TSL Power Rankings

Login Form

Weather

WEEK 8 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 13 October 2022 16:39; Published: Thursday, 13 October 2022 16:39; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 8204

Welcome back to the FINAL TSL Quarterback Power Rankings of the season!

Yes, unlike our way more productive colleagues the Godfather and the Sentinel, we don't write articles during the playoffs. We like to sit back and just watch the show, the fireworks, the bloodbath, whatever you want to call it, without having to analyze anything. So with this being our last article of the year, we've saved a lot for you. We have our final Top 25 Quarterbacks of the year (no, Topper didn't make the final cut), some updated charts and graphs that you've seen before (if not this session, then other sessions), and then our usual playoff division analysis where we look at each playoff race in detail to pick out any trends in the data we can find.

This will be our longest article of the year, so buckle up! (Or just quit reading right now if you're too intimidated, that's fine too.)

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 33-20 (Legends), lost to Travis Henry's Kids 56-40 (Stunts)

For the second season in a row, Joey vaults into the #1 spot on the last day of the season. Disgusting. Believe us, we don't like it any more than you do. Ironically it comes after the Stunts finally lost their first game of the season too. But tough to argue with the total resumé here: #1 seed in D1, #1 seed in D4, 16-2 combined record, and the highest scoring team in the League by a TON at 50.1 PPG (only one other team broke the 40 point barrier). More on that 50.1 PPG later...

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 21-20

The top spot was Bro's for the taking, and all Tight Ends had to do was beat a D2 team in a crossover game. Of course, this isn't just any D2 team we're talking about, as "D1.5" Frodo crushed Bro's chances at finishing the year in the top spot in our rankings AND getting a first round bye for the playoffs. We are huge believers in Frodo Swaggins, but we can't claim to have seen this coming. Didn't TEIM lose a D2 Crossover game last season also?

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Did Not Play

We didn't see Bobby at the fields this week as Eyes Downtown lost to Legends without him. We thought this guy never missed a game??

#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 44-6, tied Grey Hair - Don't Care 31-31

The Sticky Bandits did JUST enough to pass Eyes Downtown in the standings to take the #3 seed in the D1 bracket by crushing Passed Our Prime and then tying a severely shorthanded Grey Hair team. Mike finished last season just two points shy of the TSL scoring title, and although Sticky Nation dropped to 15th in scoring this session, they always seem to save a big win or two for playoffs.

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 21-20

It's not impossible to beat a team in a division higher than you in a crossover game, but it's not supposed to happen against the TOP TEAM IN THE LEAGUE! Tight Ends might have been missing a player or two, but so was Frodo... in fact their top girl wasn't available, because she was playing against them with Tight Ends in Motion. Major, major credit to Garrett and his teammates for going up against the best in the League and coming out on top. Sorry we didn't move you up in the Power Rankings!

#6 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Beat Freeballers 34-28

No Punt Intended's only two losses this season were a D1 crossover in their very first game as a team, and the week that Kyle wasn't in town. Upsets happen in the playoffs, and we usually love that unpredictable element. Having said that, every single person on our Committee is rooting to see Frodo vs No Punt Intended III in the Finals. There can only be one champion!

#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 33-15, lost to Sticky Bandits 44-6

Passed Our Prime are no cowards. They won D2 and moved up, knowing that it would cost them their two best players. Then they scraped together just enough of a short-handed team this past week to beat Scared Hitless and move out of last place in the D1 standings. Yes, they also got killed by the Sticky Bandits, but again, short-handed! Hogan makes this team dangerous for playoffs.

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Passed Our Prime 33-15

Scared Hitless finished with a negative point differential against every team in their division this session. They lost to Legends, Tight Ends and Sticky Bandits, went 0-1-1 against Grey Hair, and 1-1 against Passed Our Prime. Are they overrated because they haven't been better than a single opponent? Or underrated because most of those games were so close? It's really tough to say. More on that in the division analysis below!

#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Tied Sticky Bandits 31-31

They say tying a game is like kissing your sister. If that's true, then Grey Hair Don't Care has gone full Targaryen over the last couple of weeks on a 0-0-2 streak against Scared Hitless and Sticky Bandits. No one can accuse these guys of not playing competitive games! Mercifully the playoffs are up next, and they'll have to finally win or lose a game... against the team they JUST tied last week.

#10 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Beat the Replacements 39-0

The Untouchaballs are 2-0 against The Replacements outscoring them 77-12. They have also forfeited two games this session, which means they've only played five "real" games this season. It's tough to evaluate how well they'll do in playoffs with such a uniquely small sample size. Could they beat DILFS? Sure, they almost did last time the two teams played. But we can't see them getting past No Punt Intended or Frodo.

#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat Spinelli's Plumbing 46-30

Puckett All-Stars were the ONLY standard co-ed team (ie not the Cunning Stunts) to break 40 points per game this session as they finished at 42.9 PPG. That's pretty impressive! The next closest team ironically was Spinelli's Plumbing who WOULD have cracked 40 PPG if not for the Puckett All-Stars defense limiting them to 30 this past week.

#12 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS

Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice Retro 42-29

We're just assuming Dubey has retired at this point because it seems like the DILFS are all Travis lately. And why shouldn't they be? Frodo and No Punt Intended are (rightfully) getting all the credit in D2 because they have better records and MUCH better point differentials, but if we look at offense only, it's NPI 37.1 PPG, Frodo 36.1 PPG, and DILFS 35.1 PPG. Not a lot of difference between these teams... except that the DILFS defense has allowed about a hundred more points.

#13 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers

Last Week: Lost to No Punt Intended 34-28

Freeballers are the definition of "average" in D2 right now in the middle of the standings and all our charts (more on that below). But they've lost to Frodo by 11, and NPI by only 6 this past week. You think these guys don't believe they can beat either of those super teams?

#14 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week: Lost to Puckett All-Stars 46-30

Spinelli's finished with the third best offense in the TSL, one session after finishing with the seventh best offense in the TSL. Consistent! Too bad they're 38th in defense. Kind of feels like that may come back to bite them in the playoffs, right?

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 46-44

Did Scott Seniors Starting implode exactly like we predicted they would? Well, they're a narrow Bullet Club loss away from a five-game losing streak to end the season, so yes, we'll say we got that one right. But Scotty is STILL the highest scoring QB in his division at 35.3 PPG, so let's not blame him?

#16 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Did Not Play (forfeit win)

After a Get Schwifty forfeit to end their regular season, Bullet Club finished with seven wins, which... look, we didn't go back and check the stats because it's exhausting, but we'd guess that's as many wins as they've had in maybe the last four seasons combined. It's been a rough stretch for this once powerful team. Good to see not only are they back in contention again, but they're doing it with Jeff Easton, franchise leader in every passing category (yes, probably picks too).

#17 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me

Last Week: Beat 716 34-26, beat Can't Touch This 28-21

Mountain Dew Me was barely on our radar a couple weeks ago, but now we can't remember why. They lost to 716 by a single point a few weeks ago. Had they converted one more 2-point attempt, they'd be on an eight-game winning streak right now. Sorry for not noticing you, Cody! We got there eventually...

#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Mountain Dew Me 28-21, beat Scott Seniors Starting 46-44

Last season Can't Touch This "figured out" the co-ed touch football game partway through the season and went on a tear through D4. This session they're still doing "fine" in D3, if you consider a 4-5 record and the 29th best offense in the TSL fine, but no one is more gifted than Ryan Dougherty, so we can't help but feel like they should be a little bit better.

#19 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Itches and Ohs 41-31

Practice Squad was THE team to beat in D4, and now they've officially finished in last place in the D3 standings this session. That probably proves that there's a BIT of a talent gap between divisions, right? Keep that in mind next time you're complaining about how your team's QB isn't ranked higher than the guys with losing records in divisions above him! But we digress. B, you're a wonderful QB and you'll figure this out. But you're not winning D3 this session.

#20 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Beat Cunning Stunts 56-40

This was the signature win that Travis Henry's Kids have been waiting for all session. With their season on the line and facing elimination, John Langley played the game of his life and beat the undefeated Cunning Stunts. Oh, the Stunts will still be favorites against THK in the playoffs this week and rightfully so, but John is ready to flip the script on his "playoff choker" narrative and surprise some people.

#21 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week: Beat TOX 30-12

Since their humbling 31-0 loss to Buffalo Vice, Zack Attack have gone 3-0 and won by a combined 117-32. They have absolutely murdered ILF, Cobblestone and TOX. They won't be THE favorite in the D4 playoffs this session, but they're not far behind.

#22 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro

Last Week: Lost to DILFS 42-29

Buffalo Vice Retro lost again for sixth time this season, but the offense didn't look half bad against DILFS. Sure, DILFS have one of the worst defenses in the division, but that's still a veteran team that Seth played well against. We're under no illusions that they won't get smoked by the Freeballers this week, but you never know!

#23 Ryan Henry - TMA

Last Week: Beat Today's Feast 48-40

Can you imagine if TMA had lost a third game in a row?? Fortunately, you don't have to, as they beat Today's Feast by a single score and finished the season 7-2 with the #1 seed and a first-round bye. Yes, TMA is still the team to beat in D5, but a few weeks ago they were untouchable, and now they're simply very good. Let's see what version of them shows up on October 22nd.

#24 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 41-31

After a week out of our Top 25 Steve Moser is officially back, having defeating Practice Squad after tying them earlier in the season. Itches narrowly beat out Get Schwifty to avoid having the lowest scoring offense in D3 this session. A very un-Moser like session. Maybe they've been holding back for the playoffs?

#25 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week: Lost Mountain Dew Me 34-26

716 is third in their division in the standings, but it's worth pointing out that they're actually outscoring both of the "better" teams ahead of them (Bullet Club and Mountain Dew Me). They're loaded with talent and very capable of beating anyone over the next couple of weeks. We almost wrote "capable of upsetting anyone", but then we decided it wouldn't feel like much of an "upset" if 716 won.

***

Division by Division Review

For our final stats review of the season, we're going to show you the following:

The breakdown of best offenses, defenses and net point differentials per division. As always, stats below have removed forfeit games from the math, so what you see on the charts may not match the website (intentionally). We tried to color each team's data by their official jersey colors, but half this league apparently uses black so it's not perfect.
A graph of average point differentials per game for each division with a similar "Favorites, Contenders, Pretenders" logic we've used in previous seasons (if you're winning games by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Favorite in green; if you're losing by an average of 7+ PPG, you're a Pretender in red; all other teams are yellow in the middle; these are not OUR judgments on who falls into each category, it's strictly based on the math of your team's point differentials). For what it's worth, in the last four seasons that we've been showing these graphs, we've had 15 eventual division champions classified as "Favorites", 9 as "Contenders", and exactly zero as "Pretenders" (although Woodpeckers last session was pretty close!)
A quick twitter sized recap of the division heading into playoffs, and then identifying which teams are "overrated" and "underrated" in each group. Note that these last two categories are based purely on what we see in the scores and stats, NOT our own personal feelings of players on each team (we might personally think TMA is overrated, but if the underlying numbers say their team is underrated, that's where we'll include them below) so TRY not to be offended thinking the "website is being mean". We're just reading numbers off a website, man. Relax.

And away we go!

Division 1

The Headline: Two great teams are expected to meet in the Finals, two others are hoping to crash the party, while the other three are all longshots.

Underrated: It would be easy to say Tight Ends in Motion are the most underrated team in the division since they have by far the best point differential in the entire LEAGUE despite being a #2 seed in their own division. But they also lost to a D2 team last week and Legends the week before that, so as far as momentum goes, they are ice cold at the moment.

Instead, we'll take Scared Hitless as the most underrated team in D1. Were they a great squad this session? They were not. But they weren't "last place in their division" bad either. Four of their six losses were by one score, and they were at far less than full strength in another. To have a shot in any division you have to be able to hang with the best teams, and Scared Hitless lost to Legends by 8, Sticky Bandits by 7, and Eyes Downtown by 10. They were only truly outclassed in one horrific defeat against Tight Ends in Motion (who of course they play in the first round this weekend). Assuming they're at full strength, as most teams tend to be for playoffs, who knows?

Overrated: Last season three of the four teams in D1 had equally potent offenses but Legends separated itself from the pack with its dominating defense. This session the returning champs are only fourth in their division defensively and third in the division in total point differential, despite having the best record. Yes, there's something to be said for winning close games, but their one loss was a BIG one when they lost by 31 to Tight Ends in Motion. Are they "overrated"? Only if you consider them a heavy favorite (which they're not).

No, for our most overrated team in D1 we'll take Eyes Downtown. They have the second-best point differential in their division (sixth in the League) and they're the #4 seed in the D1 bracket which would actually imply they're UNDER rated... but they've also padded their stats by murdering teams in games that were already over. The combined score of their three games against Buffalo Vice Retro, Passed Our Prime without its starting QB, and a bad game by the Sticky Bandits was 150-32. Take those games away and their point differential on the season drops from +108 to -10. They should win their first-round matchup, but are they going to beat two of the other teams above them in the standings back-to-back? We wouldn't bet on it.

Division 2

The Headline: Two great super-teams are expected to battle for the D2 Championship, with four others hoping for major upsets along the way. The Replacements are also here.

Underrated: You already know they're great, but can we just remind people for the 10,000th time in this article that No Punt Intended is STILL undefeated against their own division with their starting QB present? We'll copy and paste this from the QB Rankings above: "No Punt Intended's only two losses this season were a D1 crossover in their very first game as a team, and the week that Kyle wasn't in town". Take away those two games (and of course a forfeit win over Untouchaballs which isn't included in the numbers above anyway) and their point differential per game rises from +8.13 PDPG to a whopping +18.8 PDPG... which would be the best in the entire TSL. You know they're great and you're STILL underrating them.

Overrated: Freeballers are third in the D2 standings which sounds like they should have a decent chance to compete for a championship... until you remember that their stats are padded by a 61-0 annihilation of The Replacements and a forfeit win over Untouchaballs. They have two actual wins on the season not counting those games, both of which came against the DILFS, and a -7.2 PDPG if we toss out the Replacements massacre (which would drop them into "pretender" status on the chart above). They'll probably beat Buffalo Vice Retro this weekend in our opinion... but that'll be the last game they win this session.

We Don't Know What The Hell They Are: We didn't include them in either Overrated or Underrated above, but let's take a second to talk about the Untouchaballs, who had one of the weirdest seasons in recent memory. Are they overrated? Underrated? We still have no idea! They took two forfeit losses this season, another loss to Buffalo Vice Retro when Travis subbed at QB, another loss in a D1 Crossover game to TEIM, and they were the only team to play The Replacements twice. Those last two games don't count (we don't mean to kick them when they're down, but the Replacements are not currently a competitive team in D2) so that means Untouchaballs only played three competitive games this session against teams they might meet again in the playoffs. They've beaten a full-strength Buffalo Vice Retro by 18, lost to Frodo Swaggins by 2, and lost to DILFS by 2. What are we supposed to make of that?? The Untouchaballs could make the Finals and it wouldn't shock us. They could get wiped out in the first round and it wouldn't shock us. Your guess is as good as ours.

Division 3

The Headline: The TSL's most wide-open division by far. No dominant teams and no trash teams means anything can (and probably will) happen.

Underrated: How are we going to pick overrated and underrated teams in D3?? The best team in this division is winning by +8.3 PDPG. The worst team is losing by -6.4 PDPG, only 14.7 PDPG worse than the best team. Here's how that compares to other divisions, graphing the difference between the best and worst teams in each instance:

We modeled D2 with and without The Replacements because they're really throwing the comparison off in that division. So, what's the point of this graph? Essentially the taller the bar, the wider the gap between the best and worst teams in the division. And D3 is the shortest bar, which means it's the tightest division top to bottom. With so many relatively even teams it's going to be splitting hairs to declare one "overrated" or "underrated", but we'll take a shot at this anyway...

The most underrated team in D3 is Practice Squad. Why? Because they're a #8 seed going up against a #1 seed this weekend that they've already played well against twice this season. Practice Squad started the season with a 28-18 win against Mountain Dew Me, and then lost the very next week to the same opponent by a score of 33-32. You think they're going to feel intimidated going up against a team they could easily be 2-0 against? And what happens if they play well again and knock off the top team in their division? The confidence boost could carry them to a second consecutive Finals game. Look, we're not saying it's likely (Mountain Dew Me has improved tremendously since those first couple weeks) but we wouldn't give ANY division's lowest seeded playoff team better odds to win their division than Practice Squad.

Overrated: Again, same story as above (if there aren't a lot of truly underrated teams, you won't see a lot of truly overrated teams) but we'll take Scott Senior's Starting as the most overrated team here based solely on their recent trend. As we said in the QB Rankings above, they're a narrow Bullet Club loss away from a five-game losing streak to end the season, and they've surrendered an average of 37.8 PPG defensively over that stretch. That's not the type of momentum you want right now going into the playoffs.

Division 4

The Headline: In a division with several solid teams vying for a title, Cunning Stunts and Puckett All-Stars stand above the rest, with Zack Attack lurking as a dark horse.

Underrated: Stunts and Puckett will grab the headlines, but isn't Zack Attack just about as good? The graph above says all three teams should be considered among the favorites, and if we look at the details of Zack's season the game that really stands out is the 31-0 loss to Buffalo Vice back a few weeks ago. We're not sure if they were missing people that day or if they just played like shit, but for whatever reason it SEEMS like more of a fluke than anything else. Remove that one poor performance from their season and they would be +16.6 PDPG, far and away the best in their division. Yes, we know that EVERY team's numbers would look better if you threw out their worst game, so take that with a grain of salt, but we don't believe that "losing by 31" version of Zack Attack is the squad that's going to show up on Saturday against Vaspian (a team they beat 51-22 in the regular season).

Overrated: The Interdimensional Lightning Falcons started the season 3-0 and looked strong right out of the gate. Then two things happened: 1) they lost their starting QB Joe Miano at some point mid-season and have relied on sub QBs ever since, and 2) the standings started to take shape and it turned out that the three teams they beat to start the season ended up being the three worst teams in the division. That means that ILF is only 2-5 against playoff teams, and one of those wins was by a single point against #8 seeded Travis Henry's Kids. Not the stuff to inspire them with confidence of a deep playoff run! No word if Miano is coming back for playoffs, but that might be their only hope at this point.

Division 5

The Headline: TMA vs Come From Behind will be playing for the championship barring a massive choke job by one (or both) of them.

Underrated: Passing While Intoxicated has the most average record you can possibly have in a nine-game season (4-4-1) but they're slightly above average in offense (3rd), defense (2nd) and point differential per game (3rd) in their division. There's no one glaring weakness to this team that should hold them back in the playoffs, PLUS they have now beaten the two favorites in their division in back-to-back weeks to end the season. If that doesn't inspire confidence in your team, nothing will.

Overrated: They might be the best team in D5, but TMA is also the most overrated at the moment. They're the #1 seed in the standings but if we look at the stats their only real strength is offense. Come From Behind has a better point differential, and both Come From Behind AND Passing While Intoxicated have fewer points against per game. It also doesn't help that their last three games have been a loss to Woodpeckers, a loss to Passing While Intoxicated, and a one score win over 5th place Today's Feast.

Division 6

The Headline: Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg SHOULD meet in the D6 Finals, but both have proven capable of losing to any of the lower seeds.

Underrated: Punt Cakes is 2-7 and in last place in their division, but after we throw out their one forfeit loss, they're only -4 on the season. Not -4 points per game, -4 points in total. Two of their last three games were encouraging too, as they beat Two Tuddies by 36 and then came one point away from upsetting top seeded Not So Sticky (their second one point loss to the #1 seeded team this season). Yes, we know they got absolutely smoked by Superior Moser Squad last week 60-22 and yes, we know that that's their first-round matchup this week... we're not saying these guys are going to win the championship, just that they look better than a 2-7 last-place team!

Overrated: We'll give you two overrated teams here, and would you look at that, it's both of the top seeded teams. Yes, the graph says Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg are much better than the rest of their division... but both of those numbers are heavily skewed by a few good games against Lenny's Ladies. Not So Sticky outscored the Ladies 106-34 in two games this session, and Blitzkrieg had a 47-0 game of their own against them. Throw those games out and Not So Sticky drops from +12.4 PDPG to +5.7 PDPG, and Blitzkrieg from +10.0 PDPG to +4.1 PDPG. Still the top two in their division, sure, but barely ahead of Superior Moser Squad. And here's something else Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg have in common: with the exception of a Punt Cakes forfeit to Blitzkrieg (the two teams never actually played each other), both the top teams played every other co-ed team in their division to a one-score game at some point in the season. They're winners for sure... but ripe for playoff upsets.

***

The Ten Best/Worst Teams in the TSL

The division analysis above is the real meat and potatoes of this article, but in case you're curious how you stack up against teams in OTHER divisions, here are the top ten (and bottom ten) teams in the entire TSL for offensive points per game, defensive points per game, and average point differential per game. As always, forfeit games are excluded:

What did we learn from this?? For starters, scoring is up from last session, probably due to the better weather we've had (no rainy days means higher scoring). Last session teams averaged 28.6 PPG and this session they're averaging 30.1 PPG. Last session we had zero teams average over 40 PPG and this session we have one over 40 and one over 50! Last session we had four teams allow under 20 PPG defensively, and this session we had none.

We also learned that Tight Ends in Motion were pretty good, and the Replacements and TOX were not so good. Actually no, it's unfair of us to put the Replacements and TOX in the same sentence, with TOX averaging one more touchdown for and also one fewer touchdown against per game. The Replacements were in a class of their own. Please do a lower division next session, Replacements, and work your way up! You have good athletes, you really do, but D2 is a brutal place to start.

Cunning Stunts have won the scoring title for the second season in a row with 50.1 PPG. We're not sure what the "record" is, but here are the last several seasons worth of scoring champs, and no one has broken 50 PPG for at least the past few years:

***

All-Time Championship Statistics

Last session we compiled a list of every TSL champion in League history and devised a ranking system to see who the "best teams of all time" were. This was exhausting to research and put together, but very simple to update once a session, so that's what we've done here. The timing feels right to update this now JUST before playoffs so we can remind you what you're chasing here... co-ed football immortality. Here are the current immortals:

And THEN we attempted to compare the relative strength of each division's championships (a D2 title is harder to win than a D4 title) and this is what we came up with:

A D1 championship is our baseline since it's the best a team can do. Let's make that worth 100 points.
A D2 title is worth, at BEST, 49% of that, since two D2 titles don't quite equal a D1 title (you can argue it should be LESS than 49%, but we've made the choice to weight lower divisions as heavily as reasonably possible here). 49 points for a D2 title.
A D3 title should be worth 49% of THAT, so about 24 points for each D3 championship.
Every subsequent division is worth 49% of the previous one, so D4 is worth 11 points, D5 is worth 5 points, and D6 is worth 2 points.

It's an arbitrary system but it's the one we chose. So here is the updated list of your "greatest champions of all time" going into the Fall 2022 playoffs:

No one is going to catch Public Enemy at the top any time soon, but Tight Ends can vault into 3rd place all-time with a D1 championship, Legends or Eyes Downtown would jump to a tie for 4th place (Eyes Downtown would be 2nd if we combined their stats with 123 Gawron, who may or may not be the same team), and Sticky Bandits could move up to 7th place (and become the first team in TSL history to win four different divisions). We've highlighted EVERY active team on the chart above (3rd & Schlong = Scott Seniors Starting, we assume) so you can see which existing champions have the chance to move up in our All-Time chart.

Bottom line, people remember champions, not the teams who come in second place, so immortality can only be found by winning it all. Good luck!

***

That's it for this YEAR! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? you think an "analytics-based article" should offer some kind of prediction on eventual division champs? you hated the reminder that The Tommy Hughes Experience has won more championships than you?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

WEEK 7 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08; Published: Thursday, 06 October 2022 16:08; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 3283

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

This week we have your Top 25 Quarterbacks "Haiku edition" and your Division All-Stars. Enjoy!

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Lost to Legends 36-30

Bro finally lost,

We blame it on his brother,

Tight Ends still in first.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Tight Ends in Motion 36-30 (Legends), beat ILF 53-36 (Stunts)

Legends beat Tight Ends,

Stunts are highest scoring team,

Why isn't Batts first?

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Lost to Sticky Bandits 36-24

Four game streak is done,

Eyes Downtown lose to Bandits,

Where was Delecki?

#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat Eyes Downtown 36-24

Big win for Sticky,

First win against top tier team.

Finals bound again?

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Beat No Punt Intended 51-12

Frodo back on top,

Beats shorthanded NPI,

Finals will be sweet.

#6 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Did Not Play

No Conniff this week,

NPI sucks without him,

Fantastic with him.

#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week: Did Not Play

Replacements forfeit,

a massacre averted,

Hogan gets a win!

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Tied Grey Hair - Don't Care 33-33

Grey Hair and Hitless,

Tied in their game and standings,

Which team is better?

#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Tied Scared Hitless 33-33

Grey Hair and Hitless,

Tied in their game and standings,

Which team is better?

(What, we can't use the same Haiku twice?)

#10 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice Retro 37-36

One win since August,

and it was The Replacements.

Who saw this coming?

#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat Travis Henry's Kids 48-19

Taverna's a stud,

Puckett killing everyone,

Vince for MVP

#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers

Last Week: Beat DILFS 34-32

Freeballers balling,

Dylan's so underrated,

Can he win playoffs??

#13 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week: Lost to Vaspian 27-18

Vaspian beat Nick??

Spinelli's should have crushed them,

Not sure what happened.

#14 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS

Last Week: Lost to Freeballers 34-32

DILFS are three and five,

Tough to win without defense.

Travis or Dubey??

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week: Did Not Play

No Scotty this week,

Scott Senior should be starting!

It's the damn team's name!!

#16 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 34-25, beat Can't Touch This 39-26

A win and a loss,

Bullet Club leads division

for first time in years.

#17 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Beat 716 37-28

Congrats to the Squad,

six game winless streak's over!

Try to build on that...

#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Lost to Bullet Club 39-26, lost to Get Schwifty 46-8

Ryan missing girls,

Tough to win so shorthanded,

even with that arm.

#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week: Beat ILF 39-8, beat Cobblestone 48-12

Eighty-seven points,

That's a hell of a day Zack,

But we hate your shirts.

#20 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro

Last Week: Did Not Play

No Seth at the fields,

Buff Vice Retro wins with sub.

Who wears short shorts? Seth!

#21 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Beat Woodpeckers 26-14

D5 up for grabs,

Come From Behind tied for lead!

Suck it, TMA

#22 Ryan Henry - TMA

Last Week: Lost to Passing While Intoxicated 24-14

That's two in a row,

what's going on TMA?

Don't choke for playoffs...

#23 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me

Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 42-25

McGregors are fast,

McGregors are winning games,

Watch out Bullet Club.

#24 Derek Pew - 716

Last Week: Lost to Practice Squad 37-28, beat Get Schwifty 27-16

Derek or Dylan,

Which one is the real QB?

Either can win games.

#25 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 47-20, lost to Puckett All-Stars 48-19

Two losses for John,

Distracted by the Ravens

upcoming failure.

***

Division All-Star Teams

We've been doing this for a few seasons now and we like the concept, so your TSL Division All-Stars are back! Here's how it works:

We selected a team of 10 players from each division. Teams had to have one designated QB, at least five other male players, and at least three female players. The tenth spot could be either male or female depending on the strength of each particular division.
Every division must have at least one All-Star from EACH team in the division. After each team gets their minimum one representative, we'll fill out the rest of the roster however we want. We TRY to spread this out so please don't write us an email asking why your team didn't have five all-stars.
If a player plays in more than one division, they are only eligible for the highest division they play in, UNLESS it's for a different position (i.e. Jeremy Burr is eligible as both a receiver in D1 and a quarterback in D2, but Amber Hay is only eligible as a receiver in D1 and not D2). This came up a LOT. If you're wondering why you didn't make the All-Star team in the lower division you play in, please remember, you were never eligible... Especially Cunning Stunts, who have the best roster in D4 and yet NONE of them were eligible because they all play for other teams in higher divisions.
This is not strictly a ranking of who the "best" player is on each team. You might see an athlete from one team make our list over a teammate that was higher than him or her on our Male/Female Rankings from the past couple of weeks. We're just looking for the best combination of players to fill out a team, and we'll take into account ALL that player offers when making our choices. For example, Derek Bongiovanni was rated more highly than Kyle Conniff on our Male Players list from last week, but if we think we'd get more out of Kyle's leadership and defense, we might choose him over Derek.

So that's how it works. It'll all be subjective of course so try not to get too excited when you don't see your name below. These are the best combination of All-Star teams WE could think of given the rules above. If you think you can do better, feel free to send us yours at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and we'll be happy to argue.

Oh, and the names within each category (male players vs female players) are arranged alphabetically by last name, so don't read anything into the order, they're not ranked best to worst.

Here are your Division All-Star Teams:

***

That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? two weeks in a row without a graph?? your feelings are hurt that we excluded your best friend from the Division All-Stars?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

WEEK 5 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 22 September 2022 17:28; Published: Thursday, 22 September 2022 17:28; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 5876

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

We have graphs, we have an expanded TOP 25 for our QB Rankings, and we have our very official, VERY serious "Best TSLers at the Bar" rankings.

Enjoy!

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Beat Legends 47-16, beat Grey Hair - Don't Care 38-8

The last time Bro was #1 in the Power Rankings was September 22nd 2021... Exactly one year ago today. You can't make this shit up folks. Tight Ends destroyed Legends and Grey Hair to completely flip the story in D1. This is TEIM's season, and the most underrated QB in TSL history has them undefeated through the first five weeks.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 50-42, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 47-16 (Legends), beat Zack Attack 51-48 (Stunts)

Legends lost, and lost badly on Saturday, which means the reign of Battaglia on top of the Power Rankings is over for now. Chris Cole remains the only QB to ever go wire-to-wire as #1 in our Rankings for a whole season (wayyy back in Spring 2019). Joey DID score 50+ in two other games on Saturday so not a terrible day all things considered.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 44-15

Bobby got a measure of revenge against the Sticky Bandits for ending his Spring session a few months ago by crushing them by nearly 30 points on Saturday. The top three teams in the D1 standings are averaging 41.5 PPG (TEIM) and 39.0 PPG (Eyes Downtown and Legends) and they have now all played against each other, with Eyes Downtown going 0-2 against those teams... and 4-0 against everyone else.

#4 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 43-41 (D1 Crossover game)

If there was a D2 team that was going to win a D1 Crossover game, it was always going to be Frodo Swaggins. The "D1.5" squad Garrett assembled barely squeaked by Passed Our Prime on Saturday, but they have to feel confident about the rest of their schedule, playoffs included. No Punt Intended might be the only threat to their undefeated season... and would you look at that, they play each other this week.

#5 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 44-15

While there's no shame in losing to Eyes Downtown, we were shocked to see a Mike Thomas offense (even one missing a good chunk of its players) score only 15 points on Saturday. This is the QB that nearly led the League in scoring last session. Sticky Bandits are now 0-3 against the "Big Three" D1 teams this session, but to be fair they lost to all the top teams LAST session also, and still made the D1 Finals.

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week: Lost to Frodo Swaggins 43-41 (D2 Crossover game)

We're not sure who the underdog was in the Frodo vs Passed Our Prime game last week since Frodo is practically a D1 team (terrible luck of the draw on scheduling for P.O.P. there) but Hogan certainly delivered, scoring 41 points in a near win. Stop us if you've heard this one before, but Passed Our Prime is third worst in the entire TSL in defense, behind only the Replacements and Buffalo Vice.

#7 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Beat Freeballers 54-29, beat DILFS 36-21

No Punt Intended is still undefeated against their own division with their only loss coming in their season opening D1 Crossover game. Their defense has improved after a shaky start, and their offense is #2 in the entire TSL behind only Cunning Stunts. What will Kyle do when/if NPI upsets Frodo in the Finals and moves up to D1?

#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Lost to DILFS 48-46

Forty-six points really ought to be enough to win any game (we're sure Zack Attack would agree). The Untouchaballs defense couldn't support Burr and their offense though and the team dropped to 2-3 on the season with No Punt Intended awaiting them this week. Untouchaballs still has the talent to win D2, but momentum is not on their side this season.

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Legends 50-42

It seems like the same story every week - Scared Hitless plays well, then barely loses to an elite team. Dylan STILL has yet to lose a game by more than one score this session. We suspect they're not going to get great betting odds from the Godfather's playoff preview in a few weeks, which is fair, but we wouldn't be shocked to see them go on a run.

#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 38-8

8 points isn't very good, Dave! Then again Legends didn't do a whole lot better against that Tight Ends in Motion defense, so maybe not a great opponent to judge yourself against. Grey Hair is currently last in their division in offense and point differential per game. Still, we admire their guts for jumping up to D1 when so many would have been afraid to try it. They're not far off these other teams.

#11 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS

Last Week: Beat Untouchaballs 48-46, lost to No Punt Intended 36-21

We gave up Dubey's spot to Travis this week, because he's essentially the starter every week now when QB1 doesn't show up. 48 points in a win against last season's D3 champs, and a two-score loss against red hot No Punt Intended... Not a bad performance for QB2!

#12 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat TOX 46-12

Puckett All-Stars are sixth in the TSL in scoring at 40.3 PPG and second in their division behind only Cunning Stunts. We could be seeing a playoff preview this week when TJ and team face off against the one-loss Interdimensional Lightning Falcons.

#13 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716

Last Week: Did Not Play

Haven't seen much of Dylan this session. Where is this guy?

#14 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week: Beat Travis Henry's Kids 54-30

Puckett All-Stars gets a slight edge over Spinelli's in our Power Rankings on account of their better record, but Spinelli's DOES have a slightly better points per game at the moment (40.7 PPG, fifth in the TSL). Nick's lead should only get wider this weekend too after Spinelli's takes on Cobblestone.

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week: Lost to Get Schwifty 29-14, lost to Mountain Dew Me 34-16

If this is the start of Scott Seniors Starting's usual mid-season downturn... well, it's predictably RIGHT on schedule. Losses to Mountain Dew Me and previously winless Get Schwifty are hard to explain otherwise, unless Scotty was missing half his team. S.S.S. is 18th in the TSL in scoring but somehow still 1st in their division? D3 must be more defense heavy this season, apparently.

#16 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro

Last Week: Beat the Replacements 35-6, beat Freeballers 20-13

Buffalo Vice Retro wins! Buffalo Vice Retro wins! Seth led his team to not one but two victories this week, against... okay, the Replacements probably doesn't mean as much, but Freeballers is a quality win! Good to see this team put up some W's after a tough start to the season.

#17 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 38-32

Can't Touch This is square in the middle of the D3 standings right now with a 2-2 record and a -8 point differential on the season. A win over Itches and Ohs this week won't pull them even with Bullet Club, but it COULD put them at #2 in the division with just a couple weeks to play. Ryan only got better throughout Spring session - if he keeps improving this Fall in D3, Can't Touch This could be a real contender.

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 38-32

The wheels have fallen off for Practice Squad. Just one season after being unstoppable, the same core of people now has the 30th best offense and 32nd best defense in the TSL. We know it's a big jump from D4 to D3, but Can't Touch This seems to be managing it...

#19 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Beat 716 46-26

We probably should have been ranking Jeff for weeks, but his early attendance/injury issues made us unsure who was actually going to QB for Bullet Club this session. Well, it's Jeff, and he's spectacular. Bullet Club continues their improbable undefeated season and Easton is a major part of it (with credit where credit is due to John Langley... see our graphs below!)

#20 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week: Lost to Cunning Stunts 51-48

Zack Elphick scored 48 in a losing effort and the Attack JUST missed out on the Top Ten offenses in the TSL this week at 37.2 PPG. Their two losses this season are by a combined four points, so it's safe to say these guys have been "competitive" this season.

#21 Ryan Henry - TMA

Last Week: Beat Come From Behind 43-22, beat Let's Get Reccked 36-20

Finally, the disrespect ends for TMA as we include a long overdue Ryan Henry in our Power Rankings this session. Or one could argue the disrespect continues that we're not rating him higher despite being the top offense in D5 (and tenth best in the TSL). TMA is undefeated and nearly doubling the next best team in their division in point differential per game. This is what we call a "playoff favorite".

#22 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Lost to TMA 43-22, beat Today's Feast 26-18

Come From Behind's only two losses this session have come against TMA and... TMA. These teams are definitely meeting in the D5 finals, right? We can't imagine anyone else stopping Paul at this point.

#23 Joe Miano - Interdimensional Lighning Falcons

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Interdimensional Lightning Joe last week.

#24 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me

Last Week: Beat Scott Seniors Starting 34-16

Full disclaimer: all the McGregor's look exactly the same to us, so we're not sure who's throwing for Mountain Dew Me. We'll assume it's still Cody, the man once described by his captain as "the youngest of the four brothers, made from the leftovers. Fueled by bud light and mcchicken sandwiches. He was moved from receiver to QB due to lack of speed in his legs but makes up for it with power in his arm".

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week: Beat Get Schwifty 22-12

Itches has always been one of those "Passed Our Prime" type teams where the offense carries the defense, and when they win it's usually a 43-42 shootout where their girls score about five TDs. Interestingly this season though their offense is seventh in their division while their defense is fifth, and their last two games they've given up only 25 points. About time Steve got a little help from the other side!

***

A couple weeks ago we showed a graph of the best offenses in the League by division. It was interesting (at least to us, maybe you hate graphs) but it only tells half the story. Offense really doesn't mean a thing if your team is allowing 45 points per game on defense. The best way to understand overall team performance is point differential per game - so that's what we've graphed this week.

Positive differentials (average points scored per week are greater than average points allowed) are shown in green while negative differentials are shown in pink. We didn't label each bar with the actual number because it looks too "busy" with all that data distracting from the visual, but you can get a sense of where your team is relative to others around the League.

So what did that tell us about each division?

D1 was pretty much viewed as a two team race between Legends and Tight Ends in Motion coming into last week, but Legends is actually only third in point differential per game (PDPG). Tight Ends are crushing the rest of the League at +22.5 PDPG, while Eyes Downtown are second in D1 (and third in the League) at +16.3 PDPG. Of course, this is all pretty skewed by Tight Ends kicking Legends' ass this past week, but that's how it always goes with this type of data. Outside of the "Big Three" there's not much difference between the other four teams in D1 statistically.

Two things stand out in D2: there are two great teams that are much better than the rest... and one team that is losing by nearly 40 points per game. Untouchaballs, Freeballers and to a lesser degree DILFS are all kind of mediocre, but Frodo Swaggins and No Punt Intended are just a mile ahead right now. Poor Replacements... that is one long pink bar on the graph.

Undefeated Bullet Club having the best PDPG in D3 isn't a surprise. What IS a bit surprising to us is that 716 was second. They're showing as sixth in the standings right now, but that's mostly a product of them only playing four games so far this year, apparently. D3 doesn't seem to have any truly "bad" teams this session as it has the narrowest gap between the best team and the worst team in a division (19 PDPG). If you're looking for playoff upsets, this seems to be where you're going to find them.

Cunning Stunts has the best record in D4 but the gap between their point differentials and Zack Attacks and Pucketts is next to nothing. The TOP of this division is more balanced than any other in the League, although there's a clear drop-off after the best three teams.

D5 is clearly TMA's to lose. Come From Behind is the ONLY other team with a positive point differential, and they've already lost to TMA twice this session (once by a point and once by, well, much more than a point). Every other team in the division... we don't want to say they have ZERO chance in the playoffs because anything can happen (just ask Travis Henry's Kids last year!) but the odds are quite low that anyone other than TMA or Come From Behind will be hoisting a D5 trophy at the banquet this year.

Blitzkrieg is the #1 team in the D6 standings but somehow only #3 in the graph behind Not So Sticky and Superior Moser Squad. Like D3 and D4, this division seems open to just about anyone. If you toss out Not So Sticky's biggest win of the season over a short-handed Lenny's Ladies team, the best team in the division would be Superior Moser Squad... with only +4.8 PDPG. No one's running away with the D6 title this season!

And just because we like making graphs, here's one more for this week:

***

How about that "Best Female Players in the League" ranking last week? Pretty spot on, right? Okay, no one EVER agrees with those things and it's impossible to get a real consensus. Having said that, OUR biggest pet peeve is when people say "that list was so fucked up" without offering a better one. Think you know better than we do? Prove it and send us YOUR rankings. It's not easy!

But in the spirit of "easy" rankings, here's a much lighter, much less controversial ranking for this week - We give you... the Best TSLers at the Bar (active players only)

10. Buddy Lee

9. Kelly Liddle

8. Jenna Blachura

7. John Langley

6. Darryl Carr

5. Jeremy Streit

4. Joe K

3. Ricky Recckio

2. Dave Walter

1. Garrett Beesing

"What about Zack Attack??? What about Katie and Stegs, what about Steph, what about the Clarkes, what about TOPPER?"

Yeah. We've got a lot of great bar people that make Saturdays fun for all of us. We could have easily done a Top Fifty. What a League!

***

What? You hated that list, but didn't email us to make suggestions? Don't make that mistake again!! Email us at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and TELL US who you think we should include on our next list. Or don't, and live with our shitty opinions. This is what's next (and it's a big one!):

September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced

***

That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Graphs should have more number labels on them? Come From Behind and TMA deserved better on the Best TSLers at the Bar list?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

WEEK 6 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 29 September 2022 20:23; Published: Thursday, 29 September 2022 20:23; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 4571

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

We don't have a graph for you today, but we do have your Top 25 QBs in the TSL and FINALLY our definitive rankings of the Top 25 Male Players (Non-QB) as well. Get ready to hate it!

#1 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 44-14

Tight Ends in Motion are winning by an average of 23.6 PPG, far and away the best in the League. And these are great teams they're beating! Bro remains the unquestioned #1 in the Power Rankings this week with #2 Joey Batts and Legends on deck for Saturday.

#2 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat TOX 69-16 (Stunts)

With Legends having the week off, Joey must have decided to score two teams worth of points in one Cunning Stunts game, dropping 69 on poor TOX. The Stunts are one of only two undefeated teams left in the League (excluding Breakfast Club) and Joey can narrow that list down to one by beating Tight Ends this weekend.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Passed Our Prime 52-17

It's a shame that Eyes Downtown lost to both Legends and Tight Ends in Motion this year, because they've absolutely murdered everybody else. Bobby is winning by an average of nearly 23 PPG excluding his two biggest rivals. Eyes Downtown are one of only six teams in the league averaging over 40 PPG on offense.

#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Beat The Replacements 49-14

There's not much to learn about a QB from destroying the worst team in the division below him, but Mike Thomas goes up in the Power Rankings anyway with a Frodo Swaggins loss. The Sticky Bandits ended their three-game losing streak (all to the QBs above Mike in the Rankings) to get a much-needed win going into the ladder match weeks.

#5 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Beat Frodo Swaggins 38-12

No Punt Intended have played six games in the last three weeks (including a forfeit win over Untouchaballs) and now own the best record, best point differential, best offense and best defense in D2. No one was picking these guys as division favorites before the season (to be fair, no one even knew who they were). But Kyle is now leading the #1 team in his division and jumps to #5 in our Power Rankings.

#6 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Beat Buffalo Vice Retro 29-0, lost to No Punt Intended 38-12

Seems unfair to drop two spots in the Power Rankings the same week you win a game 29-0, but that's where Garrett finds himself this week. Frodo may still be the best team in their division at full strength, but that loss to No Punt Intended showed that it's no longer a one-team race for the D2 championship. Tune in at 10 am this week for the rematch!

#7 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week: Did Not Play

Happy birthday Hogan... Hopefully your family threw you a better party than Eyes Downtown! Yeah, we know, Hogan wasn't there last week so his team lost without him. The reigning D2 champs still have only one win on the season way back in August, but we suspect they'll earn another this week against The Replacements.

#8 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Did Not Play

Untouchaballs biggest rivals this season are apparently their own players' social lives, as they forfeited their second game of the season due to off-field conflicts. Their only win since August has been against The Replacements (the third time their name has come up in this article so far). Burr still has the talent and the players to make noise in the playoffs, but you'd like to see them get a signature win at some point.

#9 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 44-14

We keep writing every week about how Scared Hitless is RIGHT in it every week and how they hadn't lost by more than a score all season. Well, they lost by 30 on Saturday, but that'll happen against the best team in the League. The ladder match weeks should be kinder to Dylan, who could easily still finish 4-5 before playoffs.

#10 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for Grey Hair last week, but they must be excited about playing Scared Hitless this week, as it's the only D1 team they've beaten so far this season.

#11 Vince Taverna - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 50-35

We've been mistakenly giving credit to four-time TSL champion (and one-time D4 MVP) T.J. Ferguson in this spot the last few weeks. Turns out it's actually Vince Taverna of All We Do is Quinn fame that's throwing for Puckett this season. Fifty points against ILF Vince, not too bad.

#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716

Last Week: Beat Scott Seniors Starting 55-46, beat Mountain Dew Me 29-28 (716)

Can we just say Dylan is the starter for 716 now??? It feels like he goes in every time there's trouble. 84 points, two wins, that's a good weekend. 716 is now the highest scoring team in D3 at 34.5 PPG.

#13 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week: Beat Cobblestone 62-34

Spinelli's has stolen the title of "League's highest scoring non-gender team" from Tight Ends in Motion this week with a 62 point blasting of Cobblestone. 43.7 PPG is huge. And yet somehow these guys are still only third in their division?

#14 Travis Cleavenger - DILFS

Last Week: Did Not Play

Travis is a backup QB that didn't even play this past weekend, and yet we keep him ranked (though down a few spots this week) because of his fill-in work for DILFS.

#15 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week: Did Not Play

OH NO IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! The team name is new, but the collapse is all too familiar for Scott Seniors Starting, who seem to do this every session. How is there even enough time on the clock for two teams to combine for 101 points in a game??

#16 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Beat Itches and Ohs 30-24

Can't Touch This was the darling of D4 last season the way they improved throughout the session, and it seems they're doing it again in D3. Ryan is great, his girls are great, and Anthony Battaglia is no slouch either. We wouldn't call these guys "favorites" exactly but they're certainly "real contenders".

#17 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro

Last Week: Did Not Play

Buffalo Vice Retro was shut out for the second time this session, and they have yet to score more than 20 points against a team NOT named "The Replacements" (it's crazy how often that team comes up in our disclaimers). Frodo is a really good opponent so the outcome doesn't surprise us, even if the final 29-0 score does.

#18 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Get Schwifty 35-32

We're ready to throw in the towel on our preseason predictions for Practice Squad. For whatever reason they're just not able to pull off a win in any of these close games this year as they drop to dead last in their division. Now the good news for the Squad is that it's a VERY even division so if you're going to bet on any #8 seeds to upset a #1 seed this year, this would be the one to pick.

#19 Jeff Easton - Bullet Club

Last Week: Lost to Mountain Dew Me 29-28

Bullet Club finally loses a game thanks to Mountain Dew Me and a "questionable" clock situation. You didn't think they'd go undefeated, did you? This is really Buffalo vs Miami if you think about it: A lot had to go wrong for these guys to lose, and it doesn't change the fact that they're still going to have a great season. Jeff and company just need to chalk it up to an unlucky situation and move on.

#20 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week: Lost to Buffalo Vice 31-0

How does a team averaging nearly 40 PPG get shut out by a team that entered the game with a losing record? We were NOT close to predicting this one, we'll be the first to admit. Zack Attack, you're a great team and you'll bounce back. Burn the game film from this one.

#21 Ryan Henry - TMA

Last Week: Lost to Woodpeckers 35-24

Last week in our division analysis we compared TMA to last session's Travis Henry's Kids: massive favorites that really ought to win their division barring a fluke. And now they have one other thing in common... they've both lost to Woodpeckers! We're not sure if TMA was missing players, over-confident or simply outplayed, but the message here is that no team is safe on any given Saturday.

#22 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Did Not Play

No Paul at the fields last week, but his team won 34-0 without him. Not a good sign for his D5 MVP campaign!

#23 John Langley - Travis Henry's Kids

Last Week: Beat TOX 41-19, beat Vaspian 36-8

Well look who made it into our TSL QB Power Rankings. Mr. "I can win for other teams but not my own" has finally won a pair of games for Travis Henry's Kids. And neither of them was particularly close either! Congrats to John Langley. No, he doesn't get a graph this week, but he DOES get to admit the League was right to move him up to D4 where he now has a positive point differential...

#24 Cody McGregor - Mountain Dew Me

Last Week: Beat Bullet Club 29-28, lost to 716 29-28

When was the last time a team won and lost a game on the same day by the exact same score? Congrats on your consistency Mountain Dew Me! No one in D3 really stands out as a huge favorite, so why not the Dew Me Crew this year? They're as fast and athletic as anyone in this League.

#25 Steve Moser - Itches and Ohs

Last Week: Lost to Can't Touch This 30-24

Itches continues to compete and play better than their record suggests. One more point against Practice Squad, five more points against Bullet Club, seven more points against Can't Touch This, and they'd be 5-2 instead of 2-4-1. We don't think they'll win D3, but we're guessing their elimination game will come down to the final drive.

***

The Greatest Male Players (Non-QB) in the TSL

If our Greatest Female Players rankings from a couple weeks ago were any indication, it seems like no one is ever happy with their ranking. We expect more of the same from this week's Greatest Male Players rankings. We'll try to recognize you by ranking you above 90% of your peers (that is the point of this segment after all), you'll complain we didn't recognize you ENOUGH by ranking you ahead of everyone else, and then you'll bitch about how we don't know what we're talking about, how this is all just a popularity contest and biased against you because blah blah blah. Oh, and you probably didn't even respond to our numerous requests to send in your votes and let your voice be heard, did you? You had your chance. We're sorry your peers don't think you're as good as you do. Just keep in mind when you're whining to your friends and teammates about your rank, they're probably thinking "at least he GOT ranked, why does no one ever notice me?".

With that said, here's a reminder of what we're looking for on our "Greatest Male Players (Non-QB)" list:

Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best male players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
They must be actively playing this session. No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you're not playing regularly, you're not eligible.
If you happen to add versatility as your team's backup QB, that's truly helpful for your team and they're lucky to have that from you. But it doesn't factor into our rankings.

So that's our criteria. In past sessions (and even the Female Rankings a couple weeks ago) we've done write ups for each person to say why they deserve to be ranked as high as they are, but this time we're just going to list the names. Why is that you ask? Because... you're all ungrateful, and you're just going to complain about how you should have been ranked higher anyway! Ungrateful players don't deserve write-ups saying how great they are. Do we sound a little bitter? DO WE???

That being said, here are the Top 25 Male (Non-QB) Players in the League according to our panel of experts (and including the feedback of people who DID write in):

#25: Ron Webber - TMA

#24: Anthony Deak - Bullet Club, Travis Henry's Kids

#23: George Lombardo - Grey Hair - Don't Care, Freeballers

#22: Kevin Zack - Sticky Bandits

#21: Dave Baker - Tight Ends in Motion, Freeballers

#20: James Celotto - Passed Our Prime, 716

#19: Matt Helm - Untouchaballs

#18: Pete Walbrandt - Bullet Club, Travis Henry's Kids

#17: Ben Stack - Eyes Downtown

#16: Pete Nguyen - Legends

#15: Jonny Yioulos - Scared Hitless

#14: Blake Fisher - Frodo Swaggins

#13: Travis Cleavenger - Legends, DILFS

#12: Drew Colosimo - Sticky Bandits

#11: Chris Nelson - Legends

#10: Nick Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716

#9: Eric Delecki - Eyes Downtown

#8: Ralph Finney - Passed Our Prime

#7: Andy Smigiera - Eyes Downtown

#6: Kyle Conniff - Tight Ends in Motion, No Punt Intended

#5: Adrian Cannon - Sticky Bandits, TOX

#4: Dave Gdaniec - Tight Ends in Motion

#3: Mike Boccio - Legends

#2: Derek Bongiovanni - Tight Ends in Motion

#1: Sean Weisensal - Legends, Frodo Swaggins

The biggest complaint we got last season was that we ranked "too many" Tight Ends in Motion guys. Guess what? They're 7-0 this season with their longtime QB back under center. Maybe we DID know what we were talking about...

So here's our challenge to you now: if you're going to complain about these Rankings, don't just say they were "bullshit" or "biased" or "all the same old people". And don't just say "person X should have been WAY higher". Put your money where your mouth is (so to speak) and send us your OWN list. We'll be happy to publish it next week, with your name attached as the creator, and we'll see if people think you did any better.

***

That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? no graph this week? you don't think Travis Henry's Kids deserves two of the top 25 male athletes in the League?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

WEEK 4 POWER RANKINGS

Details: Category: TSL QB Power Rankings; Created: Thursday, 15 September 2022 19:56; Published: Thursday, 15 September 2022 19:56; Written by Jeff Krol; Hits: 5787

Welcome back to the TSL Quarterback Power Rankings!

We've expanded to a Top Twenty in our QB rankings AND we've covered the Top Twenty female players in the League as well?? So much for you guys to disagree with this week! Remember: female player rankings are SUPPOSED to be a compliment to those players, not an insult that we didn't rank YOUR girls (or that we didn't rank them higher). We're not worried, we're sure you'll have a very mature response to the rankings below... Right....

Enjoy!

#1 Joey Batts - Legends / Cunning Stunts

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 32-24 (Legends), beat Spinelli's Plumbing 44-40, beat Buffalo Vice 52-32 (Stunts)

Last week we wrote "Three wins, zero losses, one hundred twenty-two points scored for Joey Batts on Saturday. Legends and Stunts are a combined 7-0 to start the season, and Joey has not been lower than 2nd in our Power Rankings since... well, the day Travis built him a super-team." This week he got... three more wins, zero losses, 128 more points, and a combined 10-0 record to start the season. There are six undefeated teams in the TSL and two of them have Joey Batts at QB.

#2 David "Bro" Kleckler - Tight Ends in Motion

Last Week: Beat Sticky Bandits 46-32, beat Untouchaballs 49-25

95 points for Bro on Saturday with two big wins over Sticky Bandits and Untouchaballs. In case the League forgot about how good Bro is, Tight Ends and their undefeated record are ready to remind everyone.

#3 Bobby McConnell - Eyes Downtown

Last Week: Beat Scared Hitless 36-26, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 54-0

The top three QBs this week all scored a boatload of points, huh? Bobby had 90 on Saturday including a 54-nothing blanking of Buffalo Vice Retro. Is it fun to win 54-0, or does it get boring by the end?

#4 Mike Thomas - Sticky Bandits

Last Week: Lost to Legends 32-24, lost to Tight Ends in Motion 46-32

The Sticky Bandits didn't lose a regular season game by more than 6 last session, but they lost two by more than that on Saturday. Alright, it was against the top two teams in the League so the sky is hardly falling here.

#5 Garrett Beesing - Frodo Swaggins

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for D2 powerhouse Frodo Swaggins this week.

#6 Jeremy "Hogan" Olson - Passed Our Prime

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game AND no reffing for Hogan this past week. No wonder all the games went smoothly.

#7 Jeremy Burr - Untouchaballs

Last Week: Lost to Tight Ends in Motion 49-25

Crossover games are tough. They're even tougher when you're missing half your squad! Not much to say about this beatdown. Untouchaballs seem to be coasting through the regular season just waiting to crush teams in the playoffs.

#8 Dylan Day - Scared Hitless

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 36-26

Scared Hitless is 2-3 but they haven't lost a game by more than one score this season. Not the kind of team you'd like to see in the playoffs when one small mistake could mean the end of your season.

#9 Dave Eickhoff - Grey Hair - Don't Care

Last Week: Beat DILFS 51-35

51 points is a good day any way you want to look at it. We won't read too much into Grey Hair's season on a crossover opponent started by a backup QB, but hey, Eickhoff didn't choose the schedule and a win's a win.

#10 Kyle Conniff - No Punt Intended

Last Week: Beat the Replacements 44-22, beat Buffalo Vice Retro 31-12

From "brand new-ish team" to 4th highest scoring team in the League. That was quick. We figured Kyle's offense would be good after last week's battle against Scared Hitless but the defense gave up only 34 points in two games on Saturday too.

#11 Brandt Dubey - DILFS

Last Week: Did Not Play

At what point do we cross off Dubey on this list and write in Travis instead? Attendance matters!

#12 Dylan Jaloza - Freeballers / 716

Last Week: Did Not Play

Dylan didn't play this week and Freeballers put up 61 without him. Is he holding them back??? (Short answer: no)

#13 Scott Drosendahl - Scott Seniors Starting

Last Week: Beat Practice Squad 46-23, lost to Itches and Ohs 39-36

We forgot this team existed after they took the last two weeks off. They're back, and Scotty went 1-1 on Saturday to keep his team right near the top of the D3 standings just behind Bullet Club. Didn't he used to throw for those guys back in D2?

#14 TJ Ferguson - Puckett All-Stars

Last Week: Beat Vaspian 32-14, beat Zack Attack 32-31

Puckett F'n All-Stars are 4-1 with the second-best record and second-best points per game in D4. Strong start to the season for TJ and company. That 51-44 Week One loss to Cunning Stunts must really annoy them every time they look at the Standings.

#15 Nick Hawes - Spinelli's Plumbing

Last Week: Beat Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 38-24, lost to Cunning Stunts 44-40

Four points short of keeping pace with D4 giants Cunning Stunts and a 14-point win over previously undefeated Interdimensional Lightning Falcons is a pretty great day for Spinelli's. It's always strange to see a team do so well against their division's top teams, and then play to a tie against one of the division's cellar-dwellers another week.

#16 Brandon "B" Ford - Practice Squad

Last Week: Lost to Scott Seniors Starting 46-23

Practice Squad might be in a full-on spiral right now. After an impressive Week One win, B has failed to lead the Squad to a W in any of their next four outings. We know this isn't D4 anymore, but they've got to be better than this, right?

#17 Seth Molisani - Buffalo Vice Retro

Last Week: Lost to Eyes Downtown 54-0, lost to No Punt Intended 31-12

12 points across two games on Saturday, 12.8 PPG on the season and an 0-4 record can't possibly be what Buffalo Vice Retro had in mind when they splintered off into a D2 team this session. We're not sure what the problem is, attendance, play calling or execution?

#18 Ryan Dougherty - Can't Touch This

Last Week: Did Not Play

No game for the League's POSSIBLY strongest arm this weekend (Ryan vs Paul Lovullo arm-wrestling match, let's make it happen).

#19 Zack Elphick - Zack Attack

Last Week: Lost to Puckett All-Stars 32-31

Zack Attack finally lost this week but they're still doing great in the standings (and compared to our expectations). This was a team that always played great defense but is suddenly scoring nearly 35 PPG. Big credit to Zack for whatever adjustments he's made this session (even if it's just adding Sam Lattuca).

#20 Paul Lovullo - Come From Behind

Last Week: Lost to TMA 35-34

Come From Behind lost the battle of the undefeated D5 teams on Saturday, but we're still somehow ranking their QB over TMA's right now. It's splitting hairs really, but Paul has a SLIGHTLY better points per game (7th in the League to TMA's 12th) so he gets the nod.

***

Here we go! The official TSL Best Female Players in the League rankings that we assume you will all 100% agree with and not complain about at ALL at the bar...

Our goal here is to rank the greatest active female players in the TSL, as determined by our own panel of experts along with input from everyone that emailed us this week to weigh in. We didn't take all of your suggestions (we don't even know who some of the girls we were emailed about are) but when you see the same names over and over again it's kind of obvious who the best really are. So here's what we're looking for on our "Greatest Female Players" list:

Speed, hands, pass rushing, any kind of playmaking ability; we're not prioritizing one specific skill over another, we're trying to rank the best female players that would improve your chance of winning if they were on your team.
Attitude and personality doesn't factor in UNLESS that player's intangibles are extremely great (motivational, positive teammates lift everyone up) or extremely bad (toxic complainers will bring a team down even if they have elite skills)
They must be actively playing this session. No, being on a roster and never showing up (or missing half the season so far) doesn't count. If you haven't been playing regularly (hi Robin!) you're not eligible.

So that's our criteria. Please keep in mind that there are about two HUNDRED women in the League and we're showing only the Top 10% of that here, so it is no insult not to be named here, or to be named toward the lower end of this list. You're welcome to complain about how disrespected you feel (you probably will...) but our intention here is the exact opposite, to show respect to the best of the best (in our unscientific opinions). With that being said... here are your top Twenty Female Players in the TSL according to our panel of experts!

#20: Nicole Sharick - Sticky Bandits

Nicole is one of the better female deep threat receivers in the League as she has the speed and the hands to pull in a deep ball whenever a defense thinks they can sleep on her. They really can't.

#19: Sam Lattuca - Zack Attack

Where do you want to start? The great hands, the smothering defense? Or maybe the fact that she's the best (part-time) female quarterback in the League? Zack Attack immediately upgraded by adding Sam.

#18: Katie Swanson - Spinelli's Plumbing

Katie is one of the most reliable female receivers in the League. Just a great, consistent playmaker and routinely called out by other players that write in to us to say, "don't forget about Katie Swanson!" Don't worry, we haven't.

#17: Ashtin Fiegel - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts

The "fast girl" on Practice Squad, Ashtin has the speed to complement Renee's route running in one of the better one-two punches in the League. And just when D4 thought they were finally rid of her, she joined the Stunts!

#16: Kayla Voss - Grey Hair - Don't Care, 716

Every Kayla Voss game seems to have at least one great play where the sideline collectively says, "who is THAT girl"? That girl is Kayla, and she's a freakishly good athlete. If you don't know her, you will soon.

#15: Emma Patterson - Tight Ends in Motion, Buffalo Vice Retro

Is there a faster receiver in the TSL right now than Emma Patterson? We're not sure. She might not have the big game experience of some of her TEIM female teammates, but no one can doubt her abilities.

#14: Misty Himes - Zack Attack

Misty is such a dangerous receiver who can attack a defense in so many different ways. A short gain turned into a big one? A full-field TD catch? Misty seems to have every move in her skillset.

#13: Rachel Parker - Buffalo Vice Retro, Lenny's Ladies

Rachel is an aggressive defender and an outstanding receiver that always puts herself in position to make big plays. You can't beat her combination of route running, instincts, speed and hands.

#12: Maddie Norton - Legends, Lenny's Ladies

Legends, Cobblestone, Lenny's Ladies, Varsity Has Beens, Maddie has immediately upgraded any team she has ever joined with her combination of speed and hands. Elite level talent.

#11: Renee Lantz - Practice Squad, Cunning Stunts

It's possible that no one, male or female, gives a better effort on Saturdays than Renee Lantz. A fantastic route runner with great hands, any defender needs to give Renee their fullest respect or she'll make them look foolish.

#10: Laura Streeter - Sticky Bandits, Itches and Ohs

Laura is the ironwoman of the TSL who plays just as ferociously in her fourth game of the day as she does in her first. Athletic and aggressive, Laura isn't afraid to dive around the field to make a play.

#9: Christine Krol - Sticky Bandits, Not So Sticky

The better Krol is one of the League's best females in coverage and she has the speed and skills to catch breakaway deep TDs as well... when she's not too busy throwing them.

#8: Taylor Pagano - Legends, Cunning Stunts

When Taylor's not getting drunk at the bar (her primary focus in the TSL) she can be seen dominating on the fields. Whether you need smothering defense or a big play on offense, her game is as strong as her attitude.

#7: Katie Keller - DILFS, Scott Seniors Starting

League legend Katie Keller continues her run of dominance as one of the best female athletes in the TSL. Hands, instincts and a knack for playmaking make her the focus of any team she's on.

#6: Amber Hay - Grey Hair - Don't Care, No Punt Intended

The League's most improved female player continues to get better each session. Amber is a Breakfast Club captain, a D2 team captain, and a receiver that seems impossible to cover at times.

#5: Heather Cepuchowski - Legends

The best girl on the best team in the League, Heather is a great route runner who rarely drops a pass. Someone has to make Joey look good out there...

#4: Jamie Warren - Scared Hitless, No Punt Intended

The perfect combination of speed and athleticism, Jamie makes her presence felt every week on the fields. She's also debatably the best female defender in the League.

#3: Caitlyn Mason - Buffalo Vice Retro, Buffalo Vice

No one in the League is more dangerous with the ball in her hands. Caitlyn can stop on a dime and juke you out of your cleats. She doesn't have to run high difficulty routes, because she turns the easy ones into huge gains.

#2: Katie Salisbury - Tight Ends in Motion, Frodo Swaggins

Katie is officially back after missing most of last season with an injury, and she's still the same nightmare to cover that she used to be. If you've played against her, you know. The only other girl on this list so far to receive ANY votes for #1.

#1: Melanie Linsmair - Scared Hitless, Untouchaballs

Mel is still the gold standard two seasons in a row now. She's the human highlight reel, she's the scariest player on the list, she's the girl you will NEVER defend with another girl. The best in the League.

Common complaints of this Ranking in the past include:

"They totally snubbed this girl on my team!"
"I can't believe they think THIS girl is better than THAT girl!"
"This is all just a popularity contest!"

Yeah, yeah, we get it. You disagree. Just make sure when you're complaining about it at the bar that you focus on why you or another girl should be HIGHER, and not why someone else should be LOWER, because that's always a bad look.

***

September 22: Best at Bar (Individuals, Not Teams)
September 29: Best Male Players (Non-QB) in the League
October 6: Division All-Star Teams Announced

***

That's it for this week! As always, if you have any thoughts on why you hate this article (your team’s QB should be ranked higher? Any "Best Females" list without Brandy or Rachel Grampp is a joke? you know deep down that all twenty girls on this list are better than yours, but you want to complain they were robbed anyway?) please send an email to This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.. Seriously, we can do this BETTER if you TELL us about your team!

What’s YOUR ranking?

Page 12 of 23

Start
Prev
7
8
9
10
11
12
13
14
15
16
Next
End