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Week 1 2020

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 14 August 2020 11:23
Published: Friday, 14 August 2020 11:23
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 200


Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe! Hello!


We made it. I don’t know how we did it, but we’re here. The Topper Sports League is FINALLY a go! I know you’re beyond excited, as am I. I’ve always enjoyed hearing and writing about this league, and while the world went crazy, I didn’t get to write about our favorite sports league. It made an even more boring time worse!


But, none of that matters now. What truly matters is that on Saturday, August 15th in the Year of Our Lord 2020, the TSL 2020 Season will begin. 44 teams will begin the race for social co-ed football immortality across six divisions. And it’s going to be a race unlike any other we’ve seen before. The absolute biggest reason this season will be different of course is NOT COVID-19.


Let’s face it, this season is going to be so weird without Rameer. Rameer was the guy who held this league together at times. He always made people feel included. That was his greatest strength. He talked to everyone, and really made them feel at home. The reason we’re such a family at the TSL is partly due to his example. Yes, a lot of TSLers have followed his lead in including as many people as possible, but it’ll never be the same as getting the “Rameer” experience.


It’s incredible that in two years, I’ve had to talk about such a HUGE loss for this league. I can’t express how badly we need to wrap Topper in bubble wrap and put him in a cryogenic freezer after football each week. We can thaw him out on Friday mornings. It’s the safest plan for the league.


As usual, just like we did last year, the TSLers have been stepping up to make sure this league can run as smoothly as possible. Coach Jay has taken over the title of Head Referee. He has some big shoes to fill, but I really think he’s a fantastic choice for this position. Anything I’ve ever heard of him has been positive. Topper has started the “TSL BOD”, which is a bunch of well known TSLers who have stepped up to help run the league. Unsurprisingly, Joe K and Val Bernal are a part of this team. Emily Curry, Jeff Krol, and, yes, even Travis have been included with this group in order to help things along. It takes about 3-4 “regular” TSLers to even come close to doing what a Lenny or a Rameer did for us, so try to cut them some slack as they try to enforce the new rules for the league.


Ah yes, the new guidelines. The TSL was not safe from COVID-19’s reach, and as a result, we had to change a lot of things in order for us to play this year. Your captain’s should’ve passed along the new guidelines, but if not, here’s a fun review of the new rules:



1.  logistics of how and when to arrive/play; we are asking that teams enter and exit the fields at designated areas.  The entrance will be located near Topper’s car(see attached field layout) the field exit will be located by the tree line furthest away from the bar. Teams may start to enter the fields 10 minutes before their game times, again practice social distancing, and only once the teams leave the playing fields may the next games teams enter the field.  Teams must setup behind opposite endzones.  After your game is over, we ask you to put on your mask, clean up your bags and trash, and exit the playing fields as soon as possible so that the next games can begin.


Yeah, all of this is a lot. Apparently, you’ll arrive at the fields (We only have four this season) and you’ll notice that they’re surrounded by orange snow fencing. You enter (with a mask on) by Topper’s car, and you’ll exit at a different point. You can’t hang around the fields. Once your game ends, mask up and get moving. I know it sucks for those post-game “How did we blow that game?” convos that Slytherin has to have, but it’ll have to be done in the parking lot.



2.  be patient with the safety guidelines, it’s the only way we can play ball; this is new to all of us, so please keep that in mind if things are a bit different this season.  Hopefully we can get through the full season together, but only if you and your teammates cooperate and follow our guidelines as well as those of the Angry Buffalo


This is pretty simple: If you choose to ignore this stuff, you won’t be allowed to play. It’s harsh, but this is a scenario where one person can mess everything up for the entire league. DON’T. BE. THAT. GUY. OR. GIRL.


3.  Everything is subject to change as we see what’s working and what’s not.  Again, this is new to all of us, so please let one of us know if there is an issue or concern.


I’ll stress this part here too: PLEASE tell us your ideas and what concerns you may have. The only bad ideas are the ones you don’t tell us. Or the ones that come from Joey Batts.



Those three rules are just the beginning. Here’s the Updated TSL Guidelines for the season. I’ll jump in with some emphasis where I think it’s needed:


Updated Guidelines

·        The TSL and The Angry Buffalo will have Covid-19 guidelines in place and posted at the fields, all players MUST have a mask, and follow the posted instructions on when they must wear their mask. There won’t be any tolerance for players and patrons who don’t follow the posted guidelines.

·        We have put together a group of volunteers to help manage the game day experience

o   Volunteers: Joe K, Valerie Bernal, Travis Clevenger, Jay Jaskier, Emily Curry and Jeff Krol

o   I have asked them to help make sure players are checking in, entering the fields and exiting the fields in the designated areas

o   They will be wearing orange shirts in honor of Rameer

o   They will be enforcing our guidelines.

o   Please do not be disrespectful to them, any rude behavior will not be tolerated.

·        Please make sure your players/teammates have masks or they will not be able to play.  Games will not be held up because players aren’t signing in on time


Like I said above, these TSLers are doing what they can to make sure things run smoothly. Don’t be dicks to them, other than, again, Travis. We understand that one. So yes, if you’re a super tough macho guy getting told what to do by Emily or Val, just listen to them. Please. Don’t make it a thing.


·        Prior to entering the fields, all players must sign into our Covid Tracing App.  There will be signs posted with a QR code that will take you to this form https://toppersports.com/covid/ where you and your teammates will have to sign in, and answer the questions.  It’s quick, and it’s necessary!!




·        Teams may start to enter the fields 10 minutes prior to their game time, so please make sure you have checked in on the app.

·        Teams will not be permitted to be on the sidelines, rather please setup behind the endzones.  Because of potential subbing issues, we have added a 4th time out for each team to use this season.


Please remember you’ll have four timeouts. You just know there’s going to be those LONG personnel changes.


·        Please practice social distancing: do not warn up where other teams have congregated, please wait for the teams playing prior to your game to leave the field before entering the field.

·        Masks must be worn when entering the fields.  There will be a designated field entrance area, and a designated field exit area.  Please use the entrance and exit areas as intended.  The field entrance will be located near my truck(for those of you who have played before) for those new to the league, look for the Silver ford explorer.


·        The Rosegarden has setup a lot of outdoor seating for us, please be patient with their staff, and understand that food must be ordered when purchasing alcohol.  Please follow the current restaurant covid policy’s, face mask must be worn until you are seated.  Do not table jump, meaning if you have friends at a table nearby, do not walk over to them without a mask. 

·        Unfortunately, we cannot have spectators at our fields.  Those of you who play on more than 1 team, we suggest that you bring a lawn chair and tailgate so to speak, or go up to the bar and grab a table.


This sucks, I know. A great part of the TSL is having our moms and dads, our other friends, and our kids there to watch us play. Please don’t bring them, don’t make it weird. Nobody wants to be the person who has to ask someone to remove their 3 year old from the premises.


·        There is expanded parking behind the bar, so please park up against the tree lines, and make sure to leave room for cars to get out. (see attached layout)

·        Dogs are permitted, must be accompanied by an adult and on a leash at all times, and obviously, not permitted in the bar area or the fields.


This is something we hoped to return this season, but it’s going to be much harder now with no spectators. So yes, if you’re going to bring Fido, please do, but make sure your teammates will be willing to hold onto the leash on the sidelines. And clean up after them please. Remember, there will be no tethering the dogs to a stake in the ground. Just really want to be clear here.


·        While playing you do not have to wear a mask, however we do encourage that gaiter scarfs be worn if at all possible.


·        I encourage all players download the telegram messaging app and join our channel, this is the fastest way for us to update everyone on league news and events


I know we pimp the telegram app every single season, but it’s very, very true: Getting the app will allow you to get the most up to date information for the league. It could save you a trip to the fields if say, your game gets rained out.


That just about covers everything. It’s going to be weird for everyone. Please keep an open mind and don’t have a freak out right away about the new rules. Topper is doing the best he can to make sure we can have some semblance of fun this year. Don’t ruin it. Work with us, not against us.



And now, what you’re really here for. SEASON PREDICTIONS!


These predictions aren’t going to be as dialed in as I like them to be. It’s a different world. So many players have changed teams or some teams have simply lost players who aren’t playing because of the virus, and that’s understandable. But, I get to pick who’s going to win anyway! Let’s get it going!




Public Enemy (2-1)

Eyes Downtown (2-1)

Marketing Mayors (4-1)

Tight Ends in Motion (8-1)

Gryffindor (10-1)

Why So Serious? (100-1)


Here’s the lowdown: As usual, it’s a two horse race between Public Enemy and Eyes Downtown. I had heard that Bobby Basketball upgraded his rosters a bit more in order to overcome PE once more. Public Enemy are the reigning champions, and from what I’ve been told they’ll have mostly everyone back. I had heard Pauly J is still on the fence about playing, and his loss would be huge for a Public Enemy team looking to repeat. Marketing Mayors come in where they always do: slightly underappreciated, but they can win the title if you sleep on them. They’re capable of putting it all together, as we’ve seen in the recent past, but Cory Turner gave me the inside scoop that they’re going to struggle a bit with the roster each week. Tight Ends is still the desperate team hoping to finally break into the upper echelon. They get better every season, but with Katie Salisbury sitting the season out, things looked bleak. Instead, TEIM has signed Free Agent Maggie LaMantia, who is hands down the best rusher in the league. Their biggest issue will once again be at QB, as Alex will be back under center. We’ve said it for years now, he doesn’t have the arm strength to put TEIM over the top. Perhaps he got incredibly strong during quarantine? Gryffindor must have some sort of revamped roster, but all I know for sure is that Travis has been added to the team. He’ll help Joey Batts and Co a bit, but is he enough to help them ascend to the top of the Division? We’ll find out. Finally, Why So Serious? comes in to the league and goes straight to D1. I love their moxie, but the only thing anyone could tell me about Pete’s new team is that they got beat up pretty badly in one of the winter tournaments, even losing to a Game On! team. They may be in over their head.


Prediction:  Eyes Downtown take the D1 title away from Public Enemy.




Peachy Platoon (3-1)

DIlf’s (4-1)


Bullet Club (7-1)

Slytherin That End Zone (9-1)

Sticky Bandits (10-1)

Jabronies (12-1)

Morning Wood (20-1)


Here’s the lowdown: Peachy Platoon returns as the favorites this season. A big reason for that? They’re getting slightly older and in their prime while the other teams are pretty much getting slightly older and further away from their prime. Honestly, this division is VERY close among it’s best teams. Peachy may have lost Dave Wilbern, and a few other pieces, but they’ve already told me that they’ve replaced them with younger, better versions. They’re just always dangerous. The Dilf’s were too scared to make the jump to D1 after winning the D2 title last season, but they’ve added a lot of firepower anyway. They’re definitely favorites to repeat this time around, and adding speedster Casey Oliphant can only make things better for them. HOFBRUHAUS BUFFALO, Team Topper, is back but they’re all a little older and they’ve lost Pete to Why So Serious?. I haven’t heard if they added anyone to replace him. Bullet Club’s roster remains mostly the same, but they’ve added Glenn Bird for this season. Joe K has apparently gotten hurt, so one could say that’s an addition by subtraction as well. SlTE has always been a team that’s up and down. At their best, they can win the division. At their worst? They can lose any game by 30. They’re incredibly hard to predict with the inconsistency, which is why they find themselves smack in the middle here. Gary reached out to me to talk about the roster changes, and while they had some big losses, they patched those holes with Coach Jay, Taylor Pagano, Sal Gandalfo of “We Back” fame, and newcomer Chelsey Milleville. More importantly, Gary and Jess got married this offseason and she’s pregnant! Congrats guys. That’s awesome. The Sticky Bandits aren’t scared to move up when they win a title, and they find themselves in D2. Jeff Krol and the gang tend to be smarter than just about any team they’ve faced before. D2 is another animal though. Personally, I expect a solid .500 season from them in their first go. After a season of getting their feet wet, look out for them to contend in the Spring. The Jabronies have fared well since they’ve started in the league, but D2 might be a heck of a jump for them. They were a solid “middle of the road” team in D3 last time around, and perhaps they’re biting off more than they can chew here. Finally, Dave and Mo have left Peachy Platoon to raise Morning Wood from the dead. They were a bit overmatched in D2 last time they appeared in the TSL, so unless they got a complete roster overhaul, I’m not sure they’ll do much better than 2-7. Besides, it’s like one unidentified Topper said “Either way, they still have Mo, so it doesn’t matter.”.


Prediction: Dilf’s repeat, defeating Slytherin That Endzone in the final.





Frodo Swaggins (2-1)

All We Do Is Quinn (5-1)

Scared Hitless (7-1)

En Fuego (10-1)

Grey Hair – Don’t Care (12-1)

Vaspian (12-1)

The Untouchaballs (15-1)


Here’s the lowdown: This is Frodo Swaggins’ division to lose. Which means they probably will. Garrett, Scotty, and their merry band of bland guys who all look the same will be hard to beat, simply because they have the most time playing together. These guys and gals have been working hard to win a title, and they’ve had mostly the same team together for years now. It’ll be harder with two girls on the IR this season, but they have the best QB in the division easily. Quinn appears to be on their last legs, as they’ve had some big losses to their roster. Apparently they’re getting the band back together (or what’s left of it) for a final run. They’re still talented, so they can take this for sure. If I have my information right, Scared Hitless and Grey Hair are two sides of the split of End Game. Sources say that Scared Hitless got most of the talent though. That remains to be seen, but Hitless vs Hair might be a great grudge match. En Fuego is in D3 for some reason. When we last saw them, they were losing to Cobblestone in the D5 playoffs and crying about it. Somehow that warrants a jump to D3. These are strange times we’re living in. I admire Blasé’s trust in his team, but I don’t see them dominating like they did before. If anything, it seems like they’re avoiding getting beaten up on by the Angels and Stunts. Vaspian was a great addition to the league, and I’m thrilled they’ve returned. They still have a bit to work out though, so I don’t think a championship run is in them. And honestly, I don’t know who The Untouchaballs are. They could be amazing. They could be terrible. We’ll find out.


Prediction: Scared Hitless upsets Frodo Swaggins in the title game.





The Angels (2-1)

Cunning Stunts (3-1)

Over Compensators (6-1)

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (7-1)

Buffalo Solar Solutions (9-1)

Freeballers (12-1)

Family Feud And Some Dudes (25-1)


Here’s the lowdown: The Angels come into to defend their D4 title, which is surprising because you’d have thought they’d go to D3. You’ll notice they’re not “Matty’s” this season. Matty Ice won’t be gracing the TSL with his presence this season, for reasons that have yet to be explained to me. Anyway, the front runners that the Angels are, they just went out and got Bobby McConnell to QB the team. I’m pretty sure they’re almost completely made up of D1 players now, yet it seems like we’re going to stay in D4 for some reason. That’s pretty weak. The Stunts are the favorites to beat the Angels, because well, they’re the only ones that have really done it in the last few seasons. No idea who is in or out for the Stunts this season. The OC come in hot after dominating everyone in D5 last season. Larry is a stud at QB, and it’s going to be awesome to watch these guys take on better competition. They just keep getting better. Uncle Ricos was a ridiculously hot and cold team last season. If they can ride out the hot streak they ended last season on, they can take this title. Buffalo Solar comes in with largely the same roster they had last time out. Captain Dan is nice enough to email me to give some info, and it seems they’ve added another female to really help them compete. No pressure there, Kayla. They’re going to be missing a ton of people each week, so look for them to be a playoff sleeper after maybe not the best regular season. The Freeballers are the creation of 40 year plan guy, who proceeded to separate from 3rd and Schlong. This is going to be a mixed bag of players who tend to think they’re much better than they are. It’s really going to come down to QB play and whatever females 40 YPG paid to play for them. I think they’re the ones that stole Steph Czaja from TMA, but I’m not 100% sure. Finally, FFASD is a team I yet again know nothing about. As a result, they get horrible odds until we get some data on them.


Prediction: The Angels stay the big fish in the small pond, defeating the Stunts yet again.





The Practice Squad (4-1)

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (4-1)

TOX (6-1)

Zack Attack (7-1)

Intentional Pounding (9-1)

Cobblestone (11-1)

Mountain Dew Me (12-1)

Pink Pteratacos (20-1)


Here’s the Lowdown: I think just about any team can win this division. I know the odds suggest otherwise, but it’s a lot closer that it seems. The Practice Squad feels like it’s finally their turn, after being close to a championship the last few seasons but just barely not being able to get the job done. ILF comes in with some fanfare, as it seems that come from the Sticky – Tight Ends – Jabronies mold, which means at the very least, they know how to play the game. TOX is the fun team Topper threw together, which should remind us of the last few D5 teams he used to trot out. This team should be full of league icons. Zack Attack ran through D6 last season, so it only makes sense they move up to D5. I think they’ll fit right in here. Intentional Pounding is what’s left of our lovely friends from 3rd and Schlong. Team Keller is strong here, but I don’t yet know who they added to get this team to the top of the division. Cobblestone, as far as I know, returns everyone from the team that upset En Fuego in the last playoffs. Mountain Dew Me is right where they need to be in D5, as they bit off more than they could chew in D4 last season. They weren’t terrible last season, but dropping a division while they figure things out a bit more really feels like the right move. Finally, we have the Pteratacos who, I think I was told, were the final team to register. I’m glad they’re back, but here’s hoping they added some players from last season’s team where they may have been the worst team in the entire league.


Prediction: Zack Attack defeats Practice Squad for the title.





TMA (4-1)

The BiPolar Express (7-1)

Graves Bros. (8-1)

The Bambs (9-1)

PC Plumbing (10-1)

Tater Tots (13-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (22-1)            

Blitzkrieg (30-1)


Here’s the lowdown: Well, I say this a lot, but this division is TMA’s to lose. TMA should’ve moved up to D5 for this season, but it appears that they’ve lost some female firepower. Steph left for greener pastures, and then word dropped recently in TSL circles that team icon Drunk Meg isn’t playing either. TMA has always relied on how strong all 4 girls are, and now they’re a bit weaker. They’re going to lean on Diana Bernal and Val Testa more than ever this season, which isn’t a bad thing. However, they still boast a very good roster, even with Prim, and they’re talented enough to overcome the losses. As always with TMA, they just need to get out of their own way. The BiPolar Express comes in with consistency within their roster. Gordon’s girls have been getting better and better as the seasons have gone on, and they were in the Final 4 last season. The biggest hurdle for the team was when they would lose 4 girls from the lineup when they played for TMA. With the recent roster changes, that’s lessened. Graves Bros was just behind the leaders last season, and another season under their belts can only lead to improvements. They went head to head with BPX, and with TMA changing it up a little bit, AND with the Passless Chaps nowhere to be found, AND with Zack Attack moving up, well, they absolutely have a shot at this title. The Bambs (2.0) come back yet again, and its just great to have a league staple playing. It’s weird without them. PC Plumbing is a new-ish team but with Payton Spinelli running the team, that means we’ll probably see some form of The Replacements. The Tater Tots return and well, I don’t know if they got any better or not. Rumors have it that Drunk Meg has joined her beau in orange, which is a great improvement to a team that was semi-devoid of star power. Lenny’s Ladies is our newest gender team that was supposed to be QB’d by Joe K, but his offseason injury means that he’ll be on the sidelines. Who QB’s the team from here? What’s important, however, is that we have another gender team showcasing the league’s fantastic women that the TSL is lucky to have. Finally, Blitzkrieg returns! They had a very rough go last season, but it was their first one together. Team Captain Alex emailed me and immediately declared that Tom Hineman is *THE* best deep threat in D6. I look forward to see if they can prove it.


Prediction:  The BiPolar Express takes the D6 title, winning over Graves Bros in the final.  







2. How smoothly will everything go with the new COVID guidelines? I’d actually wager that we’re so excited to even be playing that people will follow the rules as best as they can.


3. How quickly will the bar empty out? I just have this feeling that people are going to leave a lot earlier than usual with all of the new rules in place. Remember, if you go to the bar to get your buckets, you’ll need to order food apparently. That’s not how Iowa works, but it seems New York is stupid.


4. How many of my predictions are going to look bad after Week 1? Probably all of them. This isn’t easy.


5. How weird are the fields going to feel without Rameer stomping around keeping an eye on everyone? I can’t even begin to think about how weird it’s going to be for everyone Saturday.





1. I think the Angels really wussed out here and they should’ve gone to D3. Weak.


2. The TSL just won’t be the same without Matty Ice being around either. Not seeing A&A on the standings page is just so weird.


3. I hope everyone that signed up for Breakfast Club still wants to do it next Spring. We had the most sign ups ever for it, and it was going to be awesome!




5. It’s early, but here are the top games for each game time:

               10:00 – Uncle Rico’s vs Over Compensators

               11:00 – Slytherin That End Zone vs Jabronies

               12:00 – Practice Squad vs Cobblestone

               1:00 – TMA vs The Bambs

               2:00 – Zack Attack vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons

               3:00 – Dilf’s vs Sticky Bandits


6. The weather looks pretty good! 86 degrees and only a slight chance of a thunderstorm!


7. If you want to get your team noticed, or have any questions for me, you can email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. . Give your team a shout out! I emailed all of the captains already looking for some scoops.


8. I know, you were probably looking for some game predictions, but currently the TSL Power Rankings team has yet to send the lines to me. Also, it was more important to stress the new guidelines. Don’t worry, they’ll be back next week.


9. Its EXTREMELY important for everyone on your team to complete the TSL COVID Tracing App prior to your game at the fields.. Go to Toppersports.com/covid to fill it out. If you don’t, you can’t play. Please make sure your entire team does it.


10. This will easily be the weirdest season we’ve ever faced. With so many guidelines we’ve added, and COVID security measures put in place, it may not feel exactly like a TSL season, but it’s something. Be good to each other. Wear sunscreen. We’ll all be thinking of Rameer, and Lenny, when this season kicks off. Let’s make this the best we possible can.


I’ll be in the cut. Wherever that is.


-The GF.

Something for the people

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Thursday, 30 April 2020 19:41
Published: Thursday, 30 April 2020 19:41
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 689


Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe,


This is not the article I wanted to write for this week. There’s nothing fun about what’s been happening around the world, as the COVID-19 Pandemic has disrupted so many things we hold dear. Birthdays, weddings, bar mitzvahs, quinceaneras, and everything in between have been put on hold, postponed, or relegated to weird drive by parades where you can kind of see your friends and family for a fleeting moment. It’s rough. Some of us are out of work and really need the distraction of social co-ed football, but alas, it’s not here yet. I myself have been furloughed, so there’s nothing to do but sit around my log cabin here in Des Moines, and wait it out. At the very least, for what it’s worth, you guys in Buffalo are much further along that we are here in Iowa. You’re close.

But this article was SUPPOSED to be about the first week of the Spring 2020 season. It was supposed to begin April 25th. I would’ve loved talking about the new stand outs in the league, the surprises, the ridiculousness that I would’ve heard multiple stories about at the bar. It was a PERFECT day for football. Sunny, 60 degrees. Considering we’ve started the last couple of Spring sessions in the snow, how perfect would that have been? I would’ve definitely talked about how Lenny smiled upon us and gave us a perfect day for Week 1. I still think he caused the weather last Saturday, even knowing we couldn’t play, just for a laugh. It’s the same reason it was 78 degrees and beautiful here in Iowa last Saturday, and all I could do was some work around the cabin.

Anyway, I wanted to write SOMETHING. Sure, part of it is because I have nothing to do all week anymore, and maybe I need to be locked in a room away from the little godfathers here that really should be in school, but I also feel like I owe you guys something to check into. It’s been a bit quiet on the site, and I guess we could’ve done some very blatantly biased bar brackets or something to engage the TSL universe, but I we all have a lot more important things to think about I guess. However, perhaps I can inspire a little hope! You know why?

The Topper Sports Spring Session is STILL a go for Mid to Late May. Yes, I know, it can still change. Topper wanted that to be pretty clear. But we’re getting CLOSE guys and gals! Soon, you will hopefully descend upon the Rose Garden with the biggest smiles and happiest of attitudes. The race for social co-ed football immortality will once again begin anew. We’ll have new teams! Old faces in new places! You can bring your dog again! Just you know, the doggo has to be on a leash that’s held by an adult at all times. There’s even going to be an exciting, slight change to MY articles as well!

I’m happy to announce that I won’t be randomly making up the lines for your games anymore. I challenged the good people on the TSL QB Rankings committee to use their math, spreadsheets, and free time to give me much more accurate lines for the games. That means no more complaining! I’m kidding. You’re going to complain still, Blasé. But it could be a fun change to see some ‘accurate-ish’ lines. I’m also going to make it a point to email more captains this season about their teams. I obviously can’t see the games live, so the more info your team gives me, the better my articles can be. Some of you already email at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. but really you all should start. Get your team its publicity! Give your stars some shout outs! If you’re not screaming about how your girl should be the D5 MVP, you shouldn’t be a captain anyway!

I wanted to take just a quick second though, and give a special shout out to my good friend Rameer. If you didn’t know, he’s going through a lot right now. Honestly, a lot doesn’t cover it. It’s not my place to rehash what is going on, so if you’re uninformed, please go read The Rant. Rameer does so much for this league, and when we lost Lenny, he really stepped it up even more. Sometimes he doesn’t get the credit he truly deserves. And now, there’s a chance we may not even see him until the Fall session. The league won’t be the same without Rameer scowling on the sidelines because someone did something stupid or snarling at the refs to get these games started on time. We love you Rameer. Know that.

But Godfather, you said this part was going to be inspiring and happy! I know, I know. Obviously the idea of not having Rameer around is terrible. (Okay, maybe not to ALL of you.) But here’s the silver lining. Yet again, the TSL universe stepped up. If you didn’t know, Coach Jay and Emily are going to be helping with some of Rameer’s duties in his absence. They’ll be the go to people for any ref scenarios that may arise. It’s so awesome to see that every single time this league looks like it might take a hit, more of the amazing TSLers step right up to keep the league they love up and running smoothly. Well, as smoothly as anything Topper related can be.

Another awesome thing? We have a record setting amount of people in Breakfast Club! Old faces and new faces have combined to get us 8 full teams! (Well, 7 full teams, and one team with Dave Walter, so they’ll always be short in the first half). The Draft was supposed to be taking place Friday Night, but we are going to hold off once again until Topper gets stuff figured out. Eight teams for Breakfast Club is fantastic. Another good thing? Two more weeks of not playing football means the fields won’t be destroyed ASAP! Topper told me the week leading up to last Saturday had snow and rain. The fields would’ve been soft as we trampled on them. Here’s hoping the nicer weather sticks around to keep them in top shape.

We’re so much closer to our Weekly Family Reunions. We’re getting through this together. I hear about the weekly league zoom meetings too. We have each other, like we always have. Football has always been about friends and family. Winning is nice too, of course. But so many of us have found boyfriends, girlfriends, wives, husbands, lifelong best friends, and families just from this league. It’s the thing we’re most proud of. All of YOU are the greatest thing about this league. You’re putting in the work. You’re staying safe. You’re doing what needs to be done so that sooner rather than later we can kick off another awesome season of the Greatest Social Co-Ed Football league in WNY, and probably the world. Just hold strong. Football is coming. We got this.


Keep your heads up.


-The Godfather

Playoff Picks, Odds, Predictions, Advice and thoughts

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 18 October 2019 12:47
Published: Friday, 18 October 2019 12:47
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1981


“And I can feel it, coming in the air tonight. Oh Lord.

Well I’ve been waiting for this moment, for all my life. Oh Lord.”

 – Phil Collins


Just like you, I’m immediately singing the awesome drum solo in my head from In The Air Tonight. It’s a killer pump up song. Seriously, Ray Lewis used to listen to this song before games. A few of you are considering using deer antler spray this coming weekend, so it can only mean one thing: PLAYOFFS ARE HERE!!! Well, that, and we really could use a TSL drug testing policy. Of course, then we’d lose Topper to suspension because that’s the ONLY reasonable explanation for just how well he’s been playing in the last year or two.


Lets face it kids, we’re all way too excited as the race for SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL IMMORTALITY IS FINALLY UPON US. The last 8 weeks were just positioning for the next two. This is what it’s all about, and this is what it’s always BEEN about. Over the next two weeks, 42 of our 47 teams from this session will do battle on the Leonard T. Alba fields at the Rose Garden (FYI: nobody has officially named the fields after Lenny, but we should. There’s zero doubt in my mind that if Lenny were here and we lost Topper, there’d be a flowered trellis with a bronze statue of Topper leading you to the Patrick J. McGovern Fields every week) and by the time the dust clears on October 26th, 6 of our teams will be crowned TSL Fall 2019 Champions. But before we get into just who will win those titles, let’s take a quick moment to remember those who are already eliminated from competition:




We Back/Schilling ‘Em Softly:

8th Place in D2

Overall TSL Rank: 47/47

Offensive Rank (Division): 8th

Defensive Rank (Division): 8th


Nothing to say here really. We Back was out of the league by Week 5. I’m only taking this second to give a shout out to SES for stepping up and playing when we really needed them to. It was awesome of you guys to help out.



10th Place in D6

Overall TSL Rank: 45th

Offensive Rank (Division): 8th

Defensive Rank (Division): 10th


 It’s a shame we didn’t get to learn more about BK this season. From what I heard, they were seen at the bar more than a lot of TSL teams this season. While they could put up some points, it was clear they struggled on defense a lot, and hopefully they’ll be back in the Spring with a new defensive coordinator and can start putting up some wins.


Shattered Dreams:

9th Place in D6

Overall TSL Rank: 42nd

Offensive Rank (Division): 10th

Defensive Rank (Division): 8th


Shattered Dreams made things a bit interesting in the final week of the season, pulling out the 29-12 upset of Graves Bros in the first game of their doubleheader, essentially turning their second game of the day with The Replacements into a playoff game. They lost that 32-27, but they should take solace in the fact that they improved just about every week of the season. This is another team that could use just some more time together to gel and could make some strides in the Spring. Their girls are pretty good, but they could definitely use another consistent male player or two. Or they can just sign James “Hitman” Hearn, who apparently subbed in for two games and became the Career TD leader for Shattered Dreams.


Ultimate Warriors:

10th Place in D3

Overall TSL Rank: 43rd

Offensive Rank (Division): 4th

Defensive Rank (Division): 10th


Defense was the biggest issue for the Warriors this season. They went 1-7-1 this year and while they really figured things out on offense with the addition of QB Scott Pinto, their defense was the biggest problem this time around. They’re a better team than their record suggests, but D3 was just a stacked division top to bottom.


3rd and Schlong:

9th Place in D3

Overall TSL Rank: 35th

Offensive Rank (Division): 3rd

Defensive Rank (Division): 9th


This one hurts to write, because I’ve been informed that this is more of an obituary than anything else. 3rd and Schlong just had to win one game, and they’d have made the playoffs, but instead they wound up going 0-2 in a 36-30 loss to End Game and then, in essentially a playoff game, came up short 24-19 against Puckett. It was later announced that 3rd and Schlong was no more, as it appears the team will be splitting apart. The half of the team everyone loves will be going down into a lower division, and the half nobody cares about will allegedly put in a higher division team, only to most likely get smoked by the competition. When 3rd and Schlong first popped onto the scene, they were amazing. They won some games, and quickly became league darlings, going on the podcasts and being seen at all major TSL events. It’s a shame it had to end, but all things eventually do. Maybe we’ll get a reunion tour in the future. Thank you 3AS.


And with those poor, unfortunate souls out of the way, let’s take a look at the first round of the TSL playoffs!




(4) Marketing Mayors (5-4) vs (5) Gryffindor (1-8) (+7)

Overall TSL Rank: Gryffindor 44th, Mayors 21st

Offensive Rank (Division): Gryffindor 5th, Mayors 4th

Defensive Rank (Division): Gryffindor 5th, Mayors 4th

Past Games: Marketing Mayors 46, Gryffindor 41


This hasn’t been the best season for Joey Batts and Co, but they know that. They’re still looking for their first win in D1, and while this is their “best” chance at it, that means nothing. The Mayors are the defending champions, and word has been that they only reason they’ve slipped a bit because they haven’t had the entire roster in a few weeks. That should more than likely change for the playoffs. MARKETING MAYORS BY 10




(2) HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO (7-2) vs (7) Energy Buff (2-7) (+13)

Overall TSL Ranking: HB: 4th, EB: 41st

Offensive Rank (Division): HB: 1st, EB: 7th

Defensive Rank (Division): HB: 2nd, EB: 3rd

Past Games: Team Topper 49, Energy Buff 8


There isn’t much to say here. Team Topper ended up as the second seed (even with a one point loss to A&A last week) due to Topper’s own scheduling quirk that gave Peachy an extra game. They end up with what is essentially a bye week anyway as Energy Buff comes to town to just finish off what has been a season of horrors for the team. They still have FANASTIC women, and honestly the guys that actually show up are great people too, but Energy Buff had too many no shows and roster issues for this to really mean anything for them. Team Topper is just straight up dynamite, and they should roll in this one. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 15


(3) A&A (7-2) vs (6) Dilfs (3-6) (+10)

Overall TSL Ranking: A&A 8th, Dilfs 34th

Offensive Rank (Division): A&A 3rd, Dilfs 4th

Defensive Rank (Division): A&A 6th, Dilfs 5th

Past Games: A&A 45, Dilfs 15


Another case of one of the “Top 3” getting to play against a lower seed that just really can’t keep up in this division. The Dilfs are a good team, there’s no debating that. The problem is that A&A is a great team, especially when everyone shows up. If the Dilfs get Dubey to actually show up and play QB, they’ll have much more of a chance to pull this off, but you have to assume that Matty will have all of his disgustingly good roster ready to go for the playoffs baby. A&A BY 14


(4) Slytherin That End Zone (3-6) vs (5) Bullet Club (3-6) (-3)

Overall TSL Ranking: SITE 31st, BC 32nd

Offensive Rank (Division): SITE 5th, BC 6th

Defensive Rank (Division): SITE 7th, BC 4th

Past Games: SITE 32, Bullet Club 26


This is about as even a game as you can get. Well, at least it should’ve been. SITE QB Matt Newman won’t be available for this game, and as a result Gary is going to have to QB SITE for the playoffs. He was getting reps in last week against Peachy Platoon and the results were “not great”. Bullet Club meanwhile has been playing better in recent weeks, and their 24-6 win over the Dilfs was the type of game you’ve come to expect from them. Good defense, smart play, and with Good Ricky throwing the ball they can beat a lot of teams. Probably not any of the “Top 3”, but a Gary-QB’d SITE team? BULLET CLUB BY 7




(1) No Punt Intended (7-2) vs (8) Puckett All-Stars (3-6) (+8)

Overall TSL Ranking: NPI: 10th, PAS: 33rd

Offensive Rank (Division): NPI 2nd, PAS 9th

Defensive Rank (Division): NPI 1st, PAS 6th

Past Games: No Punt Intended 33, Puckett All-Stars 21


Puckett looks to repeat last season’s championship victory in the same exact way: Get in the playoffs as an 8th seed and upset the 1st seed that everyone assumes will stomp them. Ask End Game about how that worked out for them. I want to assume this is a different outcome, but last season still sticks in the back of my mind. But there’s one big difference that sticks out in my mind. D4 last season wasn’t nearly as good as D3 is this season. For NPI to finish as the 1 seed here, they deserve some real credit. This was a delight to watch this division from afar and whoever would wind up on top just EARNED it. Plus, stats don’t lie, and I can’t imagine Puckett scoring nearly enough to keep up here. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 10


(2) Frodo Swaggins (6-3) vs (7) Vaspian (4-5) (+10)

Overall TSL Ranking: Frodo 13th, Vaspian 29th

Offensive Rank (Division): Frodo 5th, Vaspian 10th

Defensive Rank (Division): Frodo 3rd, Vaspian 7th

Past Games: Frodo Swaggins 30, Vaspian 26


Is that the upset bells I hear? D3 is going to have one big upset, but I’m not entirely sure this is it. Vaspian showed up to the league, and they’ve been great. They’ve played well on the fields, they’ve showed up on the podcast and at the bar, and they just “get it”. They’ve made a QB change midseason, which is always a scary move, but it’s worked out for them as they won enough to make playoffs. Frodo hasn’t been too hot lately, but apparently a lot of that can be contributed to not having the full roster there completely. When everyone is there, Frodo is a very tough team to beat. Expect this one to be closer than you think it’ll be. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3


(3) All We Do Is Quinn (6-3) vs (6) Sticky Bandits (4-5) (+3)

Overall TSL Ranking: AWDIQ 15th, Sticky 25th

Offensive Rank (Division): AWDIQ 1st, Sticky 7th

Defensive Rank (Division): AWDIQ 5th, Sticky 8th

Past Games: Sticky Bandits 39, All We Do Is Quinn 37


Fun Fact: All We Do Is Quinn hasn’t won a game in a month. Seriously, they last won a TSL game on September 21st. Back then, we were anointing them D3 Kings and Queens and my goodness were we wrong. I don’t know what happened to them, or if the league just “figured them out”. Obviously they boast talent, but talent doesn’t always equate to winning games. It’s how you use that talent. And that’s what Sticky does best. Sticky is an underrated 6 seed, as they’ve essentially blown a few games this season due to their stubbornness to continue to trot out Rags at QB when Mike Thomas has been just hanging out, not throwing touchdowns. Word out of multiple TSL informants have told me that Thomas is going to be the official starter at QB this weekend, which means Sticky should be classified as dangerous. There’s going to be one “upset” in D3 for sure this weekend, and I think I’ve found it. STICKY BANDITS BY 3


(4) Jabronies (5-3-1) vs (5) End Game (5-4) (EVEN)

Overall TSL Ranking: Jabronies 17th, End Game 22nd

Offensive Rank (Division): Jabronies 6th, End Game 8th

Defensive Rank (Division): Jabronies 4th, End Game 2nd

Past Games: End Game 25, Jabronies 7


Don’t look now, but End Game is one of the hottest teams in the league right now. They’ve won 3 straight, including the 25-7 win over the Jabronies. The Jabronies haven’t been their best as of late either, which is always a deadly mix. I can’t even really say the 5 over a 4 is an upset, so I won’t, but these two teams DID just play each other not too long ago, and I can’t say whether or not the Jabronies figured out what went wrong. End Game feels like they’re on a different level right now to me. I might be wrong here, but I’m going with my heart: END GAME BY 1




(3) Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (5-4) vs (6) Full Throttle (2-6) (+18)

Overall TSL Ranking: URTT 23rd, FT 39th

Offensive Rank (Division): URTT 3rd, FT 6th

Defensive Rank (Division): URTT 6th, FT 5th

Past Games: Uncle Rico’s 41, Full Throttle 21

Uncle Rico’s 49, Full Throttle 32


This is going to be a blood bath. Uncle Rico’s made some sort of deal with the devil (Just in time for Halloween!) because they went from D4 afterthought to “main contenders to the genders” in the blink of an eye. Full Throttle has just been on the wrong end of way too many lopsided losses, and this is more than likely going to be a swift, quick end to this lost season. I can’t imagine an upset in this scenario, I’m sorry. UNCLE RICO’S TIME TRAVELERS BY 20


(4) Buffalo Solar Solutions (4-5) vs Mountain Dew Me (3-6) (+6)

Overall TSL Ranking: BSS 28th, MDM 36th

Offensive Rank (Division): BSS 4th, MDM 5th

Defensive Rank (Division): BSS 4th, MDM 2nd

Past Games: Buffalo Solar Solutions 29, Mountain Dew Me 22

Buffalo Solar Solutions 45, Mountain Dew Me 20


Shout out to Mountain Dew Me for a mildly successful first season in the TSL! Okay, they were only 3-6, but the league is definitely talking about them. They’re FAST. They’re young, I think. They’re apparently all 5 foot 4 blondes. Good for them. I look forward to seeing where their future in the TSL takes them. They have division championships in their future, just not this season. Buffalo Solar has had what can be described as an up and down season. They played the Stunts close twice, they beat the Angels but also got smacked around by them, and they’ve had some great games with Uncle Rico’s as well. They could very easily have a 6-3 record if a bounce or two goes their way. They’ve had their way with MDM this season, and I expect that we’ll see them move on this week. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 8




(1) Over Compensators (8-1) vs (8) Pink Pteratacos (1-8) (+21)

Overall TSL Ranking: OC 1st, PP 46th

Offensive Rank (Division): OC 1st, PP 8th

Defensive Rank (Division): OC 2nd, PP 5th

Past Games: OC 50, Pink Pteratacos 0 (And a forfeit win too)


This isn’t going to be fair. Can we just get 3rd and Schlong to take the Pteratacos place? I think that’d be much more fair to the eyes of the TSL. The OC lost their perfect season chances last week against their rivals in En Fuego, 36-28. They’re still the best rated team overall in the TSL, and the Pteratacos are 46th, only better than We Back, who were just beyond awful. This is a mismatch, and it won’t be pretty to watch. OVERCOMPENSATORS BY 30


(2) En Fuego (8-1) vs Cobblestone (2-7) (+15)

Overall TSL Ranking: En Fuego 2nd, Cobblestone 40th

Offensive Rank (Division): En Fuego 4th, Cobblestone 7th

Defensive Rank (Division): En Fuego 1st, Cobblestone 3rd

Past Games: En Fuego 21, Cobblestone 0 (Two Forfeits)


This isn’t going to be nearly as bad as the first D5 matchup, but En Fuego should walk away with this one. They came out and beat the OC and got that revenge they wanted, so the next step for Blasé and Co is to make sure they get back to the title game for the rubber match. We don’t know exactly what this matchup will look like on the field, as Cobblestone forfeited both games of a doubleheader with En Fuego not too long ago. There isn’t much else to say here. EN FUEGO BY 13


(3)Hung Buffalo (5-4) vs (6) Come From Behind (3-6) (+9)

Overall TSL Ranking: HB 19th, CFB 38th

Offensive Rank (Division): HB 3rd, CFB 6th

Defensive Rank (Division): HB 4th, CFB 8th

Past Games: Come From Behind 30, Hung Buffalo 20


I’m sorry Hung Buffalo. I just haven’t given you guys the proper amount of credit this season. You’ve had a sneaky good one, and while 5-4 isn’t anything to truly write home about, one look at your positive point differential (the only other team besides OC and En Fuego to do so) shows me the league is sleeping on you. Everyone loves Come From Behind, I get it. But they’re not very good. They’re still last in the division on defense and while its not by the biggest of margins, it still exists. They can’t stop anyone, and HB is coming to town with a pretty nice offense. I know that CFB did beat HB earlier in the season, but things have been different since that game. HUNG BUFFALO BY 10


(4) Practice Squad (5-4) vs (5) Hope N Ruin (4-5) (+2)

Overall TSL Ranking: PS 20th, HNR 27th

Offensive Rank (Division): PS 5th, HNR 2nd

Defensive Rank (Division): PS 6th, HNR 7th

Past Games: Practice Squad 49, Hope N Ruin 46


This going to be one hell of a game. I spent a good chunk of this season singing Practice Squad’s praises, as they started off pretty well in the division. I’m not saying they’re playing poorly by any means, but Week 9 Practice Squad just feels, well, different to me as opposed to say, Week 3 PS. Meanwhile, Hope N Ruin has been running through the league quite nicely. I had said many times that if they get hot, watch out. Well, they got hot. They have the division’s second highest scoring offense, and they’re 4-1 in their last five. When a game feels like it’s a pick ‘em, I have to go with the hot hand. HOPE N RUIN BY 3




(1) Zack Attack (7-2) vs (8) Wild Oak Beard Co. (3-6) (+9)

Overall TSL Ranking: ZA 5th, WOBCO 37th

Offensive Rank (Division): ZA 1st, WOBCO 9th

Defensive Rank (Division): ZA 4th, WOBCO 6th

Past Games: Zack Attack 34, Wild Oak 15


Zack Attack was the beneficiary of winning the three-way tie at the top of the standings here. Their reward is an underseeded WOBCO team, whose forfeit last week caused a pretty nice shakeup in the standings for sure, and it could’ve been even worse! Had Shattered Dreams defeated The Replacements, there’s a chance WOBCO’s forfeit could’ve cost them a playoff spot. Now, the forfeit did lead to some misleading things here. WOBCO averaged about 25 points a game before the 0, which would’ve put them around the 6th or 7th best offense. The defense would’ve taken a hit though. It doesn’t matter much though. Zack Attack has been one of the best teams in the division pretty much all year. While the first week of the season victory can’t give us much to go on as both teams were just figuring things out, I think it’ll still serve as a blueprint for how this one goes. ZACK ATTACK BY 10


(2) TMA (7-2) vs (7) The Replacements (4-5) (+13)

Overall TSL Rank: TMA 6th, The Replacements: 30th

Offensive Rank (Division): TMA 2nd, The Replacements 7th

Defensive Rank (Division): TMA 1st, The Replacements 9th

Past Games: TMA 41, The Replacements 18


TMA is f’n good. They lost two games this season, and one was Week 1 where they didn’t have their awesome new QB Ryan, and the other was an 8 point loss the to the pAssless Chaps, which isn’t a bad loss at all. They pretty much blew everyone else out, holding their opponents in each win to under 18 points, with the weird anomaly of a 32-31 victory against Blitzkrieg. The Replacements may be lucky to be in the playoffs at all, and while they gutted out 4 victories this season, I can’t possibly figure out a way that they’ll be able to keep scoring enough to keep up with TMA. It always feels like this might be the year for TMA, but this might actually be it. TMA BY 17


(3) pAssless Chaps (7-2) vs (6) Tater Tots (4-5) (+10)

Overall TSL Rank: Chaps 7th, Tots 26th

Offensive Rank (Division): Chaps 5th, Tots 6th

Defensive Rank (Division): Chaps 2nd, Tots 7th

Past Games: pAssless Chaps 29, Tater Tots 12


TOTS VS FRIES 2.0!!! Honestly, the Tater Tots might be my favorite brand new team, just from what I hear about them at the bar and that they’re allegedly in great spirits a lot. Dave Marcus seems like a pretty good guy from what I heard on the podcast, and I really wish them all the best in their future in the TSL. They’re just what the league needs more of. With that said, as much as I want them to win the second bet (BECAUSE THERE SHOULD BE A SECOND BET), the Chaps are in another world. Ever since Coach Jay joined the team last year, this once directionless team has really gelled together. They were VERY close to winning the D6 title last season, and there’s no reason that they couldn’t go that extra step further. They aren’t going to sleep on the Tots though, as tempting as it is to look ahead to a probable matchup with their rivals, TMA. Sorry Tots. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 12


(4) Graves Bros (5-3-1) vs The Bi-Polar Express (4-4-1) (EVEN)

Overall TSL Rank: Bros 16th, BPX 24th

Offensive Rank (Division): Bros 4th, BPX 5th

Defensive Rank (Division): Bros 3rd, BPX 5th

Past Games: The Bi-Polar Express 16, Graves Bros 16


Welp, here’s a fantastic game for everyone. Last time these two teams met, it was a tie. From that game, Graves Bros went 3-2 down the stretch, although they did lose one game with one 5 people last week. BPX fared much, much worse. Once the top team in the division at 4-0-1, they’re on a 4 game losing streak. Granted, they had to go through the three top teams in the division during this stretch, and they apparently had attendance issues, but things don’t look nearly as promising for the “other” gender team in the TSL as it once did. On top of that, Gordon won’t be there to QB, so Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes is filling in at QB. Reports are mixed on whether that helps or not. Honestly? I think Tommy brings a better football mind to the team, and that could be the boost this team needs. THE BI-POLAR EXPRESS BY 3




1.      Which high seed is most likely to be upset in the first round of the playoffs? All We Do Is Quinn. I’m not even trying to pile on here, but I think they’re ripe for an upset and I think Sticky can absolutely beat them.


2.      Which low seed has the best chance to win the division championship? I’m going to say that “low” seeds are anyone ranked 4th and below here. With that, I’ll take Buffalo Solar Solutions. They’ve already shown that they can beat the Angels at full strength, so perhaps it’s their time.



3.      How many 1 seeds will win their championships? Anything and everything usually happens in these playoffs. Of the 6 #1 seeds, I’ll say that only TWO of them win their respective titles – Over Compensators and Matty’s Angels.

4.      Then who are your predictions for the title winners? Public Enemy, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO, Frodo Swaggins, Matty’s Angels, Over Compensators, and TMA.


5.      Those are all boring, who would you pick for the titles that wouldn’t be nearly as obvious, but plausible? Tight Ends In Motion, Peachy Platoon, Sticky Bandits, Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers, Practice Squad, The Bi-Polar Express.





1.      All of the playoff games are “must see”, but here’s my best games of the hour:


a.      10:00 – No Punt Intended vs Puckett All-Stars – Field 3

b.      11:00 – Jabronies vs End Game – Field 3

c.       12:00 – All We Do Is Quinn vs Sticky Bandits – Field 1

d.      1:00 – Practice Squad vs Hope N Ruin – Field 2

e.      2:00 – Graves Bros vs The Bi-Polar Express – Field 3

f.        3:00 – Hung Buffalo vs Come From Behind – Field 1


2.      I listen to both of these podcasts and I can’t help but wonder what Lenny would be thinking right now. It’s like Lenny split in half and there’s bits and pieces of him littered throughout both shows.


3.      I talked to Topper last weekend, and he was absolutely taken aback and touched by all of you who took the time to offer your condolences about Gunther, sign the card, share a drink, bring pictures, and everything else that was super cool I heard happen. Way to take care of one of our own people.



4.      The weather out here in the 515 on Saturday is looking like 66 degrees and rain, lucky for you guys it seems like the 716 is going to be PERFECT football weather, mostly sunny and 58 degrees. Seriously, wear sunscreen.


5.      I already gave them a heartfelt goodbye, but seriously the league won’t be the same with out 3rd and Schlong all together. It seems like just yesterday they were making weird terrorist videos and coming out with new swag all of the time.


6.      It seems Joe K is going to start a new gender team. I have no idea how good he is at QB, but at the very least it’s good to see that SOMEONE realized just how much female talent this league has that isn’t being utilized by a ladies team. I’ve heard whispers that there’s another one or two out there potentially as well.



7.      Topper has informed me that the ANNUAL TSL BANQUET is looking like January 3rd. Now, he has to book a place and stuff before that’s finalized, but this is like your Save the Date. It’s subject to change, but that’s the target date for now. BE PREPARED FOR THE BEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE.


8.      Costume Bowl is happening on October 26th after all of the championship games are played. Emily and Joe K have already compiled a list of TSLers that are going to be donning costumes and preparing to have the time of their lives that day. There may also be a TSL costume bar crawl afterwards as well. We’re going to go out with a bang it seems!



9.      Look, I know that you’ve waited so long to finally be able to play a playoff game to win the race for Social Co-Ed football immortality, but can we take a second and remember that this is one Co-Ed touch football, and you’re not playing Tom Brady? Take it easy on the girls, the refs have been instructed to throw flags on ANY FEMALE CONTACT BY A MALE, which is actually the rule. Intent does NOT matter. Just seriously, be smart. Or at least as smart as you can be.


10.   For the most part though, we’ve had a hell of a season. There seems to be a lot of cool new faces over there, and we’ve played a LOT of good football together. Let’s not ruin it and instead continue to build on it. Remember, we’re a family here, and not the fight all the time broken family. No, this league is about being respectful and close with one another, and I’d like to see you all keep it going in that direction.



Good luck out there, all of you. I don’t know what surprises the magic of the TSL has in store for you all this weekend, but there’s going to be some great games and interesting winners happening. Go get ‘em.

Championship Saturday Thoughts, Picks & Predictions

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 25 October 2019 10:02
Published: Friday, 25 October 2019 10:02
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1992


It’s pretty safe to say that was one of the wildest Saturdays in a long time.


I tried to warn you. There is no way that the calamity that is the Race for Social Co-ed Football Immortality ever goes “chalk”. We have blowouts, upsets, comebacks, buzzer beaters, and so much more, that our first round of the playoffs is ONLY rivaled by the first two days of the NCAA March Madness tournament. There are cinderellas and bracket busters all over the place, across all of our divisions. It is, in a word: Exciting.


A typical Saturday for me isn’t crazy exciting. I do a few things around the cabin, maybe run a few errands. Really fun stuff, I know. But this past weekend, I found myself on my phone, getting information on the games in the playoffs and really, really wishing I was there in person.


It started early. 9:41 to be exact. (Remember, Des Moines is an hour behind those of you in Buffalo). It was one simple email to start.


“Puckett is beating up on No Punt Intended pretty good. Looks like the upset of the day happened early.”


Naturally, this piqued my interest and I asked for more information. And, I got it. While I meant more about the Puckett/NPI game, another email came in a little later:


“Gryffindor just beat Marketing Mayors!!”


I fist pumped, not going to lie. Sorry Mayors, it isn’t you, it’s the story. And then another email 3 minutes later.


“Bullet Club came back from down like 20 points in the second half to beat SITE”


All of that action, and it was only the first group of games. And they were emails from three different people. The TSL was watching, and magic was happening. I was riveted, getting information about these games about this football league that I love that are states away. Before I knew it, the following emails piled up:


“I think you cursed Quinn lol. Sticky is pounding them.”


“Dilf’s beat A&A”

“Tots defended against Fries much better this time, but still lost”


“End Game looked really good against Jabronies, won easily”


So much fun happened on the fields, and apparently some fireworks happened off them as well. This is what we play for. THIS IS WHAT SOCIAL CO-ED FOOTBALL IS ALL ABOUT!


We’re down to our final 24 (Wait no, 25 still) teams. Who among them will take home the championship? Who will walk into the Topper Sports League Banquet on January 3rd (mark your calendars now) as the best of the best? Let’s try to figure it out. . .



Last Week’s Score:

(5) Gryffindor 36, (4) Marketing Mayors 28


Odds to Win The Championship:

Eyes Downtown 2-1

Public Enemy 3-1

Tight Ends In Motion 8-1

Gryffindor 15-1


Gryffindor got a win, and it was over the defending champions! There will be a new champion in the TSL’s highest division.


(1) Eyes Downtown vs (5) Gryffindor (+8)

Past Games: Eyes Downtown 48, Gryffindor 45

Eyes Downtown 35, Gryffindor 0

Okay, it was fun while it lasted. Gryffindor got their much needed win against a banged up Mayors squad, but now they’re going up against the main event here. Eyes Downtown has been the cream of the crop in the division this entire season, and while that means NOTHING in the playoffs, ED just feels destined to play in the D1 final this season. Expect to see more of the 48-45 game than the 35-0 game here, but I’ll take the division’s top ranked offense over it’s lowest ranked defense anytime. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 6


(2) Public Enemy vs (3) Tight Ends In Motion (+3)

Past Games: Public Enemy 31, Tight Ends In Motion 22


Somehow, in a division of 5 teams, these two have only played once so far. That can’t be right. It doesn’t matter. Tight Ends boasts the division’s top ranked defense AND its second ranked offense. (PE IS 2nd and 3rd) They have the greatest point differential by far. So why aren’t they favored? Shouldn’t they win this game? Well, a deeper look at things shows us that TEIM went 0-2 against PE and Eyes Downtown, while they beat up on A&A, Gryffindor (3 times), and played the Mayors 3 times as well. The stats are a bit skewed here. That isn’t to say TEIM isn’t a great team. They are, and they keep getting better, but for now, they’re still relegated to “little brother” status with the big boys. This wasn’t Public Enemy’s finest season, as they’ve struggled through some attendance issues, and I think by the final whistle on Saturday, people are really going to remember just who they are. PUBLIC ENEMY BY 10


So, who wins? Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy is what I’m going with. These two teams hate each other, and it’s going to be awesome to watch them battle for the D1 title. By the time the smoke clears, I really think we’ll see Public Enemy finish the job that they couldn’t last season.



Last Week’s Scores:

(5) Bullet Club 45, (4) Slytherin That End Zone 42

(6) Dilfs 27, (3) A&A 22

(1) HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 24, (7) Energy Buff 14


Odds To Win The Championship:


Peachy Platoon 5-1

Bullet Club 15-1

Dilfs 16-1


Things were a bit crazy in D2, that’s for sure. Team Topper handled Energy Buff, but still only won by 10 points. Bullet Club “upset” SITE, but I hardly ever consider a 4-5 matchup an upset. The story here was that SITE went up big early, before blowing leads of 24 and 22 points in the second half. Newman wasn’t supposed to show up, and then he did. Team Captain Gary took it upon himself to email me his side of what happened in this game, and he wasn’t happy with the Offensive Pass Interference call that took 6 points off the board for SITE, and gave BC the ball back for their final, game winning drive. He also told me to give shout outs to his lesser known players that are pretty great. Chris Shriver was just nominated for an award (Go read The Rant) at this year’s banquet, so he’s getting noticed. I’ve mentioned Dawson being important before, but a shout out to the “strong, big bodied, quick bald guy with the fantastic beard” named Lex too. There aren’t enough people named Lex in the world, so he’s easily the third most important Lex of all time, falling just behind Luthor and Luger. The Dilfs and A&A played a low scoring, weird game that was apparently 9-7 at halftime. The Dilfs scored right after halftime and before you knew it, A&A just couldn’t catch up to them. This all leads us to:


(1) Peachy Platoon vs (6) Dilfs  (+9)

Past games: Peachy Platoon 31, Dilfs 29


These two teams played a heck of a game during the regular season. Now I’m hearing that the Dilfs are trotting out some “people who have been on the roster but haven’t actually played any games” heroes (hi Josh!) to help them in the playoffs. It’s legal, so there’s nothing wrong with it. The Platoon may still be reeling a little bit as Dean was seen on the sidelines last week still in some sort of hand contraption, so he’s still hurt. Travis is entering “Good Travis” and “Bad Travis” zones with his QB play, so a lot of this game will depend on if Dubey shows up, and if he doesn’t, which Travis plays. I still think Peachy is going to be just too fast for the Dilfs in this one, and they’ll walk away with this one. PEACHY PLATOON BY 7


(2) HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs (6) Bullet Club (+12)

Past games: Team Topper 28, Bullet Club 6


The last game these two teams played tells us nothing, as it was the “Joe K had to play QB” game. If there’s anything here is that HOFBRAUHAUS only scored 28 last time they played, so if Good Ricky comes to play, maybe there’s a puncher’s chance for BC. Energy Buff also held Team Topper to a low 24 points last week, so maybe Topper’s 62 year old shoulder is finally giving out on him? Good Ricky or not, I can’t expect BC to keep pace with HB on the scoreboard here. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10


So who wins? Team Topper has the division’s best offense, and second best defense. Peachy is the opposite, being best defense and second best offense. They have the same point differential. This game is going to be VERY, VERY close, but at the end of the day, look for Team Topper to pull this one out.



Last Week’s Scores:

(8) Puckett All-Stars 36, (1) No Punt Intended 8

(2) Frodo Swaggins 44, (7) Vaspian 18

(6) Sticky Bandits 33, (3) All We Do Is Quinn 7

(5) End Game 39, (4) Jabronies 12


Odds To Win The Championship:

Frodo Swaggins 4-1

End Game 6-1

Sticky Bandits 6-1

Puckett All-Stars 8-1


Yes everyone, it’s THAT close. Puckett walked right up to the number one seed for the second straight season and smacked them in the mouth. It wasn’t even a close game, Puckett won this handily. Yes, NPI didn’t have Kyle at QB or Elena at all. But that doesn’t excuse losing by 28 points. I talked a bit with Ashley, the PAS captain. I wanted to know who the big stand outs are on this largely unknown team. She proceeded to tell me that there wasn’t one person to really name. That everyone knows what to do, and does their job. There’s a reason this team has won FOUR championships. (Don’t worry, I forgot they changed their name a few times too). She did say TJ the QB is CLUTCH in the playoffs though, and I mean, she’s not wrong. Frodo came out and beat up on Vaspian, making them the only “top” seed to move on in D3. That gives them the best odds to walk off the fields as D3 champs, but NOT SO FAST. Sticky Bandits and End Game are still alive in these playoffs. End Game manhandled the Jabronies in round 1, and they’ve been arguably the hottest team in the entire league in the second half of the season. Sticky is a much different animal. They’ve been messing around a bit at QB this season, largely due to the hand (finger?) injury to Alex. While most of the league assumed they’d go back to Mike Thomas for the playoffs (he was clearly the better QB between himself and Rags this season), it was never actually a given according to Jeff Krol (yeah, I emailed a few people this week, deal with it) who said it was never a guarantee (He would go on to say that Rags was an extremely effective QB before his injuries and that he will be again soon) that Mike Thomas starting in the playoffs as Sticky may have been “willing to take a beating to some degree” in the regular season as a way to figure out the optimal lineup for the games that matter. Well, we’re here.


(2) Frodo Swaggins vs (8) Puckett All-Stars (+6)

Past Games: Frodo 30, Puckett 20


Newsflash: This game is going to be a lot closer than you think it will be. Frodo has the, well, Swagger for this one. They know they got lucky with Quinn and NPI getting booted from the playoffs. Say what you will about Scotty’s off the field game, but his on the field game is very strong. He may not be as consistent as he’d like, but he’s one of the league’s best new QBs, regardless of anything else. Personally, I’m rooting for Puckett. It’s such a good story, and I won’t lie, the was Ashley spoke of her team to me this week won me over. They’re close knit, and that’s what we’re all about here in the TSL. This one hurts, but FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3


(5) End Game vs (6) Sticky Bandits (EVEN)

Past Game: Sticky Bandits 25, End Game 8


So, Sticky won the only meeting between these teams. It was much earlier in the season however, and it was before things on End Game seemed to really click. (Or they’re all using steroids and they finally kicked in midway through the season) Mr. Krol really raved about his safety combo of Dave Baker and Brian (I want to say Stevens?) and how hard they make things on opposing offenses. I’m hoping End Game can figure that out quickly or it may be a long day for them. The teams have similar offenses from the regular season (although Thomas at QB improves those numbers) but while Sticky’s defense has been good, End Game’s was still 2nd in the league and they proceeded to shut down the Jabronies last week. This is as even as a game can get, and the one I’d want to watch for sure. STICKY BANDITS BY 1


So who wins? The fans. Honestly when I make these predictions I really hope to go 1-1, but theres a 50% chance I went 0-2. This division was the absolute best top to bottom all year, and they’re going to go out with a bang. I will be 0% surprised at who wins this championship. All are deserving. But I have to pick one, and I truly believe that we’ll be partying down Main Street in Sticky Nation when all is said and done.



Last Week’s Scores:

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 29, Full Throttle 6

Buffalo Solar Solutions 38, Mountain Dew Me 27


Odds To Win The Championship:

Matty’s Angels 2-1

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 4-1

Cunning Stunts 5-1

Buffalo Solar Solutions 10-1


Not too much to see here this week. Uncle Rico’s has continued their run of dominance with a relatively easy win over Full Throttle. Buffalo Solar, however, had to earn their win against Mountain Dew Me. After talking to Dan, the captain of BSS, he let me know that this game was very close, and that MDM was winning this game halfway through the second half. A lot of that was their inability to stop the deep ball, and then they had issues with drops as well. After some adjustments, they clearly found the end zone a bit more.


(1) Matty’s Angels vs (4) Buffalo Solar Solutions (+8)

Past Games: Matty’s Angels 54, BSS 12

BSS 46, Angels 43


Let’s see here. BSS beats the Angels. The Angels get mad at beat the crap out of BSS for revenge. That was with Bobby at QB I believe, but either way, I expect the game to be closer than a blowout. We all know the Angels are great, etc, etc. They obliterated a whole bunch of teams this year. But BSS DID beat them in an even game. One of those reasons? Brett Cole. He’s “generally good for one or two picks a game and wins contested catches on offense regularly”. Another reason? Mallory, the unsung hero on defense. She just sells out on every play. The Angels are going to be pretty fresh and really ready to regain their title. Matty won’t be dying of sunstroke this time around, and he doesn’t have 15 games to play. As a result, Its just too hard to bet against them. MATTYS ANGELS BY 7


(2) Cunning Stunts vs (3) Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN)

Past Games: Cunning Stunts 52, URTT 27

URTT 62, Stunts 44

URTT 54, Stunts 53


Well, the first time these two met, the Stunts smacked around Rico’s pretty easily. And then the entire season changed for the Time Travelers. Since then, they’re on a incredible 6-0 run, with again, two wins over the Stunts. This game is only even because of respect for the Stunts, but they’re only 2-3 in their last 5, and both wins were by a point a piece. I can’t exactly say that they’re lighting the league on fire. I’m going with the hot hand here. UNCLE RICOS TIME TRAVELERS BY 2


So who wins? I don’t think we’ll be getting a gender battle rematch, even if that’s what I know the Angels are hoping for. With this year’s D4, we essentially saw every matchup multiple times. However, we didn’t get to see the Angels take on the “new” Rico’s. This is a game that you should bet the over, even when it’s set at 85 points. I think the Angels stand tall in the end, however.



Last Week’s Scores:

(1) Over Compensators 38, (8) Pink Pteratacos 26

(7) Cobblestone 26, (2) En Fuego 23*

(3) Hung Buffalo 47, (6) Come From Behind 12

(4) Practice Squad 40, (5) Hope N Ruin 30


Odds To Win The Championship:

Over Compensators 2-1

En Fuego 4-1

Hung Buffalo 8-1

Practice Squad 9-1

Cobblestone 50-1


Yes, there’s 5 teams remaining. And no, I don’t get to give you game predictions because we have no idea who’s playing who yet. Why? Well, as anyone in the league with a pulse will tell you, we had some, um, issues in the original En Fuego/Cobblestone game. Cobblestone beat En Fuego on their own. Apparently, there was a few roster checks that got thrown around and “yada yada yada”, now we have a rematch. I’m not entirely sure it’s fair to Cobblestone and their awesome victory to be taken away, but I’m not the powers that be, and quite frankly, it doesn’t matter what I (or any of us) think in this scenario. The bottom line is that for Cobblestone or En Fuego to win the title, they need to win three straight games. The OC cruised to a win against the Pteratacos, nothing too special there. Hung Buffalo blew out Come From Behind by 35 points. Practice Squad defeated Hope N Ruin in a closer game than the others, obviously.


So, who wins? The truth is that this was always meant to be The OC vs En Fuego. And then En Fuego lost, and in a last ditch effort to save their season, they got an extra life. Now the division has learned that they can be beaten with some man coverage and a little bit of magic. I’d love to see Hung Buffalo or Practice Squad take them out before they even get to the finals, just for the story. But this season has been mainly about how dominant the OC was. They’re my pick to win this one.



Last Week’s Games:

(1) Zack Attack 26, (8) Wild Oak Beard Co 20

(2) TMA 22, (7) The Replacements 21

(3) pAssless Chaps 23, (6) Tater Tots 20

(5) The Bi-Polar Express 44, (4) Graves Bros 38


Odds To Win The Championship:

TMA 3-1

pAssless Chaps 4-1

Zack Attack 4-1

The Bi-Polar Express 12-1


Zack Attack survived Wild Oak Beard Co, pulling out the victory late in the game and avoiding being another 1 seed to lose on Day 1. The pAssless Chaps got a much better game out of the Tots than they did the last time these two met. The Tots were driving at the end of the game to pull out the win, but the Chaps got a nice pick in the end zone to end the game. Bi-Polar Express got by Graves Bros on the strength of Tommy Hughes’ arm. Just kidding. It’s their great group of girls who truly know how to ball out, while I had heard that Katie Swanson, the Graves Bros’ best girl (and maybe player) missed out. Never a good recipe for beating a gender team. TMA squeaked a win out against The Replacements, but they were going to have to forfeit anyway.


(1) Zack Attack vs (5) The Bi-Polar Express (+8)

Past Games: Zack Attack 27, Bi-Polar Express 24


The last time these two met, it started BPX’s downwards spiral in the second half of the season. Zack Attack won, but not by much. These two teams are pretty close in offense (ZA 1st, BPX 3rd) and defense (4th and 5th). Zack Attack didn’t look wonderful against WOBCO, and they may be the weakest 1 seed (relative to their division) we have this session. However, BPX is at a disadvantage with having to play at the same time as TMA (the whole losing 4 players things). I would’ve picked BPX at full strength, but the roster losses may be too much. ZACK ATTACK BY 7


(2) TMA vs (3) pAssless Chaps (EVEN)

Past Games: pAssless Chaps 26, TMA 18


Let’s get ready to fire up this rivalry. These two teams don’t like each other very much, and there’s nothing quite like adding in the playoffs to throw some more gas on that fire. The Chaps beat TMA earlier in the season, and there’s good reason to believe that this battle is between the top two teams in the division. As long as Coach Jay can keep on truckin’ with the offense, the Chaps can win the whole thing. But, ‘can’ and ‘will’ are two different things. TMA has just FELT like the team of destiny in D6 all season. They have the best defense in perhaps the entire league, and when they’re at full strength its hard to stop their offense as well. If they can just stay out of their own heads and just play their game, they’ll be battling for the title. TMA BY 3


So who wins? I think the “real” championship game is the 2v3 matchup between TMA and the Chaps. I like Zack Attack, and they’re welcome for the extra motivation I’m tossing their way right now, but I just feel like the entire season has been about TMA finally getting on the same page and getting the pieces they needed to win it all. The Rose Garden will be rocking, and hopefully the moonshine will be flowing when TMA takes this home.




1. How’s that weather looking? Too many of our Fall Sessions have ended with Championship Saturday having the worst kind of weather. Downpours, snow, wind…you name it, it’s happened. Yet, through the magic of Lenny Alba, you guys are looking at 56 degress and mostly cloudy. It’s not the warmest it could be, but it’ll be beautiful.


2. What’s the Game of the Day? Well, there’s going to be a few slobberknockers for sure, but I think the matchup between End Game and Sticky Bandits is going to be awesome in D3.


3. Could En Fuego or Cobblestone really win three games in a row? I don’t believe that Cobblestone would be able to win three in a row. They won’t have any breaks either. En Fuego is a great team themselves, but they may find themselves having trouble with Hung Buffalo in the second game when they’re looking past them at the OC.


4. What’s going to be the biggest upset to look out for? Puckett can upset Frodo. They’re just masters of slaying top seeds. Look out for Buffalo Solar to shock the Angels too.


5. Do you think it’s okay to ask for a Roster Check? Of course it is, it’s in the rules. Personally, I grew up playing sports saying I’d play the best team someone else could put out there. But there’s NO REASON to give someone grief if they ask for a check. When TMA asked at the beginning of their game, a few sideline watchers snickered and discouraged it, but they were well within their rights. That’s the proper way to do it by the way, ask DURING the game, or at least just before or after it. Everyone giving crap to En Fuego shouldn’t be, but I understand why asking a few hours later was looked down upon.




1.  Here are your “Games of the Day” best viewing schedule:

               a. 10:00 – Public Enemy vs Tight Ends In Motion – Field 2

               b. 11:00 – Watch the D1 final on Field 1

               c. 12:00 – End Game vs Sticky Bandits – Field 2

               d. 1:00 – D3 Final on Field 1

               e. 2:00 – D4 Final on Field 1

               f.  3:00 – D6 Final on Field 3

               g. 4:00ish – Costume Bowl – Field ?


2. That’s right, don’t forget that the Costume Bowl is happening sometime around 4-4:30! Come watch the fun, or BRING YOUR OWN COSTUME AND JOIN IN!!! It’s a hoot, and it’ll be a great way to say goodbye to the season.




4. So many people who haven’t played in Breakfast Club have asked about it this session. Let’s hope they keep that enthusiasm when Topper starts looking for sign ups in March.


5. I’d be willing to bet lots of money that there will be 1, maybe 2, TSL Wine Tours in the offseason.


6. Alternate Universe Championship Picks: Eyes Downtown, Peachy Platoon, Frodo Swaggins, Uncle Rico’s, Practice Squad, The Bi-Polar Express.


7. When you’re walking around the fields this week, give Topper a hug, and then IMMEDIATELY ASK HIM FOR PICTURES OF HIS ADORABLE NEW PUPPY JACKSON! He’s only 4 months old, and he’s cute as a button! Congrats to Uncle Topper, and welcome to the TSL Jackson!


8. Would you be interested in a TSL poker tournament this offseason? If so, email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it..


9. I’ll be sending an end of the season survey out to team captains in the next week or two. I’d really like a lot of the league’s feedback on a few things. Be sure to fill it out!


10. I’ve been writing this article for way too many years now, but I still love it. I had such a great time talking to new people about their teams this week, and I really hope all of you enjoy reading this as much as I’ve love writing it.


Good luck to everyone this weekend. Be safe. Wear sunscreen. Check Rosters. Enjoy.



Week 8 thoughts, picks, advice and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 11 October 2019 12:38
Published: Friday, 11 October 2019 12:38
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 2073


Well, we’re here.


A long, sometimes grueling, season has reached its final week. It’s always bittersweet when the TSL gets to this point. While the excitement of the playoffs and discovering just who will reach Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is ramping up, it also means we’re ever so close to the end of our season, which means we won’t gather again as a whole for a few months.


From my view in Des Moines, it seems like everything has been good. There’s been some great football out there, complete with its share of surprises, upsets, and a dash of drama. Just like everyone else, I’m REALLY ready for the playoffs. Week 8 will be a great time at the Rose Garden, as any TSL week usually is, but right now it just feels like the league is mostly on autopilot as teams are gearing up for the real battles next week. This week does have its share of story lines throughout each division, so let’s take a look and dive into the fun stuff:



Last Week’s Games:

Tight Ends In Motion 42, A&A 17 (Crossover Game)

Public Enemy 45, HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO 22 (Crossover Game)


What’s at stake:  Can Gryffindor get that victory?


That’s all we had last week. Two crossover games where the D1 teams smacked the snot out of the D2 teams. Now, it’s my understanding that A&A was missing like, everyone. But none of that really matters. The QB Power Rankings article beat me to it, but D1 went 5-0 in the crossover games this season, with a combined score of 212-92. It’s more than safe to say that this experiment went better last season. So where does that leave you, D1? I know how you’re feeling. You’ve been in this state of (and here’s that word again) autopilot for a few weeks now. You can only play the same 4 teams so many times. But the biggest story line for this division is at 10:00 as Joey Batts takes the field with Gryffindor one last time this season to get that elusive first victory against Tight Ends in Motion. What else is there to say? Bobby owns the rest of you this season. It’s Eyes Downtown’s title for the taking, and the rest of you aren’t inspiring hope that you can take him down. The defending champion Marketing Mayors haven’t looked as much for a good chunk of the season, but man they still look better than whatever Public Enemy has become. For PE, they’ve lost a few more games this season than they have in the last few seasons combined. But the real game it seems that they’re losing is the battle with Father Time. I don’t have bad things to say about Tight Ends. They’re on their 17th QB in 3 seasons, but it seems that maybe, just mayyyybe they’ve found one for good. Either way, it still seems like the games this week don’t really matter that much. It feels like they haven’t in a few weeks. It’ll be next week when we see who is who, and (hopefully) some teams remind us just who they are. For now though, I’ll just congratulate Bobby, Beth, Jeff, Joey, and the rest of the ED crew on their championship.


This Week’s Games:


Eyes Downtown vs Public Enemy (+7) – There’s not much to say about this rivalry game that hasn’t been said a few times this season. ED is rolling, but if anything is going to get PE going hard it’s going to be this game. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 4


Marketing Mayors vs Tight Ends In Motion (+8) – The Mayors need a nice outing before the playoffs start next week as well, and if they’re sleeping on TEIM, they could blow this game. TEIM is the hungriest team in D1, and they want to win and prove they belong. They know they do, but its time to show the rest of the TSL they do too. They’re close to “popping”. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 1



Last Week’s Games:

Peachy Platoon 39, Schilling ‘Em Softly 22



What’s at Stake: The First Round bye, and potential tie breaker chaos.


A quiet week in D2 came through, and while it should’ve given us this amazing battle for first place, it didn’t even provide that as Team Topper rolled A&A like they were We Back. Peachy Platoon rolled through their game as well. This week, however, brings us a bit of fun. There’s currently a 3 way dance of doom atop the standings in D2 as Team Topper, A&A, and Peachy all have 18 points, and double the wins of anyone else in the division. The 4-7 seeds have zero chance of catching them, so those will be your top seeds for the playoffs. But who gets the bye? Well, luckily, we get HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs A&A part two this week, and the winner will stake their claim to getting the first round free pass, thanks to We Back never being back at all. However, Peachy Platoon has a doubleheader against SITE this time around, and due to a schedule quirk that was made long ago, they will, indeed, play more games than A&A and Team Topper. Of course at the time, there wasn’t a bye week to be won, so it shouldn’t have mattered as much as it looks like its going to. There’s an outside chance that Dilfs, SITE, Bullet Club, and Energy Buff all end up with a 3-6 record, and it’ll be a lot of tiebreaking fun to figure that mess out. How that happens: SITE loses twice to Peachy Platoon (plausible), Dilfs lose to Team Topper (Probable), Dilfs lose to Bullet Club (They won on the last play of the game a few weeks ago), and Energy Buff beats the We Back replacement squad (potentially!). That’d be a fun mess.


This Week’s Games:

HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS Dilfs (+10) – The Dilf’s will give Team Topper a run for their money for a little bit, and could catch them looking ahead to the more important game with A&A. But in the end, Topper pulls it out, because they realize that this win is huge if they end up losing to A&A later on. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 13


HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO VS A&A (+3) – I’ll start by saying that I personally think Team Topper is the best team in D2 overall. But A&A has Matty, and like him or not, he wins big football games. As fun as it would be to dream there, the HB Defense is just lights out, and they’re going to prove it this week. HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO BY 10


Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone (+9) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - The Platoon can just win two games against their heated rivals (Remember these two killed each other in D3 last session) and walk away with a bye week, which is highly needed since Dean has his thumb injury now. (WAY TO GO NIXON) I doubt he heals even with the extra time, but he’s a gamer and may just try to play in the playoffs anyway. There’s NOTHING SITE would love more than playing spoiler against Peachy this week. Barring any more injuries or missing persons, I don’t think it happens. PEACHY BY 10, PEACHY BY 3


Dilfs vs Bullet Club (+7) – These two teams are close in record, and as mentioned a BC win would give them identical 3-6 records. But, it doesn’t FEEL like they’re that close. Dilfs have felt all season like they should have a better W/L but based on some inconsistencies, they just do not. This game was a classic last time they met, but that was Chris Nelson’s only BC appearance as well. Look for the Dilfs to smack Bullet Club this time around. DILFS BY 13


Energy Buff vs Schilling ‘Em Softly (EVEN) – There’s so much I don’t know about this game. Who’s playing for SES? Who’s actually showing up for EB? If both teams trotted out their full rosters, I’d actually take SES here, but with so much uncertainty, I’ll go with ENERGY BUFF BY 1.



Last Week’s Games:

Vaspian 28, Ultimate Warriors 22

Jabronies 34, Vaspian 18

End Game 25, Jabronies 7

Frodo Swaggins 38, All We Do Is Losee 36

No Punt Intended 42, Ultimate Warriors 35


What’s at Stake:  Not 1st place, since NPI wrapped that up. Playoff spots are definitely on the line though.


What a fun week in the TSL’s best division! There really isn’t that much decided as we enter our final week. No Punt Intended (thanks in part to the fall of AWDIQ, who were undefeated until Kasey became enamored with Scotty Dro) walks home with #1 overall seed in the playoffs. The Ultimate Warriors finished 1-7-1 and are eliminated from postseason competition. After that? Anything can happen. Frodo Swaggins could beat Sticky this week and knock Quinn down another peg. A Frodo loss bumps Jabronies up to 3rd and they don’t even have a game. While End Game and Sticky are in the playoffs, there’s no guarantee for Vaspian (3-5), 3rd and Schlong (3-4), and Puckett All-Stars (2-5). Two of these teams will make the playoffs, and the other will not. The best part? THEY ALL PLAY EACH OTHER. Vaspian will play Puckett All-Stars at 11:00, and 3AS will take on Puckett at 2:00. 3AS also gets to play End Game, for what it’s worth. Puckett could beat Vaspian and they’d most likely be in the playoffs (Don’t quote me on that, Topper’s super secret tiebreaking computer formula could break some hearts here). Vaspian has the tiebreaker (right now) with 3AS, so it seems that Vaspian could lose to Puckett but still get in as the 8th seed if 3AS loses both of their games. Vaspian could beat Puckett, but then Puckett could beat 3AS after 3AS loses to EG and CHAOS WILL REIGN SUPREME. The point is, all of these games REALLY matter, and there’s no better way to end the season in this division.


This Week’s Games:

Puckett All-Stars vs Vaspian (EVEN) – These two teams are as even as you can possibly get. They have similar records (3-5 and 2-5), they both allow 32 points per game. The only difference is that Puckett scores more points per game slightly at 25 to Vaspian’s 24. Vaspian may be becoming one of the better up and coming teams in the TSL, but Puckett is staying the secret nobody talks about. Mostly because they keep having awful seasons and then ramp it up in the last few weeks and the playoffs. This game should mean the world to both teams, but when its all said and done: PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 2


End Game vs 3rd and Schlong (EVEN) – Two of the TSL’s hottest teams square off in what would be a fantastic playoff game, much less a regular season affair. This game could clinch a playoff spot for 3AS who’ve really found their groove after that sad start. End Game just keeps chugging along and getting better every single week. A win against Frodo and then the Jabronies have got this train running hot. This game will be good, but 3AS needs it more. 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 1


3rd And Schlong vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) – This game could literally be a playoff game a week early! Of course, if 3AS beats End Game, and PAS beats Vaspian, this game could also mean nothing whatsoever. I, of course, would LOVE the play-in game to be a reality here. And if it is? 3RD AND SCHLONG BY 7


Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits (+7) – This is a very good matchup, but I have no idea who’s throwing for Sticky anymore. I don’t think they do either at this point. Just put in Mike Thomas for good, damnit. Frodo is cruising though, and they need this win to finish 2nd overall. You just KNOW they’d want to jump Qwinn after last week. The Bandits are looking to finish above .500. The problem is that Frodo scores a little more and allows a little less. They’re very evenly matched, except where it matters most: Quarterback. Give me Scotty. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 7



Last Week’s Games:

Cunning Stunts 43, Buffalo Solar Solutions 42

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 49, Full Throttle 32

Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers 62, Cunning Stunts 44

Matty’s Angels 54, Buffalo Solar Solutions 12

Matty’s Angels 53, Mountain Dew Me 12


What’s At Stake:  Second place and a bye!


Well, this got interesting. It appears that the Cunning Stunts are only playing two games this week, not three. The reason that’s notable is because they’re going to not play their last game of the year. As a result, that leaves the potential for Buffalo Solar Solutions or newly founded offense of Uncle Rico’s (who just trashed the Stunts last week) to jump ahead of them in the standings and take the bye. This is far from what was expected just two weeks ago, and now D4 is a LOT more fun that it was before. URTT is getting hot at the right time, as they got their all around threat in Chris Nelson back from Bullet Club in what will be called a “Roster Snafu” for now. If Buffalo Solar beats URTT, they’ll pass the Stunts (assuming the Stunts lose twice) on points alone (5 wins to 4). Matty’s is Matty’s. They got Bobby McConnell to play for them because that’s really cool of them. Mountain Dew Me and Full Throttle are just counting down the minutes until they get placed in a more accurate division in the Spring.


This Week’s Games:


Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts (+10) – Ho hum. Matty’s vs Stunts. Not much left to talk about here. MATTY’S ANGELS BY 10


Buffalo Solar Solutions vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – I have no idea what to make of both of these teams at this point. Both have been pretty good as of late, and BSS didn’t have their QB last week. BUFFALO SOLAR SOLUTIONS BY 2


Mountain Dew Me vs Full Throttle (+6) – These two have done their best to hold their own in this division, and while their defenses actually have performed better than BSS or URTT, its their offenses that need to catch up to everyone else. FULL THROTTLE BY 1


Cunning Stunts vs Uncle Rico’s Time Travelers (EVEN) – This game has to be considered even after the thrashing Rico’s dropped on the Stunts just a week ago. The Stunts will be doing everything in their power to get a bit of revenge here. This game could 100% be for the second bye in the division, impossible to think about as recently as 2 weeks ago. CUNNING STUNTS BY 6



Last Week’s Games:

En Fuego 21, Cobblestone 0 (Two forfeits)

Hung Buffalo 54, Hope N Ruin 26

Come From Behind 52, Practice Squad 30


What’s At Stake: The only chance at a TSL team going undefeated.


Hung Buffalo smacked around Hope N Ruin, Come From Behind defeated a Practice Squad that wasn’t 100%, and En Fuego got two forfeit wins when all of Cobblestone ditched Darryl Carr QB Superstar and left him hanging. I don’t know if it was on purpose, or if someone just forgot to tell Darryl, but that’s crazy if it’s a purposeful ditching. It was a slow week for D5, to say the least.


This Week’s Games:


Over Compensators vs En Fuego (+7) - Not too long ago, the Over Compensators and En Fuego made a bet and talked a lot of smack. And then Blasé LaDuca went out and promptly played the worst game he may have ever played. Now? The OC is trying to be the only undefeated team in the TSL this session, and standing in the way is En Fuego, who knew they’d get another shot at the OC, they just didn’t know when. How sweet would it be if En Fuego could not only get revenge, but give The OC their first loss AND take first place for the season from them? You KNOW En Fuego is going to be ready for this one. EN FUEGO BY 1


Practice Squad vs Hung Buffalo (+6) – These two teams may be closer than I’ve let on in the past. While its certainly FELT like PS has been the better team, the truth is that only one game separates these two teams. On top of that, They score about the same, but HB actually allows less points. This game should be close the whole time. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 1


Hope N Ruin vs Come From Behind (+7) – Same record, same amount of points allowed, but HNR scores a bit more. There are rumors of a B return to throw for CFB again, and that should help on that end. This game doesn’t mean too much except for positioning, but its always good to go into the playoffs with a win. HOPE N RUIN BY 6


Cobblestone vs Pink Pteratacos (+3) - *DOUBLEHEADER* - Not entirely sure what to think of these teams. The Pteratacos have been better, but they still have a ways to go. I still think they have a FANTASTIC group of females, and its more the males/QB that are their problem. I don’t know what happened to Cobblestone this week, but they could pull themselves into a higher standings position with a couple of wins here. COBBLESTONE BY 3. BOTH TIMES.



Last Week’s Games:

Zack Attack 30, pAssless Chaps 0

TMA 50, The Bi-Polar Express 8

pAssless Chaps 24, Wild Oak Beard Co. 18

The Replacements 36, Wild Oak Beard Co. 33

Shattered Dreams 30, Blitzkrieg 12

pAssless Chaps 29, Tater Tots 12

Tater Tots 40, Shattered Dreams 20


What’s At Stake: A playoff spot, and a potential three way tie for first place.


The pAssless Chaps played the rare tripleheader this week, and it wasn’t the best results. Yes, they went 2-1, but WOBCO and the Tots are teams that they should’ve beaten by more. Losing to Zack Attack isn’t a bad thing, and with a TMA win and a Chaps win this week, they’ll all be 7-2 and fun formulas have to figure out who finishes where. Speaking of WOBCO, they went 0-2 but played two very tight games that could’ve gone either way. Honestly, they’re one of the better new teams in the TSL, and I’m really looking forward to how good they can become. Shattered Dreams got their first win to keep their playoff hopes alive, albeit barely, while simultaneously knocking Blitzkrieg out of them. SD would need wins against the former best friends in Graves Bros and The Replacements to have a shot, and they’d need the Tots to beat The Replacements as well. A tall order, ironically, with Gronk coming to town. TMA keeps chugging along, while the Bi-Polar Express lost their third in a row after starting out hot at 4-0-1.


This Week’s Games:


Graves Bros vs Shattered Dreams (+13) – While Shattered Dreams is fighting for their playoff lives, They have to take on a team that has just been superior on offense (30ppg – 18) and on defense as well (18 points allowed vs 36). This game is looking like a 33-18 win for Graves Bros, at minimum. GRAVES BROS BY 15


The Replacements vs Shattered Dreams (+10) – These two teams are a little more evenly matched than the first game, The Replacements may want to step on the gas against the team that would’ve just played the hour before this one to clinch their spot. THE REPLACEMENTS BY 7


pAssless Chaps vs The Bi-Polar Express (EVEN) – These two teams are very close, and based on the schedule it seems like BPX will have most of its roster, if not all of it, for this one. The Chaps are looking to finish  in a tie for first overall, while BPX is literally looking to get the train back on the tracks. They’ve derailed in the second half of the season, and might be the coldest team in the division. PASSLESS CHAPS BY 6


The Replacements vs Tater Tots (EVEN) – This is about as even as it gets. Both teams are allowing 33 ppg. The Replacements are averaging one more point per game, 25-24. Both teams have been up and down. The Replacements will have already played a game this day, so look for the Tots to take this one. TATER TOTS BY 5


TMA vs Wild Oak Beard Co (+8) – TMA is rolling right now, and while WOBCO has been much improved over the course of the season, I just don’t think they’re ready to compete with the top teams in this division. TMA BY 10


Graves Bros vs Blitzkrieg (+20) – Blitzkrieg just can’t stop anyone, and they need a defensive guru to walk to Field 5 at 2:00 and give them tips. I don’t think they’ll be able to handle Graves Bros at all here, and hopefully BK will learn from this season and retool for the next year. GRAVES BROS BY 24




1.      Will the fields hold up? They’re starting to get worse and worse (as they do in the fall), and with the current weather prediction of rain in the forecast, could they get destroyed a week before playoffs?


2.      Who’s the best team in the league, relative to the division? Right now, I’d have to say it’s No Punt Intended. They’re firing on all cylinders right now, and they straight up stole first place in this division.



3.      Who makes the playoffs in D3? With all of the teams playing each other for the final two playoffs spots, I have this sneaky feeling we’ll see 3rd and Schlong and Puckett All-Stars get in with Vaspian looking in from the outside.


4.      Who wins the D2 bye? Honestly, it’s going to be Team Topper. I love the Topper vs Matty vs Peachy battle for it, but right now no team in the division is playing better than HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO. That defense is just legit.



5.      Will “Fall Fest” in Ellicottville ruin the final week of football? Last week saw a good sized chunk of the TSL head to Nashville (and a few other places) and miss out on the fields last Saturday. Multiple reports came into me from trusted sources that the bar was pretty much empty by 4:30 and just not nearly as hoppin’ in general. Here’s hoping E-ville doesn’t ruin that.




1.      Here’s your best games of the day to watch:

a.      9:00 – HOFBRAUHAUS BUFFALO vs Dilfs – Field 1

b.      10:00  - Over Compensators vs En Fuego – Field 4

c.       11:00 – Matty’s Angels vs Cunning Stunts – Field 3

d.      12:00 – Vaspian vs Puckett All-Stars – Field 2

e.      1:00 – End Game vs 3rd And Schlong – Field 2

f.        2:00 – Peachy Platoon vs Slytherin That End Zone – Field 1

g.      3:00 – Frodo Swaggins vs Sticky Bandits – Field 1


2.      I, for one, think Joey Batts and Gryffindor will get that victory this week.


3.      Seriously Qwinners, what is your deal lately? Are you really going to blow another championship? There’s a reason people email me to let me know that you’re nowhere near as good as Peachy Platoon and that I should stop comparing you. Maybe they’re right.



4.      Hey Cobblestone, I know I can be rough on you sometimes, but for real, if you’re going to forfeit a doubleheader (or ANY game) don’t just not show up. It’s a real douche move to make the other team show up ready for a game that doesn’t happen. You’re better than that. Tell Topper next time.


5.      You know how there’s been music most weeks of the season and people have been having a great time? That’s all thanks to DJ Jimmy, and if you’re having an event that needs a fantastic DJ, talk to him at Five Star Productions. They’re fantastic, and they’ve been running our Banquet for years now. Couldn’t recommend them enough. Let’s get some DJ Tommy at the fields soon!



6.      Pro Tip: Our field is only 50 yards long, with 8-yard endzones. That means you only need 8-10 yards per play to get in scoring position. Stop worry about going deep all of the time. Be smarter.


7.      I heard there was another Tito’s With Travis filmed, but I have yet to see it posted anywhere yet. Where is it?



8.      Shout out to all of the referees this week. Rameer had said that the league was very short on referee bodies and A LOT of the TSL stepped up to help out. You guys are what makes this league so great. Thank you.


9.      I’ve written this article for the better part of a decade now, and I still love doing it. This is my way of staying connected to the league I love so much. Thank you to those of you that email me updates and things to know to help me out as best as you can. It’s appreciated. Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. if you have any information.



10.   Finally, some sad news from the TSL Universe. Gunther, Topper’s long time pup, passed away this weekend. If you see Topper this weekend, give him a big hug and hold him closely.


RIP Gunther. You were an awesome dog.




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