiku:

Top Ten mostly same,

Topper leap frogs Dean and Vince,

Next ten are madness

Bobby McConnell #1 and Eyes Downtown win their most important game of the season (so far) beating Marketing Mayors 37-29.  Sorry to BORE you, but that’s going to make the #1 ranking very predictable this week, and probably the rest of the season too.  Let’s recap (as we plagiarize ourselves from last week’s article):

·         Best record in the highest division, now 7-1

·         Highest points per game in the highest division (34.1 ppg)

·         Longest active winning streak in the League (tied with Over Compensators, sure)

·         Has now beaten every team in D1 at least once this season (though not every QB, as Mark Dalfonso #2 was not present for the game)

Good luck topping that.

We expected Matty Ice #4 to take care of business with A&A, who beat Dilfs 45-15 this week.  We expected him to take care of business with Matty’s Angels, who absolutely crushed Full Throttle 66-22.  We did NOT expect Matty to literally join a third team mid-season and nearly beat Slytherin That End Zone in their first game.  More on the We Back/Schilling Em Softly saga later in this article, but Matty’s apparently back on three teams (though will not be quarterbacking for S.E.S. going forward) and continuing to put up laughable numbers: he’s now 11-1 this season with 549 points scored for his two primary teams (plus various other points scored while subbing for others).  Amazing.  Despite what Matty thinks though, his 111 points this week for A&A and Matty’s Angels are NOT a League record for two games in a single week, as that “record” is at least 115 points, shared by… Matty Ice, from Week Three of Spring 2019 when he put up 115 against Hope N Ruin and Pink Pteratacos, and… Matty Ice, from Week Two of Spring 2019 when he put up 115 against Home Tech and EmC HammerTime.  At least, that’s the record as far as we can tell (our records only go back to last session, so take all our nonsense with a grain of salt).  If you’re wondering what the “record” is for three games in a day, Matty ALSO put up 54 points against Five Star Generals in Week Two of last season, so that would be 169 points across three games.  115 is a record that might someday fall (Larry Chruscial had 108 just two weeks ago, and Matty might have beaten it himself had the Angels game not been called early) but 169 should be safe for a long long time.

The only story more incredible than Matty’s triple dominance might be the unexpected rise of Uncle Topper.  We dismissed it as a fluke when Hofbrauhaus Buffalo started the season with a few dominant wins.  We said just about anyone could win behind that defense.  We said they hadn’t played anyone good yet, or that the teams they’d played were missing key athletes.  We said once they had to face the real superpowers of D2 (A&A and Peachy Platoon… you knew who we were talking about), they’d come crashing down to Earth.  And yet here we are in the early days of October, and Patrick McGovern #5 is still undefeated after his first signature win of the season, handing Dean Thompson #6 his first “real” loss in D2 while locking up his highest ranking in the history of the this article.  Hofbrauhaus Buffalo dominated their much younger opponents, with Topper scoring the first 38ish points of the game.  The first 7 were a pick six (plus extra point) he threw to Peachy Platoon, but the next 31 were all for Hofbrauhaus, and the League icon somehow remains undefeated.  Is Topper going to pull a Peyton Manning and somehow drag his elderly, broken body to a Championship and then retire on top?  Time will tell, and next week’s game against A&A will allegedly be without Matty Ice… if Hofbrauhaus wins, does Topper have a legitimate claim to pass an absentee Matty in the Rankings?

Speaking of upsets (that even our Godfather didn’t see coming!) how about No Punt Intended beating All We Do Is Quinn 39-26?  Vince Taverna #7 has been so dominant this season that we almost forgot he was capable of losing games, but Kyle Conniff #11 and NPI put the pressure on early, jumping to a big lead and never letting up.  NPI and AWDIQ are the only two teams with strong point differentials in D3 (there’s a graph of this below of course), so if this was a preview of the D3 championship game, it’s not a very encouraging outcome for the Quinners.  No Punt Intended then finished their day with a 43-13 massacre of the Sticky Bandits, which puts the team in first place in D3, and Kyle on the verge of his first Top Ten appearance in the Power Rankings. 

Matt Newman #8 had another strong day at the office, scoring 77 points between a 36-31 win over Schilling Em Softly and a 45-41 loss to Energy Buff.  Slytherin and Dilfs are stuck in that second tier of D2 – unable to beat the Power Three in the division, but a step above their struggling division rivals at the bottom of the standings.  Newman is good, but is he good enough to be taken seriously as a contender in the playoffs?  We’re not sure yet.

Three athletes in our Top Ten (Chris Cole #3, Joey Batts #9 and Mike McKenrick #10) had byes and maintain their spots in the Power Rankings this week.  Other than Topper jumping past Dean and Vince, there isn’t any other movement in the Top Ten this week.  The madness begins in the #11-#20 spots, where every single Quarterback either went up or down in the Rankings this week.

Joe Miano #12 falls one spot this week and Scott Keller #13 rises two, as a result of 3^rd & Schlong’s surprising 41-8 destruction of Jabronies this week.  We knew this had potential to be an upset, but no one on the Power Rankings Committee predicted that Schlong would run away with this game.  Schlong continues to rise and gets harder and harder to beat (“schlong” jokes are easy); after setting the League’s longest losing streak, they’re now on a three game tear (two of which are against teams with winning records) and Katie Keller’s not the ONLY reason why this team has the second highest points per game in D3.

Frodo Swaggins continues to flash their incredible potential and then fall just short of realizing it, with a 43-26 win over Ultimate Warriors (who had also lost 41-28 earlier in the day to Puckett All-Stars) and a 38-36 loss to End Game.  Lots to unpack there, as four of our Top Twenty quarterbacks were covered in that sentence.  Scotty “The Moose” Dro #14 drops in our Power Rankings, not JUST because of his failed called shot on this week’s double header, and not JUST because of Frodo’s recent mediocrity on the field (both of which have gotten him some scathing reviews from the League website articles these past couple weeks), but also because old man Keller is flat out killing it and deserves to move up.  Scott Pinto #17 of UW drops one spot and his teammate Sam Lattuca #22 drops out of the Top Twenty altogether.  Ultimate Warriors play competitive games and they can never be considered an easy win, but at some point they have to get some W’s to earn respect in D3.  David Eickhoff #18 and End Game bust out of their recent slump with a quality win over Frodo, moving Dave up a spot. 

Larry Chruscial #15 falls three rankings, and all he did was beat Practice Squad 28-14.  There’s no Power Rankings justice in this world, we agree.  You could argue he should be higher for being one of two undefeated teams AND leading the League in points per game (Matty’s Angels excluded).  Or you could argue he should be lower in the Rankings because he’s the only D5 quarterback in the Top Twenty, and one of only two that plays exclusively below D3.  You’re free to disagree with us, but we think we have him ranked just right.  Larry’s only path back to the Top Ten is dominant, borderline unsportsmanlike wins.  Good luck!

Andy Clark #16 is our only other Top Twenty quarterback playing exclusively below D3, and he has Buffalo Solar Solutions heating up in D4.  This week Andy beat Mountain Dew Me 45-20, which is good enough to rise one spot in our Power Rankings.  D4 remains a three team division, and it’s difficult for us to imagine Full Throttle, Mountain Dew Me or Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers playing in the finals later this month.

Ricky Austin #19 makes his return to the Power Rankings this week, with wins for AND against Energy Buff – it’s not often a player gets to pull that off in a single week.  “Good Ricky” first led Bullet Club to a 25-22 win over Energy Buff, and then an hour later (perhaps feeling guilty for the sadness he inflicted on them) subbed for Energy Buff to lead them to a thrilling 45-41 comeback against Slytherin That End Zone.  Ricky’s almost certainly underrated at the #19 spot based on talent alone, but Bullet Club has had enough QB inconsistency this session that we haven’t been able to rank him at all until now.

Vaspian’s inaugural season hit a setback this week as they got crushed 44-18 by the Sticky Bandits.  Lucas Kramer #20 drops two ranks but hangs on to our final spot in the Top Twenty.  Seven of the quarterbacks knotted up in the #11-#20 spots of our Power Rankings play in D3, which may be the most competitive from division top to bottom.  The first place team in the D3 standings right now is No Punt Intended, who have lost to Jabronies, who have lost to 3^rd & Schlong, who have lost to Sticky Bandits, who have lost to Ultimate Warriors, who have lost to Puckett All-Stars, who have lost to Frodo Swaggins, who have lost to End Game, who have to lost to Vaspian, who have lost to All We Do Is Quinn, who have lost to… No Punt Intended.  Any team can beat any other team in this division, so these Power Rankings are splitting hairs here. 

We have been asked SO many times over the last few months why we can’t just rank two players as tied when they’re THAT close in performance (ie Cole and Dalfonso early in the season, and much of D3 today).  Our answer: ties are weak, and they are a cop-out.  Power Rankings are supposed to establish who is better than whom, and even though this can be REALLY hard sometimes, we vow that we will never cheat you by calling a tie between two or more players in our Rankings.

***

Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after six weeks:

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 334

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 52

·         Best Offensive Team Non-Gender (points per game) – Over Compensators, 46.4

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Shattered Dreams, 76

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 14.2*

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 61

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 12.2

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 304

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 47.8

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +180

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +30.8

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – Shattered Dreams, -126*

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Shattered Dreams, -25.2*

·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Pink Pteratacos, 6*

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: We Back, Pink Pteratacos, Shattered Dreams

You see all those asterisks above?  Yeah, we need to talk about We Back.  Apparently their team has entirely dissolved mid-season and been replaced by Schilling Em Softly, the reigning Breakfast Club Champions.  This is crazy/awesome on many levels, and it wreaks havoc on our stat keeping.  We Back was leading MANY of those categories above (none that they’d want to, of course) but it doesn’t make much sense to continue to list them among League leaders.  Instead, we’re retiring them from the stats view above, and for the sake of stat tracking, straight up replacing them with Schilling Em Softly, an 0-1 team with 31 points for and 36 points against.  Their records will be kept separate as much as possible when we should charts and stats.  How does this work if Schilling Em Softly and A&A end up playing each other in the playoffs, since Matty plays on (but apparently won’t be quarterbacking) both teams?  We have no idea, but the QB Power Rankings aren’t the place to debate that – we’ll stick with what we’re “good” at and leave those decisions to League management.

Eyes Downtown and Over Compensators both won this week, keeping our League’s longest win streaks intact.  Pink Pteratacos is now recognized as the longest losing streak in the League, which they might argue is unfair since We Back/Schilling Em Softly are a combined 0-7 this season, but life’s not fair and neither are we in the Power Rankings Committee.

All three undefeated teams won this week.  All three winless teams lost this week.  Barring a tie, we’re guaranteed to have at least ONE change next week, as A&A and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo can’t both stay undefeated playing against each other.

***

No charts for you this week.  What?  We’re not contractually obligated to make charts.

Here’s a graph of each team’s point differentials per game instead.  Yes, it’s the same concept as last week, but now it’s in graph form (so you can see visually how terrible your team really is) and updated with one more week’s data.  Look, it’s tough to come up with different charts every week, this is the best we’ve got:

If you’re reading this on your phone and the font is too tiny to make out your team’s name, just assume you’re the worst one in your division.

***

That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (“records” that go back only a season and a half are pointless?  you miss the line graph from last week?  you play on Pink Pteratacos and you demand the We Back/Schilling Em Softly losing streak be officially recognized?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings - Week 4

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41

Published: Tuesday, 17 September 2019 18:41

Written by Super User

Hits: 3925

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 4

 

Four weeks into the season, and it’s absolute chaos at the top of the Power Rankings.  The top three Division 1 QBs have traded wins against each other in recent weeks, and League icon Matty Ice remains undefeated atop two different divisions.  How do you put any of these legends anywhere BUT #1 at this point??  There is no fair way to rank our top passers right now, but hey, that’s why Topper pays us a six figure salary to figure these things out.

 

Last week we walked through the Pros/Cons argument for each of the viable contenders for the #10 spot, so this week we’re going to start by doing the same for our four contenders for the #1 spot.

 

Mark Dalfonso

Pros: Highest points per game in D1, defending D1 champions.  What more do we have to say?  That’s a pretty good resume. 

Cons: Lost decisively to Public Enemy and former #1 Chris Cole this week by a score of 35-14

 

Chris Cole

Pros: To be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and if Dalfonso was the #1 ranking last week, what does that say about the guy who just beat him?

Cons: Public Enemy was on top of the world for about two hours, before losing to Eyes Downtown by a score of 34-27.  The team that was once 20-0 (then 22-1) is now just 1-2 in its last three games, with two losses to Eyes Downtown.  Public Enemy is now 4^th in their division in points per game.

 

Bobby McConnell

Pros: Best record in D1, less than one point away from Marketing Mayors as the highest PPG in the division, two straight wins over Public Enemy in consecutive weeks.

Cons: They may have Public Enemy’s number, but they got wrecked by Marketing Mayors in Week 1.  How can you justify McConnell being higher than Dalfonso when he has a head-to-head loss, fewer PPG, and the same number of losses?

 

Matty Ice

Pros: 8-0 for his two teams this session, including the 1^st and 9^th highest scoring offenses in the League (for reference, Marketing Mayors is 15^th, Eyes Downtown is 18^th and Public Enemy is 31^st).  Three wins this week, scoring between 41 and 44 points in each.

Cons: Again… to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man, and the only knock on Matty is that he’s not beating any of these other guys by playing in D2.  We think Matty can hang with the heavyweights, but until he moves up to D1 to prove it (next session?) it’s absolutely working against him.

 

Mark has beaten Bobby, who has beaten Chris, who has beaten Mark… and Matty hasn’t beaten or lost to any of them… so head to head record doesn’t help us here.  If we went solely on stats, it’d be Dalfonso.  If we went solely on record this season, it’d be McConnell.  If we took into account a longer recent history dating back to last season, it’d be Cole.  And if we ignored divisional differences and let his D2/D4 work speak for itself, it’d be Matty.

 

So what did we decide?  Let’s take a look.

 

 

Don’t like it?  Feel free to complain, like everyone else.

 

***

 

Dean Thompson #5 of Peachy Platoon rolls to easy wins over Energy Buff and We Back (or whatever subs they slapped together this week to pass for a team) by a combined score of 91-12.  Booooriiiing.  Bring on Hofbrauhaus Buffalo. Bring on the A&A rematch. These are the D2 battles we want to see.

 

Vince Taverna #6 keeps his spot with bye this week – well deserved rest for an All We Do Is Quinn team that started the season with three doubleheaders.

 

We were convinced that Topper’s stay in the Top Ten would be a short lived fluke, but here he is four weeks into the season, and actually rising in the Power Rankings with a Hofbrauhaus Buffalo win over Matt Newman #9 and Slytherin That End Zone by a score of 36-18.  This was Topper’s first game this season against an upper tier D2 team, and although they gave up nearly as many points against Newman as they did in their first three games combined, actually trailing by a couple points at halftime, the Hofbrauhausers got their act together in the second half to pull away.  Topper #7 moves up in the standings.  Unreal.

 

Joey Batts #8 gets wrecked by Tight Ends in Motion 40-15, costing him a spot in the Power Rankings.  Gryffindor has been outscored by TEIM 75-15 in two games this season... yikes.  Fun fact: if it weren’t for Gryffindor’s cross divisional game against D2 Dilf’s, Joey Batts would own both the longest winning streak in the League (with Cunning Stunts) AND the longest losing streak (with Gryffindor).

 

The battle for the final spot in our Top Ten was a little less intense this week, as we had only two viable candidates we considered.  Mike Mckenrick #11 made his case with the aforementioned annihilation of Gryffindor, but Larry Chruscial #10 of Over Compensators hangs on with TWO 50+ point performances this week, including a 50-24 win over Come From Behind and a 58-25 destruction of their En Fuego rivals.  Over Compensators has the most points in the League after four weeks, and the most points per game as well (non-gender of course; no one competes with Matty’s Angels otherwise).  Blase Laduca was #comingforblood this week, but Larry’s the one leaving with the W and the Top Ten ranking. 

 

Who else is lurking in the shadows waiting for their shot at Top Ten glory?  Scott Drosendahl #12 had his chance this week with a double header that could have put Frodo Swaggins on top of the D3 standings.  They took care of business against No Punt Intended with a 34-29 win, but then dropped a bit of a shocker to 3^rd & Schlong 41-22.  Schlong had been riding the longest active losing streak in the League before stunning Frodo, but the problem with that team has never been on the offensive side – Scott Keller Sr #15 is averaging 34 ppg, which is half a point better than Eyes Downtown and just two tenths of a point less than Marketing Mayors.  3^rd & Schlong are 16^th in the league on offense and 43^rd in defense, so don’t blame the QB for this team’s struggles.

 

Joe Miano #13 doesn’t deserve to drop in the Power Rankings after pulling off a thrilling 27-25 win over No Punt Intended, but a) Mike Mckenrick’s win over Gryffindor was even more impressive, and b) Scott played the same NPI team as Joe and scored even more against them in HIS win.  Sorry Joe.  Win your much-hyped Jabronies vs Sticky Bandits bet game next week and we’ll make it up to you.

 

Dilf’s beat “We Back” 47-12.  Yawn.  Johnny Dio #14 keeps his spot.

 

Scott Pinto #16 is making noise as the Ultimate Warriors pick up their first win of the season over the Sticky Bandits by a score of 46-30.  Scott has played well all season as the Ultimate Warriors are 10^th in the League in scoring and 2^nd in D3 behind AWDIQ.  We’ve probably been unfairly biased against this team in the Power Rankings since they effectively use two different quarterbacks (Sam “Icebox” Lattuca #20 being the other), making it difficult for us to rank either player.  But both are legitimately good, and Ultimate Warriors have the formula down to perfection – Scott drives the team into the red zone, and Sam punches it in.  Ultimate Warriors becomes the first team in Power Rankings history to have two quarterbacks ranked in the same week.

 

Kyle Conniff #17 and No Punt Intended dropped both games of a doubleheader (34-29 vs Frodo Swaggins, 27-25 vs Jabronies) this week to fall one spot in our Power Rankings.  But on the bright side, we weren’t even showing our rankings past the Top Fifteen last week, so at least now Kyle is getting SOME recognition as we expand to show our Top Twenty.  Kyle is one of the most complete players in the League, and he can beat you with his arm, his legs, his hands and his defense.  NPI is 2-2 and has another doubleheader on tap for next week – wins over the struggling Puckett All-Stars and End Game could push Kyle into the Top Fifteen.  And hey, why IS End Game struggling so much lately?  David Eickhoff #19 continues to plummet in our Power Rankings as the End Game offense sputters to the 7^th worst PPG in the League.  These guys were really good last session… not so much anymore.

 

Our guess is that if you haven’t heard of Vaspian yet, you will soon.  This brand new team founded by Drew (the guy who’s made Topper look halfway decent all these years) is already gelling well, and QB Lucas Kramer #18 earns his spot in the Power Rankings with a 25-13 win over End Game.  The League looks forward to getting to know these guys better.

 

***

Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:

 

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – Over Compensators, 297

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 56

·         Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5

 

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8

 

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10

 

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 269

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 54.5

 

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +37.3

·         Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8

 

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -196

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -39.2

 

·         Longest Current Win Streak – Cunning Stunts, 7

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – Hope N Ruin, 6

 

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Mattys Angels, Cunning Stunts, Over Compensators, Bipolar Express* (Includes tie)

·         Remaining Winless Teams: Energy Buff, We Back, Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Pink Pteratacos, Hope N Ruin, Shattered Dreams

 

***

 

Last week we shared some charts with the top offenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at defenses.  Here are your best and worst defenses in the League after four weeks, sorted by Points Per Game

 

Only three teams are allowing fewer than 20 points per game, and Hofbrauhaus Buffalo has a commanding lead here – to put it in perspective, the difference in points per game between first place Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and second place pAssless Chaps (7.33 ppg) is roughly the same as the difference between second place pAssless Chaps and 15^th place Cunning Stunts.  On the other end of the spectrum, we have six teams that are giving up more than 40 points per game, and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers are actually giving up over 50.  While that doesn’t seem sustainable (do they have ANY stops this season on defense?) it’s still pretty amazing four weeks into the season. 

 

And the same as above, but for each division:

 

 

A few observations:

·         The top four D1 defenses are all within a touchdown of each other in points per game… and then Gryffindor is way behind.

·         End Game and Dilf’s are the only two teams in the League with losing records that are allowing less than 30 points per game.

·         D3 seems to have the most defensive parity from top to bottom, as the best defense (No Punt Intended) allows only 16.7 ppg less than the worst defense (3^rd & Schlong).

·         We get why gender teams would score more points than co-ed teams, since gender TDs are worth more.  But there’s really no “gender rules” reason they should have the best defenses too – they’re just better athletes than the guys they play against.

 

 

***

 

That’s it for this week.  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your QB is STILL not shown in the Power Rankings even though we expanded to Twenty this week?  you want to know who’s ranked last?  too many data charts, not enough pie charts?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 5

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Friday, 27 September 2019 10:21

Published: Friday, 27 September 2019 10:21

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4295

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 5

“This is easily the worst written article the league has to offer.  It may be best to just shut it down”

“I thought the Joey Batts podcast was the worst thing on this site but this article just topped that”

“This article is an absolute outrage… blasphemy”

“It’s just baffling, this article couldn’t be more off”

“Top Ten is Blasphemy”

It’s glowing reviews like these that make it all worthwhile, folks…

Welcome back to another “critically acclaimed” edition of your TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!  Your headline for this week: there’s a new king of the mountain.  Chris Cole held our top spot for ten weeks, including all of last season and the first two weeks of Fall 2019.  Mark Dalfonso, defending D1 champion, then took over the top spot for two weeks.  And now we have our third #1 Quarterback in the season-and-a-half history of the TSL QB Power Rankings: Bobby McConnell.  Long may he reign.

Truth be told, it was an easy decision to shoot Bobby McConnell #1 up to the top of the Power Rankings this week.  His resume:

·         Best record in the highest division at 6-1.

·         Highest points per game in the highest division (33.7 ppg)

·         Longest active winning streak in the League

·         35-0 win in this week’s game against Gryffindor

There’s really no argument against that, so congrats Bobby.  Your prize?  A date with Mark Dalfonso #2, the only D1 quarterback you haven’t beaten yet this season.  Marketing Mayors of course beat Eyes Downtown 42-16 in their first matchup way back in Week One.  If Bobby wins this week, Eyes Downtown will open up a two game lead over the rest of D1, virtually assuring him a decent stay at the #1 ranking.  If Marketing Mayors wins, both teams will be tied for first place in the standings, with Mark holding a 2-0 head-to-head against Bobby this season… and if Mark wins by 12 or more, he’ll even steal the “highest points per game in D1” title from Bobby.  HUGE Power Rankings ramifications… can’t wait to see what happens here.  [Irrelevant side note: in writing that last paragraph, we realized that you can’t spell “Marketing Mayors” without “Mark”]

Two of our glowing reviews above referenced the “blasphemy” of this article, and we’re starting to think they’re right.  Chris Cole #3???  The certifiable TSL legend hits an all-time low this week with a loss in his third week in a row.  This from a guy who once won twenty games in a row!  Public Enemy is also only 4^th in their 5 team division in points per game… How the mighty have fallen indeed.  Of course it’s not fair just to mention his 35-28 loss to Marketing Mayors, as Public Enemy also picked up a 31-22 win over Tight Ends in Motion.  It was a strange week for parity in D1, as Public Enemy, Marketing Mayors and TEIM all went 1-1 against each other in double headers.  This only hurt Chris and Mark, but it actually helped propel Mike McKenrick #10 to his first appearance in our Top Ten.  Tight Ends in Motion didn’t put up a lot of points this week, beating Marketing Mayors 14-13 and losing the aforementioned game to Public Enemy, but they’re now 3-3 in D1 and Mike deserves some recognition for their start… even if two of those wins did come against Gryffindor.

No games for A&A this week, but Matty Ice #4 had an up and down week on Matty’s Angels.  Let’s start with the good: the Angels avenged their Spring Championship game loss against Cunning Stunts with a convincing 35-17 win, re-asserting their claim as the most dominant gender team in the TSL.  Unfortunately for fans of girl power everywhere, there’s also the bad: Matty’s Angels lost a 46-43 game against Buffalo Solar Solutions in their first loss to a non-gender team since… wow, we don’t even know.  The Angels went undefeated last year until the Championship game against the Stunts, and they’d won their first three games this session.  Our records only go back so far – have Matty’s Angels EVER lost to a standard co-ed team before?  Write us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you know if and when this last happened!  Your season to date Matty stats: 9-1 record and 43.8 ppg, leading the 2^nd and 7^th best offenses in the League.

Three of our next four ranked Quarterbacks had byes this week so not much to say there – Vince Taverna #6 played in a 44-18 annihilation of Vaspian (don’t worry Lucas #18; everyone loses to these guys) but Dean Thompson #5, Topper #7 and Matt Newman #8 all had the week off and got to keep their spots.  Newman actually went UP in the rankings in his week off – a rare achievement made possible only by the continued fall of Joey Batts #9.  A 35-0 Gryffindor shutout at the hands of Eyes Downtown AND a failed effort in the Cunning Stunts vs Matty’s Angels grudge match?  Really?  17 points across two games does not feel the like Joey Batts we know and love tolerate.  Maybe his podcasting ambitions are interfering with his performance on the field… or maybe he’s just digging himself a bigger hole to make his second straight double championship season all the more dramatic.  Classic Batts.  Either way, one streak continues (Gryffindor STILL has not beaten a D1 team this session) and another comes screeching to a halt (Cunning Stunts HAD the longest active win streak in the League).

We warned you, Larry Chruscial #12.  Playing in D5 you were always at risk of falling out of the Top Ten if a higher division quarterback had a big week, and unfortunately Mike from TEIM and Joe Miano #11 of Jabronies got some big wins while you were on a bye.  We’ve talked about Mike already, but how about Joe Miano with the double win this week?  The Godfather had ranked Sticky Bandits and Frodo Swaggins as having the second and third best odds to win D3, and Joe beat them both in back to back games.  The Jabronies are now second place in D3 with their only loss to first place All We Do Is Quinn, and Joe Miano is proving that he’s more than talented enough to justify the jump up from D6. 

Speaking of talent, there’s maybe nobody more talented in D3 right now than Scott Drosendahl #13 of Frodo Swaggins, but something’s not quite coming together for their team this session.  Frodo has a 3-2 record, but they’re 7^th in the division in points per game and frankly we’re surprised they’re not doing better with all the weapons they have (Garrett Beesing: “best hands in the G-D League, hands down”).  This is a smart team full of great athletes and we’re betting that Scotty’s still the man no one wants to line up against come playoff time.  He falls one spot in the Rankings this week, and debate raged on the Power Rankings Committee as to whether he should be demoted even more for his off-field failings (we won’t recap it here, but read this week’s Rant if you want to hear about our next great TSL tragic romance).  Ultimately we decided Scotty’s game was more important than his “game”, so no Power Rankings punishment was needed.

Joe Miano wasn’t the only D3 quarterback winning doubleheaders this week, as Kyle Conniff #14 and No Punt Intended take down End Game 44-30 and Puckett All-Stars 33-21.  Not exactly the hottest opponents in the division right now (Dave Eickhoff #19 was once a Top Ten QB, and is now on the verge of falling out of the Top Twenty), but a 4-2 record puts NPI in third place in D3 this week, and it all starts with Kyle. 

They may not be leading the division (or even in the top half of their division) but 3^rd & Schlong won AGAIN this week, beating Ultimate Warriors 41-32.  Two weeks ago 3&S had the longest losing streak in the League, and now they’re riding a two game winning streak.  Good for Scott Keller #15 rebounding from a tough start.  Yeah, Ultimate Warriors are still struggling in the standings (1-3-1) but don’t blame Scott Pinto #16 and Sam Lattuca #20 – the Warriors are currently second in D3 in points per game.  If these guys ever learned how to play defense, they’d be real contenders…

We mentioned the big Buffalo Solar Solutions win over Matty’s Angels earlier, but these guys ALSO beat Mountain Dew Me 29-23 this week to bring their record up to 3-2.  Andy Clark #17 started the season slowly (can it REALLY be true that he threw picks on his first three passes of the season???) but he’s upped his game lately and has BSS poised to contend in what was once thought to be a two-gender-team race for the D4 title. 

***

Does it ever feel like it’s the same people in the Top Ten almost every week?  We get that, and understand that people would love to see more movement in the Rankings to give newer players their opportunity to shine.  Only problem is, these people are the best for a REASON, and until someone else comes along to knock them from their pedestal, we’re going to continue to showcase the BEST of the BEST each week.  What good is a Power Rankings if it features only the “flavor of the week” instead of the most dominant Quarterbacks in the League?

We did think it would be interesting to look at player movement in the Top Ten though, so we did what we always do when we’re curious – made a graph:

Looks like we’ve had four tiers this season:

·         Tier 1 - Bobby/Mark/Chris/Matty swapping places in the Top 4

·         Tier 2 - Dean and Vince, who have literally not moved once all season and sit at 5 and 6 respectively (Dean’s probably wondering why he doesn’t get to be in a Tier of his own over Vince, but screw it, we’re lumping you guys in together here)

·         Tier 3 - The Topper/Newman/Batts tier, who have owned the 7-8-9 rankings all season

·         Tier 4 - The best of the rest, with Joe, Larry and Mike taking turns with the 10^th spot

We REALLY wanted to make a line graph going back to Week One of LAST season, but that got ugly pretty fast so we abandoned it.  Instead, here’s a simple chart of how many times each quarterback in our League has ranked in the Top Ten through the past thirteen weeks (all of Spring Session and all of Fall Session through five weeks):

19 different Quarterbacks have cracked our Top Ten so far through a season and a half, with only Cole, Dalfonso, Matty Ice and Joey Batts making it in EVERY week.  Some day, Blase, some day.

***

Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after five weeks:

·         Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 308

·         Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 49.5

·         Worst Offensive Team (total points) – We Back, 48

·         Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – We Back, 8

·         Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 40

·         Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 10

·         Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 304

·         Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 47.8

·         Best Point Differential (total points) – Over Compensators, +166

·         Best Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +32.8

·         Worst Point Differential (total points) – We Back, -217

·         Worst Point Differential (points per game) – We Back, -36.2

·         Longest Current Win Streak – TIE: Eyes Downtown, Over Compensators, 6

·         Longest Current Losing Streak – We Back, 6

·         Remaining Undefeated Teams: A&A, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, Over Compensators

·         Remaining Winless Teams: We Back, Pink Pteratacos, Shattered Dreams

We Back is “winning” a number of the undesirable statistical categories above, some of which were hurt by a 21-0 forfeit this week, while ironically others were helped by it (a 21 point loss was actually GOOD for their average point differential, since they usually lose by way more).

Both the longest active win streak in the League (Cunning Stunts) and longest active losing streak (Hope N Ruin) were snapped this week, so we have new leaders at both categories. 

There were six undefeated teams coming into this week, and now with losses by all three gender teams, there are only three.  There were seven winless teams coming into this week, and now with wins by Energy Buff (forfeit wins still count!), Puckett All-Stars, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, and Hope N Ruin, there are only three.

***

In the past two weeks we’ve shared some charts with the top offenses and top defenses in the League – this week we’re going to take a look at average point differentials (+/-) to see who are the most dominant (and most dominated) teams in the League:

Only four teams are winning by an average of more than twenty points per game and only four teams are losing by an average of more than twenty points a game.  Both the good and bad categories above have almost a full touchdown drop-off between the 4^th and 5^th teams, strangely.

And the same as above, but for each division:

***

That’s it for this week!  If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (not enough Scotty/LRG coverage?  line graphs give you a headache?  quality of writing is SIGNIFICANTLY worse than the Sentinel?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

What’s YOUR ranking?

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 3

• Print
• Email

Details

Category: TSL QB Power Rankings

Created: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:26

Published: Tuesday, 10 September 2019 19:26

Written by Patrick McGovern

Hits: 4025

TSL Quarterback Power Rankings – Week 3

Let’s start with the obvious, the big story, the Main Event:  For the first time in the (brief) history of the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings, we have a change in the #1 Ranking.  Chris Cole #2 had been the top Quarterback in the WNY bar league football scene for 10 consecutive weeks dating back to Week One of the Spring 2019 season… until he was dethroned by Mark Dalfonso #1 of Marketing Mayors this week.  Not an easy decision to demote a guy who has gone 22-2 in his past 24 games, but this is how we justified it:

• Marketing Mayors has the best record (and only undefeated record) in our highest division at 4-0.  Public Enemy is 2-1, following a loss to Eyes Downtown this week.
• Mark has led Marketing Mayors to the highest points per game in D1, while Public Enemy is stunningly LAST in the division in scoring after three weeks. 
• Marketing Mayors are the defending D1 Champs, having knocked off Public Enemy in the championship game last session.
• Marketing Mayors have the longest current winning streak in the League right now at 8 games ,while Public Enemy’s streak is currently at 1 loss.

Better record, better stats, head to head win in the last championship game, hotter team.  Mark checks every box right now, and that’s why he takes over the top spot in the TSL QB Power Rankings.  Oh, and Marketing Mayors play Public Enemy this week, so it’ll be fascinating to see what happens.  Does Mark cement his #1 ranking with another win, pushing Public Enemy to an unfathomable .500 record?  Or does Cole win the game and force a VERY difficult debate about why a team with a worse record and worse stats deserves to have the #1 Quarterback in the Power Rankings?  This is only the second meeting of #1 vs #2 ranked QBs in the Power Rankings history, and Cole won the first one against Matty Ice last season.  This is the game of the week for fans of great quarterbacking, and the TSL QB Power Rankings committee will be watching closely.

After Mark and Chris, the next tier of TSL passers battling it out for Rankings supremacy seems to be Matty Ice #3 and Bobby McConnell #4.  You know the story on Matty updates by now: he’s like 37-0 this season with 16,572 points (actually 5-0 with 233 points, but it always feels like so much more).  This guy never seems to lose, even when he should (*cough*PEACHY*).  And Bobby’s probably wondering what more he has to do to advance in the Power Rankings – he just beat Public freakin’ Enemy this week (how many active teams have ever done this? Is it just Eyes Downtown and Marketing Mayors? We would love to know), he beat Gryffindor 48-45, and he’s second in D1 in points per game.  Are we selling Bobby short with a #4 ranking?  Maybe.  He gets a second consecutive game against Public Enemy this week (D1 really needs more teams… have any other articles or podcasts mentioned that yet?) and the TSL QB Power Rankings committee would HAVE to promote him if he won again.

Dean Thompson #5 wins again, as Peachy Platoon beats Dilfs 31-29.  Peachy Platoon is 3-1 and would be undefeated in D2 if not for last week’s controversy; we probably knew this two weeks ago, but can we OFFICIALLY say now that the League made the right decision moving them up to D2?  If they’re not in D1 next session, something is wrong.

Vince Taverna #6 wins two more this week, as All We Do Is Quinn takes down Ultimate Warriors 44-30 and Jabronies 38-29.  AWDIQ have played three double headers to start the season, and remember, they would still be undefeated at 6-0 if not for Dave Baker’s Hail Mary miracle last week for the Sticky Bandits.  This team is really good, and we suspect they’ll be taking their talents to D2 next session.

We in the Power Rankings committee are loathe to promote quarterbacks after they lose a game, and we have NEVER promoted a QB that lost two games in a week… until now.  But it doesn’t feel right NOT to move Joey Batts #7 up after dropping two close games to Eyes Downtown (48-45) and Marketing Mayors (46-41).  Joey is STILL searching for his first D1 win this season, as Gryffindor’s lone win came in their D2 crossover game, but in the last two weeks he’s fallen one point short again Public Enemy… three points short against Eyes Downtown… and five points short against Marketing Mayors.  These are all really good teams, and scoring 86 points this week tells us that offense wasn’t the problem for Gryffindor.  Ultimately we would rather reward a QB for falling short against the best competition than reward one for hiding in lower divisions to rack up more wins.  And speaking of wins, Joey DID also win two games this week, as Cunning Stunts took down Buffalo Solar Solutions 36-25 and Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 52-27.   If you have any questions about how great Joey is, make sure you listen to his podcast… he’ll be happy to remind you.

Poor Matt Newman #8. You fell one spot in the Rankings because you had a bye week and Joey was awesome while you were out.  Doesn’t seem fair does it?  We won’t pretend like it is.

Topper #9 and his Cinderella story continue, as Hofbrauhaus Buffalo beats Bullet Club 28-6.  A few facts about “Team Topper” – they’re 3-0 this session, they’re averaging 45 ppg, and they’ve only given up 22 points.  No, not 22 points per game, 22 points total.  They’ve allowed one score in each of their three games so far.  They’ve ALSO played the three worst teams in D2, and unless Topper abuses his League “influence” over the schedule to keep playing these same three teams over and over again, eventually they have to start playing tougher competition.  Up next is Slytherin That End Zone, which should easily be their hardest challenge to date.  If Topper can pull off another win though, he’ll be in great position to leapfrog Newman in the Power Rankings.

Finally, we get to the #10 ranking.  This was probably the hardest decision we’ve ever had to make for the Top Ten, as there were so many candidates worthy of consideration.  Let’s take a look at each (in no particular order):

Joe Miano (Jabronies)

Pros: 9^th in the League in PPG, 2^nd in D3 in PPG; only loss was to strong opponent; held the #10 spot last week, so it should be his to lose

Cons: Lost this week to AWDIQ; none of the teams he’s beaten/tied so far this session have won a game

Scott Drosendahl (Frodo Swaggins)

Pros: One of the hotter QBs in the League going back to last session; 2-0 to start this season

Cons: Didn’t play this week (tough to break the top ten without playing a game); 27^th in the League in PPG.

Larry Chruscial (Over Compensators)

Pros: Highest scoring non-gender team in the League; won 50-0 this week vs Pink Pteratacos; 4-0 record to start this season

Cons: Plays in D5, which would make him the only candidate in consideration that plays below D3

Johnny Dio (Dilfs)

Pros: Positive point differential in D2; one of five offenses in D2 that scores more than 30 ppg (the other four having Top Ten QBs); three losses this season are by 1, 2 and 4 points, against two of the top D2 teams (Peachy & SITE) and D1 Gryffindor

Cons: 1-3 record this season; 20^th in the League in PPG

Mike Mckenrick (TEIM)

Pros: Only unranked D1 QB so far this season; annihilated Gryffindor 35-0 (game called early) for signature win; third in D1 in scoring; two losses were both close (Marketing Mayors by one point, Eyes Downtown by four)

Cons: 1-2 record this season; started Marketing Mayors game with two immediate INTs, including a Pick-8 on First and Goal (which should really not be rewarded with Top Ten status); 24^th in the League in PPG

David Eickhoff (End Game)

Pros: Dominated Spring session with best +/- in the League playing in D4; only two losses this session are to the teams with the best two records in division

Cons: This isn’t Spring session, and now End Game is 37^th in the League in PPG playing in D3; only two wins this session are to winless teams

Tough choices, and it all depends how we value win/loss record, points per game, quality of division, quality of opponents played within that division to date, etc.  There was no obvious answer here.  Since we started the article by immediately sharing the Top Ten (actually a Top 15 this week, as we wanted to recognize all of these players), you should know by now that we ultimately went with Larry Chruscial #10 for the final spot.  He had the best offensive numbers, the best record, and is coming off a 50-0 win.  Does it matter that he plays against D5 teams, and the other contenders were D3 (Joe, Scott and Dave), D2 (Johnny) and D1 (Mike)?  Well, yeah, actually it does, and that’s why Larry’s going to have a damn hard time holding on to this spot if any of these other guys get hot and distinguish themselves in the coming weeks.  But for now Larry, you’ve earned it. Keep mauling other teams 50-0, and we’ll keep writing about you, Top Ten or otherwise.

“Ultimately we would rather reward a QB for falling short against the best competition than reward one for hiding in lower divisions to rack up more wins.”

“We ultimately went with Larry Chruscial #10 for the final spot.  He had the best offensive numbers, the best record, and is coming off a 50-0 win”

Do those two statements seem inconsistent to you?  Believe me, we struggled with the logic of this too, and sometimes there are just no clear answers.

***

Here are a few quick hits on your TSL team leaders after three weeks – we’ve separated out gender teams where needed, because apparently our ladies are so dominant they ruin these categories for their less athletic male counterparts:

• Best Offensive Team (total points) – All We Do Is Quinn, 264
• Best Offensive Team (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, 62
• Best Non-Gender Offensive Team (points per game) – Over Compensators, 47.3

• Worst Offensive Team (total points) – Pink Pteratacos, 24
• Worst Offensive Team (points per game) – Pink Pteratacos, 8

• Best Defensive Team (total points against) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 22
• Best Defensive Team (points against per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, 7.3

• Worst Defensive Team (total points against) – Gryffindor, 229
• Worst Defensive Team (points against per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, 59

• Best Point Differential (total points) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +113
• Best Point Differential (points per game) – Matty’s Angels, +43.0
• Best Non-Gender Point Differential (points per game) – Hofbrauhaus Buffalo, +37.7

• Worst Point Differential (total points) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -125
• Worst Point Differential (points per game) – Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, -41.7
• Longest Current Win Streak – Marketing Mayors, 8
• Longest Current Losing Streak – 3^rd & Schlong, 6

We’ve gone three weeks without a chart here, so we’re way overdue.  Here are your best and worst offenses in the League after three weeks, sorted by Points Per Game.  Three of the top four best offenses belong to our gender teams – crazy to think that of the 44 other teams in the League, only one (Over Compensators) can claim that they’re outscoring a gender team right now, and even they are nearly 15 points per game behind Matty’s Angels.

And the same as above, but for each division:

As we pointed out last season, most teams score between 20-40 points per game (every team in D1, for example), so if you’re doing better than that, you’re in great company: all three gender teams, Over Compensators, All We Do Is Quinn, Hofbrauhaus Buffalo and Peachy Platoon are the only teams in the 40+ Club at this point in the season.  And if you’re scoring under 20 points per game… well, that’s less elite company.  A trio of struggling D2 teams (Bullet Club, Energy Buff, We Back), Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Come from Behind, Pink Pteratacos and Shattered Dreams make up our Under 20 Club, but most of those teams are just one solid outing away from offensive respectability.

***

If you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (don’t like the way we handled the #10 spot this week?  not enough D5/D6 coverage?  too much anti-gender team discrimination in “Best Team/Worst Team” section?), please send complaints to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. 

What’s YOUR ranking?