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week 4 thoughts, picks and insights

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 09 September 2022 15:36
Published: Friday, 09 September 2022 15:36
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1565

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, Happy Friday to you all! Here we are yet again, together, on the final day before another exciting and entertaining Week of TSL football. Even though things are shaping up to be another beautiful TSL Saturday, the action on the field is still even hotter.

 

            I don’t mean to be the bearer of bad news, but after this weekend, the TSL Fall2022 session is already just about half over. I know, I know, we don’t need to be thinking about such things yet, but it should serve as a warning to teams to start getting it together before it’s too late.

 

            For some (okay, just D3) there’s really nothing to play for in the regular season. All 8 teams make the playoffs, so that’s fine. But for the other divisions you’re either playing for a bye (D1, D2, D5, D6) or you’re playing to even get IN to the playoffs (D4).

 

            If the season ended today, Legends and Frodo Swaggins (see: The “stacked” teams) would have earned the single byes in D1 and D2. In D5, Come From Behind and TMA both have a comfortable lead already for the 2 byes. In D6, Not So Sticky and Blitzkrieg currently hold the byes, but D6 feels like anything can still happen, so don’t be surprised if one (or both) of these teams didn’t end up in this spot in October. As for D4, well, Cobblestone has an 0-4 record and are on the fast track to missing the playoffs. This team needs to stop letting Darryl Carr QB Superstar down. We know for a fact it isn’t Darryl’s fault. And there’s no telling who the other team to miss the D4 playoffs can be at this point.

 

Luckily for us, there’s a lot of football left, including this week’s fairly large slate of games. While we can’t really predict the future (okay, YOU guys can’t, I do it extremely accurately every single week, right here in this very article) we can sure comment on the past. So let’s do that.

 

GOOD NOT BAD

- Superior Moser Squad goes 2-0 with Lauren Moser throwing the ball. Potential “Future Baby Moser” already assumed to be going 1st Overall in 2046 NFL Draft.

- Come From Behind is just rolling, also going 2-0 as Paul LoVullo turns back the clock to look better than ever. PEDs and Stem Cells potentially to blame.

- Frodo Swaggins continues to enjoy unprecedented levels of success, but until they actually get a QB, nothing is guaranteed.

- Scared Hitless dusts themselves off after a slow start, Johnny Football leads them to 2-0 week and drags them back to a .500 record

- ILF continues to win, moving to 3-0 on the season and a Top 10 overall TSL Ranking, first time in team history, probably.

 

NOT BAD NOT GOOD

- Can’t Touch This gets a win, does so by only 5 against a shorthanded 716 team

- The Untouchaballs get a nice win against The Replacements, but blow the big one against Frodo Swaggins. Burr reported to look “very tired” after playing for Legends, could’ve been the difference against Frodo.

- Spinelli’s Plumbing puts up 44 points and is looking like the offensive juggernaut we all know and love, but they still wear those jerseys.

- Freeballers dominate Dubey-less DILFs, but go on to get smacked by Frodo.

- Eyes Downtown gets first win by beating Grey Hair Don’t Care, but proceeds to lose easily to Legends, further cementing everyone’s internal beliefs that it’s just about over for Bobby.

 

BAD NOT GOOD

- Cobblestone falls to 0-4, this season becoming complete opposite of last year

- Passed Our Prime goes 0-2, but didn’t get blown out, and showed a lot of competitiveness. Potential D1 Dark Horse?

- Tuddies and Punt Cakes both fall to 1-3 in D6, but still have those feel good vibes about them as they figure things out.

- Even with a win, Woodpeckers only have 28 points total scored over 3 games

so far, which is a good half for a lot of teams.

- People leaving more and more garbage on the fields, need to learn to pick up after themselves.

- Grey Hair Don’t Care.

 

 

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Legends 39, Passed Our Prime 33

Scared Hitless 44, Passed Our Prime 33

Eyes Downtown 48, Grey Hair Don’t Care 23

Legends 41, Eyes Downtown 26

Scared Hitless 57, No Punt Intended 48 (D1/D2 Crossover)

 

The Legends continue their D1 dominance, sneaking out a win against POP before smacking around Eyes Downtown. Scared Hitless has a nice week, going 2-0 on the day. Eyes Downtown gets their first win of the season, as Grey Hair still has some work to do, which is to be expected in their first D1 season.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Sticky Bandits (+7) - Last year’s championship rematch renewed. These teams come in with a combined 6-0 record and both are looking really good so far this season. This will be a test to see just how much closer to Legends Sticky got. LEGENDS BY 4

 

Sticky Bandits vs TIght Ends In Motion (+3) - Speaking of rivalries renewed, Sticky gets to jump right into the back half of a double header with the new (old) look TEIM. Tight Ends look so much more confident with Bro Klecker under center than they ever did last season, but there’s still some growing for them left to do. STICKY BANDITS BY 2

 

Eyes Downtown vs Scared Hitless (+6) - I don’t know what’s wrong with Eyes Downtown this season, but jokes aside, you have to think they right the ship as soon as they can. Johnny Football should have his team ready to play against his old squad, and that internal knowledge leads to a mild upset here. SCARED HITLESS BY 8

 

 

D1/D2 Crossover Games:

 

Eyes Downtown vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+13) - This game is being played at 9:00 this week, which must mean Bobby has a very important flag football game elsewhere he has to be at too. It shouldn’t matter. BVR hasn’t looked too great on the field yet, scoring only 39 points total in 2 games, and a D1 Crossover game won’t help them figure it out yet. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 11

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs The Untouchaballs (Even) - Despite Jeremy Burr letting his team down against Frodo, he’s going to be incredibly focused on getting this win. This will be the first look to see if UT can hang in D1 or not. Meanwhile, Tight Ends has something to prove after losing this crossover game last year to Scared Hitless. They don’t want to be the D1 laughingstock a second season in a row. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 7

 

DILFs vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+3) - I’m not sure if the D1 team has been the underdog before, but Grey Hair hasn’t been playing their best (and I’m sure they’d admit it) this season at all. The DILFs have been chugging along of course, and they’re one of the top teams in D2 once again. Remember, the DILFs are a pseudo D1 team that just never moved up, so don’t ever sleep on them. DILFS BY 9

 

 

 D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins 24, The Untouchaballs 22

DILFs 33, Buffalo Vice Retro 20

Freeballers 39, DILFs 20

Frodo Swaggins 31, Freeballers 20

The Untouchaballs 38, The Replacements 12

 

Frodo continues their hot start with two more wins, this time over Freeballers and The Untouchaballs. Both teams that would lose to Frodo would go on to get victories during the day as well, UT against The Replacements, and Freeballers over DILFs, with both going 1-1. DILFs would also go 1-1, beating Vice Retro before falling to Freeballers.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

No Punt Intended vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+10) - NPI is 0-1 after their first game that saw them in a shootout with Scared Hitless in D1. What we learned was that this team sure can score, and they didn’t have all of their weapons either. BVR, as we’re learning, can’t score, and that’s going to be an issue for them for the season. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 8

 

No Punt Intended vs The Replacements (+20) - Speaking of teams that are going to have issues this season, The Replacements seem to be in the wrong division (or so I hear), and unless they have the cavalry coming, this season my guess is this is going to be a season of growth for them. As long as they don’t get discouraged, they can learn the game a bit better and be prepared for next season. Trial by fire, I guess. NO PUNT INTENDED BY 15

 

Freeballers vs The Replacements (+14) - The Freeballers got their first D2 win when they dispatched of the DILFs last week. This is a team that has slowly grown and risen up through the ranks of each division over the years, and kind of deserve more credit for that. They’re 1-2, but those losses are to the most overpowered teams in the league. They get a small reprieve here…. FREEBALLERS BY 16

 

The Untouchaballs vs Freeballers (+7) - ….before having to deal with this. Back into the fire for Freeballers as they take on The Untouchaballs in what should be a big Game of the Day contender. This is appointment viewing for the TSL this week. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 2

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Can’t Touch This 25, 716 20

Bullet Club 35, Practice Squad 17

716 42, Itches and Ohs 19

Mountain Dew Me 16, Get Schwifty 14

 

Can’t Touch This gets on the board with a win, which isn’t surprising. You can’t really keep this team down for long. Bullet Club continues their hot start, looking good in a win against Practice Squad to go to 3-0. 716 avenges their early loss, and beats up on Itches and Ohs to take a win, and Mountain Dew Me scores late to steal a win from Get Schwifty.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Scott Seniors Starting vs Itches And Ohs (+8) - SSS comes back after two weeks off to take on an Itches and Ohs team that is currently struggling to find their way. At 0-2-1, you know that the Ohs aren’t going to stay at the bottom of the standings for long, but this is a hard way to get a win. SCOTT SENIORS STARTING BY 4

 

Bullet Club vs Itches And Ohs (+8) - The hits just keep on coming for Itches and Ohs as they get a double header against the early season Top 2 in D3. Bullet Club has been playing really well on both sides of the ball no matter who their QB has been, as Jeff Easton looked really good in his return to the fields. They’ve been getting plays from everyone on the roster, and it looks like the drop down to D3 was a good move. BULLET CLUB BY 6

 

Scott Seniors Starting vs Practice Squad (+8) - Practice Squad catches SSS on the back end of a double header as they look to get back into the win column after a rough game last week. PS can definitely keep up with SSS, provided B throws more passes in the end zone to his players than the other team’s players this week. This should be a good one to watch. SCOTT SENIORS STARTING BY 3

 

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars 38, Buffalo Vice 34

Spinelli’s Plumbing 44, TOX 31

Zack Attack 51, Vaspian 22

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 29, Travis Henry’s Kids 28

Cunning Stunts 42, Cobblestone 24

 

Puckett takes the win over Vice in what was an exciting game. Spinelli’s is back on track, scoring a bunch of points in a win over TOX. Zack Attack scores 51, which feels like it was supposed to be 15 and Topper messed up the number order. ILF takes a slim victory over THK, after apparently THK was too scared to go for two to get the win, and instead didn’t get the one to tie it. Finally, the Stunts put a hurting on Cobblestone, who are still struggling to figure it out this season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Travis Henry’s Kids vs Cobblestone (+6) - Travis Henry’s Kids are fine in D4. They’re 0-2 with two one point losses. It’s disheartening to hear that they played for the tie instead of the win against ILF, but the football gods figured that out for them. Now they take on a Cobblestone team with next to no direction. This is a big win for THK, who needs a feel good win at this point. Pistol Pete should eat up the Cobblestone D. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 13

 

Cunning Stunts vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+2) - Spinelli’s is definitely on the verge of breaking the jersey curse, but it’s one thing to put up 44 against TOX and another to beat the Stunts. As usual, the Stunts are rolling out of the gate, they’re 3-0, and they’re almost in the cruise control that gets them to 7-2 and a 2 seed in the playoffs before turning it on. This game should be a fun shootout, and Spinelli’s has the women to keep up in the points department. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 1

 

Cunning Stunts vs Buffalo Vice (+3) - An old rivalry renews itself here as these two teams were going toe to toe in D4 just a year ago. It feels like longer. Vice is 0-2-1 but they’re scoring a lot of points, and if they can just shore up the defense a tiny bit, they’ll be right in the thick of things. The very shocking and unexpected Stunts going 0-2 in one week is here. BUFFALO VICE BY 7

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (EVEN) - The biggest question will be if ILF’s offense can keep up with Spinelli’s. While I think ILF’s defense will get a turnover, they may need two or more to really keep this close. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 10

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Vaspian (+8) - Every recent session, we’ve said the same thing about PAS: some form of “They just kind of hang around in the beginning of the season, get it together near the end of the season, and nearly win the thing as a 7 seed”. This season, however, PAS has decided to arrive early to the TSL party. They’re 2-1, and could easily be 3-0 if a bounce or two goes their way in the Stunts game. They look like they’re here to win D4 as a 1 seed this season. Vaspian hasn’t gotten off to their usual hot start, and can really use this game to get back on track, but the vibes on this game just feel one way. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 12

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Zack Attack (EVEN) - Let’s do this. These two teams aren’t rivals, but they could be after this weekend. We just gushed about how good Puckett has been, but what about Zack Attack? The offense is killing it, and they’re playing their usually dominant defense. You can’t find better ingredients for success than that. ZACK ATTACK BY 1

 

TOX vs Vaspian (+3) - Even with the losses, TOX has earned praise from their opponents along the way, which bodes well for them in the future. Vaspian hasn’t been their usual selves just yet on defense, which has been how they were winning games for a while. It all adds up to one thing: TOX BY 3

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind 40, Woodpeckers 8

Come From Behind 46, Passing While Intoxicated 20

Woodpeckers 14, Let’s Get Reccked 12

TMA 27, Today’s Feast 14

 

Come From Behind proceeded to smack around the competition, going 2-0 on the day to set up a fantastic showdown with TMA, who also won their game against Today’s Feast. The Woodpeckers finally got their first win this season, sneaking by Let’s Get Reccked to go 1-1 on the day.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Woodpeckers vs Today’s Feast (+2) - Two 1-2 teams face off as both need this win to get back on track this season. 2-2 just looks so much better than 1-3, and these teams both know it. When it comes down it, Today’s Feast is playing slightly better defense, and has a slightly better offense, which logically means there’s only one way to pick this one. TODAY’S FEAST BY 8

 

TMA vs Come From Behind (EVEN) - Here we go. ITS ON. Two 3-0 teams that have been playing absolutely lights out meet each other in what is absolutely a D5 Championship Preview as long as TMA doesn’t TMA all over themselves in the playoffs again. CFB is scoring slightly more points, TMA is playing slightly better defense, and its all going to come down to who blinks first. COME FROM BEHIND BY 1

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Superior Moser Squad 33, Punt Cakes 25

Not So Sticky 50, Lenny’s Ladies 16

Superior Moser Squad 33, Two Tuddies 28

Blitzkrieg 30, Two Tuddies 14

 

 

Superior Moser Squad takes two victories last Saturday before taking this week off apparently. Not So Sticky threw out QB Jeff Krol and had an easy time picking apart the Lenny’s Ladies defense to go to 3-0 on the season. Blitzkrieg handled the Tuddies pretty easily themselves, moving to 2-0.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg vs Lenny’s Ladies (+12) - The two longest tenured D6 teams meet up yet again, in a game that is always exciting no matter who wins. Right now, Blitzkrieg seems to be firing on all cylinders while the Ladies are still getting the new players acclimated to defense and what to do. BLITZKRIEG BY 10

 

Punt Cakes vs Lenny’s Ladies (+6) - Punt Cakes already has a win over the Ladies from two weeks ago, and it's their only win of the season so far. PC definitely has some talented players on the team and they really just look like they’re still figuring it all out. Once they put things together, expect them to really make some noise in the division. PUNT CAKES BY 8

 

Blitzkrieg vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - Two undefeated teams that are looking to have the undisputed early claim to the D6 title throne face off here. It doesn’t seem to matter who throws for NSS, as anyone can apparently step in and do well. It’s the system here, and that’s not a bad thing. They’re a group of really smart football players (as any team with Jeff Krol will be), and it’ll be interesting to see how they matchup with a veteran team who can match them on the field. NOT SO STICKY BY 8

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 

  1. How will the teams look this weekend? There seems to be a higher than normal amount of people missing this week from their teams as people went to LA for the Bills game, and there seem to be a few weddings along the way too. How will this affect the games tomorrow? It’ll be interesting to see.
  2. Who really needs a big week as we near the halfway point of the season? I think all eyes need to be on Itches and Ohs this week. They haven’t been themselves all season, and they have a HUGE doubleheader against the top two teams in the division. If they lose both of those, 0-4-1 is a tough record to look at.
  3. What’s the biggest surprise of the season so far? I won’t pile on Cobblestone even more than I already have (but they’re 0-4 and that’s a shocker) so I’ll go with the Zack Attack offense that is just absolutely clicking at levels I can’t ever recall. They really seem to have it all together right now, AND they still represent at the bar.
  4. Where has B’s brother been? It just isn’t football without Jeffrey walking the sidelines giving everyone amazing coaching for free. The biggest report I got this week from my spies was that B’s Brother wasn’t at the fields. Such a shame.
  5. What team in each division that isn’t playing too well can turn it around and win the championship? D1: Eyes Downtown, and that’s pretty self-explanatory. D2: The only real option is Buffalo Vice Retro here. D3: The aforementioned Itches and Ohs. D4: Buffalo Vice. They’ve been close before and they can score for sure. If they fix that defense, look out. D5: Passing While Intoxicated. They started to make waves at the end of last season and in the playoffs, so we know they’re capable. D6: Punt Cakes. All of the athletic talent in the world. If they “figure it out” by playoffs, they can take the title.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

 

  1. I haven’t heard about a single Breakfast Club Captains bet just yet. These new captains aren’t bringing the fun like the last group did. Someone needs to step it up.
  2. Speaking of Breakfast Club, here are this week’s predictions:
    1. Amber Alert 40, BDSM 24
    2. Jennacide 30, The Special Kay’s 22
    3. Steph Infection 47, The Messy Jessies 25
  3. Here’s your best game of every hour schedule:
    1. 10:00 - Legends vs Sticky Bandits
    2. 11:00 - Cunning Stunts vs Spinelli’s Plumbing
    3. 12:00 - TMA vs Come From Behind
    4. 1:00 - Eyes Downtown vs Scared Hitless
    5. 2:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Zack Attack
    6. 3:00 - Blitzkrieg vs Not So Sticky
  4. Shout out to those people who have been picking up the bottles and garbage left behind by the TSLers at the end of the day. You guys are the real MVPs.
  5. Reffing has been pretty great yet again. We’re getting more and more new refs to the fields and they’re not making a ton of huge mistakes. Extra props to the teams who have helped them along as they learn. We can’t have games without our refs, so good work to everyone who’s making them comfortable. For now.
  6. I heard about the Halloween Tournament at the end of the podcast this week, and I think it’s a great idea to bring back something that the TSL used to have a bunch of fun with.
  7. Three teams we need back in the league ASAP: Peachy Platoon, Matty’s Angels, Anything with Topper
  8. Thanks again to those who have been emailing me about their teams, remember, you can take 5 minutes and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and let me know about your team!
  9. If you were hoping for Fall football weather this weekend, you’re not going to get it. Expect it to be a hot one again.
  10. I’ve been hearing about lots of new players who are starting to thrive in the league. This is good news. The more we get fresh blood into the TSL, the better it will be. Now we just have to get them to stay at the bar for a bit longer. . .

 

 

Week 4 is upon us, and the TSL is in full swing. Good luck out there to all of the players, and maybe I’ll even stop by the fields this weekend. Who knows?

 

 

-GF OUT

Week 3 Pickts, thoughts, questions and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 02 September 2022 12:23
Published: Friday, 02 September 2022 12:23
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1556

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, it’s time. The winds have changed. The calendar has turned to September. The grass has slowly begun changing from green to brown. The temperature has dipped into the high 60s. That can only mean one thing: it officially feels like football!

 

Wait, what’s that? The temperature hasn’t even touched the 70s yet? Thanks a lot, Global Warming. The TSL had yet another scorcher for a “Fall” session this past weekend in Week 2 but other than what your nearest thermometer reads, it really is starting to feel like football season. Every team other than No Punt Intended has played at least one game (And three teams have already played 4!). Week 3 is always when the TSL season begins to show its true colors, as the teams begin to dust off the final remnants of summer vacation and we can see who they really are.

 

 

THE GOOD

 

            -Tight Ends In Motion have already scored more points in two games this season than all of last season, I think.

            -Sticky Bandits continue to be winners, going 2-0 to start the season, mostly because of Mary Poppins’ 3 TD performance and Drew did something too I guess

            -Vaspian comes roaring in to score 45 points, which I think is a team record

            -Light Red Hoodie Guy leads Blitzkrieg to victory

            -ILF makes big statement with two wins

            -TMA does TMA things, gets revenge for playoff upset

 

NOT BAD, NOT GOOD

 

            -Superior Moser Squad goes 0-2 (Bad) but Rylee and Lauren Moser both move to 1 + 2 on the overall “Moser Family Quarterback Rankings” (Good)

            -Multiple Ties happened this week, which is the definition of neither good nor bad

            -Ricky Recckio gets everyone playing flip cup at the bar (Good) but apparently bails on the podcast last minute to talk smack to entire league (Bad)

            -Topper showed up to play football in his new Ferrari (Good), Topper showed up to play football (Bad)

 

THE BAD

 

            -Cobblestone falls to 0-3, as every WR continues to let Darryl down, but with NFL cuts finally happening, the QB Superstar is looking to add talent

            -Hogan was at the fields

            -Practice Squad falls to their own hype, doesn’t win either game last week

            -Spinelli’s Plumbing wears terrible jerseys, proceeds to not win again

            -Scared Hitless and Grey Hair Don’t Care combine for a 1-5 record right now, trying to petition for a Division 1B to be immediately created

 

            Every TSL football season has a bunch of twists and turns as we traverse the next two months, it’s going to be interesting to see which teams stay on top, who rises up, and who inevitably falls on their faces. Let’s see what Week 3 brings us.

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits 29, Scared Hitless 22

Sticky Bandits 48, Grey Hair Don’t Care 32

Passed Our Prime 36, Grey Hair Don’t Care 32

Tight Ends In Motion 31, Eyes Downtown 26

Legends 51, Freeballers 28 (D1/D2 Crossover)

 

Sticky Bandits return to action after last season’s championship loss, picking up two wins against the newly promoted teams from D2. D2 champs Passed Our Prime have no trouble winning their first D1 game over GHDC. Tight Ends puts Eyes Downtown in the loss column to start the season, further proving last season was a fluke. And the Legends manhandled (and womanhandled!) the Freeballers in a crossover game.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Passed Our Prime (+10) - Last season, Sean Weasel carried Hogan and POP to a championship in D2 for no reason other than it being the POP QB’s Make A Wish request. Now that the wish was granted, POP moved up, but they’re devoid of their big star. New superstars are emerging like “hat guy who caught the winning TD last week”, but this is the test to really see if POP can hang in D1, or if they’re pretenders like GHDC and Scared Hitless. LEGENDS BY 14

 

Passed Our Prime vs Scared Hitless (+8) - Johnny Football can NOT be happy with the start of the season for SH, and word is that he’s starting to lay in bed staring at a picture of Bobby McConnell and “what used to be”. But, there was a reason Scared Hitless was considered the best team to move up to D1 just a few months ago, and this is the week they remind everyone why. SCARED HITLESS BY 12

 

Eyes Downtown vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+10) - I’m sure both teams will make this hard on each other and everyone will be in Grey. Bobby, wear the red. Anyway, there shouldn’t be very many “must win” Week 3 games but both of these teams could use one. GHDC really needs to avoid a 1-4 start, because a late season rally in D1 is a lot less likely, and if Eyes Downtown goes to 0-2, you can be sure that the team will be forced to run suicide sprints at the Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday practices next week for sure. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

D1/D2 Crossover Bonus Game:

 

Scared Hitless vs No Punt Intended (+8) - Well, NPI shows back up after not being around for a few seasons with a mostly new roster and their first game is against a ready to prove themselves SH squad. Not ideal for a first game for NPI. SH moves to 2-2 and quiets initial fears about a lost season. SCARED HITLESS BY 12

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games;

 

Frodo Swaggins 49, DILFs 32

The Untouchaballs 37, Buffalo Vice Retro 19

 

 

Frodo asserts their dominance as the overpowered D2 team, smacking the DILFs around pretty easily. But speaking of dominance being asserted, Jeremy Burr and the Untouchaballs picked up their first of many D2 wins this season, waltzing by BVR.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs (+3) - Frodo Swaggins couldn’t win D3 so they got a bunch of ringers and moved up to D2. The Untouchaballs just dominated D3 and moved up without having to stack a roster. Burr > Garrett. In a potential Game of the Day between two of the most fun teams in the TSL, who will come out on top? THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 2

 

DILFs vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+7) - Both teams are coming off of losses and they’re looking to correct their course. The DILFs have done this for years though. They have some fun, play competitively, but end up around 5-4 at the end of the season before really trying in the playoffs. BVR is still a new squad that needs to learn each other and figure things out. They’ll get there, but it’s going to take more than one game. DILFS BY 14

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Freeballers (+12) - The Freeballers continue to be unable to escape Sean Weasel’s shadow. Remember, Sean gifted them a D4 title before leaving them in the dust. Last week, as the Freeballers entered D2, they got to play Sean and the Legends. This week, Sean and the Super Frodos. If you ever wondered why 40 Year Plan Guy drinks, it’s stuff like this. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 16

 

The Untouchaballs vs The Replacements (+14) - As of right now, nobody is sure what to expect from The Replacements. Week 1 wasn’t kind to them, as they had to get a lot of Replacements of their own, so the TSL Universe isn’t sure what kind of team will show up on the fields this time around. We know what we’re getting from The Untouchaballs. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 18

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Mountain Dew Me 33, Practice Squad 32

716 35, Itches and Ohs 9

Practice Squad 28, Itches and Ohs 28

 

I think we should just have a 7 game series between Mountain Dew Me and Practice Squad this season. Another tight football game that saw MDM pull out the victory this time. The new look 716 proceeded to march all over the Ohs. And we have our first tie in D3 this year, as PS and Itches both had 0-1-1 days last week.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

716 vs Can’t Touch This (+7) - Two pretty evenly matched teams that feature two of the best arms in the TSL to date. Ryan vs Derek should be appointment viewing, provided their WR make some catches. This could be a high scoring affair, but 716 has more Vosses (Vossii?) and that will be the difference. 716 BY 12

 

Practice Squad vs Bullet Club (+7) - The hits just keep on coming for Practice Squad, as Team Lantz runs into a veteran team in Suspect Club or whatever they’re being called that started off hot in D3, even with John Langley throwing the ball. BC looks to keep the good times rolling and PS looks to shake off the miscues from last week. Should be a good one. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 2

 

716 vs Itches and Ohs (+8) - Another one of the random back to back games against the same team move. One can only assume Topper was 4 bottles of wine into the schedule making when this happened. We just saw this matchup, and there’s nothing to suggest it’ll be different this time around. 716 BY 14

 

Mountain Dew Me vs Get Schwifty (+6) - MDM picked up their first win last week, and Schwifty is looking to do that themselves this week. There are going to be a LOT of athletes (and Blase) on the field in this game, and it’ll be a lot of fun to watch. It’ll come down to whether or not MDM can protect against Larry’s rocket arm deep balls. I think they can. MOUNTAIN DEW ME BY 2

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice 54, Spinelli’s Plumbing 54

Zack Attack 36, Spinelli’s Plumbing 14

Vaspian 45, Buffalo Vice 23

TOX 45, Cobblestone 36

Interdimensional Lighting Falcons 21, TOX 13

ILF 26, Cobblestone 14

 

I set the Over/Under at 73.5 for Vice/Spinelli’s and the Over hit at 108 points. AND NOBODY EVEN WON THE GAME. Potentially the highest scoring tie in TSL history. Vice proceeded to prove they have no defense this season, allowing Vaspian to score 45 points when I’m pretty sure they average about 24 points a game. Spinelli’s would go on to show Zack Attack how tired they were from the first game, getting trounced 36-14 TOX comes out hot, beating Cobblestone and giving a good fight against ILF, who proceeded to go to 2-0 on the day and really make a claim at the D4 title that eluded them last season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Puckett All-Stars vs Buffalo Vice (EVEN) - In Week 1, PAS went 1-1 scoring a bunch of points along the way. In Week 2, Buffalo Vice went 0-2 scoring a bunch of points along the way. Expect another shootout, but PAS passed the eye test a bit better this season so far. PUCKETT ALL-STARS BY 4

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs TOX (+5) - Okay TOX, I see you. League wide concerns about TOX potentially getting mauled every single week have been vanquished after last week, where they went 1-1 and earned praise from opposing players along the way. Spinelli’s still doesn’t seem to care about breaking the bad jersey curse, but it took them 14 seasons to learn from their mistakes in D6 before “figuring it out” then too. They’re just slow learners. But, even with that, They can score. A lot. Not sure TOX keeps up. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 8

 

Zack Attack vs Vaspian (EVEN) - These two teams tend to be more known for their defense than their offense. With that said, Vaspian’s offensive output last week could show the times are changing for the Hurley squad. Or, it’s because the Buffalo Vice Defense might be suspect. Zack Attack dropped 36 points of their own. Or, It’s because Spinelli’s is cursed. Either way, ZA’s Defense is still very good, and as long as everyone is on the same page offensively, expect the Attack to have another great day at the office. ZACK ATTACK BY 13

 

International Lightning Falcons vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+3) - ILF had themselves a field day last week, and it compelled Andrew to email me about it. He really wanted me to stress that “Becca had a career high 7 catches, and only cried once!” before also applauding his teammates Karl Smith and Jason Neth for dual 2 TD performances. And he dropped this tidbit: Joe Miano won’t be there to QB, but B is going to throw for ILF. THK had last week off, and will be looking to grab their first win in D4. They lost by a point in Game 1, and that should only encourage them for this one. Should be fun. INTERNATION. . . ILF BY 3

 

Cunning Stunts vs Cobblestone (+10) - A classic QB matchup between Darryl Carr QB Superstar and Joey Batts. Both are legends of the TSL and it’ll be a blessing for anyone around to not only get to watch this game, but to get to watch it for free. The Stunts look to be as good as ever this season, while Cobblestone has (as one onlooker told me) “a bunch of athletes who just don’t understand the game yet”. A well oiled machine vs a bunch of spare parts doesn’t sound like a close matchup. CUNNING STUNTS BY 10

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated 30, Let’s Get Reccked 19

Let’s Get Reccked 43, Today’s Feast 12

TMA 42, Passing While Intoxicated 30

 

PWI took a win over LGR in a close contest that helped LGR move on to win their first game ever against Today’s Feast. PWI would then get beat by TMA in a “revenge” game from last postseason where PWI shocked the former McKenzie Agency in the biggest upset of the playoffs, which is the norm for TMA to be on the losing side of that statement, historically.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Come From Behind vs Woodpeckers (+8) - The Peckers didn’t get off to the start they would’ve liked in Week 1, as roster issues plagued them in a bad loss. CFB, however, looked great in their win and things are really coming together for them. After a rough start to the season last year, they’ve been consistently getting better. I have a good feeling about them this year. Apparently you CAN teach old dogs new tricks. COME FROM BEHIND BY 15

 

Come From Behind vs Passing While Intoxicated (EVEN) - It’s a compliment to PWI for them to be considered even with CFB. PWI has made some strides since Buddy Lee took over as QB, putting Colorado Mike on the bench where he belongs. Both of these teams are pretty good, and this will be fun to watch. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 13

 

Let’s Get Rocked vs Woodpeckers (+4) - LGR started to figure some stuff out last week, and if they didn’t erase those brain cells in the “after party” they should be looking at another win. They’re a good team for sure, they just need to gel together as all new teams do. LETS GET RECCKED BY 10

 

TMA vs Today’s Feast (+10) - TMA once again finds themselves ranked #1 overall in the TSL Rankings presented by TopperStats. It shouldn’t be a surprise. TMA was very good last season, and D5 didn’t get better around them. Ryan is already throwing lights out as he’s got all of his really talented tall guys back this year and reports are that Val Testa has been killing it this season as well. TMA is clicking on all cylinders for sure. Today’s Feast didn’t have the best game last week after an impressive start in Week 1, but I expect them to be a bit more competitive this game. TMA BY 12

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg 37, Superior Moser Squad 33

Not So Sticky 34, Superior Moser Squad 26

Lenny’s Ladies 20, Two Tuddies 12

Punt Cakes 34, Lenny’s Ladies 8

 

Blitzkrieg begins the “Light Red Hoodie Guy Throws A Bunch” Era with a victory over SMS. SMS would follow that close call with another one against Not So Sticky, who is thriving in D6. Lenny’s Ladies came out swinging, taking a win over the Tuddies before falling to Punt Cakes in the second game.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Punt Cakes vs Superior Moser Squad (+6) - Punt Cakes got an impressive win over the Ladies last weekend, as “Kid with kind of a mullet but looks super young BUT he got ID’d so stop asking Jeff Krol if he’s legal or not” was all over the field making plays. He looks like the real deal. SMS had a nice showing even in defeat as the Moser girls apparently took turns throwing the ball but both looked better than half of the QBs in the league already. PUNT CAKES BY 14

 

Not So Sticky vs Lenny’s Ladies (+8) - NSS is 2-0 and finds themselves in the driver’s seat for a first round bye already. Lenny’s Ladies have some new faces this season, and “tallish girl with the sunglasses” looked pretty good as did (unsurprisingly) Maddie Norton, who apparently was all over the field last week. This should be a good game between some fun teams. NOT SO STICKY BY 9

 

Superior Moser Squad vs Two Tuddies (EVEN) - The Tuddies won in Week 1 and then looked a little lost in Week 2. SMS might be a “new” team with “newish” QBs, but they’re some of the smartest minds in the Social Co-Ed football game today, and that’s something the Tuddies will only get with time. SUPERIOR MOSER SQUAD BY 7

 

Blitzkrieg vs Two Tuddies (+10) - The Tuddies’ day doesn’t get any easier, as the longest running D6 team in Blitzkrieg stops by for a visit. I’ve been a huge BK supporter for most of my life, and this is really starting to feel like everything has lined up for this to be THEIR season. BLITZKRIEG BY 17

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

  1. What looks to be the early season surprise? It’s looking like Cobblestone isn’t ready for D4, which makes no sense given how they handled D5 last season. TOX being nice and competitive is great for the league (and the bar).
  2. Which team that got off to a slow start can turn it around? It’s early, so there are a few teams that this could be for, but I’m going to say Grey Hair Don’t Care. They’re 1-3. But last year they didn’t start great and figured things out. They’re slowly learning that in D1, the little mistakes you could get away with in D2 cost you points in D1. I think they’ll clean it up by the playoffs.
  3.  Is Tight Ends Back Back? It’s hard to say right now, but any time TEIM has a pair of Kleckers, it's going to go much better for them. You can never say they’re “back back” because they lost some of the most talented females in TSL history, but they already look like the team that was battling Public Enemy for championships instead of losing to D2 teams last year.
  4.  Is Frodo Swaggins too “overpowered”? That’s the hot topic of the early season. Garrett went all “Travis” and built a super team, just the D2 version of it. I think it’s a little overblown, and it’s magnified more than it should be because of the 65 point outburst against the Replacements Week 1. Let’s give it some more time before we get the pitchforks out.
  5. Why did Topper buy a Ferarri anyway? Because he’s better than you. After years and years of dealing with the stress of running the league, he wanted to look even cooler as he rolls up to wineries and avoids the Rose Garden. He’s earned it.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. it’s still brutal that it’s going to be in the 80s for the fall session. But in a place that can snow at any given moment, continue to enjoy the nice weather while you have it.

2. Best Games To Watch This Week:

    1. 10:00 - Puckett All-Stars vs Buffalo Vice
    2. 11:00 - Frodo Swaggins vs The Untouchaballs
    3. 12:00 - DILFs vs Freeballers
    4. 1:00 - Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Eyes Downtown
    5. 2:00 - ILF vs Travis Henry’s Kids
    6. 3:00 - Cobblestone vs Cunning Stunts

3.  Breakfast Club Predictions:

    1. Steph Infection 45, BDSM 42
    2. Amber Alert 37, The Special Kay’s 20
    3. The Messy Jessies 40, Jennacide 30

 

4. If you haven’t signed a waiver yet this year, go do it right now so you’re not ineligible for the rest of the season.

5. I’ll say it again, take a few minutes out of your day and email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. so I can properly give shoutouts to the people I don’t know about on your team. It’s hard doing this from my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa.

6.  Reports are that we’re leaving a little too much garbage around the fields. Pick up your trash and bring your used buckets back to the bar. It’s not that hard. Shoutouts to everyone that helps out weekly by throwing out other people’s things.

7.  Lots of good words have been emailed to me about how well a bunch of the newer refs are doing. Keep it up!

8.  If anyone would like to be on the podcast, write an article, or contribute to the various shenanigans the TSL has to offer, reach out to Jeff Krol, Travis, or Joe K whenever you see them. The more the merrier.

9.  I wonder who the current “Chris Nelson Award For Playing In A Division Way Below Your Talent” winner is?

 10. Go Bills.

 

 

 

 

The TSL Fall 2022 season is really starting to heat up. Go out there and have some fun, and report it back to me asap.

 

 

-GF OUT

Fall 2022 Thoughts, Predictions and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 19 August 2022 12:29
Published: Friday, 19 August 2022 12:29
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1532

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, on Saturday August 20th in the Year of Our Lord 2022, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality begins once again as the Topper Sports League returns to the Lenny Alba fields behind the Rose Garden at the Angry Buffalo. This season will see 50 teams over 7 divisions go to battle on the gridiron (and at the bar!) to see who will be forever immortalized in history on October 22nd as a TSL Champion. 

 

Now I know what some of you long time TSLers are thinking: First off, isn’t the season starting a little early? And secondly: seven divisions? Did you add a D7? Allow me to help with this. It’s true, the Fall session for the TSL used to be decided in November, after a September start. However, through Topper’s great foresight, he realized that it tends to snow in November. As a result, he once made the schedule so that the league ended in the last week of October. It was great, as it worked pretty well with the TSL Costume Drunk Bow….er, 4 o’clock Game with Costumes would transpire shortly after the championships thanks to it being Halloween weekend. Pretty savvy move from the Undefeated TSL Executive of the Year. Well, that didn’t give much wiggle room in case of a dreaded rainout (or, I guess, snowout) week, so bumping things up to where we are now can potentially, I repeat, POTENTIALLY, give the league a week to work with if needed. Don’t get your hopes up though. It could also be an excuse to run a Halloween Costume Football Tournament the week after the season ends. Hmm. 

 

As for the 7 divisions? Well, the TSL finally went ahead and listened to what the people wanted: Breakfast Club is now also a fall event! Historically, BC has only been in the Spring session, but now that the sublist is directly tied into who plays in Breakfast Club, the hunt for Social Co-Ed Draft Football Mimosa Morning Glory brought to you by delicious Breakfast Sandwiches is a year round event! Well, it probably won’t happen in the Winter League. I think. 

 

There are, of course, some other changes to discuss as well. Over the offseason, I’ve had many conversations with Topper that have ranged from “I’m not going to the fields at all this season” to “I’ll probably be there most weeks”. The point is, Topper is a little burned out as he builds the foundation for TSL Ireland AND having a wicked contract dispute this offseason with Cookie Monster. He’s given the keys to the league to the Board of Directors (aptly named by Rameer) which all that means for you is that you need to do more complaining to Jeff Krol, Joe K, Travis, and our NEW Head of Officiating: Garrett Beesing!

 

Yes, its true, as Coach Jay leaves TSL reffing in a great place as he and Emily prepare to welcome the potential #1 overall pick in the TSL 2044 Draft into the world (Devon Cleavenger-Bernal might have something to say about that), Garrett has stepped into some large shoes to fill, but everyone is mostly confident he’ll do a moderately okay job. 

 

The point is, if you see Topper at the fields, give him Coronas and hugs only. 

 

I think that’s it for special offseason nonsense I was told to write about, so let’s get into the real reasons you’re all here: CHAMPIONSHIP ODDS, PREDICTIONS, AND GAME LINES. 

 

D1:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (5-1)

Sticky Bandits (6-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (10-1)

Scared Hitless (12-1)

Passed Our Prime (17-1)

Grey Hair Don’t Care (20-1)

 

Preseason Predictions: So when we last saw D1, it was a 4 team shell of itself. The Legends proceeded to make arguably the most stacked team in TSL history with the intention of “buying” a championship. And despite midseason concerns with their subpar QB and who should replace him, they got it together and took home the title. What do they do for an encore? They add Jeremy Burr (who I can only assume will start at QB as the best one on the roster) and Pete Ngyuen, as the former “Best Tommy Hughes” award winner has returned to the TSL! All in all, the Legends will be hard to beat and are the favorites to repeat. Eyes Downtown added some talent themselves, locking in journeyman Ben Stack and Seth Molinsari as a response to yet another season without a title for Bobby McConnell. Sticky Bandits haven’t really made any changes, and they were THIS CLOSE to taking home the championship. Every season they seem to get a little bit closer to that D1 title. Scared Hitless didn’t win the D2 title, even though they probably should have. However, after a season of dominating D2 AND winning their D1 crossover game, they’ve entered themselves into D1 with the hopes of competing right away. There isn’t much turnover from last season’s team, but they did add Mike Rawdin to give them some extra pop. Speaking of POP, Passed Our Prime DID win D2, and Hogan immediately said he’d be going right to D1. That was a bold declaration, as it meant losing Kyle Conniff and Sean Weasel from the roster, but Hogan has never played scared before, and isn’t going to start now. Finally, Grey Hair Don’t Care got bumped up to D1 as well, which is a good thing as they began to show signs of dominating D2 last season as well. They factored into the title picture last season when we didn’t think they would, so I wouldn’t be shocked if they did it again this season in D1. They have all the talent in the world (and JZ!), so what better time than now to make a run at the D1 title. 

 

Prediction: Legends take two in a row, beating Eyes Downtown in the final. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Legends vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+14) - Not the world’s greatest way to start in D1 for GHDC. The Legends (who might actually have a ring ceremony before the game) come into this one hyped and ready to defend their title. Joey and Sean have been sleeping together the entire offseason to make sure they stay in sync (no truth to the rumors that they made Jill sleep on the couch, yet), and they’re just focused on the repeat. Hard to go against them. LEGENDS BY 17

 

Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Scared Hitless (EVEN) - A marquee D2 matchup from a season ago turns into a hell of a D1 matchup to kick off the season here. Hitless gets Grey Hair coming off a hell of a game with the Legends, so it gives them a slight advantage here. These teams know each other pretty well, and both will be looking as this game as a “must win” in terms of standings and positioning. SCARED HITLESS BY 6

 

D2:

 

Championship Odds:

 

DILFS (4-1)

Frodo Swaggins (5-1)

The Untouchaballs (7-1)

No Punt Intended (9-1)

Freeballers (15-1)

The Replacements (20-1)

Buffalo Vice Retro (22-1)

 

Preseason Predictions: The Dilfs are the de facto favorites as they’re the only team from D2 last season that’s still here. They’ve played in D2 for so long, they have an advantage over other teams that are still being put together and learning how to play with each other. Frodo Swaggins, after 10 seasons of almost winning D3, decided to shake up the roster a little and make the jump to D2. They added some big time talent in Katie Salisbury, Sean Weasel, and Blake Fisher as well, essentially taking advantage of the end of Notorious BNB. The name remains the same, but they’re a more dangerous Frodo than ever before. The Untouchaballs make the jump up to D2 after just annihilating D3 for two seasons. Jeremy Burr (who should probably start #1 in the QB rankings this year) leads his team into a D2 that isn’t much more difficult than the D3 he was beating a few months ago. It appears he has the same team as before, and honestly, that might be all he needs. No Punt Intended appeared late in the signup process (they were apparently the 44th team registered, according to Topper) but they’re going to be a problem for people. NPI boasts some top notch girls in Amber Hay, Jaimie Warren, and Elena Schratz, and with Kyle Conniff playing as well, they should be in most games. Freeballers made the jump up to D2 as well, keeping the roster mainly intact but adding Dave Baker along the way. One place the Freeballers struggle at times was with changing up the game plan and thinking on the fly, and now they add arguably one of the best football minds in the league to shore that up. They could be dangerous. The Replacements show up and there aren’t many names I know on the roster other than Trish Esposito. They’re a wild card to me, and I look forward to seeing how well they do here. Finally, Buffalo Vice Retro was a confusing name, but it appears Vice has split into two Vices? BVR has some of the familiar parts of Vice: Dan Gonzalez, Cailtyn Mason, Seth Molisani but they also added some “Sleezin Szn” players like Jake Dunn and Rachel Parker. It’ll be interesting to see how they perform this season jumping up a division, but I know they’ll be competitive. I now await Dan’s email explaining this mess to me. 

 

Prediction: This division is completely up in the air, but at the end of the day I think we’ll see Frodo Swaggins ride their new toys to a championship over The Untouchaballs. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Frodo Swaggins vs The Replacements (+10) - It’s hard to judge a game when I haven’t heard about a team before, and the other is a better version of what they were a season ago. But, I know the players Frodo added and they’re pretty damn good. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 8

 

Dilfs vs The Replacements (+12) - Same song as the other game, until I know more about The Replacements, it’ll be hard to judge their games. Naturally, they have a double header Week 1. And it’s a hell of a “trial by fire” getting arguably the top two teams in the division back to back. I guess we’ll see what they’re made of. DILFS BY 8

 

D3:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Practice Squad (6-1)

Itches and Ohs (8-1)

The Usual Suspects (10-1)

Scott Senior’s Starting (10-1)

Get Schwifty (11-1)

Cant Touch This (15-1)

Mountain Dew Me (18-1)

716 (20-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: Practice Squad, fresh off a D4 title, comes in as the D3 early season favorites, given their general athleticism and familiarity with each other. They got a “Liddle”  better, adding Kelly Liddle to the roster this season as well. Itches and Ohs get the same treatment, being one of the favorites in a wide open division mainly because they know exactly how to play with each other and the females on this team are superior to just about any in the division. The Usual Suspects are just Bullet Club with a fresh coat of paint. Former QB Jeff Easton returns to the core, but they’ve also added THK star Pistol Pete and his friend John Langley, as though this group needed more help losing somehow. Scott Senior’s Starting is all of the Kellers, although there’s no guarantee Senior is actually starting at QB. I’d love a world where he takes the first snap of every game to make the team name accurate, but then hands it off to his favorite son, Scotty Dro, after that. Get Schwifty is Blase LaDuca’s next attempt in running a team, and they have a few player’s I recognize from the Over Compensators and those stud girls in Liz Farley and Dorene Major. They should be a competitive team, especially if some of these I don’t know yet are superstars. Time will tell. Can’t Touch This is scared of nothing, and my favorite team from last season made the jump to D3 already. I love their confidence. I expect them to start out a little slow as they figure out the harder competition and then they’ll be right there as a top contender at the end of the season. They added the Good Battaglia Brother to the roster as well, which can only be an improvement. Mountain Dew Me returns after a brief hiatus from football. The extremely fast, blonde, probably Swedish guys look to make the league remember just exactly who they are right away. Their biggest issue might be who plays QB for them, as Joey Batts was the one who took them to greater heights. There’s some question marks here. Finally, 716 jumps up from D5 to D3 looking to make some noise. Their roster looks similar to the D5 team that was middle of the road last season, so it’ll be interesting to see their PED drug test reports to make quite the jump like that. 

 

Prediction: Can’t Touch This makes it to the championship game, only to lose in the final to Itches and Ohs. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad vs Mountain Dew Me (+10) - These two teams once met in the greatest championship game in D5 history, with MDM winning in overtime to take the title. These old rivals rekindle that competitive flame in D3 this season, and while the game should be entertaining, Practice Squad is a very dialed in team, whereas MDM just got back. Look for the rematch later on, but for now: PRACTICE SQUAD BY 14

 

The Usual Suspects vs Can’t Touch This (+3) - These two teams should match up pretty well with each other. One team is going up a division and one team is going down a division. It’ll be an interesting mix of teams, but in the end I’m going to go with the veterans. THE USUAL SUSPECTS BY 6

 

Scott Senior’s Starting vs Can’t Touch This (+3) - Different game, same story. CTT gets to play a team of wily veterans. The issue will be if Scott Senior is actually starting. If he does? SSS wins by 40. If he doesn’t: CANT TOUCH THIS BY 6. 

 

Get Schwifty vs The Usual Suspects (EVEN) - I envision some potential fireworks this game as both sides have some hot heads. This game has the potential to be D3’s newest rivalry game, but for now i think we’ll get some very good football from both sides. This one will come down to the wire, but GET SCHWIFTY BY 2

 

Get Schwifty vs Scott Senior’s Starting (EVEN) - This is another game that will feature a close battle. D3 is going to be fun week in and week out. Let’s see the Keller’s pull this one out. SCOTT SENIOR’S STARTING BY 8

 

D4:

 

Championship Odds:

 

Cunning Stunts (3-1)

Zack Attack (5-1)

Cobblestone (6-1)

Spinelli’s Plumbing (8-1)

International Lightning Falcons (10-1)

Buffalo Vice (10-1)

Vaspian (12-1)

Puckett All-Stars (13-1)

Travis Henry’s Kids (17-1)

TOX (100-1)

 

Preseason Prediction:  The Cunning Stunts find themselves at the top of the D4 Championship Odds for the millionth time, because they’re just that good. Joey and the Girls are always competitive and can easily hang 50 points on you in an instant if you blink. Zack Attack returns after a subpar season for them, but they’ve added a few reinforcements that will hopefully get them to a title. Cobblestone moves to D4 after dominating the D5 season in the Spring, despite blowing yet another championship opportunity. Eventually, these players will stop letting Darryl Carr QB Superstar down on the field when it matters most. Spinelli’s, despite being cursed ever since they got the terrible new jerseys, will hopefully return with different threads this time around. SP can score like no other team in the league, and when they’re on, they’re tough to stop. ILF had a solid campaign last season, but eventually they blew it in the playoffs. Andrew Kicak was quoted as specifically blaming Becca for the loss, because she left the country and let her team down. Look for them to be in the mix again. Buffalo Vice is back in D4 and THIS team should be “Retro” when you consider it trots out not only Dan and Frank Pizza, but Andy Clark, the prodigal son, has returned! With Andy at QB, Vice scored oodles of points, and hopefully the magic is still there. Vaspian returns amid questions about their roster construction heading into Week 1. They’ll still be solid, especially defensively, but it’ll be interesting to see who will be on the field for them. Puckett is Puckett. That’s not a knock on them, they’re back, they’re competitive, they’re the same people, and they’ll beat you if you underestimate them. It’s a compliment. Travis Henry’s Kids blew the D6 championship and somehow thought adding the oft-injured Anthony Deak is the key to moving up to D4. It’s an interesting decision that is one to watch. Speaking of interesting and questionable decisions, last season we were considering if TOX should move to D6 or maybe stick around D5. Somehow that has them deciding “nah, we’ll do D4” as though that worked out really well last time. I hope they’re going to surprise us and have Tom Brady or Mac Jones step in to be QB. 

 

Prediction: The Cunning Stunts take home the title, defeating the Lightning Falcons in the finals. 

 

This Week’s Games: 

 

Zack Attack vs Travis Henry’s Kids (+8) - A very interesting mix off the bat as one of the TSL’s best defenses of the last few seasons takes on one of it’s best offenses in recent memory. THK always comes into the season very focused, and with Pistol Pete and Deak out there, John Langley will find it tough to “Langley all over himself” this game. THK takes a surprise of the day. TRAVIS HENRY’S KIDS BY 7

 

Cunning Stunts vs Puckett All-Stars (+10) - Puckett tends to start slow every year, and now they’re getting the girls who are essentially football robots with the TSL’s #1 QB? Not the best of starts. Of course Puckett will play them tough, but in the end, the girls will start the season out right. CUNNING STUNTS BY 14

 

Cunning Stunts vs Vaspian (+10) - Vaspian has proven in years past that they can hang with the Stunts, but that’s a lesson the Stunts haven’t forgotten just yet. With Vaspian still cobbling together a roster, they’re probably not fully ready for this one. Stunts go to 2-0. CUNNING STUNTS BY 17

 

Cobblestone vs Puckett All-Stars (+7) - Puckett looks to give Darryl’s squad a run for their money off the bat. Cobblestone tends to thrive in any situation, given that they’ve played in nearly every division, so they’ll be up to the task, and refocused after last season’s disappointment. COBBLESTONE BY 1

 

D5:

 

Championship Odds:

 

TMA (3-1)

Come From Behind (6-1)

Passing While Intoxicated (10-1)

Woodpeckers (12-1)

Let’s Get Reccked (15-1)

Today’s Feast (18-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: TMA returns to D5 but just about every team that gave them competition last year went away. Cobblestone moved up to D4, Tater Tots and Red Zone Mafia took the session off, and the only teams remaining for them are Come From Behind and Passing While Intoxicated. Of course, every time things seem too easy for TMA, they mess it up spectacularly. CFB is back with the same names and faces you’ve loved for over a decade. They’re chock full of league darlings and great hair. They’ll be the biggest competition to TMA this year. PWI returns largely intact from last season. Colorado Mike’s team still needs to figure out the QB situation, but once that’s settled, they can be a dark horse here. The D6 champion Woodpeckers shocked the world last season ending up with the title, and they’re looking to do it again. Joe B might be 85 years old (guesstimating here), but he’s finally found a group of people that get along and ball out. Besides Mark, Wrestler Dan and the Rachels, he has an underrated squad chock full of people whose names you haven’t heard of yet, but you’re going to. Let’s Get Reccked is what seems to be Ricky Recckio’s take on Not So Sticky. But instead of being drunk and fun, they’re going to try to win. They have a couple of guys you know, most you don’t, a Game On Spy, and a killer female squad in Doreen, Becca, Talia, and Kayla Deth that’s going to win them some games. Today’s Feast dropped down to D5, and it’s going to be for the best. D4 wasn’t quite IT for them, but a drop in opponent talent can only help them figure themselves out a bit better. Here’s another dark horse contender. 

 

Prediction: TMA beats Let’s Get Reccked in an interesting final. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

TMA vs Woodpeckers (+10) - There’s no way I talk about how TMA is going to run over the division and then they lose, right? Right? As much as I want to predict that just to irk Prim, I’m going to do what’s right here. TMA BY 13, BRENT SCORES IF HES THERE.

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Let’s Get Reccked (+7) - My biggest issue with LGR is that I’m not sure if Alex Buchlis is QB or this is going to be Ricky throwing. Ricky is a terrible QB so that shouldn’t be the case. Alex probably isn’t allowed. So I have no idea. PWI was a on a tear in last year’s playoffs before Alex Lee bailed on them when it mattered most. It seems like he’s back though, so let’s hope they keep the momentum rolling. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 12

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Today’s Feast (+10) - I really want to see what Today’s Feast can do in D5. They always show flashes of competence before blowing it, and I really think they can make something happen here. They’re a team I’m keeping my eye on this season for sure. TODAY’S FEAST BY 3

 

Come From Behind vs Lets Get Reccked (+8) - At the end of the day, CFB is a well oiled machine (that’s mostly Molly that’s oiled up, but still) that has been doing this for very long. Probably before football was invented, honestly. While LGR is completely new and figuring things out. Give me stability. Give me Paul’s hair. Actually, just give me LoVullo genes. COME FROM BEHIND BY 16

 

D6: 

 

Championship Odds:

 

Blitzkrieg (2-1)

Not So Sticky (4-1)

Punt Cakes (8-1)

Superior Moser Squad (12-1)

Lenny’s Ladies (15-1)

Two Tuddies (18-1)

 

Preseason Prediction: Blitzkrieg comes in here as the proverbial favorite, mainly because all of their competition is gone. They’ll still trot out the top team week after week, assuming they didn’t lose a large chunk of talent which it seems like they haven’t. Not So Sticky is chock full of good players who are mostly just focused on having a good time. They dropped down from D5 after a rough season, and the TSL’s funnest team might just have too much talent to not fall into a championship. Punt Cakes is a new team to the TSL, but I’m pretty sure they’re led by Baby Gronk, which means they’ll have an idea on what’s going on in the league. There’s going to be some talent here. Superior Moser Squad, according to reports, are going to trot out Rylee Moser at QB, which should be a very fun experience. Imagine her being better than Steve. Does he start purposely dropping her passes? Lenny’s Ladies returns, but as I’m looking at the roster it seems like they’ve lost nearly all of the their top talent. Gone are Caitlyn Mason, Misty Himes, and Jaimie Warren, which is a lot to lose. They still have a good amount of a talent, and few new names I don’t know that could end up being superstars. Finally, Two Tuddies dropped a division with rival Not So Sticky so we can rekindle that romance as well this season. They went through some roster changes, but a change to D6 could be exactly what’s needed to get them on the winning track. 

 

Prediction: Blitzkrieg pulls off the impossible and wins a D6 title like I’ve wanted for them for so long, beating the surprising new team in Punt Cakes. 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Punt Cakes vs Not So Sticky (EVEN) - There’s not way Not So Sticky will be drunk at 10:00 right? Of course, it’s a Bills game that day too, so maybe they’ll start at 8am. Everyone knows they get their power from late day drinking, so Punt Cakes should take advantage. PUNT CAKES BY 3

 

Punt Cakes vs Two Tuddies (+6) - Why not make it two for two? The Tuddies offense was virtually non-existent last season, and I can’t imagine they’ll figure it out in the first game back from the offseason. I don’t know why, but I’m all about the Cakes. PUNT CAKES BY 6

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:



  1. Who will be there? The one thing I’ve heard a lot of this week was that most teams will be missing players left and right. Some are on vacation, others are going to a preseason Bills game, and others just have things to do on one of the last weekends of the summer. It’ll make for some interesting roster combinations for sure. 



2.              What’s the hardest division this season? It’s really looking like D3 is just going to be brutal for the team involved. Top to bottom, any team can walk away with the championship there. 



3.              Who has the easiest path to a championship? Well, the Legends are waiting for the NFL cuts to come through so they can stack their roster a bit more, so we’ll see what happens there. But joking aside, TMA really should run through D5 without much issue. 



4.              What are the most interesting teams in each division? In D1, it has to be Tight Ends In Motion. After many seasons at the top, they fell off hard last year. Now with some more Kleckers involved yet again, they could find themselves in the right spot again. D2 - Frodo Swaggins. They went all in on a revamped roster and are shooting for the moon in a weaker than normal D2. D3 - Get Schwifty comes to mind here because they have a lot of talent on paper, but will they put it all together? D4 - Buffalo Vice. They got the band back together the familiar waters of D4 and I want to see if the connection is still strong with Andy. D5 - Let’s Get Reccked is easily the most interesting team based off the combination of who’s playing that we know AND who we don’t. I can’t imagine Ricky didn’t get some characters to play with. And in D6 - For me, its Punt Cakes. I want to know what they’re about. I have an idea about most of the other 5 teams, but they’re new, so I want to see how it works for them. 



5.              Any other big TSL news from the offseason? The only thing i was told about that I hadn’t mentioned yet is probably the biggest. The TSL is going back to the “Pre-Covid” rules and only allowing one team per player. We relaxed those rules when Covid hit as a way to get more people playing as we were the ONLY league in town to work with the Health Dept and make a battle plan to play during the pandemic. This brought in a lot of new faces that needed places to play. Now that that’s over (knock on wood) its time to head back to the old rules that helped this league thrive. Now, gender teams will still be allowed, so girls, don’t worry, you’ll still have a second team to play on. And there’s a twist where if you help referee multiple games, you’ll be allowed to play on a second team. It’s basically a reward for helping the league. And the other way to play on a second team? You bring in a whole new team to play with. Essentially, for example if a D2 player brings in a D4 team of their family and friends that has a roster of them and NINE new people to the TSL? They can double up. And no, you can’t have multiple people doubling up, etc. The point of preventing constant “two teamers” is that it forces teams to get new people into the league when they need a guy or a girl instead of just getting current members of the league to join a second team. Continuing down that path leads to having the same 100 people playing on four teams in four different divisions, just teams are mixed up slightly. That’s a terrible way to run a football league, and the TSL would like to avoid that nonsense. 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:



  1. I really think Garrett Beesing as the new Head of Officiating is a dynamite hire. Garrett is a long time member of the league that cares about it, and he usually ends his podcast appearances with some form of calling people out to ref. Should be great for the league here. 



2.              If you haven’t filled out a waiver yet this year, you need to get on it! Captains, make sure you get your new players to fill it out. It takes five seconds. 



3.              The weather for Saturday in Buffalo is 86 degrees and mostly sunny. It’ll be a hot one. (it’ll only be 77 here in Des Moines!)



4.              Breakfast Club in the Fall is still very exciting, and I’m thrilled to see the race for Mimosa Morning Glory is back. We have some new captains and some exciting teams to talk about, but we’ll get into them next week. 



5.              The Wine Tournament was a HUGE success! Thank you to everyone that played and to everyone that helped out. Rumor has it Topper was in bed by 7:00pm. 



6.              The reason the TSL is the greatest Social Co-Ed experience in the world is because of the people. So remember to keep your head on straight. Don’t yell at the refs. Get to know the new people in the league. Make them feel included. 



7.              Did I get information about your team wrong? Then stop messing around and take 5 minutes to email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me all about who I need to know. 



8.              The best part about the start of the Fall Session? The banquet is coming back. More on that as details become available. 



9.              The TSL Fantasy Football League is making it’s glorious return for the 4th straight year. There may be some openings for the league, so talk to Joe K about that asap. Think you have what it takes to win the Leonard Alba III Memorial Championship Belt? 



10.           Last but not least, the podcast is back, and if you want to be a part of that to talk about your team’s games and be a bigger part of the league, find Joe K, Jeff Krol, or I guess you can even bother Topper about this one if you see him at the bar. 

 

The TSL is back, the weather is going to be great, and we’re going to have a tremendous season. I can’t wait to hear about what went down this week. Until then, I’ll be in the cut. 

 

-GF OUT

Week 2 Thoughts, Picks & Predictions

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 26 August 2022 09:14
Published: Friday, 26 August 2022 09:14
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 1675

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe I am pleased to inform you that the Race for Social Co-Ed Touch Football Immortality is officially off!

 

            Week 1 brought everyone at the fields some football, some great games, and a little too much sun from what I was told. I know how you feel, it’s about to also be the season for the second best football league around, the NFL, and you’re feeling like the Fall Session should be a little more like, well, Fall. Good luck, as this week it seems as though you’ll be dealing with another nearly 80 degree day. Prepare accordingly.

 

            Regardless of all the heat shenanigans, Week 1 was like a little trial version of the TSL. For example, in any given week, the TSL could play up to 35 games. Last week, due to an overwhelming amount of requests off, a Bills game, and some other vacations and events, we only had 19 games overall played. That’s just slightly over half of a “full” TSL day. It didn’t matter, however, as Week 1 of Fall 2022 gave us a LOT to think about. As we’ve learned before, every week matters in the TSL, as it is just the first chapter in this session’s story. So what exactly did we find out?

 

THE GOOD:

 

  • Joey Batts continues to prove he’s a God among men, going 3-0 on the day.
  • B’s Brother was at the fields
  •  The Usual Suspects change their name back to Bullet Club, but no matter what they’re called they went 2-0 on the day, the best start for a Joe K team in a decade
  • Scott Senior’s Starting went out and pummeled their opponents to go to 2-0
  • TMA looks every bit in top form with a 45-6 win
  • D6 looks like it’ll be very competitive overall; TUDDIES WIN! TUDDIES WIN!
  • Mountain Dew Me returns and looks apparently “even faster and even more Swedish somehow”

 

THE BAD:

 

  • The divide between new D1 teams and old D1 teams looks to be wider than we thought
  • Can’t Touch This starts out 0-2, but looked competitive in both games
  • Travis Henry’s Kids jumps up to D4, Langley can’t avoid being terrible as his team carries him to a one point loss
  • Vaspian forfeits already in Week 1.
  • Let’s Get Reccked does exactly that, drops first two games of the season

 

THE UGLY:

 

  • The Replacements scramble to get replacements, proceed to lose both games by a combined 118-32 score
  • Get Schwifty also goes to 0-2, scrambles to get anything going on both sides of the ball
  • Puckett All-Stars start out 0-2, the heat gets to them and they have a reported bad day at the office in the being nice department
  • Woodpeckers go ‘old school’ and scramble for players at the last minute, lose by 40
  • Topper takes the day off completely, doesn’t have a team for the first time since 1974

           

Lots of storylines developed in just one “small” week of TSL football, what’s going to happen this week when we play 27 games? Let’s take a look!

 

D1:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Legends 44, Grey Hair Don’t Care 16

Grey Hair Don’t Care 34, Scared Hitless 24

 

A very tiny slate of games for D1 this week that saw the Legends immediately reassert their dominance over the newest D1 team, before Grey Hair took the lessons they learned from the reigning champs and put them to good use, beating Scared Hitless to be 1-1 on the season.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Sticky Bandits vs Scared Hitless (+10) - I can’t ever imagine a world where Johnny Football would go 0-2, or, at least I thought I couldn’t. Scared Hitless didn’t have their best day at the office on the scorched Earth fields last week, but things aren’t going to get any better for them as they take on a Sticky Bandits team that is more motivated to prove last season’s Championship final appearance wasn’t a fluke that anything. STICKY BANDITS BY 12

 

Sticky Bandits vs Grey Hair Don’t Care (+6) - Grey Hair didn’t look as good as they wanted to against the Legends, but it was helpful in that it showed Dave exactly what his team needs to do if they want to be D1 champions. GHDC should give Sticky a better game, especially with Sticky just coming off a game the hour before. Fun little upset time. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 2

 

Tight Ends In Motion vs Passed Our Prime (+7) - TEIM had their worst season ever last year, so they decided it would be best to go back to the well and dust off a couple of Klecklers to see if it’ll work better for them. (Hint: It's more missing Emily/Robin than anything kids). Meanwhile, Passed Our Prime won D2 and I’ll give Hogan credit, he apparently declared immediately that they would move up and it didn’t matter if they had Kyle Conniff or Sean Weasel on their team, even if they were the big reasons POP went from “4-5 D2 team” to “Champions”. I don’t know what we’ll see from either squad, but I’m excited to hear about it. TIGHT ENDS IN MOTION BY 10

 

Gray Hair Don’t Care vs Passed Our Prime (+3) - GHDC is apparently getting their games in before September starts. There’s a decent chance they could be looking at being 3-1 here. Grey Hair has all the continuity in the world right now, and I think that Hogan’s squad needs a little more time to figure it out in D1. GREY HAIR DON’T CARE BY 9

 

Eyes Downtown vs Tight Ends In Motion (+7) - Bobby McConnell had arguably his worst D1 regular season in 10 years last year. If you don’t think he was out in a random park doing wind sprints and envisioning live games, completing practice passes while blindfolded, you’re nuts. There are some whispers, apparently, that his new relationship has taken his eyes off the D1 prize and that he might be finished. Until I’m told it happens on the field, I have to take this probable Hall of Famer. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 8

 

D1/D2 Crossover Bonus Game: Legends vs Freeballers (+17) - The Freeballers get absolutely kicked in the ribs as their first game ever in D2 isn’t just a crossover game, but it's against the reigning and defending D1 champions. That, that just isn’t even fair. LEGENDS BY 22

 

 

D2:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins 65, The Replacements 18

Dilfs 53, The Replacements 14

 

Not a lot of D2 excitement as two of the big contenders to the D2 championship just absolutely slaughtered The Replacements. Hopefully this won’t become the norm for D2’s newest team.

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Frodo Swaggins vs Dilfs (EVEN) - And here we are, just a week later after the dual beat downs of the same team, Frodo v Dilfs. This matchup is going to be pretty great. Both teams have great guys, both teams have great girls, Dilfs have a better QB, but Frodo has Sean. This is your game of the week right here kids. FRODO SWAGGINS BY 1

 

The Untouchaballs vs Buffalo Vice Retro (+6) - Apparently, according to my good friend Dan Gonzalez, this version of BV is a bunch of the newer (see: mostly younger) players joining up with some old Sleezin Szn members to make a new squad. Last season, Vice was okay, and Sleezin wasn’t very good. I don’t know how that equates to a D2 team, but then again any team with Cailtyn Mason on it has a chance. However, it's against Jeremy Burr’s passion project, his buzzsaw D3 title team that moved up too. The UTB can defend Caitlyn with Melanie Linsmair of course, although there’s a growing number of people who think Caitlyn has surpassed Melanie and is now the #1 girl in the TSL. Should be a crazy fun to watch matchup. THE UNTOUCHABLES BY 10

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Practice Squad 28, Mountain Dew Me 18

Bullet Club 35, Can’t Touch This 23

Scott Senior’s Starting 42, Can’t Touch This 35

Bullet Club 30, Get Schwifty 21

Scott Senior’s Starting 40, Get Schwifty 14

 

 

Practice Squad got a small bit of revenge for a past D5 OT championship loss to MDM, as the D4 champs are kicking off their D3 season very nicely. Bullet Club entrusted John Langley to throw for them this week, and he trusted Non-Award Winning Tommy Hughes to make him look good in leading BC to two wins on the day in a couple of contests that weren’t that close. Scott Senior didn’t start, or even play, but SSS kicked off the season the same way Bullet Club did, going 2-0 against CTT and Schwifty, both of whom sit at 0-2.

 

This Week’s Games

 

Practice Squad vs Mountain Dew Me (+10) - In a really fun and weird scheduling quirk, MDM and PS will battle each other once again for the second week in a row. We’ll have to see if MDM learned anything from last week to upset the Squad, but I’m thinking that they probably didn’t. B gets up for games against these guys, and he’s going to be ready for them, again. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 7

 

Itches and Ohs vs 716 (+8) - Team Moser is back and ready to improve on last year’s season. They take on a 716 team that was “middle of the road” in D5 last year, but is relying on a new, yet perhaps untested team in D3. Derek Pew has a cannon, and he’ll have to put it to good use with his pair of talented Voss’ in order for them to compete. Expect a high scoring affair and the Itches and Ohs defense to let them down for a surprise loss. 716 BY 5

 

Practice Squad vs Itches and Ohs (+3) - Second game for both of these teams on the day, but PS will have a little longer to rest. I’ve always wondered, is it better to play the second game right away, or is it better to wait an hour or two and play again? I guess we’ll find out here. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 3

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Zack Attack 20, Travis Henry’s Kids 19

Cunning Stunts 51, Puckett All-Stars 44

Cunning Stunts 21, Vaspian 0 (Forfeit)

Puckett All-Stars 50, Cobblestone 40

 

 

Zack Attack sneaks by Travis Henry’s Kids by a point in a game that both offenses struggled to really click in. But jokes aside, it really does look like THK will be just fine in D4. The Cunning Stunts proceeded to start off 2-0 this season, even if one was a forfeit win against a Vaspian team that beat them last season. Puckett may have lost a VERY close game against the girls, but they took on Cobblestone (who apparently only had 5 players for most of the game) and walked away with a 10 point win to start out 1-1 on the season

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Buffalo Vice vs Spinelli’s Plumbing (+6) - Andy Clark has returned to Buffalo Vice, which means that this game against Spinelli’s is going to be a high scoring track meet. Both teams can score, and both teams have talent all over the board. The Over/Under is set at 73.5. I’d bet the over. BUFFALO VICE BY 4

 

Spinelli’s Plumbing vs Zack Attack (+7) - Now, this may not matter if Spinelli’s is still wearing those awful cursed jerseys, but many reports said Zack Attack might have too many guys on the sidelines, and none of them look like a good quarterback. Sneaking out a 1 point win against a team jumping up two divisions is one thing, beating this juggernaut offense (when they wear black) is another. SPINELLI’S PLUMBING BY 10

 

Buffalo Vice vs Vaspian (+9) - Rumor has it that Vaspian had a bit of a roster shakeup this offseason, and as a result hasn’t played a game with everyone on the team together just yet. Playing a team that’s been together since 1965 isn’t the best way to start things off. BUFFALO VICE BY 13

 

Cobblestone vs TOX (+17) - Considering all of the things I’ve heard from league management that was centered around making divisions even and putting teams in the right divisions, how on Earth did TOX get put into D4 again when they clearly needed to be in D5? This doesn’t bode well for TOX, and since they’re a team with some great people, you don’t want to see them get stomped a bunch again. Here’s hoping it’s different this time. COBBLESTONE BY 14

 

Interdimensional Lightning Falcons vs TOX (+10) - ILF is always an interesting team as Andrew Kicak’s side project has always produced decent, yet underwhelming results. However, they always feel like they’re on the precipice of taking it to the next level. If they can get some better female play and have Alex Baker play more like his father (or any of the non-descript males on the team take a step forward), ,they might be a fun bet for a D4 champion. ILF BY 10

 

Cobblestone vs ILF (+6) - Despite all the good I said about ILF above, they’re still going to run head first into Darryl Carr QB Superstar, who played a game with 5 people and nearly won last weekend. What do you think is going to happen when he has a full team this week? COBBLESTONE BY 10

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

TMA 45, Woodpeckers 6

Passing While Intoxicated 43, Let’s Get Reccked 8

Today’s Feast 26, Passing While Intoxicated 16

Come From Behind 38, Let’s Get Reccked 24

 

TMA realizes my fears for one week that they’re too good for D5 in a thrashing over the Woodpeckers. PWI apparently stayed true to their name as QB Buddy Lee was “having a good time” apparently in a win over Let’s Get Reccked. But more importantly, Today’s Feast took a big win against PWI to start off 1-0. Finally, Come From Behind used their combined 1,503,023 games of experience to take down the new team in LGR.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Passing While Intoxicated vs Let’s Get Reccked (+14) - Another repeat game so quickly that tells me that Topper shouldn’t have let someone else do the schedule just yet. These two teams just met last week, and it wasn’t even close. Imagine if PWI has a sober QB. Yikes. PASSING WHILE INTOXICATED BY 13

 

Today’s Feast vs Let’s Get Reccked (+3) - Today’s Feast always hung around in D4 but they weren’t QUITE there. D5 is going to be a great proving ground for them and I just feel like they’re going to really pop off this season and surprise us all. TODAY’S FEAST BY 10

 

TMA vs Passing While Intoxicated (+6) - So on one hand, TMA should be stomping everyone in D5, right? On the other hand, Passing While Intoxicated 28, TMA 20. PWI knocked Brent’s Buddies from the playoffs in Round 1, and were a QB injury away from perhaps winning the entire thing. Nobody does revenge games like TMA though. TMA BY 14

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

Not So Sticky 40, Punt Cakes 39

Two Tuddies 31, Punt Cakes 25

 

TUDDIES WIN! TUDDIES WIN! The Tud Buds finally get into the win column after a rough start to the season, and I couldn’t be happier for them. Not So Sticky also took home a win in Week 1 (They only beat the Tuddies last season) yet even though Punt Cakes (D6’s newest team) lost both games, they were highly competitive in both. Good signs ahead.

 

 

This Week’s Games:

 

Blitzkrieg vs Superior Moser Squad (+3) - SMS is going to be a good chunk of Itches and Ohs (or at least the Moser part of it) and Rylee is going to throw, which gives us an awesome female QB full time. Speaking of QB’s it seems as though BK is missing Alex this season (as is customary for the Fall) and LIGHT RED HOODIE GUY IS GOING TO BE DROPPIN’ DIMES ON D6! This should be a fun game to watch. BLITZKRIEG BY 7

 

Two Tuddies vs Lenny’s Ladies (EVEN) - The Tuddies take on their next assignment: a gender team. Riding the high of their first win, they’ll be itching to get a second one, but the key to beating a gender team is getting girl TDs. It remains to be seen if the Tuddies females can keep up with Joe K and the girls. LENNY’S LADIES BY 8

 

Not So Sticky vs Superior Moser Squad (+7) - NSS might struggle on offense sometimes, but their defense is usually pretty good. I think NSS will take advantage of the new team, and as a result pull out a victory. NOT SO STICKY BY 3

 

Lenny’s Ladies vs Punt Cakes (+6) - Same questions for this game as the other LL game: Can Punt Cakes’ females run with the girls on Lenny’s? If they can, and the athletes on Punt Cakes can get a few turnovers, Punt Cakes could take this one. PUNT CAKES BY 8

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR SATURDAY:

 1. Who’s going to win Breakfast Club? In the Race for Mimosa Morning Glory, we have some big contenders for the crown. I was given the rosters after the draft, and there are some really good teams that were drafted. It’s awesome to see new girls step up to be captains of the first ever Fall Breakfast Club. After checking out the rosters though, it's hard to ignore the female advantage of Amber Alert. I think they beat Steph Infection in the finals. And can we talk about some of the great new team names? Amber Alert and The Messy Jessie’s are fantastic, and BDSM explains Becca a lot better to everyone.

 

 2. What’s shaping up to be the most competitive division? Can I say D6? It really seems like there’s going to be the smallest gap between the top and the bottom in that division.

 

3. Will we see Topper at the fields? YES! Not to get everyone too excited, but I received word today that Patrick “Topper” McGovern will be playing in Breakfast Club as a sub this week, quieting fears that he moved to Ireland already.

 

 4. What teams are you worried about already? It should be too early to talk about this, but I think it's fair to say The Replacements look out of place in D2 so far. Get Schwifty also might have bit off more than they can chew in D3.

 

 5. What teams are you excited to see play this week? I want to see what Passed Our Prime looks like in D1 without Kyle and Sean. I want to see Jeremy Burr do Burr things in D2. I want to hope that Spinelli’s Plumbing absolutely ditches the cursed jerseys and balls out again. And of course I’m interested to see how the Superior Moser Squad experiment plays out. The league should ALWAYS be excited about a female QB.

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR SATURDAY:

1. Breakfast Club is back and here are my predictions:

    • BDSM 27, The Special Kay’s 20
    • Amber Alert 42, The Messy Jessie’s 26
    • Steph Infection 38, Jennacide 37

 2. B’s Brother came back from Atlanta to make sure he didn’t miss a single week of the TSL this session. If only more of us had his dedication, this league could be even better.

 3. The TSL Podcast was up on Spotify (and the website!) this week. It wasn’t as good without Topper and his stats, but still a good show. Good call adding long time contributor Emily Schilling as a co-host. We need new blood and fresh voices on the podcast this season, here’s hoping we get that.

 4. Also, The Sentinel has returned to the TSL for this season, and of course the Power Rankings are always there to get everyone upset.

 5. Here are the best games to watch each hour, in my professional opinion:

    • 10:00 - Dilfs vs Frodo Swaggins
    • 11:00 - Buffalo Vice vs Practice Squad
    • 12:00 - Grey Hair Don’t Care vs Passed Our Prime
    • 1:00 - Lenny’s Ladies vs Two Tuddies
    • 2:00 - Practice Squad vs Itches and Ohs
    • 3:00 - TMA vs Passing While Intoxicated

 6. I’m excited for next season when we go back to how we did things in 2011 and there will be only one team allowed per player. It’s been said, but getting fresh blood into the system is how we’ve stayed on top of the Social Co-Ed Football food chain for 11 years. The goal should always be to keep it that way.

 7. I’ve heard rumblings that banquet planning is already under way. For those that don’t know, the TSL Banquet is best described as “a wedding without the wedding”. An open bar dance party where everyone is dressed up nicely and we have a massively good time. Considering the pandemic stole TWO banquets from us, this one is going to be even better. Start preparing your livers now.

 8. Am I getting stuff wrong for your team? Is there a name I should be shouting out? Email me at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and tell me why I’m wrong or who I should be touting for these future awards. Or just tell me about your games.

 9. The outside bar being closed because of bees for Week 1 of football is very, very weak. Here’s hoping that it won’t be an issue for you guys in Week 2.

 10. I love to see how many people are stepping up to referee. Keep it going TSL. Don’t lose steam in four weeks.

 

 

Good luck out there this week and remember not to be a Travis and be nice to the refs. They don’t HAVE to be there.

 

 

-GF OUT

The Final Picks, Thoughts, Questions, and stuff

Category: The Godfather's Picks
Created: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49
Published: Friday, 24 June 2022 12:49
Written by Patrick McGovern
Hits: 4437

 

Ladies and Gentlemen of the TSL Universe, the Race for Social Co-Ed Immortality kicked off last weekend, and as always, it was quite the adventure chock full of twists and turns that you can only really get during Playoff Saturday in this league of ours. 

 

When the sun rises tomorrow morning over the Rose Garden, 26 teams will go to battle for 7 championships. The dreams of April are now so close to reality for these teams as they try to realize their goal of being absolute winners together. Half of our teams have now seen their seasons come to an end, as the hopes and dreams of being TSL champions have been extinguished, at least for the summer. 

 

This means it’s my job of course to tell you just exactly who will be standing tall after the oncoming war. Since that task is difficult to do sitting in my log cabin in Des Moines, Iowa, I proceeded to poke the TSLQBRC and get their thoughts on the upcoming playoff matchups to see just how aligned everyone’s thoughts might be for these predictions. Enjoy the email correspondence as we navigate these playoff waters together. 

 

GF: Hey there TSLQBPRC! It's that time once again that I don’t allow you guys to lay around for the last week of the season and we go through and give our competing predictions for the final weekend of the TSL Spring 2022 season!

Grab a couple of committee members and send me your consensus ideas. 

Before we get into the predictions, let's dive into how we got here a little bit. Naturally, last weekend was bananas, as we saw the usual ridiculousness in upsets, perhaps none more shocking than Passing While Intoxicated eliminating TMA from the D5 playoffs. What results surprised you guys? 

 

TSLQBPRC: Godfather of the TSL, always a pleasure to talk playoff football!

So there were four "upsets" where a higher seed fell to a lower seed.  In order of least shocking to most shocking, we'd probably say:

·  Itches over 4th & Something (we predicted this in our Division Analysis... 4th & Something had the better record, but statistically, Itches was the better team)

·  Zack Attack over Vaspian (these two always play close games, and their stats were almost identical)

·  Can't Touch This over Cunning Stunts (the Stunts were a full +10 PPG better on average... they should win this game 8 or 9 times out of 10, right?)

·  Passing While Intoxicated over TMA (this is the BEST point differential in D5 losing to one of the worst... TMA should win this 97 times out of 100!)

 

The only other result that surprised us was that there weren't MORE upsets!  This season the higher seeded teams went 16-4 against the lower seeded teams.  Last Fall the higher seeded teams only went 11-9 in the first round.  You think that means anything?

 

GF: All that I think it means is something we've known about the TSL for over a decade: The weather is always the great equalizer. I hear Buffalo had near perfect football weather this past weekend, which resulted in less randomness happening in the games. In the fall sessions, the league is more prone to cold, wind, rain, and in some years, even snow playing a factor. With a 90 degree day on the horizon for Championship Saturday, the heat will play a factor across the board, but especially in the title games, with players on their second straight game (and some could be playing in 4 straight games if things break their way!). I'll always tell people to wear sunscreen, but everyone better bring water and Gatorade this week too. Hell, the TSL should invest in a lot of Liquid IV packets for the players just for safety/hydration reasons. We don't need a "Matty Ice dying of Heatstroke on the sidelines" type of scenario. This is especially true for anyone playing on two teams. 

 

TSLQBPRC: "Matty Ice"?  Sounds kind of familiar.  A little loud, never wore an appropriately fitting shirt?  Yeah, that's a great point about the weather.  Hopefully the bulk of the games wrap up before we hit that peak heat, but players NEED to take care of themselves on Saturday.  We know it's distracting thinking about the champagne and bragging rights, but heatstroke is very real, and it'll beat you harder than Untouchaballs.

 

GF: Oh, that's the guy, you've got him. Speaking of the Untouchaballs, D3's top team looked completely dominant this weekend when it comes to 1 seeds. Practice Squad beat Spinelli’s too but allowed 38 points. And then there was Cobblestone who blew a 22-0 lead to Not So Sticky, before needing to escape at the end. Could you imagine if D5 lost its top two teams in one weekend? Chaos, as always. Before we get in depth on the individual divisions, what games overall are you looking most forward to this week? 

 

TSLQBPRC: The one that stands out most to us is Scared Hitless vs DILFS.  We consider these two the betting favorites to win D2, and they're somehow meeting in the semi-finals as a "1 seed vs 4 seed".  No disrespect to Grey Hair - Don't Care (who have been hotter than anyone lately) or Passed Our Prime, but we would pick the winner of Scared Hitless vs DILFS to take that division, assuming either team is at full strength (and you never know for playoffs which critical players will be missing).  Other games we think will be really fun to watch: Frodo Swaggins vs Freeballers (you could argue they're playing for the right to lose to Untouchaballs, but the Finals brings out the best in teams that play hard for each other, and Frodo and Freeballers are both tight-knit groups who play hard for each other...) and Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside.  Okay, that last one only happens if both teams win their semi-finals games, but we think they will, and that's a game we want to see.

 

GF: As always on Championship Saturday, the best of the best (and the Freeballers) remain, so we should see some great games. So, let's start at the top: D1. The right to be called the Undisputed Champions of Social Co-Ed Football in WNY, or even the world really, is on the line and it's about as up for grabs as it can be. 

 

D1: 

 

Odds To Win The Championship:

Legends (3-1)

Eyes Downtown (4-1)

Sticky Bandits (7-1)

Tight Ends In Motion (20-1)

 

The Story: D1 didn’t get this here last week, so here it is. This season, D1 has only been a 4 team division. And with how things have gone for TEIM, it’s basically been a 3 team race for the top of the mountain in Social Co-Ed Football. The Legends were supposed to stomp everyone, but they’ve looked at least slightly beatable. Eyes Downtown started off a little shaky but they’ve figured it out. Sticky Bandits, largely an afterthought in this division, played the best football in their history, and have proven that at the very least, they belong in the D1 championship discussion. 

 

#1 Legends (7-2) vs #4 Tight Ends In Motion (2-7)

Points For: Legends 37.11 (3rd), TEIM 27.11 (4th)

Points Against: Legends 24.78 (1st), TEIM 33.11 (3rd)

TSL Rank: Legends 6th, TEIM 47th

Past Games: Legends 31 - TEIM 20, Legends 38 - TEIM 16

Line: Legends (-12)

 

GF Prediction: The Legends were the preseason favorites heading into the season and there's not much that's happened over 10 weeks to make me think that they shouldn't still be, although I'll argue the gap is much smaller. Anytime you can trot out Sean, Chris Nelson, Heather Cepuchowski, and just, all of them, it’s hard to not pick them. On the other hand, there's a Tight Ends In Motion team who are arguably the most battled tested D1 playoff team we have in the field. Sure, they had the worst season they've had since 1943, but there’s something to be said for having been there before. Sadly, for TEIM, Emily, Robin, Bro, and Lindsey aren't showing up to the fields Saturday. LEGENDS BY 17

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: This isn't the 2021 Tight Ends in Motion vs the 2022 Legends.  THAT would have been a great matchup.  At this point, it's just hard to pick against Legends given that Tight Ends in Motion have been nothing but question marks all season and haven't established any continuity or momentum.  We expect a pick from Boccio, three touchdowns from Sean, and about 10 minutes of ranting from Joey about how great he is.  LEGENDS BY 19

 

#2 Sticky Bandits (6-3) vs #3 Eyes Downtown (6-3)

Points For: SB 39.33 (1st), ED 39.00 (2nd)

Points Against: SB 32.89 (2nd), ED 34.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: SB 8th, ED 12th

Past Games: SB 54 - ED 46, ED 49 - SB 48

Line: Sticky Bandits (-2)

 

GF Prediction: This is going to be fun. Eyes Downtown and Sticky Nation meet up in a rubber match from the regular season (the teams split the season series 1-1). They score about the same, and Sticky has allowed slightly less points. Eyes Downtown has arguably been slightly hotter for the second half of the season after an early season slip up. Sticky has just been good all season, even though they've really been living on the edge with one score games. Both sides ooze talent like Razor Ramon oozed machismo, so it's going to just come down to the quarterback for me. And the running storyline all season has been "How will Bobby perform in a world without a clear nemesis?". So far, so good. EYES DOWNTOWN BY 3

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Mike Thomas does seem like way too nice a guy to be anyone's "nemesis", we'll agree with that.  These are two perfectly matched teams right now based on how their seasons went.  They combined to go 102-95 against each other in two regular season games with Sticky Bandits getting the slight edge there.  Bobby has that D1 playoff experience, having won the division before, but these aren't the Sticky Bandits of old.  We kept waiting for them to have a "crashing back down to earth" moment this season, and it never happened.  They seem to win or lose all their games by a point, so we'll take the higher seeded team here by the slimmest of margins.  STICKY BANDITS BY 1

 

D1 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: This leaves me with Legends vs Eyes Downtown. Two fantastic teams who have had 3 really big battles this season. The Legends won the season series 2-1, but that doesn't say much. I expect another high scoring showdown, but once the dust settles there's only one answer I keep coming to: The Legends taking a D1 title, and everyone having to listen to Joey Batts (and Travis!) all offseason about how great he (they) is (are). LEGENDS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Our predicted finals leaves us with Legends vs Sticky Bandits, two teams that each beat each other by a point in the regular season.  It's tough to ignore the talent on Legends, and they finished with the best record and point differential in the division.  They're the favorites, and they deserve to be.  But like each of their previous meetings, we think this will come down to the last possession.  And yes, Joey will be talking about it for months.  LEGENDS BY 3

 

D2: 

Last Week’s Games: 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care 35, #7 Bullet Club 25

#3 Passed Our Prime 39, #6 When Dove Cries 14

#4 Dilfs 29, #5 The Notorious BNB 28

 

Nothing but chalk in D2 last weekend, as all of the higher seeds made it out of the round. Grey Hair got a slight scare from Bullet Club before pulling away, Passed Our Prime put their foot on the gas and ran right by When Dove Cries, and the Dilfs had to survive a very “up for the task” Notorious BNB. 

 

#1 Scared Hitless (8-2) vs #4 Dilfs (5-4

Points For: SH 30.70 (3rd), Dilfs 32.78 (1st)

Points Against: SH 26.00 (2nd), Dilfs 25.11 (1st)

TSL Rank: SH 3rd, Dilfs 22nd

Past Games: SH 31 - Dilfs 20

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: Scared Hitless has just been so good from top to bottom, week in and week out. The Dilfs continue to underperform in the regular season record wise, but they've always shown up when it matters. This is almost a pseudo-championship game (as you guys alluded to earlier) based off the numbers, where most people are surprised Dilfs are the “underdog” since they’re better on paper. I was going to go with Scared Hitless here by a slim margin, but reports are coming in that Scared Hitless will be down one of their spectacular females although I'm unsure which one (mainly because Topper doesn't know their names) and that's enough for the needle to swing the Dilfs way for me. DILFS BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: With no disrespect to their quarterback or male athletes (who are all very good), the "spectacular females" are the stand-out strength of Scared Hitless.  If they're missing one of them, they'll still be a great team, but will they be the favorites in this game?  Probably not.  This was already going to be a "flip a coin" type pick for us, but if Scared Hitless is down a girl, DILFS feel like the pick.  DILFS BY 4

 

#2 Grey Hair Don’t Care (5-4) vs #3 Passed Our Prime (5-4)

Points For: GHDC 31.11 (2nd), POP 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: GHDC 29.44 (3rd), POP 30.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: GHDC 17th, POP 19th

Past Games: POP 30 - GHDC 29, GHDC 24 - POP 23

Line: Grey Hair Don’t Care (-1)

 

GF Prediction: Grey Hair Don't Care has done nothing but rise and rise since the start of the season. They've looked pretty good in most of their matchups, although it appears they didn't look as dominant as one would've hoped in the first week of the playoffs. Meanwhile, Passed Our Prime got their studs to show up, and those horses just ran by the defense of WDC. These two teams split the season series 1-1, with both teams winning by a single point. This is going to be spectacular football, but, if POP has everyone again: Sean, Keyon, Kyle in particular, and Hogan doesn't "Hogan" anything, POP will pull off a slight "upset" if you can even call it that. PASSED OUR PRIME BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: We love the way Grey Hair - Don't Care battled back from a rough start to earn the #2 seed in this division.  Passed Our Prime is an exceptionally good team, but as you point out, some of these studs play in D1 in the morning, and Saturday will be a brutal temperature to play three or four games in a day.  Plus, won't Sean start pounding shots as soon as Legends wins D1?  Grey Hair has the momentum and the fresher players, so we'll take them.  GREY HAIR DON'T CARE BY 7

 

D2 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Passed Our Prime vs Dilfs - The 3 seed vs the 4 seed. That feels just about right for D2. This should be a great one. Passed Our Prime beat the Dilfs in the final week of the season 25-24. The Dilfs did a great job of slowing down that POP offense, but they forgot to take advantage of that porous defense. They won't get shut down by that defense twice in a row. DILFS BY 8

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: We've got Grey Hair - Don't Care vs DILFS for the D2 championship.  Grey Hair would be the higher seed, DILFS would be the easy choice based on stats.  Our pick is the DILFS, but this will likely be Travis's fifth game of the day (in the heat, on a bad ankle) and we're not expecting his best, so this could be a close one in the end.  DILFS BY 2

 

 

D3:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 The Untouchaballs 34, #8 Sleezin Szn 6

#2 Frodo Swaggins 28, #7 Show Me Dem TDs 19

#3 Freeballers 27, #6 Buffalo Vice 23

#5 Itches and Ohs 29, #4 4th & Something 28

 

Hey, we got our first upset, but it’s not much of one. Itches and Ohs slide by 4th & Something in the 4-5 matchup. Buffalo Vice continue to hang well in D3, just losing out to the higher seeded Freeballers. Meanwhile Frodo and The Untouchaballs cruised on to Championship Saturday with some easier victories. 

 

#1 The Untouchaballs (8-1) vs #5 Itches and Ohs (4-5)

Points For: UT 39.22 (1st), Ohs 30.33 (4th)

Points Against: UT 24.22 (2nd), Ohs 33.78 (7th)

TSL Rank: UT 1st, Ohs 32nd

Past Games: UT 40 - Ohs 32

Line: The Untouchaballs (-8)

 

GF Prediction: It's obviously awful and not fun at all that we're agreeing all of the time, and man I just feel like D3 won't be different. The Untouchaballs have been leaving everyone beaten and bruised this season, which hasn't made D3 super fun, from an outsider perspective. Jeremy Burr has proceeded to abuse defenses by unleashing Matt Helm, Greg + Meg, and Mel Linsmair to perfection. Itches and ohs historically win games because they're dominating the QB and Female battles, but Untouchaballs go toe to toe with them in both aspects. When it comes down to it, I expect the Untouchaballs Defense to get one or two more stops than the Ohs, and that'll be that. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Yeah, we'd love to disagree with you on some more outcomes just to play devil's advocate, but so far it's hard to pick against the favorites.  The only disagreement we might have in this game is the final score because we do NOT anticipate this one being close.  Sure, Untouchaballs only won by 8 in that first matchup, but that was way back in April.  Untouchaballs have looked untouchable since then, and Itches have been inconsistent at best.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 17 

 

#2 Frodo Swaggins (5-4) vs #3 Freeballers (5-4)

Points For: Frodo 34.56 (2nd), Freeballers 30.78 (3rd)

Points Against: Frodo 33.56 (6th), Freeballers 22.22 (1st)

TSL Rank: Frodo 18th, Freeballers 21st

Past Games: Frodo 28 - Freeballers 21

Line: Freeballers (-3)

 

GF Prediction - Frodo and the Freeballers have had very boring, 'meh' seasons this year. Both went 5-4 and had some ups and downs. These two teams are pretty closely matched, as shown by Frodo's 28-21 win over the Freeballers in Week 1. Freeballers went on a bit of a tear in the middle of the season before tripping all over themselves down the stretch. None of that matters for either team now though. Garrett Beesing's offense has put up a bunch of points, as he correctly utilizes Tammy, Emily, Sarah, and Kristen effectively. They have strong male talent, but nobody is heads and shoulders above the rest either. Meanwhile Freeballers are the same way: Solid top to bottom in all facets of the game. The one thing they do better than anyone is play defense though. I think the Freeballers slow Frodo down enough to take home a win. FREEBALLERS BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC predictions: Freeballers are the only team to beat Untouchaballs this season, and we'd love to see a rematch in the Finals.  So why are we betting against it?  Since that Freeballers vs Untouchaballs game, Freeballers have gone 2-3, and both of their wins were against Buffalo Vice (one of which was last week in the playoffs).  Okay, they match up well against one team.  Other than that, they're not exactly peaking at the right time.  Frodo has been living on the edge all season, with their first seven games all being within one score.  We think they'll handle the stress of a playoff nailbiter better than most teams.  FRODO SWAGGINS BY 3

 

D3 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Freeballers. The worst thing the Freeballers could've done this season was upset The Untouchaballs during the season. This does two things: Give them irrational confidence against a better opponent, BUT it also means they can't surprise Untouchaballs this time. Now, UT is looking for revenge from the loss earlier on. And they're going to get it. THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 12

 

TSLQBPRC prediction: The Untouchaballs vs Frodo Swaggins.  Round 1 when these two teams battled it out back in April was close, with Untouchaballs winning by only 7.  Round 2 a couple weeks ago was not, with Untouchaballs winning by 26.  Let's split the difference, and it's still Untouchaballs by two scores.  This is their season to win D3.  It would take a heroic effort by Frodo (or an utter collapse by Untouchaballs) to pull off this upset, and we just don't see it.  THE UNTOUCHABALLS BY 16

 

D4:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Practice Squad 49, #8 Spinelli’s Plumbing 38

#7 Zack Attack 28, #2 Vaspian 22

#6 Can’t Touch This 36, #3 Cunning Stunts 25

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons 20, #5 Puckett All-Stars 10

 

Practice Squad takes care of business, giving the TSL its first Championship Saturday without Spinelli’s in a long time. Zack Attack takes advantage of Vaspian’s QB situation and pulls an upset to move on. ILF catches Puckett on the right day to claim a victory, and in the surprise of the weekend (almost) Can’t Touch This backs up what they’ve been saying all season to knock the Stunts out of the playoffs. D4 is ridiculous, and it’s a ton of fun. That’s probably why everyone registers for it. 

 

#1 Practice Squad (8-1) vs #7 Zack Attack (5-4)

Points For: PS 32.50 (4th), ZA 23.11 (10th)

Points Against: PS 21.13 (3rd), ZA 19.89 (2nd)

TSL Rank: PS 2nd, ZA 29th

Past Games: PS 34 - ZA 24

Line: Practice Squad (-8)

 

GF Prediction: Ah yes, the wild west that is D4. It's literally anyone's game here. Practice Squad has been very, very good, and very, very healthy this season, and because of that they're on a tear. They dispatched of Spinelli's last week pretty easily. Nobody is throwing the ball better than B is, and the defense has been top notch. Zack Attack scored a "upset" of Vaspian last week, but it was pretty predictable given the QB injury situation. While Zack Attack is looking closer to the team I remember from recent seasons, I'm not sure they're on par to pull this upset. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 15

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: No one on our Committee is picking Zack Attack here.  Maybe they can use that as "nobody believed in us!" fuel to shock the world on Saturday.  Wouldn't that be exciting?  But we don't believe in them because Practice Squad is just a better team at this point in the season, and we don't see them losing a game.  At least, not in the semi-finals.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

#4 Interdimensional Lightning Falcons (6-3) vs #6 Can’t Touch This (5-4)

Points For: ILF 32.00 (6th), CTT 26.11 (7th)

Points Against: ILF 31.22 (8th), CTT 25.11 (5th)

TSL Rank: ILF 14th, CTT 25th

Past Games: ILF 37 - CTT 33

Line: Even

 

GF Prediction: ILF took advantage of a historically weak playoff effort by Puckett to move on in the playoffs. Sure, some of that is attributed to the ILF defense, but even still, 10 points isn't much at all. They come to play against Can't Touch This, who shocked the TSL world with their defeat of the Cunning Stunts last weekend. Joe Miano vs Ryan Dougherty is somehow a QB matchup that's must see tv. CTT won last week based off the strength of their girls, who were complete unknowns before last week. Now, I’ve found out that at least one girl is named Ryhan, and she’s marrying Ryan. I feel like Lenny set this up somehow. These teams had a banger of a matchup earlier this season, and this is going to be the best game of the first round. When it comes down to it, I think Can't Touch This has played a lot better competition and they'll continue to rub that awful schedule in Topper's face. CANT TOUCH THIS BY 2

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: For the fourth division in a row, we'll agree with your first game prediction and disagree with your second.  ILF is playing their best football of the year.  Can't Touch This absolutely has the guns to beat them, but the Falcons seem to average a pick-six per game, and we think that'll be the difference.  INTERDIMENSIONAL LIGHTNING FALCONS BY 3

 

 

D4 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Practice Squad vs Can't Touch This for the D4 World Championship is not a thing a single person had guessed back in April. CTT is very up for the task at hand, but in the end, Practice Squad has slightly better talent overall, and they've done this a lot longer. Can’t Touch This will win many TSL championships in this league, it's just not this season. PRACTICE SQUAD BY 10

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Practice Squad vs Interdimensional Lightning Falcons will be a great finals, but we're not sure how ILF has any edge in this game.  Joe Miano is great.  Isn't B a little better?  The Falcons men are great.  Aren't Practice Squad's a little better?  Christina Nelson is a monster for ILF.  Aren't Renee and Ashtin a little better?  We expect the Falcons to play a good enough game to give them a shot at the end, but Practice Squad is so well rounded.  Looks like we're picking the same division champ yet again, Godfather.  PRACTICE SQUAD BY 5

 

 

D5:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#1 Cobblestone 34, #8 Not So Sticky 32

#7 Passing While Intoxicated 28, #2 TMA 20

#3 Tater Tots 33, #6 Come From Behind 30

#4 Red Zone Mafia 39, #5 716 20

 

Cobblestone survives Not So Sticky after going up big early. PWI proceeded to upset TMA on the strength of Colorado Mike. The Tots avenged a loss to CFB, figuring out their defense to move on. And the Red Zone Mafia continues to lurk in the shadows, taking out 716. 

 

#1 Cobblestone (7-2) vs #7 Passing While Intoxicated (3-6)

Points For: Cobblestone 28.33 (5th), PWI 18.89 (8th)

Points Against: Cobblestone 20.78 (3rd), PWI 25.56 (6th)

TSL Rank: Cobblestone 4th, PWI 39th

Past Games: PWI 28 - Cobblestone 12

Line: Cobblestone (-7)

 

GF Prediction: Passing While Intoxicated put TMA right back into the world of "not getting to championship games when they're favored to do so". As much fun as that was last week, the other results of games really boned them. Not only did they get on the map as shocking the world with the win, Cobblestone looked like buffoons after talking lots of smack to Not So Sticky and promptly getting humbled. Granted, Cobblestone came through at the end, but that just goes to show you there isn't anything Darryl Carr can't do. Either way, PWI can't sneak up on Cobblestone (as they did in the season when they beat them), and Cobblestone *better* keep their mouths shut and just play football this time around. It'll keep them focused and keep them moving to the title game. COBBLESTONE BY 12

 

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  It's hard not to read into the results of last week when Cobblestone looked VERY beatable and Passing While Intoxicated looked like heroes.  We've got to think the truth of each team lies in the larger sample size of the entire season, and over the course of the season, Cobblestone was a significantly better team.  COBBLESTONE BY 16

 

#3 Tater Tots (6-3) vs #4 Red Zone Mafia (6-3)

Points For: TT 24.33 (6th), RZM 31.44 (1st)

Points Against: TT 18.22 (2nd), RZM 21.89 (4th)

TSL Rank: TT 10th, RZM 13th

Past Games: TT 25 - RZM 20

Line: Red Zone Mafia (-3)

 

GF Prediction: The Tater Tots and Red Zone Mafia meet in what should be a fantastic matchup. These two teams have both played tremendously. Blake Fisher has emerged as a very good QB, and he's essentially a 20 years younger Jeff Easton, who throws the ball for the Tots nowadays. Both teams have talent all over the place, and the Tots defense is going to be what decides to keep them in games. However, the Red Zone Mafia have had a very good team on both sides of the ball, and quite frankly when it comes down to it, there's no way that Lenny Alba doesn't fix the games so we get a Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia final. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 6

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction:  Would you look at that, this will be the first time we've picked the same Finals game in a division!  We're also going with Red Zone Mafia.  They just drive down the field so effortlessly and get those gender points more often than not.  The Tots are a good team, and we think they're going to put up an awesome fight, but we don't see that being enough.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 5

 

D5 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia. A big time battle against former teammates. Red Zone Mafia took the regular season matchup, although Cobblestone wasn't at 100%. This game is going to be a blood bath that comes down to the wire, but in the end we're going to see Red Zone Mafia win on a late Sam Lattuca TD pass. RED ZONE MAFIA BY 4

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Cobblestone vs Red Zone Mafia.  This is the way D5 is destined to end.  Red Zone Mafia knows Darryl all too well, but do the Cobblestone defenders know how to stop Blake and Sam?  We doubt it.  RED ZONE MAFIA BY 3

 

 

D6:

 

Last Week’s Games:

 

#3 Blitzkrieg 40, #6 Lenny’s Ladies 24

#4 Woodpeckers 21, #5 Lettuce Win 6

 

Nothing too surprising here in D6. Blitzkrieg pulls away to beat Lenny’s Ladies, and the Woodpeckers handle Lettuce Win without much of an issue. 

 

#1 Travis Henry’s Kids (7-1) vs #4 Woodpeckers (4-5)

Points For: THK 37.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 21.57 (5th)

Points Against: THK 21.63 (1st), Woodpeckers 27.14 (4th)

TSL Rank: THK 5th, Woodpeckers 34th

Past Games: THK 20 - Woodpeckers 12, THK 40 - Woodpeckers 33

Line: Travis Henry’s Kids (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Travis Henry's Kids shouldn't be in this division, and yada, yada, yada. We get it, John Langley and Pete Wallbrandt get to play pitch and catch while the rest of the Woodpeckers struggle to keep up with them. Woodpeckers are lucky enough to trot out Handsome Wrestler Dan and a pair of Buscaglias, but they don't have much else in terms of firepower to keep pace with the juggernauts that THK truly is. TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 17

 

TSLQBPRC Predictions: We've never understood these "shouldn't be in this division" comments about Travis Henry's Kids.  They were 5-4 in D6 last session.  They were 5-4 in D6 the session before that.  They've been an average team in their division two years running, and then D6 lost TMA, Graves Bros and Victorious Secret this past offseason session.  Travis Henry's Kids doesn't have to apologize for their opponents leaving, they had nothing to do with that.  They can only beat the teams that line up to play them, and in this case it's Woodpeckers.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 11

 

#2 Southside (6-3) vs #3 Blitzkrieg (4-5)

Points For: SS 28.88 (3rd), BK 22.88 (4th)

Points Against: SS: 27.13 (3rd), BK 28.25 (5th)

TSL Rank: SS 15th, BK 31st

Past Games: BK 21 - SS 0 (forfeit), SS 25 - BK 18

Line: Southside (-7)

 

GF Predictions - Blitzkrieg finds themselves in familiar territory, Good enough to win, but just on the outside looking in. This hasn't been the best season for the Blitz, as roster turnover and whatnot led to some poor performances. They seem to be picking things up at the right time though! Of course, the issue is that they're running into a Southside squad that has been consistently good regardless of who they put on the field. There's not much Blitzkrieg can do here to keep up with Southside, as they look destined to play THK in the battle for D6. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: Blitzkrieg was 3-6 last session, and they're 4-5 this session.  Improvement, sure, but not championship material yet.  Southside on the other hand is built to win right now.  SOUTHSIDE BY 14

 

 

D6 FINAL:

 

GF Prediction: Travis Henry's Kids vs Southside - The way it was always meant to be since Week 1 when Southside stomped on THK. THK, of course, returned the favor in a 65-14 thrashing. The rubber match was a 33-29 THK win in the most recent contest, and that's more than likely the type of game we're going to see here. It all comes back to the usual thing in D6: John Langley vs himself. Langley gets himself too amped and gets too cocky about his D6 chances and then proceeds to have a meltdown and blow it. Southside has nothing to lose here, and everything to gain. THK will 100% be in D5 next season, but it won't be because they won the title. Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins. SOUTHSIDE BY 7

 

TSLQBPRC Prediction: "Langley crumbles mentally, and Southside wins".  For a team with the best +/- per game in the TSL, it's amazing how possible that sounds for Travis Henry's Kids.  Southside IS very good, and very capable of winning this game after all.  THK is very capable of imploding.  But we think they hang on and win a game that's more stressful than they were expecting.  TRAVIS HENRY'S KIDS BY 2

 

 

FIVE QUESTIONS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY:

 

Which #1 seed is most likely to NOT win their division on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Well, our Committee picked ALL the #1 seeds to win their divisions except for Scared Hitless and Cobblestone, so probably one of those two, right?  We'll say Cobblestone.  We really like Red Zone Mafia's chances, and Scared Hitless still has excellent odds to win their division.  In order of least likely to most likely for the #1 seeds, we'll say Cobblestone, Scared Hitless, Legends, Practice Squad, Travis Henry's Kids, Untouchaballs.  Does that sound about right?

 

GF: I can’t argue that order, maybe flip Practice Squad and THK. Overall, yes, I’d probably say Cobblestone at this point. D5 is still very good, and they didn’t exactly wow me with the effort against Not So Sticky. Even if they get past PWI, who beat them before, the winner of the Tots/Red Zone Mafia matchup is going to give them hell. 

 

 

2) Who is the most unlikely champion you could imagine winning on Saturday?

 

TSLQBPRC: Tight Ends in Motion are the most athletically gifted football team everyone has already written off, so we'll take them.  It's not impossible that they pull off a couple upsets to take D1.  And then Woodpeckers have played Travis Henry's Kids close a couple times already.  Why not a wild upset win here and then cashing in on that momentum to win a championship?  Is that SO unlikely?

 

GF: PWI would be the most unlikely champion I can see winning. The path is there for them. They’ve already beaten Cobblestone before, so who’s to say they can’t make the title game and then get a bounce or two? 

 

3) Which team is under the most pressure to perform well?

 

GF: Scared Hitless needs to win D2. Think about it, they’ve been the D2 darlings since the season started. They WON a crossover game. They’re going to D1 regardless of if they win the title or not this weekend. If they walk out of Saturday without a title, that’s going to be deflating after a great season. 

 

TSLQBPRC: It's Legends, right?  They built an all-star team but if they can't win twice on Saturday people will start pointing fingers and asking what happened.  That's a lot of pressure that no other #1 seed can really relate to.  Travis Henry's Kids would be another team that everyone just expects to win because they've been in D6 a while now and it's assumed to be "their time" (like TMA of last season).  Also, a lot of pressure on those guys, John in particular.

 

 4) Who is the best remaining QB from each division?

 

TSLQBPRC: What, don't you read our Power Rankings?  D1 has three contenders, but Joey finished the season as the highest ranked, so as much as people may disagree (Mr. Godfather, Joey's Stunts teammates, his Legends teammates...) we're sticking with him.  Dylan Day is our choice for D2 with Hogan just a hair behind him, unquestionably Burr for D3, without a doubt B for D4, Darryl for D5 edging out Blake Fisher, and John for D6.

 

GF: What a terrible question for me when the committee is right here. Bobby is the man in D1, and you’re forgetting about Dubey in D2. How dare you. Hard to argue Burr in D3, or B in D4. Obviously Darryl in D5, don’t be silly. And it has to be Langley in D6 . 

 

5) Which non-QB do you expect to be the MVP for each division on Saturday?

 

GF: I think Mike Boccio shows up and reminds everyone just who he is this weekend in D1. For D2, Jonny FN Football is going to ball out on some fools. In D3, its time more than just The Sentinel (RIP) know about Matt Helm. D4 is going to give you all a brand new Can’t Touch This player to learn about, I just don’t know who they are yet. I’m sure if Cobblestone wins the whole thing, it’ll be because of someone that the league will say “who is THAT guy and when did Darryl get him?” prompting immediate roster checks. And in D6, it’s just Pistol Pete. That guy is fantastic. 

 

TSLQBPRC: Sean Weisensal will do something ridiculously athletic in D1 whether Legends win it or not.  We don't know if Passed Our Prime is going to win any games, but we'll take Kyle Conniff in D2.  Mel Linsmair (Untouchaballs) is our pick in D3 if she's not one of the missing Scared Hitless girls we talked about earlier.  Renee Lantz is going to light it up for Practice Squad in D4, it feels like a big day is coming for her.  Sam Lattuca is always terrifying to play against for Red Zone Mafia so she's our pick for D5.  And finally, we'll take Dan Farinacci from Woodpeckers in D6, he's always a highlight reel waiting to happen.

 

 

TEN FINAL THOUGHTS FOR CHAMPIONSHIP SATURDAY: 

 

1) Whatever happened to the indoor facility the Angry Buffalo was going to start building this session?  Wasn't that supposed to start construction mid-season?

 

2) Breakfast Club is pitting Liddle Deaks against Steph Infection, in a battle of the top 2 seeds. These teams went 1-1 against each other this season, so the game itself is going to be pretty great. Liddle Deaks 37, Steph Infection 31

 

3) As always, major credit should be given to Travis for his management of the sublist this session.  It's the single least rewarding job in bar league football, and he does it with a smile (okay, he does it, maybe he doesn't smile that much).  Travis always has to be the bad cop telling people "no, you can't have this person, no, we're not going to reward you with a great player just because you're asking five minutes before gametime".  Whether people appreciate it or not (and they don't, at least not enough) this makes the League WAY more fair and fun for everyone.  If he's stopping YOU from grabbing bullshit subs, remember, he's stopping your opponents from doing the same thing.  To loosely quote A Few Good Men, deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want Travis on that wall, you NEED Travis on that wall.

 

4) It’s going to be 90 degrees tomorrow. Seriously, wear some sunscreen. AND Topper has informed me that he’s acquired a slip and slide for the day so people can cool off. Dress accordingly! 

 

5) Officiating has been fantastic this season, so Coach Jay is going out on a high note in his final season as Head of Officiating.  Thanks again for all the work you've done the past few sessions.  Crazy that we've gone from "the dirtiest player in the game" Rameer to "basically Captain America" Coach Jay and those two very different personalities were both able to be so effective.  Hopefully Jay isn't a stranger around the fields in future sessions.  Best of luck in fatherhood Jay!

 

6) The wine tournament is August 13th and signups are coming VERY soon. Topper wanted me to express that the T-Shirt guy from Lenny and Rameer Day will be there this year, and there will more than likely be some “wine tournament” themed merchandise as well. 

 

7)  The Rose Garden staff were fantastic this session.  They really know how to hire friendly, hardworking people that make our Saturdays at the bar all the more special.

 

8) Even if you’re one of the unlucky people who are no longer in the Race For Social Co-Ed Football Immortality, you should STILL come to the fields this weekend. Championship Saturday is always a party, and with slip and slides and people popping champagne all over the place, it’s a great way to say goodbye. Come to the fields and party! 

 

9) Is it bad luck to say "it's been a while since we've had an ambulance on the field"?  We had a rocky start to the season with medical emergencies but since then, it's been smooth sailing.  Not sure if Topper ever did that exorcism/field blessing he was planning or whether B's Brother cast some kind of protection spell, but we've been pretty lucky to have no incidents the last few weeks.

 

10) It’s very disappointing that B’s Brother would abandon the TSL for Championship Saturday, but he’s on Official TSL business scouting playing sites for the potential expansion into Georgia. He’s been a rockstar this season, it’s always good to have him back. 

 

 

And there you have it Ladies and Gentlemen. The Race for Social Co-Ed Football Immortality is about to reach the finish line. Nobody knows how it’s going to go, and I guarantee you we’ll have multiple surprises on the fields. Good luck to everyone out there and remember not to freak out on the refs. 

 

-GF OUT

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